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Anon is a virgin | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/24/18(Mon)15:26:34 No.780691014 >Be me, virgin frogposter >At home browsing the chan >All of a sudden hear earpiercing scream, probably from mommy > Oh no, it's him again > Put on my ghost busters outfit and grab my ar-15 8 KB JPG >Exit my room with gun in hand, this is gonna get bloody > Hear creaking from the hallways > Loud noise, like the sound of a fuse box exploding > All the lights go out >It's dark, but feel his presence > in a flash, his balls drag along the floor right behind me > He's too fast, I can't shoot in time >The r--- dwarf f---- my ass and launches a 4 foot long string of semen into my a------ >Tfw Technically had sex, see you later virgins
: Anonymous 09/24/18(Mon)15:26:34 No.780691014 >Be me, virgin frogposter >At home browsing the chan >All of a sudden hear earpiercing scream, probably from mommy > Oh no, it's him again > Put on my ghost busters outfit and grab my ar-15 8 KB JPG >Exit my room with gun in hand, this is gonna get bloody > Hear creaking from the hallways > Loud noise, like the sound of a fuse box exploding > All the lights go out >It's dark, but feel his presence > in a flash, his balls drag along the floor right behind me > He's too fast, I can't shoot in time >The r--- dwarf f---- my ass and launches a 4 foot long string of semen into my a------ >Tfw Technically had sex, see you later virgins

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Anon has a hot mom | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/21/21(Thu)23:19:43 No.845445166 >me >middle school >hard time making friends >walking out of school one day next to a classmate >my mom waves me down >"H-------- is that your mom dude? 9 KB PNG She's hot" >That's it, l'll be the kid with the hot mom! >Another day, walking out with different classmate >This is my chance, I'm the kid with the hot mom! >"Oh there's my mom, gotta go. She's hot huh? >He just stares back and says "what the f--- dude?" >mfw View Thread
: Anonymous 01/21/21(Thu)23:19:43 No.845445166 >me >middle school >hard time making friends >walking out of school one day next to a classmate >my mom waves me down >"H-------- is that your mom dude? 9 KB PNG She's hot" >That's it, l'll be the kid with the hot mom! >Another day, walking out with different classmate >This is my chance, I'm the kid with the hot mom! >"Oh there's my mom, gotta go. She's hot huh? >He just stares back and says "what the f--- dude?" >mfw View Thread

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Anon has a sister | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 792876680 7 hr. ago •.. >Mom died right when I was born >Grew up with my dad's family, because my dad has all sorts of emotional issues and he bailed before i was born >Growing up I feel like there was always a lot of distance between me and my sister >Be 17 or 18 >Notice that my sister is a hottie >Accidentally found a video that she made of herself >I thought she was so f------ beautiful that I watched it twice >Would have watched it a lot more, but crazy s--- went down and I had to leave home >At this point, totally lusting after my sister >She was also having bad trouble with the law >Actually in custody when I left home >Friend and I go to pick her up >I Just wanted to f--- her brains out >I think she had feelings for me too >Kissed me when we picked her up >Definitely WAS NOT a sisterly kiss >Friend told me he wants to get with my sister >jealous.jpg >Not much happened between me and my sister for a while || >At this point, we were all wanted and moving around a lot >Serious sexual tension between my friend and sister >l get hurt badly and almost die >While in recover, sister gives me another not sisterly kiss >We spend some time apart >l get really religious, try not to think of her that way >I was totally over her >We go sailing a year later (nothing romantic) >She's in the hottest f------ bikini ever >All those feelings come back >She ends up with my friend from before >After all this, we were at a party >Sister and I were outside alone >Kill the mood by telling her that Darth Vader is our father and I have to go face him
Anonymous | 792876680 7 hr. ago •.. >Mom died right when I was born >Grew up with my dad's family, because my dad has all sorts of emotional issues and he bailed before i was born >Growing up I feel like there was always a lot of distance between me and my sister >Be 17 or 18 >Notice that my sister is a hottie >Accidentally found a video that she made of herself >I thought she was so f------ beautiful that I watched it twice >Would have watched it a lot more, but crazy s--- went down and I had to leave home >At this point, totally lusting after my sister >She was also having bad trouble with the law >Actually in custody when I left home >Friend and I go to pick her up >I Just wanted to f--- her brains out >I think she had feelings for me too >Kissed me when we picked her up >Definitely WAS NOT a sisterly kiss >Friend told me he wants to get with my sister >jealous.jpg >Not much happened between me and my sister for a while || >At this point, we were all wanted and moving around a lot >Serious sexual tension between my friend and sister >l get hurt badly and almost die >While in recover, sister gives me another not sisterly kiss >We spend some time apart >l get really religious, try not to think of her that way >I was totally over her >We go sailing a year later (nothing romantic) >She's in the hottest f------ bikini ever >All those feelings come back >She ends up with my friend from before >After all this, we were at a party >Sister and I were outside alone >Kill the mood by telling her that Darth Vader is our father and I have to go face him

