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Anon kills a hamster | /r/Greentext

>>34905987 (OP) # > Be 9 year old me > Get a paratrooper Action Man with parachute > Tie parachute to family hamster > Drop it from the 4th floor > Watch the hamster crash on the 109 KB JPG ground > Old lady nearby starts to scream in horror > SonlAmDisappoint.png > Too much of a p---- to get downstairs to retrieve the corpse > Mom gets home, finds the dead hamster and scolds me > Remember my dad laughing his ass off when she told him what I did in the evening
>>34905987 (OP) # > Be 9 year old me > Get a paratrooper Action Man with parachute > Tie parachute to family hamster > Drop it from the 4th floor > Watch the hamster crash on the 109 KB JPG ground > Old lady nearby starts to scream in horror > SonlAmDisappoint.png > Too much of a p---- to get downstairs to retrieve the corpse > Mom gets home, finds the dead hamster and scolds me > Remember my dad laughing his ass off when she told him what I did in the evening

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Anon likes rocks | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/27/19(Sat)00:31:16 No.798335037 >be me >have a pretty s-----, boring day >feels sucky >go home >look at rock and mineral collection 23 KB JPG >feel happier instantly Thank you rock and mineral collection
: Anonymous 04/27/19(Sat)00:31:16 No.798335037 >be me >have a pretty s-----, boring day >feels sucky >go home >look at rock and mineral collection 23 KB JPG >feel happier instantly Thank you rock and mineral collection

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Every fucking time | /r/Greentext

File: banana pepe.png (191 KB, 610x435) Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)02:32:07 No.845843622 >be me >19 year old white guy >just started university >theres this qt in one of my classes >i talk to her a little bit >she asks me to come over to her place >at first we have some snacks and talk but then we make out >its so good >then all of a sudden she says something >"hey anon i have to tell you a little secret" say ok what is it >she gets up, pulls down her pants and aims her a------ towards me >im too stunned to say anything >then after a second of silence a r--- dwarf launches out of her a------ and latches onto my face >should have known >the r--- dwarf starts jerking its 4 foot c--- >i grab its c--- and start swinging it around like a lasso >i open the window and throw it out onto the street >immediately gets hit by a truck >crisis averted >look back at the girl >shes a pile of ash >damn r--- dwarves >stay safe anons.
File: banana pepe.png (191 KB, 610x435) Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)02:32:07 No.845843622 >be me >19 year old white guy >just started university >theres this qt in one of my classes >i talk to her a little bit >she asks me to come over to her place >at first we have some snacks and talk but then we make out >its so good >then all of a sudden she says something >"hey anon i have to tell you a little secret" say ok what is it >she gets up, pulls down her pants and aims her a------ towards me >im too stunned to say anything >then after a second of silence a r--- dwarf launches out of her a------ and latches onto my face >should have known >the r--- dwarf starts jerking its 4 foot c--- >i grab its c--- and start swinging it around like a lasso >i open the window and throw it out onto the street >immediately gets hit by a truck >crisis averted >look back at the girl >shes a pile of ash >damn r--- dwarves >stay safe anons.

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Anon has a cool dad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/26/21(Tue)23:07:02 No.845857208 >"Hey dad have you received a stimulus check yet?" >"No." >"Why?" >"Because I haven't payed taxes in 4 years." I love him 219 KB JPG
: Anonymous 01/26/21(Tue)23:07:02 No.845857208 >"Hey dad have you received a stimulus check yet?" >"No." >"Why?" >"Because I haven't payed taxes in 4 years." I love him 219 KB JPG

