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anon is a trickster | /r/Greentext

trolling stories ill start >be me >bored as f--- >idea.png >start a rumor that kim jong 131 KB PNG un died on some s------- Korean forum >they believe it >news outlet picks up on it and reports it to the masses >f--- believe it >everyone convinced kim jong un is dead >CNN does a story on it >kim cuts a ribbon at random place and confirms hes alive >mfw when everyone realizes theyve been played and CNN looks retarded for reporting fake news
trolling stories ill start >be me >bored as f--- >idea.png >start a rumor that kim jong 131 KB PNG un died on some s------- Korean forum >they believe it >news outlet picks up on it and reports it to the masses >f--- believe it >everyone convinced kim jong un is dead >CNN does a story on it >kim cuts a ribbon at random place and confirms hes alive >mfw when everyone realizes theyve been played and CNN looks retarded for reporting fake news

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Anon doesn’t like fat girls | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)13:24:13 No.851614975 >be me >23 >been f------ this fat blonde because covid has made me desperate >she has started to introduce me to people as her boyfriend 223 KB JPG Is it time to break up? I'm so busy with work and all places are closed, so breaking up probably means I won't be able to find p---- for a while : Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)13:25:29 No.851615045 cute fat girls are the best. stop being such a f-----
: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)13:24:13 No.851614975 >be me >23 >been f------ this fat blonde because covid has made me desperate >she has started to introduce me to people as her boyfriend 223 KB JPG Is it time to break up? I'm so busy with work and all places are closed, so breaking up probably means I won't be able to find p---- for a while : Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)13:25:29 No.851615045 cute fat girls are the best. stop being such a f-----

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Red pill, blue pill, new pill | /r/Greentext

Ir9k/ Anonymous mom found out my peepee proble(...) 04/08/21(Thu)22:31:41 No.63121036 >be me >very nervous >crippling anxiety makes it impossible to keep an erection infront of a woman >go to the psychiatrist >she gives me tadalafil pills (just 9 KB JPG better viagra) >save them >forget where i saved them >look around for an hour, no clue where they are >think mom saved them >ask mom where did she put the "orange pills" >"what are those orange pills for anon"? >"I.. Uh... I uh uhm have you seen them or not?" >"ANON WHAT ARE THOSE PILLS FOR" >Almost crying from shame, say the truth >"... So have you seen them?" >"No" >Give it one more shot before giving up >look under my bed >The pills are there I just. I can't. Maybe I shouldn't be able to reproduce, being this retarded
Ir9k/ Anonymous mom found out my peepee proble(...) 04/08/21(Thu)22:31:41 No.63121036 >be me >very nervous >crippling anxiety makes it impossible to keep an erection infront of a woman >go to the psychiatrist >she gives me tadalafil pills (just 9 KB JPG better viagra) >save them >forget where i saved them >look around for an hour, no clue where they are >think mom saved them >ask mom where did she put the "orange pills" >"what are those orange pills for anon"? >"I.. Uh... I uh uhm have you seen them or not?" >"ANON WHAT ARE THOSE PILLS FOR" >Almost crying from shame, say the truth >"... So have you seen them?" >"No" >Give it one more shot before giving up >look under my bed >The pills are there I just. I can't. Maybe I shouldn't be able to reproduce, being this retarded

