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Anon is quarantining | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous jesus f--- 01/23/21(Sat)17:36:44 No.62000148 >be me >quarantining >continue my fallout addiction >bank over 1000 hours >get burnt out >i get back into skyrim >only have about 50 hours 121 KB JPG >h-------- theres a lot i missed >cant stop playing >my new addiction >i play constantly >ffw to today >redecorating my room irl >finish >im so exhausted >damn that was a lot of work i better quicksave >what >mfw
: Anonymous jesus f--- 01/23/21(Sat)17:36:44 No.62000148 >be me >quarantining >continue my fallout addiction >bank over 1000 hours >get burnt out >i get back into skyrim >only have about 50 hours 121 KB JPG >h-------- theres a lot i missed >cant stop playing >my new addiction >i play constantly >ffw to today >redecorating my room irl >finish >im so exhausted >damn that was a lot of work i better quicksave >what >mfw

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Anon talks to a girl | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/04/21(Wed)00:11:28 No.64827515 >be me >uni >spot a super cute girl working the salad bar in the commons >drop dead gorgeous, deep brown eyes and soft, silky black hair >even with COVID masks I could tell she 553 KB PNG was beautiful >chat her up >she had a brace around her index finger, I find out she got mauled by a squirrell trying to feed it >Imao'd with her >shuffle away with my tray of salad like a p---- >decide to approach her at the end of her shift >phone number on a paper, I approach her and shoot my shot >bf, to no one's surprise >I thank her and tell her to have a good day >feel like a retard for a moment, it really seemed she was interested >I see her from time to time working there throughout the year >l always chat up workers there, sometimes I wouldn't immediately recognize her with masks >she clearly felt bad about rejecting me, nice girl >l never felt any regrets Shoot your shot anons, the worst that happens is that they say no. If they're a bitch about it, they're not good people anyways.
: Anonymous 08/04/21(Wed)00:11:28 No.64827515 >be me >uni >spot a super cute girl working the salad bar in the commons >drop dead gorgeous, deep brown eyes and soft, silky black hair >even with COVID masks I could tell she 553 KB PNG was beautiful >chat her up >she had a brace around her index finger, I find out she got mauled by a squirrell trying to feed it >Imao'd with her >shuffle away with my tray of salad like a p---- >decide to approach her at the end of her shift >phone number on a paper, I approach her and shoot my shot >bf, to no one's surprise >I thank her and tell her to have a good day >feel like a retard for a moment, it really seemed she was interested >I see her from time to time working there throughout the year >l always chat up workers there, sometimes I wouldn't immediately recognize her with masks >she clearly felt bad about rejecting me, nice girl >l never felt any regrets Shoot your shot anons, the worst that happens is that they say no. If they're a bitch about it, they're not good people anyways.

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Anons best friend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/18/19(Fri)18:09:08 No.790342553 > be me, male anon > roommate yelling at dog > Apparently dog chewed her dirty panties and tore them >mfw dogo didnt chew anything >mfw dogo takes blame for me 7 KB JPG
: Anonymous 01/18/19(Fri)18:09:08 No.790342553 > be me, male anon > roommate yelling at dog > Apparently dog chewed her dirty panties and tore them >mfw dogo didnt chew anything >mfw dogo takes blame for me 7 KB JPG

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Trump card | /r/Greentext

File: 1407119379594.png (129 KB, 724x611) IT Master Anonymous 08/03/21(Tue)11:37:15 No.64819340 [Reply] >Be me, IT guy for medium sized company >Almost no supervision >Get bored, start looking at the door access software >realize I can change the sensitivity on the RFID reader >Current setting is max, which will read your ID from like 6+ inches away, good enough for purses, wallets, etc >devilish_plan.png >change the sensitivity to bare minimum >Basically have to hold the card on the reader for a good second >Next morning, everyone in the office is visibly upset >Nobody knows who to check with, some people blaming the janitor thinking he controls the cards >Everyone has to take their cards out of their purses/wallets to scan in >It's too petty of an issue for people to seriously inquire about >It's enough to ruin some peoples good spirits It's called I do a little trolling
File: 1407119379594.png (129 KB, 724x611) IT Master Anonymous 08/03/21(Tue)11:37:15 No.64819340 [Reply] >Be me, IT guy for medium sized company >Almost no supervision >Get bored, start looking at the door access software >realize I can change the sensitivity on the RFID reader >Current setting is max, which will read your ID from like 6+ inches away, good enough for purses, wallets, etc >devilish_plan.png >change the sensitivity to bare minimum >Basically have to hold the card on the reader for a good second >Next morning, everyone in the office is visibly upset >Nobody knows who to check with, some people blaming the janitor thinking he controls the cards >Everyone has to take their cards out of their purses/wallets to scan in >It's too petty of an issue for people to seriously inquire about >It's enough to ruin some peoples good spirits It's called I do a little trolling

