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: Anonymous 06/27/12(Wed)18:06:49 No. 2903512 >13 years old, have had boners many many times before, just not know what the point was >In my room secretly watching documentary about danish strippers >Have r-----------, I'm just staring at it and raging thinking "what the f--- is the point.." >Decided to continue watching another ten minutes of the documentary >R----------- still annoying the hell out of me, decide to grab it really hard and maybe "choke" it to sleep >Feels kinda good, wat is this!? >Start experimenting with different motions, feels better and better >HHHHHNNNNNNNGGGGG >What the f--- just happened >Get scared shitless, thinking this is not normal. >Quickly turn off TV, go to bed, terrified that I broke my d--- somehow. >Didn't jack it for another week just to be sure that everything was ok.

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Origin Entry: Greentext Stories

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HOW IS YOUR NIGHT GOING /v/? Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:34 No.39833040 Mine is doing good, I just sat down and cracked open a bear and about to play some TF2. Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:35 No.39833090 You cracked open a bear? Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:36 No.39833114 >Cracked open a bear Oh god what OP TF2 IS FOR CASUALS Crro Lack

Anonymous (ID: 31kpyf2g) I f------ hate these people 07/11/21(Sun)21:52:59 No.329597517 1d Amen. As a Democract, I worry about us allowing our cities to become wastelands of homeless drug addicts. I am excited to move out to the suburbs because at least life will be pleasant out there, even if I have to live amongst the Republicans. I want to be able to go for a walk without fear of attack. Do Democrats only care about the rights of antisocial drug addicted transients? I will never vote Republican, but I hate how us Dems don't have the courage to let the ends justify the means. 1625859701519m.jpg 110 KB JPG there is no political solution Anonymous (ID: ricZnDZD) >>329597517 (OP) # 07/11/21(Sun)21:55:23 No.329597743 >I recognize that my party doesn't have my best interests in mind >in fact, I can see that my party favors literal criminals over law abiding citizens >I have to literally pack my s--- up and move because my party ruined my home >I wont ever change the way I vote though Imao Democracy was a mistake >>329599805 # >>329600177 # >>329601081 #

34 KB JPG >Be born in 1949 >Don't have to fight in a war >Be 20 years old in time for the summer of '69 >Pick up some ridiculous 11/10 who's hitchhiking to Woodstock in my Plymouth Roadrunner I bought after working a summer job for a month >She's immediately into me because she's from a small town and I'm the only man in her life who's not her father or brother >Bring her home and marry her >Go to get a job, hired off the street with no experience and get trained >Buy 10 acres of land for less than what I make in a year >rent out my land for decades >retire and sit around house all day looking at my collection of boats and cars I never use Kids today just don't understand hard work and pulling themselves up by their bootstraps

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Anon's friend needs to be potty trained | /r/Greentext

File: plstp.jpg (14 KB, 312x245) "that guy" stories Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)13:10:45 No.62444259 [Reply] ► >>62444303 >>62444882 This was a decade ago but it still haunts me >be me, 19, uni student >visit friend in his new apartment >he's also 19, just moved out his parents' place >play vidya with him >have to take a s---, use his bathroom >can't find tp >m----------- used it up and didn't replace the roll >f------ children living on their own for the first time >luckily got some tissues with me, use those >get back to vidya >"yo mate, you ran out of tp" >"nah I don't need any" >"what do you mean you don't need any?" >"I just flush without looking." >awkward pause >.. >.. >WHAT?! >m----------- thought tp was just there to cover your s--- so you don't have to look at it while you flush >says he never looks back at his s---, that's weird >says he saves money >my f------ face when

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Anon is a gamer | /r/Greentext

File: pepegamer.jpg (138 KB, 880x793) Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)21:29:29 No.848027878 >be me >gaming alone in room with two friends who are together >they start making out >mind my own business and concentrate on my game >all of a sudden start f------ like rabbits >still concentrated on my game >mfw I start rethinking my life decisions

