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Anon believes in democracy | /r/Greentext


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anon celebrates his birthday | /r/Greentext

>be me >having 18th birthday at home >pretty chill time with friends >brother asks if me I want to see his Minecraft world >tell him to go away >see he's hurt >feel guilty and say l'll check it out later >never check it >a few months later, brother gets leukemia >pray he gets better >he doesn't >brother dies >feels like s--- >turn 21 >packing stuff up for college >notice brother's old laptop >for some reason, remembers broken promise >charge up computer >boot up Minecraft >see world named "HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANON!!!" >load up world >beginning to tear up at this point >world loads >look around and see cake everywhere >giant pixel cake in front of me >balloons across the sky >turn around and see "HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY" built with blocks >under b-day message is a sign >sign says "happy birthday anon. You're the best brother ever. :DDD" >f------ cry for hours
>be me >having 18th birthday at home >pretty chill time with friends >brother asks if me I want to see his Minecraft world >tell him to go away >see he's hurt >feel guilty and say l'll check it out later >never check it >a few months later, brother gets leukemia >pray he gets better >he doesn't >brother dies >feels like s--- >turn 21 >packing stuff up for college >notice brother's old laptop >for some reason, remembers broken promise >charge up computer >boot up Minecraft >see world named "HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANON!!!" >load up world >beginning to tear up at this point >world loads >look around and see cake everywhere >giant pixel cake in front of me >balloons across the sky >turn around and see "HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY" built with blocks >under b-day message is a sign >sign says "happy birthday anon. You're the best brother ever. :DDD" >f------ cry for hours

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Anon is home alone | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: k9T6Wmnk) 04/17/12(Tue)06:40:56 No.393964882 >lay in bed s------- pants for 4 days because my dads out of town and i got the house to myself >burglar breaks in >kicks open my door >lazily fling s--- at him >burglar takes off mask >its my dad >explains he suspected i was the s--- shittington of shitton shire >admit i am >everything was better than i expected. Anonymous (ID: NSVGHUPO) 04/17/12(Tue)06:43:03 No.393965093 >>393964882 dude what
Anonymous (ID: k9T6Wmnk) 04/17/12(Tue)06:40:56 No.393964882 >lay in bed s------- pants for 4 days because my dads out of town and i got the house to myself >burglar breaks in >kicks open my door >lazily fling s--- at him >burglar takes off mask >its my dad >explains he suspected i was the s--- shittington of shitton shire >admit i am >everything was better than i expected. Anonymous (ID: NSVGHUPO) 04/17/12(Tue)06:43:03 No.393965093 >>393964882 dude what

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Anon is american | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/15/17(Fri)01:35:55 No.753827470 >>753827365 # >be american >internet is blocked >bored >go outside >get shot >>753827522 # >>753827523 #
: Anonymous 12/15/17(Fri)01:35:55 No.753827470 >>753827365 # >be american >internet is blocked >bored >go outside >get shot >>753827522 # >>753827523 #

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Anon plays D&D | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 09/25/11(Sun)23:15 No. 16426614 File1317006946 jpg-(96 KB, 634x456, sir bearington.jpg) >Make a bear character in D&D 3.5 >DM laughs >Make bear a rogue, put every point I can into disguise >Prestige class as a spy to get more disguise >DM says I can't speak english >Max out bluff >By growling and gesturing, I can fake speaking a language I don't speak (english) >use money to hire a butler NPC >Give him magical item to let him speak bear "GROWWWWWL" "An excellent suggestion, Mister Bearington. We really should ask the group to investigate the Black Marsh >Over the course of the game, be knighted as Sir Bearington >Queen holds a dinner in my honor. >A guest becomes the first man to ever make a perception check that can beat my disguise >Shouts out loud "HEY, THAT GUY'S NOT A GUY, HE'S JUST A BEAR!" >Man is escorted out of the castle while the guards apologise profusely for the indignity "We're so sorry, Sir Bearington, very sorry for this man's behavior" "ROAR" "shrug"
O Anonymous 09/25/11(Sun)23:15 No. 16426614 File1317006946 jpg-(96 KB, 634x456, sir bearington.jpg) >Make a bear character in D&D 3.5 >DM laughs >Make bear a rogue, put every point I can into disguise >Prestige class as a spy to get more disguise >DM says I can't speak english >Max out bluff >By growling and gesturing, I can fake speaking a language I don't speak (english) >use money to hire a butler NPC >Give him magical item to let him speak bear "GROWWWWWL" "An excellent suggestion, Mister Bearington. We really should ask the group to investigate the Black Marsh >Over the course of the game, be knighted as Sir Bearington >Queen holds a dinner in my honor. >A guest becomes the first man to ever make a perception check that can beat my disguise >Shouts out loud "HEY, THAT GUY'S NOT A GUY, HE'S JUST A BEAR!" >Man is escorted out of the castle while the guards apologise profusely for the indignity "We're so sorry, Sir Bearington, very sorry for this man's behavior" "ROAR" "shrug"

