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anon is not so different | /r/Greentext

>in my room >dad yelling at me because abusive >calls me a retard >autism kicks in >"takes one to know one" 143 KB PNG he's throwing bottles at me now what do i do
>in my room >dad yelling at me because abusive >calls me a retard >autism kicks in >"takes one to know one" 143 KB PNG he's throwing bottles at me now what do i do

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OP doesn't like cooking | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)15:29:20 No.15636937 >the fish you're about to cook picks its head up from the counter, says your name, and begs not to be cooked 44 KB PNG
: Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)15:29:20 No.15636937 >the fish you're about to cook picks its head up from the counter, says your name, and begs not to be cooked 44 KB PNG

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Anon is a redditor | /r/Greentext

File: pgYSqgC. jpg (29 KB, 557x317) O Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)11:50:26 No.848006549 [Reply] >>848006596 i haven't had sex in nearly a year Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)11:51:27 No.848006596 >>848006549 (OP) i haven't had sex
File: pgYSqgC. jpg (29 KB, 557x317) O Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)11:50:26 No.848006549 [Reply] >>848006596 i haven't had sex in nearly a year Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)11:51:27 No.848006596 >>848006549 (OP) i haven't had sex

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Anons physics teacher is an old drunk | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)23:49:40 No.848046219 > high school > physics teacher is an old drunk. He looked like redneck Robert De Niro on crack > during class, my friend says that je does not want to have kids. > I dont remember why he said it, but he was reacting to something, that the teacher have said > teacher gets up > slowly walkes to my friend > he took out of his pocket opening knife > puts it in front of the friend > "cut your balls off" > "wha-what?" (friend was around 15) > "you don't want kids, you don't need balls" > "I'm waiting" > he stood there for about three minutes. Then took the knife, wallked back and continued with the lesson He drunk himself to death year later
: Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)23:49:40 No.848046219 > high school > physics teacher is an old drunk. He looked like redneck Robert De Niro on crack > during class, my friend says that je does not want to have kids. > I dont remember why he said it, but he was reacting to something, that the teacher have said > teacher gets up > slowly walkes to my friend > he took out of his pocket opening knife > puts it in front of the friend > "cut your balls off" > "wha-what?" (friend was around 15) > "you don't want kids, you don't need balls" > "I'm waiting" > he stood there for about three minutes. Then took the knife, wallked back and continued with the lesson He drunk himself to death year later

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Anon watches a documentary | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/27/12(Wed)18:06:49 No. 2903512 >13 years old, have had boners many many times before, just not know what the point was >In my room secretly watching documentary about danish strippers >Have r-----------, I'm just staring at it and raging thinking "what the f--- is the point.." >Decided to continue watching another ten minutes of the documentary >R----------- still annoying the hell out of me, decide to grab it really hard and maybe "choke" it to sleep >Feels kinda good, wat is this!? >Start experimenting with different motions, feels better and better >HHHHHNNNNNNNGGGGG >What the f--- just happened >Get scared shitless, thinking this is not normal. >Quickly turn off TV, go to bed, terrified that I broke my d--- somehow. >Didn't jack it for another week just to be sure that everything was ok.
: Anonymous 06/27/12(Wed)18:06:49 No. 2903512 >13 years old, have had boners many many times before, just not know what the point was >In my room secretly watching documentary about danish strippers >Have r-----------, I'm just staring at it and raging thinking "what the f--- is the point.." >Decided to continue watching another ten minutes of the documentary >R----------- still annoying the hell out of me, decide to grab it really hard and maybe "choke" it to sleep >Feels kinda good, wat is this!? >Start experimenting with different motions, feels better and better >HHHHHNNNNNNNGGGGG >What the f--- just happened >Get scared shitless, thinking this is not normal. >Quickly turn off TV, go to bed, terrified that I broke my d--- somehow. >Didn't jack it for another week just to be sure that everything was ok.

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Anon's friend needs to be potty trained | /r/Greentext

File: plstp.jpg (14 KB, 312x245) "that guy" stories Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)13:10:45 No.62444259 [Reply] ► >>62444303 >>62444882 This was a decade ago but it still haunts me >be me, 19, uni student >visit friend in his new apartment >he's also 19, just moved out his parents' place >play vidya with him >have to take a s---, use his bathroom >can't find tp >m----------- used it up and didn't replace the roll >f------ children living on their own for the first time >luckily got some tissues with me, use those >get back to vidya >"yo mate, you ran out of tp" >"nah I don't need any" >"what do you mean you don't need any?" >"I just flush without looking." >awkward pause >.. >.. >WHAT?! >m----------- thought tp was just there to cover your s--- so you don't have to look at it while you flush >says he never looks back at his s---, that's weird >says he saves money >my f------ face when
File: plstp.jpg (14 KB, 312x245) "that guy" stories Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)13:10:45 No.62444259 [Reply] ► >>62444303 >>62444882 This was a decade ago but it still haunts me >be me, 19, uni student >visit friend in his new apartment >he's also 19, just moved out his parents' place >play vidya with him >have to take a s---, use his bathroom >can't find tp >m----------- used it up and didn't replace the roll >f------ children living on their own for the first time >luckily got some tissues with me, use those >get back to vidya >"yo mate, you ran out of tp" >"nah I don't need any" >"what do you mean you don't need any?" >"I just flush without looking." >awkward pause >.. >.. >WHAT?! >m----------- thought tp was just there to cover your s--- so you don't have to look at it while you flush >says he never looks back at his s---, that's weird >says he saves money >my f------ face when

