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Anon is a time traveler | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/20/21(Sun)13:43:46 No.64229951 >2035 >literature class >greentexts are teaching material >you're reading this >f--- you, future f-- > 361 KB PNG >PS: Your teacher is right, that statement was a rebellion against our selfish and indifferent society!
: Anonymous 06/20/21(Sun)13:43:46 No.64229951 >2035 >literature class >greentexts are teaching material >you're reading this >f--- you, future f-- > 361 KB PNG >PS: Your teacher is right, that statement was a rebellion against our selfish and indifferent society!

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Anon is christened | /r/Greentext

R: 4 Why does everyone on here keep calling me anon or OP? My name is Bradley.
R: 4 Why does everyone on here keep calling me anon or OP? My name is Bradley.

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Anon creates his masterpiece | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/20/21(Sun)10:15:43 No.64228998 >be me >in 4th grade >teacher assigns us to write an essay in class >essays are graded on a rubric that rates them from 1 to 20 >i was absolutely determined to get the full 20 points >proceed to pour my heart and soul into that 62 KB JPG essay >turn in my masterpiece at the end of class >next day >teacher pulls me aside at the beginning of class >"anon, would it be fine if i showed your essay to the rest of the class as an example? i won't show your name on it so nobody would know you wrote it" >i tell her that it's fine to use my essay as an example >i return to my seat, thinking that i wrote that essay so damn well that the teacher has to show everyone my superior writing >i tell my friends that the essay the teacher is about to show the class was written by me >soon after the teacher starts talking >"okay class, in order to improve your writing skills, i'm going to show you all some example essays" >my essay comes up on the projector >"this is an example of an essay that got a 3" >mfw
: Anonymous 06/20/21(Sun)10:15:43 No.64228998 >be me >in 4th grade >teacher assigns us to write an essay in class >essays are graded on a rubric that rates them from 1 to 20 >i was absolutely determined to get the full 20 points >proceed to pour my heart and soul into that 62 KB JPG essay >turn in my masterpiece at the end of class >next day >teacher pulls me aside at the beginning of class >"anon, would it be fine if i showed your essay to the rest of the class as an example? i won't show your name on it so nobody would know you wrote it" >i tell her that it's fine to use my essay as an example >i return to my seat, thinking that i wrote that essay so damn well that the teacher has to show everyone my superior writing >i tell my friends that the essay the teacher is about to show the class was written by me >soon after the teacher starts talking >"okay class, in order to improve your writing skills, i'm going to show you all some example essays" >my essay comes up on the projector >"this is an example of an essay that got a 3" >mfw

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Anon can cry on demand | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/20/21(Sun)04:07:17 No.857249901 >realize I can make myself cry on command 307 KB PNG 5 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 06/20/21(Sun)04:12:13 No.857250064 >>857250014 # Bring a stranger your poo while crying and saying your baby refuses to breastfeed
: Anonymous 06/20/21(Sun)04:07:17 No.857249901 >realize I can make myself cry on command 307 KB PNG 5 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 06/20/21(Sun)04:12:13 No.857250064 >>857250014 # Bring a stranger your poo while crying and saying your baby refuses to breastfeed

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Anon goes outside | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/12/20(Tue)22:36:00 No.58122654 >go outside >see people with long hair >see people with t--- >see people wearing a dress >they're everywhere W-- guys I thought women were just a meme 280 KB PNG
: Anonymous 05/12/20(Tue)22:36:00 No.58122654 >go outside >see people with long hair >see people with t--- >see people wearing a dress >they're everywhere W-- guys I thought women were just a meme 280 KB PNG

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Anon discusses slavery | /r/Greentext

