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Nightmare on Fleet street | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Weirdest dream you've ever had(…..) 08/06/21(Fri)15:56:29 No.64862726 >16 at the time >needed a haircut >Dad drops me off at a new barber shop because he heard it was cheaper >go inside >place is decorated like a Victorian Mansion 6 KB JPG >there was one guy in there >black sweater, dark jeans, dress shoes >tall as hell, easily 6'8" >messy grey hair, pornstar moustache >says "Ahh I've been awaiting your arrival Mr. (last name)" >sounded exactly like G-man >made me do a bunch of weird s--- like play this extremely frustrating and complicated card game and watch this fever dream of a movie on an old projector >every time I would remind him of the haircut he'd say "one thing first" and make me do something else >this continues for hours >finally gives me the haircut >finishes in like three seconds >best cut of my life >leave >in the parking lot there was this panicked looking family and a cop >turns out the real owners were on vacation and this deranged f------ lunatic just walked in and pretended to be a barber What does it mean bros? Also I was black for some reason.
: Anonymous Weirdest dream you've ever had(…..) 08/06/21(Fri)15:56:29 No.64862726 >16 at the time >needed a haircut >Dad drops me off at a new barber shop because he heard it was cheaper >go inside >place is decorated like a Victorian Mansion 6 KB JPG >there was one guy in there >black sweater, dark jeans, dress shoes >tall as hell, easily 6'8" >messy grey hair, pornstar moustache >says "Ahh I've been awaiting your arrival Mr. (last name)" >sounded exactly like G-man >made me do a bunch of weird s--- like play this extremely frustrating and complicated card game and watch this fever dream of a movie on an old projector >every time I would remind him of the haircut he'd say "one thing first" and make me do something else >this continues for hours >finally gives me the haircut >finishes in like three seconds >best cut of my life >leave >in the parking lot there was this panicked looking family and a cop >turns out the real owners were on vacation and this deranged f------ lunatic just walked in and pretended to be a barber What does it mean bros? Also I was black for some reason.

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Anon is a Genius | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/16/18(Sat)23:38:28 No.46166727 >>46166446 # >Be at your house shitposting and watching animu >Doorknoking.wav >ask who is. 65 KB PNG >"FBI we are looking for anon, we need to make him some questions" >lts me but show me an id >open a little bit the door to see ID. >Feds show id >"Sorry but i dont know if those are real, i never saw a fbi badge before" >"This ones are real Anon, can you open anon?" >"Sorry i dont trust you, are you armed?" >"Yes, we are special agents". >"Ok, show me the guns" >Fed show the guns. >Close the door, call the 911, tell them two armed guys are trying to brake into my house. >Cops arrive, ask for id to feds. >black special agent reach to his wallet to show badge. got shot 4 times by local police. >mfw
: Anonymous 06/16/18(Sat)23:38:28 No.46166727 >>46166446 # >Be at your house shitposting and watching animu >Doorknoking.wav >ask who is. 65 KB PNG >"FBI we are looking for anon, we need to make him some questions" >lts me but show me an id >open a little bit the door to see ID. >Feds show id >"Sorry but i dont know if those are real, i never saw a fbi badge before" >"This ones are real Anon, can you open anon?" >"Sorry i dont trust you, are you armed?" >"Yes, we are special agents". >"Ok, show me the guns" >Fed show the guns. >Close the door, call the 911, tell them two armed guys are trying to brake into my house. >Cops arrive, ask for id to feds. >black special agent reach to his wallet to show badge. got shot 4 times by local police. >mfw

