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Anon got his priorities straight | /r/Greentext


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Anon Thinks Turkey is Good for Travel | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/08/21(Sun)17:12:54 No.2072840 >cheap as f--- Co >sunny >attractive women >good food >no lockdowns, not hard to get in 50 KB JPG Why the f--- are you not in Turkey right now? 87 Replies / 6 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 08/08/21(Sun)17:12:54 No.2072840 >cheap as f--- Co >sunny >attractive women >good food >no lockdowns, not hard to get in 50 KB JPG Why the f--- are you not in Turkey right now? 87 Replies / 6 Images View Thread

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miles transcends the physical plane | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/14/21(Sat)17:17:18 No.2076401 >>2076276 # >Taliban busts into Miles' hotel >Miles is gone, having ascended to a higher plane of existence >they check around for clues about where he has gone >one of them searches the bathroom, lifts the toilet lid >they find a log larger than a football, impossible for any mere mortal to have passed through his colon >this is all that remains of Miles within our realm of existence
: Anonymous 08/14/21(Sat)17:17:18 No.2076401 >>2076276 # >Taliban busts into Miles' hotel >Miles is gone, having ascended to a higher plane of existence >they check around for clues about where he has gone >one of them searches the bathroom, lifts the toilet lid >they find a log larger than a football, impossible for any mere mortal to have passed through his colon >this is all that remains of Miles within our realm of existence

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Anon explains Joe Rogans guest folk stories | /r/Greentext


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Anon watches a youtube video | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/15/21(Sun)16:28:04 No.861112506 >be me >watching typical meme compilation on YouTube >a wild funny appeared >attempt to slap knee >miss and end up high fiving my testicles >mfw 38 KB JPG
: Anonymous 08/15/21(Sun)16:28:04 No.861112506 >be me >watching typical meme compilation on YouTube >a wild funny appeared >attempt to slap knee >miss and end up high fiving my testicles >mfw 38 KB JPG

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Anon is on the way to NEETdom | /r/Greentext

>be me >britbong >got ADHD symptoms but never fully tested >bored watching TV >ad for disabilities comes up >lady with ADHD comes up 6 KB JPG >w--.jpg >do some research >mfw ADHD is a disability in the UK >mfw when I can leave the NEET life and get free meth from the government I love this country
>be me >britbong >got ADHD symptoms but never fully tested >bored watching TV >ad for disabilities comes up >lady with ADHD comes up 6 KB JPG >w--.jpg >do some research >mfw ADHD is a disability in the UK >mfw when I can leave the NEET life and get free meth from the government I love this country

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Anon spends $10 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/05/18(Thu)08:02:15 No.44422418 >paid a h----- an extra $10 to shout "yamete onii- chan!!-" when i f----- her Best use of that $10 ever 88 KB JPG
: Anonymous 04/05/18(Thu)08:02:15 No.44422418 >paid a h----- an extra $10 to shout "yamete onii- chan!!-" when i f----- her Best use of that $10 ever 88 KB JPG

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Anon meets Michael. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/04/13(Wed)23:37:55 No.504275002 >go to school with large tard population, we import them >for incoming tards, teachers get the inside scoop >friend's mom is teacher, tells him 17 KB JPG to avoid the one named Michael >he wears a helmet at all times, and can only grunt and say his own name, like a Pokemon >one day, strolling through the hall I see the tard parade on their way back to class >we had those old school metal trashcans like they used in the WWF, pic related >out of nowhere Michael raises on above his helmeted head and chirps gleefully "Michael!" >wranglers try to get him to stop >he gets a twinkle in his eye >"Michael!" >he brings the trashcan down like the hammer of God on the head of the disabled kid in the wheelchair, whom we called Hot Wheels >Hot Wheels begins to chimp out in his chair as garbage rains down on the other tards who begin honking and wailing >Michael is restrained by 4 adults, all the while with an oblivious smile on his face
Anonymous 09/04/13(Wed)23:37:55 No.504275002 >go to school with large tard population, we import them >for incoming tards, teachers get the inside scoop >friend's mom is teacher, tells him 17 KB JPG to avoid the one named Michael >he wears a helmet at all times, and can only grunt and say his own name, like a Pokemon >one day, strolling through the hall I see the tard parade on their way back to class >we had those old school metal trashcans like they used in the WWF, pic related >out of nowhere Michael raises on above his helmeted head and chirps gleefully "Michael!" >wranglers try to get him to stop >he gets a twinkle in his eye >"Michael!" >he brings the trashcan down like the hammer of God on the head of the disabled kid in the wheelchair, whom we called Hot Wheels >Hot Wheels begins to chimp out in his chair as garbage rains down on the other tards who begin honking and wailing >Michael is restrained by 4 adults, all the while with an oblivious smile on his face

