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Anon has a gf | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/20/21(Tue)10:32:10 No.852512596 >be me >recently scored a gf >get along with her best friend just fine >even got the same interests and music taste 8 KB JPG >we both (me and the friend) have blonde hair and blue eyes >even the facial structure is kinda similar >we constanly joke that we might as well be siblings >her mother walked out on her when she was born for no apparent reason >mfw my father was a serial cheater and probably has few kids on the side >mfw it's entirely possible that she is my actual sister 8 Replies / 2 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 04/20/21(Tue)10:32:10 No.852512596 >be me >recently scored a gf >get along with her best friend just fine >even got the same interests and music taste 8 KB JPG >we both (me and the friend) have blonde hair and blue eyes >even the facial structure is kinda similar >we constanly joke that we might as well be siblings >her mother walked out on her when she was born for no apparent reason >mfw my father was a serial cheater and probably has few kids on the side >mfw it's entirely possible that she is my actual sister 8 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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anon is Elon Musk | /r/Greentext

1621831566644.jpg 57 KB JPG >Monday morning rolls around >Bitcoin is slowly creeping back to the mid 30k's >Elonsy Muskarino wakes up and grabs his phone >gets a half-chub just thinking about what he's about to do >smirk broadens across his face into a full-on grin, he shifts his eyes to the tablet by his bedside showing the bitcoin tracker >opens up Twitter >"Still don't like bitcoin btw" >price instantly plummets to 25k
1621831566644.jpg 57 KB JPG >Monday morning rolls around >Bitcoin is slowly creeping back to the mid 30k's >Elonsy Muskarino wakes up and grabs his phone >gets a half-chub just thinking about what he's about to do >smirk broadens across his face into a full-on grin, he shifts his eyes to the tablet by his bedside showing the bitcoin tracker >opens up Twitter >"Still don't like bitcoin btw" >price instantly plummets to 25k

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anon had a bad day at school | /r/Greentext

File: happy pep png (34 KB, 200x161) O Anonymous 05/04/21(Tue)11:16:43 No.853625853 [Reply] >be me >have bad day at school >parents can't pick me up >call uncie Jappy meal >uncle sees im in a sad mood "hey you wanna get some mcdonalds anon?" >i like mcdonalds sure >not sad anymore >thanks uncle:) >get mcdonalds >uncle is being funny
File: happy pep png (34 KB, 200x161) O Anonymous 05/04/21(Tue)11:16:43 No.853625853 [Reply] >be me >have bad day at school >parents can't pick me up >call uncie Jappy meal >uncle sees im in a sad mood "hey you wanna get some mcdonalds anon?" >i like mcdonalds sure >not sad anymore >thanks uncle:) >get mcdonalds >uncle is being funny

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Anon is well endowed | /r/Greentext

>>27093470 >boning my gf >doggystyle, she's loving it >my d--- is 7.5in easily >she achieves orgasm (as usual) when 5 KB JPG suddenly I feel like I'm being watched >pubes suddenly stand on end >gf doesn't notice, and I maintain my rhythmic thrusting, making her c-- again with my rock hard 8 incher >but something feels off >reach for my rechargeable Maglite RL1019 and scan the room >gf mumbles "what the f---" as waves of pleasure sweep through her body >a strange sulfuric smell fills the room, smells like the huevos rancheros and refried beans I had for breakfast >I turn around >there's a tall dark figure standing behind me >he wasn't there before >feels like he's feeding off of my virility, like a vampire >panic.jpg >l begin to thrust ferociously >gotta make my gf c-- one more time before dealing with the strange apparition/demon >as gf achieves orgasm (again, as usual), I pull out my solid 9 inch woody and blast my load all over the dark entity >l hear a hiss as the j--- hits his shadowy form and the spectre lets out a piercing cry >once more, the stench of sulfur fills the room >the floor is covered in c-- and a strange black-ish substance >gf asks, "did you f------ fart??" >l tell her it was the shadowman >somehow she didn't see him (paranormal) >"Oh my f------ god Josh did you s--- on the ground?" >it was the shadowman bitch >I swear to god
>>27093470 >boning my gf >doggystyle, she's loving it >my d--- is 7.5in easily >she achieves orgasm (as usual) when 5 KB JPG suddenly I feel like I'm being watched >pubes suddenly stand on end >gf doesn't notice, and I maintain my rhythmic thrusting, making her c-- again with my rock hard 8 incher >but something feels off >reach for my rechargeable Maglite RL1019 and scan the room >gf mumbles "what the f---" as waves of pleasure sweep through her body >a strange sulfuric smell fills the room, smells like the huevos rancheros and refried beans I had for breakfast >I turn around >there's a tall dark figure standing behind me >he wasn't there before >feels like he's feeding off of my virility, like a vampire >panic.jpg >l begin to thrust ferociously >gotta make my gf c-- one more time before dealing with the strange apparition/demon >as gf achieves orgasm (again, as usual), I pull out my solid 9 inch woody and blast my load all over the dark entity >l hear a hiss as the j--- hits his shadowy form and the spectre lets out a piercing cry >once more, the stench of sulfur fills the room >the floor is covered in c-- and a strange black-ish substance >gf asks, "did you f------ fart??" >l tell her it was the shadowman >somehow she didn't see him (paranormal) >"Oh my f------ god Josh did you s--- on the ground?" >it was the shadowman bitch >I swear to god

