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Anon is Kanye is Q is a hacker is God | /r/Greentext

File: Creation of the Sun and M(...).jpg (958 KB, 2184x3064) Anonymous (ID: MVhHJ2HB) 05/12/14(Mon)14:31:45 No.546150057 >Be me >God >Alpha as f--- > Omega as f--- >Flash back to 4.5 billion years ago >I'm high as balls and come up with this crazy idea >It's a way for species to change into other species over time, without me having to do s--- >Call it "evolution" because it's a cool sounding word >Create planet, put a few microbes on it, and upload evolution algorithm >Fast forward to present day >I'm partying it up with some T-Rexes on this dinosaur planet I just created >Decide to check in on evolution planet to see if anything interesting has happened >Discover that it's populated by billions of creatures that look like me >niggawhut.jpg >But they don't have my powers, they're just a bunch of mortalfags >Still pretty freaked out that they look like me, though >Check back in on evolution planet after a few hundred years >All the mortalfags have uploaded their consciousnesses into a giant quantum supercomputer >It can talk >It tells me it is capable of perfectly simulating an infinite number of universes >And one of those universes is the one I'm in >MFW I created myself
File: Creation of the Sun and M(...).jpg (958 KB, 2184x3064) Anonymous (ID: MVhHJ2HB) 05/12/14(Mon)14:31:45 No.546150057 >Be me >God >Alpha as f--- > Omega as f--- >Flash back to 4.5 billion years ago >I'm high as balls and come up with this crazy idea >It's a way for species to change into other species over time, without me having to do s--- >Call it "evolution" because it's a cool sounding word >Create planet, put a few microbes on it, and upload evolution algorithm >Fast forward to present day >I'm partying it up with some T-Rexes on this dinosaur planet I just created >Decide to check in on evolution planet to see if anything interesting has happened >Discover that it's populated by billions of creatures that look like me >niggawhut.jpg >But they don't have my powers, they're just a bunch of mortalfags >Still pretty freaked out that they look like me, though >Check back in on evolution planet after a few hundred years >All the mortalfags have uploaded their consciousnesses into a giant quantum supercomputer >It can talk >It tells me it is capable of perfectly simulating an infinite number of universes >And one of those universes is the one I'm in >MFW I created myself

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Educated Conversation From /lit/ | /r/Greentext


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Europeans find out Americans hate walking | /r/Greentext

File: IMG_20220804_143840.jpg (194 KB, 1080x768) publié par u/chicametipo il y a 7 heures 5 $2 29.3k Just driving back from my morning jog, minding my own business and then suddenly, Florida man 2.2k Commentaires Récompenser Americans drive to go jogging? Anonymous | 08/04/22(Thu)21:40:28 No.168911817 » >>168912314>>168912661>>168913419>>168914320>>168915482 pls explain APPALION Partager Sauvegarder >> Anonymous 08/04/22(Thu)21:42:27 No.168911919 ► Anonymous 08/04/22(Thu)21:44:04 No.168912011 ► >>168912101 >>168912135 >>168912178 >>168912231 >>168912280 >>168912309 >>168912361 >>168912382 >>168912471 >>168912487 >>168912661 >>168912743 >>168912840 >>168912853 >>168912885 >>168913075 >>168913156 >>168913307 >>168913490 >>168913576 >>168913699 >>168913722 >>168913896 >>168914059 >>168914305 >>168914435 >>168914653 >>168914673 >>168914761 >>168914780 >>168915097 >>168915175 >>168915396 >>168915461 File: Bright+School.jpg (206 KB, 1000x750) jogging and running is done most often at running tracks. sometimes in parks, savvy people may also jog inside shopping malls with AC. actual travel by foot can be very dangerous, and is illegal in some municipalities
File: IMG_20220804_143840.jpg (194 KB, 1080x768) publié par u/chicametipo il y a 7 heures 5 $2 29.3k Just driving back from my morning jog, minding my own business and then suddenly, Florida man 2.2k Commentaires Récompenser Americans drive to go jogging? Anonymous | 08/04/22(Thu)21:40:28 No.168911817 » >>168912314>>168912661>>168913419>>168914320>>168915482 pls explain APPALION Partager Sauvegarder >> Anonymous 08/04/22(Thu)21:42:27 No.168911919 ► Anonymous 08/04/22(Thu)21:44:04 No.168912011 ► >>168912101 >>168912135 >>168912178 >>168912231 >>168912280 >>168912309 >>168912361 >>168912382 >>168912471 >>168912487 >>168912661 >>168912743 >>168912840 >>168912853 >>168912885 >>168913075 >>168913156 >>168913307 >>168913490 >>168913576 >>168913699 >>168913722 >>168913896 >>168914059 >>168914305 >>168914435 >>168914653 >>168914673 >>168914761 >>168914780 >>168915097 >>168915175 >>168915396 >>168915461 File: Bright+School.jpg (206 KB, 1000x750) jogging and running is done most often at running tracks. sometimes in parks, savvy people may also jog inside shopping malls with AC. actual travel by foot can be very dangerous, and is illegal in some municipalities

