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Anon pisses on some tax collectors | /r/Greentext

Board /b/ - Random Settings Mobile Home : Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)23:41:35 No.852431117 >be me >14 years ago >2nd grader on playground >picking my nose >little bitch called ryan sees me >threatens to tell people l'm eating 206 KB JPG boogers >l'm not letting my playground streeet cred be ruined by some d------ > panic and say l'll bribe him for 5 dollars >he says ok, and I say l'll come with the money tommorow >next day >this bitch asks for the money >Say I forgot >this repeats every so often for about 3 weeks >eventaully ryan has had enough of my s--- >its recess >go into bathroom >start pissing at urinal >3 kids come in >turn around >oh s--- oh s--- its ryan >one of these f-------- trys to punch me >l'm still peeing, and give them a golden shower >they still beat the s--- out of me >mfw i got beaten by the playground mafia
Board /b/ - Random Settings Mobile Home : Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)23:41:35 No.852431117 >be me >14 years ago >2nd grader on playground >picking my nose >little bitch called ryan sees me >threatens to tell people l'm eating 206 KB JPG boogers >l'm not letting my playground streeet cred be ruined by some d------ > panic and say l'll bribe him for 5 dollars >he says ok, and I say l'll come with the money tommorow >next day >this bitch asks for the money >Say I forgot >this repeats every so often for about 3 weeks >eventaully ryan has had enough of my s--- >its recess >go into bathroom >start pissing at urinal >3 kids come in >turn around >oh s--- oh s--- its ryan >one of these f-------- trys to punch me >l'm still peeing, and give them a golden shower >they still beat the s--- out of me >mfw i got beaten by the playground mafia

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anon is a veteran doctor | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/24/16(Thu)06: 47:58 No.675573664 I Am Veteran Doctor >Be a new doctor >Very new >Man comes in with pains in the stomach >He said he hasn't ate in 4 days >Don't know what to do >Put leaches on his legs >After 17 jars he looks really pale >Are you a vampire? >"Nay" >That is what a vampire would say.manuscript >He is stabbed with a stake >He dies >l remember that vampires die if stabbed in the heart with wooden stake >He died so he must have been a vampire >King rewards me with 20 silver pieces and a nice hat >l am Doctor
Anonymous 03/24/16(Thu)06: 47:58 No.675573664 I Am Veteran Doctor >Be a new doctor >Very new >Man comes in with pains in the stomach >He said he hasn't ate in 4 days >Don't know what to do >Put leaches on his legs >After 17 jars he looks really pale >Are you a vampire? >"Nay" >That is what a vampire would say.manuscript >He is stabbed with a stake >He dies >l remember that vampires die if stabbed in the heart with wooden stake >He died so he must have been a vampire >King rewards me with 20 silver pieces and a nice hat >l am Doctor

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Anon buys a weighted blanket | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/12/17(Thu)23:00:07 No.40366294 >love having pressure on top of me >buy a weighted blanket so I can have something snug and warm lay on top of me and feel like l'm being hugged 96 KB JPG >do more research >find out weighted blankets are made for autistic kids oh no
: Anonymous 10/12/17(Thu)23:00:07 No.40366294 >love having pressure on top of me >buy a weighted blanket so I can have something snug and warm lay on top of me and feel like l'm being hugged 96 KB JPG >do more research >find out weighted blankets are made for autistic kids oh no

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Anon's first and only experience | /r/Greentext