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Anon tries to save the situation | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/16/21(Mon)06:14:17 No.861136726 >be me >work with children, ages 7-10 >coworkers constantly tell me I do the best job out of everyone >love them, it's a lot of fun >when I talk to them I get down to their level to talk face to face, because they're 6 KB JPG small >one day one of their moms shows up >very short, must have been 5'0" or maybe even less >out of habit I get down to her level >she looks at me weird >l immediately realize and panic >pretend to untie and then tie my shoe again like an autist >her daughter didn't come back the next week or ever again
: Anonymous 08/16/21(Mon)06:14:17 No.861136726 >be me >work with children, ages 7-10 >coworkers constantly tell me I do the best job out of everyone >love them, it's a lot of fun >when I talk to them I get down to their level to talk face to face, because they're 6 KB JPG small >one day one of their moms shows up >very short, must have been 5'0" or maybe even less >out of habit I get down to her level >she looks at me weird >l immediately realize and panic >pretend to untie and then tie my shoe again like an autist >her daughter didn't come back the next week or ever again

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Anon's teacher is a scumbag | /r/Greentext

File: cunteacher.jpg (51 KB, 625x418) EVERYONE HAS THEIR HAND UP BUT YOU? Anonymous 08/16/21(Mon)03:20:24 No.861148362 >>981148459 >be me in middle school 12yo >be in last class of the day with a new teacher >start feeling hungry, dizzy, tired. >take out a dextrose tablet out of my pencil case >right as I put it in my mouth the teacher looks at me >teacher goes "anon you better not be eating in class" >I tell them have type 1 diabetes and I am just taking dextrose >"If you don't spit it out I'm failing you this year" >tell her I have a doctors note if she doesn't believe me >"spit it out" SIA MERI CALLS ON YOU ANYWAY >quickly chew the tablet and swallow it >she looks at me like I just called her slurs >"to the principal's office RIGHT NOW!" >go to principal and explain >he agrees with me and tells me the teacher probably didn't believe me >principal writes note to show to teacher I'm allowed to eat in class >go back to class and give teacher the paper >she just looks at it and motions her head in a "go sit down" way >class ends >"anon, you stay" >assume she wants to maybe apologize or something >"anon you have detention today" >excusemewtf.webp >"nobody eats anything in my class" >remind her again that I'm actually diabetic and that the principal (basically her f------ boss) has allowed me to eat >"no butts or you're staying tomorrow as well" >by this time I'm very angry >try to say something but she interrupts and tells me to sit down or detention for a week >sit down >"give me your candy as well" >tell her it's not candy and that I'm not giving anything to her >she grabs my pencil case and locks it in her desk >"I'm going to the teachers room and you're going to stay here and sit on your seat until I come back!" >bitch actually locks the classroom door >after like 10 minutes start feeling very dizzy again (being angry depletes sugars rapidly) >try to break open her desk >next thing I know is waking up in an ambulance with my mom and a nurse next to me >sugar crashed so hard I went into a coma >teacher got fired next day What was your "incredibly bitchy teacher who almost killed you in school" moment, /bl?
