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425 Views • Created 2 years ago By Reddit Moments • Updated 2 years ago

Created By Reddit Moments • Updated 2 years ago

Anon does tech support (for those that havent yet read imo the best greentext there is) | /r/Greentext

File: 1395256860122.jpg-(50 KB, 460x333, it.jpg) I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING O Anonymous (ID: ZW6GGNJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)21:17:35 UTC+1 No.537996668 Replies: Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)22:16:37 UTC+1 No.538004926 Replies: Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)18:31:29 No.538015293 O Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)20:21:00 UTC+1 No.537989407 Replies: >>537989870 >>537990586 >>537997456 >>538000370 >>538009753 >>538005196 >>538005209 >>538005270 >>538005631 > day 8 > guy call from day 7 calls back > he's p----- > tells me he lost a client because of my stupidity > "s--- happens man. I lost to team rocket like 10 minute ago" > "what the f--- are you talking about?" > click > day 14 > server is still down > my dads asking questions > everyone is p----- > take an early lunch > over hear some guys at the restaurant talking about buying a new modem for > day 20 > spend entire day cleaning the server room up > getting it all nice > just unplugging network cables willy nilly so I can colour coordinate them people are losing their s--- > they are randomly getting kicked off > tell people there are some issues with our isp >I make sure to say l-S-P as I have now learned by speaking in abbreviations no matter how common makes you sound techy > by the end of the day the server rack is all classy looking > unfortunatelyI never mapped anything and a handful of people can't connect because their ports aren't connected to anything > tell them the |-S-P will have it done ASAP and go home >>538004234 >>538009116 I got hired by my Dad to do IT. I know very little about IT besides games. These are my IT stories. > be first day > woman asks me if I can install the latest the office > hailmary jpg > "Hey sorry to bother you during your lunch.but would either of you happen to be IT?" version of adobe reader Replies: >>537997456>>538000370 > f--- ya I got this O Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)21:24:52 UTC+1 No.537997654 Replies: > before either of them could read me the riot act and tell me something like how > DL like a boss > "Wow you're like a computer expert" > "Well you know." > Asked to input admin credentials > forget admin credentials > try admin:password > nope.jpg > "uhhhh... uhhhh... oh crap somethings going on with the serve. be right back" > 3 months later she still doesn't have adobe reader >>537997961 >>537998938 the f--- dare|| Replies: >>538015882 > I'm IT too O Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)18:38:28 No.538016156 > day 9 > one of the printers is out of toner > some fat guy tells me to change it > "it's a toner man.. can't you change it? I'm working on this huge issue with the >I show them my hand that I scratched up crawvling wire on the floor > they nod > "What would you try doing if your server is completely f-----?" > "Have you tried restarting it?" > I go back and restart the physical machine > it f------ works > day 21 > now that the server room is all clean I set up all the test boxes in the back > 8 machines in total all connected to the network > try joining monitors all together like you see on cool threads, you know like the racing ones? > realize these are s--- old monitors and you can't do that > come up with the great idea of bitcoin mining with these boxes > set it up for the first half of the day > after lunch I'm mining > terribly but I am mining > people start complaining about server lag > blame the lag on the olympics suggest that the whole office must be streaming it > ban the olympics on the web filter > office is divided; can see the divide in my email > people who are p----- about not being able to watch the olympics > and the keeners who think its all work and no play at work > I've officially gained power though, people respect me for making this mandate > "He's a real company guy" server" > was really dowwnloading steam > "it'll take a second. god I have much more important stuff to do. that's why you're here" > sigh and go do it > can't figure out how to f------ open the f------ cartridge door > start hitting it like they do in zoolander > tell the poor mentally challenged guy in the mail room I have a special job for him > he has to hide the magic egg in the chest of Hewlet Packard > go back to my server business > half an hour later the fat