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Anon critizes moisture | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 8 KB JPG 05/20/22(Fri)23:48:11 No.68714289 >hey guys it's critical >today we are taking yet another clip from my live stream of me watching a youtube video that somebody else made and getting a million views for what little I add in words with my boring dry tired voice >also, for comedic effect, I will stretch the image on the youtube thumbnail for the billionth time >please laugh
Anonymous 8 KB JPG 05/20/22(Fri)23:48:11 No.68714289 >hey guys it's critical >today we are taking yet another clip from my live stream of me watching a youtube video that somebody else made and getting a million views for what little I add in words with my boring dry tired voice >also, for comedic effect, I will stretch the image on the youtube thumbnail for the billionth time >please laugh

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Anon makes ex jealous | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/19/17(Sun)12:52:18 No.43637642 980 KB GIF >Ex broke up with me after dating for a year last month >Something about us 'Not being compatible', aka code speak for she's f------ chad behind my back >I'm f------ p----- >Devise a perfect plan to make her jealous and get her back >Live in LA, gym is full of twinks and other f--- >I'm a pretty big guy so they're easy to pick up >Take them home, make them wear girl clothes and f--- them silly >Take a picture every time when their d--- is out of the shot and send it to my ex >She thinks I'm f------ 2 different girls every week >This continues for about a month, until she approaches me, and asks if we want to get back together >Tell her to f--- off and go back to being a w---- I'm not even gay but I think I've devised the world's best revenge method.
: Anonymous 11/19/17(Sun)12:52:18 No.43637642 980 KB GIF >Ex broke up with me after dating for a year last month >Something about us 'Not being compatible', aka code speak for she's f------ chad behind my back >I'm f------ p----- >Devise a perfect plan to make her jealous and get her back >Live in LA, gym is full of twinks and other f--- >I'm a pretty big guy so they're easy to pick up >Take them home, make them wear girl clothes and f--- them silly >Take a picture every time when their d--- is out of the shot and send it to my ex >She thinks I'm f------ 2 different girls every week >This continues for about a month, until she approaches me, and asks if we want to get back together >Tell her to f--- off and go back to being a w---- I'm not even gay but I think I've devised the world's best revenge method.

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Anon has a great 2019.............. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/03/19(Thu)01:55:21 No.7889665 I know nobody is going to care, but I need to share it with someone >be me, 20, never had a girlfriend/been with a girl before (actual sperg) >decide to have a kickback at my house on New Years Eve; 10 or so people just smoking weed and watching movies 72 KB PNG >one of my best friends, who i've known since 7th grade is there >she's just chilling with her head in my lap, which is normal since we're pretty close >solid 7/10, always had feelings for her, just too awkward to make a move, and i figured she was out of my league >I pass my controller to one of my friends when all the sudden she pulls me down >kisses me on the cheek, and after the initial shock I kiss her back >we end up making out for a couple of minutes, and spend the rest of the night in each others arms >texts me the next day to tell me that she's had feelings for me for a long time, but she was too afraid to tell me >I tell her the same thing We're now dating, and i've literally never been happier before. I know it was a s----- story and nobody cares, but I don't have a lot of friends and I had to tell someone
Anonymous 01/03/19(Thu)01:55:21 No.7889665 I know nobody is going to care, but I need to share it with someone >be me, 20, never had a girlfriend/been with a girl before (actual sperg) >decide to have a kickback at my house on New Years Eve; 10 or so people just smoking weed and watching movies 72 KB PNG >one of my best friends, who i've known since 7th grade is there >she's just chilling with her head in my lap, which is normal since we're pretty close >solid 7/10, always had feelings for her, just too awkward to make a move, and i figured she was out of my league >I pass my controller to one of my friends when all the sudden she pulls me down >kisses me on the cheek, and after the initial shock I kiss her back >we end up making out for a couple of minutes, and spend the rest of the night in each others arms >texts me the next day to tell me that she's had feelings for me for a long time, but she was too afraid to tell me >I tell her the same thing We're now dating, and i've literally never been happier before. I know it was a s----- story and nobody cares, but I don't have a lot of friends and I had to tell someone