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They are in the walls | /r/Greentext

: R----dwarf slayer Very important send help asap 12/25/18(Tue)22:43:57 No.50043828 REEE EE tenor.gif 111 KB GIF The R--- Dwarf Returns >wake up at 4 >go to washroom >noisesinthewall.mp3 >oh s--- not again >rush to the basement faster than a n----- with a TV >pull out my ak47 >switchtofullauto.rar >noises coming closer >sounds of d---- being dragged through the walls intensifies every second >now from all directions >"Oh s--- he's got reinforcements" >tardstrength kicks in >empty the entire 100 round mag into the basement walls >bloodeverywhere.png >hear "Ho Ho Ho" sounds fading away into a distance >count the bodies >7 bastards dead,with their enormous d---- dangling out of their Christmas themed boxers >l'm a little injured with the acid c------- they threw at me >l'm not sure how long I can hold on. >Need meds, ammo and food Send help guys
: R----dwarf slayer Very important send help asap 12/25/18(Tue)22:43:57 No.50043828 REEE EE tenor.gif 111 KB GIF The R--- Dwarf Returns >wake up at 4 >go to washroom >noisesinthewall.mp3 >oh s--- not again >rush to the basement faster than a n----- with a TV >pull out my ak47 >switchtofullauto.rar >noises coming closer >sounds of d---- being dragged through the walls intensifies every second >now from all directions >"Oh s--- he's got reinforcements" >tardstrength kicks in >empty the entire 100 round mag into the basement walls >bloodeverywhere.png >hear "Ho Ho Ho" sounds fading away into a distance >count the bodies >7 bastards dead,with their enormous d---- dangling out of their Christmas themed boxers >l'm a little injured with the acid c------- they threw at me >l'm not sure how long I can hold on. >Need meds, ammo and food Send help guys

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4chan saved Anon | /r/Greentext

Sincere Thanks > Be me, a few months ago > Frustrated as all hell with life, really wanted to end it all > Come here out of desperation > Make a thread here since I didn't want to vent to friends and concern them > Expect the thread to get archived almost immediately > People gave a s--- and told me I needed to make a change in my life > Take advice, change major, worry less about how I think others think of me Fast forward to now > Have been doing a lot better lately, actually interested in what I'm studying now I know how faggoty this sounds, but I wanted to give a genuine thanks, I don't want to know where I would be if I hadn't vented and got real advice and instead just kept that s--- bottled up 7m (1/21 23:03) · 61965824 >>61965761 (OP) Glad you're happy, I hope whomever gave you the advice sees this and knows what a f----- you really are.
Sincere Thanks > Be me, a few months ago > Frustrated as all hell with life, really wanted to end it all > Come here out of desperation > Make a thread here since I didn't want to vent to friends and concern them > Expect the thread to get archived almost immediately > People gave a s--- and told me I needed to make a change in my life > Take advice, change major, worry less about how I think others think of me Fast forward to now > Have been doing a lot better lately, actually interested in what I'm studying now I know how faggoty this sounds, but I wanted to give a genuine thanks, I don't want to know where I would be if I hadn't vented and got real advice and instead just kept that s--- bottled up 7m (1/21 23:03) · 61965824 >>61965761 (OP) Glad you're happy, I hope whomever gave you the advice sees this and knows what a f----- you really are.

