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Anon's mother is cool | /r/Greentext

File: 1468292500610.png (491 KB, 625x625) O Anonymous 08/07/21(Sat)21:11:31 No.64880125 >gonna kill myself on my birthday >mom sends stupid hallmark birthday card >makes me chuckle maybe next year
File: 1468292500610.png (491 KB, 625x625) O Anonymous 08/07/21(Sat)21:11:31 No.64880125 >gonna kill myself on my birthday >mom sends stupid hallmark birthday card >makes me chuckle maybe next year

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Anon hates reddit 2:electric boogaloo | /r/Greentext


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Anon Jumps | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous My skydive experience 08/14/21(Sat)04:40:20 No.64971343 Today I went skydiving for the first time. >Be me >Today >Parents gifted me a Tandem skydive >go to the place >have to wait because early 367 KB JPG >scared >get dressed for the skydive >get instructions >go in plane >fly up to a height of 4000 m >Be f------ scared to death in plane >time to jump >sit on the opening >Look down >think I'm gonna die >instructor jumps out with me >holyfuckingshit.mp4 >feels amazing >adrenaline >concentrate on breathing because that is hard while falling >instructor opens parachute after 35 seconds, the whole freefall felt like 5 seconds though >take of cap and protection goggles after he said it is ok >feel the wind but slower >instructor asks if I liked it >f------ YES >tells me to pull one steering of the parachute far down for a few seconds >Spin around with parachute, feels amazing, adrenaline >land Skydiving is f------ scary but also f------ amazing, loved it. Can only recommend.
: Anonymous My skydive experience 08/14/21(Sat)04:40:20 No.64971343 Today I went skydiving for the first time. >Be me >Today >Parents gifted me a Tandem skydive >go to the place >have to wait because early 367 KB JPG >scared >get dressed for the skydive >get instructions >go in plane >fly up to a height of 4000 m >Be f------ scared to death in plane >time to jump >sit on the opening >Look down >think I'm gonna die >instructor jumps out with me >holyfuckingshit.mp4 >feels amazing >adrenaline >concentrate on breathing because that is hard while falling >instructor opens parachute after 35 seconds, the whole freefall felt like 5 seconds though >take of cap and protection goggles after he said it is ok >feel the wind but slower >instructor asks if I liked it >f------ YES >tells me to pull one steering of the parachute far down for a few seconds >Spin around with parachute, feels amazing, adrenaline >land Skydiving is f------ scary but also f------ amazing, loved it. Can only recommend.

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Anon is a Fart Connoisseur | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/29/21(Tue)12:14:42 No.857907810 >be me >the Fart Connoisseur >once tricked a lactose intolerant girl I was with into eating a 'dairy free' carbonara I made >f------ KEK >kept assuring her that it was fine to eat THE PR FART OF 23 KB JPG but I know she was onto me >ffw an hour and I can audibly hear her guts churning as the dairy reks her insides >can feel her anger towards me but I don't give a f--- >just want those farts >she excuses herself to the bathroom and I creep up to the door quietly >hear her immediately let one loose as she sits down to urinate >now I'm furious as I'm missing out on the good stuff >she comes out and we sit to watch a movie >grab a blanket and throw it over us >fartcocoon.flatulence >not long into the movie I hear the down under thunder >I say just let it out babe we're under the blanket >a few minutes go by and she shifts in her seat and cuts an impressive stink salute >I give it a few seconds then rip the blanket up and stick my head under >once the fragrance of poorly digested dairy and carbonara permeates my nostrils I can't control myself >it's like a potpourri of a--- Armageddon >l huff and sniff and get myself high on the fumes of her a------ >she's clearly shocked by my behaviour but I'm too addicted to care >explain to her that I f------ love farts >she gets a bit grossed out but l've perfected the art of smooth talking farts out of women >she relents and starts passing gas >l'm almost cooming because the stink is so good >she's very obviously weirded out but l'm a fiend on this stench >l eventually whip my c--- out and ask her to suck it >she leans over and gets down to business >she's sucking it hard and let's out another butthole banger and that's all it takes >l begin busting mega loads in her mouth after about a minute and a half >she swallows it and gets up >5 minutes later she says she needs to go home and leaves me with my d--- still out absolutely euphoric >such is the life of the FART CONNOISSEUR
Anonymous 06/29/21(Tue)12:14:42 No.857907810 >be me >the Fart Connoisseur >once tricked a lactose intolerant girl I was with into eating a 'dairy free' carbonara I made >f------ KEK >kept assuring her that it was fine to eat THE PR FART OF 23 KB JPG but I know she was onto me >ffw an hour and I can audibly hear her guts churning as the dairy reks her insides >can feel her anger towards me but I don't give a f--- >just want those farts >she excuses herself to the bathroom and I creep up to the door quietly >hear her immediately let one loose as she sits down to urinate >now I'm furious as I'm missing out on the good stuff >she comes out and we sit to watch a movie >grab a blanket and throw it over us >fartcocoon.flatulence >not long into the movie I hear the down under thunder >I say just let it out babe we're under the blanket >a few minutes go by and she shifts in her seat and cuts an impressive stink salute >I give it a few seconds then rip the blanket up and stick my head under >once the fragrance of poorly digested dairy and carbonara permeates my nostrils I can't control myself >it's like a potpourri of a--- Armageddon >l huff and sniff and get myself high on the fumes of her a------ >she's clearly shocked by my behaviour but I'm too addicted to care >explain to her that I f------ love farts >she gets a bit grossed out but l've perfected the art of smooth talking farts out of women >she relents and starts passing gas >l'm almost cooming because the stink is so good >she's very obviously weirded out but l'm a fiend on this stench >l eventually whip my c--- out and ask her to suck it >she leans over and gets down to business >she's sucking it hard and let's out another butthole banger and that's all it takes >l begin busting mega loads in her mouth after about a minute and a half >she swallows it and gets up >5 minutes later she says she needs to go home and leaves me with my d--- still out absolutely euphoric >such is the life of the FART CONNOISSEUR