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Anon watches Goodfellas | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)16:46:05 No.851616239 >Be me >Live in Florida >Not many people in my county have southern accents, but I do >girls seemed to really like it for some reason 150 KB JPG Then one day I decide to watch Goodfellas >really like it because I'm Italian (last name Fiorentino) and think being Italian is cool >Start repeating funny lines from the movie in a New York accent >It becomes my favorite movie >start watching other mob movies like Casino (sucked), Irishman (great story and movie but really long), Godfather part 2 (best in the trilogy by far), etc >start modeling my personality around these people >lose my accent >accidentally slip in to a New York accent at random times >begin wearing Hawaiian shirts and cargo shorts >begin smoking cigars >talk in a New York accent al the time >go from 180lbs to 250 eating so much chicken parm and pinwheels >girls no longer interested in me Why do I do this to myself /b/? Is there any way to go back to normal?
: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)16:46:05 No.851616239 >Be me >Live in Florida >Not many people in my county have southern accents, but I do >girls seemed to really like it for some reason 150 KB JPG Then one day I decide to watch Goodfellas >really like it because I'm Italian (last name Fiorentino) and think being Italian is cool >Start repeating funny lines from the movie in a New York accent >It becomes my favorite movie >start watching other mob movies like Casino (sucked), Irishman (great story and movie but really long), Godfather part 2 (best in the trilogy by far), etc >start modeling my personality around these people >lose my accent >accidentally slip in to a New York accent at random times >begin wearing Hawaiian shirts and cargo shorts >begin smoking cigars >talk in a New York accent al the time >go from 180lbs to 250 eating so much chicken parm and pinwheels >girls no longer interested in me Why do I do this to myself /b/? Is there any way to go back to normal?

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Anon meows. | /r/Greentext

11/01/18(Thu)22:46:02 No.783841039 女 BOOPA B6FOED22-1851-4A0C-921E-FFF2E8DBC242.png 238 KB PNG >walking down sidewalk >cat in neighbors window >meow at it >it meows back >12:45 AM >still happy about it How was your day anons
11/01/18(Thu)22:46:02 No.783841039 女 BOOPA B6FOED22-1851-4A0C-921E-FFF2E8DBC242.png 238 KB PNG >walking down sidewalk >cat in neighbors window >meow at it >it meows back >12:45 AM >still happy about it How was your day anons

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/r9k/ fights back | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)10:58:10 No.63111457 >an army of anons with GIRLFRIENDS and fulfilling LIVES are invading the /r9k/ fort! Quick anon, to the walls! Whats your class & special skill? 808 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)15:23:41 No.63113619 >>63111457 (OP) # >Class: Level 94 Virgin >Skill: "Femanon here" illusion spell 254 KB PNG : Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)15:25:20 No.63113635 >class: bard >skill: be useless : Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)16:54:03 No.63114676 class: worthless male >skill: I can be very stubborn in the face of adversity even though im useless and have no chance of being successful 171 KB JPG
: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)10:58:10 No.63111457 >an army of anons with GIRLFRIENDS and fulfilling LIVES are invading the /r9k/ fort! Quick anon, to the walls! Whats your class & special skill? 808 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)15:23:41 No.63113619 >>63111457 (OP) # >Class: Level 94 Virgin >Skill: "Femanon here" illusion spell 254 KB PNG : Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)15:25:20 No.63113635 >class: bard >skill: be useless : Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)16:54:03 No.63114676 class: worthless male >skill: I can be very stubborn in the face of adversity even though im useless and have no chance of being successful 171 KB JPG

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Anon is getting old | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)20:17:18 No.63117302 >read article on news with statistics 1990 was 67 >your age group no longer is the youngest listed years ago. 55 KB PNG
: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)20:17:18 No.63117302 >read article on news with statistics 1990 was 67 >your age group no longer is the youngest listed years ago. 55 KB PNG

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Hook and ladder | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)10:39:58 No.63114509 File: 2153sm.jpg (56 KB, 500x500) WORK NIGHT SHIFT >On tinder >Girl has "don't waste my time" in her bio >Think its code for escort because she matched with me >Meet up for coffee, start talking hiking >Odd she wants to hike with a client, probably getting a feel for it >Really like her, wonder if its some tactic >Back at my place try to ask price EXCUSE NOT TO ANSWER PHONE EVER >She finally gets what im trying to say >I try to back peddle because in my single mindedness I thought she just wanted money >She gets angry and leaves with tears in her eyes Most successful date ever and its because I thought she was a w----
O Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)10:39:58 No.63114509 File: 2153sm.jpg (56 KB, 500x500) WORK NIGHT SHIFT >On tinder >Girl has "don't waste my time" in her bio >Think its code for escort because she matched with me >Meet up for coffee, start talking hiking >Odd she wants to hike with a client, probably getting a feel for it >Really like her, wonder if its some tactic >Back at my place try to ask price EXCUSE NOT TO ANSWER PHONE EVER >She finally gets what im trying to say >I try to back peddle because in my single mindedness I thought she just wanted money >She gets angry and leaves with tears in her eyes Most successful date ever and its because I thought she was a w----

