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funny cat floppa | /r/Greentext

I Anonymous 01/11/19(Fri)09:57:51 No.78 >be me >greg 48 KB JPG
I Anonymous 01/11/19(Fri)09:57:51 No.78 >be me >greg 48 KB JPG

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Anon meets a cute receptionist | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/24/14(Thu)22:52 No.27786295 >go walking to a new gym by my house everyday >its raining >cute /fit/ receptionist asks me to give her a ride home >"y-yeah s-s-sure" 9 KB JPG >don't even have a car >oh god what do i do what do i do >in the parking lot keep getting deeper and deeper into the lie >stand in the parking lot for a few seconds >"are you okay?" she asks >start sprinting away from her >sprint all the way to my house >never been to that gym again this was like 4 months ago..
Anonymous 07/24/14(Thu)22:52 No.27786295 >go walking to a new gym by my house everyday >its raining >cute /fit/ receptionist asks me to give her a ride home >"y-yeah s-s-sure" 9 KB JPG >don't even have a car >oh god what do i do what do i do >in the parking lot keep getting deeper and deeper into the lie >stand in the parking lot for a few seconds >"are you okay?" she asks >start sprinting away from her >sprint all the way to my house >never been to that gym again this was like 4 months ago..

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Anon wakes up from a nightmare | /r/Greentext

1535121227321.jpg 232 KB JPG >Damn bro, you were out for a while. White people? Europe? Anglos? BLM? Globohomo? Jews? Muslims? Trannies? Not sure what you're talking about. C'mon, if we want to get home to Pluto tonight we have to catch the space shuttle by 10 o'clock.
1535121227321.jpg 232 KB JPG >Damn bro, you were out for a while. White people? Europe? Anglos? BLM? Globohomo? Jews? Muslims? Trannies? Not sure what you're talking about. C'mon, if we want to get home to Pluto tonight we have to catch the space shuttle by 10 o'clock.

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Anon likes Milk(ies) | /r/Greentext

R: 86/1: 9 >Sir Anon, thou hast depleted the stocks of milk by drinking one gallon per day. Where perchance do you plan to get more?
R: 86/1: 9 >Sir Anon, thou hast depleted the stocks of milk by drinking one gallon per day. Where perchance do you plan to get more?

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Anon lends his mouse | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/16/20(Wed)15:26:42 No.61411796 >mom's mouse broke, and asked for a spare >absentmindedly gave her the one l've shoved up my arse a couple times I'm sorry, mommy. 387 KB PNG
: Anonymous 12/16/20(Wed)15:26:42 No.61411796 >mom's mouse broke, and asked for a spare >absentmindedly gave her the one l've shoved up my arse a couple times I'm sorry, mommy. 387 KB PNG

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Anon consumes whey protein | /r/Greentext

>tfw mom found the protein condoms 28 KB JPG : Anonymous 12/14/20(Mon)10:35:50 No.58870137 the what? 51 KB JPG >>58871699 # Anonymous 12/14/20(Mon)12:34:28 No.58871699 >>58870137 # mom thinks whey is drugs so my brother and i hide protein in the toilet water tank in condoms
>tfw mom found the protein condoms 28 KB JPG : Anonymous 12/14/20(Mon)10:35:50 No.58870137 the what? 51 KB JPG >>58871699 # Anonymous 12/14/20(Mon)12:34:28 No.58871699 >>58870137 # mom thinks whey is drugs so my brother and i hide protein in the toilet water tank in condoms

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Anon gets ghosted | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/10/21(Thu)15:42:25 No.856510037 >talk to new girl for a couple months straight| >go on handful of dates and hook up a few times >everything going good >Out of the blue she stops 4 KB JPG responding to texts and snaps >A week goes by with no correspondence >open hinge >see her profile has been newly updated with bikini pics Why are women like this
: Anonymous 06/10/21(Thu)15:42:25 No.856510037 >talk to new girl for a couple months straight| >go on handful of dates and hook up a few times >everything going good >Out of the blue she stops 4 KB JPG responding to texts and snaps >A week goes by with no correspondence >open hinge >see her profile has been newly updated with bikini pics Why are women like this

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Anon works near the border | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 9 minutes ago 788931223 >be me >at work >work next to a place with a lot of mexicans, most don't speak English >have to fart >qt 3.14 latina chick walking by >think "she doesn't speak English so she won't understand my fart" >fart VERY LOUD >she looks at me in disgust >mfw I realize how f------ autistic I am
Anonymous 9 minutes ago 788931223 >be me >at work >work next to a place with a lot of mexicans, most don't speak English >have to fart >qt 3.14 latina chick walking by >think "she doesn't speak English so she won't understand my fart" >fart VERY LOUD >she looks at me in disgust >mfw I realize how f------ autistic I am

