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Anon question boomers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/10/21(Thu)16:40:42 No.856539410 >Be me >go to the local public pool >swim around for a while. >Out of the corner of my eye see two old boomers waddle out of the mens locker room 9 KB PNG >They proceed to stare at the 8/10 strawberry blonde lifeguards ass for 5 minutes straight while mumbling to each other. >They literally do not break eye contact with that caboose >eventually wander back into the change room and do not return... Why are old people like this? 5 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 06/10/21(Thu)16:40:42 No.856539410 >Be me >go to the local public pool >swim around for a while. >Out of the corner of my eye see two old boomers waddle out of the mens locker room 9 KB PNG >They proceed to stare at the 8/10 strawberry blonde lifeguards ass for 5 minutes straight while mumbling to each other. >They literally do not break eye contact with that caboose >eventually wander back into the change room and do not return... Why are old people like this? 5 Replies View Thread

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Anon has had enough | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/24/18(Mon)00:05:30 No.788087819 >The r--- dwarf is still in my walls ENOUGH >I hear bumps in the night >Fire off some .357 rounds into the wall >Complete silence until I hear it laugh 30 KB JPG >"Hoho!" >Get angry >Fire off more rounds >Hear a screech then a wimper >Hear it run off, dragging it's penis as it goes >Blood drips out from beneath the molding >l got him for now, but he'll be back View Thread
: Anonymous 12/24/18(Mon)00:05:30 No.788087819 >The r--- dwarf is still in my walls ENOUGH >I hear bumps in the night >Fire off some .357 rounds into the wall >Complete silence until I hear it laugh 30 KB JPG >"Hoho!" >Get angry >Fire off more rounds >Hear a screech then a wimper >Hear it run off, dragging it's penis as it goes >Blood drips out from beneath the molding >l got him for now, but he'll be back View Thread

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anon is thankful to mystery asshole mendor | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)17:15:19 No.845914110 >taking massive s--- >coming out sideways >hurts like hell >feel and hear anus tearing >losing lots of blood >pass out from blood loss >wake up around 15 minutes later 52 KB PNG >go to wipe >cleanwipe.doc >no blood, no s--- >feel around a------ >someone sewn up my gaping wound and cleaned it >blood and s--- still in toilet Thank you mystery a------ mender, i am forever in your debt
: Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)17:15:19 No.845914110 >taking massive s--- >coming out sideways >hurts like hell >feel and hear anus tearing >losing lots of blood >pass out from blood loss >wake up around 15 minutes later 52 KB PNG >go to wipe >cleanwipe.doc >no blood, no s--- >feel around a------ >someone sewn up my gaping wound and cleaned it >blood and s--- still in toilet Thank you mystery a------ mender, i am forever in your debt

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Anon is financially responsible | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: XKa6xbyD ) 01/09/21(Sat)01:40:35 No.301405702 >>301404743 (OP) # >why yes, i spend 20% of my allowance on reddit gold awards to let people know that they did a goodthink 8 KB PNG >>301406177 #
: Anonymous (ID: XKa6xbyD ) 01/09/21(Sat)01:40:35 No.301405702 >>301404743 (OP) # >why yes, i spend 20% of my allowance on reddit gold awards to let people know that they did a goodthink 8 KB PNG >>301406177 #

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Anon mods his keyboard | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 07/16/19(Tue)17:28:16 No.53418127 >>53418076 (OP) >get a new keyboard >has a retarded wrist guard built into it >use gardening shears to cut it off >fast forward >jerking off before work >mother comes around >use keyboard to hide d--- >mother notices keyboard is modified >"what did you do anon cut it?" >suddenly grabs and lifts the keyboard to get a closer look >rock hard d--- springs up beneath it >she sets the keyboard back down on it >walks away
O Anonymous 07/16/19(Tue)17:28:16 No.53418127 >>53418076 (OP) >get a new keyboard >has a retarded wrist guard built into it >use gardening shears to cut it off >fast forward >jerking off before work >mother comes around >use keyboard to hide d--- >mother notices keyboard is modified >"what did you do anon cut it?" >suddenly grabs and lifts the keyboard to get a closer look >rock hard d--- springs up beneath it >she sets the keyboard back down on it >walks away

