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Anon says no to a second date | /r/Greentext

30 KB JPG Why are American women brain dead troglodytes? >Meet a girl at the dog park >Seems cool, pretty, and our dogs get along >Find out she is a retail supervisor, so we talk about the s----- hours >She finds out I'm a scientist working in clinical research (Oncology) >Talks about her mother's cancer treatment >Asks if I have kids. Nope, but tell her I want kids in the future >She doesn't have kids either, just the dog >She said it was "refreshing" talking with me >She asks me for my number >Set up a coffee date for yesterday >She shows up with a friend >Asks me to pay for both of them >I agree, it's just coffee, but I'm bummed >She asks for a dinner date for today or later this week and invites her friend >I say no because I thought it was going to just be us on a date >"OH SO YOU CANT AFFORD IT?" No bitch, I can. I'm just not a meal ticket for you and your friend. >She says if I want to be a dad I should be able to afford a third otherwise I'm not ready >I tell her if she wants to be a mom that she needs to learn to set boundaries and it's clear she's not ready >She gets p----- and goes off on me >Her friend texts me that I'm an a------ >Block them both F---, how am I the bad guy?
30 KB JPG Why are American women brain dead troglodytes? >Meet a girl at the dog park >Seems cool, pretty, and our dogs get along >Find out she is a retail supervisor, so we talk about the s----- hours >She finds out I'm a scientist working in clinical research (Oncology) >Talks about her mother's cancer treatment >Asks if I have kids. Nope, but tell her I want kids in the future >She doesn't have kids either, just the dog >She said it was "refreshing" talking with me >She asks me for my number >Set up a coffee date for yesterday >She shows up with a friend >Asks me to pay for both of them >I agree, it's just coffee, but I'm bummed >She asks for a dinner date for today or later this week and invites her friend >I say no because I thought it was going to just be us on a date >"OH SO YOU CANT AFFORD IT?" No bitch, I can. I'm just not a meal ticket for you and your friend. >She says if I want to be a dad I should be able to afford a third otherwise I'm not ready >I tell her if she wants to be a mom that she needs to learn to set boundaries and it's clear she's not ready >She gets p----- and goes off on me >Her friend texts me that I'm an a------ >Block them both F---, how am I the bad guy?

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New gaming friend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 3 KB JPG 09/30/21(Thu)09:13:05 No.572761537 >Be playing vidya >Enter co op game >Black guy has joined >He's new to the game >Doesn't realise his mic is on and is recording the whole room. >He's low on health >He doesn't know how to heal. >I heal him for him >"Thank you!" >"That's so nice" >Later in the game I get downed >"I'm coming my n----" >Comes to my rescue >"I got you bro" >Finish the mission >"Yo G you're ma real n----. Respect" Mfw feels good man
: Anonymous 3 KB JPG 09/30/21(Thu)09:13:05 No.572761537 >Be playing vidya >Enter co op game >Black guy has joined >He's new to the game >Doesn't realise his mic is on and is recording the whole room. >He's low on health >He doesn't know how to heal. >I heal him for him >"Thank you!" >"That's so nice" >Later in the game I get downed >"I'm coming my n----" >Comes to my rescue >"I got you bro" >Finish the mission >"Yo G you're ma real n----. Respect" Mfw feels good man

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Anon has a little hindsight | /r/Greentext