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Anon likes chicken | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Chicken man 04/08/21(Thu)23:57:52 No.63119648 >be me >main chicken related villain of popular tv show Breaking Bad >discover 4chan >never done this, but decide to write a funny greentext >anon gus 1.36 MB JPG
: Anonymous Chicken man 04/08/21(Thu)23:57:52 No.63119648 >be me >main chicken related villain of popular tv show Breaking Bad >discover 4chan >never done this, but decide to write a funny greentext >anon gus 1.36 MB JPG

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Anons autism kills doge | /r/Greentext

>>851607858 (OP) # >be me >huge autist >rode on my dog's back as a kid >not too hard so i don't kill him >felt like a cowboy 8 KB JPG >10 years later >he's old >he's arthritis ridden >his hind legs don't work anymore >he falls down all the time >mfw it's basically my fault >mfw my parents decide to put him down >another 10 years later >post about it on this dumbass board >first time I've told anyone >mfw basically murdered my dog and no one knows >851608722 # >>851610240 # >>851610720 # >>851611547 # >851612244 # >>851614401 # >>851615602 # >>851617265 # E Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)20:49:36 No.8516087: >>851608516 # >10 years later F------ retard, he was just an old dog. Stop being so f------ retarded, dogs having issues with joints is common as f---, especially in older dogs. Now f--- off back to highschool
>>851607858 (OP) # >be me >huge autist >rode on my dog's back as a kid >not too hard so i don't kill him >felt like a cowboy 8 KB JPG >10 years later >he's old >he's arthritis ridden >his hind legs don't work anymore >he falls down all the time >mfw it's basically my fault >mfw my parents decide to put him down >another 10 years later >post about it on this dumbass board >first time I've told anyone >mfw basically murdered my dog and no one knows >851608722 # >>851610240 # >>851610720 # >>851611547 # >851612244 # >>851614401 # >>851615602 # >>851617265 # E Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)20:49:36 No.8516087: >>851608516 # >10 years later F------ retard, he was just an old dog. Stop being so f------ retarded, dogs having issues with joints is common as f---, especially in older dogs. Now f--- off back to highschool

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Anon said 4 words | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)13:29:47 No.851603028 f--- reddit dude >read greentext about anon ® < O shoving and electric toothbrush up his ass and pretending its a period > comment "anon is a t-----" >get banned for 3 days Emitate Eurosport o Cristiano Ronaldo 'admits he's fed up with nig... 539 KB PNG 3 f------ words meanwhile i see actual f------ pedophiles admiting to it and jackshit happens but i say 3 f------ words and get banned
: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)13:29:47 No.851603028 f--- reddit dude >read greentext about anon ® < O shoving and electric toothbrush up his ass and pretending its a period > comment "anon is a t-----" >get banned for 3 days Emitate Eurosport o Cristiano Ronaldo 'admits he's fed up with nig... 539 KB PNG 3 f------ words meanwhile i see actual f------ pedophiles admiting to it and jackshit happens but i say 3 f------ words and get banned

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If you're a retard, just unretard. | /r/Greentext