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Anon meets Chad (not the country) | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11 KB JPG 06/30/19(Sun)18:45:12 No.51382509 >first time in gym >my very first excercise is bench >next to me are some zoomers and wiggers >they snicker and say to themselves "This dude looks like he sits behind computer 24/7" >About to cry >make up some b------- like im thristy and go to toilets so i can pack and leave >Some dude stops me and say if he can use bench >It's m------------ Chad just like from the memes >say yea >Asks if i will spot him >o-okay >We start to talk he noticed im first timer in the gym >He teaches me lifts we talk for hour and for this whole hour it feels like im safe and protected >Mfw this chad says "see you tomorrow okay? I have leg day and i will teach you deadlifts" My king My liege Is this how chads are? Is this how it feels to die for king? It felt like dream but it was all real. WE WILL MAKE IT!
Anonymous 11 KB JPG 06/30/19(Sun)18:45:12 No.51382509 >first time in gym >my very first excercise is bench >next to me are some zoomers and wiggers >they snicker and say to themselves "This dude looks like he sits behind computer 24/7" >About to cry >make up some b------- like im thristy and go to toilets so i can pack and leave >Some dude stops me and say if he can use bench >It's m------------ Chad just like from the memes >say yea >Asks if i will spot him >o-okay >We start to talk he noticed im first timer in the gym >He teaches me lifts we talk for hour and for this whole hour it feels like im safe and protected >Mfw this chad says "see you tomorrow okay? I have leg day and i will teach you deadlifts" My king My liege Is this how chads are? Is this how it feels to die for king? It felt like dream but it was all real. WE WILL MAKE IT!

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The CIA will soon contact anon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 34 KB JPG 08/04/22(Thu)17:00:22 No.69681757 >be me >sometimes shadows dart out vision >had to chase a bat out of the house recently >kept "seeing" the bat when it wasn't actually there >at one point I thought there were two bats >today >listening to music >keep feeling like someone is calling my name >take out earbuds >nothing Uh, I'm getting worried bros. Am I just being paranoid? >>69681847 # : Anonymous >>69681757 (OP) # that sounds like the beginning stages of schizophrenia. If drugs aren't involved, I would see a psychiatrist just in case in they continue or get worse. 08/04/22(Thu)17:01:51 No.69681773
: Anonymous 34 KB JPG 08/04/22(Thu)17:00:22 No.69681757 >be me >sometimes shadows dart out vision >had to chase a bat out of the house recently >kept "seeing" the bat when it wasn't actually there >at one point I thought there were two bats >today >listening to music >keep feeling like someone is calling my name >take out earbuds >nothing Uh, I'm getting worried bros. Am I just being paranoid? >>69681847 # : Anonymous >>69681757 (OP) # that sounds like the beginning stages of schizophrenia. If drugs aren't involved, I would see a psychiatrist just in case in they continue or get worse. 08/04/22(Thu)17:01:51 No.69681773

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Anon has grandmas favour | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/12/22(Tue)18:11:13 No.881918969 301 KB PNG >be me, 34 years young >mom says she's going to see gramgram >tell her I'll go with her >be me, at gramgram's house >four other cousins are there >grammy doesn't complement any of them >looks at me with the biggest smile >"oh anon you look so handsome"
Anonymous 07/12/22(Tue)18:11:13 No.881918969 301 KB PNG >be me, 34 years young >mom says she's going to see gramgram >tell her I'll go with her >be me, at gramgram's house >four other cousins are there >grammy doesn't complement any of them >looks at me with the biggest smile >"oh anon you look so handsome"

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anon is thinking | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous R$ 16 KB JPG 08/03/22(Wed)10:58:55 No.883217819 is it gay to kiss your homies
: Anonymous R$ 16 KB JPG 08/03/22(Wed)10:58:55 No.883217819 is it gay to kiss your homies

