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Anon does a prank | /r/Greentext

>Be me, 17 >the space between two classrooms was turned into a separate room >the doors both open inside the room 39 KB JPG >lightbulb.bat >shove two tables inside >push the middle up >leave the room >the door closes and the 2 tables fall into position, barricading both doors >they had to break the door and install a new one >mfw nobody in my class has spilled anything to the teacher, even after the 3rd time she asked who it was
>Be me, 17 >the space between two classrooms was turned into a separate room >the doors both open inside the room 39 KB JPG >lightbulb.bat >shove two tables inside >push the middle up >leave the room >the door closes and the 2 tables fall into position, barricading both doors >they had to break the door and install a new one >mfw nobody in my class has spilled anything to the teacher, even after the 3rd time she asked who it was

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Anon is spending time with his gf | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)01:16:53 No.852960745 >be me >watching anime with gf >anime girl with 2 humongous t--- comes on screen >"wow anon, she's got bigger boobs than me" 20 KB PNG >"yeah" >flips out at me >"w-- anon? you think she's better?" >"what? no!" >continues to flip out this bitch set me up do women really feel the need for constant validation that they're so special? 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)01:16:53 No.852960745 >be me >watching anime with gf >anime girl with 2 humongous t--- comes on screen >"wow anon, she's got bigger boobs than me" 20 KB PNG >"yeah" >flips out at me >"w-- anon? you think she's better?" >"what? no!" >continues to flip out this bitch set me up do women really feel the need for constant validation that they're so special? 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon wasn't the brightest | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/17/17(Sun)21:56:15 No.754124819 > Back in 1th grade > Teacher ask to write my name > Draw a banana > Gets a F and public exposure I hate my life 13 KB JPG : Anonymous 12/17/17(Sun)21:58:23 No.754125046 >1th You deserve what you got op
: Anonymous 12/17/17(Sun)21:56:15 No.754124819 > Back in 1th grade > Teacher ask to write my name > Draw a banana > Gets a F and public exposure I hate my life 13 KB JPG : Anonymous 12/17/17(Sun)21:58:23 No.754125046 >1th You deserve what you got op

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Never send a chad to do an anon job | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/28/21(Thu)17:11:23 No.845994812 >be 12 >me and friend wonder if there really is a afterlife >come up with plan >friend will blow brains out 35 KB JPG >respawn >meet back up for pizza >bulletproof.jpg >he does the deed >14 years later >still no sign of him I knew he was to retarded to handle such a mission. If you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself >cocks gun None of you f--- touch my s--- while i'm gone
: Anonymous 01/28/21(Thu)17:11:23 No.845994812 >be 12 >me and friend wonder if there really is a afterlife >come up with plan >friend will blow brains out 35 KB JPG >respawn >meet back up for pizza >bulletproof.jpg >he does the deed >14 years later >still no sign of him I knew he was to retarded to handle such a mission. If you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself >cocks gun None of you f--- touch my s--- while i'm gone

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Anon orders pizza | /r/Greentext


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Anon is reminded | /r/Greentext

>>63280286 # >Your life is not a movie, there will be no sudden plot twists. 51 KB PNG
>>63280286 # >Your life is not a movie, there will be no sudden plot twists. 51 KB PNG

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Anon thinks there are ghosts inside his house | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/15/20(Thu)08:03:25 No.26452956 >>26425930 (OP) # >Be me 13 >Get up for a glass of water at 1am >Living room pitch black, except the glow from a dull yellow lamp >Hear a voice calling my name: "anon." and pausing before calling again: "anon." >Get a really weird sensation in my legs as I look around the room. >I think "ah man, the schizophrenia's kicking in" >"Anon." and I notice the voice is coming from outside the window >Walk over to the window, and the voice says "good night anon" >lt was just my dad out in the yard looking at stars
: Anonymous 10/15/20(Thu)08:03:25 No.26452956 >>26425930 (OP) # >Be me 13 >Get up for a glass of water at 1am >Living room pitch black, except the glow from a dull yellow lamp >Hear a voice calling my name: "anon." and pausing before calling again: "anon." >Get a really weird sensation in my legs as I look around the room. >I think "ah man, the schizophrenia's kicking in" >"Anon." and I notice the voice is coming from outside the window >Walk over to the window, and the voice says "good night anon" >lt was just my dad out in the yard looking at stars