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anon gets a girlfriend | /r/Greentext

File: 212333.png (60 KB, 500x751) O Anonymous 02/04/19(Mon)06:43:07 No.50789300 (F Anon, what is your most cringe/embarrassing story? The s >be me >11 year old latchkey kid >always f------ horny >rub my d--- on everything in the house >eventually stick d--- into leather couch cushions >feelsgood.jpg >c-- all over cushions, clean with wet rag >do this afterschool everyday for a month >couch is basically first girlfriend >birthday comes around on a weekday >get home and start undressing >kneel in front of her and rub her cushions >happybirthdaytome >spit on my d--- and start pounding sad birthday pepe >push down on cushions for more pressure >start to c-- when parents burst in with gifts >stare at each other as I'm finishing >mom starts crying, dad starts yelling >frozen in fear, faint like a bitch >wake up in my bed, dad carried me >new ps2 and cake on nightstand >cry all night >next morning, it never happened >parents have literally never brought it up again >its been 18 years >dad buys new couch this weekend for living room >dad and I carry it into the living room >put it down, he thanks me and starts heading upstairs >iay on new couch to watch tv >dad turns around and looks at me >"try to be gentle with this one" >fingerguns.gif >mfw

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Can't believe he would say that in front of Steve | /r/Greentext

family feud time bois Anonymous 07/30/19(Tue)20:52:26 No.118860471 >>118860921 >Steve Harvey: "We asked 100 people, what is the male reproductive organ?" >Contestant: "The penis" >SH: "A WUH... HUH??" >audience erupts into laughter >Steve Harvey grabs onto podium to support himself >laughter gets even louder >SH: "O lordy.." >one man goes into cardiac arrest and many others begin vomiting profusely from laughing too hard >SH: "YOU PEOPLE NEED HELP" >the Earth shatters and Satan rises from the underworld to claim unworthy souls >the universe begins rapidly closing in on itself >SH: (putting on a weary voice) "Survey says..." >the board shows 100 for "penis" >Harvey is able to get off one more shocked look before existence as we know it comes to an end

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Anon is an entrepreneur | /r/Greentext

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Anon uses google translate | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: YWGR3XT7 02/19/21(Fri)20:50:56 No.308921358 Go to google translator English to Latin "Quarantine" S--- bricks 577 KB PNG : Anonymous (ID: YWGR3X17 02/19/21(Fri)20:51:50 No.308921463 Forgot to mention: keep translating it back and forth. >>308923712 # >>308927857 # >>308927908 # >>308928789 # >>308929106 # >>308929346 # >>308930244 #

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Anon gives a driving lesson | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)12:05:41 No.848022273 File: 1545453930760.jpg (10 KB, 259x194) >>848010596 (OP) >High school is open campus >incident with a white autist vet coming in and waving a shotgun >no one is hurt but school decides to switch to closed campus >They want to build an iron fence around the school but don't have the funding >start slashing electives like retards, end up pissing of most people. >JROTC, French, cooking, car workshop, metal shop, and flower arrangement all cut >It causes actual student and parent protests but the school doesn't give a s--- >They start building over the summer >Costs more than expected and so they run out of funding with only 40% of the fence finished >there are literal door frames with no fence around them >Everyone is even more p----- but once again the school doesn't care >Within the first week of the semester a friend of mine starts learning how do drive >her older sister is teaching her >the 3 of us stay late after school to hangout at, leave around 7 so its starting to get dark. >almost no one is here, older sister decides its a good time to teach friend how to back out of a parking space >Friend panics and floors it while in reverse >smash into the fence >its so s----- it falls over and sets off a reaction that tears down most of the section >Sister takes over and floors it out of there >Next school day we have an auditorium conference >Faculty think someone knocked the fence down on purpose in protest, they suspect the JROTC kids >try to scare a confession out of the students but no one comes forward >the security cameras don't work, they were just for show >never get caught for causing tens of thousands in damage to the school >they stay open campus