guy comes into my office > "What the f--- did you do to the printer?" > "Changed the toner" > He just starts shaking his head and muttering s--- > we walk over to it More? Replies: >>538005196>>538005209>>538005270>>538005631 O Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)22:22:06 UTC+1 No.538005784 Replies: >>538006516 O Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)20:25:29 UTC+1 No.537989990 Replies: >>537990181 >>537990586 >>537991061 >>538000632 >>538005631 >>538009358 > be day 2 > angry guy is on the phone asking me about some weird in house program > have no idea what the f--- he's saying > there's a pause > he's waiting for an answer > think back to the IT crowd > "Have you tried turning it on and off again" > "Like restarting" > "Give me a sec.." > day 15 > hot cougar walks by office looking distressed > "Everything okay?" > "Oh good... I can't log into my email. can you please help me. PLEASE" > "I got you." > get her laptop > re-install microsoft office > outlook works again > poke through her emails to make sure things are working > send a test file > read the titles of her latest emails > "Divorce" > hand back her laptop > "Looks like its working now" > the mailroom guy jammed the cartridge in the wrong way and actually lodged it in there so half of it is sticking out > the door cant even close > it f------ worked Replies: >>538016437>>538016495 > there's black hand prints all over the printer to0 > Can feel the guy judging me so I just spew b------- > "Looks to be a probably with the network." > the printer was down for over a month before I figured out we have a printer guy on call O Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)23:42:25 UTC+1 No.538016735 Replies: >>537g90181>>537990586>>537991061>>538000632>>538005631 > day 22 > its birthday day > office celebrates all the months birthdays > take cake > set up n64 in the boardroom > challenge people in the office to goldeneye > keep saying "Hey l'm just taking a 5 minute break for some cake.. want a quick game?" > own the s--- out of all of them > realize I did absolutely nothing all day but eat cake and game > no one ever noticed O Anonymous (ID: ZW6GGNJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)20:29:04 UTC+1 No.537990437 Replies: >>537990802 >>537996957 >>538001173 > "Thanks. > "Everything okay?" > "Well." > day 3 > hot sales rep comes in with laptop issues > she's 9/10 cougar > all flirty with me > tells me she needs something updated > can only hear her boobs > her laptop smells like straberrys > download adobe reader for her and hand it back Replies: >>537997961>537998938 > this is f------ it, tell me your s-- stories cougar woman and then its on O Anonymous (ID: ZW6G9NJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)21:36:30 UTC+1 No.537999228 Replies: > "My mouse is acting a bit funny, can I get a new one" >>537999356 >>537999386 >>537999617 >>537999839 Replies: >>538006516 > day 10 > have to set up projector in 1 > cant find a thunderbolt to hdmi cable to hook it up to lazy to go to the store > dont even have a corporate card either > tell the people needing the projector that there's a compatibility issue with macbooks boardroom Anonymous (ID: ZW6G9NJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)22:33:21 UTC+1 No.538007465 O Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)23:47:35 UTC+1 No.538017463 > day 16 > one of the mailroom guy's monitors isn't working > it's coming up all green > backstory: there's been a huge misappropriation of funds because I gave him dual monitors just because he's a mentally challenged and I figured if anyone needs 2 screens its him > all he does is look at msn slideshows > and use the fedex webapp or something > he's a nice guy sol actually try and fix it for him > nothings working > think its a driver issue > think its a setting issue Replies: >>537990802>>537996957>>538001173 > day 23 > cougar calls in from the road > she's having trouble accessing a key app for a client on her ipad > she tells me its name > have no idea what it is > but make sure to sound astute > ask her if she's using WIFI or 3G > "How do I check" > "Nevermind let me check from my maincore system" > google the app but nothing comes up > ask one of the other sales people > "oh it's just an infographic on our main site" > tell the hot cougar to come into the office because it's going to require me to hardcode the changes in > she drives 2 hours to come to the office so l can open up Safari and bookmark it to her ipad homepage > they use some guys dellbook > the files from the mac end up not running on the dellbook > call me in mid meeting > all these business people staring at