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Grave digger | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 01/29/21(Fri)16:28:00 No.305665585 File: 1fe.png (59 KB, 658x662) >>305663403 >be me >9 years old >elementary school >20 min drive from Columbine in CO >Columbine happens >everyone freaking out all the time >leave my backpack in hallway >get pulled into principals office >"Whats this anon?" >Principal pulls out plastic sandbox shovel with rounded edges >"A toy shovel" >"It's a weapon, isn't it anon?" >"What, no, it's a toy" >"Yeah but someone might think it's a weapon" >"What how" >Principal holds up toy shovel in the air >"What if you held it up like this and threatened someone from across the playground? Wouldn't it seem like a weapon then?" >mfw true story.
O Anonymous 01/29/21(Fri)16:28:00 No.305665585 File: 1fe.png (59 KB, 658x662) >>305663403 >be me >9 years old >elementary school >20 min drive from Columbine in CO >Columbine happens >everyone freaking out all the time >leave my backpack in hallway >get pulled into principals office >"Whats this anon?" >Principal pulls out plastic sandbox shovel with rounded edges >"A toy shovel" >"It's a weapon, isn't it anon?" >"What, no, it's a toy" >"Yeah but someone might think it's a weapon" >"What how" >Principal holds up toy shovel in the air >"What if you held it up like this and threatened someone from across the playground? Wouldn't it seem like a weapon then?" >mfw true story.

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Anon is fucked | /r/Greentext

>Start studying for an exam I have in two weeks >Can't concentrate hard enough >After two hours I give up and stop studying >Try to do something else as can literally feel my brain burning for all the things I have to study in just two weeks >Try opening a game >Get stuck in the main menu as I tell myself I should study for the exam >At the same time just remembering how much I have to study makes me feel anxious and I do not want to study anymore >Get stuck in this loop of "I should study but I do not want to study" >Do nothing for the next five hours and the anxiety just rises up even more Why am I like this?
>Start studying for an exam I have in two weeks >Can't concentrate hard enough >After two hours I give up and stop studying >Try to do something else as can literally feel my brain burning for all the things I have to study in just two weeks >Try opening a game >Get stuck in the main menu as I tell myself I should study for the exam >At the same time just remembering how much I have to study makes me feel anxious and I do not want to study anymore >Get stuck in this loop of "I should study but I do not want to study" >Do nothing for the next five hours and the anxiety just rises up even more Why am I like this?

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Anon is under 6'0 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/06/21(Sat)13:03:11 No.62205732 >wake up >5'10 still 31 KB JPG
: Anonymous 02/06/21(Sat)13:03:11 No.62205732 >wake up >5'10 still 31 KB JPG

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Anon loves Robocop | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/19/19(Mon)12:28:07 No.807496699 Feeling cute. Might maul the neighbor's child later. IDK > Be me, 21 year old virgin, early 1990's > Mom's friend's daughter comes to stay with us while see is looking for work > 19 yo qt with long black hair > We spent a lot of time together as I had to drive her around 65 KB JPG > One day we are alone at home > We are watching videos, Robocop > She stops the movie and says she has something to show me > Puts in another video, smiles and press play > P----. Never seen a p---- before, don't know why she is showing me this > Tell her to put Robocop on again > Watch Robocop in silence > Awesome movie View Thread
: Anonymous 08/19/19(Mon)12:28:07 No.807496699 Feeling cute. Might maul the neighbor's child later. IDK > Be me, 21 year old virgin, early 1990's > Mom's friend's daughter comes to stay with us while see is looking for work > 19 yo qt with long black hair > We spent a lot of time together as I had to drive her around 65 KB JPG > One day we are alone at home > We are watching videos, Robocop > She stops the movie and says she has something to show me > Puts in another video, smiles and press play > P----. Never seen a p---- before, don't know why she is showing me this > Tell her to put Robocop on again > Watch Robocop in silence > Awesome movie View Thread