>>63285419 # Damn it took me a while. Well here we go OP >Be me years ago >17 yo virgin autistic >Managed to find a 6.5/10 20ish years 8 KB PNG old gf >She is somewhat masculine, a tomboy in its primal stage, nymphomaniac always looking for the D >Don't really like her but whatev.png better than nothing >One afternoon we are alone at her house >She has to go to the bathroom, follow her >She pees, gets up without wiping and tells me to lay down on the sofa >Foreshadowing.png >She wants the D and takes off my trousers >She giggles a bit when i show my D, says she sucked on bigger ones >Whatevpart2.btmp >Tells me to put on a condom, i do >She proceeds to blow me >why the condom then >Worstblowjobever.jpg thanks to the condom >C-- after 10 mins >Post nut clarity starts to rise >Her turn >She shoves my face into her rancid distillery >Can hardly breath, WW1 soldiers had it better with mustard gass >Taste is even worse than the smell >Feels like hours have passed >My mouth is basically a bladder with teeth >She gets up to light a c-- >l make up an excuse and gtfo without even rinsing my mouth with water >1 hr bus ride to contemplate what just happened with the taste still present >Mfw years later I am instinctively repulsed by sex because of this experience >Mfw that's the only sexual experience of my life >Mfw i got a boner while writing this
>>63285419 # Damn it took me a while. Well here we go OP >Be me years ago >17 yo virgin autistic >Managed to find a 6.5/10 20ish years 8 KB PNG old gf >She is somewhat masculine, a tomboy in its primal stage, nymphomaniac always looking for the D >Don't really like her but whatev.png better than nothing >One afternoon we are alone at her house >She has to go to the bathroom, follow her >She pees, gets up without wiping and tells me to lay down on the sofa >Foreshadowing.png >She wants the D and takes off my trousers >She giggles a bit when i show my D, says she sucked on bigger ones >Whatevpart2.btmp >Tells me to put on a condom, i do >She proceeds to blow me >why the condom then >Worstblowjobever.jpg thanks to the condom >C-- after 10 mins >Post nut clarity starts to rise >Her turn >She shoves my face into her rancid distillery >Can hardly breath, WW1 soldiers had it better with mustard gass >Taste is even worse than the smell >Feels like hours have passed >My mouth is basically a bladder with teeth >She gets up to light a c-- >l make up an excuse and gtfo without even rinsing my mouth with water >1 hr bus ride to contemplate what just happened with the taste still present >Mfw years later I am instinctively repulsed by sex because of this experience >Mfw that's the only sexual experience of my life >Mfw i got a boner while writing this

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Anon doesn’t like landwhales | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/19/21(Mon)14:12:39 No.852470659 #we are tires CAN'T PROT TOUCH THTSE Untitled.jpg 231 KB JPG > implying anyone would want to touch this
: Anonymous 04/19/21(Mon)14:12:39 No.852470659 #we are tires CAN'T PROT TOUCH THTSE Untitled.jpg 231 KB JPG > implying anyone would want to touch this

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Anon inherits doctor status | /r/Greentext

> be me > mentor recently died, I therefore inherited his status as doctor > 7th century idk > walk past the farms on my way to the castle 149 KB PNG > see a family of peasants waiting for me > male is sick, has a big fleshy orb on his back > *notices buldge* ö>õ what's this? > "please cure my husband, he's become ill" > no clue w-- he has > sure.carvedstone > poke with doctors stick > buldge bursts > whitish cream bursts everywhere > looks like spider blood > smells like spider blood > tastes like spider blood > declare farmer possessed by spider > burned alive at the stake > king pays me godly for preventing spider disease from spreading > feelsgoodman
> be me > mentor recently died, I therefore inherited his status as doctor > 7th century idk > walk past the farms on my way to the castle 149 KB PNG > see a family of peasants waiting for me > male is sick, has a big fleshy orb on his back > *notices buldge* ö>õ what's this? > "please cure my husband, he's become ill" > no clue w-- he has > sure.carvedstone > poke with doctors stick > buldge bursts > whitish cream bursts everywhere > looks like spider blood > smells like spider blood > tastes like spider blood > declare farmer possessed by spider > burned alive at the stake > king pays me godly for preventing spider disease from spreading > feelsgoodman