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Welcome back anon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/26/21(Tue)22:03:20 No.845849858 >be me >be 15, in high school >visit 4chan daily during school >find out about reddit >"wow this site has everything i liked from 4chan and more" 49 KB PNG >"wow there's these voting and subreddit systems, what a cool organized place" >stop going on 4chan, go on reddit every day instead >start hating on 4chan saying reddit is better in every way >this continues for years >be me, almost 24 now >i see the same s--- on reddit every day >the same f------ comments, the same reposts >thanks for the gold kind stranger >find myself getting annoyed or straight up angry every time i go on reddit now >find myself writing "this website f------ sucks now" comments in threads >realize reddit f------ sucks, subreddits are hiveminds and the voting system is meaningless >come back to 4chan >this is my first post here since i was 16 >circle of life It feels good to be back, /b/. Now f------ kill yourself thanks 6 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 01/26/21(Tue)22:03:20 No.845849858 >be me >be 15, in high school >visit 4chan daily during school >find out about reddit >"wow this site has everything i liked from 4chan and more" 49 KB PNG >"wow there's these voting and subreddit systems, what a cool organized place" >stop going on 4chan, go on reddit every day instead >start hating on 4chan saying reddit is better in every way >this continues for years >be me, almost 24 now >i see the same s--- on reddit every day >the same f------ comments, the same reposts >thanks for the gold kind stranger >find myself getting annoyed or straight up angry every time i go on reddit now >find myself writing "this website f------ sucks now" comments in threads >realize reddit f------ sucks, subreddits are hiveminds and the voting system is meaningless >come back to 4chan >this is my first post here since i was 16 >circle of life It feels good to be back, /b/. Now f------ kill yourself thanks 6 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon the inventor | /r/Greentext

File : 1275508368.jpg-(12 KB, 200x181, farnsworth.jpg) Anonymous 06/02/10(Wed)15:52:48 No.234966XXX Good news everyone! I've invented a machine that >makes you read the second line in a different voice. Anonymous 06/02/10(Wed)15:54:10 No.234966XXX FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU Anonymous 06/02/10(Wed)15:54:25 No.234966XXX File1275508465.jpg-(3 KB, 122x126, 1258246406155s.jpg) >> Anonymous 06/02/10(Wed)15:55:46 No.234967XXX omg i dont even know whose vice that second line was. f----- waaaaaat! >> Anonymous 06/02/10(Wed)15:55:50 No.234967XXX FUบบบบบบบบบบบบบบบบบบบบ >> Anonymous 06/02/10(Wed)15:56:14 No.234967XXX File 1275508574.png-(146 KB, 286x263, gouu.png) >> Anonymous 06/02/10(Wed)15:56:18 No.234967XXX FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
File : 1275508368.jpg-(12 KB, 200x181, farnsworth.jpg) Anonymous 06/02/10(Wed)15:52:48 No.234966XXX Good news everyone! I've invented a machine that >makes you read the second line in a different voice. Anonymous 06/02/10(Wed)15:54:10 No.234966XXX FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU Anonymous 06/02/10(Wed)15:54:25 No.234966XXX File1275508465.jpg-(3 KB, 122x126, 1258246406155s.jpg) >> Anonymous 06/02/10(Wed)15:55:46 No.234967XXX omg i dont even know whose vice that second line was. f----- waaaaaat! >> Anonymous 06/02/10(Wed)15:55:50 No.234967XXX FUบบบบบบบบบบบบบบบบบบบบ >> Anonymous 06/02/10(Wed)15:56:14 No.234967XXX File 1275508574.png-(146 KB, 286x263, gouu.png) >> Anonymous 06/02/10(Wed)15:56:18 No.234967XXX FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

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Anon fingers himself | /r/Greentext


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Anon gets drunk at home | /r/Greentext


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Anon goes to Africa | /r/Greentext


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Anon's gonna fight em off | /r/Greentext


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Anon has lucid dreams | /r/Greentext

>read a thread on a ritual that supposedly allows you to lucid dream >attempt it >it actually works >l can lucid dream 56 KB JPG >all I have to do is say something and it happens >if I say "I can fly" I can fly >if I were to say “I used to be President" | immediately flashback to my time in office >other characters appear in my dream >they start having flashbacks of their own >l can't control them >l have to stick to the script until their flashbacks are over >Peter Griffin is a character in my dreams >l have no power over him >every time he has a flashback I'm force to play along >every night I'm trapped in an episode of Family Guy >become terrified of sleeping >eventually my body caves and I fall asleep >every night I'm subjected to a hellscape of pop culture references and poop jokes
>read a thread on a ritual that supposedly allows you to lucid dream >attempt it >it actually works >l can lucid dream 56 KB JPG >all I have to do is say something and it happens >if I say "I can fly" I can fly >if I were to say “I used to be President" | immediately flashback to my time in office >other characters appear in my dream >they start having flashbacks of their own >l can't control them >l have to stick to the script until their flashbacks are over >Peter Griffin is a character in my dreams >l have no power over him >every time he has a flashback I'm force to play along >every night I'm trapped in an episode of Family Guy >become terrified of sleeping >eventually my body caves and I fall asleep >every night I'm subjected to a hellscape of pop culture references and poop jokes

