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Anon is a pro gamer | /r/Greentext

: Anon professional gamer 02/01/21(Mon)12:01:36 No.542673565 > be me > 12 years old > what do you want to be when you grow up anon? >i like video games > that's a hobby not a career anon > fast fwd 10 years 29 KB JPG > twitch gamers make more than my desk job butyousaid.jpg > pandemic begins outside > anon you no longer need to report to the office. pls work from home lennyface.txt > be wednesday >i could finalize this report or I could prestige in warzone > set Skype to Active > play 8 games in 6 hours > clock out for dinner at 5pm > that's $14 a game > mfw i am professional gamer
: Anon professional gamer 02/01/21(Mon)12:01:36 No.542673565 > be me > 12 years old > what do you want to be when you grow up anon? >i like video games > that's a hobby not a career anon > fast fwd 10 years 29 KB JPG > twitch gamers make more than my desk job butyousaid.jpg > pandemic begins outside > anon you no longer need to report to the office. pls work from home lennyface.txt > be wednesday >i could finalize this report or I could prestige in warzone > set Skype to Active > play 8 games in 6 hours > clock out for dinner at 5pm > that's $14 a game > mfw i am professional gamer

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Greentext Rome stories - Part 1 | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: JrYOpO4M) 08/26/13(Mon)19:07:25 >>502359445 ITT: Rome stories >Be me >sentorial class, but kinda plebish >decide to go to forum to pick up puellae >see a IX/X puella >ohjupiterthatbottom.marblestatue >go up to her >heard pick up line from my buddy cassius, try it out >"hey girl are you parthian?" >"no" >"because you shot an arrow into my heart" >looks at me like marius would look at sulla >"my pater familiae died in that battle" >my face goes redder than the theater of pompey on the ides of march >she walks away >go home and f--- my boy slave >i miss cato
Anonymous (ID: JrYOpO4M) 08/26/13(Mon)19:07:25 >>502359445 ITT: Rome stories >Be me >sentorial class, but kinda plebish >decide to go to forum to pick up puellae >see a IX/X puella >ohjupiterthatbottom.marblestatue >go up to her >heard pick up line from my buddy cassius, try it out >"hey girl are you parthian?" >"no" >"because you shot an arrow into my heart" >looks at me like marius would look at sulla >"my pater familiae died in that battle" >my face goes redder than the theater of pompey on the ides of march >she walks away >go home and f--- my boy slave >i miss cato

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anon is a liar | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Help AnOns 06/24/19(Mon)14:33:56 No.53056693 >be me >chad face manlet >meet a girl on vidya >she really likes me >we start edating >find out we live close >she asks how tall I am I say 5'8 44 KB JPG >she is 5'6 I'm actually 5'5 and she is coming over today what the f--- do I do HELP ANONS : Anonymous 06/24/19(Mon)14:34:58 No.53056699 Ok listen to me. You have dyslexia and misread your height on the ruler >>53056712 # >>53057080 #
: Anonymous Help AnOns 06/24/19(Mon)14:33:56 No.53056693 >be me >chad face manlet >meet a girl on vidya >she really likes me >we start edating >find out we live close >she asks how tall I am I say 5'8 44 KB JPG >she is 5'6 I'm actually 5'5 and she is coming over today what the f--- do I do HELP ANONS : Anonymous 06/24/19(Mon)14:34:58 No.53056699 Ok listen to me. You have dyslexia and misread your height on the ruler >>53056712 # >>53057080 #

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ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/09/21(Wed)22:13:38 No.856446978 >Be me >just got my high school yearbook 350 КВ PNG >looking through its pages >mom comes next to me >She points to a pic of my bully and says "who is this hot guy?" I want to kill myself now
: Anonymous 06/09/21(Wed)22:13:38 No.856446978 >Be me >just got my high school yearbook 350 КВ PNG >looking through its pages >mom comes next to me >She points to a pic of my bully and says "who is this hot guy?" I want to kill myself now