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Anon gets a phone book | /r/Greentext

most retarded moments thread ? > be me > be 11 > in car with family heading home from county fair 100 KB JPG > dad wants dinner > mom hands me the phone book and tells me to look up the number for the place dad wanted so she could check the wait > for whatever f------ reason I hear "get rid of this" > roll down the window and chunk the phone book as we're going 80 on the interstate
most retarded moments thread ? > be me > be 11 > in car with family heading home from county fair 100 KB JPG > dad wants dinner > mom hands me the phone book and tells me to look up the number for the place dad wanted so she could check the wait > for whatever f------ reason I hear "get rid of this" > roll down the window and chunk the phone book as we're going 80 on the interstate

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Anon meets a woman | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)19:40:17 No.846875874 >be me, 25, bored on a friday so l go to a bar as one does >a quite passable woman walks up to me, starts to jokingly make fun of my old beat up leather jacket >s---, never been negged before >end up talking more, she's legit smart and interesting, we've got a lot of mutual interests >she mentions she has a son, he's 7 >l do some quick math, f--- she had a kid at 19 >he's on a sleepover at a friend's place so she's free for the night >her apartment is quite nice >exchange numbers, keep texting >once I complain that the crackheads next door are fighting again, and she invites me over >she pulls the dog into another room so he won't try to eat me >f---, her kid is there, I have no idea what to do with kids >what if I show him how to make quesadillas from scratch >she just sits at the table, smiling while watching us cook >l end up coming over more often, even when my s----- neighbors are quiet >she's the most sensible woman I've ever met, saying if you have a problem, either you can do something to fix it or you can't, and either option, there's no use in complaining >the kid shows me minecraft OC drawings he's made, he's got a surprisingly good grasp of perspective and shading >the guard dog who hates men slowly grudgingly decides to make an exception of me >one day she calls me, with that voice like she's been laughing herself to tears >they were just shopping for clothes for the kid for the past 3 hours >they found everything he needed in the 1st hour, but he kept looking for something else from shop to shop for two hours before giving up >he was trying to find himself a leather jacket
O Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)19:40:17 No.846875874 >be me, 25, bored on a friday so l go to a bar as one does >a quite passable woman walks up to me, starts to jokingly make fun of my old beat up leather jacket >s---, never been negged before >end up talking more, she's legit smart and interesting, we've got a lot of mutual interests >she mentions she has a son, he's 7 >l do some quick math, f--- she had a kid at 19 >he's on a sleepover at a friend's place so she's free for the night >her apartment is quite nice >exchange numbers, keep texting >once I complain that the crackheads next door are fighting again, and she invites me over >she pulls the dog into another room so he won't try to eat me >f---, her kid is there, I have no idea what to do with kids >what if I show him how to make quesadillas from scratch >she just sits at the table, smiling while watching us cook >l end up coming over more often, even when my s----- neighbors are quiet >she's the most sensible woman I've ever met, saying if you have a problem, either you can do something to fix it or you can't, and either option, there's no use in complaining >the kid shows me minecraft OC drawings he's made, he's got a surprisingly good grasp of perspective and shading >the guard dog who hates men slowly grudgingly decides to make an exception of me >one day she calls me, with that voice like she's been laughing herself to tears >they were just shopping for clothes for the kid for the past 3 hours >they found everything he needed in the 1st hour, but he kept looking for something else from shop to shop for two hours before giving up >he was trying to find himself a leather jacket

