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Anon can't unlock the door | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Ultra retarded stories thread 01/22/19(Tue)14:13:58 No.50566080 >be me lat week >arrive home from school >can't unlock the f------ door >after few tries I called dad >he says he isn't home so maybe the door handle froze 61 KB JPG >talk with him for a couple minutes >realize I was turning the key in the wrong f------ direction >mfw

: Anonymous Ultra retarded stories thread 01/22/19(Tue)14:13:58 No.50566080 >be me lat week >arrive home from school >can't unlock the f------ door >after few tries I called dad >he says he isn't home so maybe the door handle froze 61 KB JPG >talk with him for a couple minutes >realize I was turning the key in the wrong f------ direction >mfw

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Anon is a gentleman | /r/Greentext

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The Wishing Well | /r/Greentext

File: 124.png (210 KB, 491x483) family wants my bitcoin Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)11:20:31 No.64604904 [Reply] >>64604928 >>64604931 >>64604946 >>64604952 >be me >27 >found out about bitcoin in 2014 >been buying as much as al can since then >had just over 130 btc >sold the top in 2017 and rebought when it was 4k in 2019 >familly got mad at me for buying in, says I should have cashed out and l'd be a millionaire blah blah etc >fast forward to 2021 >now have 490 bitcoins, most from selling the top in 2017 and rebuying in 2019 >held till 2021 because I know thats when the next halving is >bitcoin goes to 60k, sell at 40k and now have 18 million dollars. >family begs for some of the money >say i'll give them 2mil because I care about them, no more because I took this risk and they didn't want me to. >they get mad, say each member of the family should split it equally >wtfno.jpg >tell them they should be thankful I gave them anything when this isn't even their money in the first place >now have poor relations with them, don't meet with them frequently and when I do they can't go 5 seconds without bringing up my money >they say i'm greedy and i'll blow it all blah blah blah Am I in the wrong here? Will they get over this eventually?

File: 124.png (210 KB, 491x483) family wants my bitcoin Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)11:20:31 No.64604904 [Reply] >>64604928 >>64604931 >>64604946 >>64604952 >be me >27 >found out about bitcoin in 2014 >been buying as much as al can since then >had just over 130 btc >sold the top in 2017 and rebought when it was 4k in 2019 >familly got mad at me for buying in, says I should have cashed out and l'd be a millionaire blah blah etc >fast forward to 2021 >now have 490 bitcoins, most from selling the top in 2017 and rebuying in 2019 >held till 2021 because I know thats when the next halving is >bitcoin goes to 60k, sell at 40k and now have 18 million dollars. >family begs for some of the money >say i'll give them 2mil because I care about them, no more because I took this risk and they didn't want me to. >they get mad, say each member of the family should split it equally >wtfno.jpg >tell them they should be thankful I gave them anything when this isn't even their money in the first place >now have poor relations with them, don't meet with them frequently and when I do they can't go 5 seconds without bringing up my money >they say i'm greedy and i'll blow it all blah blah blah Am I in the wrong here? Will they get over this eventually?

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Anon is white | /r/Greentext

23m (7/17 20:27) · 859159177 3 Re · 0 Img · PNG 593KB · (860 × 888) 2 Replies >be me >wake up >average day >realize im not black, a woman, or British >day improves 14m (7/17 20:35) · 859159399 >>859159177 (OP) Sounds like some pretty low standards. 10m (7/17 20:39) · 859159490 >>859159177 (OP) I wouldn't mind waking up black, or a women, but thank God I'm not British

23m (7/17 20:27) · 859159177 3 Re · 0 Img · PNG 593KB · (860 × 888) 2 Replies >be me >wake up >average day >realize im not black, a woman, or British >day improves 14m (7/17 20:35) · 859159399 >>859159177 (OP) Sounds like some pretty low standards. 10m (7/17 20:39) · 859159490 >>859159177 (OP) I wouldn't mind waking up black, or a women, but thank God I'm not British

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Anon is definitely straight | /r/Greentext

File: sneed.png (202 KB, 203x923) O Anonymous 07/16/21(Fri)23:58:23 No.64600377 >>6460 1019 >>64600385 >>64600463 >be definitely straight >join discord server because of a friend, because why not >all of them coomers, whatever >owner enjoys futanari and eventually admits he's gay >says "I wasn't always gay. the internet made me gay" >pfff okay that's b------- >eventually spend a couple of years on the server >adopt a lot of my personality and interests from them >eventually buy white and blue striped femboy socks, because one of the members in the server said they were comfy >genuinely not gay, they just look comfy and I collect socks >a few weeks after wearing the socks I begin thinking "hey wait futanari and traps might actually be kinda hot, maybe even sucking one of their di- f---" have I been gay indoctrinated by discord? f---, what do I do? how do I reverse this? I don't want to slide down the t----- slope please help.

