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anon has an argument | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 47733285 1 hr. ago •.. >l just lost an argument in my head against a person that doesn't even exist >l even stuttered 48.1 kB PNG 2 REPLIES O IMAGES REPLY
Anonymous | 47733285 1 hr. ago •.. >l just lost an argument in my head against a person that doesn't even exist >l even stuttered 48.1 kB PNG 2 REPLIES O IMAGES REPLY

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Anon explains why he hates Reddit | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/14/21(Thu)14:14:18 No.844836247 200T >The human likes to feel like it belongs >Dopamine is released making us feel good when people like us >Upvotes on as post are a clear indication of how many people agree with tumble facetn 272 KB JPG you, giving you a small dopamine rush >Controversial, difficult, or unpopular talking points are ignored, downvoted, or removed >Uninspired, easy, popular, items are upvoted to the top where even more people can see them and upvote them >The only visible content is safe, mild, hivemind garbage Reddit started going downhill around 2016 but I had to leave last year. Absolute asscheeks >>844837638 #
: Anonymous 01/14/21(Thu)14:14:18 No.844836247 200T >The human likes to feel like it belongs >Dopamine is released making us feel good when people like us >Upvotes on as post are a clear indication of how many people agree with tumble facetn 272 KB JPG you, giving you a small dopamine rush >Controversial, difficult, or unpopular talking points are ignored, downvoted, or removed >Uninspired, easy, popular, items are upvoted to the top where even more people can see them and upvote them >The only visible content is safe, mild, hivemind garbage Reddit started going downhill around 2016 but I had to leave last year. Absolute asscheeks >>844837638 #

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Anon gets a wife | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/06/20(Tue)18:49:24 No.837338101 >Be me >Wagie at fast food restaurant >Be assigned to train new girl >7/10 Nip girl >English is clearly not her first language >When she speaks there is a clear and noticeable accent >Two weeks of on the job training occurs >Teach her just about all the only useful s--- in about two days >Spend the rest of the training period basically shooting the s--- and getting to know each other and sometimes s--- talking particularly annoying or douchey customers >We both work 11-8 shifts, mine are Sunday- Thursday, hers are Monday-Friday >Decide to hang out with each other one Friday after she's off >We spend the night basically driving around, getting food, boring s--- like that >We're at the building she lived in, when she kisses me >End up banging in back seat of my car And that is the origin story of meeting the woman who'd become my wife.
: Anonymous 10/06/20(Tue)18:49:24 No.837338101 >Be me >Wagie at fast food restaurant >Be assigned to train new girl >7/10 Nip girl >English is clearly not her first language >When she speaks there is a clear and noticeable accent >Two weeks of on the job training occurs >Teach her just about all the only useful s--- in about two days >Spend the rest of the training period basically shooting the s--- and getting to know each other and sometimes s--- talking particularly annoying or douchey customers >We both work 11-8 shifts, mine are Sunday- Thursday, hers are Monday-Friday >Decide to hang out with each other one Friday after she's off >We spend the night basically driving around, getting food, boring s--- like that >We're at the building she lived in, when she kisses me >End up banging in back seat of my car And that is the origin story of meeting the woman who'd become my wife.

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anon spikes some coffee | /r/Greentext

File: 1397423706682.jpg-(24 KB, 240x320, image.jpg) Anonymous (ID: bRtEjz9E) 04/13/14(Sun)17:15:06 UTC-4 No.542087314 >Be me >Last day of 8th grade >Really faggy athlete who acts like he's superior to everybody >Me and friends decide to put laxatives on his coffee >More people hear about it >Coffee ends up with 12 laxatives in it >3-4 hours later in gym class >Running laps when suddenly f-- grabs ass >Tries to make it to bathroom but trips >S--- starts running down his shorts >Autistic girl standing behind him >S--- gets all over her legs Autistic girl screams and pukes >Horrid smell fills gym >Makes more kids puke ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING >Puke and s--- all over floor >Gym teacher hurries towards exit but slips in s--- >He pukes all over >Me and friends laughing asses off >Nerdy f-- tells on everyone that put laxatives in his coffee >17 kids expelled from school
File: 1397423706682.jpg-(24 KB, 240x320, image.jpg) Anonymous (ID: bRtEjz9E) 04/13/14(Sun)17:15:06 UTC-4 No.542087314 >Be me >Last day of 8th grade >Really faggy athlete who acts like he's superior to everybody >Me and friends decide to put laxatives on his coffee >More people hear about it >Coffee ends up with 12 laxatives in it >3-4 hours later in gym class >Running laps when suddenly f-- grabs ass >Tries to make it to bathroom but trips >S--- starts running down his shorts >Autistic girl standing behind him >S--- gets all over her legs Autistic girl screams and pukes >Horrid smell fills gym >Makes more kids puke ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING >Puke and s--- all over floor >Gym teacher hurries towards exit but slips in s--- >He pukes all over >Me and friends laughing asses off >Nerdy f-- tells on everyone that put laxatives in his coffee >17 kids expelled from school

