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Anon becomes religions | /r/Greentext

Marcissus IN9EDLMFSKI 08/11/11(Thu)12:43 No.87673510 File1313080993.png-(9 KB, 288x350, 1310957042554 png) >walking down street >group of hot girls ahead on sidewalk >oh f--- >aspie overload >cross street to avoid social contact >they notice me crossing WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS >they giggle >f--- this Tl just pretend i live at this house go down random driveway >curtains shuffe *middle aged woman stars at me out the window >turn around fast 3 girls stood staring at me *this is their house >rapidly think of plan B *have you accepted jesus as your ford and saviour?
Marcissus IN9EDLMFSKI 08/11/11(Thu)12:43 No.87673510 File1313080993.png-(9 KB, 288x350, 1310957042554 png) >walking down street >group of hot girls ahead on sidewalk >oh f--- >aspie overload >cross street to avoid social contact >they notice me crossing WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS >they giggle >f--- this Tl just pretend i live at this house go down random driveway >curtains shuffe *middle aged woman stars at me out the window >turn around fast 3 girls stood staring at me *this is their house >rapidly think of plan B *have you accepted jesus as your ford and saviour?

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My mama says they were magic shoes. They could take me anywhere. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/31/21(Sun)23:01:29 No.59634322 >go for a jog >first time doing it >guy passes by me on a car and yells "RUN FORREST RUN" I'm never doing cardio again. F--- you, /fit/ 38 KB JPG
: Anonymous 01/31/21(Sun)23:01:29 No.59634322 >go for a jog >first time doing it >guy passes by me on a car and yells "RUN FORREST RUN" I'm never doing cardio again. F--- you, /fit/ 38 KB JPG

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Anon likes Hannibal Buress | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)02:40:55 No.846285476 >be me >at grandma's funeral >see eldest brother >total f------ tool >truly don't like the guy >walk up to him to talk a bit >instant regret 150 KB JPG >his wife comes a few seconds later >see she is pregnant >need to lighten up the mood >"looks like somebody just had sex" >say it like Hannibal Buress for some reason >"ok anon" >they walk away 7 years have passed and I still cringe about it
: Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)02:40:55 No.846285476 >be me >at grandma's funeral >see eldest brother >total f------ tool >truly don't like the guy >walk up to him to talk a bit >instant regret 150 KB JPG >his wife comes a few seconds later >see she is pregnant >need to lighten up the mood >"looks like somebody just had sex" >say it like Hannibal Buress for some reason >"ok anon" >they walk away 7 years have passed and I still cringe about it

