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Bloons Tower Defense | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/07/21(Thu)17:01:49 No.864579631 >see someone listening to music in a discord vc >notice there are 7 music bots in the discord >idea.jpg >join 82 KB PNG >play monkey sounds on 5 bots >play pirate shanties on the remaining music bot >"yo what the f---" >ROFL while listening to some boomer yell "SHUT THE F--- UP" at bots
: Anonymous 10/07/21(Thu)17:01:49 No.864579631 >see someone listening to music in a discord vc >notice there are 7 music bots in the discord >idea.jpg >join 82 KB PNG >play monkey sounds on 5 bots >play pirate shanties on the remaining music bot >"yo what the f---" >ROFL while listening to some boomer yell "SHUT THE F--- UP" at bots

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Anon KOs a pedo | /r/Greentext

Here's a story for you kids > be me > 24 > go to the park with my nephew and my niece > One is an 8 year old girl and one is a 12 year old boy. 59 KB JPG > let them do their dumb s--- while keeping a keen eye on them. > Creepy guy in his 30s presumably comes up to them. > creepy dead eyes > hairline is f----- > fat c--- > they aren't to far off so I can hear their conversation. > "hey do you two like animals?" > They're kids so of course they say yes. > "oh nice I work at a zoo and I work with all types of animals." >I call out to my nephew to come to me. >I say “Make sure that f----- doesn't do anything over the line" > He nods > Before he reaches the creepy guy I hear the creepy guy say to my niece > "When you're in high school, the boys will be all over you. Maybe I could teach you a thing or two beforehand" > grabs her waist > Nephew gives me a look > I immediately run to the f----- and grab him by the neck and slam him down. > "what the hell are you doing? I'm going to call the f------ police on you a------" > punch the c--- once > knocks him out > people gather around > police arrive and arrest him > my niece asks me what he meant by the high school thing > "he was talking about math and how all the boys will help you with it" > she asks "okay then why did you punch him" > "it's my job to help you with math not him" And that's really it. If you guys see any people like this. Do me a favour and give them a good punch to the teeth
Here's a story for you kids > be me > 24 > go to the park with my nephew and my niece > One is an 8 year old girl and one is a 12 year old boy. 59 KB JPG > let them do their dumb s--- while keeping a keen eye on them. > Creepy guy in his 30s presumably comes up to them. > creepy dead eyes > hairline is f----- > fat c--- > they aren't to far off so I can hear their conversation. > "hey do you two like animals?" > They're kids so of course they say yes. > "oh nice I work at a zoo and I work with all types of animals." >I call out to my nephew to come to me. >I say “Make sure that f----- doesn't do anything over the line" > He nods > Before he reaches the creepy guy I hear the creepy guy say to my niece > "When you're in high school, the boys will be all over you. Maybe I could teach you a thing or two beforehand" > grabs her waist > Nephew gives me a look > I immediately run to the f----- and grab him by the neck and slam him down. > "what the hell are you doing? I'm going to call the f------ police on you a------" > punch the c--- once > knocks him out > people gather around > police arrive and arrest him > my niece asks me what he meant by the high school thing > "he was talking about math and how all the boys will help you with it" > she asks "okay then why did you punch him" > "it's my job to help you with math not him" And that's really it. If you guys see any people like this. Do me a favour and give them a good punch to the teeth

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Anon Wears a Mask | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/27/21(Tue)10:53:06 No.859783084 >am fully vaccinated >still wear a mask in public because it triggers antimaskers into fits >l'm free to wear a mask and that freedom makes them seeth. 288 KB JPG
: Anonymous 07/27/21(Tue)10:53:06 No.859783084 >am fully vaccinated >still wear a mask in public because it triggers antimaskers into fits >l'm free to wear a mask and that freedom makes them seeth. 288 KB JPG