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Anon has an experience with skittles | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/14/21(Thu)22:42:50 No.844845888 I may have f----- up here. >About an hour ago >Sitting at my PC >Get bored and decide to put as many skittles as I can under my foreskin 11 KB PNG >Run out of skittles >Continue playing game and forget about them >10 minutes later a take them out, the head of my penis is sticky as f--- >40 minutes later go for a piss >Sit back in chair >Urethra begins to burn like Satan himself >Go to toilet, piss again >Feels like acid >ffw to now and it still burns what now
: Anonymous 01/14/21(Thu)22:42:50 No.844845888 I may have f----- up here. >About an hour ago >Sitting at my PC >Get bored and decide to put as many skittles as I can under my foreskin 11 KB PNG >Run out of skittles >Continue playing game and forget about them >10 minutes later a take them out, the head of my penis is sticky as f--- >40 minutes later go for a piss >Sit back in chair >Urethra begins to burn like Satan himself >Go to toilet, piss again >Feels like acid >ffw to now and it still burns what now

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Anon has game | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 05/24/12(Thu)08:10:11 No.2545562 >be at party >9/10 checking me out >dance with her >stare in eyes >shes got moon earrings >F--- JUST REMEMBERED >run out of party >drive home >spend whole night checking out lunar eclipse >no regrets
O Anonymous 05/24/12(Thu)08:10:11 No.2545562 >be at party >9/10 checking me out >dance with her >stare in eyes >shes got moon earrings >F--- JUST REMEMBERED >run out of party >drive home >spend whole night checking out lunar eclipse >no regrets

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Ano stands up to a chad | /r/Greentext

>be me >xboxfag >more of a casual gamer, just play every now and then >pretty good tho >enjoy my time, distracts me from life 16 KB JPG >enter xxx_pu55yslayer_xxx >f------ chad >always joins my games without me inviting him >f---- up whatever I'm doing >makes fun of me >knows I'm a virgin >lol just get laid anon >f------ chad >one day I'm playing cod just doing my thing >he joins >"lol 1v1 me bro" >f------ fine >epicgamertime.jpg >l rain hell upon him with the force of a thousand virgins >he doesn't get a single kill >feelsgood.gif >he's f------ p----- >"F------ AiMb0t" >starts cursing at me >makes fun of me >says l'll never get laid >oh that's it >the camel's back has shattered >plan devised >tell him I'm going to f--- his mom >"..dude what?" >l leave the game and start planning >l use my epic gamer skills to find out where this f----- lives >l show up to his house while he's at school >knock on the door >his mom answers the door with open arms >sweet lady, almost makes me feel bad for what I'm about to do >almost >we go into her living room and make conversation >laughing at all my jokes >l go in for the kiss >she hesitates at first but I'm persistent >manonamission >she gives in to my charm and kisses back >getting steamy >l penetrate her as soon as I hear the front door open >'mom I'm home!" >he walks in just to see me balls feel in the woman who spawned him >look of absolute horror and disgust on his face >he runs out of the house >mom's crying >l leave, my work done >mfw my brother finally stopped joining my games
>be me >xboxfag >more of a casual gamer, just play every now and then >pretty good tho >enjoy my time, distracts me from life 16 KB JPG >enter xxx_pu55yslayer_xxx >f------ chad >always joins my games without me inviting him >f---- up whatever I'm doing >makes fun of me >knows I'm a virgin >lol just get laid anon >f------ chad >one day I'm playing cod just doing my thing >he joins >"lol 1v1 me bro" >f------ fine >epicgamertime.jpg >l rain hell upon him with the force of a thousand virgins >he doesn't get a single kill >feelsgood.gif >he's f------ p----- >"F------ AiMb0t" >starts cursing at me >makes fun of me >says l'll never get laid >oh that's it >the camel's back has shattered >plan devised >tell him I'm going to f--- his mom >"..dude what?" >l leave the game and start planning >l use my epic gamer skills to find out where this f----- lives >l show up to his house while he's at school >knock on the door >his mom answers the door with open arms >sweet lady, almost makes me feel bad for what I'm about to do >almost >we go into her living room and make conversation >laughing at all my jokes >l go in for the kiss >she hesitates at first but I'm persistent >manonamission >she gives in to my charm and kisses back >getting steamy >l penetrate her as soon as I hear the front door open >'mom I'm home!" >he walks in just to see me balls feel in the woman who spawned him >look of absolute horror and disgust on his face >he runs out of the house >mom's crying >l leave, my work done >mfw my brother finally stopped joining my games