File: sneed.png (202 KB, 203x923) O Anonymous 07/16/21(Fri)23:58:23 No.64600377 >>6460 1019 >>64600385 >>64600463 >be definitely straight >join discord server because of a friend, because why not >all of them coomers, whatever >owner enjoys futanari and eventually admits he's gay >says "I wasn't always gay. the internet made me gay" >pfff okay that's b------- >eventually spend a couple of years on the server >adopt a lot of my personality and interests from them >eventually buy white and blue striped femboy socks, because one of the members in the server said they were comfy >genuinely not gay, they just look comfy and I collect socks >a few weeks after wearing the socks I begin thinking "hey wait futanari and traps might actually be kinda hot, maybe even sucking one of their di- f---" have I been gay indoctrinated by discord? f---, what do I do? how do I reverse this? I don't want to slide down the t----- slope please help.

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Femanon is a robot | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Fembot dating stories 01/22/21(Fri)08:51:00 No.61967939 >be me >19 year old femanon NEET >dangerously socially retarded >do nothing but play vidya and watch anime >meet guy on Valorant during quarantine >actually really charismatic and 29 KB JPG funny >start playing together daily >daily vidya turns into daily messages >messages start getting more and more lewd >most his lewd messages almost always mention his 8 inch c--- >he eventually asks me to send nudes >fuckthatshit.jpg >he becomes more and more persistent >keep telling him I'm not comfortable with it >he keeps persisting >finally agree to send him my nudes if he sends me his >he is reluctant but eventually agrees >sends d--- pic >3 inch veiny mushroom >can't look at it without out instantly thinking of toad from mario >feel misled and manipulated >refuse to send my nudes because he lied to me >he starts babyraging at me and tells me not to contact him again >feel really depressed and stupid for thinking he actually liked me for who I am as a person >weeks go by >get a message from him out of nowhere >"kill yourself you dumb f------ slut" >feel rage come over me, start to see red >post his 3 incher on his facebook wall along with the toxic message he sent me so his friends and family can see what a big man he really is >a girl responds with the "cry-laugh" emoji >realize the girl has the same last name as him >nearly choke on my laughter >later that night >get a message from that girl >turns out it was his sister, she apologizes for his behavior >months go by >me and his sister are still friends >apparently he has become reclusive and depressed >can't help but feel guilty even though he brought it on himself Did I do the right thing anons? I know you guys think femanons can't be robots, but any girl who has nerdy interests has to deal with hordes of insecure creeps, and a lot of us end up alone because of it, the fembot experience isn't as easy as you think. img

: Anonymous Fembot dating stories 01/22/21(Fri)08:51:00 No.61967939 >be me >19 year old femanon NEET >dangerously socially retarded >do nothing but play vidya and watch anime >meet guy on Valorant during quarantine >actually really charismatic and 29 KB JPG funny >start playing together daily >daily vidya turns into daily messages >messages start getting more and more lewd >most his lewd messages almost always mention his 8 inch c--- >he eventually asks me to send nudes >fuckthatshit.jpg >he becomes more and more persistent >keep telling him I'm not comfortable with it >he keeps persisting >finally agree to send him my nudes if he sends me his >he is reluctant but eventually agrees >sends d--- pic >3 inch veiny mushroom >can't look at it without out instantly thinking of toad from mario >feel misled and manipulated >refuse to send my nudes because he lied to me >he starts babyraging at me and tells me not to contact him again >feel really depressed and stupid for thinking he actually liked me for who I am as a person >weeks go by >get a message from him out of nowhere >"kill yourself you dumb f------ slut" >feel rage come over me, start to see red >post his 3 incher on his facebook wall along with the toxic message he sent me so his friends and family can see what a big man he really is >a girl responds with the "cry-laugh" emoji >realize the girl has the same last name as him >nearly choke on my laughter >later that night >get a message from that girl >turns out it was his sister, she apologizes for his behavior >months go by >me and his sister are still friends >apparently he has become reclusive and depressed >can't help but feel guilty even though he brought it on himself Did I do the right thing anons? I know you guys think femanons can't be robots, but any girl who has nerdy interests has to deal with hordes of insecure creeps, and a lot of us end up alone because of it, the fembot experience isn't as easy as you think. img

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man got trolled by woman | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)22:26:43 No.64603398 >be me >travel to europe for the summer >troll a school friend because shes gay >tell the school friend to kill herself >wait a few days 4 KB JPG >her mom calls to tell me she actually did it >mfw i heard the news >her mom says I was mentioned in the suicide note, but not in a good way >attached image again >go to sleep with the burden of thinking a human died because of you >wake up >check texts >read a text from the person you thought died >she said it was fake just to guilt trip me man 2 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)22:38:41 No.64603473 >>64603398 (OP) # >le epic troll hahah f----- you got trolled lololololololololloololo >>64603554 # : Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)22:48:39 No.64603554 >>64603473 # tfw I got trolled by a w*man

: Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)22:26:43 No.64603398 >be me >travel to europe for the summer >troll a school friend because shes gay >tell the school friend to kill herself >wait a few days 4 KB JPG >her mom calls to tell me she actually did it >mfw i heard the news >her mom says I was mentioned in the suicide note, but not in a good way >attached image again >go to sleep with the burden of thinking a human died because of you >wake up >check texts >read a text from the person you thought died >she said it was fake just to guilt trip me man 2 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)22:38:41 No.64603473 >>64603398 (OP) # >le epic troll hahah f----- you got trolled lololololololololloololo >>64603554 # : Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)22:48:39 No.64603554 >>64603473 # tfw I got trolled by a w*man

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Anon meets a chad boomer | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)01:19:26 No.859150995 File: cover6.jpg (238 KB, 1600x900) >be me walking with friend on the beach in Cali >spots two trannies arguing with a fit chad boomer laying on his towel trying to tan at the beach >trannies visibly upset and causing a massive scene >one t----- yells "VWE RESERVEĎ THIS SPOT FOR A GIRLS DAY OUT!" and stomps the sand >other t----- sighs really loudly and they both stare at the boomer >boomer says nothing at first, leans up >"your d---- out, son." >the trannys d--- had slipped out of his undersized panties after he stomped. f------ KEKW.jpg >t----- gets extremely embarrassed and starts crying. Other t----- is visibly upset and tries to console the crying t----- >"nice c--- for a bitch" and leans back down.

Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)01:19:26 No.859150995 File: cover6.jpg (238 KB, 1600x900) >be me walking with friend on the beach in Cali >spots two trannies arguing with a fit chad boomer laying on his towel trying to tan at the beach >trannies visibly upset and causing a massive scene >one t----- yells "VWE RESERVEĎ THIS SPOT FOR A GIRLS DAY OUT!" and stomps the sand >other t----- sighs really loudly and they both stare at the boomer >boomer says nothing at first, leans up >"your d---- out, son." >the trannys d--- had slipped out of his undersized panties after he stomped. f------ KEKW.jpg >t----- gets extremely embarrassed and starts crying. Other t----- is visibly upset and tries to console the crying t----- >"nice c--- for a bitch" and leans back down.

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Anon takes a sniff | /r/Greentext

File: 1626016949400.png (216 KB, 561x483) O Anonymous 07/16/21(Fri)16:08:07 No.24588121 > >>24588186 >>24588210 >>24588218 >make gf take a brisk walk in the woods during 35c day. >ambush her by a grassy knoll >lift up her short skirt and take a deep long whiff of her smelly sweaty c--- >have an asthma attack due to hay allergy >gf calls ambulance and tells them i passed out sniffing her p---- >other hikers heard Should i just kill myself?

File: 1626016949400.png (216 KB, 561x483) O Anonymous 07/16/21(Fri)16:08:07 No.24588121 > >>24588186 >>24588210 >>24588218 >make gf take a brisk walk in the woods during 35c day. >ambush her by a grassy knoll >lift up her short skirt and take a deep long whiff of her smelly sweaty c--- >have an asthma attack due to hay allergy >gf calls ambulance and tells them i passed out sniffing her p---- >other hikers heard Should i just kill myself?

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Anon explains why houses in the south are cheap | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous (ID: 9IWP1U38 ) 07/16/21(Fri)13:47:25 No.38894668 File: 41c2a543b155a99a417596f15(...).jpg (115 KB, 1000x800) >>38894723 >>38894818 >>38895182 >>38891857 It's cheap because no one wants to live in the south. >Be in the south >Staying inside because its 90-100f+ out all the time >let your dog out to take a crap >they get through the fence because some "youths" punched a hole in it for no reason last night >dog gets on the neighbors lawn >shot on sight. muh NAP. >corpse thrown back over >while you go out to mourn your dog in the sweltering heat, deshawn earl white jones breaks into your house and steals your TV >drops a small bag of weed on his way out >cops come to investigate, see the weed, beat you up and arrest you >shoot your dead dog because it looked at them funny >as you're dragged out, several drug addicts run into your house to look for copper >then the hurricane hits >meanwhile, in idaho >a cozy 75 >let your dog out >they run off to get some food from your neighbor before they come back >a stray cow busted your fence, no problem, the owner found out and is repairing it tomorrow >all your windows are open, the "inner city kids" are all eastwards in spokane >cops stop by because they heard your wife was making pie for an upcoming bake sale >pet your dog on the way out because he looked at them cutely >while you sit on the couch with your dog, you enjoy the fact that you are always at least 1/2 mile away from someone else >then some gentle rains hit

