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Anon’s call-to-action | /r/Greentext

>me >boomer grandpa watching news >story about random normie dying from covid >"family in shock" >"he was young and healthy, in the prime of his life" 382 KB JPG >jump cut to >jabbathehutt.jpg >"big" is literally used in front of his first name >normie found out he got covid after going to the ER for a sunburn >normie goes home >pneumoniawheez.mp4 >normie goes to the ICU >dies >my boomer grandpa "no s--- what do you think happens when a fat f--- gets covid" Anons, even my boomer grandpa isn't full retard, go get the vaccine

>me >boomer grandpa watching news >story about random normie dying from covid >"family in shock" >"he was young and healthy, in the prime of his life" 382 KB JPG >jump cut to >jabbathehutt.jpg >"big" is literally used in front of his first name >normie found out he got covid after going to the ER for a sunburn >normie goes home >pneumoniawheez.mp4 >normie goes to the ICU >dies >my boomer grandpa "no s--- what do you think happens when a fat f--- gets covid" Anons, even my boomer grandpa isn't full retard, go get the vaccine

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Anon listens to Joe Rogan | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/03/21(Tue)13:32:23 No.860270115 > leans in closer to mic > "Hey man, I was doing some Bolivian marching powder enemas in my ice bath while researching Ron Reagan recently, and I think I figured out the reason why he was such a f------ prick as governor of Califomia and President. Jamie, pull up the pictures" > "He was just an actor before, right?" > "He was, but the turning point was in 1951 with a role in 'Bedtime for Bonzo' where he acted with a chimp. Look at his pants before 1951, and after 1951." > "I'm not seeing it Joe" > "Dude how can you not. His package is f------ gone. That chimp totally ripped off his d---."

Anonymous 08/03/21(Tue)13:32:23 No.860270115 > leans in closer to mic > "Hey man, I was doing some Bolivian marching powder enemas in my ice bath while researching Ron Reagan recently, and I think I figured out the reason why he was such a f------ prick as governor of Califomia and President. Jamie, pull up the pictures" > "He was just an actor before, right?" > "He was, but the turning point was in 1951 with a role in 'Bedtime for Bonzo' where he acted with a chimp. Look at his pants before 1951, and after 1951." > "I'm not seeing it Joe" > "Dude how can you not. His package is f------ gone. That chimp totally ripped off his d---."

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2018 Greentext Projecting on 2019... Glad Anon Wasn't Right... or... Was He? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: WW503DHF ) * 02/21/18(Wed)21:07:20 No.16142413C >be American high school student >2019 >multiple school shootings a day >every teacher is now armed >veterans patrol the halls on mobility scooters with built in mini-guns >in Algebra 2 >teacher is handing out the quiz, her full body armor jostling around >reach into my backpack to take out my calculator >her M16 is already trained on me >"ANON DON'T F------ MOVE" >"I-I need my calculator" >"THIS IS A NO CALCULATOR QUIZ WHAT THE F--- ARE YOU REACHING FOR" >"I-I thought we could use calculators" >"YOU THOUGHT WRONG" >tense pause >she lowers her weapon >school shooter takes this opportunity to snipe her from the back of the class >her blood and brains splatters all over my face >second school shooter wheels around in the front with a shotgun, takes aim at the first shooter because he doesn't want to share the headlines >try to run for the door >veteran mobility scooter unit flies in and tears me to shreds firing 6k rounds a minute >die happy knowing that l'm still freer than Europoors >family gets charged 10 mil for my medical expenses (plus tip)

: Anonymous (ID: WW503DHF ) * 02/21/18(Wed)21:07:20 No.16142413C >be American high school student >2019 >multiple school shootings a day >every teacher is now armed >veterans patrol the halls on mobility scooters with built in mini-guns >in Algebra 2 >teacher is handing out the quiz, her full body armor jostling around >reach into my backpack to take out my calculator >her M16 is already trained on me >"ANON DON'T F------ MOVE" >"I-I need my calculator" >"THIS IS A NO CALCULATOR QUIZ WHAT THE F--- ARE YOU REACHING FOR" >"I-I thought we could use calculators" >"YOU THOUGHT WRONG" >tense pause >she lowers her weapon >school shooter takes this opportunity to snipe her from the back of the class >her blood and brains splatters all over my face >second school shooter wheels around in the front with a shotgun, takes aim at the first shooter because he doesn't want to share the headlines >try to run for the door >veteran mobility scooter unit flies in and tears me to shreds firing 6k rounds a minute >die happy knowing that l'm still freer than Europoors >family gets charged 10 mil for my medical expenses (plus tip)