File: cunteacher.jpg (51 KB, 625x418) EVERYONE HAS THEIR HAND UP BUT YOU? Anonymous 08/16/21(Mon)03:20:24 No.861148362 >>981148459 >be me in middle school 12yo >be in last class of the day with a new teacher >start feeling hungry, dizzy, tired. >take out a dextrose tablet out of my pencil case >right as I put it in my mouth the teacher looks at me >teacher goes "anon you better not be eating in class" >I tell them have type 1 diabetes and I am just taking dextrose >"If you don't spit it out I'm failing you this year" >tell her I have a doctors note if she doesn't believe me >"spit it out" SIA MERI CALLS ON YOU ANYWAY >quickly chew the tablet and swallow it >she looks at me like I just called her slurs >"to the principal's office RIGHT NOW!" >go to principal and explain >he agrees with me and tells me the teacher probably didn't believe me >principal writes note to show to teacher I'm allowed to eat in class >go back to class and give teacher the paper >she just looks at it and motions her head in a "go sit down" way >class ends >"anon, you stay" >assume she wants to maybe apologize or something >"anon you have detention today" >excusemewtf.webp >"nobody eats anything in my class" >remind her again that I'm actually diabetic and that the principal (basically her f------ boss) has allowed me to eat >"no butts or you're staying tomorrow as well" >by this time I'm very angry >try to say something but she interrupts and tells me to sit down or detention for a week >sit down >"give me your candy as well" >tell her it's not candy and that I'm not giving anything to her >she grabs my pencil case and locks it in her desk >"I'm going to the teachers room and you're going to stay here and sit on your seat until I come back!" >bitch actually locks the classroom door >after like 10 minutes start feeling very dizzy again (being angry depletes sugars rapidly) >try to break open her desk >next thing I know is waking up in an ambulance with my mom and a nurse next to me >sugar crashed so hard I went into a coma >teacher got fired next day What was your "incredibly bitchy teacher who almost killed you in school" moment, /bl?

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Anon really is lonely | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/26/19(Thu)21:58:59 No.121597357 >Goes to prostitute >"Alright honey what do ya want? $50 to blow $100 for the night. $250 for a---, but ya gotta wear a rubbah" 40 KB JPG >l-I was wondering if you would come see a m- movie with me >"A movie? Like some kinky sex tape or somethin?" >N-no I wanted to know if you can come see Joker with me in theaters >"So you want me to suck ya c--- in the theater?" >N-no.just sit there and watch the movie with me I can still hear her laughing >>121604192 # >>121604678 #
Anonymous 09/26/19(Thu)21:58:59 No.121597357 >Goes to prostitute >"Alright honey what do ya want? $50 to blow $100 for the night. $250 for a---, but ya gotta wear a rubbah" 40 KB JPG >l-I was wondering if you would come see a m- movie with me >"A movie? Like some kinky sex tape or somethin?" >N-no I wanted to know if you can come see Joker with me in theaters >"So you want me to suck ya c--- in the theater?" >N-no.just sit there and watch the movie with me I can still hear her laughing >>121604192 # >>121604678 #

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the amish truly are the smartest. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/15/21(Sun)21:15:43 No.2083123 >driving through Southwen USA >stop at gas station fill-up >people in a huge ass truck at the pump beside me start unloading out of it >all them of Amish >wut >driver comes out and he's just a regular dude >Amish had a designated non-Amish driver
: Anonymous 08/15/21(Sun)21:15:43 No.2083123 >driving through Southwen USA >stop at gas station fill-up >people in a huge ass truck at the pump beside me start unloading out of it >all them of Amish >wut >driver comes out and he's just a regular dude >Amish had a designated non-Amish driver

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Waifu sleep therapy | /r/Greentext