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Anon is a koi | /r/Greentext

>>2936664 # yaay pelleds brainlet koi 2.jpg 103 KB JPG
>>2936664 # yaay pelleds brainlet koi 2.jpg 103 KB JPG

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anon tries to flirt | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous BURGER KING 76 KB JPG 03/05/22(Sat) 19:49:23 No.17512998 >Hate fast food >Not even American >But the cute redhead working the drive thru always warms my heart Looks like it'll be another Double Steakhouse without tomatoes for me boys. Once i have my new car i'll ask her out. >Hey, without tomatoes as usual? >Yeah, cus' you're the only red thing i'd need on my burger heh! : Anonymous 03/05/22(Sat) 19:51:31 No.17513004 >>17512998 (OP) # don't use that line. >>17513010 #
: Anonymous BURGER KING 76 KB JPG 03/05/22(Sat) 19:49:23 No.17512998 >Hate fast food >Not even American >But the cute redhead working the drive thru always warms my heart Looks like it'll be another Double Steakhouse without tomatoes for me boys. Once i have my new car i'll ask her out. >Hey, without tomatoes as usual? >Yeah, cus' you're the only red thing i'd need on my burger heh! : Anonymous 03/05/22(Sat) 19:51:31 No.17513004 >>17512998 (OP) # don't use that line. >>17513010 #

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English grammar | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 14 KB JPG 01/28/23(Sat)04:14:51 No.21580518 >had had
: Anonymous 14 KB JPG 01/28/23(Sat)04:14:51 No.21580518 >had had

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Out of the nest | /r/Greentext

07/22/22(Fri)03:16:56 No.69505382 >be me, incel 2 years ago >matched with a girl on hinge >she was a virgin, liked anime, played vidya with me >lose our virginities to each other >now she wants to open the relationship so she can see what sex is like with different people >she feels restricted since she's only ever f----- me I don't want to go back to being an incel but I have no idea how to fix this. : Anonymous 57 KB PNG
07/22/22(Fri)03:16:56 No.69505382 >be me, incel 2 years ago >matched with a girl on hinge >she was a virgin, liked anime, played vidya with me >lose our virginities to each other >now she wants to open the relationship so she can see what sex is like with different people >she feels restricted since she's only ever f----- me I don't want to go back to being an incel but I have no idea how to fix this. : Anonymous 57 KB PNG

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Anon has a faulty shower | /r/Greentext

dependee 4 Reminder to not c-- in the shower >be 13 yo me >discovered the joy of m----------- a month before >jerking off in the shower >c--, it washes down the drain, all good >double check >c-- is floating in the drain for some reason >whatever, f--- it, leave and hope for the best >ffw 2 days later >mom calls me to the bathroom >"Anon, come here, look at this" >drain is clogged >culprit is a bunch of her hair >on top of the hair is a week's worth of c-- >mfw
dependee 4 Reminder to not c-- in the shower >be 13 yo me >discovered the joy of m----------- a month before >jerking off in the shower >c--, it washes down the drain, all good >double check >c-- is floating in the drain for some reason >whatever, f--- it, leave and hope for the best >ffw 2 days later >mom calls me to the bathroom >"Anon, come here, look at this" >drain is clogged >culprit is a bunch of her hair >on top of the hair is a week's worth of c-- >mfw