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anon bullies a classmate | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/01/21(Mon)04:04:55 No.846266546 > Be 13 > Mother started beating and belittling me regularly since I was 11 > Be really depressed > Parents move me around every 117 KB JPG year because work > Emotional abuse gets worse > Stop trying to make friends > Kicked out of school because kids thought I was dangerous and I had no friends > Go to a s--- charter school > Am smart, put in a self-study math group > Group has maybe 5 people in it kind of like breakfast club > Pick on skinny white girl with red hair > Make fun of her SpongeBob t-shirt and say you look like you shop at Goodwill > Turns out she's a foster kid, and it was actually from Goodwill > Feelsbad, but double down because l'm self destructive > Everyone hates me, which was the goal >I get the space I wanted to feel safe to begin with > She's sobbing outside on her own >I go apologize > Explain I didn't really mean it, I just say things I tell myself from being abused and bullied > She understands and becomes my best friend > Gives me more kindness than any human ever has before > I turn into a broken mess that can't cope with passing on hatred anymore > School is garbage and shuts down and defunded > Girl hand stitches me a wallet out of denim with all the few resources she owns > Puts her photo in wallet with a hand written letter telling me to be strong and a better person > Says she will always be my friend no matter what > She relocates, I relocate > Never seen her again 100% true story. Now l'm 26 and always wondered what happened to her. Wish I could find her and catch up. I have a hard time feeling anything, but remembering her makes me cry sometimes. Still remember her name but couldn't find anything on my own.
: Anonymous 02/01/21(Mon)04:04:55 No.846266546 > Be 13 > Mother started beating and belittling me regularly since I was 11 > Be really depressed > Parents move me around every 117 KB JPG year because work > Emotional abuse gets worse > Stop trying to make friends > Kicked out of school because kids thought I was dangerous and I had no friends > Go to a s--- charter school > Am smart, put in a self-study math group > Group has maybe 5 people in it kind of like breakfast club > Pick on skinny white girl with red hair > Make fun of her SpongeBob t-shirt and say you look like you shop at Goodwill > Turns out she's a foster kid, and it was actually from Goodwill > Feelsbad, but double down because l'm self destructive > Everyone hates me, which was the goal >I get the space I wanted to feel safe to begin with > She's sobbing outside on her own >I go apologize > Explain I didn't really mean it, I just say things I tell myself from being abused and bullied > She understands and becomes my best friend > Gives me more kindness than any human ever has before > I turn into a broken mess that can't cope with passing on hatred anymore > School is garbage and shuts down and defunded > Girl hand stitches me a wallet out of denim with all the few resources she owns > Puts her photo in wallet with a hand written letter telling me to be strong and a better person > Says she will always be my friend no matter what > She relocates, I relocate > Never seen her again 100% true story. Now l'm 26 and always wondered what happened to her. Wish I could find her and catch up. I have a hard time feeling anything, but remembering her makes me cry sometimes. Still remember her name but couldn't find anything on my own.

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Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings thou has perfected praise | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/01/21(Mon)14:31:35 No.62131000 >Be me >15 >My friend group decides we are all gonna take turn giving each other compliments >My turn to compliment one of the girls 68 KB JPG >Can't think of anything to say >"Anon, its your turn" >Panic >Dumbidea.jpg >I say "You have a nice ass" >Everyone starts laughing >mfw she genuinely looks happy to have her ass complimented %3D >Mission succeeded I wish I still had that kind of confidence
: Anonymous 02/01/21(Mon)14:31:35 No.62131000 >Be me >15 >My friend group decides we are all gonna take turn giving each other compliments >My turn to compliment one of the girls 68 KB JPG >Can't think of anything to say >"Anon, its your turn" >Panic >Dumbidea.jpg >I say "You have a nice ass" >Everyone starts laughing >mfw she genuinely looks happy to have her ass complimented %3D >Mission succeeded I wish I still had that kind of confidence

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anon is a total loser who still lives at home with his parents at 24 haha | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/31/21(Sun)21:22:29 No.59633379 >>59633101 (OP) >be 24 >have sister who is 16 >has her friend over who is 8/10 blonde literally named Stacy >sitting right beside me on the couch >"Anon is it true steroids shrink your d---?" 257 KB PNG >I don't roid so I have no idea >"you should let me check yours to make sure you're okay" >grabs my benis >immediately stand up and go upstairs to my room Why are teenage grills like this? Is she trying to get me on a sexual predator list?
Anonymous 01/31/21(Sun)21:22:29 No.59633379 >>59633101 (OP) >be 24 >have sister who is 16 >has her friend over who is 8/10 blonde literally named Stacy >sitting right beside me on the couch >"Anon is it true steroids shrink your d---?" 257 KB PNG >I don't roid so I have no idea >"you should let me check yours to make sure you're okay" >grabs my benis >immediately stand up and go upstairs to my room Why are teenage grills like this? Is she trying to get me on a sexual predator list?

