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Anon Fucks Up | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 01/22/21(Fri)20:48:05 No.845518188 v >>845518306 >8 Guys I might have f----- up >Be me >6 months ago >finally get a stable job at mcdonalds >4 days ago, old guy come through drive through >When he pays, I can see his name on the card >ldea.jpeg >"How's your evening going, Mr. (Last name) >"It's been ok, how did you know my name" >Didn't expect this, autism kicks in >"You should lock your door at night" >He drives away >l got fired today. Why does this always happen to me?
O Anonymous 01/22/21(Fri)20:48:05 No.845518188 v >>845518306 >8 Guys I might have f----- up >Be me >6 months ago >finally get a stable job at mcdonalds >4 days ago, old guy come through drive through >When he pays, I can see his name on the card >ldea.jpeg >"How's your evening going, Mr. (Last name) >"It's been ok, how did you know my name" >Didn't expect this, autism kicks in >"You should lock your door at night" >He drives away >l got fired today. Why does this always happen to me?

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anon sends the wrong image | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/22/21 (Fri)19:42:01 No.845509604 580ff668a840367b4d625eaaafb1814174ff88bbee5b968fbef4594 12 KB JPG >accidentally send mom d--- pic >she texts back 'fake and gay' >mfw mom still thinks thats a funny reply
: Anonymous 01/22/21 (Fri)19:42:01 No.845509604 580ff668a840367b4d625eaaafb1814174ff88bbee5b968fbef4594 12 KB JPG >accidentally send mom d--- pic >she texts back 'fake and gay' >mfw mom still thinks thats a funny reply

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Anons parents go to a party | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/07/19(Sun)13:28:51 No.53265142 The dwarf > Be me, home alone > parents arr at a party > midnight, hear someone come inside >I call out "how was the party?" > no response... > get a text from my mom saying they're staying the night at their 393 KB JPG friends house > oh f--- > hear something coming upstairs > It giggles > with each step I hear its c--- thump on the stairs The r--- dwarf is coming Help me anons
: Anonymous 07/07/19(Sun)13:28:51 No.53265142 The dwarf > Be me, home alone > parents arr at a party > midnight, hear someone come inside >I call out "how was the party?" > no response... > get a text from my mom saying they're staying the night at their 393 KB JPG friends house > oh f--- > hear something coming upstairs > It giggles > with each step I hear its c--- thump on the stairs The r--- dwarf is coming Help me anons

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Annon gets d sucked | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 51 minutes ago 43297510 >be me >c-- into toilet >flush >c-- gets to sewage >then to ocean >c-- in ocean >gets hot >evaporates >rain in russia >gets bottled >sold >qt3.14 drinks it >technically sucked my d--- Later, virgins 2 REPLIES
Anonymous 51 minutes ago 43297510 >be me >c-- into toilet >flush >c-- gets to sewage >then to ocean >c-- in ocean >gets hot >evaporates >rain in russia >gets bottled >sold >qt3.14 drinks it >technically sucked my d--- Later, virgins 2 REPLIES

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Anon takes risks | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/22/21(Fri)10:31:59 No.845480656 >was in a rush to the office >tummy did a rumbly >decide I don't need to worry about it or stop >get stuck in traffic on way to office >3 car accident up stopping traffic completely 60 KB JPG >tummy does another rumbly >feel cold chills in my stomach >realize I have to diarrhea s--- >start to squeeze my butthole with all my might >traffic starts moving >finally >holding on for dear life >already late can't stop need to s--- at office >get to office >sweating >panic >fear >rush myself into the restroom >someone's in the toilet >absolute emergency >check women's bathroom >occupied >f--- l'm out of options >decide to s--- it mens urinal >it's my last hope >start rocket blasting the urinal with forces unknown to man >companies owner walks out of bathroom stall and looks at me >just keeps walking doesn't say a word >doesn't even wash his hands >finish up >enter office with shame >manager calls me in >sends me home said he'll call me later >pretty sure I just lost my job for s------- in a urinal
: Anonymous 01/22/21(Fri)10:31:59 No.845480656 >was in a rush to the office >tummy did a rumbly >decide I don't need to worry about it or stop >get stuck in traffic on way to office >3 car accident up stopping traffic completely 60 KB JPG >tummy does another rumbly >feel cold chills in my stomach >realize I have to diarrhea s--- >start to squeeze my butthole with all my might >traffic starts moving >finally >holding on for dear life >already late can't stop need to s--- at office >get to office >sweating >panic >fear >rush myself into the restroom >someone's in the toilet >absolute emergency >check women's bathroom >occupied >f--- l'm out of options >decide to s--- it mens urinal >it's my last hope >start rocket blasting the urinal with forces unknown to man >companies owner walks out of bathroom stall and looks at me >just keeps walking doesn't say a word >doesn't even wash his hands >finish up >enter office with shame >manager calls me in >sends me home said he'll call me later >pretty sure I just lost my job for s------- in a urinal