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Anon is a hero | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/08/21 (Mon)18:28:51 No.846871295 i f----- up /b/ im scared >walking down the street to go to shop >hear loud painful howling sounds from a dog >walk towards sound into a park-like 8 KB JPG area >theres 2 teenagers throwing rocks at a dog >they are laughing their asses off >dog is trying to hide behind a trashcan in a laying position >feel EXTREME utter rage >have never in my 31 years of life on this planet felt so much anger >walk up behind the teenagers, they dont see me >punch one in the back of the head as hard as i can >kick the other one between the legs, also very hard >both fall to the ground >look at me in utter shuck >they walk away without saying a word >adrenaline still pumping >pet the dog, sit next to him for a few minutes then pick him up >carry him to a neighbour who lives 3 minutes away who has vet experiences >tell him found dog like this alone on the road they looked around 16-18+, how f----- am i if they go to the police? what should i do?
: Anonymous 02/08/21 (Mon)18:28:51 No.846871295 i f----- up /b/ im scared >walking down the street to go to shop >hear loud painful howling sounds from a dog >walk towards sound into a park-like 8 KB JPG area >theres 2 teenagers throwing rocks at a dog >they are laughing their asses off >dog is trying to hide behind a trashcan in a laying position >feel EXTREME utter rage >have never in my 31 years of life on this planet felt so much anger >walk up behind the teenagers, they dont see me >punch one in the back of the head as hard as i can >kick the other one between the legs, also very hard >both fall to the ground >look at me in utter shuck >they walk away without saying a word >adrenaline still pumping >pet the dog, sit next to him for a few minutes then pick him up >carry him to a neighbour who lives 3 minutes away who has vet experiences >tell him found dog like this alone on the road they looked around 16-18+, how f----- am i if they go to the police? what should i do?

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Anon and the piss party | /r/Greentext

>Be me >Have a piss fetish >A fellow piss fetisher invites me to a piss party >"cmon Anon there will be a pool full of piss omfg there will be so much of it!" >Can't say no to that 462 KB JPG >When l'm there the piss for some reason repels from me >Mfw I'm the only one who can't enjoy it >Why have the piss gods cursed me?
>Be me >Have a piss fetish >A fellow piss fetisher invites me to a piss party >"cmon Anon there will be a pool full of piss omfg there will be so much of it!" >Can't say no to that 462 KB JPG >When l'm there the piss for some reason repels from me >Mfw I'm the only one who can't enjoy it >Why have the piss gods cursed me?

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Anon discovers revolutionary image saving method at the expense of a relationship | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)06:54:18 No.846801710 File: 2943D6F6-8C0A-4F1D-BDB1-1(..).jpg (121 KB, 614x518) >> >>846797625 (OP) pepe story tiem >be me >be on /b/ in 2012 >pepe blowing up >see thread of rare pepes but computer is broken and so is cell >being the autist i am save as many as humanly possible to my gfs phone to email to myself for review later >she finds them later and flips out The relationship didn't end there but I feel that was the catalyst for our inevitable separation
O Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)06:54:18 No.846801710 File: 2943D6F6-8C0A-4F1D-BDB1-1(..).jpg (121 KB, 614x518) >> >>846797625 (OP) pepe story tiem >be me >be on /b/ in 2012 >pepe blowing up >see thread of rare pepes but computer is broken and so is cell >being the autist i am save as many as humanly possible to my gfs phone to email to myself for review later >she finds them later and flips out The relationship didn't end there but I feel that was the catalyst for our inevitable separation

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Anon prepares for the day | /r/Greentext

Me preparing for a long day of racism and antisemitism R: 158 / I: 48 Ismg/ - Stock Market General: Investing in white stocks edition
Me preparing for a long day of racism and antisemitism R: 158 / I: 48 Ismg/ - Stock Market General: Investing in white stocks edition