me as l am randomly clicking folders as fast as possible to look like I am pro > download adobe reader > double click files O Anonymous (ID: ZWBGgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)20:33:46 UTC+1 No.537991024 Replies: >>537991502 >>537992334 >>537996961 >>537999125 >>53799g9236 > day 4 > figure out how to turn off the servers > when people start asking for help > go into server room > turn off servers > come out oblivious and start downloading adobe reader > eventually people start screaming > THE SITES DOWN! THE SITES DOWN! > "I'm on it!" > run back to the server room > play hotline miami in the back for few hours > turn server back on near end of day > come out of server room > wipe brow from face > "I did it.. > people are singing my praises saying i saved the day really just saved the girlfriend in HM > works > "Thanks Anon, you saved me" > think its an actual hardware issue > whole time people are coming to me with real problems but I keep saying "I'll be there in a minute" Replies: >>537999356>>537999386>>537999617>>537999839 O Anonymous (ID: ZWBGgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)21:44:31 UTC+1 No.538000403 Replies: > after 2 hours the mailroom guy goes > "maybe da pug ish boken" >I swapped out the hdmi cable with a brand new one > it worked >I officially am less adept at my job then a poor mentally challenged guy >>538000602 O Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)18:56:07 No.538018694 > day 11 > there's a new hire > no one f------ told me anything > get screamed > go in back to see if we have any spares > there's a few > but there's also some really old pcs from like the early 90's > boot it up > works > set up new person > everything lags > you open adobe reader? massive f------ lag > send out the computer > "it's the best we've got on short notice" > get like 40 sharepoint tickets the first day from that person > he's a real stickler for help > he ends up quitting the very next week saying he can't work under these conditions I'll continue this tomorrow, believe it or not there's an ending to this but I can't get to it today. that theres no computer for this new person > day 24 > people heard from the 45 year old events planner I do house calls > bunch of idiots are bringing in their home computers, mobile devices, anything technical for me to fix > tell people I can only do it after hours and I charge $20 for small stuff and $50 for large. > most of it is simple fixes > windows updates or adobe reader installs fix it > but then I get it > the laptop from hell > this fat indian guy hands me his laptop in a plastic bag, not a laptop bag, a plastic one > "What's wrong with it?" > "You tell me genius" > Load it up and it's asking for some system restore or something. > just hit next and okay > fixes it but it says I need to load chkdisk? > figure that has something to do with the cd drive > open it up > there's a thick f------ layer of bread crumbs in the tray > tilted the machine to its side O Anonymous (ID: ZW6G9NJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)22:43:12 UTC+1 No.538008829 > day 17 > nice old woman who talks to me about sports tells me her keyboard is s--- > she's oldest person in the office by far > old as dirt > tell her I have just the thing > go in the back and unbox a brand new keyboard meant for the programmers > bring it to the old woman > "You're such a helpful young man" > reach down awkwardly to plug in the new keyboard > get back up and dust pants off > old lady looks like she's having a heart attack > look at the screen > it's f------ blank > on my way back up to my feet I hit the power button > she lost 3 hours of work > 3 hours that old woman will never ever see again Replies: >>5379g91502->537992334>>537996961>>537999125>>537999236 O Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)20:49:03 UTC+1 No.537992985 Replies: >>537993131 >>537994992 > day 5 > run into cougar at coffee machine > ask her how things are going, just a general statement > instantly thinks im talking shop > starts telling me all the s--- wrong with her computer > she doesn't see me as a human > she sees me as an it > tell her to drop off her laptop > she does > I upgrade her ie > download adobe reader > restart the machine > everythings f------ working > run it back to her > fix my hair > check my breath > act like I saved the day > she's in her office on the phone > she motions to put on her desk >I do. kind of linger > "Is that everything hun?" > leave > hear her say "oh it was just IT" > just IT > that is all am now Replies: >>538000602 > m------------ bread crumbs just pouring out of the laptop > restart the machine > it loads