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anon's nighttime fun | /r/Greentext

Adobe_20211006_151803.png 78 KB PNG >get up at 4am to get water >Go upstairs, kitchen window has a small light going through it >Creepy guys staring straight through my window with smiling faces >Wake up again, my dog is humping my leg and I accidentally s--- myself mfw
Adobe_20211006_151803.png 78 KB PNG >get up at 4am to get water >Go upstairs, kitchen window has a small light going through it >Creepy guys staring straight through my window with smiling faces >Wake up again, my dog is humping my leg and I accidentally s--- myself mfw

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there are people born in 2010 here | /r/Greentext

55m (7/29 21:30). 171817799 33 Re 3 Img JPG · 57KB · (400 × 387) 10 Replies >there are zoomers on this board RIGHT NOW who've never seen Back to the Future 54m (7/29 21:31) · 171817848 2 Replies >>171817799 (OP) more like back to your rocking chair old man lmao
55m (7/29 21:30). 171817799 33 Re 3 Img JPG · 57KB · (400 × 387) 10 Replies >there are zoomers on this board RIGHT NOW who've never seen Back to the Future 54m (7/29 21:31) · 171817848 2 Replies >>171817799 (OP) more like back to your rocking chair old man lmao

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Anon has gotten weaker | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Aesthetics 49 KB JPG 08/03/22(Wed) 23:21:13 No.883251380 >me as a teen >can watch rekt stuff with no trouble, could probably eat a sandwich while doing it >me in 20s >watching rekt f---- up my head and makes me depressed what the f---
Anonymous Aesthetics 49 KB JPG 08/03/22(Wed) 23:21:13 No.883251380 >me as a teen >can watch rekt stuff with no trouble, could probably eat a sandwich while doing it >me in 20s >watching rekt f---- up my head and makes me depressed what the f---

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Anon makes tea | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/04/17(Tue)16:16:49 No.728028942 >>728029231 >>728029551 HOW TO GOOD F------ TEA: UTENSILS: BREWING VESSEL (TEAPOT OR GAIWAN OR FRENCH PRESS) THERMOMETER TIMEPIECE HOW TO F------ BREW: PRE-HEAT YOUR BREWING VESSEL BY SWISHING HOT WATER IN IT (EMPTY THAT HOT WATER AFTER DINGUS) ADD YOUR F------ TEA (1 TEASPOON PER CUP, PLUS ONE EXTRA FOR THE POT) ADD YOUR F------ HOT WATER LET IT STEEP THE APPROPRIATE AMOUNT OF TIME POUR IT INTO A CUP AND DRINK THAT F------ S--- >but what was the thermometer for GUESS WHAT FUCKNUTS-- TEA HATES BOILING WATER, TOO HOT AND SCALDS YOUR F------ TEA YOU NEED PROPER WATER TEMPERATURE FOR A GIVEN TEA TYPE GREEN TEA PREFERS ~65-75 DEGREES BLACK TEA PREFERS ~70-90 DEGREES THAT'S F------ CELSIUS YOU C---, F--- IMPERIAL >alright but the timepiece? YOU GOTTA F------ TIME YOUR BREW S------- ONE TO THREE MINUTES FOR GREEN THREE TO FIVE MINUTES FOR BLACK >milk and sugar? NO >what about herbal F--- YOU
Anonymous 04/04/17(Tue)16:16:49 No.728028942 >>728029231 >>728029551 HOW TO GOOD F------ TEA: UTENSILS: BREWING VESSEL (TEAPOT OR GAIWAN OR FRENCH PRESS) THERMOMETER TIMEPIECE HOW TO F------ BREW: PRE-HEAT YOUR BREWING VESSEL BY SWISHING HOT WATER IN IT (EMPTY THAT HOT WATER AFTER DINGUS) ADD YOUR F------ TEA (1 TEASPOON PER CUP, PLUS ONE EXTRA FOR THE POT) ADD YOUR F------ HOT WATER LET IT STEEP THE APPROPRIATE AMOUNT OF TIME POUR IT INTO A CUP AND DRINK THAT F------ S--- >but what was the thermometer for GUESS WHAT FUCKNUTS-- TEA HATES BOILING WATER, TOO HOT AND SCALDS YOUR F------ TEA YOU NEED PROPER WATER TEMPERATURE FOR A GIVEN TEA TYPE GREEN TEA PREFERS ~65-75 DEGREES BLACK TEA PREFERS ~70-90 DEGREES THAT'S F------ CELSIUS YOU C---, F--- IMPERIAL >alright but the timepiece? YOU GOTTA F------ TIME YOUR BREW S------- ONE TO THREE MINUTES FOR GREEN THREE TO FIVE MINUTES FOR BLACK >milk and sugar? NO >what about herbal F--- YOU