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anon turns on his friend | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 399044708 16 mins ago >>399044395 (OP) >be me >finally get a decent computer for that time (i live in australia so we're always behind other countries) >about 10 >befriend a guy from europe on 640.5 kB PNG runescape >we become best buds >he messages me everytime I logon without fail >we skill together >we slay hill giants together >one day login >he tells me he got rune armour >says his gonna go in wildy and wants me to come >decide to go with him >he gets attack by ranger but we kill them >european friend low on health >pull out my rune scimmy start hitting him >kill him >he messages me "w-- bro i thought we friends" >take his armour >block him and logout crying I-I hope his well.
Anonymous | 399044708 16 mins ago >>399044395 (OP) >be me >finally get a decent computer for that time (i live in australia so we're always behind other countries) >about 10 >befriend a guy from europe on 640.5 kB PNG runescape >we become best buds >he messages me everytime I logon without fail >we skill together >we slay hill giants together >one day login >he tells me he got rune armour >says his gonna go in wildy and wants me to come >decide to go with him >he gets attack by ranger but we kill them >european friend low on health >pull out my rune scimmy start hitting him >kill him >he messages me "w-- bro i thought we friends" >take his armour >block him and logout crying I-I hope his well.

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Anon is a cuban | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: /MYZSLKU )E Life of a Cuban 01/17/21(Sun)04:26:34 No.303241169 >wake up >Prepare Morning coffee >f---, we're outta coffee >No prob, try with milk >F---, we're outta milk >Get ready to work >S----- people, s----- salary >Go to store to buy coffee and 6 KB PNG milk >No stores have coffee or milk >Go to house >Watch the state payed news where they say every shop is selling coffee and milk >Fuckingliars.jpg >Go to Sleep
: Anonymous (ID: /MYZSLKU )E Life of a Cuban 01/17/21(Sun)04:26:34 No.303241169 >wake up >Prepare Morning coffee >f---, we're outta coffee >No prob, try with milk >F---, we're outta milk >Get ready to work >S----- people, s----- salary >Go to store to buy coffee and 6 KB PNG milk >No stores have coffee or milk >Go to house >Watch the state payed news where they say every shop is selling coffee and milk >Fuckingliars.jpg >Go to Sleep

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Anon tries edibles | /r/Greentext

>work s----- retail job >coworker brings in edibles one day >get super high with everyone at work >feelsgoodman.png >decide I wanna make my own edibles >next weekend make firecrackers 100 KB JPG >recommended dose is .10 grams per cracker >put 1G per cracker because I'm autistic >invite over friends to come get high >eat the firecrackers >5/10 taste because of so much weed >waiting for edibles to kick in >45 minutes later >decide to watch shrek the musical >edibles start to kick in >immediately filled with regret >can't move >can't speak >look over at friends >one friend is praying to Jesus >he's an atheist >other friend is quietly talking to himself about lizards >still can't move >begin to have panic attack >think I'm dying >this whole time shrek the musical is still playing >can't reach phone to call for help >think my last moment in life will be dying to shrek the musical >suddenly pass out >wake up 15 hours later >friends are super mad at me >worth it
>work s----- retail job >coworker brings in edibles one day >get super high with everyone at work >feelsgoodman.png >decide I wanna make my own edibles >next weekend make firecrackers 100 KB JPG >recommended dose is .10 grams per cracker >put 1G per cracker because I'm autistic >invite over friends to come get high >eat the firecrackers >5/10 taste because of so much weed >waiting for edibles to kick in >45 minutes later >decide to watch shrek the musical >edibles start to kick in >immediately filled with regret >can't move >can't speak >look over at friends >one friend is praying to Jesus >he's an atheist >other friend is quietly talking to himself about lizards >still can't move >begin to have panic attack >think I'm dying >this whole time shrek the musical is still playing >can't reach phone to call for help >think my last moment in life will be dying to shrek the musical >suddenly pass out >wake up 15 hours later >friends are super mad at me >worth it

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Anon is confused | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/19/21(Tue)09:51:53 No.845195326 .com.google.Chrome.jpg 9 KB JPG >be you >"be me" >but I'm me >what be you?
: Anonymous 01/19/21(Tue)09:51:53 No.845195326 .com.google.Chrome.jpg 9 KB JPG >be you >"be me" >but I'm me >what be you?