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Anon’s dreams are ruined | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/18/20(Tue)11:09:07 No.56795094 >be 11 yo f-- >live in a pretty small town >one day come to local tennis club with my dad >start to play in the kids tennis group >become one of the best there 36 KB PNG >actually enjoy the game >less and less kids come to sessions >after like 2 years there is only me >was the only 10-14 yo group in the club >because small town the only other groups are either small 7-10 babys or 16+ professional athletes >get put in the little kids group >no challenge at all >dont even try or pay attention half the time >give up and stopped coming to the club after a month of this f--- i couldve been a tennis god super chad but now im a shitheaded overwight virgin what a f------ joke of a life Viow Thread
: Anonymous 02/18/20(Tue)11:09:07 No.56795094 >be 11 yo f-- >live in a pretty small town >one day come to local tennis club with my dad >start to play in the kids tennis group >become one of the best there 36 KB PNG >actually enjoy the game >less and less kids come to sessions >after like 2 years there is only me >was the only 10-14 yo group in the club >because small town the only other groups are either small 7-10 babys or 16+ professional athletes >get put in the little kids group >no challenge at all >dont even try or pay attention half the time >give up and stopped coming to the club after a month of this f--- i couldve been a tennis god super chad but now im a shitheaded overwight virgin what a f------ joke of a life Viow Thread

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Thanks /b/ | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/01/21 (Mon)17:07:45 No.846283863 Not 4chan related, but it happened during high school over normie social media. >be me >15 >2012-ish 259 KB JPG >from deep south, living in a rural town with a population of ~6,500 >highschool administration is retarded about social media >one day, a big fight broke out between a bunch of white kids at a football game >fight is recorded from multiple different angles by over a dozen bystanders >videos are unironically funny, lots of great meme potential >knew how to use Sony Vegas so I create a "supercut" video with whacky sound effects, music, etc >upload it to a throwaway youtube account behind a VPN and share link with only 2 close friends >next day, my supercut is everywhere being shared all over facebook and twitter >literal d------- students are commenting on YT accounts with their real names (this was during the Google+ integration) >video was downloaded, compressed, and re-uploaded to facebook and being shared >the f------ school board has taken notice >that day, the school calls literally the entire 8th, 9th, and 10th grades to an emergency assembly in the gym >the principal and the 4 vice principals are there >so are the police >they have a projector >they have screenshots of all commenters, shares, etc on FB and YT >those who were seen in the sideshow were told to come up and apologize for using social media some were literally crying >these students, as well as those on a list they created based on what they saw on social media were automatically suspended for 6 months >students who had a prior infraction history were expelled >they were also targeting students who simply had it posted on their Facebook profiles by other students >some kids never even knew about the video or watched it were suspended/expelled >over 400 kids suspended or expelled that day >parents and students were p----- that's not even the best part >THE SCHOOL PUT OUT A LITERAL BOUNTY ON THE KID WHO MADE THE SUPERCUT VIDEO >bounty reward was a "revocation of infraction" + a $10 Sonic gift card
: Anonymous 02/01/21 (Mon)17:07:45 No.846283863 Not 4chan related, but it happened during high school over normie social media. >be me >15 >2012-ish 259 KB JPG >from deep south, living in a rural town with a population of ~6,500 >highschool administration is retarded about social media >one day, a big fight broke out between a bunch of white kids at a football game >fight is recorded from multiple different angles by over a dozen bystanders >videos are unironically funny, lots of great meme potential >knew how to use Sony Vegas so I create a "supercut" video with whacky sound effects, music, etc >upload it to a throwaway youtube account behind a VPN and share link with only 2 close friends >next day, my supercut is everywhere being shared all over facebook and twitter >literal d------- students are commenting on YT accounts with their real names (this was during the Google+ integration) >video was downloaded, compressed, and re-uploaded to facebook and being shared >the f------ school board has taken notice >that day, the school calls literally the entire 8th, 9th, and 10th grades to an emergency assembly in the gym >the principal and the 4 vice principals are there >so are the police >they have a projector >they have screenshots of all commenters, shares, etc on FB and YT >those who were seen in the sideshow were told to come up and apologize for using social media some were literally crying >these students, as well as those on a list they created based on what they saw on social media were automatically suspended for 6 months >students who had a prior infraction history were expelled >they were also targeting students who simply had it posted on their Facebook profiles by other students >some kids never even knew about the video or watched it were suspended/expelled >over 400 kids suspended or expelled that day >parents and students were p----- that's not even the best part >THE SCHOOL PUT OUT A LITERAL BOUNTY ON THE KID WHO MADE THE SUPERCUT VIDEO >bounty reward was a "revocation of infraction" + a $10 Sonic gift card