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anon is a father | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/06/21(Fri)02:14:47 No.566325327 >be 27 >virgin >girl I went to uni with a few years ago calls me >"hey anon i'm really sorry to do this but I had a baby and I think it's yours" >uh bitch that's f------ 506 KB PNG impossible we never had sex >"what the f--- are you talking about are you serious" >start arguing >get a DNA test just to shut her the f--- up >it's positive what the f--- am I losing my f------ mind
: Anonymous 08/06/21(Fri)02:14:47 No.566325327 >be 27 >virgin >girl I went to uni with a few years ago calls me >"hey anon i'm really sorry to do this but I had a baby and I think it's yours" >uh bitch that's f------ 506 KB PNG impossible we never had sex >"what the f--- are you talking about are you serious" >start arguing >get a DNA test just to shut her the f--- up >it's positive what the f--- am I losing my f------ mind

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Tear down the wall | /r/Greentext

File: txw4ldr7u9271.jpg (37 KB, 575x633) Anonymous 08/13/21(Fri)17:31:58 No.64963456 [Reply] >>64963825 >>64964358 >>64964377 >be me >britfag >moved back home due to pandemic >have been practicing the ancient art of autofellation for approximately ten years now >really helps you connect with your inner self and central chakra etc >used to try on the toilet, struggled for a while >one day manage to gently touch my d--- lips with my nose, sort of gently nuzzle it for a bit >smells amazing >befriend older gay man >he tells me his technique, lying on bed with arse on the wall and legs up the wall (90 degrees) >try this, instantly my gains improve >within months can fit entire bellend in mouth >after two years can basically d--------- myself >anyway, now do this about 2-3 times a week depending on my mood >usually for stress relief >doing my usual ritual in childhood bedroom (quick a--- finger until first orgasm, a bit of light sounding then autofellatio to finish) >Dad walks in just as i place my lips on my tip >don't see him but hear him gasp >freeze >he watches for about five seconds then leaves in silence This just happened about ten minutes ago. Should I leave my house and change my name? I could probably jump out my window and run to a friend's place two roads away.
File: txw4ldr7u9271.jpg (37 KB, 575x633) Anonymous 08/13/21(Fri)17:31:58 No.64963456 [Reply] >>64963825 >>64964358 >>64964377 >be me >britfag >moved back home due to pandemic >have been practicing the ancient art of autofellation for approximately ten years now >really helps you connect with your inner self and central chakra etc >used to try on the toilet, struggled for a while >one day manage to gently touch my d--- lips with my nose, sort of gently nuzzle it for a bit >smells amazing >befriend older gay man >he tells me his technique, lying on bed with arse on the wall and legs up the wall (90 degrees) >try this, instantly my gains improve >within months can fit entire bellend in mouth >after two years can basically d--------- myself >anyway, now do this about 2-3 times a week depending on my mood >usually for stress relief >doing my usual ritual in childhood bedroom (quick a--- finger until first orgasm, a bit of light sounding then autofellatio to finish) >Dad walks in just as i place my lips on my tip >don't see him but hear him gasp >freeze >he watches for about five seconds then leaves in silence This just happened about ten minutes ago. Should I leave my house and change my name? I could probably jump out my window and run to a friend's place two roads away.

