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anon browses a imageboard | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/29/21(Thu)21:23:33 No.853284791 >go to imageboard >type 'a' in search bar >animal genitalia is top result with 2.5 million images tagged >mfw 29 KB JPG
: Anonymous 04/29/21(Thu)21:23:33 No.853284791 >go to imageboard >type 'a' in search bar >animal genitalia is top result with 2.5 million images tagged >mfw 29 KB JPG

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Anon's on and off relationship | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/24/18(Wed)00:46:16 No.757814844 >me 6 y.o. >out of f------ nowhere I stab this girl with a pencil (I stabbed her hand) >obviously I got into big trouble >4 years later we end up in the same group in elementary >she's still f------ p----- that I stabbed her with a pencil >a year later she moves out of town >2014, I'm bar diving, cruisin' for p---- >this hot chick has been eyeballing me all night >it's pretty obvious she wants the D >l approach with romantic intentions >"omg, are you anon from happy cloud kindergarden?" >why yes I am ma'am >you remember how you stabbed me with a pencil? I sill have the tip lodged under my skin >Crazy times right? anyway, now that we're both older I can stab you with the mighty D all night >she slaps me, calls me an a------ a proceeds to tell the security people I've been harassing her all night >they kicked me out f------ bitch, I'm glad I stabbed her and l'd do it again.
: Anonymous 01/24/18(Wed)00:46:16 No.757814844 >me 6 y.o. >out of f------ nowhere I stab this girl with a pencil (I stabbed her hand) >obviously I got into big trouble >4 years later we end up in the same group in elementary >she's still f------ p----- that I stabbed her with a pencil >a year later she moves out of town >2014, I'm bar diving, cruisin' for p---- >this hot chick has been eyeballing me all night >it's pretty obvious she wants the D >l approach with romantic intentions >"omg, are you anon from happy cloud kindergarden?" >why yes I am ma'am >you remember how you stabbed me with a pencil? I sill have the tip lodged under my skin >Crazy times right? anyway, now that we're both older I can stab you with the mighty D all night >she slaps me, calls me an a------ a proceeds to tell the security people I've been harassing her all night >they kicked me out f------ bitch, I'm glad I stabbed her and l'd do it again.

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Anon gets lonely | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/29/21(Thu)12:08:52 No.63440800 >talk to someone >they seem really interested and into me >open up and get attached >they leave 302 KB PNG Am getting real f------ tired of this s---.... 23 Replies / 6 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 04/29/21(Thu)12:08:52 No.63440800 >talk to someone >they seem really interested and into me >open up and get attached >they leave 302 KB PNG Am getting real f------ tired of this s---.... 23 Replies / 6 Images View Thread

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Anon is a disguisting incel | /r/Greentext

File: 1609882960824.gif (1015 KB, 200x200) O Anonymous 04/29/21(Thu)17:43:12 No.63439867 [Reply] > >>63439955 >>63440199 >>63440346 >>63440412 >I'm an incel >l don't shower, change clothes or have any sense of hygeine >l constantly quote lolicon anime and racist memes >I'm 400lbs with severe autism and depression and I have no job or money >WHY WON'T WOMEN DATE ME??? + 1 reply omitted. Click here to view.
File: 1609882960824.gif (1015 KB, 200x200) O Anonymous 04/29/21(Thu)17:43:12 No.63439867 [Reply] > >>63439955 >>63440199 >>63440346 >>63440412 >I'm an incel >l don't shower, change clothes or have any sense of hygeine >l constantly quote lolicon anime and racist memes >I'm 400lbs with severe autism and depression and I have no job or money >WHY WON'T WOMEN DATE ME??? + 1 reply omitted. Click here to view.

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Anon gets the zinger combo | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)03:26:15 No.6345078C >l'd like to order the three piece feed z >just a regular thanks >Pepsi is fine for the drink 7 KB JPG 7 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)03:30:34 No.63450808 >>63450951 # : Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)03:32:40 No.63450824 >l'Il have the Zinger Combo with an orange juice for the drink >Why yes, I would like to donate an additional 5 cents to feed children starving overseas. 9 KB JPG
: Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)03:26:15 No.6345078C >l'd like to order the three piece feed z >just a regular thanks >Pepsi is fine for the drink 7 KB JPG 7 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)03:30:34 No.63450808 >>63450951 # : Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)03:32:40 No.63450824 >l'Il have the Zinger Combo with an orange juice for the drink >Why yes, I would like to donate an additional 5 cents to feed children starving overseas. 9 KB JPG