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Far from the tree | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/06/21(Fri)11:45:01 No.64860094 ARE YA WINNING, >be me SON? >like 10 or 11 >accidentally saw my dad's d--- >it was f------ huge >think "alright ladies you got no idea what's coming for ya" >fast forward to today >not nearly as big 90 KВ PNG >must've skipped my genes >goddamnit Well I've been dealt the hand of an average d---, I blame my mother's genes
: Anonymous 08/06/21(Fri)11:45:01 No.64860094 ARE YA WINNING, >be me SON? >like 10 or 11 >accidentally saw my dad's d--- >it was f------ huge >think "alright ladies you got no idea what's coming for ya" >fast forward to today >not nearly as big 90 KВ PNG >must've skipped my genes >goddamnit Well I've been dealt the hand of an average d---, I blame my mother's genes

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Anon is an expert businessman | /r/Greentext

Wanna know how I made a cool $50k in a single day /biz/?? >put my best suit on >walk in some town I have never been before >see a young boy having a stand and selling his used videos games in the 154 KB JPG middle of the street >chat with the kids about vidya >offer to buy his whole stand for $100 and a favor >he agrees and asks what favor >I take him to a luxury car dealership >tell him to go sit at the couch and play with the model cars while I look at cars >some young eager-for sales chick comes up to >talk about the car >ask her how much >she tells me the price >tell her it's fine but I would like to drive it first before I sign >she says it's ok and that I should follow her to her office to hand out my credit card and ID >tell her I forgot my credit card >she tells that it's fine and she would make a new appointment for tomorrow >tell her I can't cause I have to fly to Dubai for business this week(wearing a suit so she believes me) >point at the kid >how about I leave you my kid here for 15 minutes, I drive the car around the block and then come back and sign the contract and wire the money >she smiled at the kid and hesitate a bit and said yes >she gets the keys >l get in the car and drive away to some shady Russian/Serbian car dealership my uncle told me about in this area >I give them the car >they give me $50k >leave the kid at the car dealership and never return back to that town That's been 8 months ago. Let me know if you /biz/tards need more business stories
Wanna know how I made a cool $50k in a single day /biz/?? >put my best suit on >walk in some town I have never been before >see a young boy having a stand and selling his used videos games in the 154 KB JPG middle of the street >chat with the kids about vidya >offer to buy his whole stand for $100 and a favor >he agrees and asks what favor >I take him to a luxury car dealership >tell him to go sit at the couch and play with the model cars while I look at cars >some young eager-for sales chick comes up to >talk about the car >ask her how much >she tells me the price >tell her it's fine but I would like to drive it first before I sign >she says it's ok and that I should follow her to her office to hand out my credit card and ID >tell her I forgot my credit card >she tells that it's fine and she would make a new appointment for tomorrow >tell her I can't cause I have to fly to Dubai for business this week(wearing a suit so she believes me) >point at the kid >how about I leave you my kid here for 15 minutes, I drive the car around the block and then come back and sign the contract and wire the money >she smiled at the kid and hesitate a bit and said yes >she gets the keys >l get in the car and drive away to some shady Russian/Serbian car dealership my uncle told me about in this area >I give them the car >they give me $50k >leave the kid at the car dealership and never return back to that town That's been 8 months ago. Let me know if you /biz/tards need more business stories

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He tried to remember the basics of CQC | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12/23/14 (Tue) 18:03:54 ID: 518967 No.1488527 >1488536 21488547 >1488837 >>1501376 >be me >be 14 >bully starts picking on me >take up snake's CQC stace >"what. what are you doing?" >"DO YOU KNOW THE BASICS OF caca" I shout >he just stares at me >he smiles >does the Ocelot hand gesture >"You're pretty good" >we both start laughing >he pins me to the wall and rapes me
Anonymous 12/23/14 (Tue) 18:03:54 ID: 518967 No.1488527 >1488536 21488547 >1488837 >>1501376 >be me >be 14 >bully starts picking on me >take up snake's CQC stace >"what. what are you doing?" >"DO YOU KNOW THE BASICS OF caca" I shout >he just stares at me >he smiles >does the Ocelot hand gesture >"You're pretty good" >we both start laughing >he pins me to the wall and rapes me

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Anon Had a SERIOUS Victory | /r/Greentext

