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Anon has a big brain moment | /r/Greentext

NEAT 1• #103618555 10/17/18, 5:00 PM >mfw I realize all of Spider-Man's enemies are modeled after the spider's natural predators 9 REPLIES 2 #103618579 10/17/18 5:01 PM >>103618555 OP How is an octopus a natural predator for spiders? 2 REPLIES 3 #103618601 10/17/18 5:02 PM >>103618555 OP Rhino, alien symbiote, electricity, etc.... seems legit. 2 REPLIES 4 #103618607 10/17/18 5:03 PM >>103618555 OP Ah the greatest of the natural predators, yes, the goblin.
NEAT 1• #103618555 10/17/18, 5:00 PM >mfw I realize all of Spider-Man's enemies are modeled after the spider's natural predators 9 REPLIES 2 #103618579 10/17/18 5:01 PM >>103618555 OP How is an octopus a natural predator for spiders? 2 REPLIES 3 #103618601 10/17/18 5:02 PM >>103618555 OP Rhino, alien symbiote, electricity, etc.... seems legit. 2 REPLIES 4 #103618607 10/17/18 5:03 PM >>103618555 OP Ah the greatest of the natural predators, yes, the goblin.

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Muff diving | /r/Greentext

File: 1608851486203.png (47 KB, 500x430) O Anonymous 02/12/21(Fri)06:42:56 No.847192813 [Reply] Greentext thread? I'll start >be me in childhood >1st grade or somewhere around that time >getting bullied by a chick so fat, she'd need to take a panoramic picture for a selfie >get kicked in the legs and fall a lot >idea.jpg >she can't kick me to the ground if I'm on the ground from the start >next day >the bitch is at it again >approach her >lay down on the floor >she's incredibly confused >begin kicking from below >kick her in the p---- >critical hit >a groan of pain louder than an actual whale >never bullied by her again >mfw now bullied by everyone else for being autistic
File: 1608851486203.png (47 KB, 500x430) O Anonymous 02/12/21(Fri)06:42:56 No.847192813 [Reply] Greentext thread? I'll start >be me in childhood >1st grade or somewhere around that time >getting bullied by a chick so fat, she'd need to take a panoramic picture for a selfie >get kicked in the legs and fall a lot >idea.jpg >she can't kick me to the ground if I'm on the ground from the start >next day >the bitch is at it again >approach her >lay down on the floor >she's incredibly confused >begin kicking from below >kick her in the p---- >critical hit >a groan of pain louder than an actual whale >never bullied by her again >mfw now bullied by everyone else for being autistic

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Anon sets a trap | /r/Greentext

15965029 1823782704528885_2088726311223753541_n.jpg 130 KB JPG Story time folks >Be me >Trump supporter >Trump sign outside to trigger mostly millennial college near by >Constantly getting run over and pulled out >Think of idea (pic related) >Plant nails and wait >One day a woman comes to my door >Fat, purple hair, 23 at most, red at the face and starts screaming at me about how it's my fault her tires are flat OhLordMySides.exe >She says if l don't reimburse her for her tire she'll get the police involved >Sudden Idea >Tell her to leave her information so I can send her the check since I would need to go to the bank >Actually does it >Call my lawyer to set up the lawsuit >Get my outside cameras to see her running over my sign >Give her name address and car tags to confirm it was her car >Take her to court, open and shut case >Pay for damages >Throw in some b------- about emotional damage "I don't feel like me or my property is safe just because of my political views" >Actually f------ works >She loses her f------ s--- at this point >Starts screaming about how I agreed to pay and how this should be illegal NoProof.jpeg >Says she can't pay for basic living expenses or college if she has to pay this >Based Judge says "You should of thought about that before tearing down someone's property, you have 30 days to pay" >She gets her tires destroyed, humiliated in court, can't pay for living expenses, probably got kicked out of college and had to pay me 3k in emotional damages So, guys, what parts of my PC should I upgrade? Pic related ifunny.co
15965029 1823782704528885_2088726311223753541_n.jpg 130 KB JPG Story time folks >Be me >Trump supporter >Trump sign outside to trigger mostly millennial college near by >Constantly getting run over and pulled out >Think of idea (pic related) >Plant nails and wait >One day a woman comes to my door >Fat, purple hair, 23 at most, red at the face and starts screaming at me about how it's my fault her tires are flat OhLordMySides.exe >She says if l don't reimburse her for her tire she'll get the police involved >Sudden Idea >Tell her to leave her information so I can send her the check since I would need to go to the bank >Actually does it >Call my lawyer to set up the lawsuit >Get my outside cameras to see her running over my sign >Give her name address and car tags to confirm it was her car >Take her to court, open and shut case >Pay for damages >Throw in some b------- about emotional damage "I don't feel like me or my property is safe just because of my political views" >Actually f------ works >She loses her f------ s--- at this point >Starts screaming about how I agreed to pay and how this should be illegal NoProof.jpeg >Says she can't pay for basic living expenses or college if she has to pay this >Based Judge says "You should of thought about that before tearing down someone's property, you have 30 days to pay" >She gets her tires destroyed, humiliated in court, can't pay for living expenses, probably got kicked out of college and had to pay me 3k in emotional damages So, guys, what parts of my PC should I upgrade? Pic related ifunny.co