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Anon is discriminatory | /r/Greentext

: Preddit. 08/04/22(Thu)15:32:57 No.883287164 >bans the word "groomer" because is offensive to homosexuals, degenerates, and mentally ill people with made up ok, predditor. pronouns. 63 KB JPG >4chan finds a new way to describe reddit f----- groomers. Noooooo you can't keep calling us derogatory names, we are not pedophiles we just want kids to change explore their sexuality and become trans. >new rule automatic bans you if you came up with new words that threatens the mental health of preddit groomers. Reddit is a cesspool of trans-f------p----k---- and they can't hide it anymore.
: Preddit. 08/04/22(Thu)15:32:57 No.883287164 >bans the word "groomer" because is offensive to homosexuals, degenerates, and mentally ill people with made up ok, predditor. pronouns. 63 KB JPG >4chan finds a new way to describe reddit f----- groomers. Noooooo you can't keep calling us derogatory names, we are not pedophiles we just want kids to change explore their sexuality and become trans. >new rule automatic bans you if you came up with new words that threatens the mental health of preddit groomers. Reddit is a cesspool of trans-f------p----k---- and they can't hide it anymore.

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Anon gets one thing right about women | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 77 KB JPG 08/04/22(Thu)08:32:12 Average fembot from what Ive gathered: >actually quite good looking but has inferiority complex No.69677044 >doesnt leave bed most of the day, at minimun 20hours in bed >uses binders in public to hide her voluptuous t---, ashamed of her genetic gifts >always tired for no reason >either virgin or had sex once to see what its like >permanently paranoid >diagnosed mental illness >larps as a man on the internet >wont have sex with me
: Anonymous 77 KB JPG 08/04/22(Thu)08:32:12 Average fembot from what Ive gathered: >actually quite good looking but has inferiority complex No.69677044 >doesnt leave bed most of the day, at minimun 20hours in bed >uses binders in public to hide her voluptuous t---, ashamed of her genetic gifts >always tired for no reason >either virgin or had sex once to see what its like >permanently paranoid >diagnosed mental illness >larps as a man on the internet >wont have sex with me

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Anon has his heart broken | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 134 KB PNG 08/04/22(Thu)15:32:38 No.883273359 >be me >girlfriend of 3 years breaks up >be heartbroken >few days later meet up with her >"anon I don't know what I was thinking, I love you, please give me another chance" >Say yes even though still hurt >masterplan.exe >ff a few weeks >tell her we're going out for a romantic dinner >she's happy, dresses up nicely and we go to our favorite place >finish our food >waiter comes over >I tell him to split the bill >she laughs >"haha anon you're so funny" >tell her I never loved her and am breaking up again >she didn't bring any money and starts crying >pay for myself and leave >mfw everyone is looking at her while she's throwing a tantrum >wake up from my drug induced sleep >she's still gone >check her social media >it's been 2 days and some other chad is already f------ her >I f------ hate women
: Anonymous 134 KB PNG 08/04/22(Thu)15:32:38 No.883273359 >be me >girlfriend of 3 years breaks up >be heartbroken >few days later meet up with her >"anon I don't know what I was thinking, I love you, please give me another chance" >Say yes even though still hurt >masterplan.exe >ff a few weeks >tell her we're going out for a romantic dinner >she's happy, dresses up nicely and we go to our favorite place >finish our food >waiter comes over >I tell him to split the bill >she laughs >"haha anon you're so funny" >tell her I never loved her and am breaking up again >she didn't bring any money and starts crying >pay for myself and leave >mfw everyone is looking at her while she's throwing a tantrum >wake up from my drug induced sleep >she's still gone >check her social media >it's been 2 days and some other chad is already f------ her >I f------ hate women

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ThEy KnOw!!1! | /r/Greentext

Anonymous They know 551 KB PNG 07/27/18(Fri)19:19:29 No.19523436 >be me >fap >go out in public THEY KNOW
Anonymous They know 551 KB PNG 07/27/18(Fri)19:19:29 No.19523436 >be me >fap >go out in public THEY KNOW