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Anon makes a prediction | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)13:45:57 No.62232199 >2026 >most of population of Earth had covid, it's no longer a threat and mostly no one cares about it >2029 >suddenly scientists discover that every male who had covid is now completely sterile 428 KB JPG >humanity is on the verge of extinction >active searches for any male who had escaped covid >it appears that basement dwellers and hikkikomori are the only one who wasn't touched by covid >there's so little hikkis that countries considers it the most precious resource in the world >tension between world powers, nuclear war incoming >UN summit. Most of the strongest countries of the world decide what to do >Decision - let every country had their basement dwellers, and there's no need to declare war to take them. Instead fertile women from all over the world would be sent for these male to impregnate them >Hikkis are so rare, that the only way to make the plan work is to send the best, the most genetically successful and the most beautiful women >Still every hikki need to f--- at least 5 women a day to save the humanity >Million of dollars spend to make life of hikkis as comfortable and healthy as possible, excluding any possible stress, eating perfect food. >hikkis now has to eat Cialis every day and f------ non- stop. >they can only sleep with one girl once Uhm, anon, are you ready for that? You have to start to take care of your health starting now, or humanity won't survive.
: Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)13:45:57 No.62232199 >2026 >most of population of Earth had covid, it's no longer a threat and mostly no one cares about it >2029 >suddenly scientists discover that every male who had covid is now completely sterile 428 KB JPG >humanity is on the verge of extinction >active searches for any male who had escaped covid >it appears that basement dwellers and hikkikomori are the only one who wasn't touched by covid >there's so little hikkis that countries considers it the most precious resource in the world >tension between world powers, nuclear war incoming >UN summit. Most of the strongest countries of the world decide what to do >Decision - let every country had their basement dwellers, and there's no need to declare war to take them. Instead fertile women from all over the world would be sent for these male to impregnate them >Hikkis are so rare, that the only way to make the plan work is to send the best, the most genetically successful and the most beautiful women >Still every hikki need to f--- at least 5 women a day to save the humanity >Million of dollars spend to make life of hikkis as comfortable and healthy as possible, excluding any possible stress, eating perfect food. >hikkis now has to eat Cialis every day and f------ non- stop. >they can only sleep with one girl once Uhm, anon, are you ready for that? You have to start to take care of your health starting now, or humanity won't survive.

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Pirates booty | /r/Greentext

File: e21ea84f7c40c02f53d2c67d7(..).jpg (50 KB, 523x532) O Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)06:42:43 No.846858341 [Reply] story time bread? story time >be me >rob a brewery and steal 5 barrels of booze >its all rum >3 days later i wake up and walk outside and see a suspicious black van and some police cars down the road >panic >race to the bathroom and start pouring the barrels into the bath down the drain >smash the barrels and put them in the pit out back and set them on fire >LOUD BANGING ON MY DOOR >o s--- i am f----- theyve got me >sneak up and see a female cop >she waves >answer the door anxiously >"are you okay anon? you are sweating" >the problem there is officer? >"what" she looks at me funny >"we were just down the road and i noticed black smoke coming from your back yard is everything okay?" >yes the barrels are smoking >"the what? you are aware we are in fire restrictions right? No fires" >yes of course >she comes inside and looks out back and calls the fire brigade >they put out the fire >one of the firemen ask me if i've been making rum because my house wreaks of it >"you know you can re-use the barrels right?" >of course... hahah was just burning old barrels 10 years later still not been caught
File: e21ea84f7c40c02f53d2c67d7(..).jpg (50 KB, 523x532) O Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)06:42:43 No.846858341 [Reply] story time bread? story time >be me >rob a brewery and steal 5 barrels of booze >its all rum >3 days later i wake up and walk outside and see a suspicious black van and some police cars down the road >panic >race to the bathroom and start pouring the barrels into the bath down the drain >smash the barrels and put them in the pit out back and set them on fire >LOUD BANGING ON MY DOOR >o s--- i am f----- theyve got me >sneak up and see a female cop >she waves >answer the door anxiously >"are you okay anon? you are sweating" >the problem there is officer? >"what" she looks at me funny >"we were just down the road and i noticed black smoke coming from your back yard is everything okay?" >yes the barrels are smoking >"the what? you are aware we are in fire restrictions right? No fires" >yes of course >she comes inside and looks out back and calls the fire brigade >they put out the fire >one of the firemen ask me if i've been making rum because my house wreaks of it >"you know you can re-use the barrels right?" >of course... hahah was just burning old barrels 10 years later still not been caught

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Anon needs help | /r/Greentext

file.png 1.6 MB PNG Help how do I stop my jewish room mate from doing this?
file.png 1.6 MB PNG Help how do I stop my jewish room mate from doing this?

