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Bomb anniversaire | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/11/18(Tue)06:41:55 No.779 When you see a Brit write 11.09 instead of 9/11 >be me >its 9/11 >celebrate by posting 9/11 memes on reddit >dad walks in >sees the memes 69 KB JPG >"w-- anon!" >dad proceeds to get the belt >ohno. Jpeg >get whipped for 5 minutes straight Why am i like this?
: Anonymous 09/11/18(Tue)06:41:55 No.779 When you see a Brit write 11.09 instead of 9/11 >be me >its 9/11 >celebrate by posting 9/11 memes on reddit >dad walks in >sees the memes 69 KB JPG >"w-- anon!" >dad proceeds to get the belt >ohno. Jpeg >get whipped for 5 minutes straight Why am i like this?

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Anon's hamster dies | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: HrwH+9h3) 02/26/13(Tue)20:19:23 No.461541889 Replies: >>461542073 My hampster just died too >drunk as f--- >painstakingly make vest for hampster >string tied to vest >other end tied to blade of ceiling fan >didnt measure string right >turn on the fan >hampster slams into the wall at mach speed, so fast part of the drywall cracked In my drunk brain it was suppost to be a carnival type ride for him Goodnight sweet price
Anonymous (ID: HrwH+9h3) 02/26/13(Tue)20:19:23 No.461541889 Replies: >>461542073 My hampster just died too >drunk as f--- >painstakingly make vest for hampster >string tied to vest >other end tied to blade of ceiling fan >didnt measure string right >turn on the fan >hampster slams into the wall at mach speed, so fast part of the drywall cracked In my drunk brain it was suppost to be a carnival type ride for him Goodnight sweet price

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Time is not on my side | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/11/21(Sat)13:44:56 No.65341720 >job requires years of experience for piss easy work >apply anyway >either I get an offer or I waste someone's time 464 KB PNG I've cracked the code 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 09/11/21(Sat)13:47:11 No.65341737 >>65341720 (OP) # >I waste someone's time >get filtered by a program
: Anonymous 09/11/21(Sat)13:44:56 No.65341720 >job requires years of experience for piss easy work >apply anyway >either I get an offer or I waste someone's time 464 KB PNG I've cracked the code 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 09/11/21(Sat)13:47:11 No.65341737 >>65341720 (OP) # >I waste someone's time >get filtered by a program

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Porch swings | /r/Greentext

File: 71X1K0VSW5L,_AC_SL1500_.jpg (112 KB, 1272x1500) O Anonymous 09/11/21(Sat)00:05:16 No.63447542 [Reply] D>>63450195 >>63450449 >Postal workers were constantly throwing my packages >Ordered 20 50 pound kettlebells off amazon >They were visibly distressed carrying them to my door over the course of a week >I had no intention of keeping them >l just returned them on amazon and they had to come and pick them up from my door and struggle with them back to their van I like to think they got a workout carrying those bitches, but it was a harsh lesson I had to teach. I hope they learned to stop throwing my packages. artts 50LB 19 replies and 3 images omitted. Click here to view. O Anonymous 09/11/21(Sat)05:44:21 No.63450195 D>>63451898
File: 71X1K0VSW5L,_AC_SL1500_.jpg (112 KB, 1272x1500) O Anonymous 09/11/21(Sat)00:05:16 No.63447542 [Reply] D>>63450195 >>63450449 >Postal workers were constantly throwing my packages >Ordered 20 50 pound kettlebells off amazon >They were visibly distressed carrying them to my door over the course of a week >I had no intention of keeping them >l just returned them on amazon and they had to come and pick them up from my door and struggle with them back to their van I like to think they got a workout carrying those bitches, but it was a harsh lesson I had to teach. I hope they learned to stop throwing my packages. artts 50LB 19 replies and 3 images omitted. Click here to view. O Anonymous 09/11/21(Sat)05:44:21 No.63450195 D>>63451898

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Anon tells us the truth about the dicklet experience | /r/Greentext

26m (9/11 19:46) · 862867945 O Re · O Img · JPG: 38KB · (615 × 615) NDT MITTENS >be a dicklet >2.5 inches soft >know ill never please a woman without a ton of effort in foreplay >hardly ever go down on one >still get sex from time to time because i still have good genetics everywhere else >sometimes if they get upset they didn't get off they will tell me i have a small d--- >shrug it off because i got my nut regardless and already know i have a small peen is this based?
26m (9/11 19:46) · 862867945 O Re · O Img · JPG: 38KB · (615 × 615) NDT MITTENS >be a dicklet >2.5 inches soft >know ill never please a woman without a ton of effort in foreplay >hardly ever go down on one >still get sex from time to time because i still have good genetics everywhere else >sometimes if they get upset they didn't get off they will tell me i have a small d--- >shrug it off because i got my nut regardless and already know i have a small peen is this based?

