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Anon commits frog Holocaust | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I'm sorry frogs please forgive(...) 06/17/21(Thu)23:56:27 No.383811 I'm really goddamn sorry frogs >be me >maybe 10 or 11 >hundreds of little tree frogs used to play and frolic outside my parents house >decide to see how many I can put 110 KB JPG in a 5 gallon bucket >go around the house for an hour >collect over 50 cute, delicate little froggys >favorite stuffed animal as a baby was a frog >remember a cool trick my friend from school showed me >get the ingredients together >using a spray paint can and a lighter, I prepare to commit mass murder inside the bucket >bend down 90 degrees directly over the bucket and fire >send over 50 frogs to an agonizing death with one fire paint blast >paint fireball launches straight out of the bucket and into my face >with the smell of the Holocaust, I lose my eyebrows, eyelashes, some hair >fell to the ground and sat in silence for a couple minutes thinking about what I had just done >clean everything up >feel no remorse and forget about it for years to come >peer over and watch as the survivors writhe >their charred skins covered in black paint >suddenly remember many years later >feel really goddamn bad about it How do I make it up to the frogs, I'm sorry
: Anonymous I'm sorry frogs please forgive(...) 06/17/21(Thu)23:56:27 No.383811 I'm really goddamn sorry frogs >be me >maybe 10 or 11 >hundreds of little tree frogs used to play and frolic outside my parents house >decide to see how many I can put 110 KB JPG in a 5 gallon bucket >go around the house for an hour >collect over 50 cute, delicate little froggys >favorite stuffed animal as a baby was a frog >remember a cool trick my friend from school showed me >get the ingredients together >using a spray paint can and a lighter, I prepare to commit mass murder inside the bucket >bend down 90 degrees directly over the bucket and fire >send over 50 frogs to an agonizing death with one fire paint blast >paint fireball launches straight out of the bucket and into my face >with the smell of the Holocaust, I lose my eyebrows, eyelashes, some hair >fell to the ground and sat in silence for a couple minutes thinking about what I had just done >clean everything up >feel no remorse and forget about it for years to come >peer over and watch as the survivors writhe >their charred skins covered in black paint >suddenly remember many years later >feel really goddamn bad about it How do I make it up to the frogs, I'm sorry

