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Anon makes a fatal error | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/15/18(Thu)14:55:01 No.784922768 how bad have i f----- up /b/ >be me >pathetic only have sex once four years ago > have this cousin whos 19 but shes got developmental problems >not a tard just off enough that you realize shes not quite normal after talking to her for a few minutes 29 KB JPG > she likes to tease me > been doing it since we were kids > things like grabbing me through my pants and rubbing her butt on my lap until i got hard then runs away because she genuinely thinks it funny > im sexually frustrated and very drunk > she starts doing it > warn her, half jokingly, that if she doesnt stop im going to do something > she laughs > gets me hard and runs off >i cant handle it anymore something snaps >i chase her down and tackle her in the hallway > shes not laughing anymore but my pants are already on the floor >i dont even remember thinking or how i let myself go this far but suddenly im f------ her > her panties around her thighs and shes telling me to stop but i cant, > im just f------ the s--- out of my cousin and it feels amazing, better then i realized it would > i finish and and look over >mfw i realize the new carpet i just paid for doesnt even match my baseboard how bad did i f--- up?
: Anonymous 11/15/18(Thu)14:55:01 No.784922768 how bad have i f----- up /b/ >be me >pathetic only have sex once four years ago > have this cousin whos 19 but shes got developmental problems >not a tard just off enough that you realize shes not quite normal after talking to her for a few minutes 29 KB JPG > she likes to tease me > been doing it since we were kids > things like grabbing me through my pants and rubbing her butt on my lap until i got hard then runs away because she genuinely thinks it funny > im sexually frustrated and very drunk > she starts doing it > warn her, half jokingly, that if she doesnt stop im going to do something > she laughs > gets me hard and runs off >i cant handle it anymore something snaps >i chase her down and tackle her in the hallway > shes not laughing anymore but my pants are already on the floor >i dont even remember thinking or how i let myself go this far but suddenly im f------ her > her panties around her thighs and shes telling me to stop but i cant, > im just f------ the s--- out of my cousin and it feels amazing, better then i realized it would > i finish and and look over >mfw i realize the new carpet i just paid for doesnt even match my baseboard how bad did i f--- up?

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Anon ruins Nintendo | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/14/20(Thu)15:56:14 No.507945510 >pirate game >company loses $60 >delete game >company receives back $60 >pirate game 1 million times >company loses $60M and declares bankrupcy >buy company for a few dollars 36 KB JPG and become CEO >delete all the pirated copies >$60M deposited in my account >suddenly CEO of my own game company with millions to make my dream game
: Anonymous 05/14/20(Thu)15:56:14 No.507945510 >pirate game >company loses $60 >delete game >company receives back $60 >pirate game 1 million times >company loses $60M and declares bankrupcy >buy company for a few dollars 36 KB JPG and become CEO >delete all the pirated copies >$60M deposited in my account >suddenly CEO of my own game company with millions to make my dream game

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Anon plays Minecraft | /r/Greentext

1555880593751.jpg| 77 KB JPG >>52470860 (OP) # >be me >mad >play minecraft >not mad anymore Thanks minecraft
1555880593751.jpg| 77 KB JPG >>52470860 (OP) # >be me >mad >play minecraft >not mad anymore Thanks minecraft

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Anon is a fish | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)18:59:15 No.84751 >be me >fish ><> 26 KB JPG
: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)18:59:15 No.84751 >be me >fish ><> 26 KB JPG

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Anon has phimosis | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/25/21(Thu)01:12:44 No.62476206 >have phimosis >have sex >girl tells me my penis is gross and that I need to get cut >ignore her, surely not all girls think like that 308 KB JPG >fast forward 5 years, every girl i've been with told me the same, this is beginning to negatively impact my sex life >decide to get cut >get home after the surgery >remove the bandages, finally get a look at what was under the foreskin >i have pearly papules and weird black spots that look like burn marks all over the glans, my d--- is now 100x uglier Epic...
: Anonymous 02/25/21(Thu)01:12:44 No.62476206 >have phimosis >have sex >girl tells me my penis is gross and that I need to get cut >ignore her, surely not all girls think like that 308 KB JPG >fast forward 5 years, every girl i've been with told me the same, this is beginning to negatively impact my sex life >decide to get cut >get home after the surgery >remove the bandages, finally get a look at what was under the foreskin >i have pearly papules and weird black spots that look like burn marks all over the glans, my d--- is now 100x uglier Epic...