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Anon has a good job | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/11/20(Sun)17:09:22 No.60423731 >my job is taking care of retards >this one retard is pretty chill >told by other staff he's aggressive but ive never seen it >big issue we're working on with him is hygiene and not making messes >tard eats an apple whole and machine gun fires seeds all over the living room 4 KB JPG >calmly tell him "Remember what we said about appropriate behavior man? Let's not make a mess of apple seeds okay buddy?" >he stares at me for a good 5 seconds then punches himself hard as f--- at his head >tard f------ sucker punched himself >tell him to not do that >punches himself in the skull again >we're told to not get physical with the tards unless they present a threat to others >now whenever he sees me he socks himself in the head >get paid 10/hr for this
: Anonymous 10/11/20(Sun)17:09:22 No.60423731 >my job is taking care of retards >this one retard is pretty chill >told by other staff he's aggressive but ive never seen it >big issue we're working on with him is hygiene and not making messes >tard eats an apple whole and machine gun fires seeds all over the living room 4 KB JPG >calmly tell him "Remember what we said about appropriate behavior man? Let's not make a mess of apple seeds okay buddy?" >he stares at me for a good 5 seconds then punches himself hard as f--- at his head >tard f------ sucker punched himself >tell him to not do that >punches himself in the skull again >we're told to not get physical with the tards unless they present a threat to others >now whenever he sees me he socks himself in the head >get paid 10/hr for this

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Anon thinks there's a bomb | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/07/21(Wed)16:36:25 No.12941847 >>12939454 (OP) # >be uberfag sleeper >go to mathematics class with all the brainlets >"today we will begin the topology chapter" 64 KB JPG >all this trivial s--- about topological spaces >o s--- time for a nap >oh well 20 minutes is nothing >wake up >it's now all about 2,3-16 nondeterministic multivalued infinite dimensional smooth complex manifolds >oh_shit.jpg >try to take notes >what the f--- are these drawings supposed to depict? >what is a P° (C*)-monoid? >class ends >teacher says "don't forget the complex P vs NP assignment I gave you 15 minutes ago while this little bastard was sleeping" >everyone laughs at me and tells me I missed so much I'm literally f----- up >tfw fell for the ubermeme
: Anonymous 04/07/21(Wed)16:36:25 No.12941847 >>12939454 (OP) # >be uberfag sleeper >go to mathematics class with all the brainlets >"today we will begin the topology chapter" 64 KB JPG >all this trivial s--- about topological spaces >o s--- time for a nap >oh well 20 minutes is nothing >wake up >it's now all about 2,3-16 nondeterministic multivalued infinite dimensional smooth complex manifolds >oh_shit.jpg >try to take notes >what the f--- are these drawings supposed to depict? >what is a P° (C*)-monoid? >class ends >teacher says "don't forget the complex P vs NP assignment I gave you 15 minutes ago while this little bastard was sleeping" >everyone laughs at me and tells me I missed so much I'm literally f----- up >tfw fell for the ubermeme

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Anon is a colonizer | /r/Greentext

File: Help me l'm s alone.jpg (171 KB, 1200x1200) O Anonymous 07/05/18(Thu)00:49:06 No.773407002 I find myself in an unfortunate situation, /b/. >Be white guy in college >Join board games club >Playing Risk with Native American guy >He controls North America >l invade, conquer and kill all the units he has there >He says 'f------ typical' and walks away from the game History repeats itself, /bl.
File: Help me l'm s alone.jpg (171 KB, 1200x1200) O Anonymous 07/05/18(Thu)00:49:06 No.773407002 I find myself in an unfortunate situation, /b/. >Be white guy in college >Join board games club >Playing Risk with Native American guy >He controls North America >l invade, conquer and kill all the units he has there >He says 'f------ typical' and walks away from the game History repeats itself, /bl.

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Anon doesn't like trannies | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)18:24:56 No.63115736 Post stories of when you said things you really shouldn't have in that situation >be me in discord voice call with some pals >majority of the server is left-leaning to some degree 70 KB PNG >one 16 y/o neurodivergent (aka autistic) transmasc (goes by he/him) fellow >the topic somehow gets to the use of the r slur (RETARD) >the tran doesn't like it, talks about how they almost get panic attacks when they get called it >I spit out "Well if you want to be a boy so bad why don't you man the f--- up and take it" >call goes f------ silent for a solid 30 seconds, you can audibly tell the tran is starting to get distressed a bit >whoops I got kicked View Thread
: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)18:24:56 No.63115736 Post stories of when you said things you really shouldn't have in that situation >be me in discord voice call with some pals >majority of the server is left-leaning to some degree 70 KB PNG >one 16 y/o neurodivergent (aka autistic) transmasc (goes by he/him) fellow >the topic somehow gets to the use of the r slur (RETARD) >the tran doesn't like it, talks about how they almost get panic attacks when they get called it >I spit out "Well if you want to be a boy so bad why don't you man the f--- up and take it" >call goes f------ silent for a solid 30 seconds, you can audibly tell the tran is starting to get distressed a bit >whoops I got kicked View Thread