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Anon invites girl for Netflix | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/03/21 (Wed)18:51:06 No.848750292 >be me >Invites girl over for Netflix >There was no Netflix, I lied. >She thinks I wanted to f---, lol no >l wanted to actually talk about Skyrim lore >She's actually interested (what. the. 1005 KB PNG f---. no. way.) >We talk for 3-4 hours >She later says she's pro-stormcloak (red flag but ok.) >She says Nords are her favorite race (gross, not Breton-pilled) >She says Thieves Guild is the best questline in the game (ok your pressing buttons now) >Ends with saying that she didn't wife Ysolda (ok you're a f------ c---) >Throw her out in -20 snow >drunk >No ride home >glory to the empire

: Anonymous 03/03/21 (Wed)18:51:06 No.848750292 >be me >Invites girl over for Netflix >There was no Netflix, I lied. >She thinks I wanted to f---, lol no >l wanted to actually talk about Skyrim lore >She's actually interested (what. the. 1005 KB PNG f---. no. way.) >We talk for 3-4 hours >She later says she's pro-stormcloak (red flag but ok.) >She says Nords are her favorite race (gross, not Breton-pilled) >She says Thieves Guild is the best questline in the game (ok your pressing buttons now) >Ends with saying that she didn't wife Ysolda (ok you're a f------ c---) >Throw her out in -20 snow >drunk >No ride home >glory to the empire

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Bong uncovers the conspiracy | /r/Greentext

File: workers.jpg (49 KB, 590x350) EY A Anonymous (ID: RibzuGUk ) 08/03/21(Tue)12:51:54 No.332622187 >>332622311 >road dug up and traffic backlogged > see these guys stood around doing nothing >??? >2 years later the road is magically "fixed" Do you guys really fall for this?

File: workers.jpg (49 KB, 590x350) EY A Anonymous (ID: RibzuGUk ) 08/03/21(Tue)12:51:54 No.332622187 >>332622311 >road dug up and traffic backlogged > see these guys stood around doing nothing >??? >2 years later the road is magically "fixed" Do you guys really fall for this?

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Anon living a paradox | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/03/21(Tue)16:47:25 No.64818372 >be me >fatherless, he was murdered when i was a kid, at exactly midnight in front of our home >they never discovered who did it >go back in time to stop the 62 KB JPG murderer >hide in front of my home one hour before midnight >dont see anyone coming, start getting nervous >almost at midnight i see a guy approach the house's door >there is no time, only mere seconds before the murder >no one else is here, this guy must be the killer >i jump out and shoot >looking closer i realize i killed my father >mfw its midnight >mfw i was the murderer all along >mfw you cant change fate

: Anonymous 08/03/21(Tue)16:47:25 No.64818372 >be me >fatherless, he was murdered when i was a kid, at exactly midnight in front of our home >they never discovered who did it >go back in time to stop the 62 KB JPG murderer >hide in front of my home one hour before midnight >dont see anyone coming, start getting nervous >almost at midnight i see a guy approach the house's door >there is no time, only mere seconds before the murder >no one else is here, this guy must be the killer >i jump out and shoot >looking closer i realize i killed my father >mfw its midnight >mfw i was the murderer all along >mfw you cant change fate

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Anon changes a password | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/03/21(Tue)00:03:21 No.860208691 >be me >make twitter account so i can catch up with my fav content creators >make account >wanna change @ >look up how to >goto thing >"Enter password to continue" 6 KB PNG >enters password >password incorrect >w--.png >enters password >password incorrect >enters password >password incorrect >goto change password >"New password cannot be same as current password" Are you f------ serious

: Anonymous 08/03/21(Tue)00:03:21 No.860208691 >be me >make twitter account so i can catch up with my fav content creators >make account >wanna change @ >look up how to >goto thing >"Enter password to continue" 6 KB PNG >enters password >password incorrect >w--.png >enters password >password incorrect >enters password >password incorrect >goto change password >"New password cannot be same as current password" Are you f------ serious

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Anon is old | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/02/21(Mon)22:16:48 No.860224081 66FC9071-E07E-4E4E-B578-5DF1AB829ADA.jpg 119 KB JPG >be me a teenager >people always say I have boring old people hobbies >don't let it get to me >on Reddit >see notification >get recommended subreddit "dating over 60" >mfw