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Anon is a clown | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/24/21(Wed)20:40:49 No.850446107 >be me >at s----- gas station and have to poop >try men's door f--- it's locked >try women's door >it's my lucky day 57 KB JPG >start s------- aggressively >halfway through someone tries the door ohgodohfuck.jpg >in a falsetto say “one minute please" >quickly do my makeup since I do drag occasionally >look like a h----- on coke who is physically assaulted on the regular >open door without washing hands >fembot standing there looking flabbergasted/aroused >hurry out of there ASAP Being a f----- paid off again : Anonymous 03/24/21(Wed)20:44:33 No.850446355 >Excuse me for using this bathroom, but the men's one was utterly disgusting. I'll try to make it quick. >"Understandable, take your time, OP." That would be the good ending, OP. Instead you just exited looking like a clown.
: Anonymous 03/24/21(Wed)20:40:49 No.850446107 >be me >at s----- gas station and have to poop >try men's door f--- it's locked >try women's door >it's my lucky day 57 KB JPG >start s------- aggressively >halfway through someone tries the door ohgodohfuck.jpg >in a falsetto say “one minute please" >quickly do my makeup since I do drag occasionally >look like a h----- on coke who is physically assaulted on the regular >open door without washing hands >fembot standing there looking flabbergasted/aroused >hurry out of there ASAP Being a f----- paid off again : Anonymous 03/24/21(Wed)20:44:33 No.850446355 >Excuse me for using this bathroom, but the men's one was utterly disgusting. I'll try to make it quick. >"Understandable, take your time, OP." That would be the good ending, OP. Instead you just exited looking like a clown.

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Anon blames /b/ for his pedophilia | /r/Greentext

1h (9/11 19:01) - 862866104 8 Re ·5 Img · PNG 570KB · (728 × 706) 2 Replies >wake up >try to get off for loli/shota for two hours >no luck >look up a normal p--- video >nut instantly It's finally over. Goodbye /b/ you chud infested hellsite. A|LI hope is that you all find fulfilling futures outside of browsing endlessly on a Hungarian parkour discussion site.
1h (9/11 19:01) - 862866104 8 Re ·5 Img · PNG 570KB · (728 × 706) 2 Replies >wake up >try to get off for loli/shota for two hours >no luck >look up a normal p--- video >nut instantly It's finally over. Goodbye /b/ you chud infested hellsite. A|LI hope is that you all find fulfilling futures outside of browsing endlessly on a Hungarian parkour discussion site.

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Anon found enlightenment | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 09/09/21(Thu)19:48:38 No.65321388 [Reply] >>65321645 >be me >decide to browse crystal cafe because it's apparently woman 4channel >thought lonely girls would be nice and sweet >w-- they're all grouchy and mean >all the posts are about how men are nasty perverts >think "Damn, maybe if they weren't so bitchy and hateful they'd be able to get into a relationship" >wait mfw
O Anonymous 09/09/21(Thu)19:48:38 No.65321388 [Reply] >>65321645 >be me >decide to browse crystal cafe because it's apparently woman 4channel >thought lonely girls would be nice and sweet >w-- they're all grouchy and mean >all the posts are about how men are nasty perverts >think "Damn, maybe if they weren't so bitchy and hateful they'd be able to get into a relationship" >wait mfw

