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Anon's dog hates him | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/10/19(Wed)23:49:12 No.51880974 >lay down next to doggy >pet doggy >doggy gets uncomfortable, walks away, and lays down somewhere else 34 KB PNG

: Anonymous 04/10/19(Wed)23:49:12 No.51880974 >lay down next to doggy >pet doggy >doggy gets uncomfortable, walks away, and lays down somewhere else 34 KB PNG

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Anon is done with the world | /r/Greentext

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Anon Got Faked Out | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/13/18(Sat)17:52:22 No.42473733 Why didn't you confess your love to your crush during the missile alert? Saturday. January 13 Emergeny Aet BALLSTIC ME TEAT OUND TO HANE SECK MMEDIATE SHLTER THIS NOT A DRL What did you have to lose? 71 KB JPG : Anonymous 01/13/18(Sat)18:02:53 No.42473933 >>42473733 (OP) # >did this >she actually said yes >feel amazing >feel even more amazing once I find out that the alert wasn't 15 KB JPG actually real and I'll get to keep living, with her by my side >she texts back shortly after, saying that she doesn't actually like me and only said yes because she thought we were about to die and she wanted me to be happy in my final moments F--- this s---. I wish I was nuked.

: Anonymous 01/13/18(Sat)17:52:22 No.42473733 Why didn't you confess your love to your crush during the missile alert? Saturday. January 13 Emergeny Aet BALLSTIC ME TEAT OUND TO HANE SECK MMEDIATE SHLTER THIS NOT A DRL What did you have to lose? 71 KB JPG : Anonymous 01/13/18(Sat)18:02:53 No.42473933 >>42473733 (OP) # >did this >she actually said yes >feel amazing >feel even more amazing once I find out that the alert wasn't 15 KB JPG actually real and I'll get to keep living, with her by my side >she texts back shortly after, saying that she doesn't actually like me and only said yes because she thought we were about to die and she wanted me to be happy in my final moments F--- this s---. I wish I was nuked.

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Finish Her Anon! | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/08/15(Sun)16:01:22 No.597173468 >be me >be in college >sharing flat with a mate >pretty cool guy, just as averse to cleaning the kitchen as I am >therefore, good chemistry, nobody complains >College is in a small town >only two bars in the entire place >anyway, get lucky one night >haul a wasted 7/10 home from the pub >shes quirky, but fun >sex goes on for almost half an hour >feelsgreatman.avi >about to blow my load in her >yells, at the top of my lungs: MORTAAAL KОМВАAAAT! >Hear bro yelling from the other side of the wall FINISH HÉR! >blow load as she laughed like a lunatic. Ended up dating her for a year before she split. Still miss her. Replies: >>597173829>>597174017

Anonymous 02/08/15(Sun)16:01:22 No.597173468 >be me >be in college >sharing flat with a mate >pretty cool guy, just as averse to cleaning the kitchen as I am >therefore, good chemistry, nobody complains >College is in a small town >only two bars in the entire place >anyway, get lucky one night >haul a wasted 7/10 home from the pub >shes quirky, but fun >sex goes on for almost half an hour >feelsgreatman.avi >about to blow my load in her >yells, at the top of my lungs: MORTAAAL KОМВАAAAT! >Hear bro yelling from the other side of the wall FINISH HÉR! >blow load as she laughed like a lunatic. Ended up dating her for a year before she split. Still miss her. Replies: >>597173829>>597174017

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Anon has a point | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Igenderequality/ 09/17/18(Mon)05:58:34 No.48178550 >be me >suck a d--- >gets called a f----- >girl sucks multiple d---- >not a f----- >mfw 72 KB JPG View Thread

: Anonymous Igenderequality/ 09/17/18(Mon)05:58:34 No.48178550 >be me >suck a d--- >gets called a f----- >girl sucks multiple d---- >not a f----- >mfw 72 KB JPG View Thread

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Anon is a Puppet Master | /r/Greentext

>download Sims 4 >play it for an hour >total boredom >download the sex mod and a hundred animations with enhanced nipple and bush overhaul >start a family >dad with hot milf wife >son is your average shy pretty boy f------ >step-daughter is a naughty petite spinner >son hooks up with his step-sister >but also scores his step-mom >while the dad starts f------ his step- daughter >son knocks up step-mom >dad knocks up step-daughter >son and dad cucked each other >raise each other kids this game is fun