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Pay to play | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Making friends isn't as hard a...) 10/07/21(Thu)13:17:23 No.65671075 >be me, today >felt loney the whole month and watched self-impovement content >go on a walk around the neighborhood >tell myself I'm going to try the "old man" approach where you say 73 KB PNG hi and talk to everyone you see >some young lawn care serive guy is shoveling dirt into a wheel barrel >l say to him "looks like hard work" >he says "yeah, it is" >i say "let me give it a try" >I'm shoveling the dirt >he says "this makes my job a little easier" >i tell him the I don't mind because I don't need to work because I bought dogecoin (not even true I'm just a neet) >now he's greatly interested >I'm telling him about crypto and the lady who's house he was working on asks us about what we're talking about >i help both of them set up a coinbase account and we're all been talking like an hour after that >add the dude on IG I guess we're friends now.
: Anonymous Making friends isn't as hard a...) 10/07/21(Thu)13:17:23 No.65671075 >be me, today >felt loney the whole month and watched self-impovement content >go on a walk around the neighborhood >tell myself I'm going to try the "old man" approach where you say 73 KB PNG hi and talk to everyone you see >some young lawn care serive guy is shoveling dirt into a wheel barrel >l say to him "looks like hard work" >he says "yeah, it is" >i say "let me give it a try" >I'm shoveling the dirt >he says "this makes my job a little easier" >i tell him the I don't mind because I don't need to work because I bought dogecoin (not even true I'm just a neet) >now he's greatly interested >I'm telling him about crypto and the lady who's house he was working on asks us about what we're talking about >i help both of them set up a coinbase account and we're all been talking like an hour after that >add the dude on IG I guess we're friends now.

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Anon debunks asian culture | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/08/21(Fri)01:56:45 No.65674513 >Move to Southeast Asia to teach English, but mostly to find love >Finding a girlfriend ends up being even easier than I expected, most girls end up making the first move on me for a change >All my high school student girls 83 KB JPG look at me with the "f--- me" eyes >Literally treated like a celebrity, I've had girls I don't even know literally grab my arm while walking past them on the street and ask "f--- me?" for no pay (initially) >Then end up realizing the more we talk after a few weeks that I actually am a walking wallet and social trophy to them >Only then started to realize asian culture (even east Asian culture) is centered around prestige and social class. There's no such thing as true love in Asia if you're not financially well off or white. Luckily I'm both of those things, but I don't feel like I'm being loved for me. When I f--- these girls I can obviously tell they're into me, but when I have usual boyfriend-girlfriend conversations with them I start to doubt that they actually like me for who I am. I was always an Incel in America, but now l'm a freaking p---- slayer and still feel empty. Is this what Stacy's feel like? Devoid of unconditional love and emotional affection?
: Anonymous 10/08/21(Fri)01:56:45 No.65674513 >Move to Southeast Asia to teach English, but mostly to find love >Finding a girlfriend ends up being even easier than I expected, most girls end up making the first move on me for a change >All my high school student girls 83 KB JPG look at me with the "f--- me" eyes >Literally treated like a celebrity, I've had girls I don't even know literally grab my arm while walking past them on the street and ask "f--- me?" for no pay (initially) >Then end up realizing the more we talk after a few weeks that I actually am a walking wallet and social trophy to them >Only then started to realize asian culture (even east Asian culture) is centered around prestige and social class. There's no such thing as true love in Asia if you're not financially well off or white. Luckily I'm both of those things, but I don't feel like I'm being loved for me. When I f--- these girls I can obviously tell they're into me, but when I have usual boyfriend-girlfriend conversations with them I start to doubt that they actually like me for who I am. I was always an Incel in America, but now l'm a freaking p---- slayer and still feel empty. Is this what Stacy's feel like? Devoid of unconditional love and emotional affection?

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anon has a suicidal dilemma | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 10/07/21(Thu)14:49:59 No.65671918 >was gonna kill myself this week >sister's closest friend just killed themselves 30 minutes ago DANG >cant burden her with another suicide why do bitches always gotta steal the spotlight 17 KB JPG
Anonymous 10/07/21(Thu)14:49:59 No.65671918 >was gonna kill myself this week >sister's closest friend just killed themselves 30 minutes ago DANG >cant burden her with another suicide why do bitches always gotta steal the spotlight 17 KB JPG

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A Pro Gamer Move | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/06/21(Wed)22:40:28 No.864541000 > Be contract employee at company > Boss says my contract won't be renewed > Apply for new job at same company > Get job offer > Reject it 65 KB JPG
: Anonymous 10/06/21(Wed)22:40:28 No.864541000 > Be contract employee at company > Boss says my contract won't be renewed > Apply for new job at same company > Get job offer > Reject it 65 KB JPG

