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Anon is not the sharpest tool | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/27/21(Thu)13:54:31 No.855414189 Embarrassing/ autistic / straight up retarded stories thread. I'l| start >be me >preteen >just started watching p--- 80 KB PNG >see a lot of mom/son p--- >though it was real >though it's just what mommies do to prepare their special boys >one day I asked her "when are we gonna do the stuff that moms and son's do" >she looks at me weirdly "what do you mean anon, what do you wanna do?" >show her the video >she looks at me in disgust >called my dad >get the worst beating in my life 1 Reply View Thread
: Anonymous 05/27/21(Thu)13:54:31 No.855414189 Embarrassing/ autistic / straight up retarded stories thread. I'l| start >be me >preteen >just started watching p--- 80 KB PNG >see a lot of mom/son p--- >though it was real >though it's just what mommies do to prepare their special boys >one day I asked her "when are we gonna do the stuff that moms and son's do" >she looks at me weirdly "what do you mean anon, what do you wanna do?" >show her the video >she looks at me in disgust >called my dad >get the worst beating in my life 1 Reply View Thread

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Femanon has a date | /r/Greentext


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HIStory is told by the victors | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/11/21(Thu)16:09:29 No.849351555 In the late 1600s, London was plagued by a sexual attacker, dubbed 'Whipping Tom', who would spank his victims with his hand or sometimes a rod and shout 'Spanko! before running away. ping Tom ping Ione B122A23B-9CCE-45B3-9E8F-5E2E9ECSAFFB.jpg 213 KB JPG >1600 >Be me, Whipping Tom >Decide it would be humorous to slap some wenches on their bottoms >Starts as a joke but I quickly develop a liking for it, and become quite renound for my spankings, as I'm fleet of foot and yet to be caught >Flash forward over 400 years >Countless great and powerful men have died and been long forgotten, but my tale is still told and my name remembered >Spanko!
: Anonymous 03/11/21(Thu)16:09:29 No.849351555 In the late 1600s, London was plagued by a sexual attacker, dubbed 'Whipping Tom', who would spank his victims with his hand or sometimes a rod and shout 'Spanko! before running away. ping Tom ping Ione B122A23B-9CCE-45B3-9E8F-5E2E9ECSAFFB.jpg 213 KB JPG >1600 >Be me, Whipping Tom >Decide it would be humorous to slap some wenches on their bottoms >Starts as a joke but I quickly develop a liking for it, and become quite renound for my spankings, as I'm fleet of foot and yet to be caught >Flash forward over 400 years >Countless great and powerful men have died and been long forgotten, but my tale is still told and my name remembered >Spanko!

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An interesting title #1 new | /r/Greentext

File: africa.jpg (9 KB, 480x453) O map dude 02/15/18(Thu)15:56:46 No.43232628 I'm back again boys draw on the map where niger is O Anonymous 02/15/18(Thu)15:57:33 No.43232637 Paint bucket tool.
File: africa.jpg (9 KB, 480x453) O map dude 02/15/18(Thu)15:56:46 No.43232628 I'm back again boys draw on the map where niger is O Anonymous 02/15/18(Thu)15:57:33 No.43232637 Paint bucket tool.

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Ok shitbags say what you will. I didn’t write this but found this gem in my old memes | /r/Greentext

Anonymous No.44621514 35 minutes ago >be indian >wake up to screams of women being gang r---- >pray to blue two-headed rhino god >no shower so bathe in the Ganges >almost choke on child's spinal column >ride on roof of victorian train to the call centre >"hello this is hank from computer company we need to ask you a few-" *click* >creepily hit on western women on facebook during breaktime >walking home >need to take a s--- for the 35th time that day >squat over a dying orphan who happened to be in the way >wipe anus with hand >eat rice from a giant communal bowl >use hands like a chimp >time for bed >crawl up in a pile of straw with, pray to 5 armed lobster-woman god for allowing me to live in the greatest country on earth
Anonymous No.44621514 35 minutes ago >be indian >wake up to screams of women being gang r---- >pray to blue two-headed rhino god >no shower so bathe in the Ganges >almost choke on child's spinal column >ride on roof of victorian train to the call centre >"hello this is hank from computer company we need to ask you a few-" *click* >creepily hit on western women on facebook during breaktime >walking home >need to take a s--- for the 35th time that day >squat over a dying orphan who happened to be in the way >wipe anus with hand >eat rice from a giant communal bowl >use hands like a chimp >time for bed >crawl up in a pile of straw with, pray to 5 armed lobster-woman god for allowing me to live in the greatest country on earth

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Anon is truly autistic | /r/Greentext


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Anon explains Joe Rogan | /r/Greentext