: Anonymous 08/02/21(Mon)22:16:48 No.860224081 66FC9071-E07E-4E4E-B578-5DF1AB829ADA.jpg 119 KB JPG >be me a teenager >people always say I have boring old people hobbies >don't let it get to me >on Reddit >see notification >get recommended subreddit "dating over 60" >mfw

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Anon eats his boogers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/28/19(Sun)00:26:50 No.798407588 >nom nom >crunch >gullppp >nom nom nom nom >crunch crunch 7 KB JPG >gulp >nom nom nom >gulp 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 04/28/19(Sun)00:43:51 No.798408721 Can I get some? 78 KB PNG

: Anonymous 04/28/19(Sun)00:26:50 No.798407588 >nom nom >crunch >gullppp >nom nom nom nom >crunch crunch 7 KB JPG >gulp >nom nom nom >gulp 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 04/28/19(Sun)00:43:51 No.798408721 Can I get some? 78 KB PNG

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See u later virgins | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/31/18(Thu)14:10:35 No.45794990 >be me >somebody makes fun of me >girl laughs at me >this means she was thinking of me >in other terms my image was in her brain for a short while 6 KB JPG >l've basically been inside her See you later, virgins 2 Replies View Thread

: Anonymous 05/31/18(Thu)14:10:35 No.45794990 >be me >somebody makes fun of me >girl laughs at me >this means she was thinking of me >in other terms my image was in her brain for a short while 6 KB JPG >l've basically been inside her See you later, virgins 2 Replies View Thread

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Anon loses his mind because of loneliness | /r/Greentext

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Anon has bad knees | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/22/19(Sun)01:06:31 No.810104976 >be me >play high school football >starting tight end >offseason junior year >dislocatedkneecap.jpg >out 6 months 51 KB JPG >work to come back stronger >come back senior year >dislocate other kneecap >mfw Whats wrong with my knees? : Anonymous 09/22/19(Sun)01:07:12 No.810105014 >>810104976 (OP) # > Whats wrong with my knees? You spend too much time on them sucking d---.

: Anonymous 09/22/19(Sun)01:06:31 No.810104976 >be me >play high school football >starting tight end >offseason junior year >dislocatedkneecap.jpg >out 6 months 51 KB JPG >work to come back stronger >come back senior year >dislocate other kneecap >mfw Whats wrong with my knees? : Anonymous 09/22/19(Sun)01:07:12 No.810105014 >>810104976 (OP) # > Whats wrong with my knees? You spend too much time on them sucking d---.

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Anon loses his motivation | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: 7000NE3C File: k2ci2w3af8t61.jpg (231 KB, 1024x1024) 08/02/21(Mon)18:41:53 No.332574206 ► > be me > manlet > weak chin > go to motivational seminar > leader goes around the room > each of you tell us your goals > hear some good goals > people clap supportively > gets to me > l'd like to have a wife... > room breaks out in laughter > ... and own my own company > uproarious laughter > leader says "anon, I'm not sure I can help you" > suddenly pity sounds mfw I paid hundreds of dollars for this s---

Anonymous (ID: 7000NE3C File: k2ci2w3af8t61.jpg (231 KB, 1024x1024) 08/02/21(Mon)18:41:53 No.332574206 ► > be me > manlet > weak chin > go to motivational seminar > leader goes around the room > each of you tell us your goals > hear some good goals > people clap supportively > gets to me > l'd like to have a wife... > room breaks out in laughter > ... and own my own company > uproarious laughter > leader says "anon, I'm not sure I can help you" > suddenly pity sounds mfw I paid hundreds of dollars for this s---

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Anon visits a farm | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/22/18(Sat)22:43:30 No.780546115 >be me >go to one of those farms where they sell produce and have hayrides and s--- for the kids >decide to go on a hayride just for the hell of it 13 KB JPG >late fall so actually a little snow >surprised they're still running >get on cart for hayride >hayride starts going off path >look around >ohfuck. WAV >I should have known >is it too late to escape? >about to make a run for it when suddenly >i'm too late >title appears >"Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim" >Todd howard >you son of a bitch >you did it again