PeterSweden @PeterSweden7 · 3h Fact. White people abolished slavery. How come we never hear about this Q 300 t7519 O 2,729 Dolan Dark @DolanDark· 2h Who else was going to do it? The slaves? O60 t7365 7,833 He is right, y'know O Anonymous 06/20/21(Sun)03:14:28 No.20765306 D >>20765305 # >blacks >doing anything instead of waiting for someone to do it for them topkek
PeterSweden @PeterSweden7 · 3h Fact. White people abolished slavery. How come we never hear about this Q 300 t7519 O 2,729 Dolan Dark @DolanDark· 2h Who else was going to do it? The slaves? O60 t7365 7,833 He is right, y'know O Anonymous 06/20/21(Sun)03:14:28 No.20765306 D >>20765305 # >blacks >doing anything instead of waiting for someone to do it for them topkek

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Anon gives a compliment | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/20/21(Sun)05:25:44 No.64226425 >Cute gal looks at me. >Try to think of a non-cringy compliment. >Notice she has some wacky sandals on. >Think to compliment her on those. >"Hey, nice feet." comes out of my 124 KB PNG mouth instead. >See the look of disgust on her face >Instantly die inside.
: Anonymous 06/20/21(Sun)05:25:44 No.64226425 >Cute gal looks at me. >Try to think of a non-cringy compliment. >Notice she has some wacky sandals on. >Think to compliment her on those. >"Hey, nice feet." comes out of my 124 KB PNG mouth instead. >See the look of disgust on her face >Instantly die inside.

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Dark Souls | /r/Greentext


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Anon eats MREs | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 01/24/12(Tue)15:18 No. 126454520 [!]>126454864 >>126454985 >>126455075 >>126455555 File1327443484. gif-(8 KB, 645x773, 1324350713656. gif) igdb google >dad is in army >comes back from his tour of Irag >brought me a fortnight's worth of MRE's to eat >one whole week into eating nothing but MRE's, have to s--- so bad it's like an a--- apocalypse has set course for my butthole >stopped eating MRE's for a week, been over 120 hours since I last s--- >mother and father are concerned >l ask for laxatives, I desperately need them at this point >dad goes out and buys me an enema >so f------ p-----, don't understand how to use it >decide it's time >go into the big family bathroom, lock the door >sit down, spread my cheeks with my hands and push >it's not coming out >it's like a f------ Howitzer shell trapped between the headspace of a plumbing pipe already sewn shut with fecal matter >this becomes a life or death situation >begin clawing my butthole apart in a desperate attempt to break the massive turd into segments >at this point my a------ has stretched to the size of a pickle jar lid, the turd has still not met its time to come >my hands are soon covered in blood, shed from my virgin a------ >l begin crying and swearing at the enormous turd stuck in my ass >SUDDENLY >almost as if though a dam has burst >my anus literally turns into a wormhole bringing forth a cacophony of Lovecraftian horrors from beyond the veil of human understanding >with the force of ten million explosions, what could only be described as warm, liquid bloody fecal matter sprays all over my hands, legs, toilet and back >l lie devastated in a pool of liquid s--- with the bathroom door locked >the smell is unbearable >dad literally kicks down the door and drags me out >hospitalized for almost half a month due to my ass left in unrecognizable condition >spend my time shellshocked, feeling like a victim of the most violent r--- ever known to man And that is why I haven't touched an MRE in three years.
O Anonymous 01/24/12(Tue)15:18 No. 126454520 [!]>126454864 >>126454985 >>126455075 >>126455555 File1327443484. gif-(8 KB, 645x773, 1324350713656. gif) igdb google >dad is in army >comes back from his tour of Irag >brought me a fortnight's worth of MRE's to eat >one whole week into eating nothing but MRE's, have to s--- so bad it's like an a--- apocalypse has set course for my butthole >stopped eating MRE's for a week, been over 120 hours since I last s--- >mother and father are concerned >l ask for laxatives, I desperately need them at this point >dad goes out and buys me an enema >so f------ p-----, don't understand how to use it >decide it's time >go into the big family bathroom, lock the door >sit down, spread my cheeks with my hands and push >it's not coming out >it's like a f------ Howitzer shell trapped between the headspace of a plumbing pipe already sewn shut with fecal matter >this becomes a life or death situation >begin clawing my butthole apart in a desperate attempt to break the massive turd into segments >at this point my a------ has stretched to the size of a pickle jar lid, the turd has still not met its time to come >my hands are soon covered in blood, shed from my virgin a------ >l begin crying and swearing at the enormous turd stuck in my ass >SUDDENLY >almost as if though a dam has burst >my anus literally turns into a wormhole bringing forth a cacophony of Lovecraftian horrors from beyond the veil of human understanding >with the force of ten million explosions, what could only be described as warm, liquid bloody fecal matter sprays all over my hands, legs, toilet and back >l lie devastated in a pool of liquid s--- with the bathroom door locked >the smell is unbearable >dad literally kicks down the door and drags me out >hospitalized for almost half a month due to my ass left in unrecognizable condition >spend my time shellshocked, feeling like a victim of the most violent r--- ever known to man And that is why I haven't touched an MRE in three years.