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Sticky situation | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/07/21(Thu)15:15:43 No.65672199 >The mayo >The mayo bottle is greasy >The mayo bottle will always be HELLMANNS 100% RECYCD OrE greasy >You cannot un-grease the mayo bottle 302 KB JPG >Your hands are always covered in sandwich supply debris >The mayo bottle is always greasy >Even if you touched nothing else before the mayo bottle, it makes your hands greasy >The mayo bottle slowly greases the fridge >You cannot clean either of them >You will never free yourself from grease >The mayo 5 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 10/07/21(Thu)15:17:38 No.65672214 >puts the bottle under running water >rub for a few minutes >wipe with paper towel >put bottle back in fridge or just stop picking up the bottle with your dirty hands you dumb f---
: Anonymous 10/07/21(Thu)15:15:43 No.65672199 >The mayo >The mayo bottle is greasy >The mayo bottle will always be HELLMANNS 100% RECYCD OrE greasy >You cannot un-grease the mayo bottle 302 KB JPG >Your hands are always covered in sandwich supply debris >The mayo bottle is always greasy >Even if you touched nothing else before the mayo bottle, it makes your hands greasy >The mayo bottle slowly greases the fridge >You cannot clean either of them >You will never free yourself from grease >The mayo 5 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 10/07/21(Thu)15:17:38 No.65672214 >puts the bottle under running water >rub for a few minutes >wipe with paper towel >put bottle back in fridge or just stop picking up the bottle with your dirty hands you dumb f---

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Anon makes a deal with the devil | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/07/21(Thu)18:24:40 No.65674198 >run into weird satanic witchcraft cringe dude on insta >instead of calling him an idiot and getting blocked I try to have fun with it >tell him to use his "powers" to get my coworker to fall in love with me 31 KB JPG >"ok" >asks me to DM him photos of her >no word for a few days >kinda just forget about >2 days ago finally DMs me "done" >yesterday coworker was acting really really chummy with me >texted me today asking if I'm doing anything on Saturday to go on a date >get scared realizing l've very possibly made an actual deal with satan >whathaveidone Guys.. God knows I was just trolling right? I'm not gonna be cast to hell for this right? I didn't think this was real but also my coworker is really hot so I don't want to just ignore her.
: Anonymous 10/07/21(Thu)18:24:40 No.65674198 >run into weird satanic witchcraft cringe dude on insta >instead of calling him an idiot and getting blocked I try to have fun with it >tell him to use his "powers" to get my coworker to fall in love with me 31 KB JPG >"ok" >asks me to DM him photos of her >no word for a few days >kinda just forget about >2 days ago finally DMs me "done" >yesterday coworker was acting really really chummy with me >texted me today asking if I'm doing anything on Saturday to go on a date >get scared realizing l've very possibly made an actual deal with satan >whathaveidone Guys.. God knows I was just trolling right? I'm not gonna be cast to hell for this right? I didn't think this was real but also my coworker is really hot so I don't want to just ignore her.

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Japan is the model | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: mIF/4VTZ 01/05/21(Tue)02:11:56 No.300213273 Everything about Japan makes sense when you realize its basically an entire nation run by right wing, autistic nerds. >Efficiency is prioritized. >Orderly conduct and rule following 212 KB JPG emphasized as social values. >Men are too shy to seduce women independently so they mainly rely on matchmaking through friends. >6.2% of marriages are still arranged. >Legal prostitution for guys who can't get laid. >Emphasis on girls being cute and child-like. Delayed physical and emotional maturity is common. >More intelligent on average. >Loves robots and artificial intelligence. >Media works overtime to essentially brainwash the women into being attracted to shy nerdy guys. Japan is proof that if right-wing autists ruled the world, we'd create the greatest society ever known to mankind.
: Anonymous (ID: mIF/4VTZ 01/05/21(Tue)02:11:56 No.300213273 Everything about Japan makes sense when you realize its basically an entire nation run by right wing, autistic nerds. >Efficiency is prioritized. >Orderly conduct and rule following 212 KB JPG emphasized as social values. >Men are too shy to seduce women independently so they mainly rely on matchmaking through friends. >6.2% of marriages are still arranged. >Legal prostitution for guys who can't get laid. >Emphasis on girls being cute and child-like. Delayed physical and emotional maturity is common. >More intelligent on average. >Loves robots and artificial intelligence. >Media works overtime to essentially brainwash the women into being attracted to shy nerdy guys. Japan is proof that if right-wing autists ruled the world, we'd create the greatest society ever known to mankind.