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Anon is a good soccer manager | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/07/21(Sun)08:01:25 No.543406786 I was 12, playing some s----- simulated football thing on a website. This was around 2005ish so it was pretty basic, it also wasn't very popular, I think they only had a few thousand 955 KB JPG players. But I'm really good, I start right at the bottom and plough through the competition. plan tactics, pick the right players, beat the odds and manage to move up four leagues in four seasons. I get an email from the f------ DEVS going "hey want to be on our news thing?" and I think H-------- I HAVE HIT THE BIG TIME JESUS CHRIST. They email me some questions, pretty basic stuff clearly aimed at showing I was enjoying the game, but I answer it full on ego like l'm a f------ premier manager, talk about player mentality and the like jesus christ l'm wenger reborn. They post it up. It is at this exact moment I realise: I have been playing through entirely Al-run leagues, I have no played a single real team the entire time, they're all in the actual premier leagues. Everyone I played against is a f------ Al script that probably didn't even work and just existed to pad things out. The article itself correctly paints me as a chromosome collector to be gently pity-clapped for my enthusiasm.
: Anonymous 02/07/21(Sun)08:01:25 No.543406786 I was 12, playing some s----- simulated football thing on a website. This was around 2005ish so it was pretty basic, it also wasn't very popular, I think they only had a few thousand 955 KB JPG players. But I'm really good, I start right at the bottom and plough through the competition. plan tactics, pick the right players, beat the odds and manage to move up four leagues in four seasons. I get an email from the f------ DEVS going "hey want to be on our news thing?" and I think H-------- I HAVE HIT THE BIG TIME JESUS CHRIST. They email me some questions, pretty basic stuff clearly aimed at showing I was enjoying the game, but I answer it full on ego like l'm a f------ premier manager, talk about player mentality and the like jesus christ l'm wenger reborn. They post it up. It is at this exact moment I realise: I have been playing through entirely Al-run leagues, I have no played a single real team the entire time, they're all in the actual premier leagues. Everyone I played against is a f------ Al script that probably didn't even work and just existed to pad things out. The article itself correctly paints me as a chromosome collector to be gently pity-clapped for my enthusiasm.

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Anon is bald eagle | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 10/10/18(Wed)08:08:36 No.48612221 reeeeeeeeе get out commie f--- >lts never worked so stop trying >Its not going to work reeee 10 KB JPG 2 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
Anonymous 10/10/18(Wed)08:08:36 No.48612221 reeeeeeeeе get out commie f--- >lts never worked so stop trying >Its not going to work reeee 10 KB JPG 2 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon fools a coworker | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: 16W9IEZG) 05/04/12(Fri)22:21:53 No.397680460 File: 1336184513.jpg-(53 KB, 400x400, 1331856759425.jpg) >Be 19 >working in s----- clothes store >6-7/10 female coworker hitting on me hardcore >l don't know how to deal with this. >Convince myself that she can't really be attracted to me: >She must be plotting something. >Want it to stop asap >Lie. Tell her l'm gay. >She stops hitting on me. >A day or so of peace. >Male coworker starts hitting on me. >God f------ damn it. >He still thinks we're dating. >Jokes on him. He's been putting his d--- in a straight man. >Lol f------. >mfw
Anonymous (ID: 16W9IEZG) 05/04/12(Fri)22:21:53 No.397680460 File: 1336184513.jpg-(53 KB, 400x400, 1331856759425.jpg) >Be 19 >working in s----- clothes store >6-7/10 female coworker hitting on me hardcore >l don't know how to deal with this. >Convince myself that she can't really be attracted to me: >She must be plotting something. >Want it to stop asap >Lie. Tell her l'm gay. >She stops hitting on me. >A day or so of peace. >Male coworker starts hitting on me. >God f------ damn it. >He still thinks we're dating. >Jokes on him. He's been putting his d--- in a straight man. >Lol f------. >mfw

