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Anon meets God | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/26/20(Tue)01:28:31 No.58340533 >be me >christian >have 3.5 peener >gf wanted sex >told her the big NO >gf breaks up 150 KB JPG >drive home sad >got into car accident >went to heaven >meet god >God shakes my hand >he whispered >"mah n----" >i smiled >sent back to earth
: Anonymous 05/26/20(Tue)01:28:31 No.58340533 >be me >christian >have 3.5 peener >gf wanted sex >told her the big NO >gf breaks up 150 KB JPG >drive home sad >got into car accident >went to heaven >meet god >God shakes my hand >he whispered >"mah n----" >i smiled >sent back to earth

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Anon likes Jojo | /r/Greentext

> be me jojo-tard > read some of the manga from pt.1 > think hamon is real, decide to try it. > breath real hard, almost pass out > try to play fight with my autistic older 89 KB JPG brother > punch him in the gut > tardstrength.mp4 > punches me square in the jaw > go to dentist, they tell me i need fake teeth as most are broken > ask if they ever come out > "when your big boy teeth grow in!" > walk out of the dentist office trip and break the fake teeth.
> be me jojo-tard > read some of the manga from pt.1 > think hamon is real, decide to try it. > breath real hard, almost pass out > try to play fight with my autistic older 89 KB JPG brother > punch him in the gut > tardstrength.mp4 > punches me square in the jaw > go to dentist, they tell me i need fake teeth as most are broken > ask if they ever come out > "when your big boy teeth grow in!" > walk out of the dentist office trip and break the fake teeth.

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Anon debates on which language to learn | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: UQnqWT1N )L What language should people le(...) 06/07/21(Mon)19:28:10 No.12898750 >German pros: hitlers language. cons: f------ composed words and gutural sounds. >French Pros: women like it. 36 KB JPG Cons:women like it and sounds like someone is gagging on a d--- >Italian. pros: easy to learn and has a rythm that anyone can learn. cons: you look very stupid trying to replicate accents. >russian/ukranian pros: you can talk with the prettiest females in the world with this. cons:you need to learn another alphabet debatable: easy to pronounce if you can roll your tongue like romance speakers, but as a native english speaker it would be harder. >chinese pros: you would communicate to your future overlords and ask for mercy cons: is ching chong and ping pong all day.
: Anonymous (ID: UQnqWT1N )L What language should people le(...) 06/07/21(Mon)19:28:10 No.12898750 >German pros: hitlers language. cons: f------ composed words and gutural sounds. >French Pros: women like it. 36 KB JPG Cons:women like it and sounds like someone is gagging on a d--- >Italian. pros: easy to learn and has a rythm that anyone can learn. cons: you look very stupid trying to replicate accents. >russian/ukranian pros: you can talk with the prettiest females in the world with this. cons:you need to learn another alphabet debatable: easy to pronounce if you can roll your tongue like romance speakers, but as a native english speaker it would be harder. >chinese pros: you would communicate to your future overlords and ask for mercy cons: is ching chong and ping pong all day.

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Anon is a school pooper | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/08/21(Tue)03:25:52 No.856345759 >senior year in hs >take a s--- in the school toilets every morning during first class >pass by the janitor everytime >mfw he knows it's me who nearly clogs the toilet every morning >mfw he avoids my stare everytime Tell me your sigmale success stories below
Anonymous 06/08/21(Tue)03:25:52 No.856345759 >senior year in hs >take a s--- in the school toilets every morning during first class >pass by the janitor everytime >mfw he knows it's me who nearly clogs the toilet every morning >mfw he avoids my stare everytime Tell me your sigmale success stories below