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Anon loses his family | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/13/17(Thu)23:08:41 No.738807804 >be me >riding my motorcycle >get hit by a car >damn it hurts but I walk it off >the girl that hit me is hammered >call 911 because she has a 60 KB JPG massive gash on her head >she's off to the ambulance >after the crash we get to know each other >she's tall, blonde and cute >we begin to date after 6 months of talking >3 years later >got married and my wife just got pregnant. We have a house on the bottom of a beautiful hill >reminds me of Bliss >kek >1 year later >my 3 month old son is growing so fast. >drive him to the doctor's office for a checkup >turn left >a car heading towards me >l swerve out of the way holding my son >l wake up in a hospital >I had gotten into a motorcycle crash 3 weeks ago >but wasn't In a car? >been in a coma the whole time >l ask what happened to the driver >she died I want my family back.
: Anonymous 07/13/17(Thu)23:08:41 No.738807804 >be me >riding my motorcycle >get hit by a car >damn it hurts but I walk it off >the girl that hit me is hammered >call 911 because she has a 60 KB JPG massive gash on her head >she's off to the ambulance >after the crash we get to know each other >she's tall, blonde and cute >we begin to date after 6 months of talking >3 years later >got married and my wife just got pregnant. We have a house on the bottom of a beautiful hill >reminds me of Bliss >kek >1 year later >my 3 month old son is growing so fast. >drive him to the doctor's office for a checkup >turn left >a car heading towards me >l swerve out of the way holding my son >l wake up in a hospital >I had gotten into a motorcycle crash 3 weeks ago >but wasn't In a car? >been in a coma the whole time >l ask what happened to the driver >she died I want my family back.

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Anon’s friend was a racecar driver | /r/Greentext

>be me >cruising through town one day, clearing my mind >driving towards my friend Jerry's place >decide to stop by >his 442 is in the driveway, 143 KB JPG completely f------ destroyed >concern.jpg >get out of my car and take a closer look at his car >nothing more than sheetmetal and bolts now >l can only tell it's his car because of the Bocephus sticker he had on it >his wife comes out, crying >"anon... it's Jerry... he..." >My heart sinks, I know exactly what she's about to say >"he had to many cold beers one night and... he wrapped himself around a telephone pole" >jerry was a racecar driver >he drove so god damn fast >never won no checkered flags but never did come in last >godspeed, you glorious f-----
>be me >cruising through town one day, clearing my mind >driving towards my friend Jerry's place >decide to stop by >his 442 is in the driveway, 143 KB JPG completely f------ destroyed >concern.jpg >get out of my car and take a closer look at his car >nothing more than sheetmetal and bolts now >l can only tell it's his car because of the Bocephus sticker he had on it >his wife comes out, crying >"anon... it's Jerry... he..." >My heart sinks, I know exactly what she's about to say >"he had to many cold beers one night and... he wrapped himself around a telephone pole" >jerry was a racecar driver >he drove so god damn fast >never won no checkered flags but never did come in last >godspeed, you glorious f-----

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Anon Swallows The Red Pill And Loses Everyone He Held Close | /r/Greentext