: Anonymous 09/22/18(Sat)22:43:30 No.780546115 >be me >go to one of those farms where they sell produce and have hayrides and s--- for the kids >decide to go on a hayride just for the hell of it 13 KB JPG >late fall so actually a little snow >surprised they're still running >get on cart for hayride >hayride starts going off path >look around >ohfuck. WAV >I should have known >is it too late to escape? >about to make a run for it when suddenly >i'm too late >title appears >"Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim" >Todd howard >you son of a bitch >you did it again

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Anon is broke | /r/Greentext

So guys I've f----- up >be me >26 >broke af need cash >decide to rob gas station > drive up to the place and pull a knife on the employee 41 KB JPG >he whips out a pistol >f---.wav >l try to run but he gets me in the knee > I fall bleeding can't stand up > he calls the cops says he needs an ambulance to for me > get taken to hospital had to amputate leg > s--- > cops show up at my ward say that I'm going to prison in 2 weeks > two weeks pass they come back and take me away > say I'm going to a special cell > ask them what they mean before I can finish they knock me unconscious and everything goes black > I wake up in a room made of stone it's wet and cold > I'm wearing some cloth rags >I realise what has happened but it's too late > the elder scrolls IV oblivion > Todd you sneaky c---

So guys I've f----- up >be me >26 >broke af need cash >decide to rob gas station > drive up to the place and pull a knife on the employee 41 KB JPG >he whips out a pistol >f---.wav >l try to run but he gets me in the knee > I fall bleeding can't stand up > he calls the cops says he needs an ambulance to for me > get taken to hospital had to amputate leg > s--- > cops show up at my ward say that I'm going to prison in 2 weeks > two weeks pass they come back and take me away > say I'm going to a special cell > ask them what they mean before I can finish they knock me unconscious and everything goes black > I wake up in a room made of stone it's wet and cold > I'm wearing some cloth rags >I realise what has happened but it's too late > the elder scrolls IV oblivion > Todd you sneaky c---

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Anon gets cucked | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)08:29:24 No.853503414 > be me > meet this girl online > we hit it off. She's very nice, intelligent, beautiful... Or so I thought > She says she's bi and has had a girlfriend before > my intuition is telling me to drop 27 KB PNG her because double chances of cheating >I said "f--- it" and continued our relationship > ffw a month and she meets this lesbian > they've been talking a lot and I got jealous > youdonthaveanythingtoworryabout.jpeg >I open her insta and they've been flirting > I confront her, she breaks up with me > ffw a couple of weeks and they are now together > mfw I got cucked by someone that doesn't even have a c--- > mfw I could've avoided this if I listened to my intuition why are women like this /b/ros?

: Anonymous 05/03/21(Mon)08:29:24 No.853503414 > be me > meet this girl online > we hit it off. She's very nice, intelligent, beautiful... Or so I thought > She says she's bi and has had a girlfriend before > my intuition is telling me to drop 27 KB PNG her because double chances of cheating >I said "f--- it" and continued our relationship > ffw a month and she meets this lesbian > they've been talking a lot and I got jealous > youdonthaveanythingtoworryabout.jpeg >I open her insta and they've been flirting > I confront her, she breaks up with me > ffw a couple of weeks and they are now together > mfw I got cucked by someone that doesn't even have a c--- > mfw I could've avoided this if I listened to my intuition why are women like this /b/ros?

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Anon plays VRChat | /r/Greentext

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With heavy heart | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/02/21(Mon)23:01:48 No.64813523 >take antidepressants >dont become any less depressed >gain 30 pounds >now extra depressed cause fat. Any doctor that prescribes these deserves to be shot in the back of koria 1.78 MB JPG the head

: Anonymous 08/02/21(Mon)23:01:48 No.64813523 >take antidepressants >dont become any less depressed >gain 30 pounds >now extra depressed cause fat. Any doctor that prescribes these deserves to be shot in the back of koria 1.78 MB JPG the head

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Anon likes marvel | /r/Greentext

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Anon gets harrased | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/20/21(Tue)16:27:38 No.64646556 >go for a walk * >walk into a store >get a carton of milk >go outside and open milk >walk around while drinking it >enjoying life >everyone starts looking at me >few people start laughing 76 KB JPG >keep drinking milk what the f--- is wrong with people can i not drink milk?

: Anonymous 07/20/21(Tue)16:27:38 No.64646556 >go for a walk * >walk into a store >get a carton of milk >go outside and open milk >walk around while drinking it >enjoying life >everyone starts looking at me >few people start laughing 76 KB JPG >keep drinking milk what the f--- is wrong with people can i not drink milk?

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