O Anonymous (ID: 9IWP1U38 ) 07/16/21(Fri)13:47:25 No.38894668 File: 41c2a543b155a99a417596f15(...).jpg (115 KB, 1000x800) >>38894723 >>38894818 >>38895182 >>38891857 It's cheap because no one wants to live in the south. >Be in the south >Staying inside because its 90-100f+ out all the time >let your dog out to take a crap >they get through the fence because some "youths" punched a hole in it for no reason last night >dog gets on the neighbors lawn >shot on sight. muh NAP. >corpse thrown back over >while you go out to mourn your dog in the sweltering heat, deshawn earl white jones breaks into your house and steals your TV >drops a small bag of weed on his way out >cops come to investigate, see the weed, beat you up and arrest you >shoot your dead dog because it looked at them funny >as you're dragged out, several drug addicts run into your house to look for copper >then the hurricane hits >meanwhile, in idaho >a cozy 75 >let your dog out >they run off to get some food from your neighbor before they come back >a stray cow busted your fence, no problem, the owner found out and is repairing it tomorrow >all your windows are open, the "inner city kids" are all eastwards in spokane >cops stop by because they heard your wife was making pie for an upcoming bake sale >pet your dog on the way out because he looked at them cutely >while you sit on the couch with your dog, you enjoy the fact that you are always at least 1/2 mile away from someone else >then some gentle rains hit

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Anons are sigma | /r/Greentext

File: a toast.jpg (367 KB, 1024x1005) Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)00:25:08 No.64600577 >>64600 ITT: times you acted like a sigma male >girl tries to talk to me >tell her to f--- off O Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)00:27:08 No.64600591 File: 1623033793133.jpg (19 KB, 256x256) >>64600577 (OP) >girl tries to exist >slips abortion pills into my mom's food >mom miscarries Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)00:27:58 No.64600598 >>64600577 (OP) >Librarian tells me I have to stop watching scat p--- on the public computers >C-- on keyboard while making eye contact >Leave without pants >> Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)00:28:54 No.64600608 >>64600577 (OP) >air hostess tells me to stop watching p--- on the plane >grab her t--- and tell her i payed for this flight

File: a toast.jpg (367 KB, 1024x1005) Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)00:25:08 No.64600577 >>64600 ITT: times you acted like a sigma male >girl tries to talk to me >tell her to f--- off O Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)00:27:08 No.64600591 File: 1623033793133.jpg (19 KB, 256x256) >>64600577 (OP) >girl tries to exist >slips abortion pills into my mom's food >mom miscarries Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)00:27:58 No.64600598 >>64600577 (OP) >Librarian tells me I have to stop watching scat p--- on the public computers >C-- on keyboard while making eye contact >Leave without pants >> Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)00:28:54 No.64600608 >>64600577 (OP) >air hostess tells me to stop watching p--- on the plane >grab her t--- and tell her i payed for this flight

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Disney should hire anon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/07/21(Wed)01:28:57 No.3858047 >be me >clownfish >watch my mate get eaten by barracuda >dontcarehadsex >s--- only one egg is left >raise the fry until they achieve dimorphism 120 KB JPG >transition to female >wincest.ogg Why did they not write it this way /an/? It's scientifically accurate. : Anonymous 07/09/21(Fri)05:56:35 No.3859702 >>3858047 (OP) # >Why did they not write it this way /an/? It's scientifically accurate. don't give disney ideas, h--------

: Anonymous 07/07/21(Wed)01:28:57 No.3858047 >be me >clownfish >watch my mate get eaten by barracuda >dontcarehadsex >s--- only one egg is left >raise the fry until they achieve dimorphism 120 KB JPG >transition to female >wincest.ogg Why did they not write it this way /an/? It's scientifically accurate. : Anonymous 07/09/21(Fri)05:56:35 No.3859702 >>3858047 (OP) # >Why did they not write it this way /an/? It's scientifically accurate. don't give disney ideas, h--------

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Anon scares his classmates | /r/Greentext