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anon is in gym class | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/22/21 (Fri)19:15:59 No.845507560 >in P.E class >run into wall| >scrape d--- >start to cry >cute mommy coach walks over >whats wrong anon? You got a boo boo?' 57 KB JPG >pulls down my pants and kisses the head of my fractured weewee >'better?" >i nod >mfw i try to go back for seconds but get stuck behind line of male students claiming to have d--- injuries You f------! This was my idea!!
: Anonymous 01/22/21 (Fri)19:15:59 No.845507560 >in P.E class >run into wall| >scrape d--- >start to cry >cute mommy coach walks over >whats wrong anon? You got a boo boo?' 57 KB JPG >pulls down my pants and kisses the head of my fractured weewee >'better?" >i nod >mfw i try to go back for seconds but get stuck behind line of male students claiming to have d--- injuries You f------! This was my idea!!

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Anon gets a retweet | /r/Greentext

| Anonymous 03/07/19(Thu)10:54:32 No.51327615 I just got a Twitter retweet It's the first I got that I'm happy 1.66 MB PNG 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 03/07/19(Thu)10:55:43 No.51327621 >>51327615 (OP) # Shut the f--- up you stupid retard
| Anonymous 03/07/19(Thu)10:54:32 No.51327615 I just got a Twitter retweet It's the first I got that I'm happy 1.66 MB PNG 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 03/07/19(Thu)10:55:43 No.51327621 >>51327615 (OP) # Shut the f--- up you stupid retard

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Anon have addiction problem | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)02:22:57 No.845499962 >Be me 17 >Obsessed with being viewed as the psycho kid at school >Get my ass kicked a couple times and get the respect of a deaf cholo dude on campus >he offers me some heroin >Im cool I'm down for whatever 47 KB JPG >Hooked as f--- >Pulling giant turds out of my bleeding ass after not s------- for a month and then still cooking up hooked 4 years later >try to rip off some s----- yuppie in santa monica >wrong f----- one, it's a cop >jail for 3 years at long beach correctional, not as big of a deal as movies make it out to be. >mostly just read books and worked out >get out with heavy restrictions >halfway house, 3 NA meetings a day, can't be seen with any associated felons.. the whole works. >finally get out and set up for my first night in the halfway house >manager walks in and literally bitch slaps me >put one hand on me and ill have yo white ass back in jail ya hear? >d------- manager and r---- ass jungle roommates. great. whatever, as long as i get through this >go to my first NA meeting >we're supposed to introduce ourselves for a few minutes during the meeting if we're new >mfw some kid literally spends the whole f------ 2 hours talking about how he was addicted to gaming
: Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)02:22:57 No.845499962 >Be me 17 >Obsessed with being viewed as the psycho kid at school >Get my ass kicked a couple times and get the respect of a deaf cholo dude on campus >he offers me some heroin >Im cool I'm down for whatever 47 KB JPG >Hooked as f--- >Pulling giant turds out of my bleeding ass after not s------- for a month and then still cooking up hooked 4 years later >try to rip off some s----- yuppie in santa monica >wrong f----- one, it's a cop >jail for 3 years at long beach correctional, not as big of a deal as movies make it out to be. >mostly just read books and worked out >get out with heavy restrictions >halfway house, 3 NA meetings a day, can't be seen with any associated felons.. the whole works. >finally get out and set up for my first night in the halfway house >manager walks in and literally bitch slaps me >put one hand on me and ill have yo white ass back in jail ya hear? >d------- manager and r---- ass jungle roommates. great. whatever, as long as i get through this >go to my first NA meeting >we're supposed to introduce ourselves for a few minutes during the meeting if we're new >mfw some kid literally spends the whole f------ 2 hours talking about how he was addicted to gaming