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anon is a gamer | /r/Greentext

: Anon professional gamer 02/01/21(Mon)12:01:36 No.542673565 > be me > 12 years old > what do you want to be when you grow up anon? > i like video games > that's a hobby not a career anon > fast fwd 10 years 29 KB JPG > twitch gamers make more than my desk job butyousaid.jpg > pandemic begins outside > anon you no longer need to report to the office. pls work from home lennyface.txt > be wednesday >i could finalize this report or I could prestige in warzone > set Skype to Active play 8 games in 6 hours > clock out for dinner at 5pm > that's $14 a game > mfw i am professional gamer
: Anon professional gamer 02/01/21(Mon)12:01:36 No.542673565 > be me > 12 years old > what do you want to be when you grow up anon? > i like video games > that's a hobby not a career anon > fast fwd 10 years 29 KB JPG > twitch gamers make more than my desk job butyousaid.jpg > pandemic begins outside > anon you no longer need to report to the office. pls work from home lennyface.txt > be wednesday >i could finalize this report or I could prestige in warzone > set Skype to Active play 8 games in 6 hours > clock out for dinner at 5pm > that's $14 a game > mfw i am professional gamer

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anon is a hero | /r/Greentext

File: 1469861719194.jpg (38 KB, 480x480) Anonymous 08/02/16(Tue)20:16:07 No.697692183 >Be my >Be My with web-hand throughout the city shooting >Hot girl look to be robbed >Go to help him >Punch roobers in faceface >Bam >Boom >Poo >Go to virgin women >"why help me you" she speak >"because spoodermoon" >Get mouth kiss >Her chest edges are super difficult >Launch my pennis >Yes it sucks for my spooder >Peanut in her throat >With the best night had Image fagmiliar.
File: 1469861719194.jpg (38 KB, 480x480) Anonymous 08/02/16(Tue)20:16:07 No.697692183 >Be my >Be My with web-hand throughout the city shooting >Hot girl look to be robbed >Go to help him >Punch roobers in faceface >Bam >Boom >Poo >Go to virgin women >"why help me you" she speak >"because spoodermoon" >Get mouth kiss >Her chest edges are super difficult >Launch my pennis >Yes it sucks for my spooder >Peanut in her throat >With the best night had Image fagmiliar.

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Anon receives a gift | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/16/20(Sun)13:30:38 No.820823558 You come home from a crappy day of work. You unlock your door, only to see Elon standing in your living room. There's a large cardboard box next to him. >"Hey, Anon-kun. Sometimes life is full of hardships. You're a good friend, so I 155 KB JPG thought you should have this. Enjoy, buddy." He walks to you and briefly places his hand on your shoulder before taking his leave. There's a noise heard coming from inside the box. >"Nyan?"
: Anonymous 02/16/20(Sun)13:30:38 No.820823558 You come home from a crappy day of work. You unlock your door, only to see Elon standing in your living room. There's a large cardboard box next to him. >"Hey, Anon-kun. Sometimes life is full of hardships. You're a good friend, so I 155 KB JPG thought you should have this. Enjoy, buddy." He walks to you and briefly places his hand on your shoulder before taking his leave. There's a noise heard coming from inside the box. >"Nyan?"

