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Anon sells out his grandfather | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: 1ZOHXFIC) 02/22/13(Fri)08:50:50 No.460464375 Re >Be 15 >Grandfather has dementia >He thinks there's a crocodile in his living room >He sits on the other side of the room with a loaded shotgun > Keeps the door to the kitchen open >Always shouts at you if you close it >Weird because I always got told to close it before >Grandfather f------ hates crocodile >Gets worse every day >He hates it in his house because of crocodile > Eventually parents move him to hospital >He's happy >I go to visit him >He's happy because there's no crocodile > He calls me over to him one day to talk to him >Igo to him and we're discussing the crocodile >He starts laughing >This is what he tells me It's great, I love it here, and I didn't even tell the crocodile where I was going." >This is what I tell him "Yeah, but I told him." >He jumps out of bed looking for his gun > Died from a heart attack a few days later I think I killed my grandfather. This is the first time I've told anyone about this since it happened 8 years ago.
Anonymous (ID: 1ZOHXFIC) 02/22/13(Fri)08:50:50 No.460464375 Re >Be 15 >Grandfather has dementia >He thinks there's a crocodile in his living room >He sits on the other side of the room with a loaded shotgun > Keeps the door to the kitchen open >Always shouts at you if you close it >Weird because I always got told to close it before >Grandfather f------ hates crocodile >Gets worse every day >He hates it in his house because of crocodile > Eventually parents move him to hospital >He's happy >I go to visit him >He's happy because there's no crocodile > He calls me over to him one day to talk to him >Igo to him and we're discussing the crocodile >He starts laughing >This is what he tells me It's great, I love it here, and I didn't even tell the crocodile where I was going." >This is what I tell him "Yeah, but I told him." >He jumps out of bed looking for his gun > Died from a heart attack a few days later I think I killed my grandfather. This is the first time I've told anyone about this since it happened 8 years ago.

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Not the ending I expected ಠ_ಠ | /r/Greentext

File: 03eadab3f3d8cc943f8ac7319(..).jpg (47 KB, 700x591) O Anonymous 07/14/21(Wed)22:54:46 No.859002996 >be me, 27, eternal virgin, social outcast >contemplate suicde >therapist tells me to get a dog >get a female golden retriever puppy >play with puppy, train puppy, get emotionally attached to dog >dog grows older, life is good >dog sleeps in my bed, we cuddle >sudden relization im basically in a relationship with my dog >begin to touch her private parts >dog takes a linking to it >end up f------ my dog >no longer suicidal >tell people online about it >get told to kill myself >sad degenerate noises
File: 03eadab3f3d8cc943f8ac7319(..).jpg (47 KB, 700x591) O Anonymous 07/14/21(Wed)22:54:46 No.859002996 >be me, 27, eternal virgin, social outcast >contemplate suicde >therapist tells me to get a dog >get a female golden retriever puppy >play with puppy, train puppy, get emotionally attached to dog >dog grows older, life is good >dog sleeps in my bed, we cuddle >sudden relization im basically in a relationship with my dog >begin to touch her private parts >dog takes a linking to it >end up f------ my dog >no longer suicidal >tell people online about it >get told to kill myself >sad degenerate noises

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Its not green, its crosspost, but there is a plot twist in responses at r/Finland | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/29/19(Thu)07:01:48 No.52191467 >>52189174 (OP) # In Finland we have this one sauna game called "Gollum" In Gollum one person goes under the sauna bench while other players sit on top of it. 29 KB JPG Then the Gollum proceeds to put his finger in someone's a------ and the other players who are sitting has to guess who has a finger up in their a------. Whoever guesses right, gets to be the next Gollum. >>52191478 # >>52191524 #
: Anonymous 08/29/19(Thu)07:01:48 No.52191467 >>52189174 (OP) # In Finland we have this one sauna game called "Gollum" In Gollum one person goes under the sauna bench while other players sit on top of it. 29 KB JPG Then the Gollum proceeds to put his finger in someone's a------ and the other players who are sitting has to guess who has a finger up in their a------. Whoever guesses right, gets to be the next Gollum. >>52191478 # >>52191524 #