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Anon is boomer | /r/Greentext

>be boomer >cooking steak on the grill >using spare college degrees to fuel fire >smells like when we used to CRISTAL napalm the g---- >flip steak >top side of steak is branded with 100 KB JPG Ronald Reagan's face >I can feel the patriotism coursing through my veins >pick up bottle of steak sauce >bottle is empty These damn millennials are f------ us in the ass.
>be boomer >cooking steak on the grill >using spare college degrees to fuel fire >smells like when we used to CRISTAL napalm the g---- >flip steak >top side of steak is branded with 100 KB JPG Ronald Reagan's face >I can feel the patriotism coursing through my veins >pick up bottle of steak sauce >bottle is empty These damn millennials are f------ us in the ass.

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Anon watches 13 reasons why | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 769156213 2 hr ago >Depressed teen >Tell parents >They somehow think f----- 13 reasons why is the source of my depression and i shouldn't watch the Why noald deal gied lie! ANETFLIX OINAL SERIES second season B REASONS WHY >F----- lul >l try to tell them that its good because it opens up conversation about important issues >They just shout at me, disregarding my opinions, as per 6.7 kB JPG >wat do 19 REPLIES 8 IMAGES REPLY Anonymous | 769156270 2 hr ago >>769156213 (OP) kill urself to prove them wrong lol
Anonymous | 769156213 2 hr ago >Depressed teen >Tell parents >They somehow think f----- 13 reasons why is the source of my depression and i shouldn't watch the Why noald deal gied lie! ANETFLIX OINAL SERIES second season B REASONS WHY >F----- lul >l try to tell them that its good because it opens up conversation about important issues >They just shout at me, disregarding my opinions, as per 6.7 kB JPG >wat do 19 REPLIES 8 IMAGES REPLY Anonymous | 769156270 2 hr ago >>769156213 (OP) kill urself to prove them wrong lol

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Anon is constipated | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/14/21(Thu)20:17:41 No.844861756 >be me >extremely constipated >tried everything >in huge amount of pain and desperate for relief >have 'great idea' >go to petco and get a gerbil 5 KB JPG >brief him on his mission >operation declog is a go >send the little fella into the cavernous deeps >godspeednibbles.bmp >a couple hours go by and i dont feel him >getting worried >mfw currently at petco to get a rescue gerbil Hold on nibbles help is on the way
: Anonymous 01/14/21(Thu)20:17:41 No.844861756 >be me >extremely constipated >tried everything >in huge amount of pain and desperate for relief >have 'great idea' >go to petco and get a gerbil 5 KB JPG >brief him on his mission >operation declog is a go >send the little fella into the cavernous deeps >godspeednibbles.bmp >a couple hours go by and i dont feel him >getting worried >mfw currently at petco to get a rescue gerbil Hold on nibbles help is on the way

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anons friends have gaymecube | /r/Greentext

