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Anon gets confused (not OP) | /r/Greentext


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Anon hires an assassin | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 15 KB JPG 06/09/22(Thu)01:52:26 No.879784602 >be me, 28, suicidal >too p---- to kill myself >find out you can hire an assassin on the dark web >get onion browser >find assassin website >assassin costs upwards of 500 bucks >pay assassin 1500 to kill me >"this is a very special hit for you. i want you to kill me. I will do anything to get killed by another person" >1 week passes >get email >from the assassin website >"we're very sorry to hear about the situation you're going through. this website is actually a sting operation run by the fbi to catch losers who place hits on people etc etc" >they refund my money and give me suicide help resources now what, /b/tards?
: Anonymous 15 KB JPG 06/09/22(Thu)01:52:26 No.879784602 >be me, 28, suicidal >too p---- to kill myself >find out you can hire an assassin on the dark web >get onion browser >find assassin website >assassin costs upwards of 500 bucks >pay assassin 1500 to kill me >"this is a very special hit for you. i want you to kill me. I will do anything to get killed by another person" >1 week passes >get email >from the assassin website >"we're very sorry to hear about the situation you're going through. this website is actually a sting operation run by the fbi to catch losers who place hits on people etc etc" >they refund my money and give me suicide help resources now what, /b/tards?

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anon can't make a joke | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 17 KB JPG 01/15/22(Sat)12:06:35 No.66997457 >be me >be defeated by life so try tinder >match with some thot >she actually likes me and we have a nice chat she surprisingly accepts >be talking a lot and be confident >move the conversation to insta >decide to go for it and ask her out and 12 Replies >coom.wav >tell her we can go for a cup of coffee and suggest one I know >she suggests another one near her home >whatever.mp3 >check where the coffee house is >decide to make an edgy joke >tell her that the place is perfect cause there's an alley close by where I could take her and no one will ever hear her scream >she goes a------ >"exposes" me on her insta story and then blocks me guess ill just die alone then View Thread
: Anonymous 17 KB JPG 01/15/22(Sat)12:06:35 No.66997457 >be me >be defeated by life so try tinder >match with some thot >she actually likes me and we have a nice chat she surprisingly accepts >be talking a lot and be confident >move the conversation to insta >decide to go for it and ask her out and 12 Replies >coom.wav >tell her we can go for a cup of coffee and suggest one I know >she suggests another one near her home >whatever.mp3 >check where the coffee house is >decide to make an edgy joke >tell her that the place is perfect cause there's an alley close by where I could take her and no one will ever hear her scream >she goes a------ >"exposes" me on her insta story and then blocks me guess ill just die alone then View Thread

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Anon has fun on Tinder | /r/Greentext

Anonymous is columbia just full of prost(...) 218 KB JPG 10/13/22(Thu)23:40:33 No.2748948 >be on shitte dating app >keep getting likes by uggos, pinays, africans >match with a 6/10 columbian qt >shes talkative >feelsgoodman >she only wants to sell content >unmatch >repeat 500 times sure anyone you meet is liable to ask for money but these mfs are professional w----- what is the f----- deal Anonymous 10/13/22(Thu)23:45:00 No.27489492 You're on a prostitution app and can't figure out why there are so many prostitutes.... Have you considered going outside?
Anonymous is columbia just full of prost(...) 218 KB JPG 10/13/22(Thu)23:40:33 No.2748948 >be on shitte dating app >keep getting likes by uggos, pinays, africans >match with a 6/10 columbian qt >shes talkative >feelsgoodman >she only wants to sell content >unmatch >repeat 500 times sure anyone you meet is liable to ask for money but these mfs are professional w----- what is the f----- deal Anonymous 10/13/22(Thu)23:45:00 No.27489492 You're on a prostitution app and can't figure out why there are so many prostitutes.... Have you considered going outside?