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Anon has daddy issues | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/15/21(Thu)13:23:40 No.64575859 >go to bed in nothing but chastity Bruh zone cage Bruh >mom must of seen it by accident while I was sleeping >"we need to talk about something I saw last night" What am I in for jesus christ Bruh 97 KB JPG
: Anonymous 07/15/21(Thu)13:23:40 No.64575859 >go to bed in nothing but chastity Bruh zone cage Bruh >mom must of seen it by accident while I was sleeping >"we need to talk about something I saw last night" What am I in for jesus christ Bruh 97 KB JPG

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Anon never forgets | /r/Greentext


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Anon faps. | /r/Greentext

File: Pepe_feels_good.jpg (32 KB, 600x600) Anonymous 07/15/21(Thu)02:10:01 No.859016202 >be me >fapping to p--- >realize that the woman might be someone's mother >l might've fapped to the mother of some random loser >suddenlychad.gif >mfw
File: Pepe_feels_good.jpg (32 KB, 600x600) Anonymous 07/15/21(Thu)02:10:01 No.859016202 >be me >fapping to p--- >realize that the woman might be someone's mother >l might've fapped to the mother of some random loser >suddenlychad.gif >mfw

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Pakistani anon makes some friends | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 07/14/21(Wed)19:30:16 No.859014896 >>859014999 >>859015032 Stupidest way you made a friend. >be me pakistani >at some random desi party >meet bengali dude >try to become friends with him >i like history so i try to come up with a fun fact about Bangladeshi >remember my grandfather participated in the Bangladeshi genocide >"um uh did you know my grandfather commited war crimes in bangladesh" >realize im a f------ retard >dude starts laughing >says based in response >both of us become good friends and hang out with each other
O Anonymous 07/14/21(Wed)19:30:16 No.859014896 >>859014999 >>859015032 Stupidest way you made a friend. >be me pakistani >at some random desi party >meet bengali dude >try to become friends with him >i like history so i try to come up with a fun fact about Bangladeshi >remember my grandfather participated in the Bangladeshi genocide >"um uh did you know my grandfather commited war crimes in bangladesh" >realize im a f------ retard >dude starts laughing >says based in response >both of us become good friends and hang out with each other

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anon is a chef | /r/Greentext

File: download.png (7 KB, 203x249) Anonymous 07/15/21(Thu)09:41:25 No.859035373 [Reply] > be 11 years old me > taking a poop and it is really smelly > "umm but how much more smelly would it be if I age it" > waited until mommy was not home, took a s--- inside a big bottle. >i have heard milk is also smelly if you age it. > took some milk and poured it in > creativity started > putted in a pickle > added some honey > took a few rocks from the garden > added some salt and fish > after a few days it becomes really smelly and even though the bottle is closed you can smell it > my parents found the bottle > they beated my ass for doing so > 3 years later, I am still thinking about it every time I drink from a bottle Mfw I could have been a great milkshake chef if my parents were good
File: download.png (7 KB, 203x249) Anonymous 07/15/21(Thu)09:41:25 No.859035373 [Reply] > be 11 years old me > taking a poop and it is really smelly > "umm but how much more smelly would it be if I age it" > waited until mommy was not home, took a s--- inside a big bottle. >i have heard milk is also smelly if you age it. > took some milk and poured it in > creativity started > putted in a pickle > added some honey > took a few rocks from the garden > added some salt and fish > after a few days it becomes really smelly and even though the bottle is closed you can smell it > my parents found the bottle > they beated my ass for doing so > 3 years later, I am still thinking about it every time I drink from a bottle Mfw I could have been a great milkshake chef if my parents were good

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Extremely Based, old man vibes | /r/Greentext

epper times you were based >minding my own business at home on a Tuesday >hear noise outside >look out the window >some high schoolers making a ruckus on the sidewalk in front of my lawn when they should be at school >open window >YOU DAMN KIDS BETTER GET BACK TO CLASS AND GET OFF MY LAWN >they curse me and flip me off but leave anyways
epper times you were based >minding my own business at home on a Tuesday >hear noise outside >look out the window >some high schoolers making a ruckus on the sidewalk in front of my lawn when they should be at school >open window >YOU DAMN KIDS BETTER GET BACK TO CLASS AND GET OFF MY LAWN >they curse me and flip me off but leave anyways