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Anon is bisexual | /r/Greentext

>be me >bisexual retard >chad always bullies me for being retarded >doesn't know I'm bisexual >chad also said I look like a girl >he said if I had longer hair he'd probably 45 KB JPG f--- me >evilplanhatching.jpeg >buy some hair extensions >make a fake Instagram post pictures of me in bikinis and s--- like that >chad obviously follows the account >start texting with him >eventually it leads to sexting >a few weeks pass > he wants to meet up and f--- >go to place he wants to meet up but before I go I tape c--- and balls to my stomach >when he gets there I say I just wanna do a--- because I don't want to get pregnant >f----- reluctantly agrees >pull my pants down and make sure he only sees my back >gives me the f------ of my life >he and I both c-- buckets >after we finish I reveal myself to him >laugh and call him f----- >f----- doesn't believe what he sees >completely frozen with look of defeat on his face >steal his wallet and car keys >go on a joy ride with his car >crash into pole >leave his wallet but take the cash Feel like I finally beat him. Did I do good /b/ros?
>be me >bisexual retard >chad always bullies me for being retarded >doesn't know I'm bisexual >chad also said I look like a girl >he said if I had longer hair he'd probably 45 KB JPG f--- me >evilplanhatching.jpeg >buy some hair extensions >make a fake Instagram post pictures of me in bikinis and s--- like that >chad obviously follows the account >start texting with him >eventually it leads to sexting >a few weeks pass > he wants to meet up and f--- >go to place he wants to meet up but before I go I tape c--- and balls to my stomach >when he gets there I say I just wanna do a--- because I don't want to get pregnant >f----- reluctantly agrees >pull my pants down and make sure he only sees my back >gives me the f------ of my life >he and I both c-- buckets >after we finish I reveal myself to him >laugh and call him f----- >f----- doesn't believe what he sees >completely frozen with look of defeat on his face >steal his wallet and car keys >go on a joy ride with his car >crash into pole >leave his wallet but take the cash Feel like I finally beat him. Did I do good /b/ros?

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Anon have a fetish | /r/Greentext

when did you realize you were and autist? No.469326487 44 minutes ago 6ba53ad689dc981b356bf760beae30bb.png PNG 727.6 KiB 1721x859 >have huge foot fetish >mod Skyrim with foot fetish mod for years and use it to j------- >pic related >never even beaten the game >buy VR recently >Skyrim VR feels super immersive >lightbulb ding.jpg >mfw the feet mod works with Skyrim VR >add it >go to j------- to female feet >l can't >l feel too embarrassed >l'm physically crouching to get close to the feet, which the game interprets as sneaking >hear NPC who detects me say something like WHAT DO YOU THINK YOURE DOING? >rip off my headset >sad nap for 6 hours >write this mfw I will never be able to get a GF
when did you realize you were and autist? No.469326487 44 minutes ago 6ba53ad689dc981b356bf760beae30bb.png PNG 727.6 KiB 1721x859 >have huge foot fetish >mod Skyrim with foot fetish mod for years and use it to j------- >pic related >never even beaten the game >buy VR recently >Skyrim VR feels super immersive >lightbulb ding.jpg >mfw the feet mod works with Skyrim VR >add it >go to j------- to female feet >l can't >l feel too embarrassed >l'm physically crouching to get close to the feet, which the game interprets as sneaking >hear NPC who detects me say something like WHAT DO YOU THINK YOURE DOING? >rip off my headset >sad nap for 6 hours >write this mfw I will never be able to get a GF

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Anon Almost Makes It | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/15/21(Thu)18:38:42 No.64585241 just bake me into a f------ pie already IcOkymu1pnc31.png 351 KB PNG >she asked about my hobbies Oh no...
: Anonymous 07/15/21(Thu)18:38:42 No.64585241 just bake me into a f------ pie already IcOkymu1pnc31.png 351 KB PNG >she asked about my hobbies Oh no...

