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anon is confused | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/29/21(Thu)17:31:48 No.64754499 >dad asks me to bring him a knife >bring him a melon instead I have no idea how that happened 201 KB PNG 50 Replies / 30 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 07/29/21(Thu)17:31:48 No.64754499 >dad asks me to bring him a knife >bring him a melon instead I have no idea how that happened 201 KB PNG 50 Replies / 30 Images View Thread

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It Adds Flavor | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/26/21(Mon)16:26:00 No.64724365 >people that don't wipe their ass go into public pools 95 KB JPG
: Anonymous 07/26/21(Mon)16:26:00 No.64724365 >people that don't wipe their ass go into public pools 95 KB JPG

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Anon questions anal sex | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/29/21(Thu)20:10:37 No.64756215 >>64753747 # >man likes woman >woman reciprocates and initiates sexual contact >man has to stick his hard penis in one of two holes > #1 a p---- hole shaped by millions of years of evolution to take his d--- and bear his children > #2 a butthole shaped by millions of years of evolution to s--- out turds >man chooses #2
: Anonymous 07/29/21(Thu)20:10:37 No.64756215 >>64753747 # >man likes woman >woman reciprocates and initiates sexual contact >man has to stick his hard penis in one of two holes > #1 a p---- hole shaped by millions of years of evolution to take his d--- and bear his children > #2 a butthole shaped by millions of years of evolution to s--- out turds >man chooses #2

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Soft focus | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/28/21(Wed)02:10:57 No.64739987 >trying to learn amateur photography >so depressed I have to take a break every 5 seconds to lay down it's so exhausting 88 KB PNG anyone else like this? I need Adderall or somethin.
: Anonymous 07/28/21(Wed)02:10:57 No.64739987 >trying to learn amateur photography >so depressed I have to take a break every 5 seconds to lay down it's so exhausting 88 KB PNG anyone else like this? I need Adderall or somethin.

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This is Cursed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/24/21(Sat)07:45:13 No.6979008 1d8.jpg 291 KB JPG >HOLY CRAP Lois >It's Pekora Usada T
: Anonymous 07/24/21(Sat)07:45:13 No.6979008 1d8.jpg 291 KB JPG >HOLY CRAP Lois >It's Pekora Usada T

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Anon trolls HR | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Autistic Workmates 07/29/21(Thu)12:20:02 No.64753069 Autistic s--- you did at work Thread >huge gamer >have a workmate called Amir >also huge gamer >also autist 88 KB PNG >obviously we befriend eachother within 1 week >basicly best friends >we decide to prank our non gamer colleagues >Act and speak like NPCS from different Games when we meet >literally word by word random Oblivion chatter >literally asked him if he went to the sky district often >last week >working normally >Amir is like 3 desks near me >suddenly a huge bang is heard >probably just a plane >Amir: "By the gods, is that the voice?!" >Me: "Dragonborn" >we both break out laughing >had to explain to 3 HR ladies what we are doing >1 is laughing her t--- of, the other 2 get angry and tell us to grow up
: Anonymous Autistic Workmates 07/29/21(Thu)12:20:02 No.64753069 Autistic s--- you did at work Thread >huge gamer >have a workmate called Amir >also huge gamer >also autist 88 KB PNG >obviously we befriend eachother within 1 week >basicly best friends >we decide to prank our non gamer colleagues >Act and speak like NPCS from different Games when we meet >literally word by word random Oblivion chatter >literally asked him if he went to the sky district often >last week >working normally >Amir is like 3 desks near me >suddenly a huge bang is heard >probably just a plane >Amir: "By the gods, is that the voice?!" >Me: "Dragonborn" >we both break out laughing >had to explain to 3 HR ladies what we are doing >1 is laughing her t--- of, the other 2 get angry and tell us to grow up