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Bound by fate | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/10/21(Fri)22:57:14 No.65335239 >walk into class >your crush is tied up like this what do you do? 38 KB JPG : Anonymous 09/10/21(Fri)22:58:09 No.65335246 >>65339998 # : Anonymous 09/10/21(Fri)22:59:20 No.65335252 >>65340295 # : Anonymous 09/10/21(Fri)22:59:25 No.65335254 >>65335264 # >>65339074 # : Anonymous 09/10/21(Fri)23:00:24 No.65335263 I'm back in school again? I do things right this time. I do all my homework, I study hard, I go to a cheap college, I get a good degree, I start a middle class career, I make my family proud.
: Anonymous 09/10/21(Fri)22:57:14 No.65335239 >walk into class >your crush is tied up like this what do you do? 38 KB JPG : Anonymous 09/10/21(Fri)22:58:09 No.65335246 >>65339998 # : Anonymous 09/10/21(Fri)22:59:20 No.65335252 >>65340295 # : Anonymous 09/10/21(Fri)22:59:25 No.65335254 >>65335264 # >>65339074 # : Anonymous 09/10/21(Fri)23:00:24 No.65335263 I'm back in school again? I do things right this time. I do all my homework, I study hard, I go to a cheap college, I get a good degree, I start a middle class career, I make my family proud.

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Anon clowns around | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/20/20(Sun)16:01:47 No.61476013 >be me, have s----- nephew >Tell him that every time he does something bad boogie the clown writes something on his wall. >After the 5th time Boogie the clown will pay him a visit >Nephew is scared as piss about 9 KB JPG this and asks his parents if it's real >They tell him it's b------- so he starts acting up again. >I write something on his wall each time >he gets scared after the 4th time >forgets about it a year later, acts up again and I write on his wall a 5th time saying "I'm coming" >Ask his mom if I can babysit him, she says sure >Dress up as a clown and knock on his door when he's expecting me. >His face was priceless, he froze up and couldn't even run, he fell on the ground and froze up. >It's been 4 years and he takes therapy now for his clown trauma. >The therapist, his parents, no one believes him that the clown visited him >I tell him I don't know what he's talking about and don't remember ever mentioning it.
: Anonymous 12/20/20(Sun)16:01:47 No.61476013 >be me, have s----- nephew >Tell him that every time he does something bad boogie the clown writes something on his wall. >After the 5th time Boogie the clown will pay him a visit >Nephew is scared as piss about 9 KB JPG this and asks his parents if it's real >They tell him it's b------- so he starts acting up again. >I write something on his wall each time >he gets scared after the 4th time >forgets about it a year later, acts up again and I write on his wall a 5th time saying "I'm coming" >Ask his mom if I can babysit him, she says sure >Dress up as a clown and knock on his door when he's expecting me. >His face was priceless, he froze up and couldn't even run, he fell on the ground and froze up. >It's been 4 years and he takes therapy now for his clown trauma. >The therapist, his parents, no one believes him that the clown visited him >I tell him I don't know what he's talking about and don't remember ever mentioning it.

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An offer you can't refuse | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/11/21(Sat)00:31:40 No.65336133 >accidentally touched a girl's ass >she offered me touch her ass more >l apologized, and declined her offer respectfully >tells me that if I don't, she'l| report me to the management >what the f--- Wanna fight, punk? 48 KB JPG >offers me I can touch her vagina and t--- >for a hundred bucks What the f--- is wrong with women these days?
: Anonymous 09/11/21(Sat)00:31:40 No.65336133 >accidentally touched a girl's ass >she offered me touch her ass more >l apologized, and declined her offer respectfully >tells me that if I don't, she'l| report me to the management >what the f--- Wanna fight, punk? 48 KB JPG >offers me I can touch her vagina and t--- >for a hundred bucks What the f--- is wrong with women these days?

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Anon is a girl | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/18/18(Sun)06:11:17 No.785181182 >ok looking girl >play online games and make friends >guys constantly protecting me in game cuz I'm a gamer girl >username is LOVE 8 KB JPG >men always calling me love and making sure l'm protected in game >befriend one, voice doesn't sound too bad >exchange pictures >literally the ugliest person l've ever seen What to do?
: Anonymous 11/18/18(Sun)06:11:17 No.785181182 >ok looking girl >play online games and make friends >guys constantly protecting me in game cuz I'm a gamer girl >username is LOVE 8 KB JPG >men always calling me love and making sure l'm protected in game >befriend one, voice doesn't sound too bad >exchange pictures >literally the ugliest person l've ever seen What to do?