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Anon’s call-to-action | /r/Greentext

>me >boomer grandpa watching news >story about random normie dying from covid >"family in shock" >"he was young and healthy, in the prime of his life" 382 KB JPG >jump cut to >jabbathehutt.jpg >"big" is literally used in front of his first name >normie found out he got covid after going to the ER for a sunburn >normie goes home >pneumoniawheez.mp4 >normie goes to the ICU >dies >my boomer grandpa "no s--- what do you think happens when a fat f--- gets covid" Anons, even my boomer grandpa isn't full retard, go get the vaccine
>me >boomer grandpa watching news >story about random normie dying from covid >"family in shock" >"he was young and healthy, in the prime of his life" 382 KB JPG >jump cut to >jabbathehutt.jpg >"big" is literally used in front of his first name >normie found out he got covid after going to the ER for a sunburn >normie goes home >pneumoniawheez.mp4 >normie goes to the ICU >dies >my boomer grandpa "no s--- what do you think happens when a fat f--- gets covid" Anons, even my boomer grandpa isn't full retard, go get the vaccine

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Anon listens to Joe Rogan | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/03/21(Tue)13:32:23 No.860270115 > leans in closer to mic > "Hey man, I was doing some Bolivian marching powder enemas in my ice bath while researching Ron Reagan recently, and I think I figured out the reason why he was such a f------ prick as governor of Califomia and President. Jamie, pull up the pictures" > "He was just an actor before, right?" > "He was, but the turning point was in 1951 with a role in 'Bedtime for Bonzo' where he acted with a chimp. Look at his pants before 1951, and after 1951." > "I'm not seeing it Joe" > "Dude how can you not. His package is f------ gone. That chimp totally ripped off his d---."
Anonymous 08/03/21(Tue)13:32:23 No.860270115 > leans in closer to mic > "Hey man, I was doing some Bolivian marching powder enemas in my ice bath while researching Ron Reagan recently, and I think I figured out the reason why he was such a f------ prick as governor of Califomia and President. Jamie, pull up the pictures" > "He was just an actor before, right?" > "He was, but the turning point was in 1951 with a role in 'Bedtime for Bonzo' where he acted with a chimp. Look at his pants before 1951, and after 1951." > "I'm not seeing it Joe" > "Dude how can you not. His package is f------ gone. That chimp totally ripped off his d---."

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2018 Greentext Projecting on 2019... Glad Anon Wasn't Right... or... Was He? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: WW503DHF ) * 02/21/18(Wed)21:07:20 No.16142413C >be American high school student >2019 >multiple school shootings a day >every teacher is now armed >veterans patrol the halls on mobility scooters with built in mini-guns >in Algebra 2 >teacher is handing out the quiz, her full body armor jostling around >reach into my backpack to take out my calculator >her M16 is already trained on me >"ANON DON'T F------ MOVE" >"I-I need my calculator" >"THIS IS A NO CALCULATOR QUIZ WHAT THE F--- ARE YOU REACHING FOR" >"I-I thought we could use calculators" >"YOU THOUGHT WRONG" >tense pause >she lowers her weapon >school shooter takes this opportunity to snipe her from the back of the class >her blood and brains splatters all over my face >second school shooter wheels around in the front with a shotgun, takes aim at the first shooter because he doesn't want to share the headlines >try to run for the door >veteran mobility scooter unit flies in and tears me to shreds firing 6k rounds a minute >die happy knowing that l'm still freer than Europoors >family gets charged 10 mil for my medical expenses (plus tip)
: Anonymous (ID: WW503DHF ) * 02/21/18(Wed)21:07:20 No.16142413C >be American high school student >2019 >multiple school shootings a day >every teacher is now armed >veterans patrol the halls on mobility scooters with built in mini-guns >in Algebra 2 >teacher is handing out the quiz, her full body armor jostling around >reach into my backpack to take out my calculator >her M16 is already trained on me >"ANON DON'T F------ MOVE" >"I-I need my calculator" >"THIS IS A NO CALCULATOR QUIZ WHAT THE F--- ARE YOU REACHING FOR" >"I-I thought we could use calculators" >"YOU THOUGHT WRONG" >tense pause >she lowers her weapon >school shooter takes this opportunity to snipe her from the back of the class >her blood and brains splatters all over my face >second school shooter wheels around in the front with a shotgun, takes aim at the first shooter because he doesn't want to share the headlines >try to run for the door >veteran mobility scooter unit flies in and tears me to shreds firing 6k rounds a minute >die happy knowing that l'm still freer than Europoors >family gets charged 10 mil for my medical expenses (plus tip)