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Anon is a gamer | /r/Greentext

File: pepegamer.jpg (138 KB, 880x793) Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)21:29:29 No.848027878 >be me >gaming alone in room with two friends who are together >they start making out >mind my own business and concentrate on my game >all of a sudden start f------ like rabbits >still concentrated on my game >mfw I start rethinking my life decisions
File: pepegamer.jpg (138 KB, 880x793) Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)21:29:29 No.848027878 >be me >gaming alone in room with two friends who are together >they start making out >mind my own business and concentrate on my game >all of a sudden start f------ like rabbits >still concentrated on my game >mfw I start rethinking my life decisions

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anon gets a girlfriend | /r/Greentext

File: 212333.png (60 KB, 500x751) O Anonymous 02/04/19(Mon)06:43:07 No.50789300 (F Anon, what is your most cringe/embarrassing story? The s >be me >11 year old latchkey kid >always f------ horny >rub my d--- on everything in the house >eventually stick d--- into leather couch cushions >feelsgood.jpg >c-- all over cushions, clean with wet rag >do this afterschool everyday for a month >couch is basically first girlfriend >birthday comes around on a weekday >get home and start undressing >kneel in front of her and rub her cushions >happybirthdaytome >spit on my d--- and start pounding sad birthday pepe >push down on cushions for more pressure >start to c-- when parents burst in with gifts >stare at each other as I'm finishing >mom starts crying, dad starts yelling >frozen in fear, faint like a bitch >wake up in my bed, dad carried me >new ps2 and cake on nightstand >cry all night >next morning, it never happened >parents have literally never brought it up again >its been 18 years >dad buys new couch this weekend for living room >dad and I carry it into the living room >put it down, he thanks me and starts heading upstairs >iay on new couch to watch tv >dad turns around and looks at me >"try to be gentle with this one" >fingerguns.gif >mfw
File: 212333.png (60 KB, 500x751) O Anonymous 02/04/19(Mon)06:43:07 No.50789300 (F Anon, what is your most cringe/embarrassing story? The s >be me >11 year old latchkey kid >always f------ horny >rub my d--- on everything in the house >eventually stick d--- into leather couch cushions >feelsgood.jpg >c-- all over cushions, clean with wet rag >do this afterschool everyday for a month >couch is basically first girlfriend >birthday comes around on a weekday >get home and start undressing >kneel in front of her and rub her cushions >happybirthdaytome >spit on my d--- and start pounding sad birthday pepe >push down on cushions for more pressure >start to c-- when parents burst in with gifts >stare at each other as I'm finishing >mom starts crying, dad starts yelling >frozen in fear, faint like a bitch >wake up in my bed, dad carried me >new ps2 and cake on nightstand >cry all night >next morning, it never happened >parents have literally never brought it up again >its been 18 years >dad buys new couch this weekend for living room >dad and I carry it into the living room >put it down, he thanks me and starts heading upstairs >iay on new couch to watch tv >dad turns around and looks at me >"try to be gentle with this one" >fingerguns.gif >mfw

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Can't believe he would say that in front of Steve | /r/Greentext

family feud time bois Anonymous 07/30/19(Tue)20:52:26 No.118860471 >>118860921 >Steve Harvey: "We asked 100 people, what is the male reproductive organ?" >Contestant: "The penis" >SH: "A WUH... HUH??" >audience erupts into laughter >Steve Harvey grabs onto podium to support himself >laughter gets even louder >SH: "O lordy.." >one man goes into cardiac arrest and many others begin vomiting profusely from laughing too hard >SH: "YOU PEOPLE NEED HELP" >the Earth shatters and Satan rises from the underworld to claim unworthy souls >the universe begins rapidly closing in on itself >SH: (putting on a weary voice) "Survey says..." >the board shows 100 for "penis" >Harvey is able to get off one more shocked look before existence as we know it comes to an end
family feud time bois Anonymous 07/30/19(Tue)20:52:26 No.118860471 >>118860921 >Steve Harvey: "We asked 100 people, what is the male reproductive organ?" >Contestant: "The penis" >SH: "A WUH... HUH??" >audience erupts into laughter >Steve Harvey grabs onto podium to support himself >laughter gets even louder >SH: "O lordy.." >one man goes into cardiac arrest and many others begin vomiting profusely from laughing too hard >SH: "YOU PEOPLE NEED HELP" >the Earth shatters and Satan rises from the underworld to claim unworthy souls >the universe begins rapidly closing in on itself >SH: (putting on a weary voice) "Survey says..." >the board shows 100 for "penis" >Harvey is able to get off one more shocked look before existence as we know it comes to an end

