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Anon loses his virginity | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/14/21(Mon)16:15:17 No.856834954 >be me >late at night >uncle came into my room >later virgins 80 KB JPG View Thread
: Anonymous 06/14/21(Mon)16:15:17 No.856834954 >be me >late at night >uncle came into my room >later virgins 80 KB JPG View Thread

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Anon gets a new video game | /r/Greentext

What's your video game launch horror story? here's mine: >be me >b----- 9 KB JPG >November, 2014 >new Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare midnight launch at Gamestop >dad drives me there close to midnight >he has to get up to work at his b----- construction job at 3 AM >waiting in line >teenager walks up to me >"hey, kid, they accidentally gave me an extra copy. do you want it for $20?" >excited d------- tells him yes >my dad hands the guy $20 and we go back to his beat up truck >get home >excited >dad comes into living room, it's almost 1:30 AM and he's still gotta get up at 3 AM for his job >"a ver, mijo, el nuevo call of battlefield: advanced Medal of Honor 4" >turn on XBOX One >put the disc in >screen turns black as it loads >drums >rickrolled.jpeg >dad stares at the screen in disbelief as a 240p Rick astley dances on screen and he's only gonna get like half an hour of sleep >gets up and grabs me by the wrist >starts whooping my b----- ass while getting rickrolled at 2 AM >never get the actual game
What's your video game launch horror story? here's mine: >be me >b----- 9 KB JPG >November, 2014 >new Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare midnight launch at Gamestop >dad drives me there close to midnight >he has to get up to work at his b----- construction job at 3 AM >waiting in line >teenager walks up to me >"hey, kid, they accidentally gave me an extra copy. do you want it for $20?" >excited d------- tells him yes >my dad hands the guy $20 and we go back to his beat up truck >get home >excited >dad comes into living room, it's almost 1:30 AM and he's still gotta get up at 3 AM for his job >"a ver, mijo, el nuevo call of battlefield: advanced Medal of Honor 4" >turn on XBOX One >put the disc in >screen turns black as it loads >drums >rickrolled.jpeg >dad stares at the screen in disbelief as a 240p Rick astley dances on screen and he's only gonna get like half an hour of sleep >gets up and grabs me by the wrist >starts whooping my b----- ass while getting rickrolled at 2 AM >never get the actual game

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Anyways... | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/09/21(Wed)22:59:05 No.856449420 >be me >finna dating someone >got some issues >think about venting about them on 4chan and asking for advice >realize mid-greentext how f------ retarded that sounds 9 KB PNG 2 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 06/09/21(Wed)23:00:17 No.856449489 >>856449420 (OP)_# anyways... later virgins 6 KB JPG
: Anonymous 06/09/21(Wed)22:59:05 No.856449420 >be me >finna dating someone >got some issues >think about venting about them on 4chan and asking for advice >realize mid-greentext how f------ retarded that sounds 9 KB PNG 2 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 06/09/21(Wed)23:00:17 No.856449489 >>856449420 (OP)_# anyways... later virgins 6 KB JPG

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Anon leaks a Nintendo Direct | /r/Greentext

Nintendo E3 leak Nintendo >We see the iconic Nintendo Switch snap >Two white lines come across the screen >A new Smash character?????? >You can feel the pounding hearts of millions of manchildren around the world >Who will it be? Another Fire Emblem character perhaps? >No. Instead, Shigeru Miyamoto walks on screen with a smile on his face. He takes his pants off, bends over, and goatse's the camera. End of presentation.
Nintendo E3 leak Nintendo >We see the iconic Nintendo Switch snap >Two white lines come across the screen >A new Smash character?????? >You can feel the pounding hearts of millions of manchildren around the world >Who will it be? Another Fire Emblem character perhaps? >No. Instead, Shigeru Miyamoto walks on screen with a smile on his face. He takes his pants off, bends over, and goatse's the camera. End of presentation.