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anon goes on a date | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/19/21(Sat)11:36:39 No.560533910 >be me >match with hot goth girl on Tinder >she's really confident and l'm pretty shy, but she seems to like me >Meet up for the first time >actually go to a graveyard and drink a bottle of wine >make out a little bit >she says she wants to come over to my apartment >I live right down the street so I say okay >she comes into my apartment >Sees my light up keyboard with custom keys and gaming mouse >she starts laughing hysterically and posts a picture of it on snapchat with the caption "oh..he has a light up keyboard..coooooool" >don't think she's being serious, lay down on the bed and tell her to join me >she just laughs and leaves without saying anything else >check her tinder account the next day >she added a picture of my keyboard to her tinder profile pictures >added to her bio "if you have a light up keyboard don't even bother swiping right." What did I do wrong? I didn't intentionally even get a light up keyboard I just built my pc last year and got new everything. Are most girls like this?
: Anonymous 06/19/21(Sat)11:36:39 No.560533910 >be me >match with hot goth girl on Tinder >she's really confident and l'm pretty shy, but she seems to like me >Meet up for the first time >actually go to a graveyard and drink a bottle of wine >make out a little bit >she says she wants to come over to my apartment >I live right down the street so I say okay >she comes into my apartment >Sees my light up keyboard with custom keys and gaming mouse >she starts laughing hysterically and posts a picture of it on snapchat with the caption "oh..he has a light up keyboard..coooooool" >don't think she's being serious, lay down on the bed and tell her to join me >she just laughs and leaves without saying anything else >check her tinder account the next day >she added a picture of my keyboard to her tinder profile pictures >added to her bio "if you have a light up keyboard don't even bother swiping right." What did I do wrong? I didn't intentionally even get a light up keyboard I just built my pc last year and got new everything. Are most girls like this?

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Ever think of that? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/24/19(Wed)20:20:53 No.52102802 >everyone you've ever met has taken a s--- 9 KB PNG 3 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 04/24/19(Wed)20:20:53 No.52102802 >everyone you've ever met has taken a s--- 9 KB PNG 3 Replies View Thread

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Anon is feeling ambitious | /r/Greentext

>be me >just graduated hs >gf and her best friend set up beach trip >originally invited best friends guy friend 44 KB PNG >he flakes >kind of a f-- >best friend seems more excited that its just the three of us >me and best friend 'dated' in middle school >just retarded middle school s--- but she was into me I guess >hasnt really ever shown interest in anyone before or after, even her prom date >spending five days in an out-of-state hotel >with two girls >on the beach >threesome possible? feel like its kinda being handed to me, what should I do? : Anonymous 06/19/21(Sat)18:21:58 No.857223889 Stay home and get topped by the other guy
>be me >just graduated hs >gf and her best friend set up beach trip >originally invited best friends guy friend 44 KB PNG >he flakes >kind of a f-- >best friend seems more excited that its just the three of us >me and best friend 'dated' in middle school >just retarded middle school s--- but she was into me I guess >hasnt really ever shown interest in anyone before or after, even her prom date >spending five days in an out-of-state hotel >with two girls >on the beach >threesome possible? feel like its kinda being handed to me, what should I do? : Anonymous 06/19/21(Sat)18:21:58 No.857223889 Stay home and get topped by the other guy