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Anon is smart | /r/Greentext

: 0907339847280 12/29/20(Tue)00:59:41 No.61591858 >be me >be fapping day and night >stupid mom keeps not knocking on the door and just barging in >hadn't gotten caught yet, but I PEPE TZU. THE ART OF WAR had some close calls >hatch a plan >decide to sit naked in my room 85 KB JPG all day so she'll be embarrassed next time it happens >all day I'm sitting in my chair >it happened >she ALWAYS knocks now Sometimes you gotta lose the battle to win the war
: 0907339847280 12/29/20(Tue)00:59:41 No.61591858 >be me >be fapping day and night >stupid mom keeps not knocking on the door and just barging in >hadn't gotten caught yet, but I PEPE TZU. THE ART OF WAR had some close calls >hatch a plan >decide to sit naked in my room 85 KB JPG all day so she'll be embarrassed next time it happens >all day I'm sitting in my chair >it happened >she ALWAYS knocks now Sometimes you gotta lose the battle to win the war

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Anon misses millions | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: do6PaYs7 )01/27/21(Wed)16:22:06 No.26728952 >make rigged casino >make it so slot machines have a 0% chance of paying out >make it a progressive jackpot worth millions upon billions of dollars >nobody wins for many years >finally after all this time someone finds a bug in the system and the dreaded jackpot finally hits >comes time to pay out but dont have nearly enough to do so, this scenario was never planned for, has to pay by 83 KB PNG law >forced to sell the casino and everything in it >NOO00000000000000000000000000000C YOU PLAYED THE SLOT MACHINE WRONG YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO LOSE NOO00000000000000000
: Anonymous (ID: do6PaYs7 )01/27/21(Wed)16:22:06 No.26728952 >make rigged casino >make it so slot machines have a 0% chance of paying out >make it a progressive jackpot worth millions upon billions of dollars >nobody wins for many years >finally after all this time someone finds a bug in the system and the dreaded jackpot finally hits >comes time to pay out but dont have nearly enough to do so, this scenario was never planned for, has to pay by 83 KB PNG law >forced to sell the casino and everything in it >NOO00000000000000000000000000000C YOU PLAYED THE SLOT MACHINE WRONG YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO LOSE NOO00000000000000000

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Anon does a bit of trolling | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/11/21(Sat)03:24:47 No.65337265 >be me >have friend that's extremely lonely >think it'd be funny to catfish him >make fake snapchat account and Ok so your a cute, funny, interesting, nice girl that I am very intorested in. I have only talked to for a few hours and I already like you. Would you ike to be my girlfriend? So was it a hit or miss lol? | Addy? Hit or missed add him 65 KB JPG >he adds me back >he immediately starts a conversation with me >after a couple hours he starts talking in our group chat about how he met a girl thats "different" >let all of our friends in on the joke >they all start hyping him up to ask this girl out >he starts telling us he's gonna do it and is getting all excited >he shoots his shot with this fake girl >i screenshot >everyone makes fun of him for the next month >mfw every question he asked me i answered honestly >mfw i never sent him a picture of this "girl" >mfw my friend had a crush on me >pic related
: Anonymous 09/11/21(Sat)03:24:47 No.65337265 >be me >have friend that's extremely lonely >think it'd be funny to catfish him >make fake snapchat account and Ok so your a cute, funny, interesting, nice girl that I am very intorested in. I have only talked to for a few hours and I already like you. Would you ike to be my girlfriend? So was it a hit or miss lol? | Addy? Hit or missed add him 65 KB JPG >he adds me back >he immediately starts a conversation with me >after a couple hours he starts talking in our group chat about how he met a girl thats "different" >let all of our friends in on the joke >they all start hyping him up to ask this girl out >he starts telling us he's gonna do it and is getting all excited >he shoots his shot with this fake girl >i screenshot >everyone makes fun of him for the next month >mfw every question he asked me i answered honestly >mfw i never sent him a picture of this "girl" >mfw my friend had a crush on me >pic related

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Anon makes it | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/11/21(Sat)00:38:49 No.862847776 >go to carnival with friends >ride rides and have fun, get sodas and food >see girls at carnival >they're all nice to us >girl asks friend out >they start dating 20 KB JPG >happy for them >go to school >friends with girls >talking to them like usual >treat me well >in class >making jokes >all the popular kids are laughing >mfw is this what it feels like to be normal anons?
: Anonymous 09/11/21(Sat)00:38:49 No.862847776 >go to carnival with friends >ride rides and have fun, get sodas and food >see girls at carnival >they're all nice to us >girl asks friend out >they start dating 20 KB JPG >happy for them >go to school >friends with girls >talking to them like usual >treat me well >in class >making jokes >all the popular kids are laughing >mfw is this what it feels like to be normal anons?