1:23 1 l LTE I A boards.4chan.org : Anonymous (ID: OnvDzb0E Turned 30 a couple days ago. N(...) 01/25/21(Mon)23:42:28 No.305114337 >be me >pursue career in cutting-edge tech >get job with contractor making just under $100k as a starting salary >move to lefty state to work >after 6 months of enjoying the job and environment greatly, buy a house >girlfriend of 3 years gets washed, breaks up with me (unironically) because I watched Joe Rogan at the time 1.32 MB GIF and she thought I was turning "far-right". >she dumps me and moves out right after we move to this new city. >COVID hits >working from home for 8 months in a new city >can't go out and make friends >a few months ago I defend some local rando on jewbook while he's making a claim that nationalism =/= racism. >my two childhood best friends remove me without a word, have been ignoring me since then. >find out ex is still in the city we moved to, just got engaged to some handsome lefty c--- >family falling apart because of political garbage. my 80 year old parents are suddenly cut off from seeing their grandkids because my sister-in-law told them "grandma and grandpa support terrorism" or some s---. >MFW I turned 30 two days ago and I have less friends than I've ever had, and less romantic prospects than I've ever had, and I'm stuck in a city I don't know with a house I just purchased, all the while trying to float my boomer parents depression because I'm the only one willing to talk to them. Comment too long. Click here to view the full text. 92 Replies / 14 Images View Thread
1:23 1 l LTE I A boards.4chan.org : Anonymous (ID: OnvDzb0E Turned 30 a couple days ago. N(...) 01/25/21(Mon)23:42:28 No.305114337 >be me >pursue career in cutting-edge tech >get job with contractor making just under $100k as a starting salary >move to lefty state to work >after 6 months of enjoying the job and environment greatly, buy a house >girlfriend of 3 years gets washed, breaks up with me (unironically) because I watched Joe Rogan at the time 1.32 MB GIF and she thought I was turning "far-right". >she dumps me and moves out right after we move to this new city. >COVID hits >working from home for 8 months in a new city >can't go out and make friends >a few months ago I defend some local rando on jewbook while he's making a claim that nationalism =/= racism. >my two childhood best friends remove me without a word, have been ignoring me since then. >find out ex is still in the city we moved to, just got engaged to some handsome lefty c--- >family falling apart because of political garbage. my 80 year old parents are suddenly cut off from seeing their grandkids because my sister-in-law told them "grandma and grandpa support terrorism" or some s---. >MFW I turned 30 two days ago and I have less friends than I've ever had, and less romantic prospects than I've ever had, and I'm stuck in a city I don't know with a house I just purchased, all the while trying to float my boomer parents depression because I'm the only one willing to talk to them. Comment too long. Click here to view the full text. 92 Replies / 14 Images View Thread

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Grug's Rock Coin | /r/Greentext

File: thinking.jpg (20 KB, 353x400) O Anonymous 01/26/21(Tue)01:41:34 No.845780548 [Reply] ► >be I grug >go to stone market >invest in rock coin >rock coin no go up >sell rock coin >5 winter later rock coin up >lose stones >ladybunga not unga with grunga >what do
File: thinking.jpg (20 KB, 353x400) O Anonymous 01/26/21(Tue)01:41:34 No.845780548 [Reply] ► >be I grug >go to stone market >invest in rock coin >rock coin no go up >sell rock coin >5 winter later rock coin up >lose stones >ladybunga not unga with grunga >what do

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Anon buys burgers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/02/17(Fri)21:42:54 No.9005626 nuggets.jpg 478 KB JPG What is your largest fast food order? : Anonymous 06/03/17(Sat)00:25:47 No.9006160 >>9005626 (OP) i was in the phillipines and ordered 30 yum burgers from jollibees because they were so cheap my action caused a huge scene because i was in a remote city that rarely sees white people, and the magnitude of burgers i ordered >>9006183 # 229006205 # : Anonymous 06/03/17(Sat)00:45:01 No.9006205 >>9006160 >Never see a white person in all 35 years of your life >Hear stories about how much they eat >Think that impossible, nobody could stomach that much! >One day, skinny white man arrives >Astounding! >What a novelty! >But surely the rumors must be false, see how thin he is >Follow him into local Jollibees to confirm >He orders 30 f------ burgers >3 f------ 0 >Go home to wife >Tell her we must sell everything >Need to open hotdog stand in America >We will be fabulously wealthy
: Anonymous 06/02/17(Fri)21:42:54 No.9005626 nuggets.jpg 478 KB JPG What is your largest fast food order? : Anonymous 06/03/17(Sat)00:25:47 No.9006160 >>9005626 (OP) i was in the phillipines and ordered 30 yum burgers from jollibees because they were so cheap my action caused a huge scene because i was in a remote city that rarely sees white people, and the magnitude of burgers i ordered >>9006183 # 229006205 # : Anonymous 06/03/17(Sat)00:45:01 No.9006205 >>9006160 >Never see a white person in all 35 years of your life >Hear stories about how much they eat >Think that impossible, nobody could stomach that much! >One day, skinny white man arrives >Astounding! >What a novelty! >But surely the rumors must be false, see how thin he is >Follow him into local Jollibees to confirm >He orders 30 f------ burgers >3 f------ 0 >Go home to wife >Tell her we must sell everything >Need to open hotdog stand in America >We will be fabulously wealthy