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Anon gets fits in | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/08/19(Tue)12:30:34 No.789444903 >be me 3 years ago >16 years old >Not many friends. >Feel alone as hell, see everyone partying and s--- and I'm sitting around at home. >Classmate at school talking about going out for a drive with friends. 38 KB JPG >Looks at me >"Hey anon! Your a funny dude, how about you join us" >Heart skips a beat, this is all I have ever wanted. >We go out eat some chipolte, go too Walmart and f--- around there. Buy like 15 king sized kit Kats for s---- n giggles. >Finally they dropped me off at home >I hate home, mom is terrible. >Obvious frown >Friendo looks at me "hey.. we'll see you around anon. You fit right in. >Smiled and nodded >Walked inside room and cried happiness cry.
: Anonymous 01/08/19(Tue)12:30:34 No.789444903 >be me 3 years ago >16 years old >Not many friends. >Feel alone as hell, see everyone partying and s--- and I'm sitting around at home. >Classmate at school talking about going out for a drive with friends. 38 KB JPG >Looks at me >"Hey anon! Your a funny dude, how about you join us" >Heart skips a beat, this is all I have ever wanted. >We go out eat some chipolte, go too Walmart and f--- around there. Buy like 15 king sized kit Kats for s---- n giggles. >Finally they dropped me off at home >I hate home, mom is terrible. >Obvious frown >Friendo looks at me "hey.. we'll see you around anon. You fit right in. >Smiled and nodded >Walked inside room and cried happiness cry.

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Anon frauds as a Chad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Trolling tales? 04/19/21(Mon)16:53:29 No.63285470 >be me >trucel, ugly as f--- >start messing with face app and the face-swapping >idea.jpg >Go to discord server with a bunch of retards who post their face to get "ratings" >Start calling people ugly, they ask to see what I 8 KB JPG look like >send image of me faceswapped with a 10/10 Chad >They don't buy it, I keep insisting that its me >Eventually I offer to send a time stamped pic with my username to confirm it, they say fine >quickly make Chad photo with me holding the time stamp and send it >they are speechless >they start coping and call me a jackass for making fun of them at first >double down on it, call them bitter incels >Eventually after a hilarious half hour of arguing I get banned >mfw
: Anonymous Trolling tales? 04/19/21(Mon)16:53:29 No.63285470 >be me >trucel, ugly as f--- >start messing with face app and the face-swapping >idea.jpg >Go to discord server with a bunch of retards who post their face to get "ratings" >Start calling people ugly, they ask to see what I 8 KB JPG look like >send image of me faceswapped with a 10/10 Chad >They don't buy it, I keep insisting that its me >Eventually I offer to send a time stamped pic with my username to confirm it, they say fine >quickly make Chad photo with me holding the time stamp and send it >they are speechless >they start coping and call me a jackass for making fun of them at first >double down on it, call them bitter incels >Eventually after a hilarious half hour of arguing I get banned >mfw

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OP’s Coworker Thirsty | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/19/21(Mon)12:44:31 No.852461236 >be me 20 >at work >been flirting with 45 y/o milf constantly >she texts me whilst im infront of her in a room of people >"take my bottle, go pee in it, and 39 KB JPG hand it to me > do so > she drinks it in front of everyone whilst making eye contact with me. >h-------- do you believe my story? cos i swear to you this happened today.
: Anonymous 04/19/21(Mon)12:44:31 No.852461236 >be me 20 >at work >been flirting with 45 y/o milf constantly >she texts me whilst im infront of her in a room of people >"take my bottle, go pee in it, and 39 KB JPG hand it to me > do so > she drinks it in front of everyone whilst making eye contact with me. >h-------- do you believe my story? cos i swear to you this happened today.

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Anon discovers marketing tactics | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)00:33:22 No.63265253 > be ceo of bacon megacorporation > want to improve profits > sell "thin-sliced" bacon as cheap alternative to normal bacon > do this for years > start marketing the thin-sliced 50 KB PNG bacon as normal > regular bacon is "thick-cut" > do this for years > other bacon megacorps adopt your strategy > general public accepts thin-sliced bacon as new normal > raise prices > thin-sliced bacon is the price of old normal bacon > old normal bacon is now thick-cut bacon at higher price > profit View Thread
: Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)00:33:22 No.63265253 > be ceo of bacon megacorporation > want to improve profits > sell "thin-sliced" bacon as cheap alternative to normal bacon > do this for years > start marketing the thin-sliced 50 KB PNG bacon as normal > regular bacon is "thick-cut" > do this for years > other bacon megacorps adopt your strategy > general public accepts thin-sliced bacon as new normal > raise prices > thin-sliced bacon is the price of old normal bacon > old normal bacon is now thick-cut bacon at higher price > profit View Thread