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Anon walks his dog | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/29/18(Tue)07:17:29 No.2702217 >Take dog for walk at night >College campus, come to a secluded little 51 KB PNG trail/garden area >Dog starts eating a patch of grass >Get onto all fours and start eating the grass alongside him to see if it tastes good >Doesn't >Get up >There was a couple sitting on a bench about 10 feet away that I somehow hadn't seen >Leave immediately without saying a word >>2703584 # >>2704534 #
: Anonymous 05/29/18(Tue)07:17:29 No.2702217 >Take dog for walk at night >College campus, come to a secluded little 51 KB PNG trail/garden area >Dog starts eating a patch of grass >Get onto all fours and start eating the grass alongside him to see if it tastes good >Doesn't >Get up >There was a couple sitting on a bench about 10 feet away that I somehow hadn't seen >Leave immediately without saying a word >>2703584 # >>2704534 #

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Anon is loved | /r/Greentext

06/09/21 (Wed)15:53:56 No.148386 >16 >last night >little sister comes in >she is 6 >tells me she is scared 118 KB JPG because of the storm outside >tuck her in >tell her a fairy tale >tells me l'm the best big brother and she loves me >tfw a girl said she loves me see ya later virgins
06/09/21 (Wed)15:53:56 No.148386 >16 >last night >little sister comes in >she is 6 >tells me she is scared 118 KB JPG because of the storm outside >tuck her in >tell her a fairy tale >tells me l'm the best big brother and she loves me >tfw a girl said she loves me see ya later virgins

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Anon meets a black guy dressed like Peter Pan | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 6 hours ago 434656828 >1 in the morning >GF at the time wanted to get food and rent a movie to fool around to before bed >Stop by a redbox at a walgreens near her place >Black guy dressed like f------ Peter Pan or something pulls up to us in his car by the redbox >Figure, "oh s--- here we go, going to have to fight some nog" >"Nah y'all don't need to be paying for that now, f--- a redbox my dude" >Hands us a Wal-Mart bag filled with about 40 burnt disks with recent movie titles on them >Backseat is full of these bags >Go to shake his hand and say "Jesus man, thanks. What's your name?" >"Who me? Y'all can just call me... N---- ROBIN HOOD!" >Dude peels out of the parking lot and speeds off into the night >GF and I confused as f--- >Go home, put in the disks >About half of the movies are HD rips of what the disks says they are, other half are actually just filled to the brim with new brazzers scenes Unironically the most based dude I've ever met 6 REPLIES
Anonymous 6 hours ago 434656828 >1 in the morning >GF at the time wanted to get food and rent a movie to fool around to before bed >Stop by a redbox at a walgreens near her place >Black guy dressed like f------ Peter Pan or something pulls up to us in his car by the redbox >Figure, "oh s--- here we go, going to have to fight some nog" >"Nah y'all don't need to be paying for that now, f--- a redbox my dude" >Hands us a Wal-Mart bag filled with about 40 burnt disks with recent movie titles on them >Backseat is full of these bags >Go to shake his hand and say "Jesus man, thanks. What's your name?" >"Who me? Y'all can just call me... N---- ROBIN HOOD!" >Dude peels out of the parking lot and speeds off into the night >GF and I confused as f--- >Go home, put in the disks >About half of the movies are HD rips of what the disks says they are, other half are actually just filled to the brim with new brazzers scenes Unironically the most based dude I've ever met 6 REPLIES

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a short story by anon | /r/Greentext


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Anon has only one shot | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/09/21(Wed)21:49:15 No.64077770 >one shot at life >born an ugly female НАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАН ITS GREAT KNOWING NO MAN WILL EVER BE ATTRACTED TO YOU OR LOVE YOU 32 KB JPG 57 Replies / 11 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 06/09/21(Wed)21:49:15 No.64077770 >one shot at life >born an ugly female НАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАН ITS GREAT KNOWING NO MAN WILL EVER BE ATTRACTED TO YOU OR LOVE YOU 32 KB JPG 57 Replies / 11 Images View Thread

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Anon realizes a depressing thought | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/21/20(Sat)14:32:58 No.61025172 >sleep for 12+ hours >wake up at noon >refresh the same few websites over and over again >do absolutely f------ nothing >start and try to play video game 360 KB PNG >quit after a few minutes because i cant even force myself to have fun with it anymore >continue refreshing 4chan and youtube for hours again occasionally watching a few youtube videos that look interesting and that i havent seen yet >go to sleep feeling like a tired corpse even though i havent done anything is this even a life anymore?
: Anonymous 11/21/20(Sat)14:32:58 No.61025172 >sleep for 12+ hours >wake up at noon >refresh the same few websites over and over again >do absolutely f------ nothing >start and try to play video game 360 KB PNG >quit after a few minutes because i cant even force myself to have fun with it anymore >continue refreshing 4chan and youtube for hours again occasionally watching a few youtube videos that look interesting and that i havent seen yet >go to sleep feeling like a tired corpse even though i havent done anything is this even a life anymore?