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Anon gets an old lady killed | /r/Greentext


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Anon gives a solution | /r/Greentext

>tfw you can see your mom is getting older and older >tfw that crippling feeling when you know that one day you will lose her How do I cope? 48 KB JPG 5 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 07/23/18(Mon)14:31:48 No.47001025 >>47001005 (OP) # Kill yourself before she dies.
>tfw you can see your mom is getting older and older >tfw that crippling feeling when you know that one day you will lose her How do I cope? 48 KB JPG 5 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 07/23/18(Mon)14:31:48 No.47001025 >>47001005 (OP) # Kill yourself before she dies.

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Anon goes for it | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/23/18(Sun)13:01:34 No.780607081 >be me >18, kissless virgin >last year of HS >have no hope of g----------- >only ever girlfriend turned out to 18 KB PNG be lesbian >on bus to school >cute 8.4/10 new girl gets on bus >she walks up to me and asks if she can sit next to me >holy_shit.png >nod and scoot over >she gets on her phone immediately >quick_make_conversation.wav >"hey you're new right?" >she looks up and says yeah >asks her name >she says Stephanie >introduces myself and cracks a few jokes with her >she laughs at them all >fuck_she's_cute.jpg >say f--- it and ask for her number >she gives it to me I did it /b/ros
: Anonymous 09/23/18(Sun)13:01:34 No.780607081 >be me >18, kissless virgin >last year of HS >have no hope of g----------- >only ever girlfriend turned out to 18 KB PNG be lesbian >on bus to school >cute 8.4/10 new girl gets on bus >she walks up to me and asks if she can sit next to me >holy_shit.png >nod and scoot over >she gets on her phone immediately >quick_make_conversation.wav >"hey you're new right?" >she looks up and says yeah >asks her name >she says Stephanie >introduces myself and cracks a few jokes with her >she laughs at them all >fuck_she's_cute.jpg >say f--- it and ask for her number >she gives it to me I did it /b/ros

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Anon fixes the electricity with a drug bust | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 45657137 1 perccel ezelőtt •.. Anon Does Drug Bust >Be me, 14 at the time >Lights constantly flickering and PC randomly turning off >Call up electricity company >They supposedly fix the problem >It still happens >Mum jokes that the neighbour is probably growing cannabis and is tapping into our electricity supply >Neighbour has a big shed >I decide to climb over his fence and take a look inside >somuchweed.png >I take pictures with my phone >Come back home and tell my mummy >I call 101 (Non-emergency line) >Woman thinks I'm lying >Next day the police smash down his door and take all his weed away >He goes to jail and his kid gets taken away That's what you get for messing with my Minecraft experience. 155,5 kB PNG REPLY
Anonymous | 45657137 1 perccel ezelőtt •.. Anon Does Drug Bust >Be me, 14 at the time >Lights constantly flickering and PC randomly turning off >Call up electricity company >They supposedly fix the problem >It still happens >Mum jokes that the neighbour is probably growing cannabis and is tapping into our electricity supply >Neighbour has a big shed >I decide to climb over his fence and take a look inside >somuchweed.png >I take pictures with my phone >Come back home and tell my mummy >I call 101 (Non-emergency line) >Woman thinks I'm lying >Next day the police smash down his door and take all his weed away >He goes to jail and his kid gets taken away That's what you get for messing with my Minecraft experience. 155,5 kB PNG REPLY