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Anon experiences youtube | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/03/21(Sun)02:09:07 No.843845416 066.png 69 KB PNG >decide to do ASMR videos >get banned from youtube for uploading 'ASMR roleplay: abortion clinic | lets scrap that fetus' Well that was a bust
: Anonymous 01/03/21(Sun)02:09:07 No.843845416 066.png 69 KB PNG >decide to do ASMR videos >get banned from youtube for uploading 'ASMR roleplay: abortion clinic | lets scrap that fetus' Well that was a bust

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Anon has a good day | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: p+SGNC4J) 06/14/21(Mon)01:21:06 No.125 >wake up >still not Br*tsh >day improves noticably 52 KB JPG
: Anonymous (ID: p+SGNC4J) 06/14/21(Mon)01:21:06 No.125 >wake up >still not Br*tsh >day improves noticably 52 KB JPG

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Anon had “friends” | /r/Greentext

>be me about 3 years ago >Have a group of good friends on discord >2 of them are gay and extremely toxic >have bad anxiety and depression >2 friends bully me for it >have anxiety attacks because of it >they're also extremely manipulative and 10 KB JPG made me stop being friends with a long term friend because of it >Eventually stop being friends with them after I realized what they were doing >Eventually get therapy for depression and move on >Few years later the trauma comes back secretly >every time I talk to a gay person I have an anxiety attack because ptsd >eventually stop talking to gay people because of it >mfw because of trauma I can't talk to gay people
>be me about 3 years ago >Have a group of good friends on discord >2 of them are gay and extremely toxic >have bad anxiety and depression >2 friends bully me for it >have anxiety attacks because of it >they're also extremely manipulative and 10 KB JPG made me stop being friends with a long term friend because of it >Eventually stop being friends with them after I realized what they were doing >Eventually get therapy for depression and move on >Few years later the trauma comes back secretly >every time I talk to a gay person I have an anxiety attack because ptsd >eventually stop talking to gay people because of it >mfw because of trauma I can't talk to gay people

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The JRE in a nutshell. | /r/Greentext


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Anon is autistic | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/11/21(Fri)15:43:24 No.856609866 >be me, early 20s >be asked about my interests >start to say "skyrim, lifting and DnD" >realize I sound like one of you f---- >say "uhh basketball?" 40 KB JPG F--- all of you
: Anonymous 06/11/21(Fri)15:43:24 No.856609866 >be me, early 20s >be asked about my interests >start to say "skyrim, lifting and DnD" >realize I sound like one of you f---- >say "uhh basketball?" 40 KB JPG F--- all of you

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anon starts a family | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: Hl19H5UH ) 06/19/21(Sat)12:01:33 No.37809683 ► >>37809782 >>37809847 >>37810993 File: EzfjZhmWUAEB37z.png (458 KB, 2048x1692) >>37807574 (OP) >be billionaire >know that it costs like $300k to raise a kid >also know that it only costs like $5 milly to retire comfortably >that means you have $995 million to spend on your plan >place an ad offering $500,000 to carry a child to term >pretty good deal for the woman in poverty who could really use $200k and wants a no- cost kid with a billionaire >do this 1990 times >have 1990 kids >have more offspring than any king or pharaoh who ever lived >in 200 years every person on earth is a descendant of yours how do billionaires not do this?
Anonymous (ID: Hl19H5UH ) 06/19/21(Sat)12:01:33 No.37809683 ► >>37809782 >>37809847 >>37810993 File: EzfjZhmWUAEB37z.png (458 KB, 2048x1692) >>37807574 (OP) >be billionaire >know that it costs like $300k to raise a kid >also know that it only costs like $5 milly to retire comfortably >that means you have $995 million to spend on your plan >place an ad offering $500,000 to carry a child to term >pretty good deal for the woman in poverty who could really use $200k and wants a no- cost kid with a billionaire >do this 1990 times >have 1990 kids >have more offspring than any king or pharaoh who ever lived >in 200 years every person on earth is a descendant of yours how do billionaires not do this?

