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Anon is a slow learner | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/29/21(Tue)21:18:41 No.64365247 >yes I'm 32 years old >why yes, I wasn't potty trained until the towers fell 145 KB PNG
: Anonymous 06/29/21(Tue)21:18:41 No.64365247 >yes I'm 32 years old >why yes, I wasn't potty trained until the towers fell 145 KB PNG

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Anon looks at a girl | /r/Greentext


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Anon gives a driving lesson | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/28/21 (Mon)11:22:22 No.24285825 >delivering pizzas >drive 15 miles over the limit at all times >traction control? always off >fat gay pissan murano with STUDENT DRIVER magnets is doing 5 under in front of me 92 KB JPG >one lane turns into a two lane >pissan stays in the left lane >pass it on the right, 20 year old V8 screaming through leaky exhaust >fat, red faced boomer driving instructor leans out the passenger window >screams YoU cAnT dO tHaT >flip him the bird and tell him to go f--- himself >teenage girl learning to drive's face when >>24288315 # >>24288472 # >>24289423 # >>24290916 #
: Anonymous 06/28/21 (Mon)11:22:22 No.24285825 >delivering pizzas >drive 15 miles over the limit at all times >traction control? always off >fat gay pissan murano with STUDENT DRIVER magnets is doing 5 under in front of me 92 KB JPG >one lane turns into a two lane >pissan stays in the left lane >pass it on the right, 20 year old V8 screaming through leaky exhaust >fat, red faced boomer driving instructor leans out the passenger window >screams YoU cAnT dO tHaT >flip him the bird and tell him to go f--- himself >teenage girl learning to drive's face when >>24288315 # >>24288472 # >>24289423 # >>24290916 #

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Anon uses Craigslist | /r/Greentext


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Anon is McDonald’s | /r/Greentext


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Anon gets catfished | /r/Greentext


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Anon lives in America | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/21/21(Mon)14:22:03 No.3841421 >be american >walk outside >swarmed by black widows, hobo spiders, and brown recluses >get tag teamed by a puma and a grizzly bear >before they can finish you off, an elk charges you and impales you 483 KB PNG on its horns >as you are being carried into the sunset, bleeding out, missing a few limbs and part of your face, with spots of your remaining flesh rotting, you say >"australia is so dangerous lol" >and then a massive pack of introduced canadian wolves takes down the elk and uses you as a chew toy >you would get a proper funeral if someone found you at this point, but coyotes move in to take the scraps, and finally your national symbol, the bald eagle, steals the bones Why is the US so deadly? I can't think of a country that has to deal with deadlier animals except africa maybe 39 Replies / 7 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 06/21/21(Mon)14:22:03 No.3841421 >be american >walk outside >swarmed by black widows, hobo spiders, and brown recluses >get tag teamed by a puma and a grizzly bear >before they can finish you off, an elk charges you and impales you 483 KB PNG on its horns >as you are being carried into the sunset, bleeding out, missing a few limbs and part of your face, with spots of your remaining flesh rotting, you say >"australia is so dangerous lol" >and then a massive pack of introduced canadian wolves takes down the elk and uses you as a chew toy >you would get a proper funeral if someone found you at this point, but coyotes move in to take the scraps, and finally your national symbol, the bald eagle, steals the bones Why is the US so deadly? I can't think of a country that has to deal with deadlier animals except africa maybe 39 Replies / 7 Images View Thread

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Anon likes feet | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/29/21(Tue)06:05:28 No.857934447 >Be Me >Footfag >Girl I work with came in with open toe sandals yesterday >Hard as f--- all day >Had to whack out quick one in restroom on break >Still hard thinking about those cute little 26 KB PNG piggy's >Why am I like this? >l dream about her soles sliding up and down my shaft >l'd pay money to smell them >l make myself sick >Why can't I like t--- like everyone else? 9 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 06/29/21(Tue)06:05:28 No.857934447 >Be Me >Footfag >Girl I work with came in with open toe sandals yesterday >Hard as f--- all day >Had to whack out quick one in restroom on break >Still hard thinking about those cute little 26 KB PNG piggy's >Why am I like this? >l dream about her soles sliding up and down my shaft >l'd pay money to smell them >l make myself sick >Why can't I like t--- like everyone else? 9 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon is gullible | /r/Greentext


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Anon is not on a winning spree | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/29/21(Tue)11:42:09 No.64361300 >it's been over 6 months, did you even started any tasks we agreed on? >It's almost July and you not even started a single one? >so you just browse mindlessly on that website? "four chain"? >can you explain the term 216 KB PNG "shitposting" to me? >anon you have to set the direction of your life. >You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try. hey, half a year wasted, cheers to the next 6 months i guess...
: Anonymous 06/29/21(Tue)11:42:09 No.64361300 >it's been over 6 months, did you even started any tasks we agreed on? >It's almost July and you not even started a single one? >so you just browse mindlessly on that website? "four chain"? >can you explain the term 216 KB PNG "shitposting" to me? >anon you have to set the direction of your life. >You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try. hey, half a year wasted, cheers to the next 6 months i guess...