: test 09/27/20(Sun)08:35:11 No.139903097 Joe Rogan is like some barbarian Khan from the steppes that took an interest in intellectual things and his show is basically him bringing slightly nervous scholars and magicians to come before him to explain how the world works "glasses man, you explain to Joe why sky big, and how tree grow" but he will also believe almost anything you tell him, and only recently (in the past few years) does he clap back like "Tiny hat man say otherwise, do you lie to Joe? Tiny hat man say fat not bad for you, that sugar is enemy, so which is truth? Joe thinks you are wrong" and people just nervously go "oh-oh ok h-Haha yah I guess so" 83 KB JPG "Joe spend many moons on horseback and training with bow and sword, but joe also wonder why skyfire rise from mountains every morning, you will explain this to Joe."
: test 09/27/20(Sun)08:35:11 No.139903097 Joe Rogan is like some barbarian Khan from the steppes that took an interest in intellectual things and his show is basically him bringing slightly nervous scholars and magicians to come before him to explain how the world works "glasses man, you explain to Joe why sky big, and how tree grow" but he will also believe almost anything you tell him, and only recently (in the past few years) does he clap back like "Tiny hat man say otherwise, do you lie to Joe? Tiny hat man say fat not bad for you, that sugar is enemy, so which is truth? Joe thinks you are wrong" and people just nervously go "oh-oh ok h-Haha yah I guess so" 83 KB JPG "Joe spend many moons on horseback and training with bow and sword, but joe also wonder why skyfire rise from mountains every morning, you will explain this to Joe."

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Anon replies | /r/Greentext


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Anon loves his father. | /r/Greentext

Dad appreciation thread >be me >have a great relationship with my dad >family is pretty tight on money recently >dad comes into my room and we 8 KB JPG talk for a little bit >normally have home cooked dinner every night so I ask what we're having >dad says he doesn't know >i'm disappointed but not very shocked because its happened before >dad leaves room >try to sleep but too hungry >15 minutes later dad calls me downstairs >open my door and smell food >walk downstairs and see leftover macaroni casserole with a fried bologna sandwich on the table >"you really know how to make me not feel poor" >dad laughs and I turn on the TV and we watch parks and rec until i'm done >dad eats crackers with dip for dinner >feels bad man.wave >cant make him anything because we don't have anything to make >give my dad a 3 minute hug >let go as soon as sperg character from the TV says "moments over!" >we laugh and I go back upstairs to sleep >I love my dad
Dad appreciation thread >be me >have a great relationship with my dad >family is pretty tight on money recently >dad comes into my room and we 8 KB JPG talk for a little bit >normally have home cooked dinner every night so I ask what we're having >dad says he doesn't know >i'm disappointed but not very shocked because its happened before >dad leaves room >try to sleep but too hungry >15 minutes later dad calls me downstairs >open my door and smell food >walk downstairs and see leftover macaroni casserole with a fried bologna sandwich on the table >"you really know how to make me not feel poor" >dad laughs and I turn on the TV and we watch parks and rec until i'm done >dad eats crackers with dip for dinner >feels bad man.wave >cant make him anything because we don't have anything to make >give my dad a 3 minute hug >let go as soon as sperg character from the TV says "moments over!" >we laugh and I go back upstairs to sleep >I love my dad

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Anon befriends European dude | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 399044708 16 mins ago >>399044395 (OP) >be me >finally get a decent computer for that time (i live in australia so we're always behind other countries) >about 10 >befriend a guy from europe on 640.5 kB PNG runescape >we become best buds >he messages me everytime I logon without fail >we skill together >we slay hill giants together >one day login >he tells me he got rune armour >says his gonna go in wildy and wants me to come >decide to go with him >he gets attack by ranger but we kill them >european friend low on health >pull out my rune scimmy start hitting him >kill him >he messages me "w-- bro i thought we friends" >take his armour >block him and logout crying I-I hope his well.
Anonymous | 399044708 16 mins ago >>399044395 (OP) >be me >finally get a decent computer for that time (i live in australia so we're always behind other countries) >about 10 >befriend a guy from europe on 640.5 kB PNG runescape >we become best buds >he messages me everytime I logon without fail >we skill together >we slay hill giants together >one day login >he tells me he got rune armour >says his gonna go in wildy and wants me to come >decide to go with him >he gets attack by ranger but we kill them >european friend low on health >pull out my rune scimmy start hitting him >kill him >he messages me "w-- bro i thought we friends" >take his armour >block him and logout crying I-I hope his well.