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Anon reveals | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/23/21(Sun)07:31:48 No.63799777 >Revealed my power level by admitting that I didn't know that adults still have birthday parties. I thought that people singing for you at school was all birthdays 155 KB JPG can offer. >Revealed that I grew up weird because I thought birthday presents were a thing from movies because I never got one. I thought that you only got presents from grandparents at Christmas. >Revealed that l'm a weirdo cause my father doesn't even know the day I was born, and my mother keeps forgetting how old I am Any way to fix this? I don Anonymous 05/23/21(Sun)07:40:53 No.63799853 >>63799777 (OP) Look anon, I won't say "There are people out there living in a condition ten times worse than you are" or "At least you got a roof over your head and food in your belly, many people can't even afford that", but yeah it sucks to be in your place. Maybe your mom and dad are too busy making the ends meet that they didn't have time for all that, but it doesn't mean they don't love you. Whenever these thoughts overshadows your judgement just remember there are bigger things to do in life than to contemplate on something that's already happened, try to focus on how to get your 50 KB JPG life together anon.
Anonymous 05/23/21(Sun)07:31:48 No.63799777 >Revealed my power level by admitting that I didn't know that adults still have birthday parties. I thought that people singing for you at school was all birthdays 155 KB JPG can offer. >Revealed that I grew up weird because I thought birthday presents were a thing from movies because I never got one. I thought that you only got presents from grandparents at Christmas. >Revealed that l'm a weirdo cause my father doesn't even know the day I was born, and my mother keeps forgetting how old I am Any way to fix this? I don Anonymous 05/23/21(Sun)07:40:53 No.63799853 >>63799777 (OP) Look anon, I won't say "There are people out there living in a condition ten times worse than you are" or "At least you got a roof over your head and food in your belly, many people can't even afford that", but yeah it sucks to be in your place. Maybe your mom and dad are too busy making the ends meet that they didn't have time for all that, but it doesn't mean they don't love you. Whenever these thoughts overshadows your judgement just remember there are bigger things to do in life than to contemplate on something that's already happened, try to focus on how to get your 50 KB JPG life together anon.

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Anon meets the new student | /r/Greentext

: i don't even f------ know 11/23/18(Fri)01:18:32 No.49441899 I'm very sorry for what you all are about to hear: >be 10yo me >be in 5th grade >new student walks inside the classroom 6 KB PNG >everybody notices how short, and ugly this kid looks >he is also wearing some kind of red Santa hat, despite it being March at the time >later at lunch, kids were calling him a goblin >then he starts yelling at the kids, and then we learn that he has a ridiculous accent, probably Irish, or British or some s--- >then one kid comes over, and calls him an elf >that's when he loses his s--- >he kicks the kid in the groin, and starts scratching his chest >with one swift punch, he knocks him out >holyfuck.jpg >the weird kid gets up, and starts stomping, and shouting at us >"i'm not a g-nelf, i'm not a g-noblin... i'm a g-nome, and you've been... GNOMED!"
: i don't even f------ know 11/23/18(Fri)01:18:32 No.49441899 I'm very sorry for what you all are about to hear: >be 10yo me >be in 5th grade >new student walks inside the classroom 6 KB PNG >everybody notices how short, and ugly this kid looks >he is also wearing some kind of red Santa hat, despite it being March at the time >later at lunch, kids were calling him a goblin >then he starts yelling at the kids, and then we learn that he has a ridiculous accent, probably Irish, or British or some s--- >then one kid comes over, and calls him an elf >that's when he loses his s--- >he kicks the kid in the groin, and starts scratching his chest >with one swift punch, he knocks him out >holyfuck.jpg >the weird kid gets up, and starts stomping, and shouting at us >"i'm not a g-nelf, i'm not a g-noblin... i'm a g-nome, and you've been... GNOMED!"