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Anon is a chad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/12/18(Thu)14:54:55 >never ask anyone out >never get rejected >basically irresistible haha who's the chad now 5 KB JPG
: Anonymous 07/12/18(Thu)14:54:55 >never ask anyone out >never get rejected >basically irresistible haha who's the chad now 5 KB JPG

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I am region | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/01/21(Mon)04:01:53 No.62124823 >be me >system administrator >know my way around >know how to hack things >hacking is against the law >want to get into people's cloud- YOU HAVE BEEN HАСКЕD ! 71 KB JPG based accounts >have usernames >know of a security loophole >use a password app >leak nudes from the cloud >should've used "pa$sword" instead of "password", f------ >should've encrypted the files I am the hacker known as 4chan.
: Anonymous 02/01/21(Mon)04:01:53 No.62124823 >be me >system administrator >know my way around >know how to hack things >hacking is against the law >want to get into people's cloud- YOU HAVE BEEN HАСКЕD ! 71 KB JPG based accounts >have usernames >know of a security loophole >use a password app >leak nudes from the cloud >should've used "pa$sword" instead of "password", f------ >should've encrypted the files I am the hacker known as 4chan.

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Anon eats his piglets | /r/Greentext


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Anon with his nephew | /r/Greentext


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Push in the Bush | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/01/21(Mon)04:14:22 No.62124898 >eats beans BUSH'S >enjoys beans BEST Original BAKED BEANS 39 KB JPG
: Anonymous 02/01/21(Mon)04:14:22 No.62124898 >eats beans BUSH'S >enjoys beans BEST Original BAKED BEANS 39 KB JPG

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Anon on pompeii | /r/Greentext

Embracing figures at Pompeii 'could have been gay lovers', after scan reveals they are both men f share CD040683-728B-46E2-9C39-6152B03FE828.png 1.67 MB PNG >be me >drinking wine with best bro >served 10 years in army together >saved my life once >named my son after the guy >mountain f------ explodes >find house and hide for shelter >give each other one last bro hug >ash burys us both >1900 years later get found >lol gay bois
Embracing figures at Pompeii 'could have been gay lovers', after scan reveals they are both men f share CD040683-728B-46E2-9C39-6152B03FE828.png 1.67 MB PNG >be me >drinking wine with best bro >served 10 years in army together >saved my life once >named my son after the guy >mountain f------ explodes >find house and hide for shelter >give each other one last bro hug >ash burys us both >1900 years later get found >lol gay bois

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Anon needs some serious help | /r/Greentext

>> Anonymous 01/31/21(Sun)22:58:27 No.62116640 File: 1611185559356.gif (331 KB, 112x112) >masturbated to my dad's playboys >some of the pages were stuck together >would lay on floor of shower and use spray nozzle attachment on my p---- >would do this when I had to piss >made up that I was on a gameshow where I wasn't allowed to piss while being tortured until I came >probably like 11 or 12? no idea where I got that from >let flies land on my vagina while watching tiny toons at my grandma's house, found it erotic >f----- myself with a carrot in the shower and my mom found it and confronted me over it 100% true and honest content
>> Anonymous 01/31/21(Sun)22:58:27 No.62116640 File: 1611185559356.gif (331 KB, 112x112) >masturbated to my dad's playboys >some of the pages were stuck together >would lay on floor of shower and use spray nozzle attachment on my p---- >would do this when I had to piss >made up that I was on a gameshow where I wasn't allowed to piss while being tortured until I came >probably like 11 or 12? no idea where I got that from >let flies land on my vagina while watching tiny toons at my grandma's house, found it erotic >f----- myself with a carrot in the shower and my mom found it and confronted me over it 100% true and honest content

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Anon works at a grocery store | /r/Greentext

File: 354.png (64 KB, 657x527) Anonymous 01/30/21(Sat)16:39:22 No.62101785 ► >>62101797 work story >wagecuck at grocery store >middle aged women wants to buy a pack of beer >ask to see ID "oh I don't have one" >it's ok then, you look old enough >she looks visibly p----- >found out later that I got a customer complaint >pretty sure it was her how was this my fault? >> Anonymous 01/30/21(Sat)16:40:30 No.62101797 >>62101785 (OP) Do you have Aspergers syndrome opee? Sounds like it.
File: 354.png (64 KB, 657x527) Anonymous 01/30/21(Sat)16:39:22 No.62101785 ► >>62101797 work story >wagecuck at grocery store >middle aged women wants to buy a pack of beer >ask to see ID "oh I don't have one" >it's ok then, you look old enough >she looks visibly p----- >found out later that I got a customer complaint >pretty sure it was her how was this my fault? >> Anonymous 01/30/21(Sat)16:40:30 No.62101797 >>62101785 (OP) Do you have Aspergers syndrome opee? Sounds like it.