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Spice trade | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/28/21(Wed)23:11:57 No.64750417 >>64749086 (OP)_# >Be me >25, severe social anxiety mixed with panic disorder and OCD have gotten so bad that I've become a NEET who almost 74 KB JPG fainted on the phone during his last interview >Decide I need to change, quite literally can't live life like this, it's not worth it and straight up painful >Started going on Omegle this week every day for half an hour to face fears >Encountered qt genuinely attractive brown girl a few hours ago, anxiety spiked through the roof to almost panic levels, sheepishly said "Hey" expecting her to leave >She didn't >She's my age from Malaysia, we ended up talking for like half an hour, felt anxiety slowly start to subside after about 15 minutes >My house phone started to ring, said I have to go but asked her if she had Instagram, she said no but gave me her snapchat instead I'm starting to believe bros
: Anonymous 07/28/21(Wed)23:11:57 No.64750417 >>64749086 (OP)_# >Be me >25, severe social anxiety mixed with panic disorder and OCD have gotten so bad that I've become a NEET who almost 74 KB JPG fainted on the phone during his last interview >Decide I need to change, quite literally can't live life like this, it's not worth it and straight up painful >Started going on Omegle this week every day for half an hour to face fears >Encountered qt genuinely attractive brown girl a few hours ago, anxiety spiked through the roof to almost panic levels, sheepishly said "Hey" expecting her to leave >She didn't >She's my age from Malaysia, we ended up talking for like half an hour, felt anxiety slowly start to subside after about 15 minutes >My house phone started to ring, said I have to go but asked her if she had Instagram, she said no but gave me her snapchat instead I'm starting to believe bros

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No pain, no gain | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/28/21(Wed)22:25:36 No.64750054 >>64749939 (OP) # Oh I got one for this. >be me, virgin, recently recovered fatass high schooler >about age 16 >in some retarded Computer class sat next to an ugly girl. thin and short but face is probably bout 4/10 >i tell her about autistic s--- like my favorite power metal bands, she likes WHEN I WAS >work on mspaint pixel arts in class together and so on, cute gay mutual-crush bonding experiences >we talk in the retarded virginal way about sex stuff, flirting as i now understand it >to include some minor fetishry, light bondage and spanking and so on >eventually even i am not stupid enough to miss these signs of interest >i am however stupid enough to proposition her, word for word, asking if she would "be down for crazy pain sex" with me >she digs deep and tells me she has a boyfriend (not true) >worst part of this is that i f------ know some of the other dudes in class could hear that s--- and somewhere get drunk and tell the story about the retard in high school who asked a girl for pain sex in computer class
: Anonymous 07/28/21(Wed)22:25:36 No.64750054 >>64749939 (OP) # Oh I got one for this. >be me, virgin, recently recovered fatass high schooler >about age 16 >in some retarded Computer class sat next to an ugly girl. thin and short but face is probably bout 4/10 >i tell her about autistic s--- like my favorite power metal bands, she likes WHEN I WAS >work on mspaint pixel arts in class together and so on, cute gay mutual-crush bonding experiences >we talk in the retarded virginal way about sex stuff, flirting as i now understand it >to include some minor fetishry, light bondage and spanking and so on >eventually even i am not stupid enough to miss these signs of interest >i am however stupid enough to proposition her, word for word, asking if she would "be down for crazy pain sex" with me >she digs deep and tells me she has a boyfriend (not true) >worst part of this is that i f------ know some of the other dudes in class could hear that s--- and somewhere get drunk and tell the story about the retard in high school who asked a girl for pain sex in computer class

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Anon is a sex offender | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/28/21(Wed)15:01:33 No.64745530 >live in New York >taking the subway >morning rush hour so very crowded >notice cute girl standing next to me 25 KB JPG >has a very nice ass >want to touch it but don't want to go to jail >train gets more crowded at next stop >think of a plan >position my hand next to my thigh at ass-level >next stop more people push their way in >I get pushed up against her >my hand is pressed up into her ass crack >pretend like I don't notice >Packed like sardines in train so nobody notices >more people come in >i get pushed in even closer >hand is so far in her ass crack I can feel her warmth >train jerks and moves around >pretty much hand f------ her ass hole at this point >leave hand in her ass for the 20 minute ride until people start getting out >rush to nearest bathroom and j------- furiously while smelling my hand >it's still warm >smells like perfume
Anonymous 07/28/21(Wed)15:01:33 No.64745530 >live in New York >taking the subway >morning rush hour so very crowded >notice cute girl standing next to me 25 KB JPG >has a very nice ass >want to touch it but don't want to go to jail >train gets more crowded at next stop >think of a plan >position my hand next to my thigh at ass-level >next stop more people push their way in >I get pushed up against her >my hand is pressed up into her ass crack >pretend like I don't notice >Packed like sardines in train so nobody notices >more people come in >i get pushed in even closer >hand is so far in her ass crack I can feel her warmth >train jerks and moves around >pretty much hand f------ her ass hole at this point >leave hand in her ass for the 20 minute ride until people start getting out >rush to nearest bathroom and j------- furiously while smelling my hand >it's still warm >smells like perfume