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Weak stomach | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/13/21(Fri)17:33:53 No.64963477 >extremely desperate for a b------ >download grindr >get some messages >dudes wearing lipstick >asking if I want to f--- them >start feeling queasy >delete app 10 KB JPG
: Anonymous 08/13/21(Fri)17:33:53 No.64963477 >extremely desperate for a b------ >download grindr >get some messages >dudes wearing lipstick >asking if I want to f--- them >start feeling queasy >delete app 10 KB JPG

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Anon finally blossoms. | /r/Greentext

File: helianthus-yellow-flower-(.).png (332 KB, 440x450) O Anonymous 08/14/21(Sat)09:18:44 No.64972664 >be me >get picked on a lot last year > Dude in my neighborhood always gives me s---, claims it will make me stronger >spend winter in quarantine mode, working out and bettering myself. >people legit thought I was dead ff a few months > solid aesthetics, huge boost in confidence and sex drive >weather is getting warmer, girls wearing less and looking to f--- >post up outside to get some sun and show off my gains. >catch the eye of delivery girl in my neighborhood >big booty, a a little chubby but really qt. >Not exactly breeding material but she starts sucking me off right there on the street. >right as i'm about to bust, notice beta neighborfag approaching > probably wants to f--- with me again. >Decide to teach him a lesson about minding his own business >As soon as he gets close, c-- all over delivery girl's face and ass as messily as possible >JacksonPollock.jpg >Some of my superior seed flies into neighbor's eyes and nose >he immediately begins coughing and gagging, f---- off muttering under his breath. >see him again like half hour later rubbing his eyes and nose, but he keeps his distance >meanwhile, qt delivery girl is loving every drop of my sweet man nectar. >She flies off to share it with the rest of her hive. It's gonna be a good year bros.
File: helianthus-yellow-flower-(.).png (332 KB, 440x450) O Anonymous 08/14/21(Sat)09:18:44 No.64972664 >be me >get picked on a lot last year > Dude in my neighborhood always gives me s---, claims it will make me stronger >spend winter in quarantine mode, working out and bettering myself. >people legit thought I was dead ff a few months > solid aesthetics, huge boost in confidence and sex drive >weather is getting warmer, girls wearing less and looking to f--- >post up outside to get some sun and show off my gains. >catch the eye of delivery girl in my neighborhood >big booty, a a little chubby but really qt. >Not exactly breeding material but she starts sucking me off right there on the street. >right as i'm about to bust, notice beta neighborfag approaching > probably wants to f--- with me again. >Decide to teach him a lesson about minding his own business >As soon as he gets close, c-- all over delivery girl's face and ass as messily as possible >JacksonPollock.jpg >Some of my superior seed flies into neighbor's eyes and nose >he immediately begins coughing and gagging, f---- off muttering under his breath. >see him again like half hour later rubbing his eyes and nose, but he keeps his distance >meanwhile, qt delivery girl is loving every drop of my sweet man nectar. >She flies off to share it with the rest of her hive. It's gonna be a good year bros.

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Anon’s Princess Wasn’t in Another Castle | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/13/21(Fri)06:35:05 No.64957798 >tfw I'm never going to win her back >tfw l'll never get that hollywood ending I always fantasize about I want a refund, this f------ sucks. 9 KB JPG
: Anonymous 08/13/21(Fri)06:35:05 No.64957798 >tfw I'm never going to win her back >tfw l'll never get that hollywood ending I always fantasize about I want a refund, this f------ sucks. 9 KB JPG

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I love y'all bros dee | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 0 minutes ago 788127462 : >go to 9gag >everyone there is retarded >go to ifunny >everyone there is retarded >go to tumblr >everyone there is retarded >return to 4chan and reddit >home
Anonymous 0 minutes ago 788127462 : >go to 9gag >everyone there is retarded >go to ifunny >everyone there is retarded >go to tumblr >everyone there is retarded >return to 4chan and reddit >home