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Anon reads a frustrating article | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)07:15:38 No.846846258 >be me, little f----- reading article about average penis size >read that 3.94 inches is the 5th percentile, while 5.16 inches is the 50th percentile, and 6.3 inches is the 95th percentile 61 KB JPG >article says that in a study done on 15,000 women, women prefer 6.4 inch pps for a hookup, and 6.3 inches for long term relationships >article tells men not to worry cuz that's only slightly above average TIL 95th percentile is "slightly above average?"
: Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)07:15:38 No.846846258 >be me, little f----- reading article about average penis size >read that 3.94 inches is the 5th percentile, while 5.16 inches is the 50th percentile, and 6.3 inches is the 95th percentile 61 KB JPG >article says that in a study done on 15,000 women, women prefer 6.4 inch pps for a hookup, and 6.3 inches for long term relationships >article tells men not to worry cuz that's only slightly above average TIL 95th percentile is "slightly above average?"

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Anon doesn't smoke | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/07/21(Sun)18:50:09 No.62224440 >Stranger walks up to me >"Hey, got a smoke?" >"No, sorry, I don't smoke." >"That's good. You shouldn't." 14 KB JPG
: Anonymous 02/07/21(Sun)18:50:09 No.62224440 >Stranger walks up to me >"Hey, got a smoke?" >"No, sorry, I don't smoke." >"That's good. You shouldn't." 14 KB JPG

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Anon does the thing | /r/Greentext

File: thinker_T.png (33 KB, 460x648) Ib/ Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)01:38:12 No.84682 <be me <mfw learning4chanlingo.jpeg <I kek at trannies and n-words every day <reddit is for poopfags am i right /b/ros? <qt.13 9/10 T HIIC grill appear <mfw I simultaneously autism and spaghetti and sperg later virgins
File: thinker_T.png (33 KB, 460x648) Ib/ Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)01:38:12 No.84682 <be me <mfw learning4chanlingo.jpeg <I kek at trannies and n-words every day <reddit is for poopfags am i right /b/ros? <qt.13 9/10 T HIIC grill appear <mfw I simultaneously autism and spaghetti and sperg later virgins

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Anon has an epiphany | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)08:18:56 No.62001152 Anyone else probably gonna die a virgin because you refuse to settle for the fat/ugly easy girls? I'm just not even interested in anything less than a qt, or at least a chubby girl with sexy fat distribution and a 84 KB JPG decent face. : Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)08:21:17 No.62001180 >>62001152 (OP) # >applies reverse logic >realises women will never settle for him 23 KB PNG tfw
: Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)08:18:56 No.62001152 Anyone else probably gonna die a virgin because you refuse to settle for the fat/ugly easy girls? I'm just not even interested in anything less than a qt, or at least a chubby girl with sexy fat distribution and a 84 KB JPG decent face. : Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)08:21:17 No.62001180 >>62001152 (OP) # >applies reverse logic >realises women will never settle for him 23 KB PNG tfw

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leaf is ruined | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: URjuvdTJ) [-1 02/07/21(Sun)18:47:31 No.307083193 Moments you realized /pol/ has ruined your life. I'll start: >be working retail late night shift >thick white girl comes in to shop >immediately look at her and whisper under my breath "heh... 277 KB PNG built.." >realize how pathetic my life has gotten Share em boys, I know this board has effected all of us. : Anonymous (ID: ++WTBHB 02/07/21(Sun)18:49:20 No.307083458 For me, it's Bang's. The best root beer. It always washes down smooth with the most refreshing Ba root beer flavor. Hoot 276 KB JPG The smooth stainless steel look of the can is very popular. I'll walk around carrying my Bang's while drinking it and people always compliment me on the can and ask what I'm drinking out of curiosity. You can always recognize another Bang's drinker because while you're carrying your can around people will sometimes just walk by with a thumbs up and a smile. It's delicious! What a great root beer. >>307083796 # >>307084202 # >>307084509 # >>307084768 # >>307084872 # >>307085446 # >>307087228 # >>307090927 # >>307091268 #
: Anonymous (ID: URjuvdTJ) [-1 02/07/21(Sun)18:47:31 No.307083193 Moments you realized /pol/ has ruined your life. I'll start: >be working retail late night shift >thick white girl comes in to shop >immediately look at her and whisper under my breath "heh... 277 KB PNG built.." >realize how pathetic my life has gotten Share em boys, I know this board has effected all of us. : Anonymous (ID: ++WTBHB 02/07/21(Sun)18:49:20 No.307083458 For me, it's Bang's. The best root beer. It always washes down smooth with the most refreshing Ba root beer flavor. Hoot 276 KB JPG The smooth stainless steel look of the can is very popular. I'll walk around carrying my Bang's while drinking it and people always compliment me on the can and ask what I'm drinking out of curiosity. You can always recognize another Bang's drinker because while you're carrying your can around people will sometimes just walk by with a thumbs up and a smile. It's delicious! What a great root beer. >>307083796 # >>307084202 # >>307084509 # >>307084768 # >>307084872 # >>307085446 # >>307087228 # >>307090927 # >>307091268 #