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Anon is a gamer | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11/01/18(Thu)19:16:10 No.232987869 File: 1533243763581.png (270 KB, 1310x1226) >>232988152 >>232988197 >>232988387 >>232990281 >want to make conversation with my waifu Mary Beth >"Hi der Mary Beth" >"Hello Arthur" >say whatever >"That's nice Arthur" >"Okay talk later..." >"Okay Arthur" >walk away feeling awkward >Kieran walks up and sits down next to her >He has a whole conversation with her and makes her laugh as they tease each other and flirt >l'm sitting in my tent and hear the whole thing What the f--- it's just like real life.
Anonymous 11/01/18(Thu)19:16:10 No.232987869 File: 1533243763581.png (270 KB, 1310x1226) >>232988152 >>232988197 >>232988387 >>232990281 >want to make conversation with my waifu Mary Beth >"Hi der Mary Beth" >"Hello Arthur" >say whatever >"That's nice Arthur" >"Okay talk later..." >"Okay Arthur" >walk away feeling awkward >Kieran walks up and sits down next to her >He has a whole conversation with her and makes her laugh as they tease each other and flirt >l'm sitting in my tent and hear the whole thing What the f--- it's just like real life.

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Major cop-out | /r/Greentext

File: 1627546359931.jpg (80 KB, 900x985) O Anonymous 07/29/21(Thu)04:45:31 No.64752861 [Reply] >>64753604 >>64753661 >>64754698 >movie night with friends >friend gets into argument with his gf >they leave >awkward silence >'Should we call the cops?' >'What?" >'What if he hits her? It is better safe than sorry right?" >takes me great effort to talk them out of it >'Okay anon but if she is hurt we will tell her it was your fault and we wanted to call the police' >guy is someone we knew since elementary school and the girl was just some bitch they saw the first time today What the actual f--- is wrong with modern men?
File: 1627546359931.jpg (80 KB, 900x985) O Anonymous 07/29/21(Thu)04:45:31 No.64752861 [Reply] >>64753604 >>64753661 >>64754698 >movie night with friends >friend gets into argument with his gf >they leave >awkward silence >'Should we call the cops?' >'What?" >'What if he hits her? It is better safe than sorry right?" >takes me great effort to talk them out of it >'Okay anon but if she is hurt we will tell her it was your fault and we wanted to call the police' >guy is someone we knew since elementary school and the girl was just some bitch they saw the first time today What the actual f--- is wrong with modern men?

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Anon is a Ranger | /r/Greentext

>be me >arizona ranger >chief tells me to go some s------- town to get a guy called Texas Red >f-----.png >have heard from the guy before, he killed at least 20 men 16 KB JPG >s--- my pants twice on the way there >get there >the townsfolk keep looking at me weird >they keep looking at my huge revolver thats obviously not overcompensating for anything >try to do something and announce that im here to get Texas Red >i hear them laughing behind my back >finally the man appears >what the f--- he's like barely 24, but he dosent look worried at all >he challenges me to a duel >i feel s--- running down my leg >the time comes >townsfolk assume im already dead >fire early out of pure fear >h-------- he's dead
>be me >arizona ranger >chief tells me to go some s------- town to get a guy called Texas Red >f-----.png >have heard from the guy before, he killed at least 20 men 16 KB JPG >s--- my pants twice on the way there >get there >the townsfolk keep looking at me weird >they keep looking at my huge revolver thats obviously not overcompensating for anything >try to do something and announce that im here to get Texas Red >i hear them laughing behind my back >finally the man appears >what the f--- he's like barely 24, but he dosent look worried at all >he challenges me to a duel >i feel s--- running down my leg >the time comes >townsfolk assume im already dead >fire early out of pure fear >h-------- he's dead

