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Anon had a crazy school year | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/16/21(Wed)23:17:21 No.123821274 >be me >parents were killed by a serial killer when I was 16 months old >attend private school >second year >autistic teacher comes up with the genius 148 KB JPG idea to have a class where we learn how to defend ourselves >get paired up with bratty f----- guy who always picks on my friends because his parents are sociopaths who spoiled him >n---- summons a dwarf >everyone s---- their pants >dwarf about to r--- one of my classmates Justin >tell the little f----- to leave him alone >wtfitunderstandsme.png >depressed teacher steps on the dwarf killing it >everyone thinks I told the dwarf to r--- Justin so no friends by next week >start hearing dwarf voices from the wall >"r--- r--- r--- them, r--- them yes" >whattheactualfuck.jpg >find a ghost who was r---- so hard he died...again >chat with giant spider in the backyard who tells me a rare giant dwarf lives under the school >leave after his children get hit by a drunk driver >descend into sewer system >find giant dwarf >it's about to r--- me >headmaster's big red pigeon saves me then I pull out my UNO reverse card and facefuck the giant dwarf to death >emerge >hero of the school >have friends again what a year, I wonder what the remaining five years in this school will be like
: Anonymous 06/16/21(Wed)23:17:21 No.123821274 >be me >parents were killed by a serial killer when I was 16 months old >attend private school >second year >autistic teacher comes up with the genius 148 KB JPG idea to have a class where we learn how to defend ourselves >get paired up with bratty f----- guy who always picks on my friends because his parents are sociopaths who spoiled him >n---- summons a dwarf >everyone s---- their pants >dwarf about to r--- one of my classmates Justin >tell the little f----- to leave him alone >wtfitunderstandsme.png >depressed teacher steps on the dwarf killing it >everyone thinks I told the dwarf to r--- Justin so no friends by next week >start hearing dwarf voices from the wall >"r--- r--- r--- them, r--- them yes" >whattheactualfuck.jpg >find a ghost who was r---- so hard he died...again >chat with giant spider in the backyard who tells me a rare giant dwarf lives under the school >leave after his children get hit by a drunk driver >descend into sewer system >find giant dwarf >it's about to r--- me >headmaster's big red pigeon saves me then I pull out my UNO reverse card and facefuck the giant dwarf to death >emerge >hero of the school >have friends again what a year, I wonder what the remaining five years in this school will be like

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Anon thinks about an old friend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/16/21(Wed)22:07:59 No.857005519 >be me >like 11, 6th grade >friend on Xbox live from another part of the world, he has a bit of an accent but I play with him regularly for one summer >he tells me he's been soda pressed 60 KB JPG >not sure what it is >tells me multiple times his whole life is soda pressing, he's suffering from da pressure of it all >i ask him why he's so into making homemade soda >he chuckles kinda sadly and tells me it was always fun playing with me >notice after a few weeks he hadn't been online >kinda forget about it >10 years later I think about it and realize he was saying so depressed >he was suffering from depression >last online 11 years ago >he probly killed himself >homemade soda
: Anonymous 06/16/21(Wed)22:07:59 No.857005519 >be me >like 11, 6th grade >friend on Xbox live from another part of the world, he has a bit of an accent but I play with him regularly for one summer >he tells me he's been soda pressed 60 KB JPG >not sure what it is >tells me multiple times his whole life is soda pressing, he's suffering from da pressure of it all >i ask him why he's so into making homemade soda >he chuckles kinda sadly and tells me it was always fun playing with me >notice after a few weeks he hadn't been online >kinda forget about it >10 years later I think about it and realize he was saying so depressed >he was suffering from depression >last online 11 years ago >he probly killed himself >homemade soda

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Anon is American | /r/Greentext

At least 17 dead in US school shooting US & CANADA 1518715783500.jpg 583 KB JPG >be american >17 people die >American students do a celebratory conga
At least 17 dead in US school shooting US & CANADA 1518715783500.jpg 583 KB JPG >be american >17 people die >American students do a celebratory conga