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Lead pipes | /r/Greentext

File: image0-38.gif (137 KB, 128x128) U Anonymous 02/11/21(Thu)17:42:11 No.847146415 [Reply] >be me >go to florida for spring break or some s--- like that >grandparents have condo there so I stay with them >its 11:00 >go into kitchen to get drink >see grandfather jerking the ever loving s--- out of his d--- from behind the counter >turn away >pour some water and act like nothing happened >go back to room Why are we here? Just to suffer?
File: image0-38.gif (137 KB, 128x128) U Anonymous 02/11/21(Thu)17:42:11 No.847146415 [Reply] >be me >go to florida for spring break or some s--- like that >grandparents have condo there so I stay with them >its 11:00 >go into kitchen to get drink >see grandfather jerking the ever loving s--- out of his d--- from behind the counter >turn away >pour some water and act like nothing happened >go back to room Why are we here? Just to suffer?

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Anon stalks his ex girlfriend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/10/21(Wed)09:32:35 No.846992635 >Be me >Ex gf has a new boyfriend >Let's go stalk the guy >Finds out he has a weed buisness >Find out he's not very smart >Starting a folder with all the proofs 112 KB JPG >Send it to the police >1 month later >Friend tells me that police had a warrant for her appartment, they found out that she was storing the weed for her bf >She's sleeping in jail right now Am la genius anons ?
: Anonymous 02/10/21(Wed)09:32:35 No.846992635 >Be me >Ex gf has a new boyfriend >Let's go stalk the guy >Finds out he has a weed buisness >Find out he's not very smart >Starting a folder with all the proofs 112 KB JPG >Send it to the police >1 month later >Friend tells me that police had a warrant for her appartment, they found out that she was storing the weed for her bf >She's sleeping in jail right now Am la genius anons ?

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Annon has opinion | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 847125353 1 godz. temu Guys, I'm malding. >be me >talking to this chick >asks me what I think about trans rights >lt'sShow Time.mp4 >start discussing it, she says her opinions, I tell her mine >going better than I expected >all of the sudden she tells me I'm a bad person >w--.jpeg >ask her why she tells me that >well Anon you're an idiot and don't deserve an opinion 110,4 kB JPG >... >is this bitch serious? >tell her I don't dislike her because of her opinions, it's a human right to have an opinion, having a different opinion is normal, and should be respected >get blocked Well that went like s---, I am angry, need to vent to another girl I like. >mention it in short >tells me she's sad I think like this /b/ro's, please convince me l'm not crazy to think transgenders are vile Frankenstein creations. Tl;dr - redpill me on transgenders 20 REPLIES 8 IMAGES REPLY
Anonymous | 847125353 1 godz. temu Guys, I'm malding. >be me >talking to this chick >asks me what I think about trans rights >lt'sShow Time.mp4 >start discussing it, she says her opinions, I tell her mine >going better than I expected >all of the sudden she tells me I'm a bad person >w--.jpeg >ask her why she tells me that >well Anon you're an idiot and don't deserve an opinion 110,4 kB JPG >... >is this bitch serious? >tell her I don't dislike her because of her opinions, it's a human right to have an opinion, having a different opinion is normal, and should be respected >get blocked Well that went like s---, I am angry, need to vent to another girl I like. >mention it in short >tells me she's sad I think like this /b/ro's, please convince me l'm not crazy to think transgenders are vile Frankenstein creations. Tl;dr - redpill me on transgenders 20 REPLIES 8 IMAGES REPLY

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Anon is a good doctor | /r/Greentext