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Anon is retarded | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Ackward Moments wih Costumer S(...) 06/09/21(Wed)16:05:08 No.64068820 >Be me >Barely go out besides buying stuff and food >Decide i want to eat pizza >Little Caesar's is accross the street so i go there >Ask for my order and they tell me 328 KB PNG to wait for like 15 minutes. >Get my ticket while i wait >Cashier says my name so i go and pickup my pizza >Cashier extends hand >Confused, but i give him a handshake >Cashier looks at me funny and i still don't get what's going on >"i need your ticket, Sir" >Realize >Inmediately feel ashamed to hell and back Why am i this much of a retard? I cannot enter that place anymore out of pure embarrasment.
: Anonymous Ackward Moments wih Costumer S(...) 06/09/21(Wed)16:05:08 No.64068820 >Be me >Barely go out besides buying stuff and food >Decide i want to eat pizza >Little Caesar's is accross the street so i go there >Ask for my order and they tell me 328 KB PNG to wait for like 15 minutes. >Get my ticket while i wait >Cashier says my name so i go and pickup my pizza >Cashier extends hand >Confused, but i give him a handshake >Cashier looks at me funny and i still don't get what's going on >"i need your ticket, Sir" >Realize >Inmediately feel ashamed to hell and back Why am i this much of a retard? I cannot enter that place anymore out of pure embarrasment.

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Anon appreciates nofap | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous P--- and M----------- are depl(...) 06/09/21 (Wed)16:53:05 No.64075844 >P--- causes irreversible brain damage >Jerking off limits testosterone, muscles become weaker >Dopamine receptors will be fried meaning you will never experience true happiness 90 KB PNG Quit now. No fapping = god powers
: Anonymous P--- and M----------- are depl(...) 06/09/21 (Wed)16:53:05 No.64075844 >P--- causes irreversible brain damage >Jerking off limits testosterone, muscles become weaker >Dopamine receptors will be fried meaning you will never experience true happiness 90 KB PNG Quit now. No fapping = god powers

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Anon gets a chicken | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/02/19(Wed)17:00:19 No.810941096 >be from Congo >walk to my wife's side of the hut >she's using a bazooka as a dildo >tell her we need to go to the village for food 415 KB JPG >she won't stop masterbating >hear a click >she looks up at me concerned >f------ explodes >she is literally a red stain on the ground >dammit there's a hole in the house >fixing this hole won't put grub in my belly >grab some spare AK47S to trade >sling them over my shoulder and start walking down the trail >get to village >one of the vendors is trying to sell me a chicken >he says the chicken lays eggs and is practically infinite food >give him a couple AK47S and bring the chicken home >you know this chicken looks really tasty >eat the chicken raw, feathers and all >starve to death two weeks later
: Anonymous 10/02/19(Wed)17:00:19 No.810941096 >be from Congo >walk to my wife's side of the hut >she's using a bazooka as a dildo >tell her we need to go to the village for food 415 KB JPG >she won't stop masterbating >hear a click >she looks up at me concerned >f------ explodes >she is literally a red stain on the ground >dammit there's a hole in the house >fixing this hole won't put grub in my belly >grab some spare AK47S to trade >sling them over my shoulder and start walking down the trail >get to village >one of the vendors is trying to sell me a chicken >he says the chicken lays eggs and is practically infinite food >give him a couple AK47S and bring the chicken home >you know this chicken looks really tasty >eat the chicken raw, feathers and all >starve to death two weeks later

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Gaben makes an announcement | /r/Greentext

File: 1338794837362 jpg-(155 KB, 800x1200, Gabe_01.jpg) Anonymous 06/04/12(Mon)03:27 No.141846848 >Gabe comes onto stage >Talks about new Steam features, Dota 2 >Conference is coming to a close >Audience sighs in unison >"Oh and one more thing" >"Attendees perk up >A huge f------ 3 slowly fades onto screen >Crowd turns into bananas and bursts into treats >An "E" quickly pops up next to it >"Have a nice E3" >Gabe gets shot
File: 1338794837362 jpg-(155 KB, 800x1200, Gabe_01.jpg) Anonymous 06/04/12(Mon)03:27 No.141846848 >Gabe comes onto stage >Talks about new Steam features, Dota 2 >Conference is coming to a close >Audience sighs in unison >"Oh and one more thing" >"Attendees perk up >A huge f------ 3 slowly fades onto screen >Crowd turns into bananas and bursts into treats >An "E" quickly pops up next to it >"Have a nice E3" >Gabe gets shot