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Anon is a good parent | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 02/24/21(Wed)10:35:20 No.848180265► File: 9BE8F938-F9E2-44D5-B911-5(.).jpg (41 KB, 624x589 >>848179582 (OP) >my child is throwing a tantrum >l gave them their way and enable them >no more tantrum >BEST PARENT EVER
O Anonymous 02/24/21(Wed)10:35:20 No.848180265► File: 9BE8F938-F9E2-44D5-B911-5(.).jpg (41 KB, 624x589 >>848179582 (OP) >my child is throwing a tantrum >l gave them their way and enable them >no more tantrum >BEST PARENT EVER

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Anon rejects capitalism | /r/Greentext

File: B9549E97-B7CD-4C87-8B4F-A(...).jpg (36 KB, 600x600) Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)18:21:40 No.10518835 [Reply] >>10519542 >study history >realize true democracy has never been tried >police are just blunt weapons of the state and were subservient to many atrocities >landlordism is as bad as serfdom was >CIA snuffed out all grassroots communist movements and led to poverty in those countries and many deaths >become direct democratic communist Am I the only one?
File: B9549E97-B7CD-4C87-8B4F-A(...).jpg (36 KB, 600x600) Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)18:21:40 No.10518835 [Reply] >>10519542 >study history >realize true democracy has never been tried >police are just blunt weapons of the state and were subservient to many atrocities >landlordism is as bad as serfdom was >CIA snuffed out all grassroots communist movements and led to poverty in those countries and many deaths >become direct democratic communist Am I the only one?

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European History XO | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/05/21(Fri)01:29:26 No.10391784 European history be like: >Frederick the bastard VIXXX did invade faggotsteinville the fifth time which caused the revolution of the cambridge which became the 48th republic of France 91 KB JPG because he was married to a Dutch women so he ruled entire Rome >Earl archibald fizzleboggins of northumberlaxonia disperses the irish tribes from his s------- grounds, but is attacked by Duke le pipi de la raunche of the holy franconian proto reich >Prince franz schliffenstein slays 600000000000000000000000 bobist heretics for wanting to pay 99% tax to the church instead of 99.5%, and is in turn awarded the latin title of pedophilicusiusicusicusiciusicus by pope child XXXXX molester XXXIVVIIIIVVVVXXIIIIIIIIXXXXI IIVVVVVVVX /XXXXXXXXXXXY /XXXXXXXX >Doge mario shekelianni of the most serene holy roman catholic bank of Pisa increases interest rates on the princes of lower bavonia, leading to his excommunication and the death of 88 gorillion peasants in the ensuing 87 year long war until both sides sue for white peace
: Anonymous 02/05/21(Fri)01:29:26 No.10391784 European history be like: >Frederick the bastard VIXXX did invade faggotsteinville the fifth time which caused the revolution of the cambridge which became the 48th republic of France 91 KB JPG because he was married to a Dutch women so he ruled entire Rome >Earl archibald fizzleboggins of northumberlaxonia disperses the irish tribes from his s------- grounds, but is attacked by Duke le pipi de la raunche of the holy franconian proto reich >Prince franz schliffenstein slays 600000000000000000000000 bobist heretics for wanting to pay 99% tax to the church instead of 99.5%, and is in turn awarded the latin title of pedophilicusiusicusicusiciusicus by pope child XXXXX molester XXXIVVIIIIVVVVXXIIIIIIIIXXXXI IIVVVVVVVX /XXXXXXXXXXXY /XXXXXXXX >Doge mario shekelianni of the most serene holy roman catholic bank of Pisa increases interest rates on the princes of lower bavonia, leading to his excommunication and the death of 88 gorillion peasants in the ensuing 87 year long war until both sides sue for white peace

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Anon reviews human design | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous worst designs in biology 12/10/19(Tue)05:07:31 No.11214649 >physically weak >even the strongest specimens have only 1/10 the strength of a bear >"intelligent" >only about half of the population intelligent enough to make a difference 125 KB JPG >babies take 9 months to be born >and 15 years before they are useful >body too hot for semen to be produced >testicles need to be outside the body >put them in the warmest place possible why has humanity survived this long with such a retarded design?
: Anonymous worst designs in biology 12/10/19(Tue)05:07:31 No.11214649 >physically weak >even the strongest specimens have only 1/10 the strength of a bear >"intelligent" >only about half of the population intelligent enough to make a difference 125 KB JPG >babies take 9 months to be born >and 15 years before they are useful >body too hot for semen to be produced >testicles need to be outside the body >put them in the warmest place possible why has humanity survived this long with such a retarded design?