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Anon has a younger sister | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous little sister becoming a thot 04/19/21(Mon)21:06:28 No.63286905 >be me >have a 6 year old sister >she's into brazillian funk (sings about f------ women) >she shakes her ass often while listening to it >bitchy attitude >spoiled brat 59 KB PNG >has everything she asks for, not before screaming and shouting at my parents >tells her to stfu >tells on my parents >parents shout at me >she recently discovered tik tok >ffs i don't want my sister to be a thot c---. i f------ hate the c--- youtubers that are influencing her to this. F---. : Anonymous 04/19/21(Mon)21:09:06 No.63286926 >>63286905 (OP) # pics n----
: Anonymous little sister becoming a thot 04/19/21(Mon)21:06:28 No.63286905 >be me >have a 6 year old sister >she's into brazillian funk (sings about f------ women) >she shakes her ass often while listening to it >bitchy attitude >spoiled brat 59 KB PNG >has everything she asks for, not before screaming and shouting at my parents >tells her to stfu >tells on my parents >parents shout at me >she recently discovered tik tok >ffs i don't want my sister to be a thot c---. i f------ hate the c--- youtubers that are influencing her to this. F---. : Anonymous 04/19/21(Mon)21:09:06 No.63286926 >>63286905 (OP) # pics n----

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Anon is beautiful | /r/Greentext

File: 1616836179394.jpg (143 KB, 1200x1200) Anonymous 04/16/21(Fri)23:10:15 No.852240561 > >>852240644 >>852240723 >>852240780 >>852240943 >>852241375 >>852241514 >>852241600 >>852241784 >>852241842 >>852241929 >>852242139 >>852242263 >>852242311 >>852242638 >>852242775 >>852242891 >>852243091 Am I ugly? Anonymous 04/16/21(Fri)23:11:29 No.852240623 ► No. You're far worse than ugly >> O Anonymous 04/16/21(Fri)23:11:48 No.852240644 >>852242948 File: tictactoe.png (1.7 MB, 1200x1200) >>852240561 (OP). your turn
File: 1616836179394.jpg (143 KB, 1200x1200) Anonymous 04/16/21(Fri)23:10:15 No.852240561 > >>852240644 >>852240723 >>852240780 >>852240943 >>852241375 >>852241514 >>852241600 >>852241784 >>852241842 >>852241929 >>852242139 >>852242263 >>852242311 >>852242638 >>852242775 >>852242891 >>852243091 Am I ugly? Anonymous 04/16/21(Fri)23:11:29 No.852240623 ► No. You're far worse than ugly >> O Anonymous 04/16/21(Fri)23:11:48 No.852240644 >>852242948 File: tictactoe.png (1.7 MB, 1200x1200) >>852240561 (OP). your turn

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I know it's a repost but it's one of my favorites and I haven't seen it on here in a while so I figured I'd post | /r/Greentext

>>35574459 # reminds me >get wisdom teeth removed >go home high as s--- >get on the computer >go to youtube >really want to listen to Led Zeppelin (I don't even listen to them regularly) >keep typing in Led Zeppelin but nothing Led Zeppelin-related is coming up >get mad >go to bed >sleep for like 12 hours. >wake up >go to delete my browsing history like I usually do >"loop zoop" searched on youtube ~25 times >l thought I was typing in "Led Zeppelin"
>>35574459 # reminds me >get wisdom teeth removed >go home high as s--- >get on the computer >go to youtube >really want to listen to Led Zeppelin (I don't even listen to them regularly) >keep typing in Led Zeppelin but nothing Led Zeppelin-related is coming up >get mad >go to bed >sleep for like 12 hours. >wake up >go to delete my browsing history like I usually do >"loop zoop" searched on youtube ~25 times >l thought I was typing in "Led Zeppelin"

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Anon loves turkey sandwiches | /r/Greentext