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Anon goes to a club | /r/Greentext

File: docs.jng (46 KB, 641x675) autistic pickup moments Anonymous 06/28/21(Mon)10:04:12 No.64350414 (Reply) D4352879 >be me >be 19 >go to local dance club with my chad friend, club takes minors they just can't drink >he invited a girl from work >girl brought a friend, but friend was a bitch >hanging out w chad friend waiting for girls to come out of the bathroom >random guy walks up >"hey, this girl from across the bar keeps staring at you. you should make a move" >thínks he's talking about chad friend >"nah dude, it's for sure you" >friend telling me to go over to her, but I'm too nervous >finally ready to go up to where she is sitting >giri gets up right as I start to walk in her direction >lose her in the huge pack of ppl in the club fast forward 2 hours >sitting alone on couch, waiting for friend to be done w girl so I can go home >see girl again, this time also sitting alone looking as miserable as me >decide to man up and go up to her >sit in chair next to her >she doesn't react >sit there like a retard for a solid 5 mins thinking of ways to start a conversation >finally build up courage to say something >"i like your shoes" >shoes are pic related >girl doesn't even turn to look at me >says "thanks" >immediately gets up and walks to opposite end of club >spend another hour in there watching my friend try to hook up with his co-worker and her friend try to hook up with a random dude >nice anybody else got any autistic stories? let's hear them
File: docs.jng (46 KB, 641x675) autistic pickup moments Anonymous 06/28/21(Mon)10:04:12 No.64350414 (Reply) D4352879 >be me >be 19 >go to local dance club with my chad friend, club takes minors they just can't drink >he invited a girl from work >girl brought a friend, but friend was a bitch >hanging out w chad friend waiting for girls to come out of the bathroom >random guy walks up >"hey, this girl from across the bar keeps staring at you. you should make a move" >thínks he's talking about chad friend >"nah dude, it's for sure you" >friend telling me to go over to her, but I'm too nervous >finally ready to go up to where she is sitting >giri gets up right as I start to walk in her direction >lose her in the huge pack of ppl in the club fast forward 2 hours >sitting alone on couch, waiting for friend to be done w girl so I can go home >see girl again, this time also sitting alone looking as miserable as me >decide to man up and go up to her >sit in chair next to her >she doesn't react >sit there like a retard for a solid 5 mins thinking of ways to start a conversation >finally build up courage to say something >"i like your shoes" >shoes are pic related >girl doesn't even turn to look at me >says "thanks" >immediately gets up and walks to opposite end of club >spend another hour in there watching my friend try to hook up with his co-worker and her friend try to hook up with a random dude >nice anybody else got any autistic stories? let's hear them

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Anon reproduces | /r/Greentext

File: 1623983772826.jpg (54 KB, 864x864) O Anonymous 06/28/21(Mon)23:54:15 No.64358714 [Reply] >be me >24 yr old antisocial virgin >read incel thread on /pol/ about how the ultimate goal in life is to reproduce in order to pass on your genes >get sad and consider kms because i will probably never achieve that goal >haveanidea.jpg >make a plan. i don't want to be the first and only of my ansestors that fails passing on his genes. >fast forward to today >i have already donated sperm dozens of times to different sperm banks across my country >my genes will be spread around in my country like gengis khan's were in his times see you later loosers
File: 1623983772826.jpg (54 KB, 864x864) O Anonymous 06/28/21(Mon)23:54:15 No.64358714 [Reply] >be me >24 yr old antisocial virgin >read incel thread on /pol/ about how the ultimate goal in life is to reproduce in order to pass on your genes >get sad and consider kms because i will probably never achieve that goal >haveanidea.jpg >make a plan. i don't want to be the first and only of my ansestors that fails passing on his genes. >fast forward to today >i have already donated sperm dozens of times to different sperm banks across my country >my genes will be spread around in my country like gengis khan's were in his times see you later loosers