My girlfriend got beaten and r----. I broke up with her right after she told me. This is what happened: >Dating girlfriend for 7 months. >She wants to go to this sleazy club with her friend. 59 KB JPG >I told her I didn't want her to go. >Had an argument about it. She was like "You don't own me and I can do what I want." and that b-------. >Told her if she went then I'm breaking up with her. >She said she wouldn't go and dropped it. >Saturday came. >Hadn't heard from her all day. >At 4AM on Sunday she calls me crying. >She says she got r---- and beat up. >She went to the club anyway. Apparently she left alone with some guy and his friend to go to a party. They took her somewhere and beat her up and r---- her. >Had many feelings about this, none of them pleasant. >I told her if she went to the club that l'd leave her and I told her we were over. >She started freaking out and saying she needs me right now and that she was sorry. >Told her never to call me again. >Have been getting rabid hate from her friends and my friends think I was way too cold. >She broke my trust, went somewhere I said not to, was probably going to end up cheating on me anyway and got r---- and beaten over it and I'm suppose to feel sorry for her.
My girlfriend got beaten and r----. I broke up with her right after she told me. This is what happened: >Dating girlfriend for 7 months. >She wants to go to this sleazy club with her friend. 59 KB JPG >I told her I didn't want her to go. >Had an argument about it. She was like "You don't own me and I can do what I want." and that b-------. >Told her if she went then I'm breaking up with her. >She said she wouldn't go and dropped it. >Saturday came. >Hadn't heard from her all day. >At 4AM on Sunday she calls me crying. >She says she got r---- and beat up. >She went to the club anyway. Apparently she left alone with some guy and his friend to go to a party. They took her somewhere and beat her up and r---- her. >Had many feelings about this, none of them pleasant. >I told her if she went to the club that l'd leave her and I told her we were over. >She started freaking out and saying she needs me right now and that she was sorry. >Told her never to call me again. >Have been getting rabid hate from her friends and my friends think I was way too cold. >She broke my trust, went somewhere I said not to, was probably going to end up cheating on me anyway and got r---- and beaten over it and I'm suppose to feel sorry for her.

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Anon loves his mom | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/07/20(Sat)13:25:40 No.839527345 >Be me >Make tendies >Mom working >Give mom some tendies "Thanks anon love you" Love you too mom 62 KB PNG 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 11/07/20(Sat)13:25:40 No.839527345 >Be me >Make tendies >Mom working >Give mom some tendies "Thanks anon love you" Love you too mom 62 KB PNG 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon is a single father | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/08/12(Sun)20:01:25 No.410969229 >be a single father >find a sploof under my 15 year old son's bed >not surprised that he's smoking weed >see him and his friend come home once with clearly bloodshot eyes >remember reading here once about how a parent intentionally caught his son smoking weed, pretended to freak out and then smoked it right in front of him >think this would be a laugh and decide to replicate it >l go out every Saturday night and his friend is always there before I leave so I assume that's when they smoke weed >tell them l'm leaving, drive off, park the car one block away and then walk back to the house >slowly enter through the back door and move my way towards his room quiet as a mouse >approaching his door I can smell the weed and get ready to go in >pull open the door really fast and I see my son sucking his friends d--- >close door immediately and go lay on my bed for the rest of the night traumatized >still haven't talked to him since then >mfw
Anonymous 07/08/12(Sun)20:01:25 No.410969229 >be a single father >find a sploof under my 15 year old son's bed >not surprised that he's smoking weed >see him and his friend come home once with clearly bloodshot eyes >remember reading here once about how a parent intentionally caught his son smoking weed, pretended to freak out and then smoked it right in front of him >think this would be a laugh and decide to replicate it >l go out every Saturday night and his friend is always there before I leave so I assume that's when they smoke weed >tell them l'm leaving, drive off, park the car one block away and then walk back to the house >slowly enter through the back door and move my way towards his room quiet as a mouse >approaching his door I can smell the weed and get ready to go in >pull open the door really fast and I see my son sucking his friends d--- >close door immediately and go lay on my bed for the rest of the night traumatized >still haven't talked to him since then >mfw