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Anon gets some action in bed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Spooky stories 01/27/21(Wed)19:25:56 No.62053745 Friend told me this story that aoparently happened to his uncle.or whatever >Go to bed >Wake up in the middle of the night because of strange noises in his bedroom >Turn bedside lamp on >There's a woman with no facial features other 42 KB JPG then her mouth standing in his room >She's wielding a big ass knife >He's so scared he can't even scream >She gets on his bed and sits on top of him >Sticks the knife bedside table >Turns the light off and proceeds to f--- the s--- out of him >He wakes up in the morning thinking it was all a dream >There's still the knife's hole in the bedside table He was a bit of a stoner and a drinker, but never did anything other than weed and booze. He quit drinking shortly after that.
: Anonymous Spooky stories 01/27/21(Wed)19:25:56 No.62053745 Friend told me this story that aoparently happened to his uncle.or whatever >Go to bed >Wake up in the middle of the night because of strange noises in his bedroom >Turn bedside lamp on >There's a woman with no facial features other 42 KB JPG then her mouth standing in his room >She's wielding a big ass knife >He's so scared he can't even scream >She gets on his bed and sits on top of him >Sticks the knife bedside table >Turns the light off and proceeds to f--- the s--- out of him >He wakes up in the morning thinking it was all a dream >There's still the knife's hole in the bedside table He was a bit of a stoner and a drinker, but never did anything other than weed and booze. He quit drinking shortly after that.

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Anon walks dogs | /r/Greentext

! Anonymous 06/09/21(Wed)18:27:23 No.856467654 > be me young single m > just moved to nyc > want to meet some locals > also want a dog but apartment too small and roommate allergic to furs 51 KB PNG > walking to work see flyer > "I Walk dogs for 10 dollars" braincell.gif > write my number on the flyer and write For Free > ffwd to later at work > phone rings > hey anon I saw your flyer I have two dogs that need to be walked > leave work early to walk these two furry friends > they jump up on me love sniffing and getting attention from me feels good man > decide I want to do this full time > don't charge anything just do it for the dogs :) met a lot of local dogs this way. many of you should try this
! Anonymous 06/09/21(Wed)18:27:23 No.856467654 > be me young single m > just moved to nyc > want to meet some locals > also want a dog but apartment too small and roommate allergic to furs 51 KB PNG > walking to work see flyer > "I Walk dogs for 10 dollars" braincell.gif > write my number on the flyer and write For Free > ffwd to later at work > phone rings > hey anon I saw your flyer I have two dogs that need to be walked > leave work early to walk these two furry friends > they jump up on me love sniffing and getting attention from me feels good man > decide I want to do this full time > don't charge anything just do it for the dogs :) met a lot of local dogs this way. many of you should try this

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Anon eats a bean and cheese burrito | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/09/21(Wed)09:47:07 No.856438192 >lunchtime CLARA'S AITCHEN >hungry as f---, didn't eat breakfast BEAN & CHEESE >look in fridge for tendies >found none BURRITO Organic Plata Beane, Organie Brown Rice, And Cheese SESLUN tard_rage.png 694 KB JPG >find bean and cheese burrito >take photo >send the photo as a mass email to everyone in my contacts >no subject, just the picture and "get bean and cheese burrito'd" F------ got 'em anons : Anonymous 06/09/21(Wed)09:48:00 No.856438229 >>856438192 (OP) # Based
: Anonymous 06/09/21(Wed)09:47:07 No.856438192 >lunchtime CLARA'S AITCHEN >hungry as f---, didn't eat breakfast BEAN & CHEESE >look in fridge for tendies >found none BURRITO Organic Plata Beane, Organie Brown Rice, And Cheese SESLUN tard_rage.png 694 KB JPG >find bean and cheese burrito >take photo >send the photo as a mass email to everyone in my contacts >no subject, just the picture and "get bean and cheese burrito'd" F------ got 'em anons : Anonymous 06/09/21(Wed)09:48:00 No.856438229 >>856438192 (OP) # Based