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Anon wakes up in a nightmare | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/13/22(Thu)16:42:17 No.70572113 whenhercockisbigger.jpg 86 KB JPG >Take some chick into the woods >Smooching time on a bush >Take her panties off >It reeks of sulfur >Wake up >The smell persists Coward's Command Center
: Anonymous 10/13/22(Thu)16:42:17 No.70572113 whenhercockisbigger.jpg 86 KB JPG >Take some chick into the woods >Smooching time on a bush >Take her panties off >It reeks of sulfur >Wake up >The smell persists Coward's Command Center

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Anon likes Marvel movies | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/19/22(Thu)04:12:17 No.168240830 shutterstock_499695973.jpg 987 KB JPG >look >HEY look guys look >those idiots are walking out >pffft morons obviously haven't seen a marvel movie before >omg guys this is it >h-------- >wow is that Thor with his c--- in Dr. Strange's mouth >I can't wait to tell everyone on r/marvel >you guys do realize how much better we are than everyone else for waiting on the post credit scene right?! >pull all your d---- out guys let's j------- to it while we can
: Anonymous 05/19/22(Thu)04:12:17 No.168240830 shutterstock_499695973.jpg 987 KB JPG >look >HEY look guys look >those idiots are walking out >pffft morons obviously haven't seen a marvel movie before >omg guys this is it >h-------- >wow is that Thor with his c--- in Dr. Strange's mouth >I can't wait to tell everyone on r/marvel >you guys do realize how much better we are than everyone else for waiting on the post credit scene right?! >pull all your d---- out guys let's j------- to it while we can

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rationalisation by homosapiens | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 155 KB JPG 02/19/18(Mon)05:54:53 No.760416428 >women donating 1 million dollar to bail him out of prison >get model job after prison >is marrying billionaire daughter >is cheating on billionaire with ex >billionaire forgives him >be him >beat a child almost to death >get in prison Ronline Look don't matter. If you wanna get somewhere in life you gotta work for it. Right guys? View Thread
: Anonymous 155 KB JPG 02/19/18(Mon)05:54:53 No.760416428 >women donating 1 million dollar to bail him out of prison >get model job after prison >is marrying billionaire daughter >is cheating on billionaire with ex >billionaire forgives him >be him >beat a child almost to death >get in prison Ronline Look don't matter. If you wanna get somewhere in life you gotta work for it. Right guys? View Thread

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Anon drops a blackpill | /r/Greentext

No Teenage Love: You Have Missed Out On Life No Teenage Love: You Have Miss(...) 1.81 MB WEBM 10/13/22(Thu)12:02:02 No.70570204 >You have missed out on teenage love >You'll never be 15 and in love lying on the grass on a warm summer night, watching the stars, carelessly chatting not worrying about rent, bills, student loans only worry in life is how you're gonna cheat on that history test on Monday you'll never take a young, tight, hot-bodied girls virginity, CUMING deep inside her p---- missionary style, having her look in your eyes and say "I love you" you'll never have a girl around every day after school, pretend to be doing homework together, but instead just f--- like rabbits you're in your 20's now gotta get a good job gotta be a serious man now all the good ones are taken maybe a nice girl will eventually settle with you but they have already felt all those new exciting feelings before, and are usually jaded and bitter you can go try to win nobel prize or make millions of dollars but nothing will even come close to the real feeling of having sex with young super tight p---- being 24/7/365 carefree, no debt, no money problems, no jobs problems, no problems with you car just hanging out with friends, doing nothing at school, being eye-f-----, getting validation and sex going to summer night parties, driving around the city you have missed out on teenage love you have missed out on life. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v45F0YesdZM [Open] SAD BUT TRUE; (
No Teenage Love: You Have Missed Out On Life No Teenage Love: You Have Miss(...) 1.81 MB WEBM 10/13/22(Thu)12:02:02 No.70570204 >You have missed out on teenage love >You'll never be 15 and in love lying on the grass on a warm summer night, watching the stars, carelessly chatting not worrying about rent, bills, student loans only worry in life is how you're gonna cheat on that history test on Monday you'll never take a young, tight, hot-bodied girls virginity, CUMING deep inside her p---- missionary style, having her look in your eyes and say "I love you" you'll never have a girl around every day after school, pretend to be doing homework together, but instead just f--- like rabbits you're in your 20's now gotta get a good job gotta be a serious man now all the good ones are taken maybe a nice girl will eventually settle with you but they have already felt all those new exciting feelings before, and are usually jaded and bitter you can go try to win nobel prize or make millions of dollars but nothing will even come close to the real feeling of having sex with young super tight p---- being 24/7/365 carefree, no debt, no money problems, no jobs problems, no problems with you car just hanging out with friends, doing nothing at school, being eye-f-----, getting validation and sex going to summer night parties, driving around the city you have missed out on teenage love you have missed out on life. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v45F0YesdZM [Open] SAD BUT TRUE; (