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Anon is used | /r/Greentext

>be me >horny >go on omegle cause retarded >turn on camera >almost everyone thinks im a girl >one dude nuts >mfw 179 KB PNG w--
>be me >horny >go on omegle cause retarded >turn on camera >almost everyone thinks im a girl >one dude nuts >mfw 179 KB PNG w--

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Anon Had Big Brain Energy | /r/Greentext


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Anon encounters problems in fallout 4 | /r/Greentext


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Anon got scammed | /r/Greentext

>be me >18 >riding train home from work >11pm, train is practically empty >random chick sits next to me >she's 19, kinda cute >sees her knee shaking >l ask if she's ok >"anon, I cant get home with just the train and my family refuses to pick me up and I have no money for an uber." 58 KB JPG >weird >"why?" >she lies: "idk" >l apologize and say I cant help her because my stop is way before hers' >I get off at my station >she follows >screaminginternally.jpeg >be me not understanding why she f----- herself like that >she asks if she can stay at mine >l'm like f--- no >she starts crying >l agree to buy an uber >"omg anon thank you so much!!!" >"anon, what's your instagram? I'll add you." >she writes my social into her phone notes >Uber arrives >Uber costs me $50 >she never added me on instagram should I have told her to f--- off from the start?
>be me >18 >riding train home from work >11pm, train is practically empty >random chick sits next to me >she's 19, kinda cute >sees her knee shaking >l ask if she's ok >"anon, I cant get home with just the train and my family refuses to pick me up and I have no money for an uber." 58 KB JPG >weird >"why?" >she lies: "idk" >l apologize and say I cant help her because my stop is way before hers' >I get off at my station >she follows >screaminginternally.jpeg >be me not understanding why she f----- herself like that >she asks if she can stay at mine >l'm like f--- no >she starts crying >l agree to buy an uber >"omg anon thank you so much!!!" >"anon, what's your instagram? I'll add you." >she writes my social into her phone notes >Uber arrives >Uber costs me $50 >she never added me on instagram should I have told her to f--- off from the start?

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Anon Forgot His New Bluetooth Speaker | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: rZjfw/by ) 08/15/14(Fri)13:47:15 No.562739680 >be me >it is Christmas >open first present, Bluetooth speakers >play some Christmas music >proceed to open more presents >master has given dobby a sock >have a good time 67 KB JPG >family all there >going up for a shower >get dat boner >rub it out while watching p--- on my phone >come downstairs, family looks horrified >the speakers broadcasted all the p--- >mfw
Anonymous (ID: rZjfw/by ) 08/15/14(Fri)13:47:15 No.562739680 >be me >it is Christmas >open first present, Bluetooth speakers >play some Christmas music >proceed to open more presents >master has given dobby a sock >have a good time 67 KB JPG >family all there >going up for a shower >get dat boner >rub it out while watching p--- on my phone >come downstairs, family looks horrified >the speakers broadcasted all the p--- >mfw

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On the rack | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/06/21(Fri)07:49:42 No.64857874 5ee.jpg 61 KB JPG >boobs are... LE GOOD!!! >haha yeah I heckin' love boobarinos >wow check out the set on her >nothing gets the juices flowing more than a couple of sacks of fat attached to a girl's chest >the bigger the better, right lads? >boobs are based!!!! : Anonymous 08/06/21(Fri)07:50:00 No.64857877 >for me, it's cocks 33 KB JPG
: Anonymous 08/06/21(Fri)07:49:42 No.64857874 5ee.jpg 61 KB JPG >boobs are... LE GOOD!!! >haha yeah I heckin' love boobarinos >wow check out the set on her >nothing gets the juices flowing more than a couple of sacks of fat attached to a girl's chest >the bigger the better, right lads? >boobs are based!!!! : Anonymous 08/06/21(Fri)07:50:00 No.64857877 >for me, it's cocks 33 KB JPG