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anon casts invisibility | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/04/18(Thu)19:37:25 No.62327007 >party is in old temple fighting a bunch of ogres >during combat our cleric drops to 0 hp >we are all out of healing potions but can bandage with med kits DM allows cleric to do one thing before he drops >Cleric worships a goddess of fools and pranks >"as a final joke against myself I cast invisibility so no one can heal me" >cleric bleeds out and dies and group is captured into slavery >upon reaching afterlife Cleric is greeted by his goddess who puts her hands on his shoulder, crying from laughter >says she enjoyed the joke very much >rewards him by making him a divine jester who will forever tell her jokes >>62327583 # >>62331158 # Anonymous10/04/18(Thu)20:26:24 No.62327583 3 No.62327027 >>62327007 # Screencap, I kek'd at their own entext ays liquid 33 KB JPG
: Anonymous 10/04/18(Thu)19:37:25 No.62327007 >party is in old temple fighting a bunch of ogres >during combat our cleric drops to 0 hp >we are all out of healing potions but can bandage with med kits DM allows cleric to do one thing before he drops >Cleric worships a goddess of fools and pranks >"as a final joke against myself I cast invisibility so no one can heal me" >cleric bleeds out and dies and group is captured into slavery >upon reaching afterlife Cleric is greeted by his goddess who puts her hands on his shoulder, crying from laughter >says she enjoyed the joke very much >rewards him by making him a divine jester who will forever tell her jokes >>62327583 # >>62331158 # Anonymous10/04/18(Thu)20:26:24 No.62327583 3 No.62327027 >>62327007 # Screencap, I kek'd at their own entext ays liquid 33 KB JPG

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The End of History | /r/Greentext

File: cockfrog.jpg (98 KB, 1000x1000) O Anonymous 01/21/21(Thu)07:17:47 No.845377616 [Reply] >>845377812 >>845377903 >>845378486 >Born 1892. >go war :)))) >somehow live >go war 2.0 >somehow live again >get 2 kids >1 kid go war *Die* > last kid get kid >kids kid spoiled brat say "2020 worst year evah" >look down on kid from heaven and become depresso >> O Anonymous 01/21/21(Thu)07:22:44 No.845377812 >>845377616 (OP) # How did you get 2 kids?
File: cockfrog.jpg (98 KB, 1000x1000) O Anonymous 01/21/21(Thu)07:17:47 No.845377616 [Reply] >>845377812 >>845377903 >>845378486 >Born 1892. >go war :)))) >somehow live >go war 2.0 >somehow live again >get 2 kids >1 kid go war *Die* > last kid get kid >kids kid spoiled brat say "2020 worst year evah" >look down on kid from heaven and become depresso >> O Anonymous 01/21/21(Thu)07:22:44 No.845377812 >>845377616 (OP) # How did you get 2 kids?

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Anon is man | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/16/20(Sun)02:26:58 No.56968923 1597184211094.jpg 53 KB JPG >bench 405 >still sleep with Mr. Teddy
: Anonymous 08/16/20(Sun)02:26:58 No.56968923 1597184211094.jpg 53 KB JPG >bench 405 >still sleep with Mr. Teddy

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Grandpa knows the truth | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/26/18(Mon)13:38:54 No.4362112 My grandpa is a Rwandan genocide denier. I have no idea why. We live in Wales, have no connection to Rwanda and he isn't 27 KB JPG a conspiracy kind of guy in general. He has never been to Rwanda or met a Rwandan yet in his house he has pages of documents 'proving the hoax', such as a full script for the movie Hotel Rwanda with a bunch of random letters from the words highlighted showing 'the secret messages' from the director. He says that Paul Kagame doesn't exist and that 'every picture of bodies 'is clearly in Burundi' and has huge printouts of aerial photographs of Burundi to prove it. Not sure what he has against Rwanda but if you bring it up to him he calls you a 'Tutsi liar'.
: Anonymous 03/26/18(Mon)13:38:54 No.4362112 My grandpa is a Rwandan genocide denier. I have no idea why. We live in Wales, have no connection to Rwanda and he isn't 27 KB JPG a conspiracy kind of guy in general. He has never been to Rwanda or met a Rwandan yet in his house he has pages of documents 'proving the hoax', such as a full script for the movie Hotel Rwanda with a bunch of random letters from the words highlighted showing 'the secret messages' from the director. He says that Paul Kagame doesn't exist and that 'every picture of bodies 'is clearly in Burundi' and has huge printouts of aerial photographs of Burundi to prove it. Not sure what he has against Rwanda but if you bring it up to him he calls you a 'Tutsi liar'.