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Anon figures out how to be Chad | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/19/21(Mon)23:30:12 No.62652728 File: 1611175537353.jpg (75 KB, 620x675) >>62652902 >attach chad picture with my f----- posts >therefore I am chad >hehehe
Anonymous 07/19/21(Mon)23:30:12 No.62652728 File: 1611175537353.jpg (75 KB, 620x675) >>62652902 >attach chad picture with my f----- posts >therefore I am chad >hehehe

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Anon moves to the wrong neighborhood | /r/Greentext

File: please_do_not_do_that.jpg (8 KB, 202x200) O Anonymous 12/26/15(Sat)17:50:59 No.25266644 Times you witnessed a killing /r9k/? 'll start >moving into a new house >might as well go to meet the neighbours >hope they're not complete assholes >go to the house next door Please do not do that >it's a friendly old man >he sounds German and a little bit Irish >he motions me to come in >l do that, and don't worry much >we get to talking >his name is Hans O'Renn >he's been through a lot of s--- >but he faces every day with a smile >he mentions that he has one son >hasn't seen him in years >last thing he heard, he's involved with gangs >we talk some more and then I leave to talk to the others >the next day >l see a lot of shady looking people pass in front of my house >looks like they're going to see Hans >pretty suspicious >they give him a knock at the door >he lets them in >I listen through the wall our two houses share >"look, son, I haven't done anything to displease you have 1?" >"nah, but ya have to go" >l immediately go out and look through his front window >gang members stepping up to beat him to death >ohshit.jpg >"don't worry boys, 'l handle this" >"but Kyle." says one of them >so that's his name >"seriously, I'll do it" >Kyle takes a baseball bat >the rest is muffled screams and beatings and the sound of death >it's incredibly disturbing >I have to step back because it's so horrifying to watch >tfw Kyle O'Renn kills his father, Hans, solo
File: please_do_not_do_that.jpg (8 KB, 202x200) O Anonymous 12/26/15(Sat)17:50:59 No.25266644 Times you witnessed a killing /r9k/? 'll start >moving into a new house >might as well go to meet the neighbours >hope they're not complete assholes >go to the house next door Please do not do that >it's a friendly old man >he sounds German and a little bit Irish >he motions me to come in >l do that, and don't worry much >we get to talking >his name is Hans O'Renn >he's been through a lot of s--- >but he faces every day with a smile >he mentions that he has one son >hasn't seen him in years >last thing he heard, he's involved with gangs >we talk some more and then I leave to talk to the others >the next day >l see a lot of shady looking people pass in front of my house >looks like they're going to see Hans >pretty suspicious >they give him a knock at the door >he lets them in >I listen through the wall our two houses share >"look, son, I haven't done anything to displease you have 1?" >"nah, but ya have to go" >l immediately go out and look through his front window >gang members stepping up to beat him to death >ohshit.jpg >"don't worry boys, 'l handle this" >"but Kyle." says one of them >so that's his name >"seriously, I'll do it" >Kyle takes a baseball bat >the rest is muffled screams and beatings and the sound of death >it's incredibly disturbing >I have to step back because it's so horrifying to watch >tfw Kyle O'Renn kills his father, Hans, solo

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Compliments to the Chef | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/28/21(Wed)18:51:49 No.64748038 I was just threatened to be called the cops on for praising a girl's food >be me >live by myself in a block of flats >can't cook so eat junk food everyday >this 24, 25yo moves next door 6 KB JPG >her food smells DELICIOUS and takes over the entire corridor >eventually I saw her in the elevator and say her food smells really good | >thanks.teehee >next day her food is smelling great again >knock on her door and ask if she could cook for me and I pay her every week >she says she has no time >l say it's the same food she eats, just an extra amount >she gets angry and kinda tells me to f--- off >3 days later I see her in the elevator again >doesn't look at my face >l approach her with the same offer, but she yells at me that she'll call the police if I don't leave her alone what the F--- did I do wrong? I wasn't asking for free food, she would've be paid and it was just a bigger amount of food, for f---- sake
: Anonymous 07/28/21(Wed)18:51:49 No.64748038 I was just threatened to be called the cops on for praising a girl's food >be me >live by myself in a block of flats >can't cook so eat junk food everyday >this 24, 25yo moves next door 6 KB JPG >her food smells DELICIOUS and takes over the entire corridor >eventually I saw her in the elevator and say her food smells really good | >thanks.teehee >next day her food is smelling great again >knock on her door and ask if she could cook for me and I pay her every week >she says she has no time >l say it's the same food she eats, just an extra amount >she gets angry and kinda tells me to f--- off >3 days later I see her in the elevator again >doesn't look at my face >l approach her with the same offer, but she yells at me that she'll call the police if I don't leave her alone what the F--- did I do wrong? I wasn't asking for free food, she would've be paid and it was just a bigger amount of food, for f---- sake