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Anon is an entrepreneur | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/03/21(Wed)22:07:50 No.846494030 EZ money >make a bunch of Reddit accounts >make a bunch of very fake tweets with black people as the profile pic >upload to r/blackpeopletwitter >gain a bunch of karma on the accounts 11 KB JPG >sell them for $10 each >been doing this for six months, made $620 for doing almost nothing
: Anonymous 02/03/21(Wed)22:07:50 No.846494030 EZ money >make a bunch of Reddit accounts >make a bunch of very fake tweets with black people as the profile pic >upload to r/blackpeopletwitter >gain a bunch of karma on the accounts 11 KB JPG >sell them for $10 each >been doing this for six months, made $620 for doing almost nothing

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Anon uses google translate | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: YWGR3XT7 02/19/21(Fri)20:50:56 No.308921358 Go to google translator English to Latin "Quarantine" S--- bricks 577 KB PNG : Anonymous (ID: YWGR3X17 02/19/21(Fri)20:51:50 No.308921463 Forgot to mention: keep translating it back and forth. >>308923712 # >>308927857 # >>308927908 # >>308928789 # >>308929106 # >>308929346 # >>308930244 #
: Anonymous (ID: YWGR3XT7 02/19/21(Fri)20:50:56 No.308921358 Go to google translator English to Latin "Quarantine" S--- bricks 577 KB PNG : Anonymous (ID: YWGR3X17 02/19/21(Fri)20:51:50 No.308921463 Forgot to mention: keep translating it back and forth. >>308923712 # >>308927857 # >>308927908 # >>308928789 # >>308929106 # >>308929346 # >>308930244 #

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Anon gives a driving lesson | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)12:05:41 No.848022273 File: 1545453930760.jpg (10 KB, 259x194) >>848010596 (OP) >High school is open campus >incident with a white autist vet coming in and waving a shotgun >no one is hurt but school decides to switch to closed campus >They want to build an iron fence around the school but don't have the funding >start slashing electives like retards, end up pissing of most people. >JROTC, French, cooking, car workshop, metal shop, and flower arrangement all cut >It causes actual student and parent protests but the school doesn't give a s--- >They start building over the summer >Costs more than expected and so they run out of funding with only 40% of the fence finished >there are literal door frames with no fence around them >Everyone is even more p----- but once again the school doesn't care >Within the first week of the semester a friend of mine starts learning how do drive >her older sister is teaching her >the 3 of us stay late after school to hangout at, leave around 7 so its starting to get dark. >almost no one is here, older sister decides its a good time to teach friend how to back out of a parking space >Friend panics and floors it while in reverse >smash into the fence >its so s----- it falls over and sets off a reaction that tears down most of the section >Sister takes over and floors it out of there >Next school day we have an auditorium conference >Faculty think someone knocked the fence down on purpose in protest, they suspect the JROTC kids >try to scare a confession out of the students but no one comes forward >the security cameras don't work, they were just for show >never get caught for causing tens of thousands in damage to the school >they stay open campus
Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)12:05:41 No.848022273 File: 1545453930760.jpg (10 KB, 259x194) >>848010596 (OP) >High school is open campus >incident with a white autist vet coming in and waving a shotgun >no one is hurt but school decides to switch to closed campus >They want to build an iron fence around the school but don't have the funding >start slashing electives like retards, end up pissing of most people. >JROTC, French, cooking, car workshop, metal shop, and flower arrangement all cut >It causes actual student and parent protests but the school doesn't give a s--- >They start building over the summer >Costs more than expected and so they run out of funding with only 40% of the fence finished >there are literal door frames with no fence around them >Everyone is even more p----- but once again the school doesn't care >Within the first week of the semester a friend of mine starts learning how do drive >her older sister is teaching her >the 3 of us stay late after school to hangout at, leave around 7 so its starting to get dark. >almost no one is here, older sister decides its a good time to teach friend how to back out of a parking space >Friend panics and floors it while in reverse >smash into the fence >its so s----- it falls over and sets off a reaction that tears down most of the section >Sister takes over and floors it out of there >Next school day we have an auditorium conference >Faculty think someone knocked the fence down on purpose in protest, they suspect the JROTC kids >try to scare a confession out of the students but no one comes forward >the security cameras don't work, they were just for show >never get caught for causing tens of thousands in damage to the school >they stay open campus