>download Sims 4 >play it for an hour >total boredom >download the sex mod and a hundred animations with enhanced nipple and bush overhaul >start a family >dad with hot milf wife >son is your average shy pretty boy f------ >step-daughter is a naughty petite spinner >son hooks up with his step-sister >but also scores his step-mom >while the dad starts f------ his step- daughter >son knocks up step-mom >dad knocks up step-daughter >son and dad cucked each other >raise each other kids this game is fun

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Anon is Not Discreet | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/17/18(Mon)21:30:51 No.49912213 >me >Be 14 > Have gf over on weekend >Every weekend we have sex all day every Saturday >I think I'm slick but parents know and always have Luig's Chinese cowboy impression is so offensive that Mario's stomach ulcer practically explodes and he is unable to ask Luigi to stop being so f------ racist 125 KB PNG >One night around 5 we're f------ >I'm slapping and spanking the s--- out of her She likes it and is moaning loud as s--- >Spank >"Ohh" >Spank >Spank >"Ohh" >Come down for dinner around 6 like we usually do >Gran's there, didn't know she'd be here >We're all eating everythings fine >Dad says in a smug a------ tone-"Anon next time don't spank anonette so loudly while your grandmothers here >Me and gf go bright red >Silence >My whole family staring at us grinning >"...uh ok dad, sorry" >she still came over after what a trooper

: Anonymous 12/17/18(Mon)21:30:51 No.49912213 >me >Be 14 > Have gf over on weekend >Every weekend we have sex all day every Saturday >I think I'm slick but parents know and always have Luig's Chinese cowboy impression is so offensive that Mario's stomach ulcer practically explodes and he is unable to ask Luigi to stop being so f------ racist 125 KB PNG >One night around 5 we're f------ >I'm slapping and spanking the s--- out of her She likes it and is moaning loud as s--- >Spank >"Ohh" >Spank >Spank >"Ohh" >Come down for dinner around 6 like we usually do >Gran's there, didn't know she'd be here >We're all eating everythings fine >Dad says in a smug a------ tone-"Anon next time don't spank anonette so loudly while your grandmothers here >Me and gf go bright red >Silence >My whole family staring at us grinning >"...uh ok dad, sorry" >she still came over after what a trooper

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Anon has a dream | /r/Greentext

>weird f------ dream i had: >chilling in my room >look through my window on second floor >see three elderly women passing by on the road >look at them for a while 599 KB PNG >one of them looks at my window >oh s--- they saw me >she takes a TV temote control and points it towards my window. >window turns black >bitch just turned off my window >wake up angry >what??

>weird f------ dream i had: >chilling in my room >look through my window on second floor >see three elderly women passing by on the road >look at them for a while 599 KB PNG >one of them looks at my window >oh s--- they saw me >she takes a TV temote control and points it towards my window. >window turns black >bitch just turned off my window >wake up angry >what??

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Anon is being chased by police | /r/Greentext

i got a criminal record for having autism >be me >whenever i hear a police siren i start running so people think im cool and gangsta >july of last year 84 KB JPG >hear police siren >do the usual >police turn the corner >see me running looking back over my shoulder >they start chasing me >now im scared because they have guns drawn and I keep going >they catch me easily because im really overweight >they search me and find my sudoku book and laugh at me long story short i got community service for resisting arrest

i got a criminal record for having autism >be me >whenever i hear a police siren i start running so people think im cool and gangsta >july of last year 84 KB JPG >hear police siren >do the usual >police turn the corner >see me running looking back over my shoulder >they start chasing me >now im scared because they have guns drawn and I keep going >they catch me easily because im really overweight >they search me and find my sudoku book and laugh at me long story short i got community service for resisting arrest

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Anon's life is saved by heavy drugs | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 08/06/21(Fri)15:11:39 No.860489015 [Reply] >be me >20 y.o. >night before school >snort tons of amphetamine >too wasted to go to school >call in sick >need a reason to visit a doctor >notice bump on my ball >perfect >"got this small bump on my Ball what is this" >its cancer >life is fu >drugs basically saved my life