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Anon finds the homework folder | /r/Greentext

Tech support horror thread? Tech support horror thread. Share your stories. >be me >work at mid-sized software company >IT support >some new guy gets a job as a programmer >claims he has worked at very big projects before >can't name them >fast forward 2 weeks >calls me and claims his computer is crashing every few minutes >walk up to his desk and watch him work until it crashes again >have leenux on a stick with me at all times >boot it up >ask him if he's been visiting any kind of not-so-legit websites >"No man, I'm clean" >gets sweaty and nervous once I browse trough the personal files >Downloads folder has multiple zip's with cryptic names inside them >"i dunno man, they were always there" >one of them is 163GB big >opening it takes almost 10 minutes >tons of folders with russian names >all of them are filled with videos of sheeps being shaved for whatever reason
Tech support horror thread? Tech support horror thread. Share your stories. >be me >work at mid-sized software company >IT support >some new guy gets a job as a programmer >claims he has worked at very big projects before >can't name them >fast forward 2 weeks >calls me and claims his computer is crashing every few minutes >walk up to his desk and watch him work until it crashes again >have leenux on a stick with me at all times >boot it up >ask him if he's been visiting any kind of not-so-legit websites >"No man, I'm clean" >gets sweaty and nervous once I browse trough the personal files >Downloads folder has multiple zip's with cryptic names inside them >"i dunno man, they were always there" >one of them is 163GB big >opening it takes almost 10 minutes >tons of folders with russian names >all of them are filled with videos of sheeps being shaved for whatever reason

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anon isn't gay | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/06/17(Thu)14:25:28 No.738045411 >all the boy p---- threads finally get to me >feel compelled to vist a t----- prostitute >find one that isn't full t----- but more trap-like >white, 5'4, flat t---, cute face etc 289 KB PNG >immediately notice how much bigger d--- is than mine >she calls my d--- "cute" and says it's "just right" >when we 69 I can't stop thinking about all those trolls who say traps are gay >with a d--- in my mouth twice the size of mine, suddenly these accusations seem legitimate >she stops and ask if I want to change positions >l just lay there with a d--- in my mouth as tears slowly gather in the corners of my eyes >break down and ask her if she thinks I'm gay >she spends the next 20 minutes comforting me and making me feel better >come home having sucked a d--- without even getting off >l've never felt like such a beta f----- in my entire life
: Anonymous 07/06/17(Thu)14:25:28 No.738045411 >all the boy p---- threads finally get to me >feel compelled to vist a t----- prostitute >find one that isn't full t----- but more trap-like >white, 5'4, flat t---, cute face etc 289 KB PNG >immediately notice how much bigger d--- is than mine >she calls my d--- "cute" and says it's "just right" >when we 69 I can't stop thinking about all those trolls who say traps are gay >with a d--- in my mouth twice the size of mine, suddenly these accusations seem legitimate >she stops and ask if I want to change positions >l just lay there with a d--- in my mouth as tears slowly gather in the corners of my eyes >break down and ask her if she thinks I'm gay >she spends the next 20 minutes comforting me and making me feel better >come home having sucked a d--- without even getting off >l've never felt like such a beta f----- in my entire life

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A Redditor discover 4chan | /r/Greentext

> be me > redditfag > spend most of life believing that everyone on 4chan is a far-right p--- who lives in their mother's basement 43 KB PNG > actually visit 4chan I was wrong. Only half of you are like that.
> be me > redditfag > spend most of life believing that everyone on 4chan is a far-right p--- who lives in their mother's basement 43 KB PNG > actually visit 4chan I was wrong. Only half of you are like that.