File: 1394137227174.jpg-(30 KB, 500x275, image.jpg) O Anonymous (ID: E/JmhCVX) 03/06/14(Thu)12:20:27 UTC-8 No.535908768 Replies: >>535908926 >>535909206 >playing TF2 >arena mode >whole team rushed out and died >all that was left was me and a heavy, I was playing medic at the time >I ran back to base and saw the heavy AFK >after a while he came back >"OH TEAM I AM MOST SORRY" in a voice that sounded he had food in his mouth >from what I can tell he was probably autistic or something, since he spoke Heavy's lines >always referred to me as "DOCTOR" >BLU team approached >"DOCTOR CHARGE ME WHEN BABY TEAM IS NEAR. NOW DOCTOR, HIT IT DOCTOR." >Popped the uber, and he killed the whole team >he adds me >every game we play I always go medic and he goes heavy >he always yells the battle cry of the heavy or laughs like him all the time >always thanks me "YOU ARE GREAT DOCTOR" >I think he was poor since he never played any other games besides TF2 >when asked all he responded was "DOCTOR, money is needed. Must collect money, but money is hard now" >he sounds sad and asked if he ever saw meet the medic to brighten up the mood >when he said no, I gave him a link to the video >he was very ecstatic and eagerly asking me about the part when the medic put the uber part on the heart >asked if it was possible to get new heart with uber >I said heart transplants are possible, but without uber >he got sad again >"Maybe in the future" >he then gave a heavy laugh and said "THEN DOCTOR, HEAVY WILL WAIT FOR FUTURE" -Few weeks later >he messaged me saying "DOCTOR, Heavy will not be fighting until later in the night" >it wasn't until tomorrow he got on -For the record he referenced himself as "Heavy" since it's the only class he ever played and it was in his steam name Continued O Anonymous (ID: E/JmhCVX) 03/06/14(Thu)12:21:52 UTC-8 No.535908926 Replies: >>535909256 >>535909332 File: 1394137312502.jpg-(32 KB, 264x269, image.jpg) >>535908768 (OP) >got message saying "DOCTOR, Heavy doesn't feel well. I go to other doctors, but they were nowhere near as good as you, DOCTOR" >he sent this message when I was already asleep, I have no f------ idea where he lives >always leave computer on, so that's how I got his messages (if anyone was wondering) >last message said "DOCTOR, Heavy will go now. But do not fear baby men on other team. You are good doctor. With you, victory is always good. Heavy will join in future." >by the time I read his messages he was already offline >never came back online for a year >yesterday he came online >greeted him and asked why he hasn't been online for so long >it was his mom >"David (Heavy) died of heart failure, I'm sorry. Are you the doctor he was always talking about? You're the only friend on his friends list. He was always going on how him and the Doctor were best friends and always leading the team to victory. I don't know what he was talking about, but I was happy that he was happy. Whenever he was on the computer he always had this smile on his face, and I've never seen him happier. He always stayed strong because he wanted to be with the Doctor. Thank you for always making him happy. I'm selling his computer because we were never really wealthy to begin with. If we were, he'd be here right now. I just wanted to see what was on his computer. Thank you again." >MFW I never replied >MFW I was just staring at that screen for hours
File: 1394137227174.jpg-(30 KB, 500x275, image.jpg) O Anonymous (ID: E/JmhCVX) 03/06/14(Thu)12:20:27 UTC-8 No.535908768 Replies: >>535908926 >>535909206 >playing TF2 >arena mode >whole team rushed out and died >all that was left was me and a heavy, I was playing medic at the time >I ran back to base and saw the heavy AFK >after a while he came back >"OH TEAM I AM MOST SORRY" in a voice that sounded he had food in his mouth >from what I can tell he was probably autistic or something, since he spoke Heavy's lines >always referred to me as "DOCTOR" >BLU team approached >"DOCTOR CHARGE ME WHEN BABY TEAM IS NEAR. NOW DOCTOR, HIT IT DOCTOR." >Popped the uber, and he killed the whole team >he adds me >every game we play I always go medic and he goes heavy >he always yells the battle cry of the heavy or laughs like him all the time >always thanks me "YOU ARE GREAT DOCTOR" >I think he was poor since he never played any other games besides TF2 >when asked all he responded was "DOCTOR, money is needed. Must collect money, but money is hard now" >he sounds sad and asked if he ever saw meet the medic to brighten up the mood >when he said no, I gave him a link to the video >he was very ecstatic and eagerly asking me about the part when the medic put the uber part on the heart >asked if it was possible to get new heart with uber >I said heart transplants are possible, but without uber >he got sad again >"Maybe in the future" >he then gave a heavy laugh and said "THEN DOCTOR, HEAVY WILL WAIT FOR FUTURE" -Few weeks later >he messaged me saying "DOCTOR, Heavy will not be fighting until later in the night" >it wasn't until tomorrow he got on -For the record he referenced himself as "Heavy" since it's the only class he ever played and it was in his steam name Continued O Anonymous (ID: E/JmhCVX) 03/06/14(Thu)12:21:52 UTC-8 No.535908926 Replies: >>535909256 >>535909332 File: 1394137312502.jpg-(32 KB, 264x269, image.jpg) >>535908768 (OP) >got message saying "DOCTOR, Heavy doesn't feel well. I go to other doctors, but they were nowhere near as good as you, DOCTOR" >he sent this message when I was already asleep, I have no f------ idea where he lives >always leave computer on, so that's how I got his messages (if anyone was wondering) >last message said "DOCTOR, Heavy will go now. But do not fear baby men on other team. You are good doctor. With you, victory is always good. Heavy will join in future." >by the time I read his messages he was already offline >never came back online for a year >yesterday he came online >greeted him and asked why he hasn't been online for so long >it was his mom >"David (Heavy) died of heart failure, I'm sorry. Are you the doctor he was always talking about? You're the only friend on his friends list. He was always going on how him and the Doctor were best friends and always leading the team to victory. I don't know what he was talking about, but I was happy that he was happy. Whenever he was on the computer he always had this smile on his face, and I've never seen him happier. He always stayed strong because he wanted to be with the Doctor. Thank you for always making him happy. I'm selling his computer because we were never really wealthy to begin with. If we were, he'd be here right now. I just wanted to see what was on his computer. Thank you again." >MFW I never replied >MFW I was just staring at that screen for hours