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Anon larps as femanon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous ITT: Times you acted like Crue(...) 02/24/21(Wed)19:30:57 No.147097312 >Boyfriend does something I dislike >Don't tell him what it is. Tell him I'm okay when he asks if something's wrong. Withhold sex, withhold affection, be completely uncommunicative and uncooperative while expecting him to read my mind about what's wrong 100 KB PNG I SET FIRE TO THE RAIN 190 Replies / 21 Images View Thread
: Anonymous ITT: Times you acted like Crue(...) 02/24/21(Wed)19:30:57 No.147097312 >Boyfriend does something I dislike >Don't tell him what it is. Tell him I'm okay when he asks if something's wrong. Withhold sex, withhold affection, be completely uncommunicative and uncooperative while expecting him to read my mind about what's wrong 100 KB PNG I SET FIRE TO THE RAIN 190 Replies / 21 Images View Thread

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anons boyfriend is gay | /r/Greentext

File: download.jpg (6 KB, 306x164) Go to horny jail What am I doing wrong anon 02/24/21(Wed)02:50:14 N >get boyfriend >we talked often >told him I wanted to take it slow. We just kiss and cuddle >He's a virgin and I gave him his first kiss >he stops talking to me as often >blames it on his college studies >got high and texted him I wanted to cuddle >he says he's on his way but says he's kidding. >talk more about cuddling >he sends me pic related BONK
File: download.jpg (6 KB, 306x164) Go to horny jail What am I doing wrong anon 02/24/21(Wed)02:50:14 N >get boyfriend >we talked often >told him I wanted to take it slow. We just kiss and cuddle >He's a virgin and I gave him his first kiss >he stops talking to me as often >blames it on his college studies >got high and texted him I wanted to cuddle >he says he's on his way but says he's kidding. >talk more about cuddling >he sends me pic related BONK

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Anon joins the chan | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/24/21(Wed)11:26:00 No.848183174 >be me >joined 4chan yesterday and have no f------ idea how to green text >is this a greentext 36 KB JPG 15 Replies / 7 Images View Thread : Anonymous 02/24/21(Wed)11:33:25 No.848183705 >>848183526 # Very good, Young Pedowan. We'll make a shitposter of you yet...
: Anonymous 02/24/21(Wed)11:26:00 No.848183174 >be me >joined 4chan yesterday and have no f------ idea how to green text >is this a greentext 36 KB JPG 15 Replies / 7 Images View Thread : Anonymous 02/24/21(Wed)11:33:25 No.848183705 >>848183526 # Very good, Young Pedowan. We'll make a shitposter of you yet...

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Anon practices medicine | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/25/21(Thu)00:50:29 No.848178101 ITT: Self-surgery stories, anything from small scale to literal life-threatening emergencies >Lying awake at 4am, can't sleep >Decide to pass time by looking for spots, ingrowing hairs or whatever on the 240 KB JPG underside of my legs >Find what looks like a blackhead >A bit big though, and looks like it's sunken in instead of a bump >...hm >Looks like a 'plug', has a defined edge >F--- it this is coming out >Get a needle and carefully jimmy around the edge to raise it >Takes a while but manage, get some tweezers >Pull out a clump of dead skin goo hanging onto at least one hair, all about an inch in length >mfw >Carefully clean it out without causing too much bleeding >Also mfw realising I narrowly avoided having a potential cyst growing in a place I wouldn't notice until it got real nasty
: Anonymous 02/25/21(Thu)00:50:29 No.848178101 ITT: Self-surgery stories, anything from small scale to literal life-threatening emergencies >Lying awake at 4am, can't sleep >Decide to pass time by looking for spots, ingrowing hairs or whatever on the 240 KB JPG underside of my legs >Find what looks like a blackhead >A bit big though, and looks like it's sunken in instead of a bump >...hm >Looks like a 'plug', has a defined edge >F--- it this is coming out >Get a needle and carefully jimmy around the edge to raise it >Takes a while but manage, get some tweezers >Pull out a clump of dead skin goo hanging onto at least one hair, all about an inch in length >mfw >Carefully clean it out without causing too much bleeding >Also mfw realising I narrowly avoided having a potential cyst growing in a place I wouldn't notice until it got real nasty