11/01/22(Tue)22:11:47 No.888363677 : Anonymous >>888363160 (OP) # >be me back in highschool >get really into prank calls >call up businesses and impersonate the corporate office to trick people into doing stuff >call mcdonalds >convince her that she has to reset the fryer thermometer by dumping in a cup of ice >you can hear oil spilling everywhere and boiling up and you can hear her freaking out. >kek >call back 10 mins later and the manager tells me that she had to go to the hospital for burns I've never felt so guilty in my life. Those last few seconds of the call she was panning not knowing what to do and i was laughing my ass off calling her a dumb bitch. for all I know she could be all scared up and had her life thrown off course. you really gotta think before you act.
11/01/22(Tue)22:11:47 No.888363677 : Anonymous >>888363160 (OP) # >be me back in highschool >get really into prank calls >call up businesses and impersonate the corporate office to trick people into doing stuff >call mcdonalds >convince her that she has to reset the fryer thermometer by dumping in a cup of ice >you can hear oil spilling everywhere and boiling up and you can hear her freaking out. >kek >call back 10 mins later and the manager tells me that she had to go to the hospital for burns I've never felt so guilty in my life. Those last few seconds of the call she was panning not knowing what to do and i was laughing my ass off calling her a dumb bitch. for all I know she could be all scared up and had her life thrown off course. you really gotta think before you act.

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This one hurts me bad | /r/Greentext

Duv9i6eW4AAQCuq.jpg 105 KB JPG >tfw red dead redemption 2 made me realize that there's no hiding from civilization since it's everywhere >tfw can't even really homestead today bc of stupid laws >can't even properly explore anything anymore because there isn't anything still left to explore All I ever wanted was to be free
Duv9i6eW4AAQCuq.jpg 105 KB JPG >tfw red dead redemption 2 made me realize that there's no hiding from civilization since it's everywhere >tfw can't even really homestead today bc of stupid laws >can't even properly explore anything anymore because there isn't anything still left to explore All I ever wanted was to be free

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Anon Has His Assumptions | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 374 KB JPG 07/19/18(Thu)20:28:45 No.774817298 >be me >friend torrents black panther, we're about to watch it >me: "so is this actually good or just overhyped" >him: "apparently actually good, haven't watched it" >me: "i bet there's basketball, rap, and slavery references within the first 2 minutes" >him: "pfbpfptf i don't think they'd go that far man" >me: "no seriously i bet there is." >him: *awkward silence and a weird look* >we start the movie >1 minute of scifi backstory, includes a reference to slavery >followed by basketball and rap >mfw
: Anonymous 374 KB JPG 07/19/18(Thu)20:28:45 No.774817298 >be me >friend torrents black panther, we're about to watch it >me: "so is this actually good or just overhyped" >him: "apparently actually good, haven't watched it" >me: "i bet there's basketball, rap, and slavery references within the first 2 minutes" >him: "pfbpfptf i don't think they'd go that far man" >me: "no seriously i bet there is." >him: *awkward silence and a weird look* >we start the movie >1 minute of scifi backstory, includes a reference to slavery >followed by basketball and rap >mfw

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anon hates tiktok | /r/Greentext

>be me >playing black flag on ps5 >really like black flag >wife comes in >starts watching tik tok after tik tok >hour goes by >she looks at tv >Im in an epic ship battle >anon you should do something more productive with your time >leaves room Are you kidding me? Im doing something I like while you watch people suck their own d---- for likes
>be me >playing black flag on ps5 >really like black flag >wife comes in >starts watching tik tok after tik tok >hour goes by >she looks at tv >Im in an epic ship battle >anon you should do something more productive with your time >leaves room Are you kidding me? Im doing something I like while you watch people suck their own d---- for likes

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Anons first post | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous i love you♡ 191 KB JPG 11/01/22(Tue)08:41:48 No.70812961 This website is very confusing how to send a messages but I just want you all the know I think you are funny : Anonymous >>70812961 (OP) # You need to show t--- to unlock the real r9k : Anonymous 11/01/22(Tue)08:43:16 No.70812973 : Anonymous 11/01/22(Tue)08:53:30 No.70813027 >>70812961 (OP) # Thank you, anon! :D i love you! 24 KB JPG 11/01/22(Tue)08:54:05 No.70813035 >>70812961 (OP) # Please get out while you still can
: Anonymous i love you♡ 191 KB JPG 11/01/22(Tue)08:41:48 No.70812961 This website is very confusing how to send a messages but I just want you all the know I think you are funny : Anonymous >>70812961 (OP) # You need to show t--- to unlock the real r9k : Anonymous 11/01/22(Tue)08:43:16 No.70812973 : Anonymous 11/01/22(Tue)08:53:30 No.70813027 >>70812961 (OP) # Thank you, anon! :D i love you! 24 KB JPG 11/01/22(Tue)08:54:05 No.70813035 >>70812961 (OP) # Please get out while you still can