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Anon invites girl for Netflix | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/03/21 (Wed)18:51:06 No.848750292 >be me >Invites girl over for Netflix >There was no Netflix, I lied. >She thinks I wanted to f---, lol no >l wanted to actually talk about Skyrim lore >She's actually interested (what. the. 1005 KB PNG f---. no. way.) >We talk for 3-4 hours >She later says she's pro-stormcloak (red flag but ok.) >She says Nords are her favorite race (gross, not Breton-pilled) >She says Thieves Guild is the best questline in the game (ok your pressing buttons now) >Ends with saying that she didn't wife Ysolda (ok you're a f------ c---) >Throw her out in -20 snow >drunk >No ride home >glory to the empire
: Anonymous 03/03/21 (Wed)18:51:06 No.848750292 >be me >Invites girl over for Netflix >There was no Netflix, I lied. >She thinks I wanted to f---, lol no >l wanted to actually talk about Skyrim lore >She's actually interested (what. the. 1005 KB PNG f---. no. way.) >We talk for 3-4 hours >She later says she's pro-stormcloak (red flag but ok.) >She says Nords are her favorite race (gross, not Breton-pilled) >She says Thieves Guild is the best questline in the game (ok your pressing buttons now) >Ends with saying that she didn't wife Ysolda (ok you're a f------ c---) >Throw her out in -20 snow >drunk >No ride home >glory to the empire

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Bong uncovers the conspiracy | /r/Greentext

File: workers.jpg (49 KB, 590x350) EY A Anonymous (ID: RibzuGUk ) 08/03/21(Tue)12:51:54 No.332622187 >>332622311 >road dug up and traffic backlogged > see these guys stood around doing nothing >??? >2 years later the road is magically "fixed" Do you guys really fall for this?
File: workers.jpg (49 KB, 590x350) EY A Anonymous (ID: RibzuGUk ) 08/03/21(Tue)12:51:54 No.332622187 >>332622311 >road dug up and traffic backlogged > see these guys stood around doing nothing >??? >2 years later the road is magically "fixed" Do you guys really fall for this?

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Anon living a paradox | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/03/21(Tue)16:47:25 No.64818372 >be me >fatherless, he was murdered when i was a kid, at exactly midnight in front of our home >they never discovered who did it >go back in time to stop the 62 KB JPG murderer >hide in front of my home one hour before midnight >dont see anyone coming, start getting nervous >almost at midnight i see a guy approach the house's door >there is no time, only mere seconds before the murder >no one else is here, this guy must be the killer >i jump out and shoot >looking closer i realize i killed my father >mfw its midnight >mfw i was the murderer all along >mfw you cant change fate
: Anonymous 08/03/21(Tue)16:47:25 No.64818372 >be me >fatherless, he was murdered when i was a kid, at exactly midnight in front of our home >they never discovered who did it >go back in time to stop the 62 KB JPG murderer >hide in front of my home one hour before midnight >dont see anyone coming, start getting nervous >almost at midnight i see a guy approach the house's door >there is no time, only mere seconds before the murder >no one else is here, this guy must be the killer >i jump out and shoot >looking closer i realize i killed my father >mfw its midnight >mfw i was the murderer all along >mfw you cant change fate

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Anon changes a password | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/03/21(Tue)00:03:21 No.860208691 >be me >make twitter account so i can catch up with my fav content creators >make account >wanna change @ >look up how to >goto thing >"Enter password to continue" 6 KB PNG >enters password >password incorrect >w--.png >enters password >password incorrect >enters password >password incorrect >goto change password >"New password cannot be same as current password" Are you f------ serious
: Anonymous 08/03/21(Tue)00:03:21 No.860208691 >be me >make twitter account so i can catch up with my fav content creators >make account >wanna change @ >look up how to >goto thing >"Enter password to continue" 6 KB PNG >enters password >password incorrect >w--.png >enters password >password incorrect >enters password >password incorrect >goto change password >"New password cannot be same as current password" Are you f------ serious