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Anon Breaks a Promise | /r/Greentext

>>96970883 # >Have lifelong childhood best friend who is a girl >We swear 100% never to be boyfriend and girlfriend >Come 18 we're f------ like rabbits >Married her at 25. >>96983342 # Anonymous 11/22/17(Wed)15:10:37 No.9698334 >>96978978 # How does happiness feel anon? Care to share it with us?
>>96970883 # >Have lifelong childhood best friend who is a girl >We swear 100% never to be boyfriend and girlfriend >Come 18 we're f------ like rabbits >Married her at 25. >>96983342 # Anonymous 11/22/17(Wed)15:10:37 No.9698334 >>96978978 # How does happiness feel anon? Care to share it with us?

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Anon shares his passion | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/23/21(Sun)19:22:54 No.855145756 Wholesome stories with dads WERE GONNA DESTROY BULGARIA >be me >a few years ago >getting hours for drivers Ed with my dad ONCE AND FOR ALL >we've been silent the entire time because we don't talk much 487 KB JPG >out of the blue he asks what I'm interested in >start talking about sports, friends,etc. >"No Anon, what are you REALLY interested in?" >think for a minute >say history >my dad wasn't the smartest guy alive so he only knows past WW1 >asks what happened before WW1 >explain to him most European and American history after 1066 >never enjoyed myself more >dad actually paying attention and asking questions >we get home >says he wants to talk about history more and is happy to learn something at his age Love you dad.
: Anonymous 05/23/21(Sun)19:22:54 No.855145756 Wholesome stories with dads WERE GONNA DESTROY BULGARIA >be me >a few years ago >getting hours for drivers Ed with my dad ONCE AND FOR ALL >we've been silent the entire time because we don't talk much 487 KB JPG >out of the blue he asks what I'm interested in >start talking about sports, friends,etc. >"No Anon, what are you REALLY interested in?" >think for a minute >say history >my dad wasn't the smartest guy alive so he only knows past WW1 >asks what happened before WW1 >explain to him most European and American history after 1066 >never enjoyed myself more >dad actually paying attention and asking questions >we get home >says he wants to talk about history more and is happy to learn something at his age Love you dad.

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Anon has a good friend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/23/21(Sun)23:01:50 No.63807024 aMC HD maxresdefault (2).jpg 84 KB JPG >>63804900 (OP) # >friend gets picked as team captain >picks me first even though the other team has a chance of picking a much better player
: Anonymous 05/23/21(Sun)23:01:50 No.63807024 aMC HD maxresdefault (2).jpg 84 KB JPG >>63804900 (OP) # >friend gets picked as team captain >picks me first even though the other team has a chance of picking a much better player

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Anon finally sees 4chan for what it is | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 774692608 25 min. ago > 10 years agoI was afraid to post here thinking you guys are all hackers and badass >now I realize you are all a bunch of f------ 5.6 kB JPG 3 REPLIES 4 IMAGES REPLY Anonymous | 774692704 24 min. ago >>774692608 (OP) >welcome home you gay bitch 1 REPLY
Anonymous | 774692608 25 min. ago > 10 years agoI was afraid to post here thinking you guys are all hackers and badass >now I realize you are all a bunch of f------ 5.6 kB JPG 3 REPLIES 4 IMAGES REPLY Anonymous | 774692704 24 min. ago >>774692608 (OP) >welcome home you gay bitch 1 REPLY

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Anon gets the vaccine | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/23/21(Sun)16:30:43 No.8551462 >be me >just got COVID vaccine >have sudden urge to purchase Microsoft Office™ available now for only $69.99 per year 5 KB JPG
: Anonymous 05/23/21(Sun)16:30:43 No.8551462 >be me >just got COVID vaccine >have sudden urge to purchase Microsoft Office™ available now for only $69.99 per year 5 KB JPG

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The same green text posted every day but it’s lower quality, keep it going | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/08/16(Sun)23.04:54. No:68336816il >be me >20 Swalking around Brooklyn Enew to the aty >feel and opportunity come up >yell at the top.of my lungs G.KB JPG >BADDA BING > some falliguy in a greasy tank lop yells from hls apartment window >BADDA BOOM >mfw
Anonymous 05/08/16(Sun)23.04:54. No:68336816il >be me >20 Swalking around Brooklyn Enew to the aty >feel and opportunity come up >yell at the top.of my lungs G.KB JPG >BADDA BING > some falliguy in a greasy tank lop yells from hls apartment window >BADDA BOOM >mfw