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Anon Takes a Sexy Shower | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 787170054 36 min. ago 0. >be me 15 >Parents don't give a f--- about me, I have nothing to do, so I spend most of my time bumming around with other loser friends >One day at skate park, piss off some older dudes, my friends bail on me and I get jumped >They take my wallet and snap my board >l'm walking home head hung low, ripped shirt broken board >Friends qt older sister is driving by and sees 83.3 kB JPG me >Pulls over >"OMG anon what happened" Tell her, she invited me over to get cleaned up >We get there, she whipes blood off my face, starts telling me how mad she is that those assholes did what they did to me >Starts to massage me >Boner activated >Hey anon why dont you take a shower and clean up your scrapes >l agree, she brings me to the bathroom, starts undressing me, her hand brushes on my boner >Giggles, "ooh anon, a little excited are we?" >Tells me to get in the shower, tells me she'll be right back >lm washing off, see the door start to crack open >See eye peering in at me >Feeling bold, "why dont you come join me you little slut" >Voice booms "don't mind if I do!" >Her dad runs in and f---- the s--- out of my ass and then leaves me broken on the shower floor
Anonymous | 787170054 36 min. ago 0. >be me 15 >Parents don't give a f--- about me, I have nothing to do, so I spend most of my time bumming around with other loser friends >One day at skate park, piss off some older dudes, my friends bail on me and I get jumped >They take my wallet and snap my board >l'm walking home head hung low, ripped shirt broken board >Friends qt older sister is driving by and sees 83.3 kB JPG me >Pulls over >"OMG anon what happened" Tell her, she invited me over to get cleaned up >We get there, she whipes blood off my face, starts telling me how mad she is that those assholes did what they did to me >Starts to massage me >Boner activated >Hey anon why dont you take a shower and clean up your scrapes >l agree, she brings me to the bathroom, starts undressing me, her hand brushes on my boner >Giggles, "ooh anon, a little excited are we?" >Tells me to get in the shower, tells me she'll be right back >lm washing off, see the door start to crack open >See eye peering in at me >Feeling bold, "why dont you come join me you little slut" >Voice booms "don't mind if I do!" >Her dad runs in and f---- the s--- out of my ass and then leaves me broken on the shower floor

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Anon is depressed | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 04/25/21(Sun)05:15:52 No.852897545 File: 1617925878151.jpg (7 KB, 250x242) >>852896962 (OP) >try to kms >tfw i fail >sent to f------ insane asylum >OnlyMakesltWorse.png >do it again >tfw I chicken out and get wasted instead >blackout >wake up in hospital >vomit my brains out >doctors check with my insurance >they think it was another attempt >give me a s----- questionnaire >answer semi-honestly >think I'm in the clear >tfw I'm sent back to the asylum >still f------ depressed >they put me on more drugs >flash-foreword >stilldepressed png
O Anonymous 04/25/21(Sun)05:15:52 No.852897545 File: 1617925878151.jpg (7 KB, 250x242) >>852896962 (OP) >try to kms >tfw i fail >sent to f------ insane asylum >OnlyMakesltWorse.png >do it again >tfw I chicken out and get wasted instead >blackout >wake up in hospital >vomit my brains out >doctors check with my insurance >they think it was another attempt >give me a s----- questionnaire >answer semi-honestly >think I'm in the clear >tfw I'm sent back to the asylum >still f------ depressed >they put me on more drugs >flash-foreword >stilldepressed png

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Anon is a wizard | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Childhood Moments 06/07/21(Mon)16:34:15 No.64043777 A story from when I was a little f------ s--- head little baby little s--- boy >be me, 10 >think I'm a wizard cause my hippy dad talks about it so 25 KB JPG much >like the cool magic battles on tv >decide l'm gonna become a wizard >think of how to do it >idea >"I'Il build up the magic in my arms and release a fireball!" >punch a hole through the drywall into my parents room >see them having sex >epic win
: Anonymous Childhood Moments 06/07/21(Mon)16:34:15 No.64043777 A story from when I was a little f------ s--- head little baby little s--- boy >be me, 10 >think I'm a wizard cause my hippy dad talks about it so 25 KB JPG much >like the cool magic battles on tv >decide l'm gonna become a wizard >think of how to do it >idea >"I'Il build up the magic in my arms and release a fireball!" >punch a hole through the drywall into my parents room >see them having sex >epic win