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Anon joins BLM | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/16/21(Wed)22:45:02 No.857007637 >Go to BLM "protest" >Just a bunch of kids college giving testimonials, speeches >Average age probably around 20 >Says I should share my story >I'm white AF, live in a good (white) neighborhood >Worked hard to get where I am now 31 KB JPG >Make some more s--- up. >Say I lost a friend of mine a few years ago due to police >Wasn't allowed to be friends with a black kid growing up >Lie out my ass some more, don't remember details >Make up s--- about oppression and how the government is in on it >Everyone believes me >Still riding the adrenaline high >Cute chick comes over >Congratulates me on being so brave >Set up a date for Friday night H--------, I should have gone to more of these "protests". Black chicks eat this s--- it up. Work for anyone else? View Thread
: Anonymous 06/16/21(Wed)22:45:02 No.857007637 >Go to BLM "protest" >Just a bunch of kids college giving testimonials, speeches >Average age probably around 20 >Says I should share my story >I'm white AF, live in a good (white) neighborhood >Worked hard to get where I am now 31 KB JPG >Make some more s--- up. >Say I lost a friend of mine a few years ago due to police >Wasn't allowed to be friends with a black kid growing up >Lie out my ass some more, don't remember details >Make up s--- about oppression and how the government is in on it >Everyone believes me >Still riding the adrenaline high >Cute chick comes over >Congratulates me on being so brave >Set up a date for Friday night H--------, I should have gone to more of these "protests". Black chicks eat this s--- it up. Work for anyone else? View Thread

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Anon screws us all | /r/Greentext

! Anonymous 12/02/18(Sun)20:06:00 No.786421510 >be caveman >have little d--- >chads wife makes fun of me for it >says i have to cover it with little leaf >chad laughs >get mad one day >kill chadgar 53 кв JPG >take his wife >r--- her >she gets pregnant >eventually stockholms and realizes she needs me to survive >continue to fertilize her loins >fall in love >we have like 10 kids >really care about her >she gets sick one day >take her to shaman >shaman says we need bark, not sure why >get bark >he mixes it up and we drink it >says we will see the future and via the visions he can determine whats wrong with her >nothing happens for a while >start seeing something >ohshit.jpg >see my father and grandfather >they are holding a torch >i see their whole lives while they are holding it >passes it to me, I see my whole life from beginning to end >pass it to one of my kids >see their lives >all of a sudden a million torches light up in the night, all being passed >im overwhelmed >i start crying >wife dies >cry some more >eventually get sober, leave the shaman and walk back to my cave >see my 10 kids >i hold them all, trying to explain what happened >we all start crying >notice something >all my kids have little d---- too >ohshit.png >realize what I've done >mfw I accidentally gave millions of guys in the future my tiny d--- genes
! Anonymous 12/02/18(Sun)20:06:00 No.786421510 >be caveman >have little d--- >chads wife makes fun of me for it >says i have to cover it with little leaf >chad laughs >get mad one day >kill chadgar 53 кв JPG >take his wife >r--- her >she gets pregnant >eventually stockholms and realizes she needs me to survive >continue to fertilize her loins >fall in love >we have like 10 kids >really care about her >she gets sick one day >take her to shaman >shaman says we need bark, not sure why >get bark >he mixes it up and we drink it >says we will see the future and via the visions he can determine whats wrong with her >nothing happens for a while >start seeing something >ohshit.jpg >see my father and grandfather >they are holding a torch >i see their whole lives while they are holding it >passes it to me, I see my whole life from beginning to end >pass it to one of my kids >see their lives >all of a sudden a million torches light up in the night, all being passed >im overwhelmed >i start crying >wife dies >cry some more >eventually get sober, leave the shaman and walk back to my cave >see my 10 kids >i hold them all, trying to explain what happened >we all start crying >notice something >all my kids have little d---- too >ohshit.png >realize what I've done >mfw I accidentally gave millions of guys in the future my tiny d--- genes

