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Anon has an unpopular opinion | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/10/21 (Mon)12:17:38 No.854094226 >go on reddit >unpopular opinion subreddit >give unpopular opinion >downvoted how do these retards function 15 KB JPG
: Anonymous 05/10/21 (Mon)12:17:38 No.854094226 >go on reddit >unpopular opinion subreddit >give unpopular opinion >downvoted how do these retards function 15 KB JPG

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Anon makes a hell of a deal | /r/Greentext

>Know a guy who is a former marine (infantry) and deployed to Afghanistan >Now smokes meth, weed, and does heroin 21 KB JPG >Was begging me for money for heroin >Told him l'd give it to him if he gave me his military gear >Game me virtually everything, uniforms, photos, bags, chest rigs, helmet, night vision attachments >Basically all the gear filled up my entire car >Gave him $150 I feel bad, should i contact veteran affairs about this guy?
>Know a guy who is a former marine (infantry) and deployed to Afghanistan >Now smokes meth, weed, and does heroin 21 KB JPG >Was begging me for money for heroin >Told him l'd give it to him if he gave me his military gear >Game me virtually everything, uniforms, photos, bags, chest rigs, helmet, night vision attachments >Basically all the gear filled up my entire car >Gave him $150 I feel bad, should i contact veteran affairs about this guy?

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Anon is german | /r/Greentext

Pause Untbr Esc F1 F2 F3 F4 F5 F6 F7 F8 F9 F10 F11 F12 Drucken Rollen Num Lock Caps Sou Lock Lock Bild Enlg Post 3 3 4 6. R. P Bid En Ende Bild Post 4 5 6. A D H K. L 1 3 Enter Y V B N Ende Bid Alt Gr Strg Ent Alt Enlg Strg O Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)03:53:30 No.81536205 >>81536342 >>81536445 >>81536466 >>81536478 >>81537013 >>81537068 >>81537253 >>81537587 >>81539212 >>81541640 >>81542247 >Be German >Muscle memory built to type "@" with this combination of keys >Try MacOS for the first time >Same combination is equivalent of ALT+F4 >Close every application every time I try to log into any account of any service. F--- you Apple O Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)03:58:39 No.81536272 >>81539282 >>81541546 >>81542247 00ochh ich kannst nicht typen on zis dummkopf operatingssystemme ich bin sehr mad oooohhh nein
Pause Untbr Esc F1 F2 F3 F4 F5 F6 F7 F8 F9 F10 F11 F12 Drucken Rollen Num Lock Caps Sou Lock Lock Bild Enlg Post 3 3 4 6. R. P Bid En Ende Bild Post 4 5 6. A D H K. L 1 3 Enter Y V B N Ende Bid Alt Gr Strg Ent Alt Enlg Strg O Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)03:53:30 No.81536205 >>81536342 >>81536445 >>81536466 >>81536478 >>81537013 >>81537068 >>81537253 >>81537587 >>81539212 >>81541640 >>81542247 >Be German >Muscle memory built to type "@" with this combination of keys >Try MacOS for the first time >Same combination is equivalent of ALT+F4 >Close every application every time I try to log into any account of any service. F--- you Apple O Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)03:58:39 No.81536272 >>81539282 >>81541546 >>81542247 00ochh ich kannst nicht typen on zis dummkopf operatingssystemme ich bin sehr mad oooohhh nein

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Anon wakes up late | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)11:56:48 No.63605066 >wake up late for mothers day visit with gfs family >her mom and dad literally yell at me when I arrive >"don't even bother now anon! it's too late, you've ruined mothers day!!!" 67 KB JPG >irrationally furious over my innocent mistake, scolding me like a child >first time l've ever been late like this ever >turn around and drive home alone what the F--- is wrong with boomers
: Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)11:56:48 No.63605066 >wake up late for mothers day visit with gfs family >her mom and dad literally yell at me when I arrive >"don't even bother now anon! it's too late, you've ruined mothers day!!!" 67 KB JPG >irrationally furious over my innocent mistake, scolding me like a child >first time l've ever been late like this ever >turn around and drive home alone what the F--- is wrong with boomers