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Anon figures out the bronze age collapse | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous (ID: EPKCVJSQ 06/27/21(Sun)20:23:10 No.327755120 okay imagine this: >bronze age collapse >every major power around you collapses,except Egypt,Assyria(but severly weakened) >random "sea people" from nowhere comes and destroys everything in their path(who the f--- were they anyway? nuragic people? italic people? maybe even celts,germs?) >suddenly you move in to this new prosperous land called "canaan" >profit,rest is history i guess yeah natural disasters,etc also f----- up the levant but. anons? whats going on?
O Anonymous (ID: EPKCVJSQ 06/27/21(Sun)20:23:10 No.327755120 okay imagine this: >bronze age collapse >every major power around you collapses,except Egypt,Assyria(but severly weakened) >random "sea people" from nowhere comes and destroys everything in their path(who the f--- were they anyway? nuragic people? italic people? maybe even celts,germs?) >suddenly you move in to this new prosperous land called "canaan" >profit,rest is history i guess yeah natural disasters,etc also f----- up the levant but. anons? whats going on?

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Anon is a retard | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/28/21(Mon)20:49:18 No.857902576 >be me, 14 at the time >at friends house because she had a pool >after swimming we started watching a movie >commercial break >she takes my phone and runs away >go after her >she locks herself in her room 40 KB JPG >i try to get in but no luck >she opens the door a bit and throws me the "panties" of her swimsuit >14yo me thinks its disgusting because its wet and warm >throw it back to her door >can hear her laughing >the movie started again so i went downstairs >she comes back a bit after me and throws me my phone back >she's clearly upset but 14yo me didnt care >awkward silence during the rest of the movie >leave once it finishes >she didnt talk to me for about a week or 2 why was i such a retard 9 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 06/28/21(Mon)21:00:20 No.857903199 >>857902576 (OP)_# sure /b/ro : Anonymous 06/28/21(Mon)21:01:12 No.857903261 >>857902576 (OP) # Just f--- her next time you see her
: Anonymous 06/28/21(Mon)20:49:18 No.857902576 >be me, 14 at the time >at friends house because she had a pool >after swimming we started watching a movie >commercial break >she takes my phone and runs away >go after her >she locks herself in her room 40 KB JPG >i try to get in but no luck >she opens the door a bit and throws me the "panties" of her swimsuit >14yo me thinks its disgusting because its wet and warm >throw it back to her door >can hear her laughing >the movie started again so i went downstairs >she comes back a bit after me and throws me my phone back >she's clearly upset but 14yo me didnt care >awkward silence during the rest of the movie >leave once it finishes >she didnt talk to me for about a week or 2 why was i such a retard 9 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 06/28/21(Mon)21:00:20 No.857903199 >>857902576 (OP)_# sure /b/ro : Anonymous 06/28/21(Mon)21:01:12 No.857903261 >>857902576 (OP) # Just f--- her next time you see her

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Anon goes out for lunch | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/29/21(Tue)15:08:03 No.64359900 >go on a "date" with a female for first time in years >we go to have lunch at a pizzeria with a new friend I made, I like her >be kind of anxious for leaving a good image, but everything seems to go fine >while eating and talking I check my 146 KB PNG wallet >I have no money >get scared and tell her l'm going outside to smoke a c-------- >try to call my mom desespertly to borrow her money >she doesn't answer >get even more scared >end up running to my house which is 30 minutes away >get some money and come back running >when I came back she's not there anymore >end up blocking her because I was embarassed of she thinking I leaved because I didn't want to pay >haven't talked with her since that day why am I so f------ retarded?
: Anonymous 06/29/21(Tue)15:08:03 No.64359900 >go on a "date" with a female for first time in years >we go to have lunch at a pizzeria with a new friend I made, I like her >be kind of anxious for leaving a good image, but everything seems to go fine >while eating and talking I check my 146 KB PNG wallet >I have no money >get scared and tell her l'm going outside to smoke a c-------- >try to call my mom desespertly to borrow her money >she doesn't answer >get even more scared >end up running to my house which is 30 minutes away >get some money and come back running >when I came back she's not there anymore >end up blocking her because I was embarassed of she thinking I leaved because I didn't want to pay >haven't talked with her since that day why am I so f------ retarded?