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Lactose tolerance | /r/Greentext

File: img-cow@2x.png (883 KB, 2348x1728) O Anonymous 02/10/21(Wed)21:20:08 No.9428825 [Reply] >>9429148 >>9429166 >>9429177 >>9429361 >>9429413 >be me >horny 19 yr cranking it daily >see image of Bel cow >reminded of youthful summers in France when that stupid f------ cow speaking frogspeak used to give me boners >not a Furry >decide to crank it anyway >Google images Bel cow p---, oddly lactation very popular. Not a fetish of mine but this firetruck red bovine with giant knockers looks f------ delish >brilliant idea pops into my horny skull >decide to go down and find a waterbottle with those rubber things you can drag up to drink >fill with milk and warm in the microwave >mother walks by >f---.zpr >Anon what are you doing microwaving an bottle of milk in the middle of the night? >make something up about needing proteins and warm milk helps me sleep >buys it >finally ready to crank, grab lube and find the hottest Pic of those red milkers >brother wakes up in the middle of the night in room next to mine >whatever he won't notice too, focused on the crimson orbs >flip the bottle and put it on my desk, crouch down and begin sucking out milk, crank it while staring up at the screen >this is the hottest s--- ever >mfw when I hear someone set foot in my room >mfw when I realize door was not completely closed and brother had been watching for undetermined time >mfw when I'm already past the point of no return and will c-- even if I stop cranking >turn around >my f------ face when I hear my disappointed father sigh and he and brother stands at door looking at me as j--- and milk drips to the ground and the fat red cow t--- are still on display on screen >cat joins and meows because family is there >mother comes out of bedroom because of commotion >everyone stares at me as I just sit there and clench my buttcheeks in cringe >brother calls me a degenerate, then everyone just goes back to bed while I clean up this happened yesterday and I still have not spoken to my family. Been learning japanese for about a year now, thinking of moving country to that or the states or rope.
File: img-cow@2x.png (883 KB, 2348x1728) O Anonymous 02/10/21(Wed)21:20:08 No.9428825 [Reply] >>9429148 >>9429166 >>9429177 >>9429361 >>9429413 >be me >horny 19 yr cranking it daily >see image of Bel cow >reminded of youthful summers in France when that stupid f------ cow speaking frogspeak used to give me boners >not a Furry >decide to crank it anyway >Google images Bel cow p---, oddly lactation very popular. Not a fetish of mine but this firetruck red bovine with giant knockers looks f------ delish >brilliant idea pops into my horny skull >decide to go down and find a waterbottle with those rubber things you can drag up to drink >fill with milk and warm in the microwave >mother walks by >f---.zpr >Anon what are you doing microwaving an bottle of milk in the middle of the night? >make something up about needing proteins and warm milk helps me sleep >buys it >finally ready to crank, grab lube and find the hottest Pic of those red milkers >brother wakes up in the middle of the night in room next to mine >whatever he won't notice too, focused on the crimson orbs >flip the bottle and put it on my desk, crouch down and begin sucking out milk, crank it while staring up at the screen >this is the hottest s--- ever >mfw when I hear someone set foot in my room >mfw when I realize door was not completely closed and brother had been watching for undetermined time >mfw when I'm already past the point of no return and will c-- even if I stop cranking >turn around >my f------ face when I hear my disappointed father sigh and he and brother stands at door looking at me as j--- and milk drips to the ground and the fat red cow t--- are still on display on screen >cat joins and meows because family is there >mother comes out of bedroom because of commotion >everyone stares at me as I just sit there and clench my buttcheeks in cringe >brother calls me a degenerate, then everyone just goes back to bed while I clean up this happened yesterday and I still have not spoken to my family. Been learning japanese for about a year now, thinking of moving country to that or the states or rope.