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Anon asks a great question | /r/Greentext


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Anon talks god | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/22/21(Fri)12:52:12 No.61970982 >imagine the worst moment you had in your life >multiply that by a thousand and add constant and terrible physical pain BUSH CHENEY 2004 426 KB PNG >billions of people around the world believe that there is a god >this god is allegedly the purest form of good there is. the most belevolent being ever to exist >however, he throws you into this state you imagined if you refuse to believe in him, even though most facts that exist in the world he created point to him not existing at all wild
: Anonymous 01/22/21(Fri)12:52:12 No.61970982 >imagine the worst moment you had in your life >multiply that by a thousand and add constant and terrible physical pain BUSH CHENEY 2004 426 KB PNG >billions of people around the world believe that there is a god >this god is allegedly the purest form of good there is. the most belevolent being ever to exist >however, he throws you into this state you imagined if you refuse to believe in him, even though most facts that exist in the world he created point to him not existing at all wild

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Anon is very talented doctor | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/22/17(Wed)05:28:01 No.75172441 >Be me rich doctor with kick-ass mask >Be walking to cathedral to show peasant f--- my expertise >Strolling down the street smacking peasants with my awesome doctor beating stick 31 KB JPG >Lifeisgood.tapestry >Finally arrive at cathedral >Everyone excited I, the very talented doctor, am here >I stroll up to the podium >"What is it that ails you lowly creatures?" I ask in my scary doctor voice >Lady peasant raises her hand >"Ah, yes you! What ails thee repulsive serf creature?" >"My throat m'lord... it hurts whenever I swallow" >"Ah yes! I know exactly what ails thee" >Have no f------ idea what the problem is >Timetofuckingwingit.lutesuite >Have her come to the front of the room >Nervously stall for time as I search my sweet new doctor bag >Settle on knife >Tell stupid peasant bitch that her throat has too much blood in it and it needs to be drained >The audience is loving this s--- >Lay her down on table >"Behold!" >Slice neck open >Ohshit.parchment >Blood spurts across the table >Stupid w---- is squirming and bleeding everywhere >Finally stops moving and bleeding >l turn around and bow >F------ nailed it >They ask if she's dead >I call them addlepated fools and explain she's simply relaxed and will awaken within the hour >Audience nods in approval >Get paid sweet medieval bitcoin >Gtfo as quick as possible >Can't come back to this town >Buy even pointier doctor stick
: Anonymous 11/22/17(Wed)05:28:01 No.75172441 >Be me rich doctor with kick-ass mask >Be walking to cathedral to show peasant f--- my expertise >Strolling down the street smacking peasants with my awesome doctor beating stick 31 KB JPG >Lifeisgood.tapestry >Finally arrive at cathedral >Everyone excited I, the very talented doctor, am here >I stroll up to the podium >"What is it that ails you lowly creatures?" I ask in my scary doctor voice >Lady peasant raises her hand >"Ah, yes you! What ails thee repulsive serf creature?" >"My throat m'lord... it hurts whenever I swallow" >"Ah yes! I know exactly what ails thee" >Have no f------ idea what the problem is >Timetofuckingwingit.lutesuite >Have her come to the front of the room >Nervously stall for time as I search my sweet new doctor bag >Settle on knife >Tell stupid peasant bitch that her throat has too much blood in it and it needs to be drained >The audience is loving this s--- >Lay her down on table >"Behold!" >Slice neck open >Ohshit.parchment >Blood spurts across the table >Stupid w---- is squirming and bleeding everywhere >Finally stops moving and bleeding >l turn around and bow >F------ nailed it >They ask if she's dead >I call them addlepated fools and explain she's simply relaxed and will awaken within the hour >Audience nods in approval >Get paid sweet medieval bitcoin >Gtfo as quick as possible >Can't come back to this town >Buy even pointier doctor stick

