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Anon is from Scotland, Alabama | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/17/21(Sun)18:17:00 No.845086842 My whole family is weird as f---. >at 8 my older cousin used to make me come in to the bathroom when she was peeing and she'd constantly flash me >at 10 older cousin used to make me compare our d---- when he'd babysit me >at 13 my twin sister used to use a screwdriver to unlock the bathroom door and jump in the shower with me >at 15 older cousin from first story got drunk and gave me a h------- >at 17 when i returned from uni my twin sister sneaked in to my room and slept naked in my bed >at 18 my dad died and mom got super clingy, used to make me watch films and drink with her, cuddling on the couch and she'd stroke my leg >at 22 my mom, drunk and getting ready for a date, tearfully asked me to shave her p---- as she was too scared to do it (I did it to shut her up) >at 23 my twin sister left her boyfriend and moved in with me, drunkenly gave me a b------- as "thanks" >at 24 mom literally came on to me (drunk, obviously) Personally I think there's something in the water in Scotland.
: Anonymous 01/17/21(Sun)18:17:00 No.845086842 My whole family is weird as f---. >at 8 my older cousin used to make me come in to the bathroom when she was peeing and she'd constantly flash me >at 10 older cousin used to make me compare our d---- when he'd babysit me >at 13 my twin sister used to use a screwdriver to unlock the bathroom door and jump in the shower with me >at 15 older cousin from first story got drunk and gave me a h------- >at 17 when i returned from uni my twin sister sneaked in to my room and slept naked in my bed >at 18 my dad died and mom got super clingy, used to make me watch films and drink with her, cuddling on the couch and she'd stroke my leg >at 22 my mom, drunk and getting ready for a date, tearfully asked me to shave her p---- as she was too scared to do it (I did it to shut her up) >at 23 my twin sister left her boyfriend and moved in with me, drunkenly gave me a b------- as "thanks" >at 24 mom literally came on to me (drunk, obviously) Personally I think there's something in the water in Scotland.

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Anon gets all the bitches | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 51 minutes ago 43297510 >be me >c-- into toilet >flush >c-- gets to sewage >then to ocean >c-- in ocean >gets hot >evaporates >rain in russia >gets bottled >sold >qt3.14 drinks it >technically sucked my d--- Later, virgins 2 REPLIES
Anonymous 51 minutes ago 43297510 >be me >c-- into toilet >flush >c-- gets to sewage >then to ocean >c-- in ocean >gets hot >evaporates >rain in russia >gets bottled >sold >qt3.14 drinks it >technically sucked my d--- Later, virgins 2 REPLIES

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Anon find happiness | /r/Greentext

>>96970883 # >Have lifelong childhood best friend who is a girl >We swear 100% never to be boyfriend and girlfriend >Come 18 we're f------ like rabbits >Married her at 25. >>96983342 # Anonymous 11/22/17(Wed) 15:10:37 No.9698334 >>96978978 # How does happiness feel anon? Care to share it with us?
>>96970883 # >Have lifelong childhood best friend who is a girl >We swear 100% never to be boyfriend and girlfriend >Come 18 we're f------ like rabbits >Married her at 25. >>96983342 # Anonymous 11/22/17(Wed) 15:10:37 No.9698334 >>96978978 # How does happiness feel anon? Care to share it with us?

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Anon is lonely | /r/Greentext

> be me, 19 ylo at family social gathering > small cousin wakes up and joins us > he has a girl beside him, they had a sleepover the night prior 1.47 MB GIF > mom sees this and takes her opportunity in front of entire f------ family > "aww that's so cute...anon, look even he has a girlfriend. when are you going to bring one home?" WHY
> be me, 19 ylo at family social gathering > small cousin wakes up and joins us > he has a girl beside him, they had a sleepover the night prior 1.47 MB GIF > mom sees this and takes her opportunity in front of entire f------ family > "aww that's so cute...anon, look even he has a girlfriend. when are you going to bring one home?" WHY