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Wagie wagie get in cagie | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Wagie stories 06/29/21(Tue)16:12:47 No.64360453 >be me >Apply for wage job at gas station >Boss b-------- me from the get go >Says there's an open position for a full time job. Turns out l'll be competing with another person and whoever loses will get a part time position (specifically said i 31 KB JPG was only interested in full time in the interview) >Says I'll be doing 12 hours of non paid practice, ends up asking me to do twice that >Lose the full time position to the other person. No hard feelings.jpg >Decide f--- it, i ain't carrying on this gay s---, time to look for another job >Boss phones me up two days later asks me where l've been. Tell him l'm very sorry but I can't take him job opportunity because of inconvenience etc etc. Calls me very unprofessional, i give him the yes sir goodbye sir and hangup so i don't have to carry on listening to his s--- >Phones me again and starts getting agitated, telling me good luck with life if you're gonna go around behaving like that etc >Tell him i don't own him or his company s---, didn't sign a contract and specifically said i had no interest in part time from the very beginning >Get into a heated shouting match. Tell him to go and f--- himself and hang up. Block his number >Check phone 30 minutes later. Three calls from blocked number >Mfw It's funny how mad bosses get when they realise they have no power over you
: Anonymous Wagie stories 06/29/21(Tue)16:12:47 No.64360453 >be me >Apply for wage job at gas station >Boss b-------- me from the get go >Says there's an open position for a full time job. Turns out l'll be competing with another person and whoever loses will get a part time position (specifically said i 31 KB JPG was only interested in full time in the interview) >Says I'll be doing 12 hours of non paid practice, ends up asking me to do twice that >Lose the full time position to the other person. No hard feelings.jpg >Decide f--- it, i ain't carrying on this gay s---, time to look for another job >Boss phones me up two days later asks me where l've been. Tell him l'm very sorry but I can't take him job opportunity because of inconvenience etc etc. Calls me very unprofessional, i give him the yes sir goodbye sir and hangup so i don't have to carry on listening to his s--- >Phones me again and starts getting agitated, telling me good luck with life if you're gonna go around behaving like that etc >Tell him i don't own him or his company s---, didn't sign a contract and specifically said i had no interest in part time from the very beginning >Get into a heated shouting match. Tell him to go and f--- himself and hang up. Block his number >Check phone 30 minutes later. Three calls from blocked number >Mfw It's funny how mad bosses get when they realise they have no power over you

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Anon watches a movie | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 02/01/18(Thu)12:56:35 No.94008428 File: feelstooreal.gif (263 KB, 319x255) >>94004782 (OP) >watch movie with parents >Father tells his son that he loves him >look to my dad >"Don't get any stupid f------ ideas" >0-okay
O Anonymous 02/01/18(Thu)12:56:35 No.94008428 File: feelstooreal.gif (263 KB, 319x255) >>94004782 (OP) >watch movie with parents >Father tells his son that he loves him >look to my dad >"Don't get any stupid f------ ideas" >0-okay

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Anon says the n word | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/23/ 22:52:00 No.7448026 >be me >have a black friend >he likes my memes >he gave me a n-word pass See you later normies 5 KB JPG
: Anonymous 12/23/ 22:52:00 No.7448026 >be me >have a black friend >he likes my memes >he gave me a n-word pass See you later normies 5 KB JPG

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Anon shits the bed | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11/23/11(Wed)03:46 No. 10063353 >Be 16 >Girl Ive known since we were like 4 is having a party >Had been taking these pills post-operation >They cause me to be constipated >F--- it >Go to this party >Friend forfuckingever is flirting up a storm >Sorta brush it off as sloppiness >Party winding down >Nowhere to sleep >"Oh, just come with me" >Ugh, fine >F--- the t--- right off her >Be farting every hump, she's half-passed out anyways. no worries >Start to worry >Fall asleep back to back, completely naked >Wake up to RANCID smell >Oh god no >Take out cell phone >Look over, I had the green-apple splatters all over her back and fine linens >Whatthefuckdoldo.avi >Take s--- in hands, smear between her ass-cheeks >Leave note saying "You shat yourself, so I left". dont know why >Put clothes on, RUN out door and walk home >Dont hear from her >2 weeks later she killed herself. Anonymous 11/23/11(Wed)03:49 No.10063371 >>10063353 ahahahahahahahahahahsfbgbomgimdying
Anonymous 11/23/11(Wed)03:46 No. 10063353 >Be 16 >Girl Ive known since we were like 4 is having a party >Had been taking these pills post-operation >They cause me to be constipated >F--- it >Go to this party >Friend forfuckingever is flirting up a storm >Sorta brush it off as sloppiness >Party winding down >Nowhere to sleep >"Oh, just come with me" >Ugh, fine >F--- the t--- right off her >Be farting every hump, she's half-passed out anyways. no worries >Start to worry >Fall asleep back to back, completely naked >Wake up to RANCID smell >Oh god no >Take out cell phone >Look over, I had the green-apple splatters all over her back and fine linens >Whatthefuckdoldo.avi >Take s--- in hands, smear between her ass-cheeks >Leave note saying "You shat yourself, so I left". dont know why >Put clothes on, RUN out door and walk home >Dont hear from her >2 weeks later she killed herself. Anonymous 11/23/11(Wed)03:49 No.10063371 >>10063353 ahahahahahahahahahahsfbgbomgimdying