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Anon lifts weights | /r/Greentext

>>46575716 # >be me >neighbour has heavily disabled son 2.98 MB PNG >l'm talking Steven hawkings levels of qaudraspazzed >outside gym master race >one day l'm lifting and he's in the neighbors garden >l'm benching my 1RM >here a noise >look up and see this little spazoid cheering and bobbing his head >now every time I lift he wheels himself out and cheers me on >mfw I now lift for him
>>46575716 # >be me >neighbour has heavily disabled son 2.98 MB PNG >l'm talking Steven hawkings levels of qaudraspazzed >outside gym master race >one day l'm lifting and he's in the neighbors garden >l'm benching my 1RM >here a noise >look up and see this little spazoid cheering and bobbing his head >now every time I lift he wheels himself out and cheers me on >mfw I now lift for him

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Anon dupes money | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)09:23:35 No.854084977 >be me >find half a dollar note on ground >bring it to bank to get full dollar >gets idea >rips dollar note >get full dollar for one half >get another dollar for the other 29 KB JPG half at a different bank >have 2 dollars >mfw I find money duplication glitch View Thread
: Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)09:23:35 No.854084977 >be me >find half a dollar note on ground >bring it to bank to get full dollar >gets idea >rips dollar note >get full dollar for one half >get another dollar for the other 29 KB JPG half at a different bank >have 2 dollars >mfw I find money duplication glitch View Thread

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Anon has an experience | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/23/18(Thu)07:05:34 No.47689416 A girl touched my bathing suit CHICKEN FINGERS area last night. It was awesome. AND FRIES What is your most recent sexual experience? 160 KB JPG 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 08/23/18(Thu)07:12:53 No.47689484 >Be Me >Been seeing this woman for a few months >She's really nice and seems to care for me >One day she takes out her t--- >I start sucking on them >Be me >2 months old 000
: Anonymous 08/23/18(Thu)07:05:34 No.47689416 A girl touched my bathing suit CHICKEN FINGERS area last night. It was awesome. AND FRIES What is your most recent sexual experience? 160 KB JPG 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 08/23/18(Thu)07:12:53 No.47689484 >Be Me >Been seeing this woman for a few months >She's really nice and seems to care for me >One day she takes out her t--- >I start sucking on them >Be me >2 months old 000

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Anon wants a girlfriend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I deserve a gf 11/27/18(Tue)04:35:35 No.49522816 >l'm white >l'm young >l'm physically healthy >l'm not a manlet(over 6'0" / 183cm) >My peepee is 7x5in / 18x13cm >l have a strong sense of morality 120 KB JPG >l have a strong sense of honor >l have a favourable personality >l've been toldI am handsome >l can protect my wife and offspring from predators >l can provide resources and coverture for my wife and children >l am good with children and would make a good father >I can cook >l'm a strong swimmer >I have good taste in anime I deserve a gf : Anonymous 11/27/18(Tue)07:56:21 No.49524715 >>49522816 (OP) # >l have good taste in anime. Thats how you dry up their p---- like a desert you autist.
: Anonymous I deserve a gf 11/27/18(Tue)04:35:35 No.49522816 >l'm white >l'm young >l'm physically healthy >l'm not a manlet(over 6'0" / 183cm) >My peepee is 7x5in / 18x13cm >l have a strong sense of morality 120 KB JPG >l have a strong sense of honor >l have a favourable personality >l've been toldI am handsome >l can protect my wife and offspring from predators >l can provide resources and coverture for my wife and children >l am good with children and would make a good father >I can cook >l'm a strong swimmer >I have good taste in anime I deserve a gf : Anonymous 11/27/18(Tue)07:56:21 No.49524715 >>49522816 (OP) # >l have good taste in anime. Thats how you dry up their p---- like a desert you autist.