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op receives an act of kindness in japan | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/15/21(Sun)23:32:31 No.2083467 > be in tokyo with family > go out late, and end up getting stuck at random subway station 30 minutes away from where we actually needed to go > random japanese dude walks up to us and asks us in perfect english “are you guys lost? do you guys need any help?" > all of us obviously say yes > walks with us out of the station > end up talking to him and learn more about each other as we walk > he explains that he's lived in japan and another english speaking country (not coming to my head rn) and that he understands the confusion of the japanese subway. > takes us to where the taxis are located, and tells the taxi driver exactly where to go > thank him for his help > see him walk back to the station as we pull away i wonder how he's doing now. i miss him. he literally went out of his way to help us. :(
: Anonymous 08/15/21(Sun)23:32:31 No.2083467 > be in tokyo with family > go out late, and end up getting stuck at random subway station 30 minutes away from where we actually needed to go > random japanese dude walks up to us and asks us in perfect english “are you guys lost? do you guys need any help?" > all of us obviously say yes > walks with us out of the station > end up talking to him and learn more about each other as we walk > he explains that he's lived in japan and another english speaking country (not coming to my head rn) and that he understands the confusion of the japanese subway. > takes us to where the taxis are located, and tells the taxi driver exactly where to go > thank him for his help > see him walk back to the station as we pull away i wonder how he's doing now. i miss him. he literally went out of his way to help us. :(

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Anon gets stuck in Family Guy | /r/Greentext

>read a thread on a ritual that supposedly allows you to lucid dream >attempt it >it actually works >l can lucid dream 56 KB JPG >all I have to do is say something and it happens >if I say "I can fly" I can fly >if I were to say "I used to be President" I immediately flashback to my time in office >other characters appear in my dream >they start having flashbacks of their own >l can't control them >l have to stick to the script until their flashbacks are over >Peter Griffin is a character in my dreams >l have no power over him >every time he has a flashback I'm force to play along >every night I'm trapped in an episode of Family Guy >become terrified of sleeping >eventually my body caves and I fall asleep >every night I'm subjected to a hellscape of pop culture references and poop jokes
>read a thread on a ritual that supposedly allows you to lucid dream >attempt it >it actually works >l can lucid dream 56 KB JPG >all I have to do is say something and it happens >if I say "I can fly" I can fly >if I were to say "I used to be President" I immediately flashback to my time in office >other characters appear in my dream >they start having flashbacks of their own >l can't control them >l have to stick to the script until their flashbacks are over >Peter Griffin is a character in my dreams >l have no power over him >every time he has a flashback I'm force to play along >every night I'm trapped in an episode of Family Guy >become terrified of sleeping >eventually my body caves and I fall asleep >every night I'm subjected to a hellscape of pop culture references and poop jokes

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Anon farts | /r/Greentext


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Anon is a doctor | /r/Greentext

> be me > think i have diabetes > if your piss is sweet you are sick with it > decide to try it > piss in a spoon > try it, no taste, nothing > f---, maybe i have corona instead 4 KB PNG > maybe i can smell it? > smell piss > sniff a little bit of piss into my nose > its really salty > still have no taste of it > but i know i dont have diabetes >
> be me > think i have diabetes > if your piss is sweet you are sick with it > decide to try it > piss in a spoon > try it, no taste, nothing > f---, maybe i have corona instead 4 KB PNG > maybe i can smell it? > smell piss > sniff a little bit of piss into my nose > its really salty > still have no taste of it > but i know i dont have diabetes >