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Anon has a friend | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 7 KB JPG 06/27/18 (Wed)00:08:13 No.46392003 Just gonna share a story about how I realised that Chad is not my enemy, and that he in fact is everything I could ever want to be. >many years ago >meet Chad playing dayz, we were both young >talk to him throughout many years, he considers me a very good friend for some reason >we talk about we're doing, play games once in a while, he's busy but when he's online he always messages me and asks me to play stuff with him >this is good for me because i'm f------ lonely, have hardly any friends, but Chad is always there >he invites me to visit him, he lives in another Western Euro country >I have no money because NEET, tell him I can't, he says he will pay for me >buys me a ticket, says I can stay over his place, it's a really nice place, Chad has a great job in some IT company >l visit him, he takes me to parties, never leaves my side, gives me talks on how I should behave >introduces me to his friends, tries his best to get me to interact with them, talks about me to his friends and makes me sound a lot more interesting than I am >takes me to some clubs where he's well known, tells me things like I should just enjoy myself and not be nervous, actually gets me to dance one night >I have a few breakdowns when we're outside doing stuff, in my mind I can't do this, all the self hate makes me completely shut down sometimes >Chad takes me out and talks me through it, som start having fun being around normies, Chad never leaves my side : Anonymous 06/27/18(Wed)00:12:34 No.4639206 >he's always chatting up girls, they're approaching him like it's a common thing for him, instead of trying to score with them he instead gets them to talk to me >spilling spaghetti hard, but know that Chat is there and he is, always see that he's right there if I shut down, constantly walks up to me and asks how I'm doing, if everything is ok >at the same time he's always giving me space to talk to new people, constantly introducing me and trying to get me to be more social, he's actually succeeding because I DO talk to people there >even manage to chat some s100t up, no idea how but she seems interested in me, we're both laughing and having a generally good time >Chad senses this and tells me to take her to his place, he will stay out and will sleep at his buddies place >completely fail and lose my boner when I'm with her, tell Chad about it and he laughs and says that it's no big deal, says the same thing happened to him >can tell that he knows that I'm a virgo but he never mocks me >spend a month with him, eventually do end up losing my virginity with another girl he introduced me to fast forward to now, this was around a month ago >he's giving me tips on how to make cheap but meretricious meals >send him pics of what I made, he is actually proud for some reason >realise he's my father figure, he's the best person ever met >is trying to convince me to go to the gym >wants me to visit him again and take me fishing at his cabin Sure there are good and bad Chad's, but this guy and his friends are the best people I have ever met. I don't know why he decided to try and "fix" me but for some reason he did and I am so incredibly thankful.
Anonymous 7 KB JPG 06/27/18 (Wed)00:08:13 No.46392003 Just gonna share a story about how I realised that Chad is not my enemy, and that he in fact is everything I could ever want to be. >many years ago >meet Chad playing dayz, we were both young >talk to him throughout many years, he considers me a very good friend for some reason >we talk about we're doing, play games once in a while, he's busy but when he's online he always messages me and asks me to play stuff with him >this is good for me because i'm f------ lonely, have hardly any friends, but Chad is always there >he invites me to visit him, he lives in another Western Euro country >I have no money because NEET, tell him I can't, he says he will pay for me >buys me a ticket, says I can stay over his place, it's a really nice place, Chad has a great job in some IT company >l visit him, he takes me to parties, never leaves my side, gives me talks on how I should behave >introduces me to his friends, tries his best to get me to interact with them, talks about me to his friends and makes me sound a lot more interesting than I am >takes me to some clubs where he's well known, tells me things like I should just enjoy myself and not be nervous, actually gets me to dance one night >I have a few breakdowns when we're outside doing stuff, in my mind I can't do this, all the self hate makes me completely shut down sometimes >Chad takes me out and talks me through it, som start having fun being around normies, Chad never leaves my side : Anonymous 06/27/18(Wed)00:12:34 No.4639206 >he's always chatting up girls, they're approaching him like it's a common thing for him, instead of trying to score with them he instead gets them to talk to me >spilling spaghetti hard, but know that Chat is there and he is, always see that he's right there if I shut down, constantly walks up to me and asks how I'm doing, if everything is ok >at the same time he's always giving me space to talk to new people, constantly introducing me and trying to get me to be more social, he's actually succeeding because I DO talk to people there >even manage to chat some s100t up, no idea how but she seems interested in me, we're both laughing and having a generally good time >Chad senses this and tells me to take her to his place, he will stay out and will sleep at his buddies place >completely fail and lose my boner when I'm with her, tell Chad about it and he laughs and says that it's no big deal, says the same thing happened to him >can tell that he knows that I'm a virgo but he never mocks me >spend a month with him, eventually do end up losing my virginity with another girl he introduced me to fast forward to now, this was around a month ago >he's giving me tips on how to make cheap but meretricious meals >send him pics of what I made, he is actually proud for some reason >realise he's my father figure, he's the best person ever met >is trying to convince me to go to the gym >wants me to visit him again and take me fishing at his cabin Sure there are good and bad Chad's, but this guy and his friends are the best people I have ever met. I don't know why he decided to try and "fix" me but for some reason he did and I am so incredibly thankful.