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Anon suspiciously knows a lot about the smell of assholes | /r/Greentext

Vo) 01:56 LTE1 .l 53% Board /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 Settings Mobile Home : Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)01:16:53 No.63382162 How the f--- do people not smell like s---? I am not showering every god damn day f--- off. >go to sleep >sweat in my sleep wake up with my shirt covered in sweat 405 KB PNG >go on a couple brief walks >sweat and smell like s--- >take a s--- >eventually start smelling ass hole I am not doing f------ laundry and showers 18 times a week every time I sweat : Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)01:17:59 No.63382176 >>63382162 (OP) # Imagine having such an easy life that you can just smell like s--- all day >>63382225 # : Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)01:20:43 No.63382213 >>63382162 (OP) # Analysis of all the things wrong with this post >OP refuses to shower once every day >OP sleeps with his shirt on (???) >OP is likely doing a poor job of cleaning his a------ after defecating 41 KB JPG >OP is likely not using deodorant >OP refuses to do his laundry >OP lives such an isolated life that no one calls him out on all of this irl https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H-pj- QEPBI9&list=PLzow_a78mvFrQ-giNFT1 okEHltbwkMZtQ&index=1&ab_channel=Mr .BestTwitchClips [Open] >>63382292 #
Vo) 01:56 LTE1 .l 53% Board /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 Settings Mobile Home : Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)01:16:53 No.63382162 How the f--- do people not smell like s---? I am not showering every god damn day f--- off. >go to sleep >sweat in my sleep wake up with my shirt covered in sweat 405 KB PNG >go on a couple brief walks >sweat and smell like s--- >take a s--- >eventually start smelling ass hole I am not doing f------ laundry and showers 18 times a week every time I sweat : Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)01:17:59 No.63382176 >>63382162 (OP) # Imagine having such an easy life that you can just smell like s--- all day >>63382225 # : Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)01:20:43 No.63382213 >>63382162 (OP) # Analysis of all the things wrong with this post >OP refuses to shower once every day >OP sleeps with his shirt on (???) >OP is likely doing a poor job of cleaning his a------ after defecating 41 KB JPG >OP is likely not using deodorant >OP refuses to do his laundry >OP lives such an isolated life that no one calls him out on all of this irl https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H-pj- QEPBI9&list=PLzow_a78mvFrQ-giNFT1 okEHltbwkMZtQ&index=1&ab_channel=Mr .BestTwitchClips [Open] >>63382292 #

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Anon is a trailblazer | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/25/21(Sun)13:00:51 No.852959673 >be me, 12yo boy >middle school in Alabama in the early 90s >PE class is segregated by gender bc that's just how it was in that time and place >Male PE is all football, baseball, 67 KB PNG and basketball >suck at all those things and relentlessly tortured and bullied >ask coach if I can join girl PE >confusedface.png >says ok >girls accept me without judgment >they play handball, badminton, and tennis >am actually good at those things >actually have lots of fun >other Male weaklings follow my lead and join girl PE >actually make friends >mfw I am a trailblazer Thx girls for not bullying me. This is why I will never hate women as much as I hate other men
: Anonymous 04/25/21(Sun)13:00:51 No.852959673 >be me, 12yo boy >middle school in Alabama in the early 90s >PE class is segregated by gender bc that's just how it was in that time and place >Male PE is all football, baseball, 67 KB PNG and basketball >suck at all those things and relentlessly tortured and bullied >ask coach if I can join girl PE >confusedface.png >says ok >girls accept me without judgment >they play handball, badminton, and tennis >am actually good at those things >actually have lots of fun >other Male weaklings follow my lead and join girl PE >actually make friends >mfw I am a trailblazer Thx girls for not bullying me. This is why I will never hate women as much as I hate other men