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Anon keeps his job. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/19/18(Mon)12:21:55 No.4398047 ITT: Post your arch-nemesis and why (ays I'll start. >Be me >In college >Work at burger place on campus (will be 560 KB JPG left unnamed for privacy) >Not fancy, but not fast food either >Theres this one tard that walks in pretty much every f------ day without his parents >hes like 10 or something >We'll call him Big Tard (he was, to put it lightly, very chubby) >Smells like he hasn't showered in his lifetime >No idea how he even gets here >Every time he comes, he asks for "poato chip" >We don't have potato chips >Whenever I tell him, he gets visibly upset and stands there a while, then f---- off >Tell my manager >She says not to worry about it, leave the guy alone, hes probably just a kid with a mental disability Fast forward to a week or so after I tell my manager >Big Tard comes in with a bright idea >Asks for "potato chip" as usual >I tell him the same thing, trying my best to stay calm >He shouts at the top of his lungs "WHERE IS MY POTATO CHIP" >hes never shouted like this before >tell him to calm down, i dont have any, tell him that theres a convenience store like 2 blocks away >"MOMMY SAID I CAN HAVE POTATO CHIP" >Throws an absolute f------ tantrum >People sitting down look at me like I've done something horrible >He eventually gets tired and leaves after like 10 minutes of tantruming >One customer goes up to me >"You can't treat that kid like that" >Explain >He asks for my manager >Manager gets p----- (she's kinda uptight) >She gives me an official warning >p----- the next day >Big Tard comes in >ohno.png >He does the same f------ thing as the previous day >Manager sees >She gets p----- AGAIN >noneofthisismyfault.jpg >She f------ WRITES ME UP >That night, I begin to plan revenge on my bitch of a boss, but mostly on Big Tard >Want to get them both in one blow >idea.mp4 >Run to store >Buy bag of potato chips The next day >Thursday >l have closing duty on Thursdays (will be important later) >big Tard walks in >Demands potato chip >Tell him that I can order some for him to be shipped in, but l'l need his mommy's phone number >He doesn't even f------ question it >An hour later, he shows up with a sticky note with a phone number on it >Note absolutely reeks, don't want to touch it, but the revenge will be worth it >Tell him to come tomorrow at 8 AM sharp (when the store opens) >Say that there will be potato chips right behind the counter no matter what >He's a little annoyed about waiting, but he f---- off for the day A few hours later >Everyone else leaves >Before closing >Tape potato chips under countertop The next day >Call in sick to work >Manager always is the one who covers the counter when I'm gone >Grab phone >Ask friend to drive me to restaurant >He agrees >Tell him to park across the street and stay for a while >He's a bit confused, but he listens >Big Tard waiting outside before store opens, desperate to get in >Pull out phone, open camera >Zoom in on Big Tard (brand new phone, so I can zoom in pretty far with decent video quality) >Start recording > Store opens >Manager hasn't noticed potato chips taped to counter >Big Tard walks in >Demands "potato chip" >Manager says the usual >He tells her about the order I supposedly placed >She has no clue >He gets f------ p----- >She says she has no clue what hes talking about >He climbs over the f------ counter >She tries to stop him >He f------ PUNCHES HER with all of his tard strength >He sees the chips I planted and immediately rips them out from the tape >Screams louder than ever before right into manager's ear "LIAR! LIAR! STEALING MY POTATO CHIP!" >She tries to restrain him >He kicks her shin and steps on her foot >Runs out the door >I have it all on video >Send to his mom The next day >Manager p----- at me but worth it >Big Tard walks in with mom >She apologizes for everything he's done >Big Tard never shows up again >Victory >>43981146 # >>43981764 # >>43982074 #