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Anon's dad has autism | /r/Greentext

E Anonymous 03/14/21(Sun)21:25:35 No.84959931 >Dad left when I was 12yo >l'm now 36yo >Calls me every 3 months or so to ask if I want fish >If I say yes he drops by and gives me a frozen fish I think my dad has autism. 704 13 KB JPG
E Anonymous 03/14/21(Sun)21:25:35 No.84959931 >Dad left when I was 12yo >l'm now 36yo >Calls me every 3 months or so to ask if I want fish >If I say yes he drops by and gives me a frozen fish I think my dad has autism. 704 13 KB JPG

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Anon has a plan | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)02:26:21 No.854067816 >Be me >Age 16 >l'm about to change schools, it's mid March >F------ hate Spanish Class >It's taught by some old ass almost 90 year old jewish lady who doesn't even 65 KB PNG speak spanish that well, probably got the job due to nepotism or some s--- idk >She teaches us spanish via movies and premade worksheets >She wants us to give her suggestions for movies to watch in class. >ldea.jfif >"Oh, Mrs. whoever I have this one i think we could all watch, it's called Curado de Espantos" >Don't even really know what it's about, but I know it from one scene >"ok anon we can watch that, we'll watch that on March 31st" >March 31st >The day before I was supposed to change schools >bingo.txt >"ahaha awesome teach, thank you" >wait The day arrives >old ass teacher puts the DVD in, sits right outside the door to do test remediations >f--- yes.wmv >l have no idea when the scene in question plays, all I can hope is that it happens before i leave for the day >the scene finally comes >"You fool, Jacinto! All my ancestors were jews!" >Silence in the class, the teacher gets up >"Okay, i also have this." >The main character pulls out a swastika. >"HEIL HITLER!" >old ass teacher nearly has a f------ heart attack >she's old enough to have actually lived through the Holocaust, so i'm not suprised >starts crying in front of the class >7th period, sol just get on the bus before she can get me called to the office >leave that school forever >triumph View Thread
: Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)02:26:21 No.854067816 >Be me >Age 16 >l'm about to change schools, it's mid March >F------ hate Spanish Class >It's taught by some old ass almost 90 year old jewish lady who doesn't even 65 KB PNG speak spanish that well, probably got the job due to nepotism or some s--- idk >She teaches us spanish via movies and premade worksheets >She wants us to give her suggestions for movies to watch in class. >ldea.jfif >"Oh, Mrs. whoever I have this one i think we could all watch, it's called Curado de Espantos" >Don't even really know what it's about, but I know it from one scene >"ok anon we can watch that, we'll watch that on March 31st" >March 31st >The day before I was supposed to change schools >bingo.txt >"ahaha awesome teach, thank you" >wait The day arrives >old ass teacher puts the DVD in, sits right outside the door to do test remediations >f--- yes.wmv >l have no idea when the scene in question plays, all I can hope is that it happens before i leave for the day >the scene finally comes >"You fool, Jacinto! All my ancestors were jews!" >Silence in the class, the teacher gets up >"Okay, i also have this." >The main character pulls out a swastika. >"HEIL HITLER!" >old ass teacher nearly has a f------ heart attack >she's old enough to have actually lived through the Holocaust, so i'm not suprised >starts crying in front of the class >7th period, sol just get on the bus before she can get me called to the office >leave that school forever >triumph View Thread

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Anon uses his power | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/21/19(Sat)10:18:04 No.816697201 >t----- >bike home from work >ride past a group of teen-agers >get wolf-wistled at >turn around and yell "ew thats gay" in my manliest voice >bike away while his friends laugh 40 KB JPG at him 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 12/21/19(Sat)10:25:53 No.816697581 >>816697201 (OP) # Man gay LOLI Trap hen Scere T kek 149 KB JPG
: Anonymous 12/21/19(Sat)10:18:04 No.816697201 >t----- >bike home from work >ride past a group of teen-agers >get wolf-wistled at >turn around and yell "ew thats gay" in my manliest voice >bike away while his friends laugh 40 KB JPG at him 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 12/21/19(Sat)10:25:53 No.816697581 >>816697201 (OP) # Man gay LOLI Trap hen Scere T kek 149 KB JPG