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Anon has a weird dad | /r/Greentext

>>58082556 not sure if its worse >15 >try to make pancakes >spill hot oil on myself >burns on both hands and my right thigh >cant j------- >dryhump everything in my room >cant c-- >worst blueballs i ever felt >dad helps me shower >get rock hard as soon as he soaps my thigh >tell him i cant j------- >he cant stop laughing >then tells me to promise not to tell mom >i kind of expect he will jerk me off in the shower but instead he makes it way weirder >he instructs me to lie on my back on my bed and hands me a sleepmask, tells me he will be right back >after a couple of minutes he comes back, speaking in a feminine offensively thick asian accent >"you come for special massage yes yes? good." >he gives me a proper massage while I feel like my balls are going to explode >he occasionally says random stuff about my body being tense, fully in character >after about 30 minutes of massage, he starts doing this onedirectional slowjerk motion with a lubed hand while playing with my balls with other >from this point on i am just nonstop moaning like a bitch >edged me like that for at least 15 minutes, occasionally slowjerking in different ways >finally lets me c--, >i take off the sleepmask >he wipes off the c-- with a worm moist towel >i burst out laughing, he joins >he clearly saw this as a fun experience, i was still being awkward, he told me he'll take me to thailand when i turn 18 >he died two years later >when i was 20 i saved up enough to travel to thailand on my own >went to get a 'special massage', closed my eyes and pretended it was my dad doing an offensive accent, couldn't stop crying after i came and they didn't charge me
>>58082556 not sure if its worse >15 >try to make pancakes >spill hot oil on myself >burns on both hands and my right thigh >cant j------- >dryhump everything in my room >cant c-- >worst blueballs i ever felt >dad helps me shower >get rock hard as soon as he soaps my thigh >tell him i cant j------- >he cant stop laughing >then tells me to promise not to tell mom >i kind of expect he will jerk me off in the shower but instead he makes it way weirder >he instructs me to lie on my back on my bed and hands me a sleepmask, tells me he will be right back >after a couple of minutes he comes back, speaking in a feminine offensively thick asian accent >"you come for special massage yes yes? good." >he gives me a proper massage while I feel like my balls are going to explode >he occasionally says random stuff about my body being tense, fully in character >after about 30 minutes of massage, he starts doing this onedirectional slowjerk motion with a lubed hand while playing with my balls with other >from this point on i am just nonstop moaning like a bitch >edged me like that for at least 15 minutes, occasionally slowjerking in different ways >finally lets me c--, >i take off the sleepmask >he wipes off the c-- with a worm moist towel >i burst out laughing, he joins >he clearly saw this as a fun experience, i was still being awkward, he told me he'll take me to thailand when i turn 18 >he died two years later >when i was 20 i saved up enough to travel to thailand on my own >went to get a 'special massage', closed my eyes and pretended it was my dad doing an offensive accent, couldn't stop crying after i came and they didn't charge me

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Anon didnt expect this | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/29/18(Sat)23:20:35 No.788576933 >be me >waiting in my upstairs bedroom >l know they're coming tonight >I can already hear them shuffling about outside the door >their veiny cocks dragging across the carpet as they shuffle about 162 KB JPG >l've prepared as much as I could but I didn't expect a colony of them >"you can't hide in there forever laddy" they taunt >the r--- dwarves will wait me out I know it >f--- that I'm not going down like this >l'm gonna make a break for it >oh f---..I can smell KY and cinnamon >guess I wasn't the only one preparing >bring it on you f------ chodes
: Anonymous 12/29/18(Sat)23:20:35 No.788576933 >be me >waiting in my upstairs bedroom >l know they're coming tonight >I can already hear them shuffling about outside the door >their veiny cocks dragging across the carpet as they shuffle about 162 KB JPG >l've prepared as much as I could but I didn't expect a colony of them >"you can't hide in there forever laddy" they taunt >the r--- dwarves will wait me out I know it >f--- that I'm not going down like this >l'm gonna make a break for it >oh f---..I can smell KY and cinnamon >guess I wasn't the only one preparing >bring it on you f------ chodes