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Second Opinion | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/06/21(Wed)20:40:18 No.65663565 >meet girl on insta >all her posts are FDS s--- about high value males and how women shouldn't serve men and they shouldn't be attractive just for hey ^^ sit down wherever u want men 77 KB JPG >keep talking to her and start sexting >she keeps saying she wants to worship me and wants me to throw her around and use her I feel like this is a constant theme with most women I talk to. Why is the cognitive dissonance so prevalent?
: Anonymous 10/06/21(Wed)20:40:18 No.65663565 >meet girl on insta >all her posts are FDS s--- about high value males and how women shouldn't serve men and they shouldn't be attractive just for hey ^^ sit down wherever u want men 77 KB JPG >keep talking to her and start sexting >she keeps saying she wants to worship me and wants me to throw her around and use her I feel like this is a constant theme with most women I talk to. Why is the cognitive dissonance so prevalent?

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Ferris you sly bastard | /r/Greentext

>Be me >22 year old virgin >Complete f------ loser >Can't talk to girls >At bar drinking away sorrows >Qt3.14 approaches me, asks for my 6 KB JPG number >wut >Give to her, start texting >Flash forward a few days >Invites me over to smoke weed >Super super dank s--- >Get high as m------------ balls >Girl invites me back to her room >Gets on top, starts kissing me >Holyshititshappening.jpg >Hey anon, l'm gonna turn on a movie for some background noise >Barely even hear her, blood entirely below the belt >Turns on some Netflix movie, starts taking off clothes >"Incredible! One of the worst performances of my career and they never doubted it for a second" >It's f------ Ferris Bueller >My favorite movie >My stoned ass only wants to watch this movie >I will literally f------ kill myself if I don't get to watch this movie right now >Getthefuckoffmebitch.png >ls something wrong Anon? >I can't have sex in front of Ferris >Sit on the edge of her bed and watch the entire movie without blinking >Erect the entire time >She falls asleep >Finish movie, call friend to take me home >Wake up next morning >Oh my dear f------ god how autistic am I >Girl angry that I ignored her and blocks me >Mfw my stoned ass watched a movie from the 80s rather than get laid >Pic related
>Be me >22 year old virgin >Complete f------ loser >Can't talk to girls >At bar drinking away sorrows >Qt3.14 approaches me, asks for my 6 KB JPG number >wut >Give to her, start texting >Flash forward a few days >Invites me over to smoke weed >Super super dank s--- >Get high as m------------ balls >Girl invites me back to her room >Gets on top, starts kissing me >Holyshititshappening.jpg >Hey anon, l'm gonna turn on a movie for some background noise >Barely even hear her, blood entirely below the belt >Turns on some Netflix movie, starts taking off clothes >"Incredible! One of the worst performances of my career and they never doubted it for a second" >It's f------ Ferris Bueller >My favorite movie >My stoned ass only wants to watch this movie >I will literally f------ kill myself if I don't get to watch this movie right now >Getthefuckoffmebitch.png >ls something wrong Anon? >I can't have sex in front of Ferris >Sit on the edge of her bed and watch the entire movie without blinking >Erect the entire time >She falls asleep >Finish movie, call friend to take me home >Wake up next morning >Oh my dear f------ god how autistic am I >Girl angry that I ignored her and blocks me >Mfw my stoned ass watched a movie from the 80s rather than get laid >Pic related