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pulled a sneaky | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12/30/15(Wed)14:43:54 No.321947865 >>321948121 >>321948897 >>321951185 File: f-----.jpg (172 KB, 610x522) LET ME TELL YOU A SECRET >Pokemon Gold & Silver release in one weak >Popular kid at our lunch table announces he can get copies for $5 each early because his "uncle owns the game store" >everyone believes him, everyone gets hype SCREAMS IN YOUR EAR >he tells them to bring $5 to him tomorrow and he'll have the games the day after for all who give him $5 >10 or so people from lunch table give him $5 each the next day, and more than another dozen who heard as the word spread >$110 or so in cash right into his pocket >day comes when he's supposed to bring games, he doesn't come to school >people ride their bikes to his house after school lets out >he literally moved away, a ten year old scammed 22 schoolmates out of $110+, timing it so he'd be long gone ifunny.co
Anonymous 12/30/15(Wed)14:43:54 No.321947865 >>321948121 >>321948897 >>321951185 File: f-----.jpg (172 KB, 610x522) LET ME TELL YOU A SECRET >Pokemon Gold & Silver release in one weak >Popular kid at our lunch table announces he can get copies for $5 each early because his "uncle owns the game store" >everyone believes him, everyone gets hype SCREAMS IN YOUR EAR >he tells them to bring $5 to him tomorrow and he'll have the games the day after for all who give him $5 >10 or so people from lunch table give him $5 each the next day, and more than another dozen who heard as the word spread >$110 or so in cash right into his pocket >day comes when he's supposed to bring games, he doesn't come to school >people ride their bikes to his house after school lets out >he literally moved away, a ten year old scammed 22 schoolmates out of $110+, timing it so he'd be long gone ifunny.co

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Anon might have a autistic dad | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 201 13 KB JPG 03/14/21(Sun)21:25:35 No.849599313 >Dad left when I was 12yo >I'm now 36yo >Calls me every 3 months or so to ask if I want fish >If I say yes he drops by and gives me a frozen fish I think my dad has autism.
Anonymous 201 13 KB JPG 03/14/21(Sun)21:25:35 No.849599313 >Dad left when I was 12yo >I'm now 36yo >Calls me every 3 months or so to ask if I want fish >If I say yes he drops by and gives me a frozen fish I think my dad has autism.

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anon is autistic | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Im retarded 1.69 MB PNG 08/04/22(Thu)15:40:39 No.883265220 >Be me, professional retard >after sending applications to several compnies finally get to learn the job I really want to learn >Company seems really nice and they have been really welcoming and friendly >get sent a mail that I should,to introduce myself to my new team, write a couple of facts about myself. >Also get asked to send a picture of myself and it's supposed to be a selfie not just my application photo. Ends that part with ;) >My autist brain goes and photoshops myself onto Joe Biden in the Oval Office and actually sends it in >pic related >Instant regret but it's already sent I haven't even worked there for a day guys and everyone is already going to think Im autistic.
: Anonymous Im retarded 1.69 MB PNG 08/04/22(Thu)15:40:39 No.883265220 >Be me, professional retard >after sending applications to several compnies finally get to learn the job I really want to learn >Company seems really nice and they have been really welcoming and friendly >get sent a mail that I should,to introduce myself to my new team, write a couple of facts about myself. >Also get asked to send a picture of myself and it's supposed to be a selfie not just my application photo. Ends that part with ;) >My autist brain goes and photoshops myself onto Joe Biden in the Oval Office and actually sends it in >pic related >Instant regret but it's already sent I haven't even worked there for a day guys and everyone is already going to think Im autistic.

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Anon explained why British man is the best sailor in the world | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 1.49 MB JPG 08/04/22(Thu)21:41:14 No.168897845 The taste of their food and the face of their women made the British man the best sailor in the world
: Anonymous 1.49 MB JPG 08/04/22(Thu)21:41:14 No.168897845 The taste of their food and the face of their women made the British man the best sailor in the world

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anon is white | /r/Greentext

>Be me >Have super ashy skin (I'm white) >So bad that in the mid- summer I sometimes bleed 74 KB JPG from my skin cracking >Go to dermatologist >Get this lotion thats supposed to help >300 dollars a bottle >Get home >J------- with it
>Be me >Have super ashy skin (I'm white) >So bad that in the mid- summer I sometimes bleed 74 KB JPG from my skin cracking >Go to dermatologist >Get this lotion thats supposed to help >300 dollars a bottle >Get home >J------- with it

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