O Anonymous 08/06/21(Fri)15:11:39 No.860489015 [Reply] >be me >20 y.o. >night before school >snort tons of amphetamine >too wasted to go to school >call in sick >need a reason to visit a doctor >notice bump on my ball >perfect >"got this small bump on my Ball what is this" >its cancer >life is fu >drugs basically saved my life

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anon bakes delicious cookies | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/20/20(Mon)09:13:39 No.57754323 >bake a dozen peanut butter cookies and pretend I'm baking them for my gf while listening to girlfriend asmr >sit down at counter with 2 freshly baked cookies 315 KB JPG >take a bite >it's delicious as usual >headphones are out now and all I hear is the droning of the fridge as I sit alone in my house >cry

: Anonymous 04/20/20(Mon)09:13:39 No.57754323 >bake a dozen peanut butter cookies and pretend I'm baking them for my gf while listening to girlfriend asmr >sit down at counter with 2 freshly baked cookies 315 KB JPG >take a bite >it's delicious as usual >headphones are out now and all I hear is the droning of the fridge as I sit alone in my house >cry

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Anon is a Smart Businessman | /r/Greentext

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Anon had a big brother moment | /r/Greentext

21m (8/7 0:33) · 860490258 9 Re· O Img JPG - 1MB · (1774 x 1774) 4 Replies >be me >22 >visiting parents >see younger sister for first time in years >13yo tiktok kid who listens to the same 5 songs >spend day driving around and listening to music with her >have drinks with dad that night >spend night in basement office >room is below hers >hear her listening to a bunch of the songs I played in the truck I feel accomplished as a big brother.

21m (8/7 0:33) · 860490258 9 Re· O Img JPG - 1MB · (1774 x 1774) 4 Replies >be me >22 >visiting parents >see younger sister for first time in years >13yo tiktok kid who listens to the same 5 songs >spend day driving around and listening to music with her >have drinks with dad that night >spend night in basement office >room is below hers >hear her listening to a bunch of the songs I played in the truck I feel accomplished as a big brother.

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Pull the plug | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/06/21(Fri)23:41:46 No.64863979 8454.jpg 40 KB JPG >tfw you cant just ragequit this game 3 Replies / 3 Images View Thread : Anonymous 08/07/21(Sat)00:03:11 No.64864204 you actually can 582 KB JPG

: Anonymous 08/06/21(Fri)23:41:46 No.64863979 8454.jpg 40 KB JPG >tfw you cant just ragequit this game 3 Replies / 3 Images View Thread : Anonymous 08/07/21(Sat)00:03:11 No.64864204 you actually can 582 KB JPG

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Nightmare on Fleet street | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Weirdest dream you've ever had(…..) 08/06/21(Fri)15:56:29 No.64862726 >16 at the time >needed a haircut >Dad drops me off at a new barber shop because he heard it was cheaper >go inside >place is decorated like a Victorian Mansion 6 KB JPG >there was one guy in there >black sweater, dark jeans, dress shoes >tall as hell, easily 6'8" >messy grey hair, pornstar moustache >says "Ahh I've been awaiting your arrival Mr. (last name)" >sounded exactly like G-man >made me do a bunch of weird s--- like play this extremely frustrating and complicated card game and watch this fever dream of a movie on an old projector >every time I would remind him of the haircut he'd say "one thing first" and make me do something else >this continues for hours >finally gives me the haircut >finishes in like three seconds >best cut of my life >leave >in the parking lot there was this panicked looking family and a cop >turns out the real owners were on vacation and this deranged f------ lunatic just walked in and pretended to be a barber What does it mean bros? Also I was black for some reason.

: Anonymous Weirdest dream you've ever had(…..) 08/06/21(Fri)15:56:29 No.64862726 >16 at the time >needed a haircut >Dad drops me off at a new barber shop because he heard it was cheaper >go inside >place is decorated like a Victorian Mansion 6 KB JPG >there was one guy in there >black sweater, dark jeans, dress shoes >tall as hell, easily 6'8" >messy grey hair, pornstar moustache >says "Ahh I've been awaiting your arrival Mr. (last name)" >sounded exactly like G-man >made me do a bunch of weird s--- like play this extremely frustrating and complicated card game and watch this fever dream of a movie on an old projector >every time I would remind him of the haircut he'd say "one thing first" and make me do something else >this continues for hours >finally gives me the haircut >finishes in like three seconds >best cut of my life >leave >in the parking lot there was this panicked looking family and a cop >turns out the real owners were on vacation and this deranged f------ lunatic just walked in and pretended to be a barber What does it mean bros? Also I was black for some reason.