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anon reads Harry Potter | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/14/20(Wed)23:59:29 No.140724042 >"HARRY POTTER DIDYA PUTCHER F-----' NAME INDA GOBLET A' FIYAH!?" >"No sir, I-l didn't!" Harry pleaded. >"LIAR! APOSTATE! BLASPHEMER!" Dumbledore 119 KB JPG roared in Harry's face. >This cannot be tolerated, Potter! You have defiled the holy sacrament of the Tri-Wizard Tournament! Now all of Hogwarts is at risk!" >The students' faces turned pale as a ghost, and audible whispers and gasped could be heard from the crowd. >'SILENCE!" Dumbledore declared. "Mr. Potter has committed an unforgivable sin. We all know what must be done. The Great Goblet's wrath must be appeased." >"NO HEADMASTER, PLEASE! TAKE ME INSTEAD!" Ron cried, running towards Harry and Dumbledore. >"AVADA KEDAVRA!" Dumbledore's wand unleashed the killing curse, and Ron's lifeless body crumpled to the floor. The students screamed in horror. >"SILENCE, YOU FOOLISH CHILDREN! SILENCE!" Dumbledore screamed calmly. >Snape seized Harry by the arm and dragged him to the Goblet. Dumbledore carefully took hold of the Goblet, lowering it from its pedestal onto a gold-trimmed square of silk fabric on the floor. Snape forced Harry into a kneeling position, his neck position directly over the Goblet. Dumbledore stood over Harry. He and the students began to chant in unison. >"0 Great and Mighty Goblet of Fire, grant mercy to us, your unworthy servants. Accept this recompense of blood, in exchange for the sins of Hogwarts. Let the death of this blasphemer satisfy your vengeance." >Snape unsheathed a ritual athame, and seizing Harry by his scalp began to cut his throat open. Blood gushed out into the Goblet as Harry gurgled in pain. .this recompense of blood, in exchange for.." >The flow of blood trickled off. Harry was dead. The chanting ceased, and Dumbledore turned to address the crowd of students. >"May the death of your classmate, Harry Potter, serve as a reminder of where you stand. We serve the Goblet of Fire. The Goblet is our master." >The chanted, and chanted, and chanted.. oblet our master..." The students >>140724184 # >»140724309 # >>140724913 # >>140726190 # >>140726492 # »140728617 # >>140728877 # >>140730182 # >>140731340 # 2»140731457 # >>140731813 # >>140735238 # >>140737011 # >>140738002 # >>140746851 # >>140749889 # >>140752724 # >>140759867 # >140759994 #
: Anonymous 10/14/20(Wed)23:59:29 No.140724042 >"HARRY POTTER DIDYA PUTCHER F-----' NAME INDA GOBLET A' FIYAH!?" >"No sir, I-l didn't!" Harry pleaded. >"LIAR! APOSTATE! BLASPHEMER!" Dumbledore 119 KB JPG roared in Harry's face. >This cannot be tolerated, Potter! You have defiled the holy sacrament of the Tri-Wizard Tournament! Now all of Hogwarts is at risk!" >The students' faces turned pale as a ghost, and audible whispers and gasped could be heard from the crowd. >'SILENCE!" Dumbledore declared. "Mr. Potter has committed an unforgivable sin. We all know what must be done. The Great Goblet's wrath must be appeased." >"NO HEADMASTER, PLEASE! TAKE ME INSTEAD!" Ron cried, running towards Harry and Dumbledore. >"AVADA KEDAVRA!" Dumbledore's wand unleashed the killing curse, and Ron's lifeless body crumpled to the floor. The students screamed in horror. >"SILENCE, YOU FOOLISH CHILDREN! SILENCE!" Dumbledore screamed calmly. >Snape seized Harry by the arm and dragged him to the Goblet. Dumbledore carefully took hold of the Goblet, lowering it from its pedestal onto a gold-trimmed square of silk fabric on the floor. Snape forced Harry into a kneeling position, his neck position directly over the Goblet. Dumbledore stood over Harry. He and the students began to chant in unison. >"0 Great and Mighty Goblet of Fire, grant mercy to us, your unworthy servants. Accept this recompense of blood, in exchange for the sins of Hogwarts. Let the death of this blasphemer satisfy your vengeance." >Snape unsheathed a ritual athame, and seizing Harry by his scalp began to cut his throat open. Blood gushed out into the Goblet as Harry gurgled in pain. .this recompense of blood, in exchange for.." >The flow of blood trickled off. Harry was dead. The chanting ceased, and Dumbledore turned to address the crowd of students. >"May the death of your classmate, Harry Potter, serve as a reminder of where you stand. We serve the Goblet of Fire. The Goblet is our master." >The chanted, and chanted, and chanted.. oblet our master..." The students >>140724184 # >»140724309 # >>140724913 # >>140726190 # >>140726492 # »140728617 # >>140728877 # >>140730182 # >>140731340 # 2»140731457 # >>140731813 # >>140735238 # >>140737011 # >>140738002 # >>140746851 # >>140749889 # >>140752724 # >>140759867 # >140759994 #

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Anon is prehistoric | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/01/21(Tue)17:22:16 No.63953020 >grug lose job >chief gives grug shiny rock for no work >everyone say grug being good for stay in cave and get no work rocks >one summer later >everyone mad at grug for still get no work rocks 42 KB JPG >no enough grugs to work because of no work rocks >grug staying on no work rocks until he no get them anymore Get clubbed rockcucks. Grug on vacation.
Anonymous 06/01/21(Tue)17:22:16 No.63953020 >grug lose job >chief gives grug shiny rock for no work >everyone say grug being good for stay in cave and get no work rocks >one summer later >everyone mad at grug for still get no work rocks 42 KB JPG >no enough grugs to work because of no work rocks >grug staying on no work rocks until he no get them anymore Get clubbed rockcucks. Grug on vacation.

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Anon is grossed out | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/19/21(Sat)21:46:31 No.64221029 >girls have to go to the bathroom >suddenly lose interest in women 15 KB JPG
: Anonymous 06/19/21(Sat)21:46:31 No.64221029 >girls have to go to the bathroom >suddenly lose interest in women 15 KB JPG

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Anon's brother sees his greentext | /r/Greentext

Franklin >be me Goes to Siberian Gulag >write greentext resuming my s----- life >next day >hear brother laughing hyserically in his room 1005 KB JPG >go to see what the f--- he's doing >mfw he's on reddit >mfw i see my greentext >mfw he says the guy that wrote it is a f------ loser and should kill himself What do anons
Franklin >be me Goes to Siberian Gulag >write greentext resuming my s----- life >next day >hear brother laughing hyserically in his room 1005 KB JPG >go to see what the f--- he's doing >mfw he's on reddit >mfw i see my greentext >mfw he says the guy that wrote it is a f------ loser and should kill himself What do anons

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Anon is missing the body of Christ | /r/Greentext

drakenjosh.jpg 174 KB JPG >"Drake?" >"What?" >"Where is the body of Christ?"
drakenjosh.jpg 174 KB JPG >"Drake?" >"What?" >"Where is the body of Christ?"