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Anon discovers the cure | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/25/20(Sun)21:47:13 No.838633423 >be me >have severe constipation >go to store >lick every surface people have been touching >get the flu >get diarrhea >constipation gone 175 KB PNG
: Anonymous 10/25/20(Sun)21:47:13 No.838633423 >be me >have severe constipation >go to store >lick every surface people have been touching >get the flu >get diarrhea >constipation gone 175 KB PNG

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Anon has an addiction | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/30/18(Sun)13:23:21 No.781184865 >Be me >Live in China >Have a birthday cake addiction >Go to store every week to buy cake >Cashiers start to recognise me >One cashier eventually questions 7 KB JPG why I keep buying birthday cake >Tell him I have lots of kids and they all have birthdays around the same time >Cashier gives me funny look >Confused.jpg >Mfw the one child policy |
: Anonymous 09/30/18(Sun)13:23:21 No.781184865 >Be me >Live in China >Have a birthday cake addiction >Go to store every week to buy cake >Cashiers start to recognise me >One cashier eventually questions 7 KB JPG why I keep buying birthday cake >Tell him I have lots of kids and they all have birthdays around the same time >Cashier gives me funny look >Confused.jpg >Mfw the one child policy |

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Anon is retarded | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/29/21(Thu)12:34:43 No.859899343 >be me >borderline alcoholic >try not drink anymore >manage 5 days without alcohol >feels good man >wanna reward myself >reward myself with a drink 29 KB JPG I'm retarded
: Anonymous 07/29/21(Thu)12:34:43 No.859899343 >be me >borderline alcoholic >try not drink anymore >manage 5 days without alcohol >feels good man >wanna reward myself >reward myself with a drink 29 KB JPG I'm retarded

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Some men just want to watch the world burn | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Movie idea 07/29/21(Thu)13:47:06 No.154240634 >aliens come to earth >tell humanity that it must choose one of its races to be eliminated before they share their knowledge and tech >a worldwide anonymous poll is held where you just have to think of which race to get rid of (none is 20 KB JPG an option as well) >plot twist: as the poll ends everyone who voted for a certain race gets a corresponding symbol tattooed on their face >aliens instantly leave without purging anyone or saying a word >chaos ensues
: Anonymous Movie idea 07/29/21(Thu)13:47:06 No.154240634 >aliens come to earth >tell humanity that it must choose one of its races to be eliminated before they share their knowledge and tech >a worldwide anonymous poll is held where you just have to think of which race to get rid of (none is 20 KB JPG an option as well) >plot twist: as the poll ends everyone who voted for a certain race gets a corresponding symbol tattooed on their face >aliens instantly leave without purging anyone or saying a word >chaos ensues

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Little Women | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/28/21(Wed)15:44:04 No.64745970 Stats • Page impressions per month: 500,000,000+ • Unique visitors per month: 20,000,000+ • Posts per day: 900,000-1,000,000 Demographic • Age: 18-34 • Gender: -70% male, -30% female • Location: United States (47%), United Kingdom (7%), Canada (6%), Australia (4%), Germany (4%) file.png 6 KB PNG >20 million unique visitors per month >670 thousand per day >30% are female >47% in the US >94,000 18-34 year old American women visit 4chan daily ?????????????? where the f--- are they
: Anonymous 07/28/21(Wed)15:44:04 No.64745970 Stats • Page impressions per month: 500,000,000+ • Unique visitors per month: 20,000,000+ • Posts per day: 900,000-1,000,000 Demographic • Age: 18-34 • Gender: -70% male, -30% female • Location: United States (47%), United Kingdom (7%), Canada (6%), Australia (4%), Germany (4%) file.png 6 KB PNG >20 million unique visitors per month >670 thousand per day >30% are female >47% in the US >94,000 18-34 year old American women visit 4chan daily ?????????????? where the f--- are they

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