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Anon has a new penpal | /r/Greentext

File: 14943195253106.jpg (36 KB, 660x443) O Anonymous 02/24/21(Wed)13:50:06 No.848170320 [Reply] >Be me >Be 12 >Be mexican >School says they have a penpal program to exchange e-mails with students from US >Penpals assigned randomly >My penpal is a girl called Jenny from NY >We start sending e-mails >Everything seems fine >My profile picture was a pic of Luffy from One Piece or Trollface >She asks me why I don't have a profile picture of myself >I reply I don't know >She asks for a picture of myself >I look for my best picture and send it >She doesn't reply >l ask her "so?" >She replies "ur ugly" >feelsbadman.jpg >Next class the teacher tells me I have a new penpal, a kid named Justin from Michigan IT NEVER BEGAN
File: 14943195253106.jpg (36 KB, 660x443) O Anonymous 02/24/21(Wed)13:50:06 No.848170320 [Reply] >Be me >Be 12 >Be mexican >School says they have a penpal program to exchange e-mails with students from US >Penpals assigned randomly >My penpal is a girl called Jenny from NY >We start sending e-mails >Everything seems fine >My profile picture was a pic of Luffy from One Piece or Trollface >She asks me why I don't have a profile picture of myself >I reply I don't know >She asks for a picture of myself >I look for my best picture and send it >She doesn't reply >l ask her "so?" >She replies "ur ugly" >feelsbadman.jpg >Next class the teacher tells me I have a new penpal, a kid named Justin from Michigan IT NEVER BEGAN

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Anon steals mozzarella | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Mozarella Theft 02/21/21(Sun)08:31:21 No.62431240 >buy 4 blocks of mozarella cheese >go through self checkout >3 are fancy kind 1 >1 is low cost discount kind >ring up low cost discount kind 4 times 25 KB JPG >say goodbye to the nice security lady out front
: Anonymous Mozarella Theft 02/21/21(Sun)08:31:21 No.62431240 >buy 4 blocks of mozarella cheese >go through self checkout >3 are fancy kind 1 >1 is low cost discount kind >ring up low cost discount kind 4 times 25 KB JPG >say goodbye to the nice security lady out front

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Anon plays uno | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/11/21(Mon)18:47:08 No.144971906 UNO person-uno.png 103 KB PNG >"Nice play Mr. Bond, however you did not announce you were almost finished, so now you are two cards further from victory."
: Anonymous 01/11/21(Mon)18:47:08 No.144971906 UNO person-uno.png 103 KB PNG >"Nice play Mr. Bond, however you did not announce you were almost finished, so now you are two cards further from victory."

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Anon is slow | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous times you blew it 02/22/21(Mon)16:13:51 No.6244953- >be me >when i was 21 i used to go to this mall and drink coffee from time to time at one place >really cute girl working there >some time later >really attractive girl stops me >she seems super excited 53 KB JPG >hey, arent you that guy that used to drink coffee some time ago at that place i used to work >uhhh i dont know let me think...mmm no maybe its somebody else i cant remember >really ?you really look like him >nah maybe its somebody else >she seems super dissappointed >go about my day >some time later >remember she was the girl from that place i used to drink coffee at >realise she prob liked me >realise i blew a sure thing to have a gf
: Anonymous times you blew it 02/22/21(Mon)16:13:51 No.6244953- >be me >when i was 21 i used to go to this mall and drink coffee from time to time at one place >really cute girl working there >some time later >really attractive girl stops me >she seems super excited 53 KB JPG >hey, arent you that guy that used to drink coffee some time ago at that place i used to work >uhhh i dont know let me think...mmm no maybe its somebody else i cant remember >really ?you really look like him >nah maybe its somebody else >she seems super dissappointed >go about my day >some time later >remember she was the girl from that place i used to drink coffee at >realise she prob liked me >realise i blew a sure thing to have a gf