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Anon visits India | /r/Greentext

>be me >finishing last year of med school >hardest thing I've ever done in my life >super intense studies never really had time for social life or grills >last day of class 445 KB JPG >all the disciplines gathers for final summit >meet random Indian girl >pretty hot for a street s------ >smalltalk.mp3 >she invites me to end of the year party at friends house >f--- it why not >arrive at party >full of chad and becky medfags so party is boring as f--- >think about leaving >finally spot the poopy qt >she's actually really interesting >end up talking about vidyas and music all night >eventually tells me her parents still live in some slum back in India >parents gave everything to get her to school >sadviolin.wav >fast forward a month >finally graduated >grill and I have getting more serious >we are both looking for a residency at any hospital that will take us >entire process is exhausting >India gt tells me she is going home to visit her parents >asks me to go with her >never been abroad and need a break from job search >decide to go with cont. >Airindia.gif >inside of the plane smells like a curry dumpster >finally make it to New Delhi >parents live an hour car ride outside of the city >landscape getting increasingly s----- >see people literally s------- in the streets >wild dogs everywhere. >get to parents house >mudhut with no windows. >qt keeps apologizing for the slum horror. >introduce myself to the parents >typical India npc's but super nice >mom starts cooking dinner >dad constantly swearing and chasing off dogs that try to come in the house while mom cooks >tells me the dogs are huge problem >tells me locals round up and kill the female dogs to stop them from breeding >grossed if out but shrug it off >mom announces dinner is ready >never had authentic Indian food so I'm f------ stoked >mfw the mom brings out an actual lasagna >mom sees I'm stunned and confused >"oh, anon, my daughter told me you're Italian' >i'm sicilian but ok >don't want to be rude >to my shock the lasagna is actually incredible. >mom explains how difficult it was to find the ingredients >I ask what kind of meat she used >"oh it's from last nights dog slaughter >excusemewhatthefuck.jpeg >mfw I'm eating street dog >mfw I'm eating dog lasagna >mfw I realize I'm literally eating bitch lasagna >bitch lasagna >T-series ain't nothin but a bitch lasagna
>be me >finishing last year of med school >hardest thing I've ever done in my life >super intense studies never really had time for social life or grills >last day of class 445 KB JPG >all the disciplines gathers for final summit >meet random Indian girl >pretty hot for a street s------ >smalltalk.mp3 >she invites me to end of the year party at friends house >f--- it why not >arrive at party >full of chad and becky medfags so party is boring as f--- >think about leaving >finally spot the poopy qt >she's actually really interesting >end up talking about vidyas and music all night >eventually tells me her parents still live in some slum back in India >parents gave everything to get her to school >sadviolin.wav >fast forward a month >finally graduated >grill and I have getting more serious >we are both looking for a residency at any hospital that will take us >entire process is exhausting >India gt tells me she is going home to visit her parents >asks me to go with her >never been abroad and need a break from job search >decide to go with cont. >Airindia.gif >inside of the plane smells like a curry dumpster >finally make it to New Delhi >parents live an hour car ride outside of the city >landscape getting increasingly s----- >see people literally s------- in the streets >wild dogs everywhere. >get to parents house >mudhut with no windows. >qt keeps apologizing for the slum horror. >introduce myself to the parents >typical India npc's but super nice >mom starts cooking dinner >dad constantly swearing and chasing off dogs that try to come in the house while mom cooks >tells me the dogs are huge problem >tells me locals round up and kill the female dogs to stop them from breeding >grossed if out but shrug it off >mom announces dinner is ready >never had authentic Indian food so I'm f------ stoked >mfw the mom brings out an actual lasagna >mom sees I'm stunned and confused >"oh, anon, my daughter told me you're Italian' >i'm sicilian but ok >don't want to be rude >to my shock the lasagna is actually incredible. >mom explains how difficult it was to find the ingredients >I ask what kind of meat she used >"oh it's from last nights dog slaughter >excusemewhatthefuck.jpeg >mfw I'm eating street dog >mfw I'm eating dog lasagna >mfw I realize I'm literally eating bitch lasagna >bitch lasagna >T-series ain't nothin but a bitch lasagna