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Anon has been browsing too many loli threads | /r/Greentext

File: trump.jpg (7 KB, 183x275) U Anonymous 06/09/21(Wed)20:32:45 No.856475362 ► >be me "be you?" >yes >be me "why?" >been browsing tons of loli threads on /b/ "b?" >yes, /b/ >and these threads...they're full of drawings of naked children... >these drawings are sick...disgusting...and yet...they are necessary... "sir, are you feeling all right?" >p--------- is not a sexuality...it is a sickness..but if these drawings can keep these sick, sick people from acting out their perverted fantasies on innocent children, we need to encourage these drawings...we have to spread the word about this... "sir, do you know where you are?" >i'm on /b/ "no, sir. you're in washington d.c. do you know who i am?" >yeah >probably some f------ normie redditfag "sir, my name is andres obrador. i am the president of mexico." >kamala finally speaks up "joe, for the last time, president obrador has come to the oval office to discuss our border policy. and you keep rambling about naked kid drawings. but whatever, f--- it, you're still better than pic related"
File: trump.jpg (7 KB, 183x275) U Anonymous 06/09/21(Wed)20:32:45 No.856475362 ► >be me "be you?" >yes >be me "why?" >been browsing tons of loli threads on /b/ "b?" >yes, /b/ >and these threads...they're full of drawings of naked children... >these drawings are sick...disgusting...and yet...they are necessary... "sir, are you feeling all right?" >p--------- is not a sexuality...it is a sickness..but if these drawings can keep these sick, sick people from acting out their perverted fantasies on innocent children, we need to encourage these drawings...we have to spread the word about this... "sir, do you know where you are?" >i'm on /b/ "no, sir. you're in washington d.c. do you know who i am?" >yeah >probably some f------ normie redditfag "sir, my name is andres obrador. i am the president of mexico." >kamala finally speaks up "joe, for the last time, president obrador has come to the oval office to discuss our border policy. and you keep rambling about naked kid drawings. but whatever, f--- it, you're still better than pic related"

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Anon has an eventful time at the cinema | /r/Greentext

272d3f1985fbb13fd8701390f.) jpg (38 KB, 640x628) google yandex iqdb wait Anonymous 11/19/17(Sun)10:13:51 No.90452095 - >>90452267 >>90452385 >>90452451 >>90453024 >at cinema with dad >character says the word n----- >dad laughs out loud Anyone want to trade? B Anonymous EO Anonymous 11/19/17(Sun)10:15:34 No.90452144 v >>90452161 >>90452257 >>90452264 >>90452285 >>90452322 >>90452350 >>90452384 >>90452385 >>90452394 >>90452402 >>90452452 >>90452798 >>90452835 >>90452871 >>90453027 >>90453047 >>90453055 >>90453080 >>90453104 >at cinema with n----- >character says the word dad >n----- looks around in confusion
272d3f1985fbb13fd8701390f.) jpg (38 KB, 640x628) google yandex iqdb wait Anonymous 11/19/17(Sun)10:13:51 No.90452095 - >>90452267 >>90452385 >>90452451 >>90453024 >at cinema with dad >character says the word n----- >dad laughs out loud Anyone want to trade? B Anonymous EO Anonymous 11/19/17(Sun)10:15:34 No.90452144 v >>90452161 >>90452257 >>90452264 >>90452285 >>90452322 >>90452350 >>90452384 >>90452385 >>90452394 >>90452402 >>90452452 >>90452798 >>90452835 >>90452871 >>90453027 >>90453047 >>90453055 >>90453080 >>90453104 >at cinema with n----- >character says the word dad >n----- looks around in confusion

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Anon Has Aspergers | /r/Greentext

File: D202AMHWKAABF81.jpg (14 KB, 251x242) O Anonymous 06/09/21(Wed)23:23:19 No.856488781 >have aspergers heh >ass burgers
File: D202AMHWKAABF81.jpg (14 KB, 251x242) O Anonymous 06/09/21(Wed)23:23:19 No.856488781 >have aspergers heh >ass burgers