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Anon doesn‘t plan ahead | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)14:36:35 No.63113170 >Finish taking a shower >Take a giant s--- right afterwards 235 KB JPG
: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)14:36:35 No.63113170 >Finish taking a shower >Take a giant s--- right afterwards 235 KB JPG

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Anon likes mornings. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Optimistic /bots/ 05/14/18(Mon)05:43:07 No.45385219 > Wake up at 5:30am >Kinda early but I'm hungry >lt's chilly and dark outside >l wash my face and go to the kitchen wen day is dark alway rember happy day >I toast some bread and spread butter with strawberry jam 261 KB PNG >I like strawberry jam >Brew a cup of coffee >I like the smell of a fresh brewed cup >l go back to my room and open the window >The sounds of birds and the leaves are waving from the wind >A chilly wind cools me and I sit and sip from my cup >Eat toast >Just enjoy the sunrise and weather >Deeply breathe the fresh cold weather >Today is a good day >Stay optimistic /bots/ >l just like mornings
: Anonymous Optimistic /bots/ 05/14/18(Mon)05:43:07 No.45385219 > Wake up at 5:30am >Kinda early but I'm hungry >lt's chilly and dark outside >l wash my face and go to the kitchen wen day is dark alway rember happy day >I toast some bread and spread butter with strawberry jam 261 KB PNG >I like strawberry jam >Brew a cup of coffee >I like the smell of a fresh brewed cup >l go back to my room and open the window >The sounds of birds and the leaves are waving from the wind >A chilly wind cools me and I sit and sip from my cup >Eat toast >Just enjoy the sunrise and weather >Deeply breathe the fresh cold weather >Today is a good day >Stay optimistic /bots/ >l just like mornings

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Anon lacks self control | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/05/21(Mon)19:03:43 No.63066265 >Wake up. >Decide to have some cheesecake after breakfast. >End up eating the entire thing. It's not fair they should not be allowed to sell entire cheesecakes 61 KB JPG they know people will do this. 4 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 04/05/21(Mon)19:08:55 No.63066310 >>63066265 (OP) # Don't buy cheesecake in the first place fatty. >>63066349 # : Anonymous 04/05/21(Mon)19:09:38 No.63066320 >>63066265 (OP) # need tummy rubs?
: Anonymous 04/05/21(Mon)19:03:43 No.63066265 >Wake up. >Decide to have some cheesecake after breakfast. >End up eating the entire thing. It's not fair they should not be allowed to sell entire cheesecakes 61 KB JPG they know people will do this. 4 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 04/05/21(Mon)19:08:55 No.63066310 >>63066265 (OP) # Don't buy cheesecake in the first place fatty. >>63066349 # : Anonymous 04/05/21(Mon)19:09:38 No.63066320 >>63066265 (OP) # need tummy rubs?

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Anon acts like a boomer | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous times you were based 04/08/21(Thu)06:00:38 No.63108824 >minding my own business at home on a Tuesday >hear noise outside >look out the window >some high schoolers making a ruckus on the sidewalk in front of 170 KB PNG my lawn when they should be at school >open window >YOU DAMN KIDS BETTER GET BACK TO CLASS AND GET OFF MY LAWN >they curse me and flip me off but leave anyways
: Anonymous times you were based 04/08/21(Thu)06:00:38 No.63108824 >minding my own business at home on a Tuesday >hear noise outside >look out the window >some high schoolers making a ruckus on the sidewalk in front of 170 KB PNG my lawn when they should be at school >open window >YOU DAMN KIDS BETTER GET BACK TO CLASS AND GET OFF MY LAWN >they curse me and flip me off but leave anyways

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