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Anon is a weeb | /r/Greentext

>be me >weeb f----- >house sitting for a friends >they have 4 cats and 2 dogs >start watching anime on laptop >cat comes and sits on my lap >enjoying anime together >next day >start watching anime on laptop >cat comes up and sits on my lap >enjoying anime again >this happens every time I turn on anime >friends get back >cat won't snuggle up with anyone >"hey anon what the f--- did you do to our cat" >"turn on some anime" >"what the f--- no" >"trust me" 19.9 kB JPG >they do it and cat snuggles up >mfw they never want me to house sit again because I turned one if there cats into a weeb and they have to watch anime whenever they want to be with the cat >mfw I turned the cat into a f------ weeb >mfw my friends are now weebs due to the transitive property >mfw I have the power to make everyone a weeb >mfw you are all weebs now
>be me >weeb f----- >house sitting for a friends >they have 4 cats and 2 dogs >start watching anime on laptop >cat comes and sits on my lap >enjoying anime together >next day >start watching anime on laptop >cat comes up and sits on my lap >enjoying anime again >this happens every time I turn on anime >friends get back >cat won't snuggle up with anyone >"hey anon what the f--- did you do to our cat" >"turn on some anime" >"what the f--- no" >"trust me" 19.9 kB JPG >they do it and cat snuggles up >mfw they never want me to house sit again because I turned one if there cats into a weeb and they have to watch anime whenever they want to be with the cat >mfw I turned the cat into a f------ weeb >mfw my friends are now weebs due to the transitive property >mfw I have the power to make everyone a weeb >mfw you are all weebs now

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Anon receives sympathy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/21/21(Thu)21:27:11 No.84540931 still getting used up my new body... being a triple amputee sucks do not recommend 276 KB JPG 2 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 01/21/21(Thu)21:28:48 No.845409429 It's over op kill yourself : Anonymous 01/21/21(Thu)21:28:53 No.84540943E >>845409319 (OP) # Post vid of you trying to get up the stairs
: Anonymous 01/21/21(Thu)21:27:11 No.84540931 still getting used up my new body... being a triple amputee sucks do not recommend 276 KB JPG 2 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 01/21/21(Thu)21:28:48 No.845409429 It's over op kill yourself : Anonymous 01/21/21(Thu)21:28:53 No.84540943E >>845409319 (OP) # Post vid of you trying to get up the stairs

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Anon is a mass shooter | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/11/19(Sun)11:06:41 No.53855076 >be mass shooter >come home after long day of mass shooting >exhausted and tired >l don't know if I like doing this anymore >go to room and start playing Minecraft 390 KB JPG >suddenly I'm overcome with an intense need for violence and human suffering >mfw Minecraft reignited my passion for being a evil killing machine
: Anonymous 08/11/19(Sun)11:06:41 No.53855076 >be mass shooter >come home after long day of mass shooting >exhausted and tired >l don't know if I like doing this anymore >go to room and start playing Minecraft 390 KB JPG >suddenly I'm overcome with an intense need for violence and human suffering >mfw Minecraft reignited my passion for being a evil killing machine

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anon sees a heartwarming moment | /r/Greentext

i Anonymous 01/20/21(Wed)21:06:11 No.845348201 >be me >waiting at bus stop >late at night >see crazed looking hobo go behind abortion clinic 136 KB GIF >he digs through garbage can >he finds a fetus >he hugs it >'imma call you..cleetus, cleetus tha fetus' >he looks around >he takes bite of cleetus >mfw that is the sweetest thing i have seen in awhile
i Anonymous 01/20/21(Wed)21:06:11 No.845348201 >be me >waiting at bus stop >late at night >see crazed looking hobo go behind abortion clinic 136 KB GIF >he digs through garbage can >he finds a fetus >he hugs it >'imma call you..cleetus, cleetus tha fetus' >he looks around >he takes bite of cleetus >mfw that is the sweetest thing i have seen in awhile

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Anon is a plague doctor | /r/Greentext