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Anon almost gets touched | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/17/21(Sun)01:38:27 No.9368776 ANON NOOOO WE CANT DO THAT UNLESS WE ARE MARRIED 52 KB JPG : King's 01/17/21(Sun)01:43:34 No.9368787 : Anonymous 01/17/21(Sun)01:44:43 No.9368789 ock iStock iStock iSto Images by Gey fmages Gelty Imaes Gotty iStock Stock iStock telty Images Getty Images" Tstock iSto istockphoto-140253542-1024x1024.jpg 313 KB JPG PLEASE MIKU! JUST GRAB MY HAND! I'M GONNA FALL >>9369100 # >>9369277 # >>9369726 # >>9370007 # >>9370595 # >>9370785 # >9374916 # >>9376261 #
: Anonymous 01/17/21(Sun)01:38:27 No.9368776 ANON NOOOO WE CANT DO THAT UNLESS WE ARE MARRIED 52 KB JPG : King's 01/17/21(Sun)01:43:34 No.9368787 : Anonymous 01/17/21(Sun)01:44:43 No.9368789 ock iStock iStock iSto Images by Gey fmages Gelty Imaes Gotty iStock Stock iStock telty Images Getty Images" Tstock iSto istockphoto-140253542-1024x1024.jpg 313 KB JPG PLEASE MIKU! JUST GRAB MY HAND! I'M GONNA FALL >>9369100 # >>9369277 # >>9369726 # >>9370007 # >>9370595 # >>9370785 # >9374916 # >>9376261 #

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anon has a brother | /r/Greentext

Board /b/ - Random Settings Mobile Home >be me >learn to green text just for this s--- >ordinary dude who just graduated and got married >southern german parents, but was raised in the US 47 KB JPG >have little bro who is some kind of weird white supremacist >keeps trying to show me and my parents pol and infowars and s---, not interested, but ok i want to make him feel accepted >starts ranting about a---- purity and s---, whatever >goes on huge rant in front of my portuegese/italian wife about impure bloodlines and how im f------ up >little homie went too far. decide to call him out in front of the fam >lil bro, we aren't even pure german. Nobody is. >he starts ranting about how hitler kicked out all nonpure germans, my parents are looking uncomfortable af >anon.. lil bro... we aren't full german. tbh i don't think anyone is. >i laugh, little bro takes it super hard. don't really think about it for a few weeks. >later on I text lil bro, no response. start to get worried, send a are you ok text >finally responds, being completely normal, no weird jew conspiracies or anything. >says he's been humbled as a mutt and keeps acting like a bitch all the time >parents are worried and keep calling saying he's up all night typing and crying >f--- you alex, i know you're on here all the time just be a stupid nazi f----- if it makes you happy, we miss you.
Board /b/ - Random Settings Mobile Home >be me >learn to green text just for this s--- >ordinary dude who just graduated and got married >southern german parents, but was raised in the US 47 KB JPG >have little bro who is some kind of weird white supremacist >keeps trying to show me and my parents pol and infowars and s---, not interested, but ok i want to make him feel accepted >starts ranting about a---- purity and s---, whatever >goes on huge rant in front of my portuegese/italian wife about impure bloodlines and how im f------ up >little homie went too far. decide to call him out in front of the fam >lil bro, we aren't even pure german. Nobody is. >he starts ranting about how hitler kicked out all nonpure germans, my parents are looking uncomfortable af >anon.. lil bro... we aren't full german. tbh i don't think anyone is. >i laugh, little bro takes it super hard. don't really think about it for a few weeks. >later on I text lil bro, no response. start to get worried, send a are you ok text >finally responds, being completely normal, no weird jew conspiracies or anything. >says he's been humbled as a mutt and keeps acting like a bitch all the time >parents are worried and keep calling saying he's up all night typing and crying >f--- you alex, i know you're on here all the time just be a stupid nazi f----- if it makes you happy, we miss you.