perfectly > turns out the guy was using it as a tray for his morning bagel > f------ toaster laptops O Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)21:54:24 UTC+1 No.538001801 Replies: >>538001991 >>538002151 >538002582 >>538003029 Replies: >>538010343 > day 12 > someones computer crashed > fuuuuuuuuck Anonymous (ID: ZWBGGNJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)18:17:40 No.538013416 > day 18 > company meeting > we're over budget > there has been ridiculous spending > "we've lost money for almost a month." > set up computer > remember something about profiles being saved on the network > go back to the server room > look at the server rack like a total idiot as I try and figure out in my head how this works > tell the guy all his data is lost and there's nothing I can do > "b-b-bbut my project. i have to present that to the board on friday." > "gone, man. It's gone" > play sim theme park the rest of the day > day 18 > almost a month > they are going to out me > IT budget comes up in discussion > we're one of 2 departments that are coming under budget > "Great job Anon. I heard about the server issues here. you're the man" > at the end of the meeting a 45 year old events planner asks me if I fix computers on the side > "Not really. > "Oh.. I have this one blasted thing that needs fixing. You couldn't just come over and fix it?" > b------- > for a laugh | say, "yeah it's cool, just give me your address and l'll be over after work" > not sure if l'm getting sex > buy condoms > she's not that hot like a 6/10 tops > not even going to lie > last call kind of hot > arrive at her house > ring the door bell while standing all suave leaned up against the door > her husband answers the door > shows me to the computer > install the latest version of adobe reader > get $20 > go home Replies: >>537993131>>537994992 Replies: >>538001991>>538002151>>538002582>>538003029 O Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)21:07:05 UTC+1 No.537995276 Replies: >>537995863 >537996374 >>537996510 >>538003364 Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)22:09:56 UTC+1 No.538003978 > day 13 > roll up to work an hour late > day 6 > really bored > decide to download a gameboy emulator and play some pokemon > the webfilters blocking it so I turn it off the whole thing I dont just whitelist it, I turn it all off > whole office is in chaos > fallofrome jpg > "HE'S HERE!" > Go in to my office open up mail > dozens of emails like: > "Hey is there something wrong with the server I can't log in to... > "Any idea why the site is down I." > the server is actually down > adobe reader can't save me now > "Just go back there and do what you did last time!" > everyone thinks its an easy solve > literally shaking in the server room because I don't know what to do > nap in server room for entire day > people are p----- can hear them banging on server door > we've missed deadlines > leave at 6:30 pm > the CFO sees me in the parking lot > hes been in a meeting all day doesn't know about my struggles > "You're still here?! That's the kind of can-do attitude | like to see" > get to emulator site but now I need to turn off the antivirus > use the admin which I noww know to do it. > end up turning off the whole antivirus settings on the server > download my emulator and rom > play my game > guy comes into my office > "I think I caught I virus" > me "gotta catch em all" > by the time I'm facing Misty 4 people have viruses Replies: >>537g95863>>537996374>>537996510>>538003364 O Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)23:23:20 UTC+1 No.538014162 O Anonymous (ID: ZWBGgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)21:12:16 UTC+1 No.537995969 Replies: > day 19 > some guy crashes a program so I have to reinput the settings > go onto his cubiclemates computer > check settings > 2 hours later > "You wrecked my computer. I want my f------ computer back exactly how it was. I don't know what you did but somethings off.my usb drive is buzzing." > w-- > I didn't do s--- to your computer. I checked a program you open 20 times a day > super p----- so I go back into the server room and play Thomas Was Alone > hear knock on server room door > it's the cubiclemate > "Hey, Thanks for fixing it." > "Fixing what?" > "The my usb drive" > I didn't do s--- lol > "Oh yeah. don't mention it" >>537996586 > day 7 > same guy that was yelling at me day 2 is yelling at me > he cant remotely log in just as I am about to leave to go home > "Try turning it off then on again then call me back" > go home Replies: >>538010707 Replies: >>537996586 3/19/2014 - /B/ DOES TECH SUPPORT
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