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Sus eagle kid | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12/31/14(Wed)22:39:31 No.589577231 >be 10yo me >have an obsession with eagles >bookshelf filled with eagle s--- >go to zoo >be a regular >sit there like a tard staring at eagles >handler knows me >asks if i want to get up close >get a bald eagle to land on her hand >majestic as f--- >this one has an infection on his wing >we hear police sirens >f------ SWAT team comes out >slams into me >eagle pathetically attempts to fly away >gets up in the air >they f------ take it out with a sniper >sobbing at this point >ask them why they did it >"It was a sick eagle" >"So?" >"That's prohibited by the law" >"Why?" >"Because they are illeagle"
Anonymous 12/31/14(Wed)22:39:31 No.589577231 >be 10yo me >have an obsession with eagles >bookshelf filled with eagle s--- >go to zoo >be a regular >sit there like a tard staring at eagles >handler knows me >asks if i want to get up close >get a bald eagle to land on her hand >majestic as f--- >this one has an infection on his wing >we hear police sirens >f------ SWAT team comes out >slams into me >eagle pathetically attempts to fly away >gets up in the air >they f------ take it out with a sniper >sobbing at this point >ask them why they did it >"It was a sick eagle" >"So?" >"That's prohibited by the law" >"Why?" >"Because they are illeagle"

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Anon hugs someone he likes. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/05/21(Sat)21:50:41 No.64020304 >give her a hug >hug for a very long time >worry I'm hugging for too long >"do you want me to let go?" >she squeezes me tighter :))) 11 KB PNG 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 06/05/21(Sat)22:12:38 No.64020468 >>64020304 (OP) # that makes me feel very lonely fren but also very happy for you, wishing the best for you two
: Anonymous 06/05/21(Sat)21:50:41 No.64020304 >give her a hug >hug for a very long time >worry I'm hugging for too long >"do you want me to let go?" >she squeezes me tighter :))) 11 KB PNG 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 06/05/21(Sat)22:12:38 No.64020468 >>64020304 (OP) # that makes me feel very lonely fren but also very happy for you, wishing the best for you two

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Anon is a dank memer | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/04/18(Tue)22:04:46 No.47942852 >be me grade 12 >taking finals >snuck my phone in for no reason >do not disturb on but didn't turn it off >have app on phone that screeches 0OF when it detects 34 KB PNG when it gets dropped >middle of test >phone falls out of pocket >phone screeches at max volume, OOF >teacher looks at me >friend from across room is trying so hard not to laugh >i got expelled >have to go to another high school >mfw i'll probably never graduate due to a meme
: Anonymous 09/04/18(Tue)22:04:46 No.47942852 >be me grade 12 >taking finals >snuck my phone in for no reason >do not disturb on but didn't turn it off >have app on phone that screeches 0OF when it detects 34 KB PNG when it gets dropped >middle of test >phone falls out of pocket >phone screeches at max volume, OOF >teacher looks at me >friend from across room is trying so hard not to laugh >i got expelled >have to go to another high school >mfw i'll probably never graduate due to a meme

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No Place on Earth is Good | /r/Greentext

>be american BORN FEEL >get fat, get shot, become poor because surgery is 100 000$ >be european 14 KB JPG >get beheaded by isis >be asian >suicide because of stress and no gf >be african >be african >be australian >get killed by venomous animal and lose war against emu I guess no place on earth is good after all
>be american BORN FEEL >get fat, get shot, become poor because surgery is 100 000$ >be european 14 KB JPG >get beheaded by isis >be asian >suicide because of stress and no gf >be african >be african >be australian >get killed by venomous animal and lose war against emu I guess no place on earth is good after all