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God damnit Todd | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/16/21(Wed)15:36:50 No.62098930 >>62093068 (OP) # God I know that feel. >be me >best friend says I can't come to his wedding unless I shower and 58 KB JPG shave >Imao like I'm a fuckng conformist >I tell him to get stuffed and the look on his face is priceless >being alone is cool as f--- >didn't go to the wedding, didn't shave or shower >who's laughing now, Todd?
: Anonymous 06/16/21(Wed)15:36:50 No.62098930 >>62093068 (OP) # God I know that feel. >be me >best friend says I can't come to his wedding unless I shower and 58 KB JPG shave >Imao like I'm a fuckng conformist >I tell him to get stuffed and the look on his face is priceless >being alone is cool as f--- >didn't go to the wedding, didn't shave or shower >who's laughing now, Todd?

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Anon is a fish | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)18:59:15 No.84751 >be me >fish ><> 26 KB JPG
: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)18:59:15 No.84751 >be me >fish ><> 26 KB JPG

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Anon is British | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/19/21(Wed)18:04:06 No.854835459 >be me >British >Finish my cauldron of tea and decide to have a cheeky wank >go into my room and enter my p--- registration number into pornbruv.uk >facial scan complete, login 26 KB JPG successfully >smashing.jpg >pull out my wanking permit just in case the coppers do a willy check >bloody hell it's 2 days expired >still have my shagging license though >decide to go find a fit bird to shag >head down to the pub and order a pint >start chatting up a bird there >she tells me to get bent >bit sloshed so I keep at it >she pulls out an unlicensed spoon and stabs me in the fanny >coppers come and take her away >turns out she had rubbed the serial number off of the spoon and there was no way Scotland Yard could use the weapon to track her down >fair enough, decide to walk back to my flat >hear "allahu akbar" and an explosion >die >pretty cheeky day overall
: Anonymous 05/19/21(Wed)18:04:06 No.854835459 >be me >British >Finish my cauldron of tea and decide to have a cheeky wank >go into my room and enter my p--- registration number into pornbruv.uk >facial scan complete, login 26 KB JPG successfully >smashing.jpg >pull out my wanking permit just in case the coppers do a willy check >bloody hell it's 2 days expired >still have my shagging license though >decide to go find a fit bird to shag >head down to the pub and order a pint >start chatting up a bird there >she tells me to get bent >bit sloshed so I keep at it >she pulls out an unlicensed spoon and stabs me in the fanny >coppers come and take her away >turns out she had rubbed the serial number off of the spoon and there was no way Scotland Yard could use the weapon to track her down >fair enough, decide to walk back to my flat >hear "allahu akbar" and an explosion >die >pretty cheeky day overall

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Anon calls Reddit out | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/07/20(Fri)03:46:14 No.56612918 >y'all >bruh >I f--- with this >have sex >l'm about to end this man's whole career 9 KB JPG >Am I a joke to you? >my GF >my SO >the wife >cool as f--- >hot as f--- >f--- that s--- >my dude >Ima >finna >Damn, bro >I love hip hop >NEETS need to get a job and contribute to society >incel >That's gonna be a yikes from me >Can we not? >This. So much this. >Who hurt you?
: Anonymous 02/07/20(Fri)03:46:14 No.56612918 >y'all >bruh >I f--- with this >have sex >l'm about to end this man's whole career 9 KB JPG >Am I a joke to you? >my GF >my SO >the wife >cool as f--- >hot as f--- >f--- that s--- >my dude >Ima >finna >Damn, bro >I love hip hop >NEETS need to get a job and contribute to society >incel >That's gonna be a yikes from me >Can we not? >This. So much this. >Who hurt you?