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Anon becomes the dad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/24/21(Sat)15:37:05 No.2064432 >Manila, solo, white traveler aged 27 >f--- barely legal Filipina and relentlessly cream pie her to kingdom come over two weeks >receive text notification 215 KB JPG >open msg, “I'm pregnant" >throw phone in the ocean and head to Cambodia the same day Shutter to think how many kids I have in asia to be 100% honest with you lads >>2064440 # >>2064639 # >>2064676 # >>2064682 # >>2072945 # >>2073512 # : Anonymous 07/24/21(Sat)15:51:25 No.2064440 >>2064432 # How do you do this without child support. Burner phones? >>2064639 # Anonymous 07/25/21(Sun)01:34:44 No.2064639 >>2064432 # >2064440 # Not him but I don't see why the phone would be an issue at all. Just use a fake number (cheap SIM card, google voice number, etc). You shouldn't even have to ditch the phone. The tricky part would be if she tracks you through a hotel or airbnb where you used your credit card
: Anonymous 07/24/21(Sat)15:37:05 No.2064432 >Manila, solo, white traveler aged 27 >f--- barely legal Filipina and relentlessly cream pie her to kingdom come over two weeks >receive text notification 215 KB JPG >open msg, “I'm pregnant" >throw phone in the ocean and head to Cambodia the same day Shutter to think how many kids I have in asia to be 100% honest with you lads >>2064440 # >>2064639 # >>2064676 # >>2064682 # >>2072945 # >>2073512 # : Anonymous 07/24/21(Sat)15:51:25 No.2064440 >>2064432 # How do you do this without child support. Burner phones? >>2064639 # Anonymous 07/25/21(Sun)01:34:44 No.2064639 >>2064432 # >2064440 # Not him but I don't see why the phone would be an issue at all. Just use a fake number (cheap SIM card, google voice number, etc). You shouldn't even have to ditch the phone. The tricky part would be if she tracks you through a hotel or airbnb where you used your credit card

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Chadanon eats at Buffalo Wild Wings | /r/Greentext

File: gigachad2.png (145 KB, 680x760) O Anonymous 08/14/21(Sat)05:13:34 No.16549984 >be me >at Buffalo Wild Wings >order plate of traditional bone-in wings >food arrives >start biting meat off bone >spit it out and eat bone instead
File: gigachad2.png (145 KB, 680x760) O Anonymous 08/14/21(Sat)05:13:34 No.16549984 >be me >at Buffalo Wild Wings >order plate of traditional bone-in wings >food arrives >start biting meat off bone >spit it out and eat bone instead

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Anon overcomes his porn addiction | /r/Greentext

- File: 1572965623943.jpg (312 KB, 993x558) (((p----------))) Anonymous (ID: woSallPY 08/14/21(Sat)12:27:17 No.334183109 [Reply] ► > be me, 27 > try noporn several times > fail every time after 3-21 days because it makes me feel like absolute s--- (anxiety, depression, limp d---, fatigue) > "nopornisajudenmeme".bmp > fail to realize it is just withdrawal symptoms caused by years of bathing my brain in dopamine >try again and decide to push through this time CLICK > fail > try again > fail again > letsdothis.sat > 1 month passes > withdrawal symptoms getting better > 2 months in > social anxiety and depression GONE > better posture > better breath > yes better breath, read that again > look people in the eyes while i talk with them > able to study longer and more efficiently > more confidence > able to lift more > desire to read increases > laugh about things that i usually don't find funny, more humorous in general > rock hard erections > girls start noticing me > etc. etc. p--- is killing you anons, anyone who disagrees is a shill and/or a jude. Give Noporn a try.
- File: 1572965623943.jpg (312 KB, 993x558) (((p----------))) Anonymous (ID: woSallPY 08/14/21(Sat)12:27:17 No.334183109 [Reply] ► > be me, 27 > try noporn several times > fail every time after 3-21 days because it makes me feel like absolute s--- (anxiety, depression, limp d---, fatigue) > "nopornisajudenmeme".bmp > fail to realize it is just withdrawal symptoms caused by years of bathing my brain in dopamine >try again and decide to push through this time CLICK > fail > try again > fail again > letsdothis.sat > 1 month passes > withdrawal symptoms getting better > 2 months in > social anxiety and depression GONE > better posture > better breath > yes better breath, read that again > look people in the eyes while i talk with them > able to study longer and more efficiently > more confidence > able to lift more > desire to read increases > laugh about things that i usually don't find funny, more humorous in general > rock hard erections > girls start noticing me > etc. etc. p--- is killing you anons, anyone who disagrees is a shill and/or a jude. Give Noporn a try.