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Anon brushes his teeth | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I SCIENCE 148 KB PNG 11/10/21(Wed)21:53:14 No.866448368 >WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T BRUSH TWICE A DAY? >YOU WILL BUY THE BRUSH >YOU WILL BUY THE MINTY SUGAR SAUCE >YOU WILL BUY THE MINTY SUGAR DRINK >YOU WILL BUY THE MINTY SUGAR STRING >YOU WILL RUB ALL THIS SUGAR ON YOUR TEETH TWICE A DAY >THEN ONCE A YEAR YOU WILL GO TO THE DENTIST WHO SAYS YOUR TEETH NEED TO BE REMOVED (YOU PAY) BECAUSE OF TOO MUCH SUGAR >WHY? SCIENCE SAYS INVISIBLE BUGS WILL EAT YOUR TEETH AWAY IF YOU DON'T >You WILL brush twice a day >You WILL floss once a day >You WILL visit your (((Dentist))) regularly >You WILL eat the approved diet >You WILL NOT smoke the unapproved plants >YOU WILL KEEP SMILING
: Anonymous I SCIENCE 148 KB PNG 11/10/21(Wed)21:53:14 No.866448368 >WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T BRUSH TWICE A DAY? >YOU WILL BUY THE BRUSH >YOU WILL BUY THE MINTY SUGAR SAUCE >YOU WILL BUY THE MINTY SUGAR DRINK >YOU WILL BUY THE MINTY SUGAR STRING >YOU WILL RUB ALL THIS SUGAR ON YOUR TEETH TWICE A DAY >THEN ONCE A YEAR YOU WILL GO TO THE DENTIST WHO SAYS YOUR TEETH NEED TO BE REMOVED (YOU PAY) BECAUSE OF TOO MUCH SUGAR >WHY? SCIENCE SAYS INVISIBLE BUGS WILL EAT YOUR TEETH AWAY IF YOU DON'T >You WILL brush twice a day >You WILL floss once a day >You WILL visit your (((Dentist))) regularly >You WILL eat the approved diet >You WILL NOT smoke the unapproved plants >YOU WILL KEEP SMILING

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Anon isn't a sheep | /r/Greentext

>Be me >Flat Earther >Friend works at NASA >Gives me a ticket to go to outer space >He said it'll change my views >Don'tbelievehim.png 65 KB JPG >Go to outer space >See that the Earth is round >wtfman.jpg >This can't be real >Realize NASA must have hacked my eyes
>Be me >Flat Earther >Friend works at NASA >Gives me a ticket to go to outer space >He said it'll change my views >Don'tbelievehim.png 65 KB JPG >Go to outer space >See that the Earth is round >wtfman.jpg >This can't be real >Realize NASA must have hacked my eyes

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Anon doesn’t want to go to therapy | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 3.99 MB GIF 10/12/22(Wed)21:54:24 No.70562905 My mother wants to throw me out or forcefully put me in a mental institution if I don't look for a job, go to therapy or do voluntary work.
Anonymous 3.99 MB GIF 10/12/22(Wed)21:54:24 No.70562905 My mother wants to throw me out or forcefully put me in a mental institution if I don't look for a job, go to therapy or do voluntary work.