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Anon is Schwabpilled | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: MC7Flim3 ) 08/06/21(Fri)07:07:11 No.39489234 >Food? Inflated. >Currency? Devalued. >Job? Shutdown. 167 КВ ЈPG >Gym? Shutdown. >Vaccine? Taken. >Therapy? Virtually attended. >Meds? Taken. >Living situation? Quarantined. >Crypto portfolio? Regulated. >Net worth? Bogged. >Taxes? Paid. >Home? Pod. : Anonymous (ID: 8GT0/axP ) 08/06/21(Fri)07:07:32 No.39489245 >Hotel? Trivago >>39492662 #
: Anonymous (ID: MC7Flim3 ) 08/06/21(Fri)07:07:11 No.39489234 >Food? Inflated. >Currency? Devalued. >Job? Shutdown. 167 КВ ЈPG >Gym? Shutdown. >Vaccine? Taken. >Therapy? Virtually attended. >Meds? Taken. >Living situation? Quarantined. >Crypto portfolio? Regulated. >Net worth? Bogged. >Taxes? Paid. >Home? Pod. : Anonymous (ID: 8GT0/axP ) 08/06/21(Fri)07:07:32 No.39489245 >Hotel? Trivago >>39492662 #

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Fit as a fiddle | /r/Greentext


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Anon's stepsister | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 08/06/21(Fri)14:34:21 No.860458638 >here's a picture of my stepsister pic unrelated
O Anonymous 08/06/21(Fri)14:34:21 No.860458638 >here's a picture of my stepsister pic unrelated

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All the lonely people, where do they all come from? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/06/21(Fri)06:59:25 No.64857451 >have an old neighbor >talk to him sometimes AU Duda oments will be lo Thetears in rain >he gives me good life advice >his wife died, kids don't care about him >he has a cat that's really old >it dies >visit him Time to die 137 KB JPG >have a usual talk, he seems a lot more sad than usual >"thanks for coming over, anon" >later found out he died in his sleep a week later
: Anonymous 08/06/21(Fri)06:59:25 No.64857451 >have an old neighbor >talk to him sometimes AU Duda oments will be lo Thetears in rain >he gives me good life advice >his wife died, kids don't care about him >he has a cat that's really old >it dies >visit him Time to die 137 KB JPG >have a usual talk, he seems a lot more sad than usual >"thanks for coming over, anon" >later found out he died in his sleep a week later

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Anon Gets Rekt | /r/Greentext

BORN to >buying cigarettes at the usual gas station >girl behind counter "you look so young, why are you ruining your good looks with cigarettes?" >ask her if she really meant i look good FEEL 24 KB JPG >"nah just kidding haha smoke away buddy"
BORN to >buying cigarettes at the usual gas station >girl behind counter "you look so young, why are you ruining your good looks with cigarettes?" >ask her if she really meant i look good FEEL 24 KB JPG >"nah just kidding haha smoke away buddy"

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Anon's friends are hypocrites | /r/Greentext

File: download (2).jpg (5 KB, 265x190) O Anonymous 08/06/21(Fri)00:55:17 No.860446570 >be me >be in highschool >be asian >in gym with group of friends >black friend calls me coinslot >i said the first two letters of the nword, then stopped >everyone stops and stares >after a while they awkwardly try to brush it off, >avoid me like a cancerous child >never mention that day again what should i have done b?
File: download (2).jpg (5 KB, 265x190) O Anonymous 08/06/21(Fri)00:55:17 No.860446570 >be me >be in highschool >be asian >in gym with group of friends >black friend calls me coinslot >i said the first two letters of the nword, then stopped >everyone stops and stares >after a while they awkwardly try to brush it off, >avoid me like a cancerous child >never mention that day again what should i have done b?

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