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Anonymous 08/03/21(Tue)13:32:23 No.860270115 > leans in closer to mic > "Hey man, I was doing some Bolivian marching powder enemas in my ice bath while researching Ron Reagan recently, and I think I figured out the reason why he was such a f------ prick as governor of Califomia and President. Jamie, pull up the pictures" > "He was just an actor before, right?" > "He was, but the turning point was in 1951 with a role in 'Bedtime for Bonzo' where he acted with a chimp. Look at his pants before 1951, and after 1951." > "I'm not seeing it Joe" > "Dude how can you not. His package is f------ gone. That chimp totally ripped off his d---."

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HOW IS YOUR NIGHT GOING /v/? Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:34 No.39833040 Mine is doing good, I just sat down and cracked open a bear and about to play some TF2. Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:35 No.39833090 You cracked open a bear? Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:36 No.39833114 >Cracked open a bear Oh god what OP TF2 IS FOR CASUALS Crro Lack

Anonymous (ID: 31kpyf2g) I f------ hate these people 07/11/21(Sun)21:52:59 No.329597517 1d Amen. As a Democract, I worry about us allowing our cities to become wastelands of homeless drug addicts. I am excited to move out to the suburbs because at least life will be pleasant out there, even if I have to live amongst the Republicans. I want to be able to go for a walk without fear of attack. Do Democrats only care about the rights of antisocial drug addicted transients? I will never vote Republican, but I hate how us Dems don't have the courage to let the ends justify the means. 1625859701519m.jpg 110 KB JPG there is no political solution Anonymous (ID: ricZnDZD) >>329597517 (OP) # 07/11/21(Sun)21:55:23 No.329597743 >I recognize that my party doesn't have my best interests in mind >in fact, I can see that my party favors literal criminals over law abiding citizens >I have to literally pack my s--- up and move because my party ruined my home >I wont ever change the way I vote though Imao Democracy was a mistake >>329599805 # >>329600177 # >>329601081 #

34 KB JPG >Be born in 1949 >Don't have to fight in a war >Be 20 years old in time for the summer of '69 >Pick up some ridiculous 11/10 who's hitchhiking to Woodstock in my Plymouth Roadrunner I bought after working a summer job for a month >She's immediately into me because she's from a small town and I'm the only man in her life who's not her father or brother >Bring her home and marry her >Go to get a job, hired off the street with no experience and get trained >Buy 10 acres of land for less than what I make in a year >rent out my land for decades >retire and sit around house all day looking at my collection of boats and cars I never use Kids today just don't understand hard work and pulling themselves up by their bootstraps

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2018 Greentext Projecting on 2019... Glad Anon Wasn't Right... or... Was He? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: WW503DHF ) * 02/21/18(Wed)21:07:20 No.16142413C >be American high school student >2019 >multiple school shootings a day >every teacher is now armed >veterans patrol the halls on mobility scooters with built in mini-guns >in Algebra 2 >teacher is handing out the quiz, her full body armor jostling around >reach into my backpack to take out my calculator >her M16 is already trained on me >"ANON DON'T F------ MOVE" >"I-I need my calculator" >"THIS IS A NO CALCULATOR QUIZ WHAT THE F--- ARE YOU REACHING FOR" >"I-I thought we could use calculators" >"YOU THOUGHT WRONG" >tense pause >she lowers her weapon >school shooter takes this opportunity to snipe her from the back of the class >her blood and brains splatters all over my face >second school shooter wheels around in the front with a shotgun, takes aim at the first shooter because he doesn't want to share the headlines >try to run for the door >veteran mobility scooter unit flies in and tears me to shreds firing 6k rounds a minute >die happy knowing that l'm still freer than Europoors >family gets charged 10 mil for my medical expenses (plus tip)

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Anon invites girl for Netflix | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/03/21 (Wed)18:51:06 No.848750292 >be me >Invites girl over for Netflix >There was no Netflix, I lied. >She thinks I wanted to f---, lol no >l wanted to actually talk about Skyrim lore >She's actually interested (what. the. 1005 KB PNG f---. no. way.) >We talk for 3-4 hours >She later says she's pro-stormcloak (red flag but ok.) >She says Nords are her favorite race (gross, not Breton-pilled) >She says Thieves Guild is the best questline in the game (ok your pressing buttons now) >Ends with saying that she didn't wife Ysolda (ok you're a f------ c---) >Throw her out in -20 snow >drunk >No ride home >glory to the empire

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Bong uncovers the conspiracy | /r/Greentext

File: workers.jpg (49 KB, 590x350) EY A Anonymous (ID: RibzuGUk ) 08/03/21(Tue)12:51:54 No.332622187 >>332622311 >road dug up and traffic backlogged > see these guys stood around doing nothing >??? >2 years later the road is magically "fixed" Do you guys really fall for this?