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Anon becomes a sugar baby | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/25/21(Sun)20:36:45 No.63378561 >be me. 28 NEET, lost virginity to hookers at 24, never had a gf or a job >meet literal 10/10 milf on dating app that wants to hook up >5 years older than me >way out of my league with 6 salary job >find out shes married and has a 3 y.o kid from her social media 1.4 MB PNG >she doesnt know i know >w.e im getting free sex from someone out of my league >f--- on first "date" >we would meet up once or twice a week in hotel for first 5-6 months >start hanging out more outside hotel >went to 3 trips together >start to fall for her even tho i know she could never truly be mine >buys me expensive gifts (gucci, iphone12, cologne) >she admits that she used to be married but got divorced >continue seeing each other >she gets a new apartment in the city >lets me live there rent free for next 3 months >cooks for me, go to sleep & waking up next to her, watching movies with her in bed >tells me shes addicted to me and she cant live without me >fall in love with her even more >she has to go back to her husband apts on the weekends to take care of kid >thought it was ok since she should be seeing her child >one night she starts crying hysterically when she came back >admits she was never legally divorced but had problems in the marriage and was depressed >apologizes for lying & tells me she has to go back to her family for the kids sake >acted indifferent & told her i pretty much knew all along and its probably best for the kid >tells me that she hopes i know that she really loved me >left her apt yesterday >she still texts me that she misses me and loves me
: Anonymous 04/25/21(Sun)20:36:45 No.63378561 >be me. 28 NEET, lost virginity to hookers at 24, never had a gf or a job >meet literal 10/10 milf on dating app that wants to hook up >5 years older than me >way out of my league with 6 salary job >find out shes married and has a 3 y.o kid from her social media 1.4 MB PNG >she doesnt know i know >w.e im getting free sex from someone out of my league >f--- on first "date" >we would meet up once or twice a week in hotel for first 5-6 months >start hanging out more outside hotel >went to 3 trips together >start to fall for her even tho i know she could never truly be mine >buys me expensive gifts (gucci, iphone12, cologne) >she admits that she used to be married but got divorced >continue seeing each other >she gets a new apartment in the city >lets me live there rent free for next 3 months >cooks for me, go to sleep & waking up next to her, watching movies with her in bed >tells me shes addicted to me and she cant live without me >fall in love with her even more >she has to go back to her husband apts on the weekends to take care of kid >thought it was ok since she should be seeing her child >one night she starts crying hysterically when she came back >admits she was never legally divorced but had problems in the marriage and was depressed >apologizes for lying & tells me she has to go back to her family for the kids sake >acted indifferent & told her i pretty much knew all along and its probably best for the kid >tells me that she hopes i know that she really loved me >left her apt yesterday >she still texts me that she misses me and loves me

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Anon turns his life around | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous how i turned my life around 04/25/21(Sun)23:54:40 No.61149495 aight i see some of yoou f------ have a hard time turning your life around so here's a few tips from yours truly >be me >be rich, built like a building, get chicks whenever i want, basically 290 KB PNG have it all >decide to turn my life around >become fat coomer gamer incel who spent all his money on dogecoin and browses reddit and 4chan all day >life changed what's your excuse?
: Anonymous how i turned my life around 04/25/21(Sun)23:54:40 No.61149495 aight i see some of yoou f------ have a hard time turning your life around so here's a few tips from yours truly >be me >be rich, built like a building, get chicks whenever i want, basically 290 KB PNG have it all >decide to turn my life around >become fat coomer gamer incel who spent all his money on dogecoin and browses reddit and 4chan all day >life changed what's your excuse?

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anon finds his old friend | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 780854871 8 min. fa Long time since I've been here, just wanted to share a story. > be me 12 years old > had best friend, we used to do everything together since we were 3 years old > he moves away without telling me > badfeelsman 4,8 kB JPG > look him up on facebook randomly yesterday. He's on facebook. >I message him. > he responds immediately > he was literally looking me up on facebook at the same time for some reason > we both moved out of our old home towns into the same city > we both work in the same industry > in going to meet him tomorrow for a beer. > he just called me and we talked for a half hour on our lunch breaks > turns out were still best friends. > feels good man Hope you guys are having a good day. 2 REPLIES O IMAGES REPLY
Anonymous | 780854871 8 min. fa Long time since I've been here, just wanted to share a story. > be me 12 years old > had best friend, we used to do everything together since we were 3 years old > he moves away without telling me > badfeelsman 4,8 kB JPG > look him up on facebook randomly yesterday. He's on facebook. >I message him. > he responds immediately > he was literally looking me up on facebook at the same time for some reason > we both moved out of our old home towns into the same city > we both work in the same industry > in going to meet him tomorrow for a beer. > he just called me and we talked for a half hour on our lunch breaks > turns out were still best friends. > feels good man Hope you guys are having a good day. 2 REPLIES O IMAGES REPLY