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Short circuits | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Another upgrade attempt 10/07/21(Thu)04:41:28 No.65667521 >robot >long past use-by date >programmed against self- termination >never mated >44 yearly units have passed since creation 429 KB JPG >failed in every way imaginable >decide to sign up at the local 24-hour gym again >the showers there are comfy >maybe this time something will come of going there >every attempt to fix and upgrade machine-parts, has ended spectacularly in failure >this time will be no different >but at least the showers are comfy >really, really comfy
: Anonymous Another upgrade attempt 10/07/21(Thu)04:41:28 No.65667521 >robot >long past use-by date >programmed against self- termination >never mated >44 yearly units have passed since creation 429 KB JPG >failed in every way imaginable >decide to sign up at the local 24-hour gym again >the showers there are comfy >maybe this time something will come of going there >every attempt to fix and upgrade machine-parts, has ended spectacularly in failure >this time will be no different >but at least the showers are comfy >really, really comfy

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Girls Run the World | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/07/21(Thu)01:14:43 No.65667401 >claims to be "the rational sex" >proceeds to waste $10000 on e-thots Many such cases! 254 KB PNG : Anonymous 10/07/21(Thu)01:19:31 No.65667424 >women think emotionally, now we men actually utilize our 200 IQ stem brains when we make decisions! >immediately donates $500 to a random twitch streamer girl Men are pathetic. 199 KB JPG
: Anonymous 10/07/21(Thu)01:14:43 No.65667401 >claims to be "the rational sex" >proceeds to waste $10000 on e-thots Many such cases! 254 KB PNG : Anonymous 10/07/21(Thu)01:19:31 No.65667424 >women think emotionally, now we men actually utilize our 200 IQ stem brains when we make decisions! >immediately donates $500 to a random twitch streamer girl Men are pathetic. 199 KB JPG

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Anon questions his decision | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous How retarded am l? 10/07/21(Thu)19:15:36 No.65669300 >talking to girl on skype back when people used that >she asks how many sexual partners l've had >confide that I am virgin >on a later day she makes fun of me for it in front of a group of 163 KB PNG people we're hanging out with together Why the f--- didn't I lie?
: Anonymous How retarded am l? 10/07/21(Thu)19:15:36 No.65669300 >talking to girl on skype back when people used that >she asks how many sexual partners l've had >confide that I am virgin >on a later day she makes fun of me for it in front of a group of 163 KB PNG people we're hanging out with together Why the f--- didn't I lie?

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Anon wants to be a hero | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/07/21(Thu)11:55:15 No.864564045 >be me >absolutely love spider-man >would do anything to be like him >get an idea >look for a spider so I can get it to bite me 426 KB JPG >probably won't work, but what's the worst that can happen? >find a spider >play with it for almost 30 minutes to get it to bite me >when it finally dies, it hurts really bad >another 20 minutes later, pic related >on my way to the hospital now This was by far the worst decision I've ever made
: Anonymous 10/07/21(Thu)11:55:15 No.864564045 >be me >absolutely love spider-man >would do anything to be like him >get an idea >look for a spider so I can get it to bite me 426 KB JPG >probably won't work, but what's the worst that can happen? >find a spider >play with it for almost 30 minutes to get it to bite me >when it finally dies, it hurts really bad >another 20 minutes later, pic related >on my way to the hospital now This was by far the worst decision I've ever made

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Anon orders food | /r/Greentext