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Why we lift | /r/Greentext

O Greta Thunberg is why I lift Anonymous 01/31/23(Tue)20:39:39 No.69796206 >>69796224 >>69796229 Greta Thunberg is the reason I work out. I have this fantasy where we start talking at the UN climate summit after party. We exchange a few pleasantries. She asks what I do. I say I loved her on CNN She laughs. I get my drink. "Well, see ya," I say and walk away. I've got her attention now. How many guys voluntarily leave a conversation with Greta Thunberg? She touches her neck as she watches me leave. Later, as the night's dragged on and the coterie of gorgeous narcissists grows increasingly loose, she finds me on the balcony, my bowtie undone, smoking a c--------. "Got a spare?" she asks. "What's in it for me?" I say as I hand her one of my little white ladies. She smiles. "Conversation with me, duh." I laugh. "What's so funny?" she protests. "Nothing, nothing... It's just... don't you grow tired of the egos?" "You get used to it," she says, lighting her c-------- and handing me back the lighter. "What would you do if you weren't a climate change activist?" I ask. "Teaching, I think." "And if I was your student, what would I be learning?" "Discipline," she says quickly, looking up into my eyes, before changing the subject. "Where are you from?" "Mexico" I say. "Oh wow. That's lovely." "It's OK," I admit. "Not everything is to my liking." "What could possibly be not to your liking in Mexico?" she inquires. "I don't like sand," I tell her. "It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere."
O Greta Thunberg is why I lift Anonymous 01/31/23(Tue)20:39:39 No.69796206 >>69796224 >>69796229 Greta Thunberg is the reason I work out. I have this fantasy where we start talking at the UN climate summit after party. We exchange a few pleasantries. She asks what I do. I say I loved her on CNN She laughs. I get my drink. "Well, see ya," I say and walk away. I've got her attention now. How many guys voluntarily leave a conversation with Greta Thunberg? She touches her neck as she watches me leave. Later, as the night's dragged on and the coterie of gorgeous narcissists grows increasingly loose, she finds me on the balcony, my bowtie undone, smoking a c--------. "Got a spare?" she asks. "What's in it for me?" I say as I hand her one of my little white ladies. She smiles. "Conversation with me, duh." I laugh. "What's so funny?" she protests. "Nothing, nothing... It's just... don't you grow tired of the egos?" "You get used to it," she says, lighting her c-------- and handing me back the lighter. "What would you do if you weren't a climate change activist?" I ask. "Teaching, I think." "And if I was your student, what would I be learning?" "Discipline," she says quickly, looking up into my eyes, before changing the subject. "Where are you from?" "Mexico" I say. "Oh wow. That's lovely." "It's OK," I admit. "Not everything is to my liking." "What could possibly be not to your liking in Mexico?" she inquires. "I don't like sand," I tell her. "It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere."