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r/greentext | /r/Greentext

| Anonymous 01/16/21(Sat)19:00:42 No.845014059 >wipe ass >blood 902 KB JPG 4 Replies / 2 Images View Thread
| Anonymous 01/16/21(Sat)19:00:42 No.845014059 >wipe ass >blood 902 KB JPG 4 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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Anon eats Snickers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/08/21(Tue)17:50:00 No.16249052 SNICKERS SNICKERD SNIGKERN DNCKERS BNIGKEND DURED WILE CHICOLATEt PE CARAMEL-MO HILE CHOCOLAE PESARAL SNIGKERS DNIUREID WILE CHECLAPEA c MILE DHGCOL PATCARAMEL MILE CHOCOLATEPAN CAAAMSSO CHOCOLIETETE NUSA MLK CHOCA MAUCAu TUESS aLK CHOCOLATE PEANUTS CARAME u SACKES SNICKERS Caniy Warehouse 127952-03_snickers-candy-bars-48-piece-box.jpg 118 KB JPG >eat a display case of snickers i bought from costco >fingers and toes hurt like hell >hands won't stop shaking >entire body feels cold BAIBKERS
: Anonymous 06/08/21(Tue)17:50:00 No.16249052 SNICKERS SNICKERD SNIGKERN DNCKERS BNIGKEND DURED WILE CHICOLATEt PE CARAMEL-MO HILE CHOCOLAE PESARAL SNIGKERS DNIUREID WILE CHECLAPEA c MILE DHGCOL PATCARAMEL MILE CHOCOLATEPAN CAAAMSSO CHOCOLIETETE NUSA MLK CHOCA MAUCAu TUESS aLK CHOCOLATE PEANUTS CARAME u SACKES SNICKERS Caniy Warehouse 127952-03_snickers-candy-bars-48-piece-box.jpg 118 KB JPG >eat a display case of snickers i bought from costco >fingers and toes hurt like hell >hands won't stop shaking >entire body feels cold BAIBKERS

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Anon proposes his business idea | /r/Greentext

:Anonymous (ID: 36/XZRM. Big Anon's Foreskin Emperium(...) 01/25/21(Mon)11:00:32 No.26522171 >business idea >Big Anon's Foreskin Emperium' where we got your d--- covered! >got your foreskin stolen? No worries we got your d-------'s back bro 42 KB JPG >we have foreskins of all colors!! >tie dye, crazy designs!! >like star wars? We have foreskins with Yoda and Darth Vader printed on them >want your pet's face on your foreskin? Say no more >custom made foreskins for the foreskinless!! >we also do gift wrapping Whatta think /biz/?
:Anonymous (ID: 36/XZRM. Big Anon's Foreskin Emperium(...) 01/25/21(Mon)11:00:32 No.26522171 >business idea >Big Anon's Foreskin Emperium' where we got your d--- covered! >got your foreskin stolen? No worries we got your d-------'s back bro 42 KB JPG >we have foreskins of all colors!! >tie dye, crazy designs!! >like star wars? We have foreskins with Yoda and Darth Vader printed on them >want your pet's face on your foreskin? Say no more >custom made foreskins for the foreskinless!! >we also do gift wrapping Whatta think /biz/?

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Anon Is Homosexual | /r/Greentext

File: 79294747429475.png (647 KB, 745x763) Anonymous 06/09/21(Wed)07:59:14 No.856441691 >Be me >Gay >Go to pride parade >Littered with Dildos, Bdsm, and full nude queers with body paint. >Children watching on the sidelines I swear I am getting a wife and a child just to spite these f------.
File: 79294747429475.png (647 KB, 745x763) Anonymous 06/09/21(Wed)07:59:14 No.856441691 >Be me >Gay >Go to pride parade >Littered with Dildos, Bdsm, and full nude queers with body paint. >Children watching on the sidelines I swear I am getting a wife and a child just to spite these f------.

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Shalom my friends | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/20/20(Thu)16:37:49 No.9296960 1593879708751.jpg 63 KB JPG >>9296947 # shalom
: Anonymous 08/20/20(Thu)16:37:49 No.9296960 1593879708751.jpg 63 KB JPG >>9296947 # shalom

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