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Anon took the 2x pill | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/21/21(Sun)19:10:33 No.62855991 ► >>62856023 >>62856506 >>62856527 >>62856528 >>62856540 >watch all my youtube videos on 2x speed because I'm autistic and impatient for 5 years >everyone says I talk extremely fast now >I never stutter because talking at normal speed feels like talking at half speed for me, so I get more time to think about what I say Take the 2x pill
Anonymous 03/21/21(Sun)19:10:33 No.62855991 ► >>62856023 >>62856506 >>62856527 >>62856528 >>62856540 >watch all my youtube videos on 2x speed because I'm autistic and impatient for 5 years >everyone says I talk extremely fast now >I never stutter because talking at normal speed feels like talking at half speed for me, so I get more time to think about what I say Take the 2x pill

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Anon tests positive for covid | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)13:25:45 No.63605654 >test positive for covid >go to an anti-mask rally >cough around as much as possible while yelling covid is a hoax >couple of people look at me weird >tell them I do have covid and it's 13 KB JPG only making me have the coofs, I'm perfectly fine >prove covid is fake >people cheer me on for being brave >check the Facebook participants after a couple of weeks >couple ended up in the hospital >one died
: Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)13:25:45 No.63605654 >test positive for covid >go to an anti-mask rally >cough around as much as possible while yelling covid is a hoax >couple of people look at me weird >tell them I do have covid and it's 13 KB JPG only making me have the coofs, I'm perfectly fine >prove covid is fake >people cheer me on for being brave >check the Facebook participants after a couple of weeks >couple ended up in the hospital >one died

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Anon is from the future | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/09/21(Sun)16:26:42 No.6359296 >be me 30 years old in the year 2060 Huel >alarm goes off, get ejected from 2X1m apartment pod >put tube into my ass and brace myself for a Huel enema, nutrients are absorbed faster this way 159 KB JPG >put on my fitbit jumpsuit >accept user agreement for fitbit to track my vitals >fitbit alerts me that my Huel levels are low, automatic Huel top up initiated >tube shoots from the jumpsuit into my a------ >topupcomplete.mp3 >take self-driving Tesla e-scooter to the office >accept user agreement for Tesla to track my activity >traffic is bad today, e-scooters everywhere >fitbit alerts me that my stress levels are high >sprays me with natural calming mist >right in the eye >can't f------ see >accidentally switch e-scooter to manual >lose control and crash into oncoming traffic >Huel ejects from my ass >fitbit alerts me that my heart rate is high and Huel levels are low >tops me up with more Huel >sprays more natural calming mist >switch e-scooter back to self-driving mode >arrive at work >get inside 1x2m office pod >spend all day filling out captchas it's the only job Al's can't do >lunch time, brace myself for more Huel >decide to scoot to starbucks for a coffee >0.0000000000000000000000000000001 BTC for a decaffeinated, recycled, onions milk latte >accept user agreement for starbucks >tube shoots into my ass squirts luke warm coffee >feels good >scoot back to the office and fill out captchas for the rest of the day >on way back to my apartment pod >decide to stop and buy some more Huel, I used a lot today >leave store >alarm goes off >forgot to sign user agreement >surrounded by enforcement officers >they taze me >Huel ejects from my ass >they take me to the station >l accept police station user agreement >get put in 1m x 2m holding pod >have to watch 7 hour infographic on the importance of user agreements >get released with a warning >scoot back to my apartment pod >empty out the Huel from the feet of my fitbit jumpsuit >climb into my pod and go to sleep >Pic Related
: Anonymous 05/09/21(Sun)16:26:42 No.6359296 >be me 30 years old in the year 2060 Huel >alarm goes off, get ejected from 2X1m apartment pod >put tube into my ass and brace myself for a Huel enema, nutrients are absorbed faster this way 159 KB JPG >put on my fitbit jumpsuit >accept user agreement for fitbit to track my vitals >fitbit alerts me that my Huel levels are low, automatic Huel top up initiated >tube shoots from the jumpsuit into my a------ >topupcomplete.mp3 >take self-driving Tesla e-scooter to the office >accept user agreement for Tesla to track my activity >traffic is bad today, e-scooters everywhere >fitbit alerts me that my stress levels are high >sprays me with natural calming mist >right in the eye >can't f------ see >accidentally switch e-scooter to manual >lose control and crash into oncoming traffic >Huel ejects from my ass >fitbit alerts me that my heart rate is high and Huel levels are low >tops me up with more Huel >sprays more natural calming mist >switch e-scooter back to self-driving mode >arrive at work >get inside 1x2m office pod >spend all day filling out captchas it's the only job Al's can't do >lunch time, brace myself for more Huel >decide to scoot to starbucks for a coffee >0.0000000000000000000000000000001 BTC for a decaffeinated, recycled, onions milk latte >accept user agreement for starbucks >tube shoots into my ass squirts luke warm coffee >feels good >scoot back to the office and fill out captchas for the rest of the day >on way back to my apartment pod >decide to stop and buy some more Huel, I used a lot today >leave store >alarm goes off >forgot to sign user agreement >surrounded by enforcement officers >they taze me >Huel ejects from my ass >they take me to the station >l accept police station user agreement >get put in 1m x 2m holding pod >have to watch 7 hour infographic on the importance of user agreements >get released with a warning >scoot back to my apartment pod >empty out the Huel from the feet of my fitbit jumpsuit >climb into my pod and go to sleep >Pic Related