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Anon didn’t have any father figures | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)13:19:25 No.848119681 >be 24yr old male >raised by mom since birth >mom was wary of men after my dad splooged and peace'd out >zero male figures in my life from ME age womb - 18 >have zero maintenance skills, only 96 KB JPG know how to cook and clean REALLY well >present >my bathtub faucet breaks >FUUUUUCK. IF ONLY A SWIFFER DUSTER COULD FIX THIS. >spend 2.5hours googling "parts of a bathtub" "bathtub faucet parts" "how to fix a bathtub" etc etc >FINALLY find the correct video >person has all the pieces I have, looks like I'm gonna fix my first household item! >thoroughly watch video >attempt to fix tub >doesn't fix it, starts getting p----- off >decides to just jam all the pieces into the faucet hole, f--- it, it'll do something >tub works BRIEFLY then all the pieces fall out and and the handle breaks off >"f--- it" >call a repairman >mfw I spent 20 minutes explaining to him how I nearly fixed my own tub before f------ it up even worse as water blasts his face
: Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)13:19:25 No.848119681 >be 24yr old male >raised by mom since birth >mom was wary of men after my dad splooged and peace'd out >zero male figures in my life from ME age womb - 18 >have zero maintenance skills, only 96 KB JPG know how to cook and clean REALLY well >present >my bathtub faucet breaks >FUUUUUCK. IF ONLY A SWIFFER DUSTER COULD FIX THIS. >spend 2.5hours googling "parts of a bathtub" "bathtub faucet parts" "how to fix a bathtub" etc etc >FINALLY find the correct video >person has all the pieces I have, looks like I'm gonna fix my first household item! >thoroughly watch video >attempt to fix tub >doesn't fix it, starts getting p----- off >decides to just jam all the pieces into the faucet hole, f--- it, it'll do something >tub works BRIEFLY then all the pieces fall out and and the handle breaks off >"f--- it" >call a repairman >mfw I spent 20 minutes explaining to him how I nearly fixed my own tub before f------ it up even worse as water blasts his face

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Anon contemplates suicide | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/26/21(Tue)00:10:24 No.845774757 >be me >teenage years > antisocial and depressed as f--- >family and friends were very supportive >few weeks go by >not depressed anymore 98 KB JPG >acting more energetic and lively because I no longer want to shoot my head off >mom walks by >"what the f--- has gotten into you lately anon?" >sister tells me to stop bothering her when I try to talk >friends stop hanging out with me >become depressed again >cycle continues until junior year of school >wondering why I didnt just kill myself in the first place.
: Anonymous 01/26/21(Tue)00:10:24 No.845774757 >be me >teenage years > antisocial and depressed as f--- >family and friends were very supportive >few weeks go by >not depressed anymore 98 KB JPG >acting more energetic and lively because I no longer want to shoot my head off >mom walks by >"what the f--- has gotten into you lately anon?" >sister tells me to stop bothering her when I try to talk >friends stop hanging out with me >become depressed again >cycle continues until junior year of school >wondering why I didnt just kill myself in the first place.

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Anon and his typo-ridden greentext | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Spooky stories 01/27/21(Wed)19:25:56 No.62053745 Friend told me this story that aoparently happened to his uncle.or whatever >Go to bed >Wake up in the middle of the night because of strange noises in his bedroom >Turn bedside lamp on 42 KB JPG >There's a woman with no facial features other then her mouth standing in his room >She's wielding a big ass knife >He's so scared he can't even scream >She gets on his bed and sits on top of him >Sticks the knife bedside table >Turns the light off and proceeds to f--- the s--- out of him >He wakes up in the morning thinking it was all a dream >There's still the knife's hole in the bedside table He was a bit of a stoner and a drinker, but never did anything other than weed and booze. He quit drinking shortly after that.
: Anonymous Spooky stories 01/27/21(Wed)19:25:56 No.62053745 Friend told me this story that aoparently happened to his uncle.or whatever >Go to bed >Wake up in the middle of the night because of strange noises in his bedroom >Turn bedside lamp on 42 KB JPG >There's a woman with no facial features other then her mouth standing in his room >She's wielding a big ass knife >He's so scared he can't even scream >She gets on his bed and sits on top of him >Sticks the knife bedside table >Turns the light off and proceeds to f--- the s--- out of him >He wakes up in the morning thinking it was all a dream >There's still the knife's hole in the bedside table He was a bit of a stoner and a drinker, but never did anything other than weed and booze. He quit drinking shortly after that.

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