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Fucking based | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/23/21(Sun)21:57:49 No.855118156 I just learned of this guy last month. Seems really smart but apparently most people don't think so. Give me your honest reasons why you don't like this guy? > Ben Shapiro 26 KB JPG : Anonymous 05/23/21(Sun)21:58:17 No.855118182 >>855118156 (OP) # >jewish
: Anonymous 05/23/21(Sun)21:57:49 No.855118156 I just learned of this guy last month. Seems really smart but apparently most people don't think so. Give me your honest reasons why you don't like this guy? > Ben Shapiro 26 KB JPG : Anonymous 05/23/21(Sun)21:58:17 No.855118182 >>855118156 (OP) # >jewish

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anon does a little trolling | /r/Greentext

>assigned to do a project with a co- worker >whenever we do some progress or get past a roadblock say the word "stupendous" >do it for a couple weeks >co-worker eventually starts picking it up 451 KB PNG >pavlov.png >co-worker starts saying stupendous as well in the same situations >stop saying it >ffw 1 month, project pretty much done >just cleared the last bug, co-worker says stupendous >allacordingtoplan.wav >"huh? that's an unusual expression" >"what do you mean, anon? I heard it from you" >"i never used that word in my life" see you soon on the board, fellow schizo
>assigned to do a project with a co- worker >whenever we do some progress or get past a roadblock say the word "stupendous" >do it for a couple weeks >co-worker eventually starts picking it up 451 KB PNG >pavlov.png >co-worker starts saying stupendous as well in the same situations >stop saying it >ffw 1 month, project pretty much done >just cleared the last bug, co-worker says stupendous >allacordingtoplan.wav >"huh? that's an unusual expression" >"what do you mean, anon? I heard it from you" >"i never used that word in my life" see you soon on the board, fellow schizo

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Anon dodges homework by hacking the school | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/23/21(Sun)14:36:23 No.81740304 >be in 7th grade >group PP presentations due unironically on tech topics >powerpoints were to be saved in the class network drive >be lazy and do nothing in meme class with friend >first day of presentations 250 KB PNG >panic.html >recall network drive not having any rules >ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DELETE >yes >first group of girls go up, digging through the network drive to no avail >confusion for 20 minutes >uncontrollable giggle everytime i make eye contact with friend >teacher realizes everyones projects are gone and not backed up >ff to being pulled outside of the classroom with fellow retard >DONT LIE TO ME ANONS. DID EITHER OF YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS >literally puncturing tongue with teeth trying not to laugh >"No" >never even slightly worried about getting caught >continued to rename teacher folders throughout the year to obscene names and delete ones we didn't like >mfw
: Anonymous 05/23/21(Sun)14:36:23 No.81740304 >be in 7th grade >group PP presentations due unironically on tech topics >powerpoints were to be saved in the class network drive >be lazy and do nothing in meme class with friend >first day of presentations 250 KB PNG >panic.html >recall network drive not having any rules >ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DELETE >yes >first group of girls go up, digging through the network drive to no avail >confusion for 20 minutes >uncontrollable giggle everytime i make eye contact with friend >teacher realizes everyones projects are gone and not backed up >ff to being pulled outside of the classroom with fellow retard >DONT LIE TO ME ANONS. DID EITHER OF YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS >literally puncturing tongue with teeth trying not to laugh >"No" >never even slightly worried about getting caught >continued to rename teacher folders throughout the year to obscene names and delete ones we didn't like >mfw

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Anon complains about mom stuff | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/23/21(Sun)17:27:58 No.63802231 >age 16 >fall asleep on the couch in an awkward position >mom takes a f------ picture of it >when I wake up she shows me >urge her to delete it >she promises she'll delete it 39 KB JPG >4 years later >sister makes a stupid collage of family photos >there is only one image of me and it's me sleeping >not only did she not delete it but she sent it to other people
: Anonymous 05/23/21(Sun)17:27:58 No.63802231 >age 16 >fall asleep on the couch in an awkward position >mom takes a f------ picture of it >when I wake up she shows me >urge her to delete it >she promises she'll delete it 39 KB JPG >4 years later >sister makes a stupid collage of family photos >there is only one image of me and it's me sleeping >not only did she not delete it but she sent it to other people

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