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Anon learns a new language | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/14/18(Thu)23:24:54 No.46119625 > study a foreign language in secret > study really hard for a couple of years, vocabulary, grammar, the whole nine yards > never tella soul > hide all of your resources for the 46 KB JPG target language > talk with native speakers using an alternate skype / discord but never tell them about your life so as to not trace back to you > become a master of this language > one day, go to public place like grocery store > pretend to slip / fall / feint > when you come to, only speak in your target language and act like you don't understand english anymore
: Anonymous 06/14/18(Thu)23:24:54 No.46119625 > study a foreign language in secret > study really hard for a couple of years, vocabulary, grammar, the whole nine yards > never tella soul > hide all of your resources for the 46 KB JPG target language > talk with native speakers using an alternate skype / discord but never tell them about your life so as to not trace back to you > become a master of this language > one day, go to public place like grocery store > pretend to slip / fall / feint > when you come to, only speak in your target language and act like you don't understand english anymore

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>Me reading this in JK Simmons voice | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/01/21 (Sat)06:05:19 No.122719443 19423857235643qtr.jpg 22 KB JPG >>122718884 (OP) # >Let me break it down for you, Mark. Your mother and I have a relationship that's all about a master/slave dynamic. When I said she was more like a pet to me, I meant that in the most literal way possible. Remember that time you found a dog collar under the couch and I told you it's because we were getting you a dog? That was a lie, son. Truthfully, your mom likes it when I put her on a leash and walk her around the backyard. She's usually naked, of course. I can't explain why, but the whole thing is her idea. She'll piss on trees, sleep in dog cages, chew up furniture - she one took a full-sized, adult woman s--- in my Dockers. Your mother is one f------up slut, Mark. And I love her, but I'm not bringing that energy back to Viltrum with me. Frankly? She scares me sometimes. I don't know who molested her or how they did it, but there is some dark juju in that woman's head and I just don't know if I'm strong enough to f--- it all away.
: Anonymous 05/01/21 (Sat)06:05:19 No.122719443 19423857235643qtr.jpg 22 KB JPG >>122718884 (OP) # >Let me break it down for you, Mark. Your mother and I have a relationship that's all about a master/slave dynamic. When I said she was more like a pet to me, I meant that in the most literal way possible. Remember that time you found a dog collar under the couch and I told you it's because we were getting you a dog? That was a lie, son. Truthfully, your mom likes it when I put her on a leash and walk her around the backyard. She's usually naked, of course. I can't explain why, but the whole thing is her idea. She'll piss on trees, sleep in dog cages, chew up furniture - she one took a full-sized, adult woman s--- in my Dockers. Your mother is one f------up slut, Mark. And I love her, but I'm not bringing that energy back to Viltrum with me. Frankly? She scares me sometimes. I don't know who molested her or how they did it, but there is some dark juju in that woman's head and I just don't know if I'm strong enough to f--- it all away.