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Anon is a loser | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/25/21(Sun)13:20:17 No.63380097 >teenage sister is shaming me for being a virgin and calls me an incel and a loser the internet was a mistake 126 KB PNG
: Anonymous 04/25/21(Sun)13:20:17 No.63380097 >teenage sister is shaming me for being a virgin and calls me an incel and a loser the internet was a mistake 126 KB PNG

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Anon tries to achieve immortality | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Explain 04/25/21(Sun)08:55:51 No.61138207 >The only way to live longer is to get a low heart rate >The only way to get that is to make your heart beat fast This feels like a joke How does that training to get low 99 KB JPG heart rate not shorten your lifespan There must be some other way to achieve it to LIFEMAXXX : Anonymous 04/25/21(Sun)09:00:23 No.61138256 >>61138207 (OP) # You're not good at science/math are you op? >>61138355 #
: Anonymous Explain 04/25/21(Sun)08:55:51 No.61138207 >The only way to live longer is to get a low heart rate >The only way to get that is to make your heart beat fast This feels like a joke How does that training to get low 99 KB JPG heart rate not shorten your lifespan There must be some other way to achieve it to LIFEMAXXX : Anonymous 04/25/21(Sun)09:00:23 No.61138256 >>61138207 (OP) # You're not good at science/math are you op? >>61138355 #

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Anon hates reddit | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/25/21(Sun)12:43:58 No.852935088 >be me >live a s----- experience >come here to make a GT >some m------------ f----- on reddit steals it and spread throughout that f----- infested site why don't these f--- kill themselves? 75 KB PNG : Anonymous 04/25/21(Sun)12:48:37 No.852935394 >>852935088 (OP) # >calls reddit a f----- infested site >posts on 4chan
: Anonymous 04/25/21(Sun)12:43:58 No.852935088 >be me >live a s----- experience >come here to make a GT >some m------------ f----- on reddit steals it and spread throughout that f----- infested site why don't these f--- kill themselves? 75 KB PNG : Anonymous 04/25/21(Sun)12:48:37 No.852935394 >>852935088 (OP) # >calls reddit a f----- infested site >posts on 4chan

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Anon makes marvel movies. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/25/21(Sun)21:47:00 No.10972479 >Be Me >Make Marvel Movie >Good guys beat the bad guys for the 278th time in a row >Mfw millions of man children consume the Marvel moovie and 33 KB PNG get excited for next Marvel moovie >Repeat until rich
: Anonymous 04/25/21(Sun)21:47:00 No.10972479 >Be Me >Make Marvel Movie >Good guys beat the bad guys for the 278th time in a row >Mfw millions of man children consume the Marvel moovie and 33 KB PNG get excited for next Marvel moovie >Repeat until rich

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Anon has a secret | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/25/21(Sun)14:56:24 No.63377146 >Be t----- >Dating a guy for 10 months and don't tell him I'm trans >l'm his first girlfriend >Already talking about getting married and having 16 KB JPG kids with me >Don't plan to tell him ever Am I a bad person? 30 Replies / 4 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 04/25/21(Sun)14:56:24 No.63377146 >Be t----- >Dating a guy for 10 months and don't tell him I'm trans >l'm his first girlfriend >Already talking about getting married and having 16 KB JPG kids with me >Don't plan to tell him ever Am I a bad person? 30 Replies / 4 Images View Thread