Strelok 03/25/17 (Sat) 18:49:16 ID: bc4e8f No.478877 >>478878 >>478879 >>478881 >>478885 >>478988 >>479576 >>480533 >>489404 >>491418 >>491880 >Be me >be 15 >2009 >Loved Call of Duty 4 so much >Loved All Ghillied Up so much >Favorite level >I would often reenact levels in my yard with imaginary guns and stuff >i was also abnormally tall for 15 (this is important) >Like 6'2" >Heard senior prom was coming up, and since i was a sophomore I couldn't go >Girl across the street was having people over for pictures >Now, at proms what happens is that when you go to take photos, people park their cars bumper to bumper >reminded of All Ghillied Up when MacMillan and Price crawl under the cars >thisgivemeanidea.jpg >from what I learned from Stephanie (the girl across the street) they were gonna go drinking and s--- in the nature reserve after prom, maybe have some sex >Figure I might 'spy"on them and pretend one is Zakhaev and "shoot" him. >borrow my friends ghillie suit >wait until prom >When everyone's taking photos I put on the ghillie suit >it was a little dark by this time (7:00) and I had cover >"Ach, it's a bloody convention out there, when they leave, crawl out and stay low.' I say as I see the crowd, I wait for one of the dad's to move >"hooollld..." >he moves >"Okay...go!" >And so I ran! Exactly as MacMillan does, while even making the sounds of the music from that level >Start crawling under the cars >Holyautism.mosaic Sit's a bit of a tighter squeeze than i thought >Pretty tough but I'm skinny so it works >When i get to the end of the cars, people are starting to leave >i say f--- it and run out from under the cars over to a tree in my neighbor's lawn >I hear someone say 'What the f--- was that?" >I run to the beginning of the woods and look back >People are looking in my direction, mostly kids, they look sort of shaken >They keep wondering what it was that ran past them >l run back to my house when i see one of the dads and one of the seniors (named Jake) start to walk across the street >I say to myself "What the bloody hell was that? You trying to get us killed?" Strelok 03/25/17 (Sat) 18:51:25 ID: bc4e8f No.478878 >>478879 >>478881 >>478885 >>478975 >>478988 >>479576 >>480533 >>489404 >>491418 >>491880 File (hide): 84ac2c323adeb8c...png (206.66 KB, 319x297, 29:27, mac.png) (h) (u) >>478877 >night comes, I pass the time playing Mw2 >No MacMillan, i am sad >in the woods I see lights >It's the seniors >No, it's the ultranationalists! >KILL ZAKHAEV >throw on my ghillie suit >run into the forest >Stalk the seniors (about ten of them) through the trails >l'm snapping a lot of twigs and s--- following them >"What the f--- is that?" One of them says >"What?" >It's me. I run to a safer location >"Hello?" Stephanie calls out >lf they see me everyone will think I'm autistic >they keep walking and I realize I got too close to them >I say in a horrible Scottish accent: "Are you daft? Stay out of the radioactive areas!" >"WHAT THE F--- IS THAT?" One of them says >"WHAT WAS THAT?" >They're seriously scared >They book it to the campsite, and I tiptoe behind them >When they get there they set up camp. I live in the south so one of the guys brings a gun. His date is complaining >"I brought it in case that thing from stephanie's house come back." >"What if that was it earlier on our way here?" >"OMG STOO000OP" the females whimper in unison, like a choir of alley cats >The guy (Dave) looks into the woods with his guns while his date starts drinking and inviting him to join her >he's got his eyes fixed on the woods >I pretend he's an ultranationalist who spotted me >i run for cover >"I HEARD SOMETHING!" he shouts >Everyone's getting scared >Girls want to go home >The men decide to be noble and go find the "f-----" stalking them >l bolt. >An hour later, I'm still in the nature preserve >Looking for a way out >All of a sudden I run into the guys >l pretend its that part of All Ghillied Up when Price and MacMillan crawl through the grass past the ultranationalist patrol >i go prone and try to slip past them >instead, i lay down in deer s--- and get it smeared on my friend's ghillie suit >But I continue >Macmillan would have wanted it >they pass me, talking about the "creature" they saw >lolwut >"What did you see, jake?" >"It was huge! like six feet, hairy as f---, and it was like...walking like it had a limp" >i do not walk like that >I DO NOT WALK LIKE THAT I should probably point out my Macmillan impression sounds like I have a bunch of marbles in my mouth while I get deepthroated by mandingo and Danny D at the same time. >i do my accent and say with all of my autism 'pooch doesn't look too friendly." >They freak the f--- out and I run. >"I HEARD IT! THAT'S IT!" >i keep running and see lights. Maybe I'm home? >Nope, campsite >A girl shines a light into the woods, it hits me >Macmillan would be disappointed >"Hello?' >Say nothing, just stare. Macmillan would have shot her. >"What do you want, creep?" >A girl waves to get my attention >Pull down my mask to see if she would recognize me from school so she wouldn't be scared >I smile, but due to autism I smile really wide and with >i wave, but its cold as f--- so l'm shaking a ton and it looks like l'm having a seizure >They scream >it's mimicking us! >The thing is here! Stephanie shouts >i run, again wide like a deer gettir assrammed Strelok 03/25/17 (Sat) 18:51:48 ID: bc4e8f No.478879 >>478881 >>478885 >>478988 >>479576 >>480533 >>489404 >>491418 >>491880 File (hide): 709366abb28e734..png (49.97 KB, 145x155, 29:31, 2f9.png) (h) (u) >>478877 >>478878 I kept running that night but ran into the group again. turns out they had split up to search for the "creature" but two of them, Suzie and Noah, got lost. >They're calling out for Suzie >i like Suzie, and this fits, so I shout in my scottish accent >"OI, SUZY!" >A guy shoots at me with his AR >Macmillan would have topped him >he is shooting wildly >KILL THAT F------ MONSTER! One shouts >i run out of there while screaming loudly:"SUZIE! SUZIE!" hoping that they'll know I'm helping >i slip and fall into a small pit >"Did you smell that thing?" One says >l'm still splattered in deer s--- >They follow my trail, and Dave reaches the edge of pit >'Found it!" he cries >then he slips and falls in >Hits his head on a rock >is out cold, bleeding >I scream and bolt >l can hear the group screaming "it got Dave!" >They think I killed Dave >"Target neutralized' i say >Eventually I realize l've been going in circles because end up back at the camp >i get an idea >trash it, throw s--- around and set things on fire >Then I say: "Look at this place, 50,000 people used to live in this city, now it's a ghost town, never seen anything like it." >When the group comes back they see their camp trashed. >They left Dave in the woods for some reason. >I was really cold so I threw on some of Noah's extra clothes to keep warm. >They see me >"NOAH!" one shouts >l'm confused, "Noah?!" >They stop >mfw l'm still using my scottish accent >they're frozen >One girl tries to approach me >jake pulls her back >"that's not noah anymore" he says >Noah was the class clown and had a lot of funny catchphrases, so to calm them down i do an impression of him and say "What's swaggin?" >This scares them even more >Apparently he said that right before he disappeared >wat >Jake charges me >i run (getting sick of hearing that?) >he catches me >l'm bigger so I punch him and he falls >l pull him by his leg into the dark to punch him more >The group is screaming >the others are too scared to help >i beat him up while shouting Macmillan lines in a scottish accent >it sounds like William Wallace had suddenly come out of the trees and decided to savage one of the group members >he's bloody and I run so I won't get in trouble >The group freaks out >I stagger a lot, leaving blood all over the trees and stuff >My hand hurts from punching him a ton >i scream >More screaming from the woods >l get back home, shower, and play All Ghillied Up for real >When i return my friend's ghillie suit he tells me that apparently there's like a hairy monster man in the woods >l'm scared until I read the newspaper >blood trails all over the woods, two teens beaten and bloodied >Suzie was found stuck in mud >They never found Noah >jake and Dave ended up in the hospital >friends say they saw Noah attack Jake and then disappear >Say the creature was dark, hairy, smelly, ran fast, was tall and gaunt, and mimicked humans >two years later some anon posts about it on cuckchan's /b/ >called it a "skinwalker" >mfw I was a skinwalker >Macmillan would have been proud