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Anon is Greg | /r/Greentext

I Anonymous 01/11/19(Fri)09:57:51 No.78 >be me >greg 48 KB JPG
I Anonymous 01/11/19(Fri)09:57:51 No.78 >be me >greg 48 KB JPG

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Anon likes peaches | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: DnPhzBcN 06/20/21(Sun)20:32:27 No.12989285 >walking down the road yesterday >'man i could go for a nice fresh peach' >hear knock on the door today >neighbor comes in to give me a plate of peaches >"t-t-thank you" "want some more?" "n no thanks its plenty" 59 KB PNG >have peaches thank you kind lady im sorry for being an awkward autist around you
: Anonymous (ID: DnPhzBcN 06/20/21(Sun)20:32:27 No.12989285 >walking down the road yesterday >'man i could go for a nice fresh peach' >hear knock on the door today >neighbor comes in to give me a plate of peaches >"t-t-thank you" "want some more?" "n no thanks its plenty" 59 KB PNG >have peaches thank you kind lady im sorry for being an awkward autist around you

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Anon is a time traveler | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/20/21(Sun)13:43:46 No.64229951 >2035 >literature class >greentexts are teaching material >you're reading this >f--- you, future f-- > 361 KB PNG >PS: Your teacher is right, that statement was a rebellion against our selfish and indifferent society!
: Anonymous 06/20/21(Sun)13:43:46 No.64229951 >2035 >literature class >greentexts are teaching material >you're reading this >f--- you, future f-- > 361 KB PNG >PS: Your teacher is right, that statement was a rebellion against our selfish and indifferent society!

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Anon is christened | /r/Greentext

R: 4 Why does everyone on here keep calling me anon or OP? My name is Bradley.
R: 4 Why does everyone on here keep calling me anon or OP? My name is Bradley.

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Anon creates his masterpiece | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/20/21(Sun)10:15:43 No.64228998 >be me >in 4th grade >teacher assigns us to write an essay in class >essays are graded on a rubric that rates them from 1 to 20 >i was absolutely determined to get the full 20 points >proceed to pour my heart and soul into that 62 KB JPG essay >turn in my masterpiece at the end of class >next day >teacher pulls me aside at the beginning of class >"anon, would it be fine if i showed your essay to the rest of the class as an example? i won't show your name on it so nobody would know you wrote it" >i tell her that it's fine to use my essay as an example >i return to my seat, thinking that i wrote that essay so damn well that the teacher has to show everyone my superior writing >i tell my friends that the essay the teacher is about to show the class was written by me >soon after the teacher starts talking >"okay class, in order to improve your writing skills, i'm going to show you all some example essays" >my essay comes up on the projector >"this is an example of an essay that got a 3" >mfw
: Anonymous 06/20/21(Sun)10:15:43 No.64228998 >be me >in 4th grade >teacher assigns us to write an essay in class >essays are graded on a rubric that rates them from 1 to 20 >i was absolutely determined to get the full 20 points >proceed to pour my heart and soul into that 62 KB JPG essay >turn in my masterpiece at the end of class >next day >teacher pulls me aside at the beginning of class >"anon, would it be fine if i showed your essay to the rest of the class as an example? i won't show your name on it so nobody would know you wrote it" >i tell her that it's fine to use my essay as an example >i return to my seat, thinking that i wrote that essay so damn well that the teacher has to show everyone my superior writing >i tell my friends that the essay the teacher is about to show the class was written by me >soon after the teacher starts talking >"okay class, in order to improve your writing skills, i'm going to show you all some example essays" >my essay comes up on the projector >"this is an example of an essay that got a 3" >mfw

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Anon can cry on demand | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/20/21(Sun)04:07:17 No.857249901 >realize I can make myself cry on command 307 KB PNG 5 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 06/20/21(Sun)04:12:13 No.857250064 >>857250014 # Bring a stranger your poo while crying and saying your baby refuses to breastfeed
: Anonymous 06/20/21(Sun)04:07:17 No.857249901 >realize I can make myself cry on command 307 KB PNG 5 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 06/20/21(Sun)04:12:13 No.857250064 >>857250014 # Bring a stranger your poo while crying and saying your baby refuses to breastfeed