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The Fart Connoisseur makes dinner | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/29/21(Tue)12:14:42 No.857907810 >be me >the Fart Connoisseur >once tricked a lactose intolerant girl I was with into eating a 'dairy free' carbonara I made >f------ KEK >kept assuring her that it was fine to eat THE PR PART OF 23 KB JPG but I know she was onto me >ffw an hour and I can audibly hear her guts churning as the dairy reks her insides >can feel her anger towards me but I don't give a f--- >just want those farts >she excuses herself to the bathroom and I creep up to the door quietly >hear her immediately let one loose as she sits down to urinate >now I'm furious as I'm missing out on the good stuff >she comes out and we sit to watch a movie >grab a blanket and throw it over us >fartcocoon.flatulence >not long into the movie I hear the down under thunder >I say just let it out babe we're under the blanket >a few minutes go by and she shifts in her seat and cuts an impressive stink salute >I give it a few seconds then rip the blanket up and stick my head under >once the fragrance of poorly digested dairy and carbonara permeates my nostrils I can't control myself >it's like a potpourri of a--- Armageddon >l huff and sniff and get myself high on the fumes of her a------ >she's clearly shocked by my behaviour but I'm too addicted to care >explain to her that I f------ love farts >she gets a bit grossed out but l've perfected the art of smooth talking farts out of women >she relents and starts passing gas >l'm almost cooming because the stink is so good >she's very obviously weirded out but l'm a fiend on this stench >l eventually whip my c--- out and ask her to suck it >she leans over and gets down to business >she's sucking it hard and let's out another butthole banger and that's all it takes >l begin busting mega loads in her mouth after about a minute and a half >she swallows it and gets up >5 minutes later she says she needs to go home and leaves me with my d--- still out absolutely euphoric >such is the life of the FART CONNOISSEUR
Anonymous 06/29/21(Tue)12:14:42 No.857907810 >be me >the Fart Connoisseur >once tricked a lactose intolerant girl I was with into eating a 'dairy free' carbonara I made >f------ KEK >kept assuring her that it was fine to eat THE PR PART OF 23 KB JPG but I know she was onto me >ffw an hour and I can audibly hear her guts churning as the dairy reks her insides >can feel her anger towards me but I don't give a f--- >just want those farts >she excuses herself to the bathroom and I creep up to the door quietly >hear her immediately let one loose as she sits down to urinate >now I'm furious as I'm missing out on the good stuff >she comes out and we sit to watch a movie >grab a blanket and throw it over us >fartcocoon.flatulence >not long into the movie I hear the down under thunder >I say just let it out babe we're under the blanket >a few minutes go by and she shifts in her seat and cuts an impressive stink salute >I give it a few seconds then rip the blanket up and stick my head under >once the fragrance of poorly digested dairy and carbonara permeates my nostrils I can't control myself >it's like a potpourri of a--- Armageddon >l huff and sniff and get myself high on the fumes of her a------ >she's clearly shocked by my behaviour but I'm too addicted to care >explain to her that I f------ love farts >she gets a bit grossed out but l've perfected the art of smooth talking farts out of women >she relents and starts passing gas >l'm almost cooming because the stink is so good >she's very obviously weirded out but l'm a fiend on this stench >l eventually whip my c--- out and ask her to suck it >she leans over and gets down to business >she's sucking it hard and let's out another butthole banger and that's all it takes >l begin busting mega loads in her mouth after about a minute and a half >she swallows it and gets up >5 minutes later she says she needs to go home and leaves me with my d--- still out absolutely euphoric >such is the life of the FART CONNOISSEUR

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