Strelok 03/25/17 (Sat) 18:49:16 ID: bc4e8f No.478877 >>478878 >>478879 >>478881 >>478885 >>478988 >>479576 >>480533 >>489404 >>491418 >>491880 >Be me >be 15 >2009 >Loved Call of Duty 4 so much >Loved All Ghillied Up so much >Favorite level >I would often reenact levels in my yard with imaginary guns and stuff >i was also abnormally tall for 15 (this is important) >Like 6'2" >Heard senior prom was coming up, and since i was a sophomore I couldn't go >Girl across the street was having people over for pictures >Now, at proms what happens is that when you go to take photos, people park their cars bumper to bumper >reminded of All Ghillied Up when MacMillan and Price crawl under the cars >thisgivemeanidea.jpg >from what I learned from Stephanie (the girl across the street) they were gonna go drinking and s--- in the nature reserve after prom, maybe have some sex >Figure I might 'spy"on them and pretend one is Zakhaev and "shoot" him. >borrow my friends ghillie suit >wait until prom >When everyone's taking photos I put on the ghillie suit >it was a little dark by this time (7:00) and I had cover >"Ach, it's a bloody convention out there, when they leave, crawl out and stay low.' I say as I see the crowd, I wait for one of the dad's to move >"hooollld..." >he moves >"Okay...go!" >And so I ran! Exactly as MacMillan does, while even making the sounds of the music from that level >Start crawling under the cars >Holyautism.mosaic Sit's a bit of a tighter squeeze than i thought >Pretty tough but I'm skinny so it works >When i get to the end of the cars, people are starting to leave >i say f--- it and run out from under the cars over to a tree in my neighbor's lawn >I hear someone say 'What the f--- was that?" >I run to the beginning of the woods and look back >People are looking in my direction, mostly kids, they look sort of shaken >They keep wondering what it was that ran past them >l run back to my house when i see one of the dads and one of the seniors (named Jake) start to walk across the street >I say to myself "What the bloody hell was that? You trying to get us killed?" Strelok 03/25/17 (Sat) 18:51:25 ID: bc4e8f No.478878 >>478879 >>478881 >>478885 >>478975 >>478988 >>479576 >>480533 >>489404 >>491418 >>491880 File (hide): 84ac2c323adeb8c...png (206.66 KB, 319x297, 29:27, mac.png) (h) (u) >>478877 >night comes, I pass the time playing Mw2 >No MacMillan, i am sad >in the woods I see lights >It's the seniors >No, it's the ultranationalists! >KILL ZAKHAEV >throw on my ghillie suit >run into the forest >Stalk the seniors (about ten of them) through the trails >l'm snapping a lot of twigs and s--- following them >"What the f--- is that?" One of them says >"What?" >It's me. I run to a safer location >"Hello?" Stephanie calls out >lf they see me everyone will think I'm autistic >they keep walking and I realize I got too close to them >I say in a horrible Scottish accent: "Are you daft? Stay out of the radioactive areas!" >"WHAT THE F--- IS THAT?" One of them says >"WHAT WAS THAT?" >They're seriously scared >They book it to the campsite, and I tiptoe behind them >When they get there they set up camp. I live in the south so one of the guys brings a gun. His date is complaining >"I brought it in case that thing from stephanie's house come back." >"What if that was it earlier on our way here?" >"OMG STOO000OP" the females whimper in unison, like a choir of alley cats >The guy (Dave) looks into the woods with his guns while his date starts drinking and inviting him to join her >he's got his eyes fixed on the woods >I pretend he's an ultranationalist who spotted me >i run for cover >"I HEARD SOMETHING!" he shouts >Everyone's getting scared >Girls want to go home >The men decide to be noble and go find the "f-----" stalking them >l bolt. >An hour later, I'm still in the nature preserve >Looking for a way out >All of a sudden I run into the guys >l pretend its that part of All Ghillied Up when Price and MacMillan crawl through the grass past the ultranationalist patrol >i go prone and try to slip past them >instead, i lay down in deer s--- and get it smeared on my friend's ghillie suit >But I continue >Macmillan would have wanted it >they pass me, talking about the "creature" they saw >lolwut >"What did you see, jake?" >"It was huge! like six feet, hairy