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Mike Brown VS Kelly Thomas | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12/12/14 (Fri) 19:41:37 ID: f18fef No.555 >be unarmed mentally unstable schizophrenic man >get confronted by hispanic police officer >willingly surrender >police officer attacks me on camera >cry for my parents >civilians record the entire thing >don't resist arrest, never harm officer >5 other cops watch him do it >die in the hospital 3 days later >cops get acquitted >nobody cared because my skin wasn't black #ONLYBLACKLIVESMATTER
Anonymous 12/12/14 (Fri) 19:41:37 ID: f18fef No.555 >be unarmed mentally unstable schizophrenic man >get confronted by hispanic police officer >willingly surrender >police officer attacks me on camera >cry for my parents >civilians record the entire thing >don't resist arrest, never harm officer >5 other cops watch him do it >die in the hospital 3 days later >cops get acquitted >nobody cared because my skin wasn't black #ONLYBLACKLIVESMATTER

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Anon observes some freshmen. | /r/Greentext

File: 1630383542182.png (488 KB, 715x1000) O Anonymous 09/10/21(Fri)17:55:54 No.65327069 [Reply] >2010 >see freshman gril starts dating another gril >they get relentlessly bulli by everyone for being gae >break up >all through high school she steals straight girls' bfs then dumps them soon after >her year graduates with no straight couples existing Anyone else seen such a based faggetress before? Anonymous 09/10/21(Fri)18:05:36 No.65327133 Bruh that's f----- up
File: 1630383542182.png (488 KB, 715x1000) O Anonymous 09/10/21(Fri)17:55:54 No.65327069 [Reply] >2010 >see freshman gril starts dating another gril >they get relentlessly bulli by everyone for being gae >break up >all through high school she steals straight girls' bfs then dumps them soon after >her year graduates with no straight couples existing Anyone else seen such a based faggetress before? Anonymous 09/10/21(Fri)18:05:36 No.65327133 Bruh that's f----- up

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Anon has been Gnomed! | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/03/21(Fri)08:05:01 No.29656488 >order some dominos bc l'm a fat f--- >"a lovely cheese pizza, just for me" >breadsticks too bc why not >pay online and request the delivery guy leave it at the 50 KB JPG doorstep (social anxiety) >guy actually texts after dropping off my "single loser" meal >text says, "I left your pizza next to the garden gnome" >wut >i don't have a f------ garden gnome on my porch >open front door and find pizza box open, one slice missing >tiny little footprints leaving the porch and down the apartment stairs >the disappear into some bushes >"I've been gnomed!" >mfw >>29656514 # >>29656645 # >>29658542 # >>29661157 #
: Anonymous 09/03/21(Fri)08:05:01 No.29656488 >order some dominos bc l'm a fat f--- >"a lovely cheese pizza, just for me" >breadsticks too bc why not >pay online and request the delivery guy leave it at the 50 KB JPG doorstep (social anxiety) >guy actually texts after dropping off my "single loser" meal >text says, "I left your pizza next to the garden gnome" >wut >i don't have a f------ garden gnome on my porch >open front door and find pizza box open, one slice missing >tiny little footprints leaving the porch and down the apartment stairs >the disappear into some bushes >"I've been gnomed!" >mfw >>29656514 # >>29656645 # >>29658542 # >>29661157 #

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anon is not gonna make it | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/09/21(Thu)18:28:37 No.151557141 >>151557316 >>151558085 >>151558202 >>151558230 >>151560614 >Analysis of 300,000 people in 148 studies found that loneliness is associated with a 50% increase in mortality from any cause. >This makes it comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes a day, and more dangerous than obesity. We're not gonna make it bros.
Anonymous 09/09/21(Thu)18:28:37 No.151557141 >>151557316 >>151558085 >>151558202 >>151558230 >>151560614 >Analysis of 300,000 people in 148 studies found that loneliness is associated with a 50% increase in mortality from any cause. >This makes it comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes a day, and more dangerous than obesity. We're not gonna make it bros.

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