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Anon is a Genius | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/16/18(Sat)23:38:28 No.46166727 >>46166446 # >Be at your house shitposting and watching animu >Doorknoking.wav >ask who is. 65 KB PNG >"FBI we are looking for anon, we need to make him some questions" >lts me but show me an id >open a little bit the door to see ID. >Feds show id >"Sorry but i dont know if those are real, i never saw a fbi badge before" >"This ones are real Anon, can you open anon?" >"Sorry i dont trust you, are you armed?" >"Yes, we are special agents". >"Ok, show me the guns" >Fed show the guns. >Close the door, call the 911, tell them two armed guys are trying to brake into my house. >Cops arrive, ask for id to feds. >black special agent reach to his wallet to show badge. got shot 4 times by local police. >mfw

: Anonymous 06/16/18(Sat)23:38:28 No.46166727 >>46166446 # >Be at your house shitposting and watching animu >Doorknoking.wav >ask who is. 65 KB PNG >"FBI we are looking for anon, we need to make him some questions" >lts me but show me an id >open a little bit the door to see ID. >Feds show id >"Sorry but i dont know if those are real, i never saw a fbi badge before" >"This ones are real Anon, can you open anon?" >"Sorry i dont trust you, are you armed?" >"Yes, we are special agents". >"Ok, show me the guns" >Fed show the guns. >Close the door, call the 911, tell them two armed guys are trying to brake into my house. >Cops arrive, ask for id to feds. >black special agent reach to his wallet to show badge. got shot 4 times by local police. >mfw

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Far from the tree | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/06/21(Fri)11:45:01 No.64860094 ARE YA WINNING, >be me SON? >like 10 or 11 >accidentally saw my dad's d--- >it was f------ huge >think "alright ladies you got no idea what's coming for ya" >fast forward to today >not nearly as big 90 KВ PNG >must've skipped my genes >goddamnit Well I've been dealt the hand of an average d---, I blame my mother's genes

: Anonymous 08/06/21(Fri)11:45:01 No.64860094 ARE YA WINNING, >be me SON? >like 10 or 11 >accidentally saw my dad's d--- >it was f------ huge >think "alright ladies you got no idea what's coming for ya" >fast forward to today >not nearly as big 90 KВ PNG >must've skipped my genes >goddamnit Well I've been dealt the hand of an average d---, I blame my mother's genes

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Anon is an expert businessman | /r/Greentext

Wanna know how I made a cool $50k in a single day /biz/?? >put my best suit on >walk in some town I have never been before >see a young boy having a stand and selling his used videos games in the 154 KB JPG middle of the street >chat with the kids about vidya >offer to buy his whole stand for $100 and a favor >he agrees and asks what favor >I take him to a luxury car dealership >tell him to go sit at the couch and play with the model cars while I look at cars >some young eager-for sales chick comes up to >talk about the car >ask her how much >she tells me the price >tell her it's fine but I would like to drive it first before I sign >she says it's ok and that I should follow her to her office to hand out my credit card and ID >tell her I forgot my credit card >she tells that it's fine and she would make a new appointment for tomorrow >tell her I can't cause I have to fly to Dubai for business this week(wearing a suit so she believes me) >point at the kid >how about I leave you my kid here for 15 minutes, I drive the car around the block and then come back and sign the contract and wire the money >she smiled at the kid and hesitate a bit and said yes >she gets the keys >l get in the car and drive away to some shady Russian/Serbian car dealership my uncle told me about in this area >I give them the car >they give me $50k >leave the kid at the car dealership and never return back to that town That's been 8 months ago. Let me know if you /biz/tards need more business stories