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Anon is a child of god | /r/Greentext

so what do you do besides Weightlifting anon? so what do you do besides Weig(...) 05/14/20(Thu)17:40:36 No.55569697 surely you must have other hobbies... right? 111 KB JPG : Anonymous 05/14/20(Thu)17:41:54 No.55569712 >>55569697 (OP) # >in my free time I abstain from m----------- 167 KB JPG >>55570802 # >>55571552 #
so what do you do besides Weightlifting anon? so what do you do besides Weig(...) 05/14/20(Thu)17:40:36 No.55569697 surely you must have other hobbies... right? 111 KB JPG : Anonymous 05/14/20(Thu)17:41:54 No.55569712 >>55569697 (OP) # >in my free time I abstain from m----------- 167 KB JPG >>55570802 # >>55571552 #

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Anon is sad to see Elves suffer | /r/Greentext

U Anonymous 04/23/21(Fri)07:09:44 No.63346436 File: marcille.jpg (194 KB, 953x954) >live a long, happy life with your elven wife >she was 200 when you met her >she's 260 now >looks the same as the day you met >be human >die >elf wife suffers and mourns you for hundreds of years alone That's f------ why.
U Anonymous 04/23/21(Fri)07:09:44 No.63346436 File: marcille.jpg (194 KB, 953x954) >live a long, happy life with your elven wife >she was 200 when you met her >she's 260 now >looks the same as the day you met >be human >die >elf wife suffers and mourns you for hundreds of years alone That's f------ why.

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Anon doesn't want a job | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/11/18(Fri)09:44:45 No.45312706 >Apply for NEETbux >NEETbux worker says no NEETbux until I apply for one job >ugh fine >walk to the McDick's right next to the NEETbux office >tell the roastie at the counter I want to apply for a job 413 KB PNG >roastie leaves for a minute and says the manager wants to meet me >manager comes out and takes me back to his office >puts in a DVD about McDick's and safety s--- >asks me if I have any questions >has me fill out some forms and s--- >ugh this is taking forever >manager calls roastie back to his office and tells her to take me up front and train me on the registers >WTE!? I didn't actually want a job >too much social anxiety to back out now Tomorrow will be my two week anniversary. A group of coworkers invited me out to a sports bar for wings last weekend. Those were the first new numbers I saved in my phone in years. It's actually nice having a little money coming in and somewhere l'm expected to be everyday. It's like I matter to the world again.
Anonymous 05/11/18(Fri)09:44:45 No.45312706 >Apply for NEETbux >NEETbux worker says no NEETbux until I apply for one job >ugh fine >walk to the McDick's right next to the NEETbux office >tell the roastie at the counter I want to apply for a job 413 KB PNG >roastie leaves for a minute and says the manager wants to meet me >manager comes out and takes me back to his office >puts in a DVD about McDick's and safety s--- >asks me if I have any questions >has me fill out some forms and s--- >ugh this is taking forever >manager calls roastie back to his office and tells her to take me up front and train me on the registers >WTE!? I didn't actually want a job >too much social anxiety to back out now Tomorrow will be my two week anniversary. A group of coworkers invited me out to a sports bar for wings last weekend. Those were the first new numbers I saved in my phone in years. It's actually nice having a little money coming in and somewhere l'm expected to be everyday. It's like I matter to the world again.

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Anon works at a pet shop | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/28/21(Mon)23:56:02 No.3849472 >get job at pet shop >im grateful the owner gave a chance despite no experience >my job is to groom the dogs >on my first day i groom 2 dogs >owner tells me im too slow and that I should be able to groom 8 dogs, 1 dog per hour basically >she shows me how she does it, she gives them a pill to sedate them so they dont struggle >there are different dosages depending on the 28 KB JPG age and weight of the dog >i follow her instructions to the letter >4 of the dogs never wake up >she cusses at me and asks me how the f--- is she supposed to explain what happened >fires me on the spot, tells me I will probably get sued : Anonymous 06/29/21(Tue)00:08:30 No.3849482 maybe you should apply at a pet cemetery next you might revive some >>3849746 # >>3849776 #
: Anonymous 06/28/21(Mon)23:56:02 No.3849472 >get job at pet shop >im grateful the owner gave a chance despite no experience >my job is to groom the dogs >on my first day i groom 2 dogs >owner tells me im too slow and that I should be able to groom 8 dogs, 1 dog per hour basically >she shows me how she does it, she gives them a pill to sedate them so they dont struggle >there are different dosages depending on the 28 KB JPG age and weight of the dog >i follow her instructions to the letter >4 of the dogs never wake up >she cusses at me and asks me how the f--- is she supposed to explain what happened >fires me on the spot, tells me I will probably get sued : Anonymous 06/29/21(Tue)00:08:30 No.3849482 maybe you should apply at a pet cemetery next you might revive some >>3849746 # >>3849776 #