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Anon goes on a diet | /r/Greentext

>be me >be about 70lbs over weight >gotta lose weight >room mate keeps trying to take me to the gym she goes to >trying to get me out and active >meet her f------ friends and s--- 127 KB PNG >f--- that gay s--- >be lactose intolerant >start dieting, my way >dont wanna eat less >dont wanna eat healthy >dont wanna exercise >still eat just actual trash, anything, everything >follow every meal with a full bottle of nestle chocolate milk >No matter how full I am must drink the milko >reliably dispense extra chunky chocolate milk into s------ within 30 minutes >feel bad for room mate who shares common wall with bathroom >has to listen to me absolutely f------ wreck the toilet 5- 6 times a day >been weeks now and she hasnt said anything >already lost 8lbs >feels good man
>be me >be about 70lbs over weight >gotta lose weight >room mate keeps trying to take me to the gym she goes to >trying to get me out and active >meet her f------ friends and s--- 127 KB PNG >f--- that gay s--- >be lactose intolerant >start dieting, my way >dont wanna eat less >dont wanna eat healthy >dont wanna exercise >still eat just actual trash, anything, everything >follow every meal with a full bottle of nestle chocolate milk >No matter how full I am must drink the milko >reliably dispense extra chunky chocolate milk into s------ within 30 minutes >feel bad for room mate who shares common wall with bathroom >has to listen to me absolutely f------ wreck the toilet 5- 6 times a day >been weeks now and she hasnt said anything >already lost 8lbs >feels good man

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Anon at work | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)22:18:33 No.62367669 >be grocery store cashier >9/10 qt checking out in my aisle >pays with sweaty loose cash straight from inside her bra >shakily take the dollar bills and look to see that she has enough >bring money up to my nose 240 KB PNG >SNIIIIIIIF >get fired soon after
: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)22:18:33 No.62367669 >be grocery store cashier >9/10 qt checking out in my aisle >pays with sweaty loose cash straight from inside her bra >shakily take the dollar bills and look to see that she has enough >bring money up to my nose 240 KB PNG >SNIIIIIIIF >get fired soon after

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Anon likes the country | /r/Greentext

rance flag ipg (61 KB, 1200x675) Anonymous EE 07/12/17(Wed)18:19:47 No.771088 >most beautiful tanguage in the world >warm climate >beautiful countryside >historic and picturesque cities >attractive women >the richest artistic and architectural heritage in Europe >best food in Europe >best-dressed people in Europe That's right, it's time for an Italy thread. Pic unrelated
rance flag ipg (61 KB, 1200x675) Anonymous EE 07/12/17(Wed)18:19:47 No.771088 >most beautiful tanguage in the world >warm climate >beautiful countryside >historic and picturesque cities >attractive women >the richest artistic and architectural heritage in Europe >best food in Europe >best-dressed people in Europe That's right, it's time for an Italy thread. Pic unrelated

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Why do they do this? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/13/21(Sun)00:23:36 No.146675870 mexico glasses.jpg 57 KB JPG >yeah this movie is set in mexico how could you tell?
: Anonymous 06/13/21(Sun)00:23:36 No.146675870 mexico glasses.jpg 57 KB JPG >yeah this movie is set in mexico how could you tell?