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Anon spills some milk | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/16/16(Tue)14:37:15 No.669211631 >>669207142 (OP) # >Be like a billion years ago >Every day get milk for lunch >F------ hate milk >End of lunchI would go to band instrument storage room and stash milk carton in cieling >Did this for about 6 months >One day in band class >F----- kid showing off to girls >Thinks hes athletic >"Bet you I can reach the cieling" >F----- smacks one of the cieling tiles and spills 6 month old chunky lemon milk everywhere >lt gets all over him and the girls >Just watching in amazement >Then the smell hits >Oh god the smell, I can still smell it to this day >I throw up from the smell >Another girl in back throws up, can see the spaghetti she ate only an hour ago >Band instructor clears out room, class canceled becausxe of smell, go play unreal tournament in library for an hour >f----- kid gets suspended for a few days >School has to replace entire cieling keked softly for a while >>669212133 #
: Anonymous 02/16/16(Tue)14:37:15 No.669211631 >>669207142 (OP) # >Be like a billion years ago >Every day get milk for lunch >F------ hate milk >End of lunchI would go to band instrument storage room and stash milk carton in cieling >Did this for about 6 months >One day in band class >F----- kid showing off to girls >Thinks hes athletic >"Bet you I can reach the cieling" >F----- smacks one of the cieling tiles and spills 6 month old chunky lemon milk everywhere >lt gets all over him and the girls >Just watching in amazement >Then the smell hits >Oh god the smell, I can still smell it to this day >I throw up from the smell >Another girl in back throws up, can see the spaghetti she ate only an hour ago >Band instructor clears out room, class canceled becausxe of smell, go play unreal tournament in library for an hour >f----- kid gets suspended for a few days >School has to replace entire cieling keked softly for a while >>669212133 #

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Anon wants a normie family. | /r/Greentext

O PLEASE HELP 06/09/21(Wed)19:59:12 No.24348162 >be me >depressed neet >somehow have a qt 3.14 girlfriend >one day find positive pregnancy test in the bathroom trash >confront girlfriend about it >she says not to worry she's getting an abortion >drive her to the abortion clinic the following week >sit with her in the waiting room >girl comes out in a wheelchair sweaty and crying >realize I don't want to put my girlfriend through that >tell girlfriend i want to have a normie family >she agrees >get my life together >start going to the gym >become a wagecuck >buy a small cozy house >buy a ring to propose >girlfriend has the baby few months later >baby is black >mfw Got my life together for a cheating w----. Never fall in love anons
O PLEASE HELP 06/09/21(Wed)19:59:12 No.24348162 >be me >depressed neet >somehow have a qt 3.14 girlfriend >one day find positive pregnancy test in the bathroom trash >confront girlfriend about it >she says not to worry she's getting an abortion >drive her to the abortion clinic the following week >sit with her in the waiting room >girl comes out in a wheelchair sweaty and crying >realize I don't want to put my girlfriend through that >tell girlfriend i want to have a normie family >she agrees >get my life together >start going to the gym >become a wagecuck >buy a small cozy house >buy a ring to propose >girlfriend has the baby few months later >baby is black >mfw Got my life together for a cheating w----. Never fall in love anons

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Anon tells another Anon's war story | /r/Greentext

05/23/21(Sun)18:16:32 No.49410797 A poster here told this one in a thread like this a few years back, I'll try to detail it as closely to his story as possible. >Be deployed to Iraq circa 2008 >Commander is a hard ass for ROE's, so much so it makes it impossible to carry out missions at times >Go out on patrol, stop in villages to give out Tootsie rolls and coloring books, hearts and minds s--- >Stop in a village, kids all gather around for their gibs >One little f-----, about 9 years old, manages to get ahold of a box of hand grenades somehow >He starts lobbing them and raising hell >Request permission to ice the little ackbar >denied.gif >Commander states anyone who engages the kid will be immediately court martialed upon return to the states >Tactical retreat >Return to the same village later on to give out more books and candy >Kid starts chunking grenades again, we leave without giving any of the coloring books or candy >One 6 year old is p----- he didn't get his Tootsie rolls, finds an AKM bayonet and stabs the grenade lobbing kid in the gut >Next time we're back we give the bayonet kid extra candy and books >Commander gets relieved of command when we get back to the states for his incompetence
05/23/21(Sun)18:16:32 No.49410797 A poster here told this one in a thread like this a few years back, I'll try to detail it as closely to his story as possible. >Be deployed to Iraq circa 2008 >Commander is a hard ass for ROE's, so much so it makes it impossible to carry out missions at times >Go out on patrol, stop in villages to give out Tootsie rolls and coloring books, hearts and minds s--- >Stop in a village, kids all gather around for their gibs >One little f-----, about 9 years old, manages to get ahold of a box of hand grenades somehow >He starts lobbing them and raising hell >Request permission to ice the little ackbar >denied.gif >Commander states anyone who engages the kid will be immediately court martialed upon return to the states >Tactical retreat >Return to the same village later on to give out more books and candy >Kid starts chunking grenades again, we leave without giving any of the coloring books or candy >One 6 year old is p----- he didn't get his Tootsie rolls, finds an AKM bayonet and stabs the grenade lobbing kid in the gut >Next time we're back we give the bayonet kid extra candy and books >Commander gets relieved of command when we get back to the states for his incompetence

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