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Anon has a house now | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)23:11:32 No.853223742 >be me 26 LIB >disgusting neet still living in moms basement ER >my mom died a month ago >moms basement is now my basement >tfw when l'm now a mysterious recluse bachelor 51 KB JPG >see ya later incels
: Anonymous 04/28/21(Wed)23:11:32 No.853223742 >be me 26 LIB >disgusting neet still living in moms basement ER >my mom died a month ago >moms basement is now my basement >tfw when l'm now a mysterious recluse bachelor 51 KB JPG >see ya later incels

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anon is fucking bamboozled | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/29/21(Thu)19:32:36 No.853285383 Funny thing happened to me at work today /b/ros. >be me >working at liquor store >cute, shy girl comes in >she takes off a pair of earmuffs. 192 KB JPG The kind you wear for hearing protection >"cute and autistic? Sounds like the girl for me." I thought. >i say hello >she sheepishly waves and says "hi" not making eye contact. >she walks around for a few minutes >grabs some vodka >she walks up to the counter, obviously nervous. >i check her ID >"Sex: M" >now that I could see her closer its obvious it was a t-----. >It'satrap.gif >mfw Why the f--- does this s--- keep happening to me? First in anime then in real life.
: Anonymous 04/29/21(Thu)19:32:36 No.853285383 Funny thing happened to me at work today /b/ros. >be me >working at liquor store >cute, shy girl comes in >she takes off a pair of earmuffs. 192 KB JPG The kind you wear for hearing protection >"cute and autistic? Sounds like the girl for me." I thought. >i say hello >she sheepishly waves and says "hi" not making eye contact. >she walks around for a few minutes >grabs some vodka >she walks up to the counter, obviously nervous. >i check her ID >"Sex: M" >now that I could see her closer its obvious it was a t-----. >It'satrap.gif >mfw Why the f--- does this s--- keep happening to me? First in anime then in real life.

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Misunderstanding | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/25/19(Fri)12:52:52 No.52918475 >>52918093 (OP) # Not sure if this is funny or cringe, but here it goes >Do my squats >Make an audible fart 210 KB PNG >A trio of young girls behind me are giggling >Try to play it cool >"Hey, at least I got this entire area to myself" | shout at them while smiling >They look at me with confusion and one of them goes "what?" >"Well now it smells bad here so nobody will disturb me" >"Um what are you talking about?" >"You know, the fart that I just made smells pretty bad" >"...okay" >Realize they were laughing at something else >Mfw I can never return to that gym >>52918505 # >>52918515 # >>52918520 # >>52918529 # >>52918542 # >>52918636 # >>52918666 # >>52918843 # >>52919216 # >>52919266 # >>52919388 # >>52919810 # >>52920013 #
: Anonymous 10/25/19(Fri)12:52:52 No.52918475 >>52918093 (OP) # Not sure if this is funny or cringe, but here it goes >Do my squats >Make an audible fart 210 KB PNG >A trio of young girls behind me are giggling >Try to play it cool >"Hey, at least I got this entire area to myself" | shout at them while smiling >They look at me with confusion and one of them goes "what?" >"Well now it smells bad here so nobody will disturb me" >"Um what are you talking about?" >"You know, the fart that I just made smells pretty bad" >"...okay" >Realize they were laughing at something else >Mfw I can never return to that gym >>52918505 # >>52918515 # >>52918520 # >>52918529 # >>52918542 # >>52918636 # >>52918666 # >>52918843 # >>52919216 # >>52919266 # >>52919388 # >>52919810 # >>52920013 #

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Anon almost dies shitting | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed) 17:15:19 No.845914110 >taking massive s--- >coming out sideways >hurts like hell| >feel and hear anus tearing >losing lots of blood >pass out from blood loss >wake up around 15 minutes later 52 KB PNG >go to wipe >cleanwipe.doc >no blood, no s--- >feel around a------ >someone sewn up my gaping wound and cleaned it >blood and s--- still in toilet Thank you mystery a------ mender, i am forever in your debt
: Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed) 17:15:19 No.845914110 >taking massive s--- >coming out sideways >hurts like hell| >feel and hear anus tearing >losing lots of blood >pass out from blood loss >wake up around 15 minutes later 52 KB PNG >go to wipe >cleanwipe.doc >no blood, no s--- >feel around a------ >someone sewn up my gaping wound and cleaned it >blood and s--- still in toilet Thank you mystery a------ mender, i am forever in your debt