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Anon finds a girl | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)09:54:08 No.847998756 download.png 197 KB PNG >23 y/o virgin >at a bar with friends >liquid confidence gets me >manage to get a girl to come back to my apartment >things get heated and we start undressing >take off my pants and go to unbutton my shirt like pic related >"anon whats that" >she laughs uncontrollably >gets dressed and orders an uber home What the f--- is wrong with women, maybe I just don't like my shirt untucking

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Anon missed the signs | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)11:28:27 No.62443977 Missing the signs thread, I'll start >be me >hung out with this group of girls >only interested in this one girl >we always hang out, really good friends 39 KB PNG >one day sitting on a chair, she's on the ground beside me >she goes to hold my hand >think she just wants help up >start pulling her up >we both laugh awkwardly >fast forward to end of the school year >her group of lesbians walk by me >she gives me the finger when I try saying hi she ended up dating my best friend after View Thread

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Anon does online learning | /r/Greentext

>In online class >Barely pay attention >Always distracted >On my phone throughout McFuckinoad it >Sometimes even mute the class >Don't study as much as I used to because libraries are closed and I Just about 6 KB JPG can't revise at home > "Why am I not doing as well as I should?"

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Anon is straight but | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/22/21 (Mon)01:46:25 No.847995854 I'm a straight guy but I've fallen in love with my best friend, what should I do. I don't even like gay sex but I want to be in a relationship with him. He's also straight I think but he's never been in a relationship since I've known him at least so maybe he could be gay? Please give me some advice, should I tell him how I feel? 321 KB JPG : Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)01:59:01 No.847996412 : Anonymous 02/22/21 (Mon)02:06:24 No.847996768 : Anonymous 02/22/21 (Mon)02:09:00 No.847996878 >i'm straight but 477 KB GIF : Anonymous 02/22/21 (Mon)02:19:05 No.847997284 >>847997464 # : Anonymous 02/22/21 (Mon)02:22:14 No.847997425 >>847995854 (OP) # >l'm in love with a man, but I'm not gay haha I swear it's just I want to marry him no h--- haha guys please I'm straight haha I just happen to like men lol haha xD no h--- tho I'm just attracted to men haha F------ lost M8 it's fine if you're gay, but your mental gymnastics are just f------ with you, even though they are hilarious

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Anon has relationship issues | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/21/19(Sat)08:49:09 No.54508315 >be me >live with a girl >bigtiddygothgf.png >have been with her for 6 years now >there's one problem >she only uses me to satisfy her primal urges 8 KB GIF >every single morning and sometimes before bed she remembers my existence and wants me to fulfil her bodily needs >that's it >besides that, I have no other functions in the relationship >because of it im always stressed and think about losing her, being replaced, always worry that I no longer satisfy her, think that I've become rusty >then suddenly >one day she comes back home visibly depressed >doesn't look at me at all for a while >after a week she suddenly remembers that I exist, and this time it seems like she believes | can help in other ways >she wants to go to the bathroom for some reason >we go there, the bath is filled with hot water >she wants us to bathe together >she gets in first, then helps me climb in as well >suddenly drops me >she's immediately electrocuted >mfw im a toaster

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Greentext Stories - Anon watches a documentary | /r/Greentext

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: Anonymous 06/27/12(Wed)18:06:49 No. 2903512 >13 years old, have had boners many many times before, just not know what the point was >In my room secretly watching documentary about danish strippers >Have r-----------, I'm just staring at it and raging thinking "what the f--- is the point.." >Decided to continue watching another ten minutes of the documentary >R----------- still annoying the hell out of me, decide to grab it really hard and maybe "choke" it to sleep >Feels kinda good, wat is this!? >Start experimenting with different motions, feels better and better >HHHHHNNNNNNNGGGGG >What the f--- just happened >Get scared shitless, thinking this is not normal. >Quickly turn off TV, go to bed, terrified that I broke my d--- somehow. >Didn't jack it for another week just to be sure that everything was ok.

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