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I'm sorry Jon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/29/21(Wed)12:10:37 No.65569144 >be me >try to peacefully listen to Bedrich Smetana in my apartment and do my university math assignment >other students in their shared flat next to me are shouting and having loud music again 376 KB JPG >it's 2am, why tf are they loud >decide to take action >write a note that they should shut the f--- up >in an sudden impulse grab my lasagna >pin the note on their handle >then smear the lasagna all over their door >get panic >run back to my flat >fuckforgottoknockbuticantgoback.gif >next day >they ask all neighbors who could have done this >no one knows >a few days later they're loud again >the next day while shopping i see the frozen lasagna >bought whole basket >neighbors are loud again >this time more confident do the lasagna thing again >for the next weeks, every time they are loud they find whole portion of half cooked lasagna smeared on their front door >but they just wont stop being annoying >need to up my game >get a ladder from the hardware store >when they're asleep get my ladder out of the room to the outsides of their windows >pin 99 notes i wrote beforehand on their window >"next time it's from the inside" >smear all their windows with lasagna >Next day >police knocks on my door >neighbors are trembling >they ask me if i've seen anything >neighbors move out the same day >flat empty ever since >tfw it's finally quite I f------ love lasagna
: Anonymous 09/29/21(Wed)12:10:37 No.65569144 >be me >try to peacefully listen to Bedrich Smetana in my apartment and do my university math assignment >other students in their shared flat next to me are shouting and having loud music again 376 KB JPG >it's 2am, why tf are they loud >decide to take action >write a note that they should shut the f--- up >in an sudden impulse grab my lasagna >pin the note on their handle >then smear the lasagna all over their door >get panic >run back to my flat >fuckforgottoknockbuticantgoback.gif >next day >they ask all neighbors who could have done this >no one knows >a few days later they're loud again >the next day while shopping i see the frozen lasagna >bought whole basket >neighbors are loud again >this time more confident do the lasagna thing again >for the next weeks, every time they are loud they find whole portion of half cooked lasagna smeared on their front door >but they just wont stop being annoying >need to up my game >get a ladder from the hardware store >when they're asleep get my ladder out of the room to the outsides of their windows >pin 99 notes i wrote beforehand on their window >"next time it's from the inside" >smear all their windows with lasagna >Next day >police knocks on my door >neighbors are trembling >they ask me if i've seen anything >neighbors move out the same day >flat empty ever since >tfw it's finally quite I f------ love lasagna

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Anon Isn't Bulletproof | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous UPDATE To Microdosing bullets (...) 09/29/21(Wed)13:21:08 No.50688658 An Update to my previous post. So After shooting myself in the leg with .22 pellets they were getting to point where most of them wouldn't break skin so I thought I was ready to try a .22 short round and I was very mistaken. The bullet lodged itself in the middle of my calf and I had to go to the hospital to get it surgically removed. Worst pain in my life it took them half an hour of cutting and digging around in there to get it out. The one nurse was a QT3.14 though so if I can get her number it might 474 KB JPG have been worth it. But I think I'm done with the whole shooting myself thing. It's going to be awhile before I can walk normally again and the painkillers they gave me don't work for s---. If any of you /k/ommandos feel bold enough though feel free to carry on in my place. : Anonymous 09/29/21(Wed)13:21:55 No.50688664 ОP 96 KB JPG
: Anonymous UPDATE To Microdosing bullets (...) 09/29/21(Wed)13:21:08 No.50688658 An Update to my previous post. So After shooting myself in the leg with .22 pellets they were getting to point where most of them wouldn't break skin so I thought I was ready to try a .22 short round and I was very mistaken. The bullet lodged itself in the middle of my calf and I had to go to the hospital to get it surgically removed. Worst pain in my life it took them half an hour of cutting and digging around in there to get it out. The one nurse was a QT3.14 though so if I can get her number it might 474 KB JPG have been worth it. But I think I'm done with the whole shooting myself thing. It's going to be awhile before I can walk normally again and the painkillers they gave me don't work for s---. If any of you /k/ommandos feel bold enough though feel free to carry on in my place. : Anonymous 09/29/21(Wed)13:21:55 No.50688664 ОP 96 KB JPG