File: (3 KB, 126x126, 1271706413287.jpg) 2>187605330 >Some friends are having a birthday for one of their younger brothers >They have a gamecube permanently turned on with pretty much everything unlocked in Smash Bros but no memory card (they were a bit poor) >l got him a memory card for his present >When no one is watching, save the Smash data >Little later, nonchalantly ask what's up with the gamecube, my hand is on the power button >Friend and his little brothers freak out as I turn it off >Smallest one is crying >just kidding, happy birthday!" >Plug in the memory card and turn it back on >Save file corrupted
File: (3 KB, 126x126, 1271706413287.jpg) 2>187605330 >Some friends are having a birthday for one of their younger brothers >They have a gamecube permanently turned on with pretty much everything unlocked in Smash Bros but no memory card (they were a bit poor) >l got him a memory card for his present >When no one is watching, save the Smash data >Little later, nonchalantly ask what's up with the gamecube, my hand is on the power button >Friend and his little brothers freak out as I turn it off >Smallest one is crying >just kidding, happy birthday!" >Plug in the memory card and turn it back on >Save file corrupted

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anon uses windows 10 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/14/21(Thu)17:37:55 No.844850013 >study to be a system administrator >get all my certificates >get job >job helps me learn in detail about windows 10 and computer 15 KB JPG hardware >learn powershell >finally ready to put my master plan in action >buy fleshlight and attach it to computers CD drive >create powershell script to open and close CD drive >make powershell script that makes Cortana say things like 'oh yeah anon, stick your pinky in one of my back USB ports' and '2 inches is above average anon' All my hard work has paid off. Im in love
: Anonymous 01/14/21(Thu)17:37:55 No.844850013 >study to be a system administrator >get all my certificates >get job >job helps me learn in detail about windows 10 and computer 15 KB JPG hardware >learn powershell >finally ready to put my master plan in action >buy fleshlight and attach it to computers CD drive >create powershell script to open and close CD drive >make powershell script that makes Cortana say things like 'oh yeah anon, stick your pinky in one of my back USB ports' and '2 inches is above average anon' All my hard work has paid off. Im in love

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Anon is retarded | /r/Greentext

jb] - Randöm Settings Home Anonymous (ID: (IfxGELXM) 10/18/14(Sat)16:19:04 No.574571714 Most autistic thing you've ever done? I'll start No >Be me >Unemployed >Have the first job 73 KB PNG interview I've had in months >Get dressed to look professional Skipping ahead >Waiting in a room with all the other potential employees >Sitting next to a qt3.14 >We're talking a bit and she seems into me, I crack a few jokes and she even laughs >Everyone is called in for the recruitment presentation >Manager begins presentation by welcoming us all, he then says that if anyone is in the wrong place now is the time to walk out >Trying to get everyone to laugh I stand up and say "Well in that case l'll just be going" and head to the door >No one laughs, qt looking at me like I just insulted her dying grandfather >Walk out of the room so I don't look like a complete idiot
jb] - Randöm Settings Home Anonymous (ID: (IfxGELXM) 10/18/14(Sat)16:19:04 No.574571714 Most autistic thing you've ever done? I'll start No >Be me >Unemployed >Have the first job 73 KB PNG interview I've had in months >Get dressed to look professional Skipping ahead >Waiting in a room with all the other potential employees >Sitting next to a qt3.14 >We're talking a bit and she seems into me, I crack a few jokes and she even laughs >Everyone is called in for the recruitment presentation >Manager begins presentation by welcoming us all, he then says that if anyone is in the wrong place now is the time to walk out >Trying to get everyone to laugh I stand up and say "Well in that case l'll just be going" and head to the door >No one laughs, qt looking at me like I just insulted her dying grandfather >Walk out of the room so I don't look like a complete idiot

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Anon’s class is pro alcohol | /r/Greentext

> be me > in health class, have to make a powerpoint about why alcohol is bad 359 KB PNG > 12th grade so no one cares > presentation day comes along > no one has done any work > teacher opens up class file > one project > titled "alachol" >teacher walks out of room > mfw
> be me > in health class, have to make a powerpoint about why alcohol is bad 359 KB PNG > 12th grade so no one cares > presentation day comes along > no one has done any work > teacher opens up class file > one project > titled "alachol" >teacher walks out of room > mfw