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Anon is indian | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/21/20(Tue)21:13:24 No.56381850 >be indian >get my designated wife by 25 despite being a loser 124 KB PNG
: Anonymous 01/21/20(Tue)21:13:24 No.56381850 >be indian >get my designated wife by 25 despite being a loser 124 KB PNG

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Anon finds true love | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/26/21(Tue)18:22:13 No.845811739 >be me >depressed.txt >buy cute Dog >happy.wave Was it that easy all along frens? 28 KB JPG : Anonymous 01/26/21(Tue)18:25:46 No.845811957 >>845811739 (OP) # Loving something with all of your heart, and allowing it to be whatever it is, even death cannot delete that.
: Anonymous 01/26/21(Tue)18:22:13 No.845811739 >be me >depressed.txt >buy cute Dog >happy.wave Was it that easy all along frens? 28 KB JPG : Anonymous 01/26/21(Tue)18:25:46 No.845811957 >>845811739 (OP) # Loving something with all of your heart, and allowing it to be whatever it is, even death cannot delete that.

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Anon checks his neighbors mail | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/25/21(Mon)23:22:13 No.845779398 >Be horny >Nobody home, 5 am >Decides to be a little risky >Goes outside, starts rubbing one out on the front lawn >Pitch black, not a soul around 7 KB JPG >Spots neighbours door letterbox, half open, leaflet inside >Contemplates, f--- it >Crosses my lawn into theres >Furiously masturbating, looking around for any signs of life >Coast is clear, c-- shoots through the door hole >Post nut clarity, runs back inside
: Anonymous 01/25/21(Mon)23:22:13 No.845779398 >Be horny >Nobody home, 5 am >Decides to be a little risky >Goes outside, starts rubbing one out on the front lawn >Pitch black, not a soul around 7 KB JPG >Spots neighbours door letterbox, half open, leaflet inside >Contemplates, f--- it >Crosses my lawn into theres >Furiously masturbating, looking around for any signs of life >Coast is clear, c-- shoots through the door hole >Post nut clarity, runs back inside

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Anon uses GIMP | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/05/16(Wed)22:53:29 No.56933906 >using linux in front of class mates >teacher says "ok students, now open photoshop" >start furiously typing away at terminal to install Wine >Errors out the ass 88 KB JPG >Everyone else has already started their classwork >I start to sweat >Install GIMP >"Umm..what the f--- is THAT anon?" a girl next to me asks >I tell her its GIMP and can do everything that photoshop does and IT'S FREE! >"Ok class, now draw use the shape tool to draw a circle!" the teacher says >l f------ break down and cry and run out of the class >I get beat up in the parking lot after school >>56933921 # >>56933980 # >>56934022 # >>56934086 #
: Anonymous 10/05/16(Wed)22:53:29 No.56933906 >using linux in front of class mates >teacher says "ok students, now open photoshop" >start furiously typing away at terminal to install Wine >Errors out the ass 88 KB JPG >Everyone else has already started their classwork >I start to sweat >Install GIMP >"Umm..what the f--- is THAT anon?" a girl next to me asks >I tell her its GIMP and can do everything that photoshop does and IT'S FREE! >"Ok class, now draw use the shape tool to draw a circle!" the teacher says >l f------ break down and cry and run out of the class >I get beat up in the parking lot after school >>56933921 # >>56933980 # >>56934022 # >>56934086 #

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