as f---, and it was like...walking like it had a limp" >i do not walk like that >I DO NOT WALK LIKE THAT I should probably point out my Macmillan impression sounds like I have a bunch of marbles in my mouth while I get deepthroated by mandingo and Danny D at the same time. >i do my accent and say with all of my autism 'pooch doesn't look too friendly." >They freak the f--- out and I run. >"I HEARD IT! THAT'S IT!" >i keep running and see lights. Maybe I'm home? >Nope, campsite >A girl shines a light into the woods, it hits me >Macmillan would be disappointed >"Hello?' >Say nothing, just stare. Macmillan would have shot her. >"What do you want, creep?" >A girl waves to get my attention >Pull down my mask to see if she would recognize me from school so she wouldn't be scared >I smile, but due to autism I smile really wide and with >i wave, but its cold as f--- so l'm shaking a ton and it looks like l'm having a seizure >They scream >it's mimicking us! >The thing is here! Stephanie shouts >i run, again wide like a deer gettir assrammed Strelok 03/25/17 (Sat) 18:51:48 ID: bc4e8f No.478879 >>478881 >>478885 >>478988 >>479576 >>480533 >>489404 >>491418 >>491880 File (hide): 709366abb28e734..png (49.97 KB, 145x155, 29:31, 2f9.png) (h) (u) >>478877 >>478878 I kept running that night but ran into the group again. turns out they had split up to search for the "creature" but two of them, Suzie and Noah, got lost. >They're calling out for Suzie >i like Suzie, and this fits, so I shout in my scottish accent >"OI, SUZY!" >A guy shoots at me with his AR >Macmillan would have topped him >he is shooting wildly >KILL THAT F------ MONSTER! One shouts >i run out of there while screaming loudly:"SUZIE! SUZIE!" hoping that they'll know I'm helping >i slip and fall into a small pit >"Did you smell that thing?" One says >l'm still splattered in deer s--- >They follow my trail, and Dave reaches the edge of pit >'Found it!" he cries >then he slips and falls in >Hits his head on a rock >is out cold, bleeding >I scream and bolt >l can hear the group screaming "it got Dave!" >They think I killed Dave >"Target neutralized' i say >Eventually I realize l've been going in circles because end up back at the camp >i get an idea >trash it, throw s--- around and set things on fire >Then I say: "Look at this place, 50,000 people used to live in this city, now it's a ghost town, never seen anything like it." >When the group comes back they see their camp trashed. >They left Dave in the woods for some reason. >I was really cold so I threw on some of Noah's extra clothes to keep warm. >They see me >"NOAH!" one shouts >l'm confused, "Noah?!" >They stop >mfw l'm still using my scottish accent >they're frozen >One girl tries to approach me >jake pulls her back >"that's not noah anymore" he says >Noah was the class clown and had a lot of funny catchphrases, so to calm them down i do an impression of him and say "What's swaggin?" >This scares them even more >Apparently he said that right before he disappeared >wat >Jake charges me >i run (getting sick of hearing that?) >he catches me >l'm bigger so I punch him and he falls >l pull him by his leg into the dark to punch him more >The group is screaming >the others are too scared to help >i beat him up while shouting Macmillan lines in a scottish accent >it sounds like William Wallace had suddenly come out of the trees and decided to savage one of the group members >he's bloody and I run so I won't get in trouble >The group freaks out >I stagger a lot, leaving blood all over the trees and stuff >My hand hurts from punching him a ton >i scream >More screaming from the woods >l get back home, shower, and play All Ghillied Up for real >When i return my friend's ghillie suit he tells me that apparently there's like a hairy monster man in the woods >l'm scared until I read the newspaper >blood trails all over the woods, two teens beaten and bloodied >Suzie was found stuck in mud >They never found Noah >jake and Dave ended up in the hospital >friends say they saw Noah attack Jake and then disappear >Say the creature was dark, hairy, smelly, ran fast, was tall and gaunt, and mimicked humans >two years later some anon posts about it on cuckchan's /b/ >called it a "skinwalker" >mfw I was a skinwalker >Macmillan would have been proud