: Anonymous 03/19/18(Mon)12:21:55 No.4398047 ITT: Post your arch-nemesis and why (ays I'll start. >Be me >In college >Work at burger place on campus (will be 560 KB JPG left unnamed for privacy) >Not fancy, but not fast food either >Theres this one tard that walks in pretty much every f------ day without his parents >hes like 10 or something >We'll call him Big Tard (he was, to put it lightly, very chubby) >Smells like he hasn't showered in his lifetime >No idea how he even gets here >Every time he comes, he asks for "poato chip" >We don't have potato chips >Whenever I tell him, he gets visibly upset and stands there a while, then f---- off >Tell my manager >She says not to worry about it, leave the guy alone, hes probably just a kid with a mental disability Fast forward to a week or so after I tell my manager >Big Tard comes in with a bright idea >Asks for "potato chip" as usual >I tell him the same thing, trying my best to stay calm >He shouts at the top of his lungs "WHERE IS MY POTATO CHIP" >hes never shouted like this before >tell him to calm down, i dont have any, tell him that theres a convenience store like 2 blocks away >"MOMMY SAID I CAN HAVE POTATO CHIP" >Throws an absolute f------ tantrum >People sitting down look at me like I've done something horrible >He eventually gets tired and leaves after like 10 minutes of tantruming >One customer goes up to me >"You can't treat that kid like that" >Explain >He asks for my manager >Manager gets p----- (she's kinda uptight) >She gives me an official warning >p----- the next day >Big Tard comes in >ohno.png >He does the same f------ thing as the previous day >Manager sees >She gets p----- AGAIN >noneofthisismyfault.jpg >She f------ WRITES ME UP >That night, I begin to plan revenge on my bitch of a boss, but mostly on Big Tard >Want to get them both in one blow >idea.mp4 >Run to store >Buy bag of potato chips The next day >Thursday >l have closing duty on Thursdays (will be important later) >big Tard walks in >Demands potato chip >Tell him that I can order some for him to be shipped in, but l'l need his mommy's phone number >He doesn't even f------ question it >An hour later, he shows up with a sticky note with a phone number on it >Note absolutely reeks, don't want to touch it, but the revenge will be worth it >Tell him to come tomorrow at 8 AM sharp (when the store opens) >Say that there will be potato chips right behind the counter no matter what >He's a little annoyed about waiting, but he f---- off for the day A few hours later >Everyone else leaves >Before closing >Tape potato chips under countertop The next day >Call in sick to work >Manager always is the one who covers the counter when I'm gone >Grab phone >Ask friend to drive me to restaurant >He agrees >Tell him to park across the street and stay for a while >He's a bit confused, but he listens >Big Tard waiting outside before store opens, desperate to get in >Pull out phone, open camera >Zoom in on Big Tard (brand new phone, so I can zoom in pretty far with decent video quality) >Start recording > Store opens >Manager hasn't noticed potato chips taped to counter >Big Tard walks in >Demands "potato chip" >Manager says the usual >He tells her about the order I supposedly placed >She has no clue >He gets f------ p----- >She says she has no clue what hes talking about >He climbs over the f------ counter >She tries to stop him >He f------ PUNCHES HER with all of his tard strength >He sees the chips I planted and immediately rips them out from the tape >Screams louder than ever before right into manager's ear "LIAR! LIAR! STEALING MY POTATO CHIP!" >She tries to restrain him >He kicks her shin and steps on her foot >Runs out the door >I have it all on video >Send to his mom The next day >Manager p----- at me but worth it >Big Tard walks in with mom >She apologizes for everything he's done >Big Tard never shows up again >Victory >>43981146 # >>43981764 # >>43982074 #

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Poor anon... | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/15/21(Sun)03:43:20 No.861077570 >Be me > 12yo >Normal day at school >gym locker room >changing to gym clothing >hear yelling at the other lockers while changing 54 KB JPG >Dude has an empty plastic water bottle >crowd near him >all of them watch him whip out his dong and piss inside the bottle >piss was cloudy as hell >mfw he started drinking it >finishes it and start the period normally I just wanted to exercise
: Anonymous 08/15/21(Sun)03:43:20 No.861077570 >Be me > 12yo >Normal day at school >gym locker room >changing to gym clothing >hear yelling at the other lockers while changing 54 KB JPG >Dude has an empty plastic water bottle >crowd near him >all of them watch him whip out his dong and piss inside the bottle >piss was cloudy as hell >mfw he started drinking it >finishes it and start the period normally I just wanted to exercise

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anon cant comprehend twitter | /r/Greentext


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