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Anon tries venison | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/19/18(Sun)11:30:03 No.47607921 Scaring childhood event thread. I'll go first: >be me >13 years ago >6th grade >on my way home from school 6 KB JPG >see dead deer on the side of the road >deer has extremely bloated stomach >want to know what's inside >get an idea on how to open it >jump on the deer >it erupts and spews rancid deer guts all over my body >it gets in my mouth and eyes causing me to vomit >l walk the rest of the way home >my mom has to rinse me off with the garden hose I still can't eat any kind of fish without throwing up because it's reminiscent of the smell
: Anonymous 08/19/18(Sun)11:30:03 No.47607921 Scaring childhood event thread. I'll go first: >be me >13 years ago >6th grade >on my way home from school 6 KB JPG >see dead deer on the side of the road >deer has extremely bloated stomach >want to know what's inside >get an idea on how to open it >jump on the deer >it erupts and spews rancid deer guts all over my body >it gets in my mouth and eyes causing me to vomit >l walk the rest of the way home >my mom has to rinse me off with the garden hose I still can't eat any kind of fish without throwing up because it's reminiscent of the smell

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anon runs into Christian Bale | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 10/26/12(Fri)19:48 No.26791073 File: 1351295311728.jpg-(24 KB, 300x440, christian_bale_2.jpg) >>26790856 >at grocery store >man is checking out in front of me >it's mother f------ Lord God Christian Bale >"That'll be 26.77 sir" >Bale looks the girl in the f------ eyes with the most intense glare imaginable >"No it isn't." >girl starts sweating, hands fumbling >"Umm, sorry sir, I, uh, must have been, oh please God, umm, wrong." >Bale nods slowly >"Bag my mother f------ groceries." >girl carefully puts stuff in the bags >Bale watches carefully with a stoic glance of pure Alpha >"Watch the eggs, I promised my daughter a cake." >girl starts shaking even harder, manages to finish bagging. >Bale stares at her blankly for a few moments, he doesn't move. >"Thanks." >hands her a fifty >"keep the change." >starts to walk away, stops and turns around >hands her another fifty >nods to cashier with a slight smile >looks at me >ohfuck.jpeg >smiles and winks at me >Bale walks out >cashier wont even ring me up, she starts masturbating on the spot >I start masturbating too >Bale's face when
O Anonymous 10/26/12(Fri)19:48 No.26791073 File: 1351295311728.jpg-(24 KB, 300x440, christian_bale_2.jpg) >>26790856 >at grocery store >man is checking out in front of me >it's mother f------ Lord God Christian Bale >"That'll be 26.77 sir" >Bale looks the girl in the f------ eyes with the most intense glare imaginable >"No it isn't." >girl starts sweating, hands fumbling >"Umm, sorry sir, I, uh, must have been, oh please God, umm, wrong." >Bale nods slowly >"Bag my mother f------ groceries." >girl carefully puts stuff in the bags >Bale watches carefully with a stoic glance of pure Alpha >"Watch the eggs, I promised my daughter a cake." >girl starts shaking even harder, manages to finish bagging. >Bale stares at her blankly for a few moments, he doesn't move. >"Thanks." >hands her a fifty >"keep the change." >starts to walk away, stops and turns around >hands her another fifty >nods to cashier with a slight smile >looks at me >ohfuck.jpeg >smiles and winks at me >Bale walks out >cashier wont even ring me up, she starts masturbating on the spot >I start masturbating too >Bale's face when