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Anon pees green | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/13/21(Fri)17:21:39 No.860974069 >be me >literally a minute ago >peeing >my pee was light greenish color >looked like mtn dew in the toilet 153 KB PNG what do i do im worried please help
: Anonymous 08/13/21(Fri)17:21:39 No.860974069 >be me >literally a minute ago >peeing >my pee was light greenish color >looked like mtn dew in the toilet 153 KB PNG what do i do im worried please help

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Anon's first impression | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/13/21(Fri)23:45:55 No.860996922 >>860996967 >Be me >Be 14, the year is 2012 >First day of 8th grade >Wake up 30 minutes late >No time to use bathroom >Sprint to bus >Sit down in class, anxious for obvious reasons >Pressure in belly sets in >Let out a few silent farts, nobody notices >3rd period comes around >Oh s---, the cute ginger girl is only two seats away >Hope you can get on good terms with her >Keep trying to focus, the pressure is killing you >Lift up your cheek to squeeze out a fart or two >A whole bubble of diarrhea pops, coating your cheeks in swampy molasses >She's the first one to notice the smell >Go the rest of the day with sludgebutt
Anonymous 08/13/21(Fri)23:45:55 No.860996922 >>860996967 >Be me >Be 14, the year is 2012 >First day of 8th grade >Wake up 30 minutes late >No time to use bathroom >Sprint to bus >Sit down in class, anxious for obvious reasons >Pressure in belly sets in >Let out a few silent farts, nobody notices >3rd period comes around >Oh s---, the cute ginger girl is only two seats away >Hope you can get on good terms with her >Keep trying to focus, the pressure is killing you >Lift up your cheek to squeeze out a fart or two >A whole bubble of diarrhea pops, coating your cheeks in swampy molasses >She's the first one to notice the smell >Go the rest of the day with sludgebutt

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Anon eats chicken wings | /r/Greentext

File: enlarged.png (7 KB, 204x248) Anonymous 08/13/21(Fri)22:09:37 No.64967113 >at a restaurant >breaking chicken wings in half and eating them >seemingly done with the wings >i guess i split a wing in half and forgot about one piece >find the wing, excited >without even thinking, audibly yell "WELL STICK A DIDGERIDOO UP MY ASS, THAT'S AN EXTRA WING" >the entire place goes silent >pay and run to the car
File: enlarged.png (7 KB, 204x248) Anonymous 08/13/21(Fri)22:09:37 No.64967113 >at a restaurant >breaking chicken wings in half and eating them >seemingly done with the wings >i guess i split a wing in half and forgot about one piece >find the wing, excited >without even thinking, audibly yell "WELL STICK A DIDGERIDOO UP MY ASS, THAT'S AN EXTRA WING" >the entire place goes silent >pay and run to the car

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anon likes women | /r/Greentext

File: 16240034-43B8-4F3D-985A-C(...).jpg (388 KB, 2048x2048) Anonymous 08/12/21(Thu)21:13:08 No.24730542 >>24730560 >>24730699 >>24730705 >>24730706 >>24730716 >>24730720 >>24730725 >>24730817>>24730833 >>24730847 >>24730865 >>24731563 >got fired today >crashed a literal billionaire's personal vehicle while working >part of union, they even tell me it's hopeless since I'm in Texas where I can be fired for any reason >go back to my bug-infested, tap-water-deprived, gaping-hole-into-the-next-rental-property's-meth-lab rented trailer that I live out of >grab cigarettes, go outside to smoke >in front of abused woman's shelter >whiny liberal comes out to confront me "Excuse me sir, you can't smoke out here!" "Why not? I'm not on your property." "Well, that's true but the smell of cigarettes reminds many women here of their past abusers." "Well, looks like I have two things in common with those guys." >horrified look on her face, she goes back inside >haven't been laid in three years, never hurt a woman >sometimes, it's the small victories that count Pic related, me trying to make the basedjack meme in front of the car I dinged
File: 16240034-43B8-4F3D-985A-C(...).jpg (388 KB, 2048x2048) Anonymous 08/12/21(Thu)21:13:08 No.24730542 >>24730560 >>24730699 >>24730705 >>24730706 >>24730716 >>24730720 >>24730725 >>24730817>>24730833 >>24730847 >>24730865 >>24731563 >got fired today >crashed a literal billionaire's personal vehicle while working >part of union, they even tell me it's hopeless since I'm in Texas where I can be fired for any reason >go back to my bug-infested, tap-water-deprived, gaping-hole-into-the-next-rental-property's-meth-lab rented trailer that I live out of >grab cigarettes, go outside to smoke >in front of abused woman's shelter >whiny liberal comes out to confront me "Excuse me sir, you can't smoke out here!" "Why not? I'm not on your property." "Well, that's true but the smell of cigarettes reminds many women here of their past abusers." "Well, looks like I have two things in common with those guys." >horrified look on her face, she goes back inside >haven't been laid in three years, never hurt a woman >sometimes, it's the small victories that count Pic related, me trying to make the basedjack meme in front of the car I dinged

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anon is a smart investor | /r/Greentext


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Bad days happen | /r/Greentext


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What in the Alabama is this? | /r/Greentext


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