1. #46874383 7/18/18, 10:45 AM I really f----- up bad this time guys >be me >33 y/o NEET >dad left me a large inheritance so i dont have to work >severely agoraphobic so I order everything online >survive entirely off of food delivery services like ubereats and postmates >delivery driver a few weeks ago is the most shockingly beautiful woman ive ever seen >she smiles at me >heartmelts.png >print her profile photo from the order history page >sleep with this photo next to me every night now >idea.jpg >order food 3 times a day for the next few weeks trying to get her as my driver again >finally success...get completely naked in preparation >fate favors the bold so I chub up my d--- >fullyerect.jpg >she knocks on the door >tell her its unlocked and she can come in >she says she doesnt feel comfortable doing that >after some back and forth she opens the door >her eyes scan the room until she sees me on the couch, fully erect and naked >she screams and drops the food and runs out the door >a few minutes later some guy starts pounding on my door, probably her boyfriend >after 10 minutes he finally leaves but he was yelling about calling the police They can't actually do anything, can they? She walked in on me so technically she was violating my privacy if anything. My ubereats account stopped working so I can't place more orders to try to see her again and explain things. Now I'm going to get in big trouble over a simple misunderstanding. F--- everyone on discord who told me the naked man technique would work.
1. #46874383 7/18/18, 10:45 AM I really f----- up bad this time guys >be me >33 y/o NEET >dad left me a large inheritance so i dont have to work >severely agoraphobic so I order everything online >survive entirely off of food delivery services like ubereats and postmates >delivery driver a few weeks ago is the most shockingly beautiful woman ive ever seen >she smiles at me >heartmelts.png >print her profile photo from the order history page >sleep with this photo next to me every night now >idea.jpg >order food 3 times a day for the next few weeks trying to get her as my driver again >finally success...get completely naked in preparation >fate favors the bold so I chub up my d--- >fullyerect.jpg >she knocks on the door >tell her its unlocked and she can come in >she says she doesnt feel comfortable doing that >after some back and forth she opens the door >her eyes scan the room until she sees me on the couch, fully erect and naked >she screams and drops the food and runs out the door >a few minutes later some guy starts pounding on my door, probably her boyfriend >after 10 minutes he finally leaves but he was yelling about calling the police They can't actually do anything, can they? She walked in on me so technically she was violating my privacy if anything. My ubereats account stopped working so I can't place more orders to try to see her again and explain things. Now I'm going to get in big trouble over a simple misunderstanding. F--- everyone on discord who told me the naked man technique would work.

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Anon orders pancakes | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)19:48:24 No.15514415 "Can I have the fruit pancakes please?" >"The what? There's nothing on the menu called "fruit pancakes". "Th-the fresh fruit pancakes." >"Huh.." "Th-this one..." [points to menu] >"Say it." 39 KB JPG "What?" >"Say. It." "I'd like a... r-.rooty t-tooty..." >"Say it like you mean it." [starting to cry] "I-I want a r-r-rooty t-tooty f-f.f- fresh n... n fruity..."
: Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)19:48:24 No.15514415 "Can I have the fruit pancakes please?" >"The what? There's nothing on the menu called "fruit pancakes". "Th-the fresh fruit pancakes." >"Huh.." "Th-this one..." [points to menu] >"Say it." 39 KB JPG "What?" >"Say. It." "I'd like a... r-.rooty t-tooty..." >"Say it like you mean it." [starting to cry] "I-I want a r-r-rooty t-tooty f-f.f- fresh n... n fruity..."

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Anon miss his friends | /r/Greentext

I hate doing this but here we go, greentext time >be me >doing college rn, it's hard but I'm doing ok >parents rented me a 71 KB JPG studio in a student building >guy next to me bought some friends over, they're doing lot of noises >be sad because my friends from last year are all away from me studying to0 >don't have friends in college >thinks to myself "I have to tell them to stfu" >too tired to because of college >go to bed, still sad, still lot of noise next door Feels bad man, i never thought i would someday miss having some friends, maybe i should just sleep my sadness away
I hate doing this but here we go, greentext time >be me >doing college rn, it's hard but I'm doing ok >parents rented me a 71 KB JPG studio in a student building >guy next to me bought some friends over, they're doing lot of noises >be sad because my friends from last year are all away from me studying to0 >don't have friends in college >thinks to myself "I have to tell them to stfu" >too tired to because of college >go to bed, still sad, still lot of noise next door Feels bad man, i never thought i would someday miss having some friends, maybe i should just sleep my sadness away

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Anon doesn't like reddit | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/07/21(Thu)03:10:42 No.65666717 >Make thread a week ago at 3 in the morning >Less than 30 mins later it's posted on Reddit >Thread gets less than a dozen replies and dies within the hour >Post gets 7k upvotes >Randomly appears as a meme in 7 KB JPG my f------ Instagram feed What's even the point of posting here anymore 16 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 10/07/21(Thu)03:10:42 No.65666717 >Make thread a week ago at 3 in the morning >Less than 30 mins later it's posted on Reddit >Thread gets less than a dozen replies and dies within the hour >Post gets 7k upvotes >Randomly appears as a meme in 7 KB JPG my f------ Instagram feed What's even the point of posting here anymore 16 Replies View Thread

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