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Anon plays titanfall 2 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)00:39:00 No.846850673 >be me >huge fan of FPS games >one day pick up a used copy of titanfall 2 for 15 bucks at my local EB Games >boot it up >previous owner already had every 966 KB JPG gun and cosmetic option unlocked >sweet.jpg >star up a remix match >not even 5 seconds into the game i hear grown men arguing over some s--- about a gun >like what is even the point about arguing over that s---, you get it back after your revived >tells them to shut the f--- up >meet with silence >more silence for a solid 5 minutes >match end eventually >that was pretty odd >5 minutes pass, still trying to find a another >get voice recording from one of the dudes >at first i expected mindless shouting but was meet with throat singing and s----- guitar >after a solid minute of s----- music, f----- ask for game a rematch >ok >i get into the private match with him >getting f----- hard >eventually loose >"YEAH GET RAPPED ANON, YOU F------ USELESS P------------" >find it funny >he ask for another rematch >decline cause i have work in a hour 6 hours later >hope on PS4 >find my dms flooded with dickpics and a guy forcing his penis into a sexdoll with my gamer tag on it >"FÜCK ANON, YOUR P---- FEELS SO GOOD" >"F---, IM CUMING" >proceed to see the biggest f------ loud i have ever seen >literally c-- everywhere >next day return copy of titanfall 2 to EB Games >games was ok, 7/10
: Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)00:39:00 No.846850673 >be me >huge fan of FPS games >one day pick up a used copy of titanfall 2 for 15 bucks at my local EB Games >boot it up >previous owner already had every 966 KB JPG gun and cosmetic option unlocked >sweet.jpg >star up a remix match >not even 5 seconds into the game i hear grown men arguing over some s--- about a gun >like what is even the point about arguing over that s---, you get it back after your revived >tells them to shut the f--- up >meet with silence >more silence for a solid 5 minutes >match end eventually >that was pretty odd >5 minutes pass, still trying to find a another >get voice recording from one of the dudes >at first i expected mindless shouting but was meet with throat singing and s----- guitar >after a solid minute of s----- music, f----- ask for game a rematch >ok >i get into the private match with him >getting f----- hard >eventually loose >"YEAH GET RAPPED ANON, YOU F------ USELESS P------------" >find it funny >he ask for another rematch >decline cause i have work in a hour 6 hours later >hope on PS4 >find my dms flooded with dickpics and a guy forcing his penis into a sexdoll with my gamer tag on it >"FÜCK ANON, YOUR P---- FEELS SO GOOD" >"F---, IM CUMING" >proceed to see the biggest f------ loud i have ever seen >literally c-- everywhere >next day return copy of titanfall 2 to EB Games >games was ok, 7/10

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Anon believes in climate change | /r/Greentext

02/08/21(Mon)08:05:43 No.307132705 >be in math class >ask teacher "are you sure this is all true? " >"yes Anon, l'm pretty sure" >be in climate change class >ask teacher "are you sure this is all true?" >Teacher starts screaming in 48 KB JPG agony >Jumps out the window >perhaps it's true then
02/08/21(Mon)08:05:43 No.307132705 >be in math class >ask teacher "are you sure this is all true? " >"yes Anon, l'm pretty sure" >be in climate change class >ask teacher "are you sure this is all true?" >Teacher starts screaming in 48 KB JPG agony >Jumps out the window >perhaps it's true then

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