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Anon Shares The Secret Of Chads | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/07/18(Sat)08:34:51 No.46624719 >be me >25 year old "chad" >have basic hygiene (take showers everyday, brush teeth etc.) >Maintian my body through shaving, haircuts etc. 131 KB JPG >go to gym regularly, eat healthy and take care of my body >Dress decently >Treat women with respect and pursue them confidently >compliment them and make them feel special >get 8/10 gf and live happily It's that easy guys. Just don't look like a f------ slob and take care of yourself.
: Anonymous 07/07/18(Sat)08:34:51 No.46624719 >be me >25 year old "chad" >have basic hygiene (take showers everyday, brush teeth etc.) >Maintian my body through shaving, haircuts etc. 131 KB JPG >go to gym regularly, eat healthy and take care of my body >Dress decently >Treat women with respect and pursue them confidently >compliment them and make them feel special >get 8/10 gf and live happily It's that easy guys. Just don't look like a f------ slob and take care of yourself.

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Trannie booted | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/14/21(Wed)11:03:06 No.858986588 >be me anon >go to school with trannie faq >one day it starts bothering people about how f--- are superior an s--- >it rants for a few more minutes >country boy of the class tells it to shut the f--- up 53 KB GIF >it barks at him >he punches it in the face because it still has penis >knocks it the f--- out >f-- doesnt come back to school >mfw
: Anonymous 07/14/21(Wed)11:03:06 No.858986588 >be me anon >go to school with trannie faq >one day it starts bothering people about how f--- are superior an s--- >it rants for a few more minutes >country boy of the class tells it to shut the f--- up 53 KB GIF >it barks at him >he punches it in the face because it still has penis >knocks it the f--- out >f-- doesnt come back to school >mfw

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Anon gets bamboozled | /r/Greentext

File: pepevomit.png (353 KB, 600x447) Anonymous 07/14/21(Wed)15:52:46 No.858976877 >Be me, live in denial thinking that women don't fart/poop >Actually get a GF (oh the lord and his miracles) >She farts/poops >Disgust.jpg My whole life has been a lie. Anonymous 07/14/21(Wed)15:53:50 No.858976906 What you have is a boyfriend
File: pepevomit.png (353 KB, 600x447) Anonymous 07/14/21(Wed)15:52:46 No.858976877 >Be me, live in denial thinking that women don't fart/poop >Actually get a GF (oh the lord and his miracles) >She farts/poops >Disgust.jpg My whole life has been a lie. Anonymous 07/14/21(Wed)15:53:50 No.858976906 What you have is a boyfriend

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Anon shits for his coworker | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/14/21(Wed)21:57:12 No.859019540 >be me >coworker always takes a nasty ass s--- every day when he gets in >decide I'm gonna teach him a lesson >he's a fat f---, but I'm a vegan >held in my s--- for 3 days 1.32 MB JPG >today's the day >go into work an hour early >head straight to the bathroom >take the most rancid, disgusting s--- that has ever left my anus >gagged a few times and could barely breathe in my own fecal fumes >spent 45 minutes in there to get it all out and let it simmer a bit >leave and start my shift >coworker comes in >as usual, he goes to the bathroom after clocking in >working, trying to act normal >few seconds later >hear "jesus f------ christ" in the distance >a grin strikes my face the prophecy has been fulfilled
: Anonymous 07/14/21(Wed)21:57:12 No.859019540 >be me >coworker always takes a nasty ass s--- every day when he gets in >decide I'm gonna teach him a lesson >he's a fat f---, but I'm a vegan >held in my s--- for 3 days 1.32 MB JPG >today's the day >go into work an hour early >head straight to the bathroom >take the most rancid, disgusting s--- that has ever left my anus >gagged a few times and could barely breathe in my own fecal fumes >spent 45 minutes in there to get it all out and let it simmer a bit >leave and start my shift >coworker comes in >as usual, he goes to the bathroom after clocking in >working, trying to act normal >few seconds later >hear "jesus f------ christ" in the distance >a grin strikes my face the prophecy has been fulfilled