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Anon regrets his decision | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)01:06:43 No.852945614 >be me >12 year old retard >wasn't autistic but was stupid as f--- >for gym every day we had to go outside and run laps on the track outside 8 KB JPG >every day, these two small robins would sit at one corner of the track, get really close to the asphalt, and scream-chirp at anyone who got close >was annoying as f--- >this went on for months >one day, I was absolutely sick of it >started running towards the birds >they started screaming at me >ran directly towards the one closest to the track >directed all the energy in my body to my right leg and kicked the bird with all of my force >completely Messi'd the poor bird >could literally hear the bones cracking as my foot made contact >bird flopped in the air a solid 3 feet before sliding across the asphalt >the second bird flew away immediately >l stared down at the bird's mangled corpse and my bloody shoe >realized what I had done >ran off the track and ignored my teacher screaming at me to come back >went to the bathroom and sobbed and puked on the floor >never saw the second bird again It's been 11 years since that day and it has haunted my life every waking moment. Not a day passes in which I don't think about that poor bird. I have donated $20 out of every paycheck I've gotten to the National Audubon Society (bird charity). I have woken up in pools of my own sweat after having a nightmare about that bird finding me and torturing me. Every day I hope that the second bird isn't rallying an army to find me and do unspeakable things to me
: Anonymous 04/26/21(Mon)01:06:43 No.852945614 >be me >12 year old retard >wasn't autistic but was stupid as f--- >for gym every day we had to go outside and run laps on the track outside 8 KB JPG >every day, these two small robins would sit at one corner of the track, get really close to the asphalt, and scream-chirp at anyone who got close >was annoying as f--- >this went on for months >one day, I was absolutely sick of it >started running towards the birds >they started screaming at me >ran directly towards the one closest to the track >directed all the energy in my body to my right leg and kicked the bird with all of my force >completely Messi'd the poor bird >could literally hear the bones cracking as my foot made contact >bird flopped in the air a solid 3 feet before sliding across the asphalt >the second bird flew away immediately >l stared down at the bird's mangled corpse and my bloody shoe >realized what I had done >ran off the track and ignored my teacher screaming at me to come back >went to the bathroom and sobbed and puked on the floor >never saw the second bird again It's been 11 years since that day and it has haunted my life every waking moment. Not a day passes in which I don't think about that poor bird. I have donated $20 out of every paycheck I've gotten to the National Audubon Society (bird charity). I have woken up in pools of my own sweat after having a nightmare about that bird finding me and torturing me. Every day I hope that the second bird isn't rallying an army to find me and do unspeakable things to me

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Anon is a school shooter | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/21/16(Sun) 19:36:58 No.670088283 I used to regularly use classmates as sentry guns in elementary school. The situation basically went like this each time: > Be me in elementary school, circa 1991 > Go to the bathroom during second recess, shortly after lunch ended > Bide my time in a toilet stall > Wait until a line of 3 or more kids are using the urinals > Target the one that just started peeing, less likely chance he'll stop > Run up behind him, simultaneously knee him in the ass and grab him by the shoulders > Kid can't stop peeing > Can control direction of piss stream by moving his shoulders left and right > Use him as a sentry gun to fire piss at other students > Run away when piss stream begins to weaken
: Anonymous 02/21/16(Sun) 19:36:58 No.670088283 I used to regularly use classmates as sentry guns in elementary school. The situation basically went like this each time: > Be me in elementary school, circa 1991 > Go to the bathroom during second recess, shortly after lunch ended > Bide my time in a toilet stall > Wait until a line of 3 or more kids are using the urinals > Target the one that just started peeing, less likely chance he'll stop > Run up behind him, simultaneously knee him in the ass and grab him by the shoulders > Kid can't stop peeing > Can control direction of piss stream by moving his shoulders left and right > Use him as a sentry gun to fire piss at other students > Run away when piss stream begins to weaken

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Anons thoughts on NATO | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/25/21(Sun)09:46:01 No.10969884 >NATO got rid of this so Germany could have bananas and Nintendo 2.16 MB WEBM : Anonymous 04/25/21(Sun)09:47:35 No.10969891 >Some f--- walking down the street VS >Delicious fruit and bing bing wahoos Yeah l'm thinking NATO was based
: Anonymous 04/25/21(Sun)09:46:01 No.10969884 >NATO got rid of this so Germany could have bananas and Nintendo 2.16 MB WEBM : Anonymous 04/25/21(Sun)09:47:35 No.10969891 >Some f--- walking down the street VS >Delicious fruit and bing bing wahoos Yeah l'm thinking NATO was based

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