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File: d3a.jpg (39 KB, 657x527) O Anonymous 07/16/21(Fri)19:33:43 No.64593301 [Reply] >making routine calls for work >say something that I think is normal >boss says it's rude to say that >my autism cannot detect why it's rude >immediately feel anxiety spike >worry that I'm about to be fired for the rest of the day Work sucks >> Anonymous 07/16/21(Fri)19:39:09 No.64593366 >>64593301 (OP)

File: d3a.jpg (39 KB, 657x527) O Anonymous 07/16/21(Fri)19:33:43 No.64593301 [Reply] >making routine calls for work >say something that I think is normal >boss says it's rude to say that >my autism cannot detect why it's rude >immediately feel anxiety spike >worry that I'm about to be fired for the rest of the day Work sucks >> Anonymous 07/16/21(Fri)19:39:09 No.64593366 >>64593301 (OP)

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: Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)01:36:34 No.859149129 >watching YouTube >open video >woman's voice >close video 20 KB JPG

: Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)01:36:34 No.859149129 >watching YouTube >open video >woman's voice >close video 20 KB JPG

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: Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)08:04:11 No.859150344 > come into bar > start casual conversation with a random woman > out of nowhere ask 94 KB JPG what her prices are > "excuse me?!" > Tell her that I'm sorry and that I meant no offense > womans ego = destroyed > leave : Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)08:08:58 No.859150552 Based

: Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)08:04:11 No.859150344 > come into bar > start casual conversation with a random woman > out of nowhere ask 94 KB JPG what her prices are > "excuse me?!" > Tell her that I'm sorry and that I meant no offense > womans ego = destroyed > leave : Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)08:08:58 No.859150552 Based

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Anon is a businessman | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/16/21(Tue)11:22:47 No.849732160 >be me >get bored >order a pizza >pretend to be a pizza delivery guy >deliver pizzas to random people >hope to find a qt girl who lives alone and who likes pizza 154 KB PNG >thats all i need >eventually run into a few >p--- lied to me, whatever >around 70% of people actually decide to pay me for my pizza >others say they didnt order it >no loss >i guess people want pizzas some people just dont order them >idea.jpg >a pizza is 4 dollars at the store, ill sell it for 6 >buy 20 pizzas >sell all of them to random people pretending to be a delivery guy >40 dollar profit for selling 20 pizzas >do this when i need extra money

: Anonymous 03/16/21(Tue)11:22:47 No.849732160 >be me >get bored >order a pizza >pretend to be a pizza delivery guy >deliver pizzas to random people >hope to find a qt girl who lives alone and who likes pizza 154 KB PNG >thats all i need >eventually run into a few >p--- lied to me, whatever >around 70% of people actually decide to pay me for my pizza >others say they didnt order it >no loss >i guess people want pizzas some people just dont order them >idea.jpg >a pizza is 4 dollars at the store, ill sell it for 6 >buy 20 pizzas >sell all of them to random people pretending to be a delivery guy >40 dollar profit for selling 20 pizzas >do this when i need extra money

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Bad vibes. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/16/21(Fri)13:38:22 No.64593352 >Live in the middle floor in a block of 6 flats >Buy vibrator >Even on lowest setting it is really loud >Too scared to use it in case 258 KB PNG neighbours here So that was a waste of money.

: Anonymous 07/16/21(Fri)13:38:22 No.64593352 >Live in the middle floor in a block of 6 flats >Buy vibrator >Even on lowest setting it is really loud >Too scared to use it in case 258 KB PNG neighbours here So that was a waste of money.

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