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Anon has a strange encounter | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/21/18(Fri)07:25:03 No.780413205 >Be me >standing in line at the local grocery store >old man in front of me smells f------ awful >just do my millennial thing and just stare at my phone 94 KB JPG >He is getting a fuckton of groceries >mirin the cashier >8/10 girl with a fat ass >thinking about asking for her number >all of the sudden the guy grabs the counter hard >look up thinking he was having a stroke >his face becomes super red >the cashier asks "Sir are you okay?" >right as the question leaves her mouth it happens >the old man begins to violently s--- himself ofuckinggod.s--- >he is just rocking backing and forth s------- himself while grabbing the counter >you could see it hitting the back of his pants >the smell was god awful >the sound sounded like if you where to violently f--- one of those fart putty's >once he finishes we all just stand there in a frozen w-- state It's pooling on the ground >he just looks around like it's not a big deal "Hehe those TV dinners really don't settle well" And people wonder why I don't go outside much
: Anonymous 09/21/18(Fri)07:25:03 No.780413205 >Be me >standing in line at the local grocery store >old man in front of me smells f------ awful >just do my millennial thing and just stare at my phone 94 KB JPG >He is getting a fuckton of groceries >mirin the cashier >8/10 girl with a fat ass >thinking about asking for her number >all of the sudden the guy grabs the counter hard >look up thinking he was having a stroke >his face becomes super red >the cashier asks "Sir are you okay?" >right as the question leaves her mouth it happens >the old man begins to violently s--- himself ofuckinggod.s--- >he is just rocking backing and forth s------- himself while grabbing the counter >you could see it hitting the back of his pants >the smell was god awful >the sound sounded like if you where to violently f--- one of those fart putty's >once he finishes we all just stand there in a frozen w-- state It's pooling on the ground >he just looks around like it's not a big deal "Hehe those TV dinners really don't settle well" And people wonder why I don't go outside much

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The Promposal | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/29/21(Wed)00:21:28 No.864026162 >be me >be 19 >been out of high school for a year now >glad its over, school sucked ass >17 year old girl that I barely know calls me >asks me to take her to the prom 35 KB JPG >I laugh and say hell no >why the f--- would I pay money to go to school? >hang up on her Everybody is saying I'm a d--- now W--?
: Anonymous 09/29/21(Wed)00:21:28 No.864026162 >be me >be 19 >been out of high school for a year now >glad its over, school sucked ass >17 year old girl that I barely know calls me >asks me to take her to the prom 35 KB JPG >I laugh and say hell no >why the f--- would I pay money to go to school? >hang up on her Everybody is saying I'm a d--- now W--?

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Anon starts smoking | /r/Greentext

>Start nofap >Used to spend a lot of time watching p--- >Bored >Start smoking to fill the time >Outside to smoke and 8/10 qt bums a c-- 4 KB JPG >we talk. It feels normal >Happens a few more times >H-------- I can talk to women now >Ask qt out to a bar, we get drunk, go to her place, have sex. Smoke a c-------- after. >I smell like cigarettes and will probably get lung cancer and die, but l'm having sex >That beats dying a kissless virgin >Thanks nofap and thanks cigarettes
>Start nofap >Used to spend a lot of time watching p--- >Bored >Start smoking to fill the time >Outside to smoke and 8/10 qt bums a c-- 4 KB JPG >we talk. It feels normal >Happens a few more times >H-------- I can talk to women now >Ask qt out to a bar, we get drunk, go to her place, have sex. Smoke a c-------- after. >I smell like cigarettes and will probably get lung cancer and die, but l'm having sex >That beats dying a kissless virgin >Thanks nofap and thanks cigarettes