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Anon Likes Drag Queens | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)01:10:03 No.853295031 >be me >good ole country boy USA BABY! >Alittle drunk one night and wanna watch something new on tv >See "RuPauls Drag Race" 111 KB PNG "YEEHAWW HOTDOG DRAG RACIN!" BOY DO I LOVE RACECARS >Flip to the channel >"wait a minute, theres alot of hot f----- chicks!" >whip out the old p----- >c-- loads >tell friends about it next day at work >tellem I found this hot ass show when I was drunk >fine ladies dude >"Im tellin you guys, you gotta give it a chance, these chicks were hotter than [Insert southern state] in July ill tell you what" They all bust out laughing and tell me whats going on. Oh Well, now im a gay ranch hand I guess. Yehaww. View Thread
: Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)01:10:03 No.853295031 >be me >good ole country boy USA BABY! >Alittle drunk one night and wanna watch something new on tv >See "RuPauls Drag Race" 111 KB PNG "YEEHAWW HOTDOG DRAG RACIN!" BOY DO I LOVE RACECARS >Flip to the channel >"wait a minute, theres alot of hot f----- chicks!" >whip out the old p----- >c-- loads >tell friends about it next day at work >tellem I found this hot ass show when I was drunk >fine ladies dude >"Im tellin you guys, you gotta give it a chance, these chicks were hotter than [Insert southern state] in July ill tell you what" They all bust out laughing and tell me whats going on. Oh Well, now im a gay ranch hand I guess. Yehaww. View Thread

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Anon figures out the truth | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 04/29/21(Thu)18:53:36 No.853272593 [Reply] > >>853272804 >be me >learn about rule 34 >if it exists there's p--- of it >look up israel p--- >there's no p--- of israel >mfw I just proved israel doesn't exist O Anonymous 04/29/21(Thu)18:54:55 No.853272662 File: jewexposed.jpg (12 KB, 188x268) shut it down!! shut it doooown!!!!!
O Anonymous 04/29/21(Thu)18:53:36 No.853272593 [Reply] > >>853272804 >be me >learn about rule 34 >if it exists there's p--- of it >look up israel p--- >there's no p--- of israel >mfw I just proved israel doesn't exist O Anonymous 04/29/21(Thu)18:54:55 No.853272662 File: jewexposed.jpg (12 KB, 188x268) shut it down!! shut it doooown!!!!!

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Anon goes to the dermatologist. | /r/Greentext

>Be me >Have super ashy skin (I'm white) >So bad that in the mid- summer I sometimes bleed 74 KB JPG from my skin cracking >Go to dermatologist >Get this lotion thats supposed to help >300 dollars a bottle >Get home >J------- with it
>Be me >Have super ashy skin (I'm white) >So bad that in the mid- summer I sometimes bleed 74 KB JPG from my skin cracking >Go to dermatologist >Get this lotion thats supposed to help >300 dollars a bottle >Get home >J------- with it

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anon is from brazil | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous O 04/29/21(Thu)12:14:21 No.107945463 >mom gave me a jersey from a team I hate and now I have to use it not to hurt her feelings 29 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/29/21(Thu)12:15:41 No.107945490 : Anonymous 04/29/21(Thu)12:15:41 No.107945491 As a Brazilian you should be grateful to have clothes >>107945631 # >>107945729 # >>107946231 #
: Anonymous O 04/29/21(Thu)12:14:21 No.107945463 >mom gave me a jersey from a team I hate and now I have to use it not to hurt her feelings 29 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/29/21(Thu)12:15:41 No.107945490 : Anonymous 04/29/21(Thu)12:15:41 No.107945491 As a Brazilian you should be grateful to have clothes >>107945631 # >>107945729 # >>107946231 #

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Anon buys a gun | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)03:16:59 No.63446820 >turn 18 >decide it is time for me to buy weapons >read gun laws and look what I can buy >go to gun shop and buy a bolt action rifle and some ammo, ill 6 KB PNG shoot at cans in the garden >cute shop assistants asks me to prove im 18 >i show her my driving license that has an old pic >"wow, you lost a lot of weight anon, you look much better now, great job." >go bonkers and shoot her because its the nicest thing a person has ever said to me
: Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)03:16:59 No.63446820 >turn 18 >decide it is time for me to buy weapons >read gun laws and look what I can buy >go to gun shop and buy a bolt action rifle and some ammo, ill 6 KB PNG shoot at cans in the garden >cute shop assistants asks me to prove im 18 >i show her my driving license that has an old pic >"wow, you lost a lot of weight anon, you look much better now, great job." >go bonkers and shoot her because its the nicest thing a person has ever said to me