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Anon makes a call | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 62285033 19 min. ago >remembering that time in high school when I prank-called a funeral home to ask if I could use their property to film a necrophiliac parody p---- called Fake Hearse 104.0 kB PNG
Anonymous | 62285033 19 min. ago >remembering that time in high school when I prank-called a funeral home to ask if I could use their property to film a necrophiliac parody p---- called Fake Hearse 104.0 kB PNG

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Freud loves anon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/12/21(Fri)03:01:32 No.62287238 >parents get divorced >covid happens and my mom wants me to move back home and do online classes >spending every day with her >she's my best friend now >start doing cheeky things like drinking together, flirting, hanging out in the hot tub together famy hem se with 11 KB JPG >invites me to share her bed on particularly drunk nights >cuddle watching tv and movies >one night I got hard pressed against her ass >she gave me a h------- >she now asks me to sleep in her bed every night >she's now sleeping naked >she's grinding against me every night| >giving me a long good night kiss every night Do I just do it? : Anonymous 02/12/21(Fri)03:07:33 No.62287307 >>62287238 (OP) # (you) are the reason people give this board a bad name. Dude go post your bait on /soc/ or some other cuck s---. 43 KB JPG >>62288101 # >>62289519 # >>62289775 # >>62290569 #
: Anonymous 02/12/21(Fri)03:01:32 No.62287238 >parents get divorced >covid happens and my mom wants me to move back home and do online classes >spending every day with her >she's my best friend now >start doing cheeky things like drinking together, flirting, hanging out in the hot tub together famy hem se with 11 KB JPG >invites me to share her bed on particularly drunk nights >cuddle watching tv and movies >one night I got hard pressed against her ass >she gave me a h------- >she now asks me to sleep in her bed every night >she's now sleeping naked >she's grinding against me every night| >giving me a long good night kiss every night Do I just do it? : Anonymous 02/12/21(Fri)03:07:33 No.62287307 >>62287238 (OP) # (you) are the reason people give this board a bad name. Dude go post your bait on /soc/ or some other cuck s---. 43 KB JPG >>62288101 # >>62289519 # >>62289775 # >>62290569 #

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Anon has watermelon | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: GKANVGPD ) 02/26/14(Wed)21:05:52 UTC-8 >be 20 >heard you can f--- watermelons >buys personal watermelon >cuts a round hole >starts f------ watermelon >took like 40mins >not much better than fapping >felt shame >buried melon in a shaliow grave >come summer time melons grew in the backyard >family eats them >"you don't want any melon anon?" >no Never had watermelon since
Anonymous (ID: GKANVGPD ) 02/26/14(Wed)21:05:52 UTC-8 >be 20 >heard you can f--- watermelons >buys personal watermelon >cuts a round hole >starts f------ watermelon >took like 40mins >not much better than fapping >felt shame >buried melon in a shaliow grave >come summer time melons grew in the backyard >family eats them >"you don't want any melon anon?" >no Never had watermelon since