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Anon is a Gnostic. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Is Satan really that bad? 46 KB JPG 09/14/22(Wed)06:55:05 No.32872711 God: >Flooded the whole Earth >Killed billions of people >Punishes his very creations for a living 13 Replies Satan: >Didn't kill anyone >Only thought that he was better than God because of that >God got pissy and told everyone that Satan was actually the bad guy View Thread
: Anonymous Is Satan really that bad? 46 KB JPG 09/14/22(Wed)06:55:05 No.32872711 God: >Flooded the whole Earth >Killed billions of people >Punishes his very creations for a living 13 Replies Satan: >Didn't kill anyone >Only thought that he was better than God because of that >God got pissy and told everyone that Satan was actually the bad guy View Thread

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Anon missed his opportunity | /r/Greentext


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Anon isn't murican | /r/Greentext

File: u53rfhwy.jpg (82 KB, 640x473) 112 PASTOR PUMPKIN CARVING KIT Anonymous 10/31/22(Mon)21:30:09 No.616801781 >>616801965 >>616802046 >>616802049 >>616802367 >>616802506 >>616802563 >>616802605 >>616802732 >>616803217 >>616803276 >>616803393 >>616803430 >>616803732 >>616803830 >>616804780 >>616805454 >000000000AHHH IT IS IT'S... IT'S HALLOWEEN... I MUST PLAY HORROR GAMES. I'M OBLIGED TO DO IT CUZ OF THE LE HORROR HOLYDAY... OMG THE HALLOWEEN VIBES HORROR FOR REAL. SCAAAAAAAAARY
File: u53rfhwy.jpg (82 KB, 640x473) 112 PASTOR PUMPKIN CARVING KIT Anonymous 10/31/22(Mon)21:30:09 No.616801781 >>616801965 >>616802046 >>616802049 >>616802367 >>616802506 >>616802563 >>616802605 >>616802732 >>616803217 >>616803276 >>616803393 >>616803430 >>616803732 >>616803830 >>616804780 >>616805454 >000000000AHHH IT IS IT'S... IT'S HALLOWEEN... I MUST PLAY HORROR GAMES. I'M OBLIGED TO DO IT CUZ OF THE LE HORROR HOLYDAY... OMG THE HALLOWEEN VIBES HORROR FOR REAL. SCAAAAAAAAARY

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anon fails to be a chad | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/29/18(Tue)12:49:54 No.45755456 YgmcQik.jpg 46 KB JPG >try to get a Chad haircut >comes out looking like pic related What the f--- am I doing wrong? I went to a proper hair stylist that cost $100. Should I shave it all off?
Anonymous 05/29/18(Tue)12:49:54 No.45755456 YgmcQik.jpg 46 KB JPG >try to get a Chad haircut >comes out looking like pic related What the f--- am I doing wrong? I went to a proper hair stylist that cost $100. Should I shave it all off?

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anon goes to walmart | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10 KB JPG 10/06/22(Thu)14:41:29 No.10420855 >Be me >At walmart >Carry 500 dollars worth of groceries >At checkout >Card gets declined cuz my bitch ass dad closed my bank account >About to cry and break down >"ay lemme take it from here" >Someone behind me says >Its a kid who deadass looks to be 13 >Pays for the groceries >"Hey thank you" >"You're welcome" >"Hey you had to pay a lot for that, what is you do?" >"im a drug dealer" H-------- so s--- so f------ cool
: Anonymous 10 KB JPG 10/06/22(Thu)14:41:29 No.10420855 >Be me >At walmart >Carry 500 dollars worth of groceries >At checkout >Card gets declined cuz my bitch ass dad closed my bank account >About to cry and break down >"ay lemme take it from here" >Someone behind me says >Its a kid who deadass looks to be 13 >Pays for the groceries >"Hey thank you" >"You're welcome" >"Hey you had to pay a lot for that, what is you do?" >"im a drug dealer" H-------- so s--- so f------ cool