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Anon didn't want to be there | /r/Greentext

File: Circa 2089.jpg (416 KB, 1076x711) Anonymous 10/13/22(Thu)02:53:43 No.55622325 ► >Be me >In the year 2089 >Was conscripted into the Neo-Confederate Army >Fought in every front of the war >from Operation Ultima Cena to the Battle of Nova Scotia >The 16th Fairbanks Armoured Division got decimated while pushing to Staten Island >Gothels Bridge was destroyed by partisans >The yanks fortied positions all along the expressway >Never secured Perth Amboy >Every single house along Graniteville became hard points >No air superiority >No logistics >No GPS >No escape >My platoon was ordered to push out of CSI and south towards Latourette Park >Secure the eastern flank of our breakout to the Outer Bridge >Begin panicking >Our tanks are s----- un-maintained US Army relics and lend leased castoffs >Park has no cover >Two regiments of New York Militia in that area >Calm down and load up >President Candace Owens giving a speech to the Confederacy >Turn off radio >Three hours later >Armoured platoon is ambushed while entering the park >Tanks being knocked out left and right >Sabot hits our left track >Knocked unconscious >Wake up >Driver is dead >Don't hear anything >Open hatch >Pure Silence >Everyone is gone >Sit >Turn on Radio >https://youtu.be/Jvv3NI--9jQ plays >Start crying >I didn't even want to be here
File: Circa 2089.jpg (416 KB, 1076x711) Anonymous 10/13/22(Thu)02:53:43 No.55622325 ► >Be me >In the year 2089 >Was conscripted into the Neo-Confederate Army >Fought in every front of the war >from Operation Ultima Cena to the Battle of Nova Scotia >The 16th Fairbanks Armoured Division got decimated while pushing to Staten Island >Gothels Bridge was destroyed by partisans >The yanks fortied positions all along the expressway >Never secured Perth Amboy >Every single house along Graniteville became hard points >No air superiority >No logistics >No GPS >No escape >My platoon was ordered to push out of CSI and south towards Latourette Park >Secure the eastern flank of our breakout to the Outer Bridge >Begin panicking >Our tanks are s----- un-maintained US Army relics and lend leased castoffs >Park has no cover >Two regiments of New York Militia in that area >Calm down and load up >President Candace Owens giving a speech to the Confederacy >Turn off radio >Three hours later >Armoured platoon is ambushed while entering the park >Tanks being knocked out left and right >Sabot hits our left track >Knocked unconscious >Wake up >Driver is dead >Don't hear anything >Open hatch >Pure Silence >Everyone is gone >Sit >Turn on Radio >https://youtu.be/Jvv3NI--9jQ plays >Start crying >I didn't even want to be here

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Anon is me? | /r/Greentext

File: QgjFMVy.pTJmkbnN-800x450-noPad[1].jpg (25 KB, 616x346) □ Anonymous 10/12/22 (Wed)22:13:28 No.70566540 [Reply] ► >tfw your life has been so s----- and uninteresting you're nostalgic of your teen nostalgia projecting yourself into a happy adult life with many positive happenings
File: QgjFMVy.pTJmkbnN-800x450-noPad[1].jpg (25 KB, 616x346) □ Anonymous 10/12/22 (Wed)22:13:28 No.70566540 [Reply] ► >tfw your life has been so s----- and uninteresting you're nostalgic of your teen nostalgia projecting yourself into a happy adult life with many positive happenings

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Grocery Store Anxiety Is A Real Thing | /r/Greentext

File: slagerij-hizmet-9-min.jpg (719 KB, 1920x1080) mumous (ID The Grocery Slop problem is out of hand Anonymous (ID: FICCBR3v 10/12/22 (Wed)22:43:53 No.399537026 [Reply] ► Everything on the shelves is poison. Absolutely packed with sodium, saturated fats, sugar, seed oils, hydrogenated oils and chemicals. The only way to win to is cook all of your meals from scratch. +88 replies and 14 images omitted. Click here to view. Anonymous (ID: 46/ndT3k) 10/12/22(Wed)23:33:47 No.399543675 >>399538139 I don't eat produce because I get anxiety when I try to open the little disposable produce bags at the grocery store and it's stuck together and I'm fumbling with it, feeling more anxious, getting worried people are staring, feeling so emasculated, that I just throw it back down and go buy a box of hot pockets instead. 10/12/23/Nadi22:23:10 No 200512690
File: slagerij-hizmet-9-min.jpg (719 KB, 1920x1080) mumous (ID The Grocery Slop problem is out of hand Anonymous (ID: FICCBR3v 10/12/22 (Wed)22:43:53 No.399537026 [Reply] ► Everything on the shelves is poison. Absolutely packed with sodium, saturated fats, sugar, seed oils, hydrogenated oils and chemicals. The only way to win to is cook all of your meals from scratch. +88 replies and 14 images omitted. Click here to view. Anonymous (ID: 46/ndT3k) 10/12/22(Wed)23:33:47 No.399543675 >>399538139 I don't eat produce because I get anxiety when I try to open the little disposable produce bags at the grocery store and it's stuck together and I'm fumbling with it, feeling more anxious, getting worried people are staring, feeling so emasculated, that I just throw it back down and go buy a box of hot pockets instead. 10/12/23/Nadi22:23:10 No 200512690