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anon goes to a skate park | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/17/21(Sun)15:29:19 No.845076177 *CLAP* *CLAP* peepoclap.png 91 KB PNG >at skate park with friends >trying to do tricks >best we can do are s----- kickflips and alis >guy in a wheelchair is watching us >guy doesn't say anything just stares at us >about an hour passes and he rolls over to us >'hey kids, you wanna see a awesome trick?' >we all say yeah >mfw he screams 'WWWWWEEE' and rolls himself into on coming traffic and gets hit my a semi
: Anonymous 01/17/21(Sun)15:29:19 No.845076177 *CLAP* *CLAP* peepoclap.png 91 KB PNG >at skate park with friends >trying to do tricks >best we can do are s----- kickflips and alis >guy in a wheelchair is watching us >guy doesn't say anything just stares at us >about an hour passes and he rolls over to us >'hey kids, you wanna see a awesome trick?' >we all say yeah >mfw he screams 'WWWWWEEE' and rolls himself into on coming traffic and gets hit my a semi

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Anon is in college | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous (ID: 51qFoZOC) 05/02/13(Thu)13:42:29 No.477229176 Replies: >>477229531 >>477230409 >>477228380 I got one >Be freshman in college >first time smoking weed >already trashed on whiskey >twist hard >wonder down to a frat house >post up outside and pretend to be security >brothers let me and eventually leave >asking people for IDs for about an hour >whole time drinking hard liquor >2 cops come up the stairs and ask to come in >ask them for IDs >"We are the f------ cops, we are going to come in." >I say "riddle me this..." then proceed to puke on one of them. >They stagger back in shock >Ohfuck > run my drunk ass back to my dorm >Shave my head and beard >see cops every day patrolling the campus >never recognize me I regret nothing o Anonymous (ID: 5hfqNDuo) 05/02/13(Thu)13:44:45 No.477229531 >>477229176 F------ loled
O Anonymous (ID: 51qFoZOC) 05/02/13(Thu)13:42:29 No.477229176 Replies: >>477229531 >>477230409 >>477228380 I got one >Be freshman in college >first time smoking weed >already trashed on whiskey >twist hard >wonder down to a frat house >post up outside and pretend to be security >brothers let me and eventually leave >asking people for IDs for about an hour >whole time drinking hard liquor >2 cops come up the stairs and ask to come in >ask them for IDs >"We are the f------ cops, we are going to come in." >I say "riddle me this..." then proceed to puke on one of them. >They stagger back in shock >Ohfuck > run my drunk ass back to my dorm >Shave my head and beard >see cops every day patrolling the campus >never recognize me I regret nothing o Anonymous (ID: 5hfqNDuo) 05/02/13(Thu)13:44:45 No.477229531 >>477229176 F------ loled

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Anon has a relationship | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/17/21(Sun)10:25:24 No.61902734 Is my girlfriend on the spectrum or is she just boring? >be me 23 >start dating a girl from my uni >been going on for a few months now >ask her what her interests are on our first date >"oh i like neutral colors and silence" 246 KB PNG >uh ok >have the TV on at one point when she's over she immediately shuts it off without asking >why did you do that? >"i hate TV and movies they are loud and annoying" >think that maybe she just didnt like what i had on and leave it alone >turns out she actually just hates all form of media except music >ends up never wanting to go out because she doesnt like large crowds >always has to be busy constantly organizing her room and other things >very stiff sense of humor >sex is bad refuses to give or recieve anything and only ever wants me on top What am I in for here lads? I gotta admit this relationship is kinda f------ boring
Anonymous 01/17/21(Sun)10:25:24 No.61902734 Is my girlfriend on the spectrum or is she just boring? >be me 23 >start dating a girl from my uni >been going on for a few months now >ask her what her interests are on our first date >"oh i like neutral colors and silence" 246 KB PNG >uh ok >have the TV on at one point when she's over she immediately shuts it off without asking >why did you do that? >"i hate TV and movies they are loud and annoying" >think that maybe she just didnt like what i had on and leave it alone >turns out she actually just hates all form of media except music >ends up never wanting to go out because she doesnt like large crowds >always has to be busy constantly organizing her room and other things >very stiff sense of humor >sex is bad refuses to give or recieve anything and only ever wants me on top What am I in for here lads? I gotta admit this relationship is kinda f------ boring

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Anon's achievement | /r/Greentext

>be me >get new puzzle >25 pieces >finish it in 6 months >be proud >box said 2-4 years What have you accomplished anons?
>be me >get new puzzle >25 pieces >finish it in 6 months >be proud >box said 2-4 years What have you accomplished anons?