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Anon screws up | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/14/21(Thu)12:08:41 No.844796151 >>844795116 (OP) # >be me >first year of jr. high >no frens >i eat lunch alone at an empty table >vice principle suddenly sits down across from me out of pity to eat with me 84 KB JPG >he dresses like a detective cop with sunglasses and he is very intimidating, pic related >tries to strike a conversation >i have no clue how to small talk with a full grown adult, im like 13 >he notices it's going awkwardly so he finishes off his sandwich in two bites just to get away from me >feel like a bigger loser than before >feel all other kids looking at me since the vice principal drew attention to me >friendless f-----.jpg| I did make frens the next year tho, so all good.
: Anonymous 01/14/21(Thu)12:08:41 No.844796151 >>844795116 (OP) # >be me >first year of jr. high >no frens >i eat lunch alone at an empty table >vice principle suddenly sits down across from me out of pity to eat with me 84 KB JPG >he dresses like a detective cop with sunglasses and he is very intimidating, pic related >tries to strike a conversation >i have no clue how to small talk with a full grown adult, im like 13 >he notices it's going awkwardly so he finishes off his sandwich in two bites just to get away from me >feel like a bigger loser than before >feel all other kids looking at me since the vice principal drew attention to me >friendless f-----.jpg| I did make frens the next year tho, so all good.

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Anon works for Burger King | /r/Greentext

download.jpg 8 KB JPG >be me >15 >Burger King foot lettuce
download.jpg 8 KB JPG >be me >15 >Burger King foot lettuce

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Anon is arab | /r/Greentext


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Anon missed it by 12 minutes | /r/Greentext

[Return] [Catalog] [Bottom] [Update] [OAuto] File: 237-2379691 135kib-700x71(.).jpg (137 KB, 920x791) O Anonymous 01/22/21(Fri)00:18:00 No.845451479 >be me >think of something cool >"its the 21st day of the 21st year of the 21st century" >friend tells me it's the 22 >pain
[Return] [Catalog] [Bottom] [Update] [OAuto] File: 237-2379691 135kib-700x71(.).jpg (137 KB, 920x791) O Anonymous 01/22/21(Fri)00:18:00 No.845451479 >be me >think of something cool >"its the 21st day of the 21st year of the 21st century" >friend tells me it's the 22 >pain

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is this possible? | /r/Greentext

>be me >have gf >like giving her oral >she likes it rough >she gets iud (built in birth control) no more period >me gusta.jpg 12 KB JPG >turn her into a Twinkie >every now and then she has period blood clumps >every now and then I get some in my mouth when I give her oral >don't care >spit it out >still sex >going rough one time >hammertime.jpg >heard girls like it when you give oral in the middle of sex >give oral >big clump falls out >so shocked >swallow >can't stop in the middle of sex >forget top throw up after >one week later she's crying >she says Anon I went to doc because I was 2 month pregnant but I lost the baby >she doesn't remember when >mfw I remember >mfw I ate my kid
>be me >have gf >like giving her oral >she likes it rough >she gets iud (built in birth control) no more period >me gusta.jpg 12 KB JPG >turn her into a Twinkie >every now and then she has period blood clumps >every now and then I get some in my mouth when I give her oral >don't care >spit it out >still sex >going rough one time >hammertime.jpg >heard girls like it when you give oral in the middle of sex >give oral >big clump falls out >so shocked >swallow >can't stop in the middle of sex >forget top throw up after >one week later she's crying >she says Anon I went to doc because I was 2 month pregnant but I lost the baby >she doesn't remember when >mfw I remember >mfw I ate my kid

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