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Anon fights back. | /r/Greentext


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Rolling with my homeless | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/29/21(Wed)11:53:14 No.864043334 What the f--- is going on with homeless people in coastal cities? >be me, living in Seattle >walk to 7-11 to get some coffee CCantitn com p >homeless man in wheelchair waves cup in my face, asking for change 105 KB JPG >ignore him and get coffee >start walking back home and get stopped by walk sign being off >homeless man rolls up to my right and shakes his cup, looking at me with a p----- off expression >say "don't got any money on me, man" >he chants "liar liar LIAR" >say "I got this so I can stay awake to work my job, you rat" >he throws change at me while I walk across the street >tempted to tip his stupid wheelchair over >call the cops instead >they basically say "sorry, can't do anything about it and abruptly hang up" What the actual f---? So some jobless potato on wheels can throw quarters at me and s--- in the streets, but if I retaliate, I'm a s----- person and can be jailed? F--- homeless people and f--- coastal elite.
: Anonymous 09/29/21(Wed)11:53:14 No.864043334 What the f--- is going on with homeless people in coastal cities? >be me, living in Seattle >walk to 7-11 to get some coffee CCantitn com p >homeless man in wheelchair waves cup in my face, asking for change 105 KB JPG >ignore him and get coffee >start walking back home and get stopped by walk sign being off >homeless man rolls up to my right and shakes his cup, looking at me with a p----- off expression >say "don't got any money on me, man" >he chants "liar liar LIAR" >say "I got this so I can stay awake to work my job, you rat" >he throws change at me while I walk across the street >tempted to tip his stupid wheelchair over >call the cops instead >they basically say "sorry, can't do anything about it and abruptly hang up" What the actual f---? So some jobless potato on wheels can throw quarters at me and s--- in the streets, but if I retaliate, I'm a s----- person and can be jailed? F--- homeless people and f--- coastal elite.

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Power to the Players | /r/Greentext


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Anon feels an opportunity coming along | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/08/16(Sun)23:04:54 No.683368161 >be me >20 >walking around Brooklyn >new to the city >feel and opportunity come up >yell at the top of my lungs 6 KB JPG >BADDA BING > some fat guy in a greasy tank top yells from his apartment window >BADDA BOOM >mfw
Anonymous 05/08/16(Sun)23:04:54 No.683368161 >be me >20 >walking around Brooklyn >new to the city >feel and opportunity come up >yell at the top of my lungs 6 KB JPG >BADDA BING > some fat guy in a greasy tank top yells from his apartment window >BADDA BOOM >mfw

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In sheep's clothing | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/29/21(Wed)09:18:12 No.65567621 >Have a very substantial hate for owmen >Can hide it pretty well >Women IRL always tell me i'm a nice and friendly guy >These same women also claim 35 KB JPG that women have good intuition and can sense ulterior motives in guys I honestly dont understand women. It only makes me hate them more.
: Anonymous 09/29/21(Wed)09:18:12 No.65567621 >Have a very substantial hate for owmen >Can hide it pretty well >Women IRL always tell me i'm a nice and friendly guy >These same women also claim 35 KB JPG that women have good intuition and can sense ulterior motives in guys I honestly dont understand women. It only makes me hate them more.

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Anon is a wagie | /r/Greentext


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Why even live bros | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/26/21(Sun)02:24:14 No.10403787 >tfw will never get to be hololive egirl and play minecraft with Pekora why even live bros 7 KB JPG : Anonymous 09/26/21(Sun)02:25:27 No.10403836 why do you want to be exploited by that dumb rabbit >>10403942 # : Anonymous 09/26/21(Sun)02:28:56 No.10403942 >>10403836 # I would never fall for her simple minded traps
: Anonymous 09/26/21(Sun)02:24:14 No.10403787 >tfw will never get to be hololive egirl and play minecraft with Pekora why even live bros 7 KB JPG : Anonymous 09/26/21(Sun)02:25:27 No.10403836 why do you want to be exploited by that dumb rabbit >>10403942 # : Anonymous 09/26/21(Sun)02:28:56 No.10403942 >>10403836 # I would never fall for her simple minded traps