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Anon gets into an embarrasing situation | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/01/18(Tue)01:46:12 No.767319186 Aight f--- i got one for you >be me, 5 >in bed with my dad cause renovating Erection in progress >ask dad what he dreams about >"hot girls, anon" >suddenly get erection for some reason >dont know what an erection is 15 KB JPG >go to bathroom to pee >rub my d--- by accident >feelsgoodman.jpg >fast forward 2 days >watching fashiontv for some reason >get erect >everyone around me >pulls out d--- and start rubbing it >orgasm >no c-- cause 5 >mom notices and screams "ANON WHAT ARE YOU DOING" >gets beaten >fast forward a few years >discovers what m----------- and erection are >mfw i remember jerking off in front of parents So hows it going /b/
: Anonymous 05/01/18(Tue)01:46:12 No.767319186 Aight f--- i got one for you >be me, 5 >in bed with my dad cause renovating Erection in progress >ask dad what he dreams about >"hot girls, anon" >suddenly get erection for some reason >dont know what an erection is 15 KB JPG >go to bathroom to pee >rub my d--- by accident >feelsgoodman.jpg >fast forward 2 days >watching fashiontv for some reason >get erect >everyone around me >pulls out d--- and start rubbing it >orgasm >no c-- cause 5 >mom notices and screams "ANON WHAT ARE YOU DOING" >gets beaten >fast forward a few years >discovers what m----------- and erection are >mfw i remember jerking off in front of parents So hows it going /b/

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Anon's being friendzoned | /r/Greentext

File : 1326146785 png-(23 KB, 300x289, 1318785391707. png) Anonymous 01/09/12(Mon)17:06:25 No.373179525 >only had 1 friend in my childhood >she was femanon >fall in love with her >friendzoned >stay friends as she's all I got >both move to different uni after highschool >0 friends at uni >try to stay in contact with her >epic ignore >go visit her at her university as a suprise >see her kissing some alpha >oka >talk to her the next day >was nice, still friendzone >don't see for years after that >decide to do something with my life >join the army >get sent to fight somewhere in the east >be there for a few years >made 1 friend in army, >he got shot and died >think about the girl I love everyday >write her letters >no response >leave the army after returning home >buy own house >after a few years the girl comes to my house >she's in deep s--- and has nowhere else to go >happiest time of my life >still can't bear only being friends with her >tell girl I love her (again) >everything went better than expected >have sex with her >next morning >she's not in the house anymore >don't see her for a few years again >few years later I get a message from her > go visit girl >she has a child >my child >wants go marry me >we get married >1 year later she dies >single father >no chance of ever getting a woman again >my name is forest gump Preload images (1/3: /b/ Eynand images
File : 1326146785 png-(23 KB, 300x289, 1318785391707. png) Anonymous 01/09/12(Mon)17:06:25 No.373179525 >only had 1 friend in my childhood >she was femanon >fall in love with her >friendzoned >stay friends as she's all I got >both move to different uni after highschool >0 friends at uni >try to stay in contact with her >epic ignore >go visit her at her university as a suprise >see her kissing some alpha >oka >talk to her the next day >was nice, still friendzone >don't see for years after that >decide to do something with my life >join the army >get sent to fight somewhere in the east >be there for a few years >made 1 friend in army, >he got shot and died >think about the girl I love everyday >write her letters >no response >leave the army after returning home >buy own house >after a few years the girl comes to my house >she's in deep s--- and has nowhere else to go >happiest time of my life >still can't bear only being friends with her >tell girl I love her (again) >everything went better than expected >have sex with her >next morning >she's not in the house anymore >don't see her for a few years again >few years later I get a message from her > go visit girl >she has a child >my child >wants go marry me >we get married >1 year later she dies >single father >no chance of ever getting a woman again >my name is forest gump Preload images (1/3: /b/ Eynand images