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Anon gets nickname | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/08/21(Mon)15:48:41 No.849117527 >be me >Halloween a few years back >Go as a mf wizard >Blue wizard hat w stars and moons n s--- >Blue snuggie i glued velvet stars and moons to >Gettin all the mires from the qts >"Wow anon i love ur costume" >"Thats such a creative costume" >Bitches tryna talk to me all night >Commence festive holiday drinking >See a guy dressed as chef boyardee >Hes got a sack of chef boyardee raviolis >bet him 5 bucks i can chug an entire can of ravioli >He says hes only got 4 dollars >Crack the raviolis and chug like theres no tomorrow >No need to chew, theyre basically lil jello shots >All the females around are now officially disgusted >Disregard females, acquire a free meal and 4 dollarydoos >All the guys at the party now call my the ravioli wizard >>849120106 # >>849125934 #
: Anonymous 03/08/21(Mon)15:48:41 No.849117527 >be me >Halloween a few years back >Go as a mf wizard >Blue wizard hat w stars and moons n s--- >Blue snuggie i glued velvet stars and moons to >Gettin all the mires from the qts >"Wow anon i love ur costume" >"Thats such a creative costume" >Bitches tryna talk to me all night >Commence festive holiday drinking >See a guy dressed as chef boyardee >Hes got a sack of chef boyardee raviolis >bet him 5 bucks i can chug an entire can of ravioli >He says hes only got 4 dollars >Crack the raviolis and chug like theres no tomorrow >No need to chew, theyre basically lil jello shots >All the females around are now officially disgusted >Disregard females, acquire a free meal and 4 dollarydoos >All the guys at the party now call my the ravioli wizard >>849120106 # >>849125934 #

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The Gondorian Psycho | /r/Greentext

File: 2FC55D7E-3CE5-4C4E-9A68-F1810951C310.jpg (558 KB, 1920x800) O Itv/ Anonymous 06/17/21(Thu)22:46:56 No.152468803 [Reply] >Look at that subtle off-gold colouring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh Eru, it even has an inscription. >> Anonymous 06/17/21(Thu)23:12:08 No.152469645 File: 1601794079080.png (554 KB, 750x314) >Aragorn, it's Boromir. You're my brother, my captain and my king so I think you should know: I've killed a lot of people. Some Uruk-Hai in Amon Hen uptown uh, some orcs, maybe 5 or 10, um, a goblin I ran into in the Mines of Moria. I left him in a pile of rubble behind some dwarf's grave. I killed another goblin with an axe, I had to, he almost got away and uh someone else there I can't remember maybe a hobbit, but he's dead too. Tonight I, uh, I just had to kill a LOT of people. And I'm not sure l'm gonna get away with it this time. I guess, I guess l'm a pretty sick guy. So, if you get back tomorrow, I may show up at Minas Tirith, so you know, keep your eyes open.
File: 2FC55D7E-3CE5-4C4E-9A68-F1810951C310.jpg (558 KB, 1920x800) O Itv/ Anonymous 06/17/21(Thu)22:46:56 No.152468803 [Reply] >Look at that subtle off-gold colouring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh Eru, it even has an inscription. >> Anonymous 06/17/21(Thu)23:12:08 No.152469645 File: 1601794079080.png (554 KB, 750x314) >Aragorn, it's Boromir. You're my brother, my captain and my king so I think you should know: I've killed a lot of people. Some Uruk-Hai in Amon Hen uptown uh, some orcs, maybe 5 or 10, um, a goblin I ran into in the Mines of Moria. I left him in a pile of rubble behind some dwarf's grave. I killed another goblin with an axe, I had to, he almost got away and uh someone else there I can't remember maybe a hobbit, but he's dead too. Tonight I, uh, I just had to kill a LOT of people. And I'm not sure l'm gonna get away with it this time. I guess, I guess l'm a pretty sick guy. So, if you get back tomorrow, I may show up at Minas Tirith, so you know, keep your eyes open.

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