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Anon living a paradox | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/03/21(Tue)16:47:25 No.64818372 >be me >fatherless, he was murdered when i was a kid, at exactly midnight in front of our home >they never discovered who did it >go back in time to stop the 62 KB JPG murderer >hide in front of my home one hour before midnight >dont see anyone coming, start getting nervous >almost at midnight i see a guy approach the house's door >there is no time, only mere seconds before the murder >no one else is here, this guy must be the killer >i jump out and shoot >looking closer i realize i killed my father >mfw its midnight >mfw i was the murderer all along >mfw you cant change fate

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Anon changes a password | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/03/21(Tue)00:03:21 No.860208691 >be me >make twitter account so i can catch up with my fav content creators >make account >wanna change @ >look up how to >goto thing >"Enter password to continue" 6 KB PNG >enters password >password incorrect >w--.png >enters password >password incorrect >enters password >password incorrect >goto change password >"New password cannot be same as current password" Are you f------ serious

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Anon is old | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/02/21(Mon)22:16:48 No.860224081 66FC9071-E07E-4E4E-B578-5DF1AB829ADA.jpg 119 KB JPG >be me a teenager >people always say I have boring old people hobbies >don't let it get to me >on Reddit >see notification >get recommended subreddit "dating over 60" >mfw

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Anon eats his boogers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/28/19(Sun)00:26:50 No.798407588 >nom nom >crunch >gullppp >nom nom nom nom >crunch crunch 7 KB JPG >gulp >nom nom nom >gulp 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 04/28/19(Sun)00:43:51 No.798408721 Can I get some? 78 KB PNG

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See u later virgins | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/31/18(Thu)14:10:35 No.45794990 >be me >somebody makes fun of me >girl laughs at me >this means she was thinking of me >in other terms my image was in her brain for a short while 6 KB JPG >l've basically been inside her See you later, virgins 2 Replies View Thread

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Anon loses his mind because of loneliness | /r/Greentext

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Anon has bad knees | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/22/19(Sun)01:06:31 No.810104976 >be me >play high school football >starting tight end >offseason junior year >dislocatedkneecap.jpg >out 6 months 51 KB JPG >work to come back stronger >come back senior year >dislocate other kneecap >mfw Whats wrong with my knees? : Anonymous 09/22/19(Sun)01:07:12 No.810105014 >>810104976 (OP) # > Whats wrong with my knees? You spend too much time on them sucking d---.

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Anon loses his motivation | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: 7000NE3C File: k2ci2w3af8t61.jpg (231 KB, 1024x1024) 08/02/21(Mon)18:41:53 No.332574206 ► > be me > manlet > weak chin > go to motivational seminar > leader goes around the room > each of you tell us your goals > hear some good goals > people clap supportively > gets to me > l'd like to have a wife... > room breaks out in laughter > ... and own my own company > uproarious laughter > leader says "anon, I'm not sure I can help you" > suddenly pity sounds mfw I paid hundreds of dollars for this s---

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Anon visits a farm | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/22/18(Sat)22:43:30 No.780546115 >be me >go to one of those farms where they sell produce and have hayrides and s--- for the kids >decide to go on a hayride just for the hell of it 13 KB JPG >late fall so actually a little snow >surprised they're still running >get on cart for hayride >hayride starts going off path >look around >ohfuck. WAV >I should have known >is it too late to escape? >about to make a run for it when suddenly >i'm too late >title appears >"Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim" >Todd howard >you son of a bitch >you did it again

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Greentext Stories - Anon listens to Joe Rogan | /r/Greentext

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Anonymous 08/03/21(Tue)13:32:23 No.860270115 > leans in closer to mic > "Hey man, I was doing some Bolivian marching powder enemas in my ice bath while researching Ron Reagan recently, and I think I figured out the reason why he was such a f------ prick as governor of Califomia and President. Jamie, pull up the pictures" > "He was just an actor before, right?" > "He was, but the turning point was in 1951 with a role in 'Bedtime for Bonzo' where he acted with a chimp. Look at his pants before 1951, and after 1951." > "I'm not seeing it Joe" > "Dude how can you not. His package is f------ gone. That chimp totally ripped off his d---."

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