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Anon goes outside | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/12/20(Tue)22:36:00 No.58122654 >go outside >see people with long hair >see people with t--- >see people wearing a dress >they're everywhere W-- guys I thought women were just a meme 280 KB PNG
: Anonymous 05/12/20(Tue)22:36:00 No.58122654 >go outside >see people with long hair >see people with t--- >see people wearing a dress >they're everywhere W-- guys I thought women were just a meme 280 KB PNG

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Anon discusses slavery | /r/Greentext

PeterSweden @PeterSweden7 · 3h Fact. White people abolished slavery. How come we never hear about this Q 300 t7519 O 2,729 Dolan Dark @DolanDark· 2h Who else was going to do it? The slaves? O60 t7365 7,833 He is right, y'know O Anonymous 06/20/21(Sun)03:14:28 No.20765306 D >>20765305 # >blacks >doing anything instead of waiting for someone to do it for them topkek
PeterSweden @PeterSweden7 · 3h Fact. White people abolished slavery. How come we never hear about this Q 300 t7519 O 2,729 Dolan Dark @DolanDark· 2h Who else was going to do it? The slaves? O60 t7365 7,833 He is right, y'know O Anonymous 06/20/21(Sun)03:14:28 No.20765306 D >>20765305 # >blacks >doing anything instead of waiting for someone to do it for them topkek

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Anon gives a compliment | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/20/21(Sun)05:25:44 No.64226425 >Cute gal looks at me. >Try to think of a non-cringy compliment. >Notice she has some wacky sandals on. >Think to compliment her on those. >"Hey, nice feet." comes out of my 124 KB PNG mouth instead. >See the look of disgust on her face >Instantly die inside.
: Anonymous 06/20/21(Sun)05:25:44 No.64226425 >Cute gal looks at me. >Try to think of a non-cringy compliment. >Notice she has some wacky sandals on. >Think to compliment her on those. >"Hey, nice feet." comes out of my 124 KB PNG mouth instead. >See the look of disgust on her face >Instantly die inside.

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Dark Souls | /r/Greentext


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Anon eats MREs | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 01/24/12(Tue)15:18 No. 126454520 [!]>126454864 >>126454985 >>126455075 >>126455555 File1327443484. gif-(8 KB, 645x773, 1324350713656. gif) igdb google >dad is in army >comes back from his tour of Irag >brought me a fortnight's worth of MRE's to eat >one whole week into eating nothing but MRE's, have to s--- so bad it's like an a--- apocalypse has set course for my butthole >stopped eating MRE's for a week, been over 120 hours since I last s--- >mother and father are concerned >l ask for laxatives, I desperately need them at this point >dad goes out and buys me an enema >so f------ p-----, don't understand how to use it >decide it's time >go into the big family bathroom, lock the door >sit down, spread my cheeks with my hands and push >it's not coming out >it's like a f------ Howitzer shell trapped between the headspace of a plumbing pipe already sewn shut with fecal matter >this becomes a life or death situation >begin clawing my butthole apart in a desperate attempt to break the massive turd into segments >at this point my a------ has stretched to the size of a pickle jar lid, the turd has still not met its time to come >my hands are soon covered in blood, shed from my virgin a------ >l begin crying and swearing at the enormous turd stuck in my ass >SUDDENLY >almost as if though a dam has burst >my anus literally turns into a wormhole bringing forth a cacophony of Lovecraftian horrors from beyond the veil of human understanding >with the force of ten million explosions, what could only be described as warm, liquid bloody fecal matter sprays all over my hands, legs, toilet and back >l lie devastated in a pool of liquid s--- with the bathroom door locked >the smell is unbearable >dad literally kicks down the door and drags me out >hospitalized for almost half a month due to my ass left in unrecognizable condition >spend my time shellshocked, feeling like a victim of the most violent r--- ever known to man And that is why I haven't touched an MRE in three years.
O Anonymous 01/24/12(Tue)15:18 No. 126454520 [!]>126454864 >>126454985 >>126455075 >>126455555 File1327443484. gif-(8 KB, 645x773, 1324350713656. gif) igdb google >dad is in army >comes back from his tour of Irag >brought me a fortnight's worth of MRE's to eat >one whole week into eating nothing but MRE's, have to s--- so bad it's like an a--- apocalypse has set course for my butthole >stopped eating MRE's for a week, been over 120 hours since I last s--- >mother and father are concerned >l ask for laxatives, I desperately need them at this point >dad goes out and buys me an enema >so f------ p-----, don't understand how to use it >decide it's time >go into the big family bathroom, lock the door >sit down, spread my cheeks with my hands and push >it's not coming out >it's like a f------ Howitzer shell trapped between the headspace of a plumbing pipe already sewn shut with fecal matter >this becomes a life or death situation >begin clawing my butthole apart in a desperate attempt to break the massive turd into segments >at this point my a------ has stretched to the size of a pickle jar lid, the turd has still not met its time to come >my hands are soon covered in blood, shed from my virgin a------ >l begin crying and swearing at the enormous turd stuck in my ass >SUDDENLY >almost as if though a dam has burst >my anus literally turns into a wormhole bringing forth a cacophony of Lovecraftian horrors from beyond the veil of human understanding >with the force of ten million explosions, what could only be described as warm, liquid bloody fecal matter sprays all over my hands, legs, toilet and back >l lie devastated in a pool of liquid s--- with the bathroom door locked >the smell is unbearable >dad literally kicks down the door and drags me out >hospitalized for almost half a month due to my ass left in unrecognizable condition >spend my time shellshocked, feeling like a victim of the most violent r--- ever known to man And that is why I haven't touched an MRE in three years.