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Anon doesn't know when to hold 'em | /r/Greentext

File: loss.jpg (7 KB, 294x172) Anonymous 01/03/16(Sun)18:48:42 No.661200318 Greentext stories, I'll begin >be me, 16 >lazy saturday at home >sitting at computer >have to fart >not sure if it's poop or gas >roll the dice ADAL >start pushing >watery diarrhea soaks my jeans >wasn't wearing underwear >shuffle to bathroom in shame >change jeans a little while later. >be in my room >butt cheeks start to clench >still not sure if it's s--- or fart >figure there's no way I can lose twice in one day >"hit me" >relax cheeks >immediately s--- myself >absolutely dumbfounded >shuffle back to bathroom, clean up >put on new pair of jeans and still later that day... >standing in my living room >screwing around or something >the same urge comes >clench booty tight >think really hard about my odds >still not wearing underwear >bathroom is literally four feet away >"triple or nothing, baby" >as soon as I push, diarrhea comes out >runs down my pant leg >mfw absolutely devastated I bet on a fart three times and lost every time, all in one day. Seriously, what are the odds?
File: loss.jpg (7 KB, 294x172) Anonymous 01/03/16(Sun)18:48:42 No.661200318 Greentext stories, I'll begin >be me, 16 >lazy saturday at home >sitting at computer >have to fart >not sure if it's poop or gas >roll the dice ADAL >start pushing >watery diarrhea soaks my jeans >wasn't wearing underwear >shuffle to bathroom in shame >change jeans a little while later. >be in my room >butt cheeks start to clench >still not sure if it's s--- or fart >figure there's no way I can lose twice in one day >"hit me" >relax cheeks >immediately s--- myself >absolutely dumbfounded >shuffle back to bathroom, clean up >put on new pair of jeans and still later that day... >standing in my living room >screwing around or something >the same urge comes >clench booty tight >think really hard about my odds >still not wearing underwear >bathroom is literally four feet away >"triple or nothing, baby" >as soon as I push, diarrhea comes out >runs down my pant leg >mfw absolutely devastated I bet on a fart three times and lost every time, all in one day. Seriously, what are the odds?

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Anon is chad now | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/26/18(Mon)22:05:13 No.49510637 JESUS >be me D--- >first year of college >people for some reason are still being as edgy as they were in 10th f------ grade >phones somehow determine social status 1.65 MB PNG >acquire OnePlus 6T over thanksgiving break >phone has Gorilla Glass 6 (this is important later) >chad with XS Max laughs at phone >"Imao he got a f------ android" >mfw benchmark says it outperforms his phone >deliver him the news >chad does not believe >"at least my phone doesn't explode" >mfw a iPhone X exploded from a system update >deliver the news again >"mine has the toughest glass in a smartphone ever" says the chad >bet >have dropped phone face first, no cracks on mine before >"you sure about that buddy" >"haha yeah" >"alright bet" >"bet" >we drop our phones from same height face first onto marble floor >no screen protectors on either btw >my phone lands face first with a "whumpf" >his lands with a breaking sound >pick up phones >my screen has no damage >his screen is completely shattered >mfw made a chad break his phone and got away with it >mfw android is better
: Anonymous 11/26/18(Mon)22:05:13 No.49510637 JESUS >be me D--- >first year of college >people for some reason are still being as edgy as they were in 10th f------ grade >phones somehow determine social status 1.65 MB PNG >acquire OnePlus 6T over thanksgiving break >phone has Gorilla Glass 6 (this is important later) >chad with XS Max laughs at phone >"Imao he got a f------ android" >mfw benchmark says it outperforms his phone >deliver him the news >chad does not believe >"at least my phone doesn't explode" >mfw a iPhone X exploded from a system update >deliver the news again >"mine has the toughest glass in a smartphone ever" says the chad >bet >have dropped phone face first, no cracks on mine before >"you sure about that buddy" >"haha yeah" >"alright bet" >"bet" >we drop our phones from same height face first onto marble floor >no screen protectors on either btw >my phone lands face first with a "whumpf" >his lands with a breaking sound >pick up phones >my screen has no damage >his screen is completely shattered >mfw made a chad break his phone and got away with it >mfw android is better