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Anon goes hunting | /r/Greentext

>be me >around 9 years old >dad loves hunting, wants to take me >I don't like the idea of killing animals, but I don't want my dad to think I'm a little bitch so I reluctantly 33 KB JPG go >set the trap, put some scented food in it >small doe comes up, have my sight lined up, ready to pull the trigger >feel instant regret even before killling the animal >turn to my dad >"Dad, I'm sorry but I really don't want to take this animal's life" >That's okay son, why don't you just keep setting up the traps, you're really good at it >continue to set traps >we do this every couple of months for years, I set the traps, he takes the shots >recently entered a trap setting contest in my local hunter union >won >mfw l'm a master baiter
>be me >around 9 years old >dad loves hunting, wants to take me >I don't like the idea of killing animals, but I don't want my dad to think I'm a little bitch so I reluctantly 33 KB JPG go >set the trap, put some scented food in it >small doe comes up, have my sight lined up, ready to pull the trigger >feel instant regret even before killling the animal >turn to my dad >"Dad, I'm sorry but I really don't want to take this animal's life" >That's okay son, why don't you just keep setting up the traps, you're really good at it >continue to set traps >we do this every couple of months for years, I set the traps, he takes the shots >recently entered a trap setting contest in my local hunter union >won >mfw l'm a master baiter

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Anon lives with parents. | /r/Greentext

>want to make an onlyfans >mom says no 57 KB JPG
>want to make an onlyfans >mom says no 57 KB JPG

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anon is a rational thinker the | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: H4k0m0OE TEEN WHO TRANSITIONED AT 16 NO(...) 08/04/20(Tue)14:33:07 No.271131501 theblaze FOLLOW UK teen girl wanted to be male; got breasts removed, took testosterone. Now 23, she says doctors should have 'challenged' her decision - and is suing. : Anonymous (ID: BAvuhMxs ) S 08/04/20(Tue)14:36:04 No.271131869 >>271131501 (OP) # >Give woman testosterone >her rational reasoning improves >>271132166 # >>271132881 # >>271133223 # >>271134332 # >>271134775 # >>271136263 # >>271136421 # >>271136633 # >>271136659 # >>271136801 # >>271136889 # >>271136910 # >>271136975 # >>271137192 # >>271137688 # >>271137852 # >>271138819 # >>271139068 # >>271139337 # >>271139364 # >>271139495 # >>271139539 # >>271139665 # >>271139676 # >>271139733 # >>271139941 # >>271140571 # >>271141024 # >>271141631 # >>271141918 # >>271141990 # >>271142005 # >>271142025 # >>271142491 # >>271142547 # >>271142555 # >>271142674 # >>271143018 # >>271143028 # >>271143099 # >>271143230 # >>271143380 # >>271143477 # >>271143641 # >>271143978 # >>271144138 # >>271144537 # >>271144570 # >>271145019 # >>271145462 # >>271145746 # >>271145891 # >>271146484 # >>271146853 #
: Anonymous (ID: H4k0m0OE TEEN WHO TRANSITIONED AT 16 NO(...) 08/04/20(Tue)14:33:07 No.271131501 theblaze FOLLOW UK teen girl wanted to be male; got breasts removed, took testosterone. Now 23, she says doctors should have 'challenged' her decision - and is suing. : Anonymous (ID: BAvuhMxs ) S 08/04/20(Tue)14:36:04 No.271131869 >>271131501 (OP) # >Give woman testosterone >her rational reasoning improves >>271132166 # >>271132881 # >>271133223 # >>271134332 # >>271134775 # >>271136263 # >>271136421 # >>271136633 # >>271136659 # >>271136801 # >>271136889 # >>271136910 # >>271136975 # >>271137192 # >>271137688 # >>271137852 # >>271138819 # >>271139068 # >>271139337 # >>271139364 # >>271139495 # >>271139539 # >>271139665 # >>271139676 # >>271139733 # >>271139941 # >>271140571 # >>271141024 # >>271141631 # >>271141918 # >>271141990 # >>271142005 # >>271142025 # >>271142491 # >>271142547 # >>271142555 # >>271142674 # >>271143018 # >>271143028 # >>271143099 # >>271143230 # >>271143380 # >>271143477 # >>271143641 # >>271143978 # >>271144138 # >>271144537 # >>271144570 # >>271145019 # >>271145462 # >>271145746 # >>271145891 # >>271146484 # >>271146853 #

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Anon gets bamboozled | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/26/21(Wed)19:15:37 No.855393972 >get vasectomy >gf gets pregnant >baby comes out black I'm so p-----. The doctor said she wouldn't get pregnant. Turns out it just changes the color of the baby 31 KB PNG
: Anonymous 05/26/21(Wed)19:15:37 No.855393972 >get vasectomy >gf gets pregnant >baby comes out black I'm so p-----. The doctor said she wouldn't get pregnant. Turns out it just changes the color of the baby 31 KB PNG