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Anon has mastered body and mind. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/30/21(Thu)02:10:51 No.65577668 >late at night >craving a Wendy's burger >not even hungry, I know I'll only take a few bites and throw the rest away >I like the idea of eating a Wendy's burger, but not so much the reality of paying for something I won't eat >decide to just picture the burger instead >vividly picture platonic form of Wendy's burger >it's perfect, they can't possibly f--- up the order because it's in my mind >imagine eating the burger bite by bite >I finish 345 KB GIF >feel better, no more craving What the f--- is wrong with me
Anonymous 09/30/21(Thu)02:10:51 No.65577668 >late at night >craving a Wendy's burger >not even hungry, I know I'll only take a few bites and throw the rest away >I like the idea of eating a Wendy's burger, but not so much the reality of paying for something I won't eat >decide to just picture the burger instead >vividly picture platonic form of Wendy's burger >it's perfect, they can't possibly f--- up the order because it's in my mind >imagine eating the burger bite by bite >I finish 345 KB GIF >feel better, no more craving What the f--- is wrong with me

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Anon relives a childhood trauma | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous teacher trauma thread 48 KB JPG 01/31/23(Tue) 20:57:32 No.72046762 or any other adult who had authority over you as a kid and did/said something which still f---- you up to this day, no matter how stupid it was >be me, grade 2 >total asskiss teacher's pet type >always the "good girl" example >hated attention so hated that but that's another talk >christmas holiday coming up! >grandparents are gonna take me to see the nutcracker! >never get to hang out with them! >so excited! >won't shut up about it for like three weeks leading up to it >last day of school before holiday break >show is gonna be that night >do something stupid in class and teacher gets big mad >takes away my markers as "punishment" (doodled all the time, "art kid") >fullblowntantrum.wav >not used to being the "bad kid" >no idea how to handle this kind of attention >"Kids who behave like you don't deserve to go to a nice show with their grandparents!" Still think about that to this day. That teacher was really nice to me before/after that. Have always been told how mild-mannered and well-behaved I was but still convinced that was my one "mask-slip" moment and the only time an adult actually saw/told the truth about me, and that the truth is I'm an absolute p------------ who doesn't deserve anything good.
: Anonymous teacher trauma thread 48 KB JPG 01/31/23(Tue) 20:57:32 No.72046762 or any other adult who had authority over you as a kid and did/said something which still f---- you up to this day, no matter how stupid it was >be me, grade 2 >total asskiss teacher's pet type >always the "good girl" example >hated attention so hated that but that's another talk >christmas holiday coming up! >grandparents are gonna take me to see the nutcracker! >never get to hang out with them! >so excited! >won't shut up about it for like three weeks leading up to it >last day of school before holiday break >show is gonna be that night >do something stupid in class and teacher gets big mad >takes away my markers as "punishment" (doodled all the time, "art kid") >fullblowntantrum.wav >not used to being the "bad kid" >no idea how to handle this kind of attention >"Kids who behave like you don't deserve to go to a nice show with their grandparents!" Still think about that to this day. That teacher was really nice to me before/after that. Have always been told how mild-mannered and well-behaved I was but still convinced that was my one "mask-slip" moment and the only time an adult actually saw/told the truth about me, and that the truth is I'm an absolute p------------ who doesn't deserve anything good.

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Harry Potter and the Coomlet of Fire | /r/Greentext

What would be different in Harry Potter if Draco was a girl named Davina? Anonymous 02/01/23(Wed)16:38:06 No.180027190 ► >got a stiffy, Potter? >:3 >you wish!
What would be different in Harry Potter if Draco was a girl named Davina? Anonymous 02/01/23(Wed)16:38:06 No.180027190 ► >got a stiffy, Potter? >:3 >you wish!