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Anon ain't losing the game | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 01/18/15(Sun)15:21:54 No.593368861 >593373099 >>593376876 File: 1421170933233.jpg (24 KB, 288x499) >>593366653 (OP) >be me 18 >new at this school >gym class >im a pretty decent looking guy >i look good in sport s--- because muh pecs >We get to play dodgeball WHY >f--- yes >play for a bit >trying to show of for this cutie >she's into me >she is on the other team >she throws at me >dodge >grab ball >throw it at some dude with the force of a thousand sons >l miss him >hit the cutie in the face >AreYouKiddingMeGod? jpg >her nose is bleeding >teeth through her lip >she's crying >l cant cross the line to help her because the rules >l aint losing the game >spagheti everywhere
O Anonymous 01/18/15(Sun)15:21:54 No.593368861 >593373099 >>593376876 File: 1421170933233.jpg (24 KB, 288x499) >>593366653 (OP) >be me 18 >new at this school >gym class >im a pretty decent looking guy >i look good in sport s--- because muh pecs >We get to play dodgeball WHY >f--- yes >play for a bit >trying to show of for this cutie >she's into me >she is on the other team >she throws at me >dodge >grab ball >throw it at some dude with the force of a thousand sons >l miss him >hit the cutie in the face >AreYouKiddingMeGod? jpg >her nose is bleeding >teeth through her lip >she's crying >l cant cross the line to help her because the rules >l aint losing the game >spagheti everywhere

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Anon was a weeb | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/03/21(Thu)14:56:42 No.11268247 14pdzcobcfk51.jpg 163 KB JPG >Be dangerous Islamic terrorist >Most wanted man on the planet >American government topples various regimes just to find you >Turns out he was he was hiding in a cave in an unaffiliated country, playing vidya and watching anime >Mfw he probably shitposted on this website
: Anonymous 06/03/21(Thu)14:56:42 No.11268247 14pdzcobcfk51.jpg 163 KB JPG >Be dangerous Islamic terrorist >Most wanted man on the planet >American government topples various regimes just to find you >Turns out he was he was hiding in a cave in an unaffiliated country, playing vidya and watching anime >Mfw he probably shitposted on this website

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Anon is a whiny cunt of a child | /r/Greentext

>luv me chips >luv me crisps >'ate climate change >simple as
>luv me chips >luv me crisps >'ate climate change >simple as

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Fat nuts | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/26/19(Wed)21:22:09 No.8032395 >be me, a Pokémon > live in forest with wife and child >go out to pick berries to feed my family >get f------ assulted and knocked out feelsbadman.jpeg >wake up in dark, red and white ball >h-------- it's cramped in here 412 KB JPG >sit in there for hours >get teleported out through a fookin lazah >yet again, get assaulted, and knocked out Whattheactualfuck.gif >back in the dark ball >for all I know, I could be in some guys testi >haven't seen my family in a long time... Please god help me I'm losing hope...
: Anonymous 06/26/19(Wed)21:22:09 No.8032395 >be me, a Pokémon > live in forest with wife and child >go out to pick berries to feed my family >get f------ assulted and knocked out feelsbadman.jpeg >wake up in dark, red and white ball >h-------- it's cramped in here 412 KB JPG >sit in there for hours >get teleported out through a fookin lazah >yet again, get assaulted, and knocked out Whattheactualfuck.gif >back in the dark ball >for all I know, I could be in some guys testi >haven't seen my family in a long time... Please god help me I'm losing hope...

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Anon recalls the Bush war in Africa. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/22/17(Wed)09:11:28 No.79676775 >>79675930 # This reminds me of something I read from the Bush War >Rhodies recover enemy rifles after each engagement >They keep finding rifles with the rear sight dialed in to the highest setting, practically f------ indirect fire >They are extremely confused by this >Eventually they ask a prisoner about it during interrogation >Literally none of them know what the sights are for, they think that choosing the bigger number makes the gun shoot harder Warfare in Africa is truly unbelievable >>79678011 # >>79678022 # >>79678742 #
: Anonymous 02/22/17(Wed)09:11:28 No.79676775 >>79675930 # This reminds me of something I read from the Bush War >Rhodies recover enemy rifles after each engagement >They keep finding rifles with the rear sight dialed in to the highest setting, practically f------ indirect fire >They are extremely confused by this >Eventually they ask a prisoner about it during interrogation >Literally none of them know what the sights are for, they think that choosing the bigger number makes the gun shoot harder Warfare in Africa is truly unbelievable >>79678011 # >>79678022 # >>79678742 #