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Anon is hardcore | /r/Greentext

>sleep on hardwood floor with no pillow >alarm goes off at 1am >immediately kip up into a standing position and scream LETS GET IT 50 KB JPG >shower with liquid nitrogen >shave with a large hunting knife >for breakfast, 6 egg shells and 4 banana peels >waterboard myself to build pain tolerance >decide to go easy today, do 5000 push ups and 2000 pull ups >ready for the day at 2am
>sleep on hardwood floor with no pillow >alarm goes off at 1am >immediately kip up into a standing position and scream LETS GET IT 50 KB JPG >shower with liquid nitrogen >shave with a large hunting knife >for breakfast, 6 egg shells and 4 banana peels >waterboard myself to build pain tolerance >decide to go easy today, do 5000 push ups and 2000 pull ups >ready for the day at 2am

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Anon exploits simps | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/13/20(Tue)23:00:30 No.837830448 >be me >17 >male >broke af >think of ways to make easy money >remember hearing about girls 19 KB PNG selling feet pics on OnlyFans >look at my feet >notice how feminine they look idea.jpg few weeks later >turn 18 >download OnlyFans on my phone >setup billing information and s--- >shave off all hair on my feet and lower legs >take pictures of feet >horny retards start paying monthly subscriptions for my feet >starts off slow but eventually start making decent money tfw I realize many grown men have nutted to my feet >doesn't matter, now financially stable
: Anonymous 10/13/20(Tue)23:00:30 No.837830448 >be me >17 >male >broke af >think of ways to make easy money >remember hearing about girls 19 KB PNG selling feet pics on OnlyFans >look at my feet >notice how feminine they look idea.jpg few weeks later >turn 18 >download OnlyFans on my phone >setup billing information and s--- >shave off all hair on my feet and lower legs >take pictures of feet >horny retards start paying monthly subscriptions for my feet >starts off slow but eventually start making decent money tfw I realize many grown men have nutted to my feet >doesn't matter, now financially stable

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Anon has a secret | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/10/21(Thu)06:46:39 No.856513152 Secrets. We all have secrets, anon. What's yours? WE ALL HAVE SECRETS 32 KB JPG 43 Replies / 6 Images View Thread : Anonymous 06/10/21(Thu)08:37:17 No.856518941 >Put security cams in living room and around house for security reasons >Realize that bringing home Tinder dates captures everything on couch >Sex tapes with lots of Tinder dates
: Anonymous 06/10/21(Thu)06:46:39 No.856513152 Secrets. We all have secrets, anon. What's yours? WE ALL HAVE SECRETS 32 KB JPG 43 Replies / 6 Images View Thread : Anonymous 06/10/21(Thu)08:37:17 No.856518941 >Put security cams in living room and around house for security reasons >Realize that bringing home Tinder dates captures everything on couch >Sex tapes with lots of Tinder dates

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Anon is a plague doctor | /r/Greentext

> be me > mentor recently died, I therefore inherited his status as doctor > 7th century idk > walk past the farms on my way to the castle 149 KB PNG > see a family of peasants waiting for me > male is sick, has a big fleshy orb on his back > *notices buldge* ö>õ what's this? > "please cure my husband, he's become ill" > no clue w-- he has > sure.carvedstone > poke with doctors stick > buldge bursts > whitish cream bursts everywhere > looks like spider blood > smells like spider blood > tastes like spider blood > declare farmer possessed by spider > burned alive at the stake > king pays me godly for preventing spider disease from spreading > feelsgoodman
> be me > mentor recently died, I therefore inherited his status as doctor > 7th century idk > walk past the farms on my way to the castle 149 KB PNG > see a family of peasants waiting for me > male is sick, has a big fleshy orb on his back > *notices buldge* ö>õ what's this? > "please cure my husband, he's become ill" > no clue w-- he has > sure.carvedstone > poke with doctors stick > buldge bursts > whitish cream bursts everywhere > looks like spider blood > smells like spider blood > tastes like spider blood > declare farmer possessed by spider > burned alive at the stake > king pays me godly for preventing spider disease from spreading > feelsgoodman