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Anon runs a bar | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/16/21(Wed)13:08:08 No.856972511 >Be me, 33 >Running my own bar >Need more workers for summer, announce available jobs >get hundreds of applications >Decides to have fun, i got time anyway >First round of interviews only get interviews of those who have pronounces DESPITE BEING JUST 3.5% OF THE POPULATION HOMOSEXUALS ACCOUNT FOR ALMOST HALF OF THE HIV 229 KB PNG in their bio >Lost almost 50 IQ from listening to these retards >Give them a chance to prove themselves by trying out for about an hour of work each, sometime 2 of them at the same time. >Each time it didn't take long before a drunk person said something slightly offensive (not even directed at the f---) >They become very upset, some on verge of crying, others angry. One even started loudly scolding one of the customers for the wrongthink. >Every one of them dropped in work performance after getting upset by what a drunk person had said >Denied them work with the reason they didnt have thick enough skin to work in such an environment >Be me, teaching f------ important life lessons on why thick skin is important in real life >Be me, managed to get about 50 hours of labor for free >Hired 2 competent straight white guys with actual bartender experience that takes no offense to anything being said 4 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 06/16/21(Wed)13:08:08 No.856972511 >Be me, 33 >Running my own bar >Need more workers for summer, announce available jobs >get hundreds of applications >Decides to have fun, i got time anyway >First round of interviews only get interviews of those who have pronounces DESPITE BEING JUST 3.5% OF THE POPULATION HOMOSEXUALS ACCOUNT FOR ALMOST HALF OF THE HIV 229 KB PNG in their bio >Lost almost 50 IQ from listening to these retards >Give them a chance to prove themselves by trying out for about an hour of work each, sometime 2 of them at the same time. >Each time it didn't take long before a drunk person said something slightly offensive (not even directed at the f---) >They become very upset, some on verge of crying, others angry. One even started loudly scolding one of the customers for the wrongthink. >Every one of them dropped in work performance after getting upset by what a drunk person had said >Denied them work with the reason they didnt have thick enough skin to work in such an environment >Be me, teaching f------ important life lessons on why thick skin is important in real life >Be me, managed to get about 50 hours of labor for free >Hired 2 competent straight white guys with actual bartender experience that takes no offense to anything being said 4 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon had a revelation | /r/Greentext

06/15/21(Tue)20:10:30 No.64167766 Anonymous | I had a revelation > be me > m26 > graduated in college > software engineer > be 1am > laying in my bed > sudden realization: imagine that you 121 KB JPG buy 10 tendies for 2 dollars > if you divide 10 for 2, you end up with how much tendies a dollar can buy > but if you divide 2 for 10, you end up with how much each tendie costs > how did I get that far in life?
06/15/21(Tue)20:10:30 No.64167766 Anonymous | I had a revelation > be me > m26 > graduated in college > software engineer > be 1am > laying in my bed > sudden realization: imagine that you 121 KB JPG buy 10 tendies for 2 dollars > if you divide 10 for 2, you end up with how much tendies a dollar can buy > but if you divide 2 for 10, you end up with how much each tendie costs > how did I get that far in life?

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anon is not happy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/15/21(Tue)20:54:28 No.64170512 >one shot at life >parents name me Zoogle 56 KB JPG
: Anonymous 06/15/21(Tue)20:54:28 No.64170512 >one shot at life >parents name me Zoogle 56 KB JPG

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Anon is an american | /r/Greentext

>be American high school student >2019 >multiple school shootings a day >every teacher is now armed >veterans patrol the halls on mobility scooters with built in mini-guns >in Algebra 2 >teacher is handing out the quiz, her full body armor jostling around >reach into my backpack to take out my calculator >her M16 is already trained on me >"ANON DON'T F------ MOVE" >"I-I need my calculator" >"THIS IS A NO CALCULATOR QUIZ WHAT THE F--- ARE YOU REACHING FOR" >"I-I thought we could use calculators" >"YOU THOUGHT WRONG" >tense pause >she lowers her weapon >school shooter takes this opportunity to snipe her from the back of the class >her blood and brains splatters all over my face >second school shooter wheels around in the front with a shotgun, takes aim at the first shooter because he doesn't want to share the headlines >try to run for the door >veteran mobility scooter unit flies in and tears me to shreds firing 6k rounds a minute >die happy knowing that l'm still freer than Europoors >family gets charged 10 mil for my medical expenses (plus tip)
>be American high school student >2019 >multiple school shootings a day >every teacher is now armed >veterans patrol the halls on mobility scooters with built in mini-guns >in Algebra 2 >teacher is handing out the quiz, her full body armor jostling around >reach into my backpack to take out my calculator >her M16 is already trained on me >"ANON DON'T F------ MOVE" >"I-I need my calculator" >"THIS IS A NO CALCULATOR QUIZ WHAT THE F--- ARE YOU REACHING FOR" >"I-I thought we could use calculators" >"YOU THOUGHT WRONG" >tense pause >she lowers her weapon >school shooter takes this opportunity to snipe her from the back of the class >her blood and brains splatters all over my face >second school shooter wheels around in the front with a shotgun, takes aim at the first shooter because he doesn't want to share the headlines >try to run for the door >veteran mobility scooter unit flies in and tears me to shreds firing 6k rounds a minute >die happy knowing that l'm still freer than Europoors >family gets charged 10 mil for my medical expenses (plus tip)