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Anon orders a taxi | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/04/18(Sat)22:37:56 No.47283647 >be me 5 minutes ago >ordering pizza for the first time ever >ask for a pizza, some fries and a can of cola >pizza lady replies "we don't have cola, is pepsi ok?" >i freeze up >brain trying to process what she said, this isn't how this interaction played out in my head 75 KB JPG >mutter out "...taxi?" >after a silence she finally responds "sorry sir could you repeat that for me?" >brain finally catches up >"oh yes, a pepsi is fine please." im never ordering food again i'll stick to microwaved dinners
: Anonymous 08/04/18(Sat)22:37:56 No.47283647 >be me 5 minutes ago >ordering pizza for the first time ever >ask for a pizza, some fries and a can of cola >pizza lady replies "we don't have cola, is pepsi ok?" >i freeze up >brain trying to process what she said, this isn't how this interaction played out in my head 75 KB JPG >mutter out "...taxi?" >after a silence she finally responds "sorry sir could you repeat that for me?" >brain finally catches up >"oh yes, a pepsi is fine please." im never ordering food again i'll stick to microwaved dinners

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Anon is a fish | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/27/21(Thu)01:58:06 No.63859086 >be me >16 at the time >long and ridiculously corny romantic history with tall bisexual qt >ask her if she wants to date >she says yes 193 KB JPG >ffw 2 weeks >"I just don't think I'm ready for a relationship anon." >ffw several months >retarted chirstian summer camp I was forced to go to >goth qt and i start talking >sneak out and sleep on the beach one night >start dating >ffw next week, when I get home from camp >"I'm sorry anon, but I don't think a relationship is right for me right now" >ffw another half of a year >this time, a qt asks me out >say yes, known her for a while and have been good friends | >ffw 2 days >"I really like you anon, but I just can't do it" Mfw I'm like a fish I start to stink after 3 days
: Anonymous 05/27/21(Thu)01:58:06 No.63859086 >be me >16 at the time >long and ridiculously corny romantic history with tall bisexual qt >ask her if she wants to date >she says yes 193 KB JPG >ffw 2 weeks >"I just don't think I'm ready for a relationship anon." >ffw several months >retarted chirstian summer camp I was forced to go to >goth qt and i start talking >sneak out and sleep on the beach one night >start dating >ffw next week, when I get home from camp >"I'm sorry anon, but I don't think a relationship is right for me right now" >ffw another half of a year >this time, a qt asks me out >say yes, known her for a while and have been good friends | >ffw 2 days >"I really like you anon, but I just can't do it" Mfw I'm like a fish I start to stink after 3 days

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Anon Loses An Argument | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 47733285 1 hr. ac >l just lost an argument in my head against a person that doesn't even exist >l even stuttered 48.1 kB PNG 2 REPLIES O IMAGES
Anonymous | 47733285 1 hr. ac >l just lost an argument in my head against a person that doesn't even exist >l even stuttered 48.1 kB PNG 2 REPLIES O IMAGES

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anon tries the tendies | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/26/21(Wed)11:25:21 No.855363783 >be me 5 years ago >get stye >nobigdeal.png >havent cut my hair in awhile and am all around a mess at this age 11 KB JPG >still a normie but an unkempt one >parents decide to have lunch at bar/grill >hair is a mess so i throw on the nearest hat and call it a day >its a fedora >qt waitress asks what drink i want >dont make direct eye contact so she cant see my stye and say “just a coke ma'am" >she brings our drinks and ask if were ready to order >i look through the menu and my fedora whispers into my ear “tendies" >i decide to humor the fedora >"ill have the tendies" >realization.png >i just wore a fedora and ordered tendies without making eye contact with the waitress >mfw i look like a redditfag in front of my family >mfw i have to take psych meds because nobody believes the fedora told me to order the tendies guess ill just kill myself now
: Anonymous 05/26/21(Wed)11:25:21 No.855363783 >be me 5 years ago >get stye >nobigdeal.png >havent cut my hair in awhile and am all around a mess at this age 11 KB JPG >still a normie but an unkempt one >parents decide to have lunch at bar/grill >hair is a mess so i throw on the nearest hat and call it a day >its a fedora >qt waitress asks what drink i want >dont make direct eye contact so she cant see my stye and say “just a coke ma'am" >she brings our drinks and ask if were ready to order >i look through the menu and my fedora whispers into my ear “tendies" >i decide to humor the fedora >"ill have the tendies" >realization.png >i just wore a fedora and ordered tendies without making eye contact with the waitress >mfw i look like a redditfag in front of my family >mfw i have to take psych meds because nobody believes the fedora told me to order the tendies guess ill just kill myself now

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Anon le Français | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 52818309 4 min. ago >visit france >they use "le" unironically 416.0 kB PNG
Anonymous | 52818309 4 min. ago >visit france >they use "le" unironically 416.0 kB PNG

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Anon is a doctor.thhis | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/01/18(Sat)11:58 >be me >surgeon >35 hour operation >do it perfectiy with no mistakes everyone thanks god
Anonymous 09/01/18(Sat)11:58 >be me >surgeon >35 hour operation >do it perfectiy with no mistakes everyone thanks god

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