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Anon is old | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/02/21(Mon)22:16:48 No.860224081 66FC9071-E07E-4E4E-B578-5DF1AB829ADA.jpg 119 KB JPG >be me a teenager >people always say I have boring old people hobbies >don't let it get to me >on Reddit >see notification >get recommended subreddit "dating over 60" >mfw
: Anonymous 08/02/21(Mon)22:16:48 No.860224081 66FC9071-E07E-4E4E-B578-5DF1AB829ADA.jpg 119 KB JPG >be me a teenager >people always say I have boring old people hobbies >don't let it get to me >on Reddit >see notification >get recommended subreddit "dating over 60" >mfw

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Anon eats his boogers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/28/19(Sun)00:26:50 No.798407588 >nom nom >crunch >gullppp >nom nom nom nom >crunch crunch 7 KB JPG >gulp >nom nom nom >gulp 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 04/28/19(Sun)00:43:51 No.798408721 Can I get some? 78 KB PNG
: Anonymous 04/28/19(Sun)00:26:50 No.798407588 >nom nom >crunch >gullppp >nom nom nom nom >crunch crunch 7 KB JPG >gulp >nom nom nom >gulp 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 04/28/19(Sun)00:43:51 No.798408721 Can I get some? 78 KB PNG

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See u later virgins | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/31/18(Thu)14:10:35 No.45794990 >be me >somebody makes fun of me >girl laughs at me >this means she was thinking of me >in other terms my image was in her brain for a short while 6 KB JPG >l've basically been inside her See you later, virgins 2 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 05/31/18(Thu)14:10:35 No.45794990 >be me >somebody makes fun of me >girl laughs at me >this means she was thinking of me >in other terms my image was in her brain for a short while 6 KB JPG >l've basically been inside her See you later, virgins 2 Replies View Thread

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Anon loses his mind because of loneliness | /r/Greentext


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Anon has bad knees | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/22/19(Sun)01:06:31 No.810104976 >be me >play high school football >starting tight end >offseason junior year >dislocatedkneecap.jpg >out 6 months 51 KB JPG >work to come back stronger >come back senior year >dislocate other kneecap >mfw Whats wrong with my knees? : Anonymous 09/22/19(Sun)01:07:12 No.810105014 >>810104976 (OP) # > Whats wrong with my knees? You spend too much time on them sucking d---.
: Anonymous 09/22/19(Sun)01:06:31 No.810104976 >be me >play high school football >starting tight end >offseason junior year >dislocatedkneecap.jpg >out 6 months 51 KB JPG >work to come back stronger >come back senior year >dislocate other kneecap >mfw Whats wrong with my knees? : Anonymous 09/22/19(Sun)01:07:12 No.810105014 >>810104976 (OP) # > Whats wrong with my knees? You spend too much time on them sucking d---.

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Anon loses his motivation | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: 7000NE3C File: k2ci2w3af8t61.jpg (231 KB, 1024x1024) 08/02/21(Mon)18:41:53 No.332574206 ► > be me > manlet > weak chin > go to motivational seminar > leader goes around the room > each of you tell us your goals > hear some good goals > people clap supportively > gets to me > l'd like to have a wife... > room breaks out in laughter > ... and own my own company > uproarious laughter > leader says "anon, I'm not sure I can help you" > suddenly pity sounds mfw I paid hundreds of dollars for this s---
Anonymous (ID: 7000NE3C File: k2ci2w3af8t61.jpg (231 KB, 1024x1024) 08/02/21(Mon)18:41:53 No.332574206 ► > be me > manlet > weak chin > go to motivational seminar > leader goes around the room > each of you tell us your goals > hear some good goals > people clap supportively > gets to me > l'd like to have a wife... > room breaks out in laughter > ... and own my own company > uproarious laughter > leader says "anon, I'm not sure I can help you" > suddenly pity sounds mfw I paid hundreds of dollars for this s---

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