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Anon makes a friend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 101 KB PNG 08/02/21 (Mon)21:38:17 No.3: >Moo at a cow >It moos back We are friends
: Anonymous 101 KB PNG 08/02/21 (Mon)21:38:17 No.3: >Moo at a cow >It moos back We are friends

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Anon’s coworker | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 80 KB JPG 11/01/22(Tue)17:25:54 No.70818282 >be black >work at a mostly black job >receiving training from a black coworker >black coworker constantly drones on about hating white people >can't stand white women >laughs at white women for having braids >laughs at white women for fetishizing BBC >laughs at white women's bodies >tells me how he finds most white women unattractive >meet his wife one day >white woman
: Anonymous 80 KB JPG 11/01/22(Tue)17:25:54 No.70818282 >be black >work at a mostly black job >receiving training from a black coworker >black coworker constantly drones on about hating white people >can't stand white women >laughs at white women for having braids >laughs at white women for fetishizing BBC >laughs at white women's bodies >tells me how he finds most white women unattractive >meet his wife one day >white woman

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Kerbal Space Program | /r/Greentext

File: N-008.png (283 KB, 523x567) RED WHITE & BI PARACH Anonymous 03/24/17 (Fri)11:29:31 No.726714895 [Reply] > be me > be in 2003 > firework night > britfag celebration of the torture of a catholic > Uncle reveals he's attached mice/guinea pigs to the rockets along with makeshift parachutes > fireworks start going off > no mice survive > wholesome family tradition begins > be one year later > more mice > family compete to see who can make the best parachutes > no mice survive > be in 2008 > first successful landing > first firework day trophy is awarded to my sister > still no survivors though > baby steps > be in 2015 > great year for rocket riders > 11 survive > mfw I still haven't won a trophy > pic related > be in 2010 > first survivor touches down > big celebration > we begin breeding the mice to save money > survivor is used as stud to selectively breed an ubermaus race of rocket riders > be in 2011 > we are getting good at this > survival rate has reached -5 per year > survivors are sent back up clearly they are the best specimens > need to stay competetive to win the trophy and newly introduced monetary prize
File: N-008.png (283 KB, 523x567) RED WHITE & BI PARACH Anonymous 03/24/17 (Fri)11:29:31 No.726714895 [Reply] > be me > be in 2003 > firework night > britfag celebration of the torture of a catholic > Uncle reveals he's attached mice/guinea pigs to the rockets along with makeshift parachutes > fireworks start going off > no mice survive > wholesome family tradition begins > be one year later > more mice > family compete to see who can make the best parachutes > no mice survive > be in 2008 > first successful landing > first firework day trophy is awarded to my sister > still no survivors though > baby steps > be in 2015 > great year for rocket riders > 11 survive > mfw I still haven't won a trophy > pic related > be in 2010 > first survivor touches down > big celebration > we begin breeding the mice to save money > survivor is used as stud to selectively breed an ubermaus race of rocket riders > be in 2011 > we are getting good at this > survival rate has reached -5 per year > survivors are sent back up clearly they are the best specimens > need to stay competetive to win the trophy and newly introduced monetary prize