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Anon Gets Reverse-Trapped | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/18/21(Tue)23:53:45 >Be me >Be gay >Start looking at femboys, I start to like them >Go on forums and learn they are real >Start fantasizing about them >Decide to do something >Go to a club to try to hook up >Meet this cute femboy at the bar >After a few drinks we go to my place >Start making out >After a while things get heated >He gets undressed >He has a vagina >She isn't a femboy, shes just a normal girl >MFW I'm actually straight and not a f-----
Anonymous 05/18/21(Tue)23:53:45 >Be me >Be gay >Start looking at femboys, I start to like them >Go on forums and learn they are real >Start fantasizing about them >Decide to do something >Go to a club to try to hook up >Meet this cute femboy at the bar >After a few drinks we go to my place >Start making out >After a while things get heated >He gets undressed >He has a vagina >She isn't a femboy, shes just a normal girl >MFW I'm actually straight and not a f-----

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r/greentext | /r/Greentext

:Anonymous 08/02/18(Thu)14:53:00 No.77604414 >be me >5 >my uncle rapes me See you later virgins 38 KB JPG : Anonymous 08/02/18(Thu)15:02:52 No.776044656 >>776044142 (OP) # bye
:Anonymous 08/02/18(Thu)14:53:00 No.77604414 >be me >5 >my uncle rapes me See you later virgins 38 KB JPG : Anonymous 08/02/18(Thu)15:02:52 No.776044656 >>776044142 (OP) # bye

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Anon doesnt believe in microwaves | /r/Greentext

>no fire >spinning plate (???) 107 KB JPG >hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm >beep beep beep beep >food is hot just imagine believing in microwave 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread
>no fire >spinning plate (???) 107 KB JPG >hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm >beep beep beep beep >food is hot just imagine believing in microwave 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon shares his feelings | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/07/21(Mon)14:34:27 No.856298809 >feels time, /b/ >uncertain on what to do with my life back when I was 18 >can't hold a job and too stoopid for college >killing myself was always an option in my mind 86 KB JPG >i was afraid to do it tho >no friends or family to help me figure my s--- out either >girl I knew from HS messages me one day out of the blue >remembers me for some reason even though we never talked >entertaining and fun to talk to >doesn't take too long for me to crush on her >don't wanna mess things up, so never tell her how I feel >i am starting to appreciate life more solely because of her at this point >to my despair, she ghosts me out of nowhere >fuckmylife.jpeg >at this point l'm so frustrated I need to get it out of my chest >go on and message her long paragraphs calling her a cruel nagging bitch for doing that to me and so on >she sends the last message l'd get from her a week later: "I'm sorry, my mom got corona and died last month" now before you screencap this and post it to plebbit, read the first letter of each sentence
: Anonymous 06/07/21(Mon)14:34:27 No.856298809 >feels time, /b/ >uncertain on what to do with my life back when I was 18 >can't hold a job and too stoopid for college >killing myself was always an option in my mind 86 KB JPG >i was afraid to do it tho >no friends or family to help me figure my s--- out either >girl I knew from HS messages me one day out of the blue >remembers me for some reason even though we never talked >entertaining and fun to talk to >doesn't take too long for me to crush on her >don't wanna mess things up, so never tell her how I feel >i am starting to appreciate life more solely because of her at this point >to my despair, she ghosts me out of nowhere >fuckmylife.jpeg >at this point l'm so frustrated I need to get it out of my chest >go on and message her long paragraphs calling her a cruel nagging bitch for doing that to me and so on >she sends the last message l'd get from her a week later: "I'm sorry, my mom got corona and died last month" now before you screencap this and post it to plebbit, read the first letter of each sentence

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