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Anon has a lucid dream | /r/Greentext

>read a thread on a ritual that supposedly allows you to lucid dream >attempt it >it actually works >l can lucid dream 56 KB JPG >all I have to do is say something and it happens >if I say "I can fly" | can fly >if I were to say "I used to be President" | immediately flashback to my time in office >other characters appear in my dream >they start having flashbacks of their own >l can't control them >l have to stick to the script until their flashbacks are over >Peter Griffin is a character in my dreams >l have no power over him >every time he has a flashback I'm force to play along >every night I'm trapped in an episode of Family Guy >become terrified of sleeping >eventually my body caves and I fall asleep >every night I'm subjected to a hellscape of pop culture references and poop jokes
>read a thread on a ritual that supposedly allows you to lucid dream >attempt it >it actually works >l can lucid dream 56 KB JPG >all I have to do is say something and it happens >if I say "I can fly" | can fly >if I were to say "I used to be President" | immediately flashback to my time in office >other characters appear in my dream >they start having flashbacks of their own >l can't control them >l have to stick to the script until their flashbacks are over >Peter Griffin is a character in my dreams >l have no power over him >every time he has a flashback I'm force to play along >every night I'm trapped in an episode of Family Guy >become terrified of sleeping >eventually my body caves and I fall asleep >every night I'm subjected to a hellscape of pop culture references and poop jokes

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Anon works at a grocery store | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/09/21(Sun)14:09:19 No.853996180 >be me, 21yo stocker at large chain grocery store >worked there for 2.5 years now >cute girl, former fast food manager starts working there >store owner promotes her to manager almost instantly >worked 90% of my ass off every 49 KB JPG day >perfectly balanced tills and excellent stocker >she's friendly and we get along but she just chats with coworkers half the day >mfw I find out she gets paid more than me AND gets consistent hours I feel like a failure as a man.
: Anonymous 05/09/21(Sun)14:09:19 No.853996180 >be me, 21yo stocker at large chain grocery store >worked there for 2.5 years now >cute girl, former fast food manager starts working there >store owner promotes her to manager almost instantly >worked 90% of my ass off every 49 KB JPG day >perfectly balanced tills and excellent stocker >she's friendly and we get along but she just chats with coworkers half the day >mfw I find out she gets paid more than me AND gets consistent hours I feel like a failure as a man.

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Anon goes to Japan | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/09/21(Sun)17:42:01 No.854036063 Devilish stories thread >Have a big d--- by American standards(7.5) but pretty ugly face so no gf >Go to Japan (Marines) >Girls there are attracted to me just 645 KB PNG because l'm white >Have sex with dozens of Japanese girls during the time I'm there >Now every Japanese guy these girls f--- from now on will disappoint them Top kek
: Anonymous 05/09/21(Sun)17:42:01 No.854036063 Devilish stories thread >Have a big d--- by American standards(7.5) but pretty ugly face so no gf >Go to Japan (Marines) >Girls there are attracted to me just 645 KB PNG because l'm white >Have sex with dozens of Japanese girls during the time I'm there >Now every Japanese guy these girls f--- from now on will disappoint them Top kek

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Anon is a solder | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/05/21(Fri)07:40:24 No.275169 File: 48934538486.jpg (120 KB, 400x226) >>277085 Rayvond1X 10,00 $US R1X Hey @Gawr Gura Ch. hololive-EN how are U doing today, Just drop a10Bits for U. I've 2 go cuz My Military Camp is under Attack, My Commanding officer has just Called Me so yeah! Witch Me luck... T DX Iwas in Ine miumary u my >be soldier >be in military camp >ennemy airstrike is coming in >panic >??? >send ten dollars to a virtual loli
Anonymous 02/05/21(Fri)07:40:24 No.275169 File: 48934538486.jpg (120 KB, 400x226) >>277085 Rayvond1X 10,00 $US R1X Hey @Gawr Gura Ch. hololive-EN how are U doing today, Just drop a10Bits for U. I've 2 go cuz My Military Camp is under Attack, My Commanding officer has just Called Me so yeah! Witch Me luck... T DX Iwas in Ine miumary u my >be soldier >be in military camp >ennemy airstrike is coming in >panic >??? >send ten dollars to a virtual loli

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