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Anon talks politics with gf | /r/Greentext

Talking politics with women 01/31/21(Sun)17:38:50 No.30597609 >gf really supports BLM and other such b------- >social media posts, going to rallies, etc >typical young white woman >I love her so I always avoid sensitive subjects >yesterday she starts bugging me a lot 345 KB PNG about it >"ahh, I'm just skeptical about these kinds of things" >I keep trying to deflect and disengage >l'm too autistic, don't want to show her my powerlevel >she won't drop it, being very persistent >"ahh you know these things are really complicated, I try not to get involved haha" >"Anon I want to talk about this!" >she's getting kind of mad >ohfuck >there's no escape >"uhh how about we give each other five minutes of uninterrupted time to share our opinions?" >she loves the idea, sits at the table >she gives me some paper to take notes, set a timer for five minutes on her phone >starts rattling off about institutional racism, collective white guilt, reparations >"Anon, white silence is violence!" >l write down some b------- to appear respectful and attentive >it's my turn now >mytimehascome.png >going to be as delicate as possible >spend about a minute agreeing that black people are f----- in America >she's nodding >so far so good >time to pivot >bring up racial correlations with IQ >start citing crime statistics >"The greatest threat to Americans is black criminals" >"This isn't even Canada's problem, let them deal with it" >basically saying that blacks are stupid and violent in the nicest way possible >gf starts crying >*pause my time* >"babe what's wrong?" >"w-- Anon are you actually this racist???" >oh f--- >"N-no I just think we need to look at all the angles!" >gf breaks down >yells at me and calls me a horrible person >st laying on the table crying into her elbow >Spaghetti Hawk Down >"b-baby, come on now- please" >no answer >"I don't know how to make this better right now so I'm just going to go" >stop at dominos on the way home >eat pizza alone in the dark Never EVER talk about politics with your gf, bros
Talking politics with women 01/31/21(Sun)17:38:50 No.30597609 >gf really supports BLM and other such b------- >social media posts, going to rallies, etc >typical young white woman >I love her so I always avoid sensitive subjects >yesterday she starts bugging me a lot 345 KB PNG about it >"ahh, I'm just skeptical about these kinds of things" >I keep trying to deflect and disengage >l'm too autistic, don't want to show her my powerlevel >she won't drop it, being very persistent >"ahh you know these things are really complicated, I try not to get involved haha" >"Anon I want to talk about this!" >she's getting kind of mad >ohfuck >there's no escape >"uhh how about we give each other five minutes of uninterrupted time to share our opinions?" >she loves the idea, sits at the table >she gives me some paper to take notes, set a timer for five minutes on her phone >starts rattling off about institutional racism, collective white guilt, reparations >"Anon, white silence is violence!" >l write down some b------- to appear respectful and attentive >it's my turn now >mytimehascome.png >going to be as delicate as possible >spend about a minute agreeing that black people are f----- in America >she's nodding >so far so good >time to pivot >bring up racial correlations with IQ >start citing crime statistics >"The greatest threat to Americans is black criminals" >"This isn't even Canada's problem, let them deal with it" >basically saying that blacks are stupid and violent in the nicest way possible >gf starts crying >*pause my time* >"babe what's wrong?" >"w-- Anon are you actually this racist???" >oh f--- >"N-no I just think we need to look at all the angles!" >gf breaks down >yells at me and calls me a horrible person >st laying on the table crying into her elbow >Spaghetti Hawk Down >"b-baby, come on now- please" >no answer >"I don't know how to make this better right now so I'm just going to go" >stop at dominos on the way home >eat pizza alone in the dark Never EVER talk about politics with your gf, bros

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