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Anon is curious | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/16/20(Fri)21:09:23 No.838004040 >be me >21 >super straight male >get horny one night and decide to go use the local glory hole >actually kinda enjoy it >half way through person on the otherside moans 153 KB PNG >it's a guy's moan >realize ive been sucking a man's c--- this entire time mfw
: Anonymous 10/16/20(Fri)21:09:23 No.838004040 >be me >21 >super straight male >get horny one night and decide to go use the local glory hole >actually kinda enjoy it >half way through person on the otherside moans 153 KB PNG >it's a guy's moan >realize ive been sucking a man's c--- this entire time mfw

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Anon relates to Egyptians | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/17/18(Fri)13:48:22 No.777399245 Convince me the Egyptians weren't ancient 4chan >Loved cats >Used cryptic pictures to communicate >Hated the Jews 72 KB JPG >Lived in a desert s------- >Obsessed with triangles and symmetry because ancient autismo >Were smart as f--- >Had a woman that ruled them that people orbit to this day >Literally had a frog God called kek All the evidence is here you just have to understand it
: Anonymous 08/17/18(Fri)13:48:22 No.777399245 Convince me the Egyptians weren't ancient 4chan >Loved cats >Used cryptic pictures to communicate >Hated the Jews 72 KB JPG >Lived in a desert s------- >Obsessed with triangles and symmetry because ancient autismo >Were smart as f--- >Had a woman that ruled them that people orbit to this day >Literally had a frog God called kek All the evidence is here you just have to understand it

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Anon takes revenge | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 754091586 35 min. geleden •.• >be me >Indian >find out about 4chan >go on a board >people are f------ racists >"but yeah India will be a superpower by 2020" >people laugh at me >call me a streetshitter 721,1 kB JPG >how offensive, my grandpa died in a streetshitting incident >years later >l ruined their internet >l did it >sweet revenge 3 REPLIES 2 IMAGES REPLY
Anonymous | 754091586 35 min. geleden •.• >be me >Indian >find out about 4chan >go on a board >people are f------ racists >"but yeah India will be a superpower by 2020" >people laugh at me >call me a streetshitter 721,1 kB JPG >how offensive, my grandpa died in a streetshitting incident >years later >l ruined their internet >l did it >sweet revenge 3 REPLIES 2 IMAGES REPLY

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That dumb thread | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/27/20(Fri)03:16:05 No.1911325 >Liverpool >it isn't just a city full of pools with livers in them 60 KB JPG : Anonymous 11/28/20(Sat)11:43:42 No.1912069 >Austin, TX >isn't a Stone Cold Steve city. : Anonymous 11/28/20(Sat)19:30:36 No.1912315 >go to Hungary >everybody appears to be well-fed 755 KB PNG >>1912827 # made with mematio : Anonymous 12/02/20(Wed)17:00:24 No.1914569 >washington dc >actually uses alternating current >>1914769 # >>1914770 # >>1917742 # : Anonymous 11/29/20(Sun)07:30:40 No.1912576 >go to moscow >no cattle in sight 7 KB JPG : Anonymous 11/29/20(Sun)14:09:35 No.1912827 >>1912315 # >Went to turkey >Not a damn bird in sight 2.29 MB GIF : Anonymous 11/29/20(Sun)14:32:21 No.1912840 >go to Kyoto >it's not just a jumbled up Tokyo
: Anonymous 11/27/20(Fri)03:16:05 No.1911325 >Liverpool >it isn't just a city full of pools with livers in them 60 KB JPG : Anonymous 11/28/20(Sat)11:43:42 No.1912069 >Austin, TX >isn't a Stone Cold Steve city. : Anonymous 11/28/20(Sat)19:30:36 No.1912315 >go to Hungary >everybody appears to be well-fed 755 KB PNG >>1912827 # made with mematio : Anonymous 12/02/20(Wed)17:00:24 No.1914569 >washington dc >actually uses alternating current >>1914769 # >>1914770 # >>1917742 # : Anonymous 11/29/20(Sun)07:30:40 No.1912576 >go to moscow >no cattle in sight 7 KB JPG : Anonymous 11/29/20(Sun)14:09:35 No.1912827 >>1912315 # >Went to turkey >Not a damn bird in sight 2.29 MB GIF : Anonymous 11/29/20(Sun)14:32:21 No.1912840 >go to Kyoto >it's not just a jumbled up Tokyo