1h (4/19 18:58) · 63285728 11 Re · 1 Img · JPG 373KB · (1079 × 1038) 2 Replies My 25 turkey sandwich 火鸡三明治 H srg >be me >Job in China as a foreigner >try to learn the language but pronunciation is tough >saying ching chong can only get me so far >want a turkey sandwich for lunch every day >go to a tattoo parlor and tat that bad boy >every time I go to a restaurant I just flex my arms at the hot Chinese waitresses >works every time boys
1h (4/19 18:58) · 63285728 11 Re · 1 Img · JPG 373KB · (1079 × 1038) 2 Replies My 25 turkey sandwich 火鸡三明治 H srg >be me >Job in China as a foreigner >try to learn the language but pronunciation is tough >saying ching chong can only get me so far >want a turkey sandwich for lunch every day >go to a tattoo parlor and tat that bad boy >every time I go to a restaurant I just flex my arms at the hot Chinese waitresses >works every time boys

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Anon was bored | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/19/21(Mon)17:49:54 No.852444675 >be me >bored asf >lightbulb.jpg >make fake feminist pages on ig and tiktok >make a post saying "men are planning "national r--- day tomorrow" 63 KB JPG >get tons of likes and shares >other pages start posting about it too >kek >does it again but say its on april 24th >get even more likes >phone is blowing up from people tagging their friends on my post how dumber can women be? at this point, they'll just believe anything these pages post. guess its time to send them back to the kitchen should i start another rumor for pride month to scare the f------ and trannies?
: Anonymous 04/19/21(Mon)17:49:54 No.852444675 >be me >bored asf >lightbulb.jpg >make fake feminist pages on ig and tiktok >make a post saying "men are planning "national r--- day tomorrow" 63 KB JPG >get tons of likes and shares >other pages start posting about it too >kek >does it again but say its on april 24th >get even more likes >phone is blowing up from people tagging their friends on my post how dumber can women be? at this point, they'll just believe anything these pages post. guess its time to send them back to the kitchen should i start another rumor for pride month to scare the f------ and trannies?

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Anon looks inward for happiness | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/19/21(Mon)08:20:17 No.852447592 >be me >sad about small d--- >buy clone a willy >make my c--- into a dildo >suck my own cockdildo >w--.jpg >this s--- feels huge in my mouth 7 KB JPG >i no longer feel sad about my d--- >i appreciate my c--- now >thanks clone a willy
: Anonymous 04/19/21(Mon)08:20:17 No.852447592 >be me >sad about small d--- >buy clone a willy >make my c--- into a dildo >suck my own cockdildo >w--.jpg >this s--- feels huge in my mouth 7 KB JPG >i no longer feel sad about my d--- >i appreciate my c--- now >thanks clone a willy

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Grog is gay | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/19/18(Sun)13:04:08 No.7041203 >cave painting girl will be never real it not fair 3 KB PNG 2 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 08/19/18(Sun)13:06:23 No.7041213 grog is f-- >>7041222 # : Anonymous 08/19/18(Sun)13:07:53 No.7041222 >>7041213 # grog not!
: Anonymous 08/19/18(Sun)13:04:08 No.7041203 >cave painting girl will be never real it not fair 3 KB PNG 2 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 08/19/18(Sun)13:06:23 No.7041213 grog is f-- >>7041222 # : Anonymous 08/19/18(Sun)13:07:53 No.7041222 >>7041213 # grog not!