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Anon eats pizza | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/17/19(Sun)17:37:40 No.814275656 >be me >go to Papa John's cause it's my favourite $4 >order a large pepperoni pizza >sit and wait >the pizza finally comes >the pepperoni are aligned forming 35 KB JPG a huge red swastika on the middle of the pizza >call the employee >explain the situation >ask for the person who placed the toppings >employee rushes to the kitchen >normie returns now with another emploee >fat 17-year-old with glasses, red spots and a neckbeard >sweats nervously and apologises >instead thank him for the lovely suprise >ask him to join and share the pizza >he happily accepts >had a great day View Thread
: Anonymous 11/17/19(Sun)17:37:40 No.814275656 >be me >go to Papa John's cause it's my favourite $4 >order a large pepperoni pizza >sit and wait >the pizza finally comes >the pepperoni are aligned forming 35 KB JPG a huge red swastika on the middle of the pizza >call the employee >explain the situation >ask for the person who placed the toppings >employee rushes to the kitchen >normie returns now with another emploee >fat 17-year-old with glasses, red spots and a neckbeard >sweats nervously and apologises >instead thank him for the lovely suprise >ask him to join and share the pizza >he happily accepts >had a great day View Thread

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anon is a hero | /r/Greentext

| Anonymous Womanlet Revenge 10/17/17(Tue)20:20:28 No.40480576 >See constant threads about girls s------- on manlets on /r9k/ >Be 6ft 2in white guy >Be borderline sociopathic, barely have any empathy >Use Tinder and match with only 53 KB PNG really short girls >Exclusively seek out shorter girls (5ft 4in or below) >Talk to them and casually bring about short guys >if any of them talk s--- about manlets or say they're gross, I start pursuing them harder >Ask them out with the promise of sex >Take a small bottle of mustard water and hide it in my jacket >Go to the roastie w----- place >Make out or whatever and then right before we're about to f--- ask to be excused and go to the bathroom >down the mustard water >go back to see her >hold back the vomit >When their clothes come off I immediately start vomiting all over and spray it as much as I can >roastie is horrified >I tell them I find their shortness disgusting and I feel l'd be f------ a child >I leave telling them they shouldnt date tall guys and to stick to manlets I've successfully done this 10 times in the last 6 months. They always end up crying or freaking out and I j------- to that thought when I get home. I'm doing this for you my manlet brothers, its not your fault you didn't have the genetic lottery. F--- those roastie w-----. 73 Replies / 21 Images View Thread
| Anonymous Womanlet Revenge 10/17/17(Tue)20:20:28 No.40480576 >See constant threads about girls s------- on manlets on /r9k/ >Be 6ft 2in white guy >Be borderline sociopathic, barely have any empathy >Use Tinder and match with only 53 KB PNG really short girls >Exclusively seek out shorter girls (5ft 4in or below) >Talk to them and casually bring about short guys >if any of them talk s--- about manlets or say they're gross, I start pursuing them harder >Ask them out with the promise of sex >Take a small bottle of mustard water and hide it in my jacket >Go to the roastie w----- place >Make out or whatever and then right before we're about to f--- ask to be excused and go to the bathroom >down the mustard water >go back to see her >hold back the vomit >When their clothes come off I immediately start vomiting all over and spray it as much as I can >roastie is horrified >I tell them I find their shortness disgusting and I feel l'd be f------ a child >I leave telling them they shouldnt date tall guys and to stick to manlets I've successfully done this 10 times in the last 6 months. They always end up crying or freaking out and I j------- to that thought when I get home. I'm doing this for you my manlet brothers, its not your fault you didn't have the genetic lottery. F--- those roastie w-----. 73 Replies / 21 Images View Thread

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Anon discovers friend with benefits | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: 8EHHJ892 11/14/15(Sat)08:14:19 No.55704068 >Watch several ISIS videos because I love gore >The song that plays in them gets stuck in my head >Start humming it to myself 96 KB PNG at work >Muslim coworker puts his hands on my shoulder and says "soon, brother. soon"
: Anonymous (ID: 8EHHJ892 11/14/15(Sat)08:14:19 No.55704068 >Watch several ISIS videos because I love gore >The song that plays in them gets stuck in my head >Start humming it to myself 96 KB PNG at work >Muslim coworker puts his hands on my shoulder and says "soon, brother. soon"

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anon stand up for himself | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/02/14(Sun)22:39:08 No.530509968 >Be me >First day of first grade >Dont really know anybody >See some girl that looks really 1.42 MB GIF cute >l start walking over >Random kid walks up >Says, yo thats my girlfriend >Girl in back starts laughing >So many emotions come forth >Decide the only logical thing to do is punch the f----- in jaw >Yell, "GET WRECKED F------ >Nurse runs up says, "What have you done?" >Turns out I broke the f------ jaw >Never allowed to teach at that school again.
Anonymous 02/02/14(Sun)22:39:08 No.530509968 >Be me >First day of first grade >Dont really know anybody >See some girl that looks really 1.42 MB GIF cute >l start walking over >Random kid walks up >Says, yo thats my girlfriend >Girl in back starts laughing >So many emotions come forth >Decide the only logical thing to do is punch the f----- in jaw >Yell, "GET WRECKED F------ >Nurse runs up says, "What have you done?" >Turns out I broke the f------ jaw >Never allowed to teach at that school again.