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Anon pulls a prank | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 770101768 17 min. ago Green text story >Go to bar >Moderm Jukebox in corner »Start to browse See Africa by Toto »Put in 500s >50 cents per song Select Africa 1000 times 21 KA PNG >Takes a minute »People start to stare >Leave bar >Africa is 4 minutes 30 seconds >100 plays = 75 hours >Return a couple days later- at hour 48 >Africa is still playing >l set down and order a drink >Partons look miserable >Bar staff is irritable >An haur goes by >Finally the bar owner emerges from the back furious >Starts trying to unplug machine >Can't- too heavy and its plugged in via extension chard behind the wall »Patrons try to help >All the patrons except me >l say "it's a good song" and immediately some black dude screams "shut the f--- up" >Still cannot unplug >You could say "it's something 100 men could never do" >Patrons and owner are furious still and getting more angry >Owner picks up chair and starts to beat machine »Machine starts playing "rains in Africa" on repeat >Everyane is now loosing their s--- >They continue to attack Jukebox for 45 minutes >Someone gets a shovel from god knows where >Machine is finally broken >Everyone cheers >Bar is dead quiet naw >Leave >Come back a month later (yesterday) >New Jukebox >This time I double down Select "Never gonna give you up" 1000 times >Leave >l shall return in 2 days O REPLIES 1 IMAGE REPLY
Anonymous 770101768 17 min. ago Green text story >Go to bar >Moderm Jukebox in corner »Start to browse See Africa by Toto »Put in 500s >50 cents per song Select Africa 1000 times 21 KA PNG >Takes a minute »People start to stare >Leave bar >Africa is 4 minutes 30 seconds >100 plays = 75 hours >Return a couple days later- at hour 48 >Africa is still playing >l set down and order a drink >Partons look miserable >Bar staff is irritable >An haur goes by >Finally the bar owner emerges from the back furious >Starts trying to unplug machine >Can't- too heavy and its plugged in via extension chard behind the wall »Patrons try to help >All the patrons except me >l say "it's a good song" and immediately some black dude screams "shut the f--- up" >Still cannot unplug >You could say "it's something 100 men could never do" >Patrons and owner are furious still and getting more angry >Owner picks up chair and starts to beat machine »Machine starts playing "rains in Africa" on repeat >Everyane is now loosing their s--- >They continue to attack Jukebox for 45 minutes >Someone gets a shovel from god knows where >Machine is finally broken >Everyone cheers >Bar is dead quiet naw >Leave >Come back a month later (yesterday) >New Jukebox >This time I double down Select "Never gonna give you up" 1000 times >Leave >l shall return in 2 days O REPLIES 1 IMAGE REPLY

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Anon likes shopping carts | /r/Greentext

147191610 9/8/18 3:29 PM Stealing and melting down shopping carts I've fantasized about stealing and melting down shopping carts from national brand stores since I was about 4 years old. 183 KB It literally gives me so much satisfaction, both spiritually and sexually, the thought of melting down and having a solid block of shopping cart. I just got a job as a cart pusher for Walmart is there any way I could actually get away with this without getting in trouble? Pic related is an ugly ass shopping cart but the ones at Walmart literally make me rock solid just LOOKING at. I can't believe I'm going to be getting paid good money to TOUCH them. >these are my skills idk if they're applicable: really good at physics, strong asf, 5'8, willing to do anything to melt down a cart 4 replies
147191610 9/8/18 3:29 PM Stealing and melting down shopping carts I've fantasized about stealing and melting down shopping carts from national brand stores since I was about 4 years old. 183 KB It literally gives me so much satisfaction, both spiritually and sexually, the thought of melting down and having a solid block of shopping cart. I just got a job as a cart pusher for Walmart is there any way I could actually get away with this without getting in trouble? Pic related is an ugly ass shopping cart but the ones at Walmart literally make me rock solid just LOOKING at. I can't believe I'm going to be getting paid good money to TOUCH them. >these are my skills idk if they're applicable: really good at physics, strong asf, 5'8, willing to do anything to melt down a cart 4 replies

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