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Anon finds a loophole | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/14/21(Mon)15:32:49 No.146766514 >>146765235 (OP) # >tfw be Swede >have s----- job with s----- salary >become alcoholic at age 19 >start buying stuff on credit, start taking out loans >never pay anything >be €19k in debt by age of 22 >become NEET after getting fired >live on €970/month in NEETbux >never pay anything on my debts, not forced either because live on welfare >fastforward until I'm 25 >welfare office lady asks about my debts >l tell the truth >she sends me to the debt people for a meeting >they ask if there's a chance I can pay in the foreseeable future >nope >they agree, then put me on the 5 year debt removal program >as long as I don't get any more debt and keep living on welfare I will have my debts erased after 5 years >turn 30 and a few months >check my debt account >0 >tfw debt free without paying anything just because I'm poor Feels good.
Anonymous 06/14/21(Mon)15:32:49 No.146766514 >>146765235 (OP) # >tfw be Swede >have s----- job with s----- salary >become alcoholic at age 19 >start buying stuff on credit, start taking out loans >never pay anything >be €19k in debt by age of 22 >become NEET after getting fired >live on €970/month in NEETbux >never pay anything on my debts, not forced either because live on welfare >fastforward until I'm 25 >welfare office lady asks about my debts >l tell the truth >she sends me to the debt people for a meeting >they ask if there's a chance I can pay in the foreseeable future >nope >they agree, then put me on the 5 year debt removal program >as long as I don't get any more debt and keep living on welfare I will have my debts erased after 5 years >turn 30 and a few months >check my debt account >0 >tfw debt free without paying anything just because I'm poor Feels good.

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Anon cant have shit | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Cant have s--- 06/16/21(Wed)18:57:08 No.64177130 >be me >23 year old male >poo fetish >usally order the goods from websites specialised for this kind of stuff 231 KB PNG >moved to detroit recently >couldnt take the poo with me >ordered new poo online >package didnt arrive >ask ups they say it has been delivered >w--? >check security cammera >some porch pirate stole the f------ package >mfw Cant have s--- in detroit
: Anonymous Cant have s--- 06/16/21(Wed)18:57:08 No.64177130 >be me >23 year old male >poo fetish >usally order the goods from websites specialised for this kind of stuff 231 KB PNG >moved to detroit recently >couldnt take the poo with me >ordered new poo online >package didnt arrive >ask ups they say it has been delivered >w--? >check security cammera >some porch pirate stole the f------ package >mfw Cant have s--- in detroit

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Anon tries to stream a show | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/14/18(Sat)12:41:54 No.774310895 Pic unrelated >be me >want to find tv show I like but don't want to pay 61 KB JPG >find sketchy site >actually has show >feelsgoodman.rar >click to play video >2 popups open >4 new tabs promising hot Asians in my area >hardcore p--- starts playing through speakers >door breached by swat team >red dot appears behind me >stabilises on my head >drone latches on to me >rocket trusted into sun >never got to watch tv show >mfw
: Anonymous 07/14/18(Sat)12:41:54 No.774310895 Pic unrelated >be me >want to find tv show I like but don't want to pay 61 KB JPG >find sketchy site >actually has show >feelsgoodman.rar >click to play video >2 popups open >4 new tabs promising hot Asians in my area >hardcore p--- starts playing through speakers >door breached by swat team >red dot appears behind me >stabilises on my head >drone latches on to me >rocket trusted into sun >never got to watch tv show >mfw

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