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Anon likes being a healer | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/10/21(Sun) 16:18:29 No.206813 healer/medic combat medic.jpg 365 КВ ЈPG When did you realize that playing medic is the chad choice in multiplayer games? >everyone sucking your d--- for heals >be the key player because wipe is assured if you f--- up
: Anonymous 01/10/21(Sun) 16:18:29 No.206813 healer/medic combat medic.jpg 365 КВ ЈPG When did you realize that playing medic is the chad choice in multiplayer games? >everyone sucking your d--- for heals >be the key player because wipe is assured if you f--- up

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Femanon gives you advice | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/23/19(Wed)13:29:31 No.50580097 Femanon here. If you guys wanted a gf all you have to do is take literally reasonably good care of yourself and not look like someone threw acid on your face at birth. Honestly if a guy who was at least 5'11 approached me and asked me out and he didn't seem like a r----- / murderer and was somewhat good looking, l'd go on a 74 KB JPG date with him. Get some confidence, god. : Anonymous 01/23/19(Wed)13:35:28 No.50580197 >>50580097 (OP) # >If you guys wanted a gf all you have to do is take literally reasonably good care of yourself okay good so far >and not look like someone threw acid on your face at birth f--- >at least 5'11 F--- >didn't seem like a r----- / murderer and was somewhat good looking F------ ROASTIE WHY DO YOU THINK WE'RE HERE
: Anonymous 01/23/19(Wed)13:29:31 No.50580097 Femanon here. If you guys wanted a gf all you have to do is take literally reasonably good care of yourself and not look like someone threw acid on your face at birth. Honestly if a guy who was at least 5'11 approached me and asked me out and he didn't seem like a r----- / murderer and was somewhat good looking, l'd go on a 74 KB JPG date with him. Get some confidence, god. : Anonymous 01/23/19(Wed)13:35:28 No.50580197 >>50580097 (OP) # >If you guys wanted a gf all you have to do is take literally reasonably good care of yourself okay good so far >and not look like someone threw acid on your face at birth f--- >at least 5'11 F--- >didn't seem like a r----- / murderer and was somewhat good looking F------ ROASTIE WHY DO YOU THINK WE'RE HERE

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anon is still working on it | /r/Greentext

>be me >7 years old >bully picking on me >'haha anon, you will always be a virgin. You're such a f----- >'oh yeah m-----------? I'll show you! I'll have sex with a girl!! 29 KB JPG >20 years later Still working on it
>be me >7 years old >bully picking on me >'haha anon, you will always be a virgin. You're such a f----- >'oh yeah m-----------? I'll show you! I'll have sex with a girl!! 29 KB JPG >20 years later Still working on it

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Anon is suicidal | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/20/19(Wed)23:01:42 No.55439257 >wanting to kill yourself >remembering your chances of spawning back as indian are too high 280 KB GIF
: Anonymous 11/20/19(Wed)23:01:42 No.55439257 >wanting to kill yourself >remembering your chances of spawning back as indian are too high 280 KB GIF

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Anon HATES KIDS | /r/Greentext

No.845143449 3 hours ago 1610975182910.jpg JPG 76.8 KiB 720x894 DO NOT HAVE KIDS. ts not worth it. >They scream >they cry >they dont sleep >they dont do anything right >they can't eat on their own >they spit up every meal >they throw their toy and then cry about it >they cry when they arent held >they cry when you dont look at them for a split second >they pull your hair >they try to suffocate themselves in their sleep >they try to eat everything >they get infections and skin conditions >they poop everywhere >they pee on you
No.845143449 3 hours ago 1610975182910.jpg JPG 76.8 KiB 720x894 DO NOT HAVE KIDS. ts not worth it. >They scream >they cry >they dont sleep >they dont do anything right >they can't eat on their own >they spit up every meal >they throw their toy and then cry about it >they cry when they arent held >they cry when you dont look at them for a split second >they pull your hair >they try to suffocate themselves in their sleep >they try to eat everything >they get infections and skin conditions >they poop everywhere >they pee on you

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