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funny cat floppa | /r/Greentext

I Anonymous 01/11/19(Fri)09:57:51 No.78 >be me >greg 48 KB JPG
I Anonymous 01/11/19(Fri)09:57:51 No.78 >be me >greg 48 KB JPG

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Anon meets a cute receptionist | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/24/14(Thu)22:52 No.27786295 >go walking to a new gym by my house everyday >its raining >cute /fit/ receptionist asks me to give her a ride home >"y-yeah s-s-sure" 9 KB JPG >don't even have a car >oh god what do i do what do i do >in the parking lot keep getting deeper and deeper into the lie >stand in the parking lot for a few seconds >"are you okay?" she asks >start sprinting away from her >sprint all the way to my house >never been to that gym again this was like 4 months ago..
Anonymous 07/24/14(Thu)22:52 No.27786295 >go walking to a new gym by my house everyday >its raining >cute /fit/ receptionist asks me to give her a ride home >"y-yeah s-s-sure" 9 KB JPG >don't even have a car >oh god what do i do what do i do >in the parking lot keep getting deeper and deeper into the lie >stand in the parking lot for a few seconds >"are you okay?" she asks >start sprinting away from her >sprint all the way to my house >never been to that gym again this was like 4 months ago..

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Anon wakes up from a nightmare | /r/Greentext

1535121227321.jpg 232 KB JPG >Damn bro, you were out for a while. White people? Europe? Anglos? BLM? Globohomo? Jews? Muslims? Trannies? Not sure what you're talking about. C'mon, if we want to get home to Pluto tonight we have to catch the space shuttle by 10 o'clock.
1535121227321.jpg 232 KB JPG >Damn bro, you were out for a while. White people? Europe? Anglos? BLM? Globohomo? Jews? Muslims? Trannies? Not sure what you're talking about. C'mon, if we want to get home to Pluto tonight we have to catch the space shuttle by 10 o'clock.

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Anon likes Milk(ies) | /r/Greentext

R: 86/1: 9 >Sir Anon, thou hast depleted the stocks of milk by drinking one gallon per day. Where perchance do you plan to get more?
R: 86/1: 9 >Sir Anon, thou hast depleted the stocks of milk by drinking one gallon per day. Where perchance do you plan to get more?

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Anon lends his mouse | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/16/20(Wed)15:26:42 No.61411796 >mom's mouse broke, and asked for a spare >absentmindedly gave her the one l've shoved up my arse a couple times I'm sorry, mommy. 387 KB PNG
: Anonymous 12/16/20(Wed)15:26:42 No.61411796 >mom's mouse broke, and asked for a spare >absentmindedly gave her the one l've shoved up my arse a couple times I'm sorry, mommy. 387 KB PNG

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Anon consumes whey protein | /r/Greentext

>tfw mom found the protein condoms 28 KB JPG : Anonymous 12/14/20(Mon)10:35:50 No.58870137 the what? 51 KB JPG >>58871699 # Anonymous 12/14/20(Mon)12:34:28 No.58871699 >>58870137 # mom thinks whey is drugs so my brother and i hide protein in the toilet water tank in condoms
>tfw mom found the protein condoms 28 KB JPG : Anonymous 12/14/20(Mon)10:35:50 No.58870137 the what? 51 KB JPG >>58871699 # Anonymous 12/14/20(Mon)12:34:28 No.58871699 >>58870137 # mom thinks whey is drugs so my brother and i hide protein in the toilet water tank in condoms

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Anon gets ghosted | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/10/21(Thu)15:42:25 No.856510037 >talk to new girl for a couple months straight| >go on handful of dates and hook up a few times >everything going good >Out of the blue she stops 4 KB JPG responding to texts and snaps >A week goes by with no correspondence >open hinge >see her profile has been newly updated with bikini pics Why are women like this
: Anonymous 06/10/21(Thu)15:42:25 No.856510037 >talk to new girl for a couple months straight| >go on handful of dates and hook up a few times >everything going good >Out of the blue she stops 4 KB JPG responding to texts and snaps >A week goes by with no correspondence >open hinge >see her profile has been newly updated with bikini pics Why are women like this