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anon isn't having fun | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/31/21(Wed)04:33:16 No.62992511 >be me >be 12 >playing minecraft >the software my mom and dad put on the computer is going to kick me off in 30 minutes 258 KB PNG >mom and dad are fighting >the timer is running out >they're still fighting >l'm not having any fun >l need to have fun now I'm running out of time >mom and dad are still fighting >I need to have fun NOW BEFORE IT RUNS OUT OF TIME >10 MINUTES LEFT ON THE TIMER >MOM AND DAD ARE STILL FIGHTING >5 MINUTES LEFT >l'M NOT DONE YET I DIDNT HAVE ANY FUN TODAY >l'M NOT READY TO GET OFF >MOM AND DAD ARE STILL FIGHTING >THE TIMER FINISHES >IT KICKS ME OUT OF MY ACCOUNT >I DONT KNOW THE ADMIN PASSWORD >MOM AND DAD ARE STILL FIGHTING >sit in room alone >i can hear mom and dad fighting upstairs >cry because I'm not allowed more time on the computer >tomorrow is Monday >I can't play computer on school days >mom and dad are still fighting >cry
: Anonymous 03/31/21(Wed)04:33:16 No.62992511 >be me >be 12 >playing minecraft >the software my mom and dad put on the computer is going to kick me off in 30 minutes 258 KB PNG >mom and dad are fighting >the timer is running out >they're still fighting >l'm not having any fun >l need to have fun now I'm running out of time >mom and dad are still fighting >I need to have fun NOW BEFORE IT RUNS OUT OF TIME >10 MINUTES LEFT ON THE TIMER >MOM AND DAD ARE STILL FIGHTING >5 MINUTES LEFT >l'M NOT DONE YET I DIDNT HAVE ANY FUN TODAY >l'M NOT READY TO GET OFF >MOM AND DAD ARE STILL FIGHTING >THE TIMER FINISHES >IT KICKS ME OUT OF MY ACCOUNT >I DONT KNOW THE ADMIN PASSWORD >MOM AND DAD ARE STILL FIGHTING >sit in room alone >i can hear mom and dad fighting upstairs >cry because I'm not allowed more time on the computer >tomorrow is Monday >I can't play computer on school days >mom and dad are still fighting >cry

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Femanon has autism | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/19/21(Mon)13:33:01 No.852440529 /RFI I've never done one of these so don't get mad if I mess something up please neets >be me 49 KB JPG >18 year old girl (not posting t--- and not gtfo'ing) >prefers hanging out with boys but not enough to become a tomboy out of fear of dad thinking l'm a weirdo >hang out with boys because they are cooler >hang out with 1 boy more so than the other boys >develop feelings for him >he thinks I like him, which I do, so he asks me out and I say no out of fear of messing something up >he asks me why I hang out with him if I don't wanna date him >lie that I'm a lesbian for whatever f------ reason >he believes me >he starts looking at other girls >anger and jealously.jpg >feel like s--- >too scared to tell him that l actually lied to him what do I do
: Anonymous 04/19/21(Mon)13:33:01 No.852440529 /RFI I've never done one of these so don't get mad if I mess something up please neets >be me 49 KB JPG >18 year old girl (not posting t--- and not gtfo'ing) >prefers hanging out with boys but not enough to become a tomboy out of fear of dad thinking l'm a weirdo >hang out with boys because they are cooler >hang out with 1 boy more so than the other boys >develop feelings for him >he thinks I like him, which I do, so he asks me out and I say no out of fear of messing something up >he asks me why I hang out with him if I don't wanna date him >lie that I'm a lesbian for whatever f------ reason >he believes me >he starts looking at other girls >anger and jealously.jpg >feel like s--- >too scared to tell him that l actually lied to him what do I do

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Anon goes to university | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)02:42:47 No.63268482 >go to university >expect a Plato's Academy experience with the country's top intellectual minds >first day >"okay everyone get into circles and introduce yourselves" 161 KB JPG >huh >"I'm your professor and friend and I go by she/he pronouns" >what >"tonight's assignment will be to write a response to this material I wrote" >why >buy $1000 worth of professor's s--- >professor doesn't actually read your responses >disagree with professor's opinion >get low participation grade >start agreeing >get a higher grade >entire school puts minimum effort into everything >cheating rampant >rona hits >go into $50k debt for zoom streams
: Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)02:42:47 No.63268482 >go to university >expect a Plato's Academy experience with the country's top intellectual minds >first day >"okay everyone get into circles and introduce yourselves" 161 KB JPG >huh >"I'm your professor and friend and I go by she/he pronouns" >what >"tonight's assignment will be to write a response to this material I wrote" >why >buy $1000 worth of professor's s--- >professor doesn't actually read your responses >disagree with professor's opinion >get low participation grade >start agreeing >get a higher grade >entire school puts minimum effort into everything >cheating rampant >rona hits >go into $50k debt for zoom streams

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