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Anon tries to be a funny man | /r/Greentext

Anonymous How to get a personality 52 KB JPG >be me, 17 >couple years ago before I found r/greentext and eventually this website I used to be a funny guy and actually was fun to hang around >now I just think about the dreadful future we're headed into, recession, housing, the college debt I'll hold for years, etc. 02/01/23(Wed)18:39:09 No.893639282 Guys I've realised that scrolling on here for too long has genuinely eroded my personality and radicalised me, is there anyway I can stop and become a normie again? >biggest problem isn't talking to women or "pulling" women, it's getting them to stay >last week I went on a date with a Stacy and started talking about how I say the n word not because I'm racist but because it's a political tool the jews use to divide the working class and I'm fighting against it >she made up an excuse and left halfway >w-- do I do bros I miss the younger me if I still had his personality I'd be able to make a girl smile and giggle Anonymous : Anonymous 25 KB JPG 02/01/23(Wed)18:40:45 No.893639312 02/01/23(Wed)18:41:53 No.893639342 >>893639282 (OP) # >the jooz
Anonymous How to get a personality 52 KB JPG >be me, 17 >couple years ago before I found r/greentext and eventually this website I used to be a funny guy and actually was fun to hang around >now I just think about the dreadful future we're headed into, recession, housing, the college debt I'll hold for years, etc. 02/01/23(Wed)18:39:09 No.893639282 Guys I've realised that scrolling on here for too long has genuinely eroded my personality and radicalised me, is there anyway I can stop and become a normie again? >biggest problem isn't talking to women or "pulling" women, it's getting them to stay >last week I went on a date with a Stacy and started talking about how I say the n word not because I'm racist but because it's a political tool the jews use to divide the working class and I'm fighting against it >she made up an excuse and left halfway >w-- do I do bros I miss the younger me if I still had his personality I'd be able to make a girl smile and giggle Anonymous : Anonymous 25 KB JPG 02/01/23(Wed)18:40:45 No.893639312 02/01/23(Wed)18:41:53 No.893639342 >>893639282 (OP) # >the jooz

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Anon has never had banging of pussy | /r/Greentext

#90, No. 893633181 6 hours ago Please excuse of English 7 years from go my mom was single lady because of death. I was 16 years and never had banging of p----. >she says to me, hishdi, when I look at peen is good to put in . >I said, yes we do inside. >when banging of p---- she also make yershkuh on face. >is hot to p---- >I did for 5 years. >s--- was cash af
#90, No. 893633181 6 hours ago Please excuse of English 7 years from go my mom was single lady because of death. I was 16 years and never had banging of p----. >she says to me, hishdi, when I look at peen is good to put in . >I said, yes we do inside. >when banging of p---- she also make yershkuh on face. >is hot to p---- >I did for 5 years. >s--- was cash af

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anon unvirgins himself | /r/Greentext

: me 28 KB JPG : Anonymous : Anonymous proud of you >she's technically my wife now in my head >later virgins : Anonymous : me 02/01/23(Wed)14:59:45 No.893637891 >be me >never left my room for two weeks >finally get board >decide to look through the window >see a woman walking down the street >it's love at first sight >have a fantasy of her and me getting married >>893637891 (OP) # >bump 02/01/23(Wed)15:34:39 No.893638563 02/01/23(Wed)15:45:17 No.893638746 02/01/23(Wed)15:48:09 No.893638799 02/01/23(Wed)16:29:41 No.893639691 02/01/23(Wed)16:55:19 No.893640268 : Anonymous >>893637891 (OP) # Add me in the screenshot redditfags
: me 28 KB JPG : Anonymous : Anonymous proud of you >she's technically my wife now in my head >later virgins : Anonymous : me 02/01/23(Wed)14:59:45 No.893637891 >be me >never left my room for two weeks >finally get board >decide to look through the window >see a woman walking down the street >it's love at first sight >have a fantasy of her and me getting married >>893637891 (OP) # >bump 02/01/23(Wed)15:34:39 No.893638563 02/01/23(Wed)15:45:17 No.893638746 02/01/23(Wed)15:48:09 No.893638799 02/01/23(Wed)16:29:41 No.893639691 02/01/23(Wed)16:55:19 No.893640268 : Anonymous >>893637891 (OP) # Add me in the screenshot redditfags

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