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Anon is a rapper | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/21/18(Tue)09:06:27 No.47648209 Just in case nobody has heard rap before, let me show you what it sounds like: >big gun me shoot you >0oga booga >big red hate big blue >l got big wee wee 251 KB PNG >I shoot you again >and take your girlfriend
: Anonymous 08/21/18(Tue)09:06:27 No.47648209 Just in case nobody has heard rap before, let me show you what it sounds like: >big gun me shoot you >0oga booga >big red hate big blue >l got big wee wee 251 KB PNG >I shoot you again >and take your girlfriend

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Anon is a surgeon | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/01/18(Sat)11:58 >be me >surgeon >35 hour operation >do it perfectly with no mistakes everyone thanks god
Anonymous 09/01/18(Sat)11:58 >be me >surgeon >35 hour operation >do it perfectly with no mistakes everyone thanks god

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I wouldn't call him a Chad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/04/21(Thu)17:05:12 No.62174156 >hang out with chad friend from college >he's getting really into anime because of Netflix specials >he shows me his phone 92 KB JPG >He and his core friend group have a GroupMe where they trade pictures of anime girls >if someone was declared "best girl "and the comment got enough likes, the groupchat's theme and stream would change to her >they'd get into really brutal spats over who best girl was >lt was literally a waifu thread but with chadspeak >"I figured you'd approve" >I did externally >my face internally What the f--- is happening
: Anonymous 02/04/21(Thu)17:05:12 No.62174156 >hang out with chad friend from college >he's getting really into anime because of Netflix specials >he shows me his phone 92 KB JPG >He and his core friend group have a GroupMe where they trade pictures of anime girls >if someone was declared "best girl "and the comment got enough likes, the groupchat's theme and stream would change to her >they'd get into really brutal spats over who best girl was >lt was literally a waifu thread but with chadspeak >"I figured you'd approve" >I did externally >my face internally What the f--- is happening

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Play telephone | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous still lonely 02/11/21(Thu)20:30:32 No.62286882 >be me >15 >virgin >have crush on girl, thought she was an 8/10 at the time but thinking back on it she wasn't that hot 6 KB JPG >no parents home on a summer day, stoned and horny >hit her up, think I might actually have a chance because I got abs from wrestling and cross country, and I caught her checking me out a few times during the swimming segment of gym class >text her, get solid conversation going for maybe 15 mins >ask if she wants to come over >sex heavily implied >she says yes >rush over to pharmacy to buy a condom >its been a while and she never showed up >ask wya >leaves me on read >I text her the next day and ask what happened >she says it wasn't her, her friend took her phone while she wasn't looking and was texting me the entire time >3 1/2 years later that condom is still sitting in my desk drawer, lonely and unused why are people like this?
: Anonymous still lonely 02/11/21(Thu)20:30:32 No.62286882 >be me >15 >virgin >have crush on girl, thought she was an 8/10 at the time but thinking back on it she wasn't that hot 6 KB JPG >no parents home on a summer day, stoned and horny >hit her up, think I might actually have a chance because I got abs from wrestling and cross country, and I caught her checking me out a few times during the swimming segment of gym class >text her, get solid conversation going for maybe 15 mins >ask if she wants to come over >sex heavily implied >she says yes >rush over to pharmacy to buy a condom >its been a while and she never showed up >ask wya >leaves me on read >I text her the next day and ask what happened >she says it wasn't her, her friend took her phone while she wasn't looking and was texting me the entire time >3 1/2 years later that condom is still sitting in my desk drawer, lonely and unused why are people like this?