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anon goes on a date | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/19/21(Sat)11:36:39 No.560533910 >be me >match with hot goth girl on Tinder >she's really confident and l'm pretty shy, but she seems to like me >Meet up for the first time >actually go to a graveyard and drink a bottle of wine >make out a little bit >she says she wants to come over to my apartment >I live right down the street so I say okay >she comes into my apartment >Sees my light up keyboard with custom keys and gaming mouse >she starts laughing hysterically and posts a picture of it on snapchat with the caption "oh..he has a light up keyboard..coooooool" >don't think she's being serious, lay down on the bed and tell her to join me >she just laughs and leaves without saying anything else >check her tinder account the next day >she added a picture of my keyboard to her tinder profile pictures >added to her bio "if you have a light up keyboard don't even bother swiping right." What did I do wrong? I didn't intentionally even get a light up keyboard I just built my pc last year and got new everything. Are most girls like this?
: Anonymous 06/19/21(Sat)11:36:39 No.560533910 >be me >match with hot goth girl on Tinder >she's really confident and l'm pretty shy, but she seems to like me >Meet up for the first time >actually go to a graveyard and drink a bottle of wine >make out a little bit >she says she wants to come over to my apartment >I live right down the street so I say okay >she comes into my apartment >Sees my light up keyboard with custom keys and gaming mouse >she starts laughing hysterically and posts a picture of it on snapchat with the caption "oh..he has a light up keyboard..coooooool" >don't think she's being serious, lay down on the bed and tell her to join me >she just laughs and leaves without saying anything else >check her tinder account the next day >she added a picture of my keyboard to her tinder profile pictures >added to her bio "if you have a light up keyboard don't even bother swiping right." What did I do wrong? I didn't intentionally even get a light up keyboard I just built my pc last year and got new everything. Are most girls like this?

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Ever think of that? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/24/19(Wed)20:20:53 No.52102802 >everyone you've ever met has taken a s--- 9 KB PNG 3 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 04/24/19(Wed)20:20:53 No.52102802 >everyone you've ever met has taken a s--- 9 KB PNG 3 Replies View Thread

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Anon is feeling ambitious | /r/Greentext

>be me >just graduated hs >gf and her best friend set up beach trip >originally invited best friends guy friend 44 KB PNG >he flakes >kind of a f-- >best friend seems more excited that its just the three of us >me and best friend 'dated' in middle school >just retarded middle school s--- but she was into me I guess >hasnt really ever shown interest in anyone before or after, even her prom date >spending five days in an out-of-state hotel >with two girls >on the beach >threesome possible? feel like its kinda being handed to me, what should I do? : Anonymous 06/19/21(Sat)18:21:58 No.857223889 Stay home and get topped by the other guy
>be me >just graduated hs >gf and her best friend set up beach trip >originally invited best friends guy friend 44 KB PNG >he flakes >kind of a f-- >best friend seems more excited that its just the three of us >me and best friend 'dated' in middle school >just retarded middle school s--- but she was into me I guess >hasnt really ever shown interest in anyone before or after, even her prom date >spending five days in an out-of-state hotel >with two girls >on the beach >threesome possible? feel like its kinda being handed to me, what should I do? : Anonymous 06/19/21(Sat)18:21:58 No.857223889 Stay home and get topped by the other guy

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