O Legend of the Plague Doctor Anonymous >Dress up as plague doctor. >Walk down street to McDonalds. >Enter, walk to counter. >Hot blond girl turns around and screams. >Put on deep voice. >"DO NOT BE AFRAID, CHILD!" >Wave arms, leap onto counter. >Kickover register and charity jar. >Raise hands into air. >"PURRRRIFFFFYYYYYYYYY!" >Manager storms in, appears angry. >Moonwalk. >Kick fat kid's McFlurry from hands. >"You are fat. You need not this." >Tip hat to manager, jump from counter. >Head for door, see bitch/hot girl from high school. >She has fries, is staring with gaping jaw. >Sprint to her. >Grab her fries, slap her. >Manager shouts, tries to grab hat. >Spin around, slap him across face. >"UNHAND ME, MALE OF BROWN SKIN! >Sparta kick the door. >Run out of store. >Walk the dinosaur. >Go home, leave without costume. >Return to McDonald's, see sign with "no dogs allowed" stuff. >See picture of plague doctor with cross-out thing on it. >LOL.
O Legend of the Plague Doctor Anonymous >Dress up as plague doctor. >Walk down street to McDonalds. >Enter, walk to counter. >Hot blond girl turns around and screams. >Put on deep voice. >"DO NOT BE AFRAID, CHILD!" >Wave arms, leap onto counter. >Kickover register and charity jar. >Raise hands into air. >"PURRRRIFFFFYYYYYYYYY!" >Manager storms in, appears angry. >Moonwalk. >Kick fat kid's McFlurry from hands. >"You are fat. You need not this." >Tip hat to manager, jump from counter. >Head for door, see bitch/hot girl from high school. >She has fries, is staring with gaping jaw. >Sprint to her. >Grab her fries, slap her. >Manager shouts, tries to grab hat. >Spin around, slap him across face. >"UNHAND ME, MALE OF BROWN SKIN! >Sparta kick the door. >Run out of store. >Walk the dinosaur. >Go home, leave without costume. >Return to McDonald's, see sign with "no dogs allowed" stuff. >See picture of plague doctor with cross-out thing on it. >LOL.

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Anon is trolled by artists | /r/Greentext


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Anon shoots a burglar | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous = 01/10/21(Sun)03:54:34 No.47924637 >burglar breaks into your house to steal stuff >you're in the living room watching tv, with a revolver right next to you >he sees you, grabs a lamp and swings it at you trying to knock you 83 KB JPG unconscious >he misses, you grab your revolver and shoot him in the chest >he falls down incapacitated >you call 911 >they send an ambulance taking him to the hospital >you shot him in one of his lungs, causing it to collapse so the doctors had to remove it >you have to pay for an organ donor, costing more than what he would have stolen if he got away with robbing your house wat do /k/?
: Anonymous = 01/10/21(Sun)03:54:34 No.47924637 >burglar breaks into your house to steal stuff >you're in the living room watching tv, with a revolver right next to you >he sees you, grabs a lamp and swings it at you trying to knock you 83 KB JPG unconscious >he misses, you grab your revolver and shoot him in the chest >he falls down incapacitated >you call 911 >they send an ambulance taking him to the hospital >you shot him in one of his lungs, causing it to collapse so the doctors had to remove it >you have to pay for an organ donor, costing more than what he would have stolen if he got away with robbing your house wat do /k/?

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anons uncle pranks him | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/21/21(Thu)11:19:32 No.845392869 >be me >at bar >random cute girl starts to flirt with me >we go back to my place >fuckfest2021.xml 49 KB JPG >dump load after load in her >after a night of intense sex we are laying there >she says 'anon, i got to tell you something' >'whats that?" >she rubs make up off face >its my uncle >'haha! April fools' >'but its Janu-' >'every year you fall for this anon. Haha see you next year f--, thanks for the c--! >he wobbles out of room Guys, my uncle got me good. What a prankster
: Anonymous 01/21/21(Thu)11:19:32 No.845392869 >be me >at bar >random cute girl starts to flirt with me >we go back to my place >fuckfest2021.xml 49 KB JPG >dump load after load in her >after a night of intense sex we are laying there >she says 'anon, i got to tell you something' >'whats that?" >she rubs make up off face >its my uncle >'haha! April fools' >'but its Janu-' >'every year you fall for this anon. Haha see you next year f--, thanks for the c--! >he wobbles out of room Guys, my uncle got me good. What a prankster

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