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anon and his coach have a 'relationship' | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/17/21(Sun)08:46:11 No.845052037 >in middle school >playing football >get injured >coach helps me to school nurse >nurse examines me >'anon i understand the sprained ankle, but how did you get a rectal 22 KB JPG prolapse from football?' >nervously look at coach >he angerly gives me the cutthroat gesture >i.i got ran into real hard while farting' >coach walks me back to practice >mfw he whispers 'after practice, i'm going to push that bad boy back in'
: Anonymous 01/17/21(Sun)08:46:11 No.845052037 >in middle school >playing football >get injured >coach helps me to school nurse >nurse examines me >'anon i understand the sprained ankle, but how did you get a rectal 22 KB JPG prolapse from football?' >nervously look at coach >he angerly gives me the cutthroat gesture >i.i got ran into real hard while farting' >coach walks me back to practice >mfw he whispers 'after practice, i'm going to push that bad boy back in'

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Anon does vector Calculus | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/18/11(Fri)01:36:0 No.310225797 >Meet hot girl in nightclub >Asks me back to her place >Feel like a f------ win >Doesn't tell me she lives with her parents >Dad waiting up for her although she's 22 >Big scary looking f----- orders me to sleep on couch in front room >Girl and Dad go to bed, leaving me on couch >I am disappoint >Suddenly, feel a s--- coming >Don't know where bathroom is >Don't want to risk wrath of Dad if I walk into wrong room >Trying to hold but can't >Take off sock >S--- in sock >It's a watery beer-soaked s--- >See upper window is partially open >Decide that is where I should throw sock >Spin sock in hand to gain momentum >Watery s--- sprays out netted socks >whatwasithinking jpeg >Beer-s--- all over front room >Swiftly exit the house >Avoid the nightclub where I met the girl for the next 10 f------ years
Anonymous 02/18/11(Fri)01:36:0 No.310225797 >Meet hot girl in nightclub >Asks me back to her place >Feel like a f------ win >Doesn't tell me she lives with her parents >Dad waiting up for her although she's 22 >Big scary looking f----- orders me to sleep on couch in front room >Girl and Dad go to bed, leaving me on couch >I am disappoint >Suddenly, feel a s--- coming >Don't know where bathroom is >Don't want to risk wrath of Dad if I walk into wrong room >Trying to hold but can't >Take off sock >S--- in sock >It's a watery beer-soaked s--- >See upper window is partially open >Decide that is where I should throw sock >Spin sock in hand to gain momentum >Watery s--- sprays out netted socks >whatwasithinking jpeg >Beer-s--- all over front room >Swiftly exit the house >Avoid the nightclub where I met the girl for the next 10 f------ years

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Anon takes a test | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/17/15(Wed)13:45:14 No.622330744 Retarded stories thread >be me >be in first grade >taking test >teacher tells us if we can't do a 100 KB JPG problem, put a smile face >middle of test >look up at teacher >smile as hard as I can >hold smile for a solid 2 mins >mfw placed into special Ed next week
: Anonymous 06/17/15(Wed)13:45:14 No.622330744 Retarded stories thread >be me >be in first grade >taking test >teacher tells us if we can't do a 100 KB JPG problem, put a smile face >middle of test >look up at teacher >smile as hard as I can >hold smile for a solid 2 mins >mfw placed into special Ed next week