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Poop bad.jpg | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/28/21(Tue)20:39:06 No.864008810 1632542927293 (1).jpg| 135 KB JPG >poop bad
: Anonymous 09/28/21(Tue)20:39:06 No.864008810 1632542927293 (1).jpg| 135 KB JPG >poop bad

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Dont mess with the sandwich man | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/27/21(Fri)21:13:07 No.65157997 >>65156362 >live in a bad part of town >work at a grocery store >always give hobos the food the store wants to throw out 52 KB JPG >on cold days, I make a big jug of coffee and hand it out to them >no one ever asks me for cash because they know l'm broke >am known as the "sandwich man" because I usually make sandwiches for them >last year, got mugged walking back home >5 seconds after being confronted I hear "AYO GET AWAY FROM THE SANDWICH MAN!" >4 or 5 homeless guys run to me from half a block away yelling at the mugger to get away from me despite him having a knife >he ran off after they came and they chased after him >follow and there was like 10 of them gathered around and he was pinned to the ground >one called the police and they arrested the guy >was told "if anyone f---- with you sandwich man, we got your back" >mfw I basically have a street gang by giving away day old sandwich meat and bread I am told to throw in the trash
: Anonymous 08/27/21(Fri)21:13:07 No.65157997 >>65156362 >live in a bad part of town >work at a grocery store >always give hobos the food the store wants to throw out 52 KB JPG >on cold days, I make a big jug of coffee and hand it out to them >no one ever asks me for cash because they know l'm broke >am known as the "sandwich man" because I usually make sandwiches for them >last year, got mugged walking back home >5 seconds after being confronted I hear "AYO GET AWAY FROM THE SANDWICH MAN!" >4 or 5 homeless guys run to me from half a block away yelling at the mugger to get away from me despite him having a knife >he ran off after they came and they chased after him >follow and there was like 10 of them gathered around and he was pinned to the ground >one called the police and they arrested the guy >was told "if anyone f---- with you sandwich man, we got your back" >mfw I basically have a street gang by giving away day old sandwich meat and bread I am told to throw in the trash

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The Elixir of Life | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/27/21(Mon)22:11:53 No.65551549 >be me >leave cuck cave for irn bru >talk to indian shop man about the new netflix show squid game f------ amazing show u should watch it >on my way home fall over and my knee 283 KB PNG hits a rock >my weight lands on my knee and the bottle of irn bru i was holding >blood everywhere so go to hospital >3 and a half hour wait for a doctor (muh free healthcare) >12 stitches and the cut was around 3/5 of a centimetre deep >doctor says if i hadnt caught my fall on that irn bru bottle my kneecap would be f----- and my hand would probably had been in really bad shape >irn bru saved my leg thank u irn bru
: Anonymous 09/27/21(Mon)22:11:53 No.65551549 >be me >leave cuck cave for irn bru >talk to indian shop man about the new netflix show squid game f------ amazing show u should watch it >on my way home fall over and my knee 283 KB PNG hits a rock >my weight lands on my knee and the bottle of irn bru i was holding >blood everywhere so go to hospital >3 and a half hour wait for a doctor (muh free healthcare) >12 stitches and the cut was around 3/5 of a centimetre deep >doctor says if i hadnt caught my fall on that irn bru bottle my kneecap would be f----- and my hand would probably had been in really bad shape >irn bru saved my leg thank u irn bru

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One chance at life | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/28/21(Tue)16:47:48 No.863995547 >get one chance at life parents name me Dumpass 99 KB JPG View Thread
: Anonymous 09/28/21(Tue)16:47:48 No.863995547 >get one chance at life parents name me Dumpass 99 KB JPG View Thread

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