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Anon finds a girl | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)09:54:08 No.847998756 download.png 197 KB PNG >23 y/o virgin >at a bar with friends >liquid confidence gets me >manage to get a girl to come back to my apartment >things get heated and we start undressing >take off my pants and go to unbutton my shirt like pic related >"anon whats that" >she laughs uncontrollably >gets dressed and orders an uber home What the f--- is wrong with women, maybe I just don't like my shirt untucking
: Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)09:54:08 No.847998756 download.png 197 KB PNG >23 y/o virgin >at a bar with friends >liquid confidence gets me >manage to get a girl to come back to my apartment >things get heated and we start undressing >take off my pants and go to unbutton my shirt like pic related >"anon whats that" >she laughs uncontrollably >gets dressed and orders an uber home What the f--- is wrong with women, maybe I just don't like my shirt untucking

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Anon missed the signs | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)11:28:27 No.62443977 Missing the signs thread, I'll start >be me >hung out with this group of girls >only interested in this one girl >we always hang out, really good friends 39 KB PNG >one day sitting on a chair, she's on the ground beside me >she goes to hold my hand >think she just wants help up >start pulling her up >we both laugh awkwardly >fast forward to end of the school year >her group of lesbians walk by me >she gives me the finger when I try saying hi she ended up dating my best friend after View Thread
: Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)11:28:27 No.62443977 Missing the signs thread, I'll start >be me >hung out with this group of girls >only interested in this one girl >we always hang out, really good friends 39 KB PNG >one day sitting on a chair, she's on the ground beside me >she goes to hold my hand >think she just wants help up >start pulling her up >we both laugh awkwardly >fast forward to end of the school year >her group of lesbians walk by me >she gives me the finger when I try saying hi she ended up dating my best friend after View Thread

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Anon does online learning | /r/Greentext

>In online class >Barely pay attention >Always distracted >On my phone throughout McFuckinoad it >Sometimes even mute the class >Don't study as much as I used to because libraries are closed and I Just about 6 KB JPG can't revise at home > "Why am I not doing as well as I should?"
>In online class >Barely pay attention >Always distracted >On my phone throughout McFuckinoad it >Sometimes even mute the class >Don't study as much as I used to because libraries are closed and I Just about 6 KB JPG can't revise at home > "Why am I not doing as well as I should?"

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Anon is straight but | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/22/21 (Mon)01:46:25 No.847995854 I'm a straight guy but I've fallen in love with my best friend, what should I do. I don't even like gay sex but I want to be in a relationship with him. He's also straight I think but he's never been in a relationship since I've known him at least so maybe he could be gay? Please give me some advice, should I tell him how I feel? 321 KB JPG : Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)01:59:01 No.847996412 : Anonymous 02/22/21 (Mon)02:06:24 No.847996768 : Anonymous 02/22/21 (Mon)02:09:00 No.847996878 >i'm straight but 477 KB GIF : Anonymous 02/22/21 (Mon)02:19:05 No.847997284 >>847997464 # : Anonymous 02/22/21 (Mon)02:22:14 No.847997425 >>847995854 (OP) # >l'm in love with a man, but I'm not gay haha I swear it's just I want to marry him no h--- haha guys please I'm straight haha I just happen to like men lol haha xD no h--- tho I'm just attracted to men haha F------ lost M8 it's fine if you're gay, but your mental gymnastics are just f------ with you, even though they are hilarious
: Anonymous 02/22/21 (Mon)01:46:25 No.847995854 I'm a straight guy but I've fallen in love with my best friend, what should I do. I don't even like gay sex but I want to be in a relationship with him. He's also straight I think but he's never been in a relationship since I've known him at least so maybe he could be gay? Please give me some advice, should I tell him how I feel? 321 KB JPG : Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)01:59:01 No.847996412 : Anonymous 02/22/21 (Mon)02:06:24 No.847996768 : Anonymous 02/22/21 (Mon)02:09:00 No.847996878 >i'm straight but 477 KB GIF : Anonymous 02/22/21 (Mon)02:19:05 No.847997284 >>847997464 # : Anonymous 02/22/21 (Mon)02:22:14 No.847997425 >>847995854 (OP) # >l'm in love with a man, but I'm not gay haha I swear it's just I want to marry him no h--- haha guys please I'm straight haha I just happen to like men lol haha xD no h--- tho I'm just attracted to men haha F------ lost M8 it's fine if you're gay, but your mental gymnastics are just f------ with you, even though they are hilarious

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