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Anon loves animal crossing and hentai | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/14/21(Wed)10:53:13 No.9821347 > be me > 47 year old Afghanistan local > planned some big attack this one time > now live in caves and hideaways > no running water to wash down 135 KB JPG sheep tendies > turn on my dell computer > can't decide if I want to pwn newbz on counter strike or throw on my bandana and watch some naruto > end up just running my DS emulator > play Animal Crossing: Wild World as always > in this game am not Earth's most wanted terrorist > am shopkeeper > am up to date on my bills > just learned a DIY recipe for a backyard lawn > decide to switch to CS:GO > get called a s---------- within 3 seconds of talking to my team > switch back to Animal Crossing > my lawn is beautiful > cross fingers and hope Obama doesn't kill me tomorrow before my pre-sleep hentai session > life isn't good, but it's ok
: Anonymous 07/14/21(Wed)10:53:13 No.9821347 > be me > 47 year old Afghanistan local > planned some big attack this one time > now live in caves and hideaways > no running water to wash down 135 KB JPG sheep tendies > turn on my dell computer > can't decide if I want to pwn newbz on counter strike or throw on my bandana and watch some naruto > end up just running my DS emulator > play Animal Crossing: Wild World as always > in this game am not Earth's most wanted terrorist > am shopkeeper > am up to date on my bills > just learned a DIY recipe for a backyard lawn > decide to switch to CS:GO > get called a s---------- within 3 seconds of talking to my team > switch back to Animal Crossing > my lawn is beautiful > cross fingers and hope Obama doesn't kill me tomorrow before my pre-sleep hentai session > life isn't good, but it's ok

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Anon stagnates in life | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/14/21(Wed)22:01:22 No.859000122 images (4).jpg| 8 KB JPG >be me, Eastern-eurofag >live in s------- country >go to engineering school because allegedly it pays well >ffw 7 years >be me >25 yo >work >sleep >repeat >pay rent >buy groceries >literally spend only on these two and cheap clothes when I need them >be end of every month >balance = 0 money >mfw my salary is considered good in this country >mfw l'll be wagecucking until I die and will have nothing to show for it Why bother anons?
: Anonymous 07/14/21(Wed)22:01:22 No.859000122 images (4).jpg| 8 KB JPG >be me, Eastern-eurofag >live in s------- country >go to engineering school because allegedly it pays well >ffw 7 years >be me >25 yo >work >sleep >repeat >pay rent >buy groceries >literally spend only on these two and cheap clothes when I need them >be end of every month >balance = 0 money >mfw my salary is considered good in this country >mfw l'll be wagecucking until I die and will have nothing to show for it Why bother anons?

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Anon kills a bug | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/14/21(Wed)13:14:24 No.858997494 >Be me >Bring food to my room >Hear fly >Fuckno.jpg >Leave food in kitchen and grab fly swatter 52 KB JPG >l patiently wait for it to appear, for I am in my element >Finally notice it next to bed >Slowly approach >Swing >Miss >Starts to fly away >I f------ hit it mid air >Makes audible smacking sound >Soars accross room >Can't find its corpse >Panic >Desperately search for an hour to no avail >Realize I just have to live with the fact that there's a fly's liquified body somewhere in this room
: Anonymous 07/14/21(Wed)13:14:24 No.858997494 >Be me >Bring food to my room >Hear fly >Fuckno.jpg >Leave food in kitchen and grab fly swatter 52 KB JPG >l patiently wait for it to appear, for I am in my element >Finally notice it next to bed >Slowly approach >Swing >Miss >Starts to fly away >I f------ hit it mid air >Makes audible smacking sound >Soars accross room >Can't find its corpse >Panic >Desperately search for an hour to no avail >Realize I just have to live with the fact that there's a fly's liquified body somewhere in this room

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