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This is your Captain speaking | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 02/10/21(Wed)22:48:26 No.1953297 File: birdpepe.jpg (36 KB, 600x600) >>1953300 >>1953377 >>1953452 >be me 26 year old CA >flight attendant is a loose cannon >shrillest voice in the industry >can hear her giving safety announcements through the door even with our noise- cancelling headsets on >be pulling into gate to park >20 feet to go >suddenly hear flight attendant start shrieking >she is yelling at passengers to sit down because we're not at the gate yet >didn't even bother to use the PA, just f------ yelled using her painfully shrill voice >LADIES AND GENTLEMEN THE SEAT BELT SIGN IS STILL ON, REMAIN SEATED >10 feet to go >I look at my FO >apologize for what's about to happen >he realizes what I'm about to do >eyes go wide, face goes pale >she's still yelling >5 feet >I haven't slowed down yet >lord have mercy on my soul >2 feet >Marshal gives a panicked X with his wands >this is the moment >I stomp on the brakes with my entire body weight >the aircraft comes to a violent stop, lurching forward and see-sawing while the landing gear attempts to absorb the sudden momentum shift >rightontheline.tiff >l hear someone in the back scream >a handful of people fall over and onto other passengers >other passengers p-----, why TF were these morons unbuckling, standing, and falling all over us >give a fake apology over the PA about the sudden stop, blame the ramp crew >some passengers give me a knowing smirk while they deplane >flight attendant thanks me for validating her sperging >mfw 76 people will never unbuckle during taxi ever again
O Anonymous 02/10/21(Wed)22:48:26 No.1953297 File: birdpepe.jpg (36 KB, 600x600) >>1953300 >>1953377 >>1953452 >be me 26 year old CA >flight attendant is a loose cannon >shrillest voice in the industry >can hear her giving safety announcements through the door even with our noise- cancelling headsets on >be pulling into gate to park >20 feet to go >suddenly hear flight attendant start shrieking >she is yelling at passengers to sit down because we're not at the gate yet >didn't even bother to use the PA, just f------ yelled using her painfully shrill voice >LADIES AND GENTLEMEN THE SEAT BELT SIGN IS STILL ON, REMAIN SEATED >10 feet to go >I look at my FO >apologize for what's about to happen >he realizes what I'm about to do >eyes go wide, face goes pale >she's still yelling >5 feet >I haven't slowed down yet >lord have mercy on my soul >2 feet >Marshal gives a panicked X with his wands >this is the moment >I stomp on the brakes with my entire body weight >the aircraft comes to a violent stop, lurching forward and see-sawing while the landing gear attempts to absorb the sudden momentum shift >rightontheline.tiff >l hear someone in the back scream >a handful of people fall over and onto other passengers >other passengers p-----, why TF were these morons unbuckling, standing, and falling all over us >give a fake apology over the PA about the sudden stop, blame the ramp crew >some passengers give me a knowing smirk while they deplane >flight attendant thanks me for validating her sperging >mfw 76 people will never unbuckle during taxi ever again

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The defenses have to hold | /r/Greentext

File: st,small,507x507-pad,600x(..).jpg (40 KB, 600x600) O Anonymous 02/11/21(Thu)06:47:22 No.62277845 [Reply] ►>>62278263 >Be me >Working from home, get email that new "Corporate Facebook" thing called Yammer for my company and sister-companies to use. >sign up, set profile picture to image related, post every morning some variation of "Have an awesome day everyone! :)" >Manager calls me last night >"Someone from the sister-company complained your profile picture was racist" he says >"How.. is Pepe, a smiling happy frog, racist?" >He does some quick googling, takes my side, but says he still has to ask me to change it because someone got the wrong idea >okfine.jpg >Spend a few hours frustrated, email him 4 paragraph email on how Pepe isn't racist, Hong Kong protesters use it, it originated from the "Boys club" comic, etc. Say whoever complained is completely wrong, and I am not going to use Yammer any more. His move, let's see what happens today boys, should I update? I have literally over 100k Pepe's on my PC, and it's only racist if you make it racist. I just want to use my happy frog and be happy.
File: st,small,507x507-pad,600x(..).jpg (40 KB, 600x600) O Anonymous 02/11/21(Thu)06:47:22 No.62277845 [Reply] ►>>62278263 >Be me >Working from home, get email that new "Corporate Facebook" thing called Yammer for my company and sister-companies to use. >sign up, set profile picture to image related, post every morning some variation of "Have an awesome day everyone! :)" >Manager calls me last night >"Someone from the sister-company complained your profile picture was racist" he says >"How.. is Pepe, a smiling happy frog, racist?" >He does some quick googling, takes my side, but says he still has to ask me to change it because someone got the wrong idea >okfine.jpg >Spend a few hours frustrated, email him 4 paragraph email on how Pepe isn't racist, Hong Kong protesters use it, it originated from the "Boys club" comic, etc. Say whoever complained is completely wrong, and I am not going to use Yammer any more. His move, let's see what happens today boys, should I update? I have literally over 100k Pepe's on my PC, and it's only racist if you make it racist. I just want to use my happy frog and be happy.

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