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Anon is sadist | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/26/21(Fri)22:06:13 No.62513700 >Be me on bus >Middle of winter so bus is heated to 90 degrees >Crammed full of people standing shoulder to shoulder >Feel a tummy grumble >Lean a bit to spread cheeks so no noise escapes >Nice and quiet >Know it's going to be RANK >First pasanger starts to notice and wrinkles her nose >Then 5 >Then 10 >People now gagging trying to get away from the smell >Join in the theatrics but secretly laughing as they all gag on my gas F----- turned that bus into an Auschwitz shower stall
: Anonymous 02/26/21(Fri)22:06:13 No.62513700 >Be me on bus >Middle of winter so bus is heated to 90 degrees >Crammed full of people standing shoulder to shoulder >Feel a tummy grumble >Lean a bit to spread cheeks so no noise escapes >Nice and quiet >Know it's going to be RANK >First pasanger starts to notice and wrinkles her nose >Then 5 >Then 10 >People now gagging trying to get away from the smell >Join in the theatrics but secretly laughing as they all gag on my gas F----- turned that bus into an Auschwitz shower stall

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Anon needs to lose weight | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/02/17(Sun)11:57:40 No.737628777 >be me. 5'11" 260 pounds. Yes I'm fat. >my life consists of cleaning out the trashcans and wiping s--- off of hospital floors >know of a patient dying of cancer. been on a hospital bed for 3 weeks 61 KB PNG now. >he called me over yesterday. first time he's ever spoke to me. I'm listening intently >"I don't know you but my dying wish for you is to lose all that f------ weight so you don't die a fat slob" >he died today I don't know how to feel : Anonymous 07/02/17(Sun)11:59:10 No.737628906 Lose the weight fgt >737630720 #
: Anonymous 07/02/17(Sun)11:57:40 No.737628777 >be me. 5'11" 260 pounds. Yes I'm fat. >my life consists of cleaning out the trashcans and wiping s--- off of hospital floors >know of a patient dying of cancer. been on a hospital bed for 3 weeks 61 KB PNG now. >he called me over yesterday. first time he's ever spoke to me. I'm listening intently >"I don't know you but my dying wish for you is to lose all that f------ weight so you don't die a fat slob" >he died today I don't know how to feel : Anonymous 07/02/17(Sun)11:59:10 No.737628906 Lose the weight fgt >737630720 #

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Anon doesn't know what to do | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/13/21(Sat)15:10:49 No.849496971 >be me >32 year old single dad >have 15 year old son >he's a total social outcast, SON...WHY? stays online until 1am after ODO school 42 KB JPG >past few months he's been more feminine than usual >be eating dinner with him one day >"hey son, i've noticed you're behaving more feminine lately. do you something to tell me?" >says "you wouldn't understand" and leaves the table upset >ffw a few weeks later >he's going to meet a friend or something after school >investigationtime.bat >sneak in his room before he arrives >check his discord, all chats are roleplay conversations and servers are named stuff like "femboy hub" or gay s--- like that >check his browser history >amazon page shows up, it's some pink and white stripes high thighs >more amazon pages, this time with various anime women figurines >realize all the packages have been ordered a while ago and are arriving in half an hour, son won't be here in 4 hours wat do
: Anonymous 03/13/21(Sat)15:10:49 No.849496971 >be me >32 year old single dad >have 15 year old son >he's a total social outcast, SON...WHY? stays online until 1am after ODO school 42 KB JPG >past few months he's been more feminine than usual >be eating dinner with him one day >"hey son, i've noticed you're behaving more feminine lately. do you something to tell me?" >says "you wouldn't understand" and leaves the table upset >ffw a few weeks later >he's going to meet a friend or something after school >investigationtime.bat >sneak in his room before he arrives >check his discord, all chats are roleplay conversations and servers are named stuff like "femboy hub" or gay s--- like that >check his browser history >amazon page shows up, it's some pink and white stripes high thighs >more amazon pages, this time with various anime women figurines >realize all the packages have been ordered a while ago and are arriving in half an hour, son won't be here in 4 hours wat do

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Anon is no longer sad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/19/21(Mon)08:20:17 No.852447592 >be me >sad about small d--- >buy clone a willy >make my c--- into a dildo >suck my own cockdildo >w--.jpg >this s--- feels huge in my mouth 7 KB JPG >i no longer feel sad about my d--- >i appreciate my c--- now >thanks clone a willy
: Anonymous 04/19/21(Mon)08:20:17 No.852447592 >be me >sad about small d--- >buy clone a willy >make my c--- into a dildo >suck my own cockdildo >w--.jpg >this s--- feels huge in my mouth 7 KB JPG >i no longer feel sad about my d--- >i appreciate my c--- now >thanks clone a willy

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