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Revenge mode: ON | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/19/17(Sun)12:52:18 No.43637642 980 KB GIF >Ex broke up with me after dating for a year last month >Something about us 'Not being compatible', aka code speak for she's f------ chad behind my back >I'm f------ p----- >Devise a perfect plan to make her jealous and get her back >Live in LA, gym is full of twinks and other f--- >I'm a pretty big guy so they're easy to pick up >Take them home, make them wear girl clothes and f--- them silly >Take a picture every time when their d--- is out of the shot and send it to my ex >She thinks I'm f------ 2 different girls every week >This continues for about a month, until she approaches me, and asks if we want to get back together >Tell her to f--- off and go back to being a w---- I'm not even gay but I think I've devised the world's best revenge method.
: Anonymous 11/19/17(Sun)12:52:18 No.43637642 980 KB GIF >Ex broke up with me after dating for a year last month >Something about us 'Not being compatible', aka code speak for she's f------ chad behind my back >I'm f------ p----- >Devise a perfect plan to make her jealous and get her back >Live in LA, gym is full of twinks and other f--- >I'm a pretty big guy so they're easy to pick up >Take them home, make them wear girl clothes and f--- them silly >Take a picture every time when their d--- is out of the shot and send it to my ex >She thinks I'm f------ 2 different girls every week >This continues for about a month, until she approaches me, and asks if we want to get back together >Tell her to f--- off and go back to being a w---- I'm not even gay but I think I've devised the world's best revenge method.

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The subject | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 71 KB JPG 04/15/22(Fri)18:25:57 No.876351510 >sitting blindfolded >woman in lab coat feeds me a Twix >"Left" >she marks her notes >329 consecutive correct guesses
Anonymous 71 KB JPG 04/15/22(Fri)18:25:57 No.876351510 >sitting blindfolded >woman in lab coat feeds me a Twix >"Left" >she marks her notes >329 consecutive correct guesses

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Anon is a Prankster | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 53 KB JPG 03/11/22 (Fri) 10:17:10 No.874215710 >be me >4th grade >bring 3 sharpners to school >friend tells me thats a lot of sharpners >bring 3 more sharpners the next day >friend gives me his sharpner to grow my collection >start collecting more and more sharpners >go to stationary every week to by more sharpners >collect about 70 sharpners by the end of the month >start bringing a tiny bag to carry thoes sharpner >english teacher asks for a sharpner >offer her the bag thinking she'd be impressed >sees all my sharpners and writes a note to my parents >only allowed to bring 1 sharpner >idea.jpg >make a huge sharpner out of cardboard >dad helps me to color it with red and silver spray paint >display it on my table during the english period >get sent to the office fun days
: Anonymous 53 KB JPG 03/11/22 (Fri) 10:17:10 No.874215710 >be me >4th grade >bring 3 sharpners to school >friend tells me thats a lot of sharpners >bring 3 more sharpners the next day >friend gives me his sharpner to grow my collection >start collecting more and more sharpners >go to stationary every week to by more sharpners >collect about 70 sharpners by the end of the month >start bringing a tiny bag to carry thoes sharpner >english teacher asks for a sharpner >offer her the bag thinking she'd be impressed >sees all my sharpners and writes a note to my parents >only allowed to bring 1 sharpner >idea.jpg >make a huge sharpner out of cardboard >dad helps me to color it with red and silver spray paint >display it on my table during the english period >get sent to the office fun days

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Anon watches star wars with his nephew | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 351 KB PNG 10/29/21(Fri)12:02:20 No.65944874 >be me >watching Star Wars with 7 year old nephew >trying to explain the plot of The Phantom Menace to him >"The Trade Federation is invading Naboo because Naboo won't pay their taxes" >"what are taxes?" >"Taxes are like extra money you have to give to the government whenever you buy stuff" >"That sounds evil" >Explain to him that taxes are a thing in real life Mfw my nephew says he wants to join the rebellion and destroy the US President now.
: Anonymous 351 KB PNG 10/29/21(Fri)12:02:20 No.65944874 >be me >watching Star Wars with 7 year old nephew >trying to explain the plot of The Phantom Menace to him >"The Trade Federation is invading Naboo because Naboo won't pay their taxes" >"what are taxes?" >"Taxes are like extra money you have to give to the government whenever you buy stuff" >"That sounds evil" >Explain to him that taxes are a thing in real life Mfw my nephew says he wants to join the rebellion and destroy the US President now.

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