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anon doesn't like harry potter | /r/Greentext

File: hpvsloter.png (562 KB, 536x386) ORDRINGS ☐ LOTR and Harry potter Anonymous 10/12/22 (Wed)12:46:47 No.887187154 ► LOTR >chad wizards use staves (have big cocks) >millions of different races and all of the good ones are white >main villain is chad armored dude who deceived the race of men and controls the betas with his chad ring, turning said betas into chads >elf ladies are hot >menthor character dies fighting against a literal demon to save his party and comes back even chadder >main character is on the verge of death and loses an entire finger near the end of the story >author never added in representation through tweets for brownie points Harry Potter: >virgin loser wizards use wands (have microdicks) >only one race that is capable of using magic and has minorities in it >main villain is some virgin loser with no nose who murdered MC's parents >elves are f------ disgusting slaves >menthor gets hand gangrene and has to beg one of his most loyal teachers to kill him (doesnt even come back) >the only interesting thing that happens with the main character is getting some dumb barely visible scar >author tries add in representation through tweets for brownie points. learn the difference
File: hpvsloter.png (562 KB, 536x386) ORDRINGS ☐ LOTR and Harry potter Anonymous 10/12/22 (Wed)12:46:47 No.887187154 ► LOTR >chad wizards use staves (have big cocks) >millions of different races and all of the good ones are white >main villain is chad armored dude who deceived the race of men and controls the betas with his chad ring, turning said betas into chads >elf ladies are hot >menthor character dies fighting against a literal demon to save his party and comes back even chadder >main character is on the verge of death and loses an entire finger near the end of the story >author never added in representation through tweets for brownie points Harry Potter: >virgin loser wizards use wands (have microdicks) >only one race that is capable of using magic and has minorities in it >main villain is some virgin loser with no nose who murdered MC's parents >elves are f------ disgusting slaves >menthor gets hand gangrene and has to beg one of his most loyal teachers to kill him (doesnt even come back) >the only interesting thing that happens with the main character is getting some dumb barely visible scar >author tries add in representation through tweets for brownie points. learn the difference

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anon visits a lifting subreddit | /r/Greentext

>be me, redditor sort of into lifting >new sub recommendation comes up, r/funbodybuilding >seems ok, they mostly just post lifting memes and fails >there is a daily hot chick called a "daily test booster" >kinda cringy but funny i guess >I comment something generic like "nice ass" on the most recent one >immediately some guy starts asking me to describe what I would do to her, and starts rambling on about her "anhus" >when I don't reply right away he goes crazy and says I'm treating him like garbage >then some guy named pacjax says that "m-word" and "p-word" are morally wrong and basically I'm going hell for commenting on the pic >a bunch of other people also named pacjax start harrassing me >I post a normal squat form check video >gets downvoted to hell >r/funbodybuilding? more like r/notfunbodybuilding
>be me, redditor sort of into lifting >new sub recommendation comes up, r/funbodybuilding >seems ok, they mostly just post lifting memes and fails >there is a daily hot chick called a "daily test booster" >kinda cringy but funny i guess >I comment something generic like "nice ass" on the most recent one >immediately some guy starts asking me to describe what I would do to her, and starts rambling on about her "anhus" >when I don't reply right away he goes crazy and says I'm treating him like garbage >then some guy named pacjax says that "m-word" and "p-word" are morally wrong and basically I'm going hell for commenting on the pic >a bunch of other people also named pacjax start harrassing me >I post a normal squat form check video >gets downvoted to hell >r/funbodybuilding? more like r/notfunbodybuilding

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