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Anon works near the border | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 9 minutes ago 788931223 >be me >at work >work next to a place with a lot of mexicans, most don't speak English >have to fart >qt 3.14 latina chick walking by >think "she doesn't speak English so she won't understand my fart" >fart VERY LOUD >she looks at me in disgust >mfw I realize how f------ autistic I am
Anonymous 9 minutes ago 788931223 >be me >at work >work next to a place with a lot of mexicans, most don't speak English >have to fart >qt 3.14 latina chick walking by >think "she doesn't speak English so she won't understand my fart" >fart VERY LOUD >she looks at me in disgust >mfw I realize how f------ autistic I am

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Anon walks his dog | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/29/18(Tue)07:17:29 No.2702217 >Take dog for walk at night >College campus, come to a secluded little 51 KB PNG trail/garden area >Dog starts eating a patch of grass >Get onto all fours and start eating the grass alongside him to see if it tastes good >Doesn't >Get up >There was a couple sitting on a bench about 10 feet away that I somehow hadn't seen >Leave immediately without saying a word >>2703584 # >>2704534 #
: Anonymous 05/29/18(Tue)07:17:29 No.2702217 >Take dog for walk at night >College campus, come to a secluded little 51 KB PNG trail/garden area >Dog starts eating a patch of grass >Get onto all fours and start eating the grass alongside him to see if it tastes good >Doesn't >Get up >There was a couple sitting on a bench about 10 feet away that I somehow hadn't seen >Leave immediately without saying a word >>2703584 # >>2704534 #

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Anon is loved | /r/Greentext

06/09/21 (Wed)15:53:56 No.148386 >16 >last night >little sister comes in >she is 6 >tells me she is scared 118 KB JPG because of the storm outside >tuck her in >tell her a fairy tale >tells me l'm the best big brother and she loves me >tfw a girl said she loves me see ya later virgins
06/09/21 (Wed)15:53:56 No.148386 >16 >last night >little sister comes in >she is 6 >tells me she is scared 118 KB JPG because of the storm outside >tuck her in >tell her a fairy tale >tells me l'm the best big brother and she loves me >tfw a girl said she loves me see ya later virgins

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Anon meets a black guy dressed like Peter Pan | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 6 hours ago 434656828 >1 in the morning >GF at the time wanted to get food and rent a movie to fool around to before bed >Stop by a redbox at a walgreens near her place >Black guy dressed like f------ Peter Pan or something pulls up to us in his car by the redbox >Figure, "oh s--- here we go, going to have to fight some nog" >"Nah y'all don't need to be paying for that now, f--- a redbox my dude" >Hands us a Wal-Mart bag filled with about 40 burnt disks with recent movie titles on them >Backseat is full of these bags >Go to shake his hand and say "Jesus man, thanks. What's your name?" >"Who me? Y'all can just call me... N---- ROBIN HOOD!" >Dude peels out of the parking lot and speeds off into the night >GF and I confused as f--- >Go home, put in the disks >About half of the movies are HD rips of what the disks says they are, other half are actually just filled to the brim with new brazzers scenes Unironically the most based dude I've ever met 6 REPLIES
Anonymous 6 hours ago 434656828 >1 in the morning >GF at the time wanted to get food and rent a movie to fool around to before bed >Stop by a redbox at a walgreens near her place >Black guy dressed like f------ Peter Pan or something pulls up to us in his car by the redbox >Figure, "oh s--- here we go, going to have to fight some nog" >"Nah y'all don't need to be paying for that now, f--- a redbox my dude" >Hands us a Wal-Mart bag filled with about 40 burnt disks with recent movie titles on them >Backseat is full of these bags >Go to shake his hand and say "Jesus man, thanks. What's your name?" >"Who me? Y'all can just call me... N---- ROBIN HOOD!" >Dude peels out of the parking lot and speeds off into the night >GF and I confused as f--- >Go home, put in the disks >About half of the movies are HD rips of what the disks says they are, other half are actually just filled to the brim with new brazzers scenes Unironically the most based dude I've ever met 6 REPLIES

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