Wanna know how I made a cool $50k in a single day /biz/?? >put my best suit on >walk in some town I have never been before >see a young boy having a stand and selling his used videos games in the 154 KB JPG middle of the street >chat with the kids about vidya >offer to buy his whole stand for $100 and a favor >he agrees and asks what favor >I take him to a luxury car dealership >tell him to go sit at the couch and play with the model cars while I look at cars >some young eager-for sales chick comes up to >talk about the car >ask her how much >she tells me the price >tell her it's fine but I would like to drive it first before I sign >she says it's ok and that I should follow her to her office to hand out my credit card and ID >tell her I forgot my credit card >she tells that it's fine and she would make a new appointment for tomorrow >tell her I can't cause I have to fly to Dubai for business this week(wearing a suit so she believes me) >point at the kid >how about I leave you my kid here for 15 minutes, I drive the car around the block and then come back and sign the contract and wire the money >she smiled at the kid and hesitate a bit and said yes >she gets the keys >l get in the car and drive away to some shady Russian/Serbian car dealership my uncle told me about in this area >I give them the car >they give me $50k >leave the kid at the car dealership and never return back to that town That's been 8 months ago. Let me know if you /biz/tards need more business stories

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He tried to remember the basics of CQC | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12/23/14 (Tue) 18:03:54 ID: 518967 No.1488527 >1488536 21488547 >1488837 >>1501376 >be me >be 14 >bully starts picking on me >take up snake's CQC stace >"what. what are you doing?" >"DO YOU KNOW THE BASICS OF caca" I shout >he just stares at me >he smiles >does the Ocelot hand gesture >"You're pretty good" >we both start laughing >he pins me to the wall and rapes me

Anonymous 12/23/14 (Tue) 18:03:54 ID: 518967 No.1488527 >1488536 21488547 >1488837 >>1501376 >be me >be 14 >bully starts picking on me >take up snake's CQC stace >"what. what are you doing?" >"DO YOU KNOW THE BASICS OF caca" I shout >he just stares at me >he smiles >does the Ocelot hand gesture >"You're pretty good" >we both start laughing >he pins me to the wall and rapes me

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Anon Had a SERIOUS Victory | /r/Greentext

My girlfriend got beaten and r----. I broke up with her right after she told me. This is what happened: >Dating girlfriend for 7 months. >She wants to go to this sleazy club with her friend. 59 KB JPG >I told her I didn't want her to go. >Had an argument about it. She was like "You don't own me and I can do what I want." and that b-------. >Told her if she went then I'm breaking up with her. >She said she wouldn't go and dropped it. >Saturday came. >Hadn't heard from her all day. >At 4AM on Sunday she calls me crying. >She says she got r---- and beat up. >She went to the club anyway. Apparently she left alone with some guy and his friend to go to a party. They took her somewhere and beat her up and r---- her. >Had many feelings about this, none of them pleasant. >I told her if she went to the club that l'd leave her and I told her we were over. >She started freaking out and saying she needs me right now and that she was sorry. >Told her never to call me again. >Have been getting rabid hate from her friends and my friends think I was way too cold. >She broke my trust, went somewhere I said not to, was probably going to end up cheating on me anyway and got r---- and beaten over it and I'm suppose to feel sorry for her.

My girlfriend got beaten and r----. I broke up with her right after she told me. This is what happened: >Dating girlfriend for 7 months. >She wants to go to this sleazy club with her friend. 59 KB JPG >I told her I didn't want her to go. >Had an argument about it. She was like "You don't own me and I can do what I want." and that b-------. >Told her if she went then I'm breaking up with her. >She said she wouldn't go and dropped it. >Saturday came. >Hadn't heard from her all day. >At 4AM on Sunday she calls me crying. >She says she got r---- and beat up. >She went to the club anyway. Apparently she left alone with some guy and his friend to go to a party. They took her somewhere and beat her up and r---- her. >Had many feelings about this, none of them pleasant. >I told her if she went to the club that l'd leave her and I told her we were over. >She started freaking out and saying she needs me right now and that she was sorry. >Told her never to call me again. >Have been getting rabid hate from her friends and my friends think I was way too cold. >She broke my trust, went somewhere I said not to, was probably going to end up cheating on me anyway and got r---- and beaten over it and I'm suppose to feel sorry for her.

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