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Anon's getting dumped by jis girlfriend | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/14/13(Fri)15:57:55 No.487006667 >be 22 >dumped by 9/10 >little to no contact now >9/10 used to bring her siberian husky pup, Roscoe, to my house daily >3 months later >lightbulb.png >devise a plan to kidnap Roscoe while she is at work >kidnap roscoe >hugs and kisses. He's missed me >see on Facebook she posted her dog as a runaway >don't comment >going according to my plan >hangout with Roscoe for a few days >call 9/10 "Roscoe just showed up at my house!" >she shows up in tears and thanks me >"You're welcome. It was really good to see Roscoe.a-a-and you." >smiles, hugs me and leaves >f---, I have to try again >wait another week >kidnap Roscoe again >once more, call her with the good news >she show's up while Roscoe and I are playing in the yard >"Wow he must really miss you I guess, Anon." >"Heh, yeah, I have missed him to." >"He's not the only one who's missed you.." >kiss the bitch and ask her to stay >MFW I got my girlfriend back by kidnapping her dog
Anonymous 06/14/13(Fri)15:57:55 No.487006667 >be 22 >dumped by 9/10 >little to no contact now >9/10 used to bring her siberian husky pup, Roscoe, to my house daily >3 months later >lightbulb.png >devise a plan to kidnap Roscoe while she is at work >kidnap roscoe >hugs and kisses. He's missed me >see on Facebook she posted her dog as a runaway >don't comment >going according to my plan >hangout with Roscoe for a few days >call 9/10 "Roscoe just showed up at my house!" >she shows up in tears and thanks me >"You're welcome. It was really good to see Roscoe.a-a-and you." >smiles, hugs me and leaves >f---, I have to try again >wait another week >kidnap Roscoe again >once more, call her with the good news >she show's up while Roscoe and I are playing in the yard >"Wow he must really miss you I guess, Anon." >"Heh, yeah, I have missed him to." >"He's not the only one who's missed you.." >kiss the bitch and ask her to stay >MFW I got my girlfriend back by kidnapping her dog

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Anon tries to help | /r/Greentext

I don't get women, advice needed >be me >10 minutes ago >lockdown got all the women going 68 KB JPG crazy >at work, in the parking lot, scraping my windshield clean >women I work with (4/10) opposite, failing to scrape her car >walk over, offering my antifreeze and scraper | because l'm a decent human >she starts freaking out, saying not to get too close >say I'm trying to help her and explain that l'm not trying to r--- her (happened before in the parking lot) >she goes silent and walks back into the office >boss wants a meeting tomorrow morning >mfw what do?
I don't get women, advice needed >be me >10 minutes ago >lockdown got all the women going 68 KB JPG crazy >at work, in the parking lot, scraping my windshield clean >women I work with (4/10) opposite, failing to scrape her car >walk over, offering my antifreeze and scraper | because l'm a decent human >she starts freaking out, saying not to get too close >say I'm trying to help her and explain that l'm not trying to r--- her (happened before in the parking lot) >she goes silent and walks back into the office >boss wants a meeting tomorrow morning >mfw what do?

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Anon has a close call | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/16/21(Sat)00:46:57 No.844936732 >be me >14 years old >cool edgy teen >get new maths teacher in school >Iranian dude, wore religious attire >start calling him Sadam >he starts noticing the explosion sounds we keep making at the back of the class 325 KB JPG >he seems cool with it and laughs with us >one day, a new math teacher turns up >get called into the head teachers office after class >panic.exe >think up excuses for not being racist >head teacher tells us he was a convicted sex p-------- >relief.png >mfw
: Anonymous 01/16/21(Sat)00:46:57 No.844936732 >be me >14 years old >cool edgy teen >get new maths teacher in school >Iranian dude, wore religious attire >start calling him Sadam >he starts noticing the explosion sounds we keep making at the back of the class 325 KB JPG >he seems cool with it and laughs with us >one day, a new math teacher turns up >get called into the head teachers office after class >panic.exe >think up excuses for not being racist >head teacher tells us he was a convicted sex p-------- >relief.png >mfw

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Anon does hiest | /r/Greentext


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Anon misses the old days | /r/Greentext


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Anon has gymnast GF | /r/Greentext


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anon got rejected | /r/Greentext


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