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Anon gets trolled | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/15/21(Tue)13:08:36 No.64158138 >be brain >chilling in some dude's head >he fell asleep wait check this out >AYO WE'RE FALLING BRO >jumpscare.exe >Imao go back to sleep dumbass 52 KB JPG
: Anonymous 06/15/21(Tue)13:08:36 No.64158138 >be brain >chilling in some dude's head >he fell asleep wait check this out >AYO WE'RE FALLING BRO >jumpscare.exe >Imao go back to sleep dumbass 52 KB JPG

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Anon becomes the victim | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/15/21(Tue)04:20:49 No.856877431 >be me >18 >work at a place with 90% women aged 35-50 >get flirted with aggressively and sexually harassed all the time >went to complain about it >got pretty much told to brush it off 32 KB JPG What do I do now? It's genuinely not fun at al 42 Replies / 5 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 06/15/21(Tue)04:20:49 No.856877431 >be me >18 >work at a place with 90% women aged 35-50 >get flirted with aggressively and sexually harassed all the time >went to complain about it >got pretty much told to brush it off 32 KB JPG What do I do now? It's genuinely not fun at al 42 Replies / 5 Images View Thread

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Anon can't take a hint | /r/Greentext

Anonymous EE 03/03/15(Tue)17:15:35 No.383353 >taking a piss at university >American student walks in >"Cold day, isn't it?" Why do Americans talk to strangers? Anonymous 03/03/15(Tue)17:16:24 No.3833 he was calling your d--- small Anonymous E 03/03/15(Tue)17:17:29 No.3833 File: 1387850227320.jpg (70 KB, 330x319) >>38335310 (OP) >Taking a piss >"Cold day isn't it" OP...
Anonymous EE 03/03/15(Tue)17:15:35 No.383353 >taking a piss at university >American student walks in >"Cold day, isn't it?" Why do Americans talk to strangers? Anonymous 03/03/15(Tue)17:16:24 No.3833 he was calling your d--- small Anonymous E 03/03/15(Tue)17:17:29 No.3833 File: 1387850227320.jpg (70 KB, 330x319) >>38335310 (OP) >Taking a piss >"Cold day isn't it" OP...

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Anon has a co-worker | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/15/21(Tue)01:20:58 No.856817975 >be me >fart connoisseur >literally addicted to women's gas >work with 8/10 qt3.14, blonde, tiddies, slim waist with decently fat butt >notice she eats absolute trash all day >burritos, burgers, lots of fried food 15 KB JPG >have a unisex staff toilet and walked in there after her once >she saw me walking in and put her head straight down and bailed out of there fast >the stink that hit my face brought me to immediate attention >forgot about pissing and slung some fat ropes inhaling the scent >am shift supervisor so always keep her on the counter serving customers >begin to learn her fart schedule, whenever she's alone she will let one rip >l know because I leave her alone for a minute or so then come back in and pretend I don't notice the smell >l've started offering to buy her lunch if she goes down the street and gets mine as well >always extra spicy beef chilli >he butthole literally reeks for hours afterwards >yesterday I walked behind the counter and smelled the jewels so I made like I was reaching under the till for something >inhaled a little too deeply and let out a short moan afterwards >she looked straight down at me and instantly knew what was going on >just before closing time it was just us left and she called me into the counter area and audibly farted Mfw
: Anonymous 06/15/21(Tue)01:20:58 No.856817975 >be me >fart connoisseur >literally addicted to women's gas >work with 8/10 qt3.14, blonde, tiddies, slim waist with decently fat butt >notice she eats absolute trash all day >burritos, burgers, lots of fried food 15 KB JPG >have a unisex staff toilet and walked in there after her once >she saw me walking in and put her head straight down and bailed out of there fast >the stink that hit my face brought me to immediate attention >forgot about pissing and slung some fat ropes inhaling the scent >am shift supervisor so always keep her on the counter serving customers >begin to learn her fart schedule, whenever she's alone she will let one rip >l know because I leave her alone for a minute or so then come back in and pretend I don't notice the smell >l've started offering to buy her lunch if she goes down the street and gets mine as well >always extra spicy beef chilli >he butthole literally reeks for hours afterwards >yesterday I walked behind the counter and smelled the jewels so I made like I was reaching under the till for something >inhaled a little too deeply and let out a short moan afterwards >she looked straight down at me and instantly knew what was going on >just before closing time it was just us left and she called me into the counter area and audibly farted Mfw

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Anon uses tools | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/14/21(Mon)16:11:36 No.856834759 >be me >ruralfag in b------- nowhere, usa >not been to town in a few weeks >isolation because neighbour had rona >last can of food in the house. baked beans 23 KB JPG >go to kitchen, get beans >tfw no can opener >idea.jpg >go to shed, find tools >only sharp tool is pickaxe >back to kitchen >place beans on counter >line up pickaxe >hit beans >ohshit.png >beans all over the counter and on the floor >mfw I spilled the beans
: Anonymous 06/14/21(Mon)16:11:36 No.856834759 >be me >ruralfag in b------- nowhere, usa >not been to town in a few weeks >isolation because neighbour had rona >last can of food in the house. baked beans 23 KB JPG >go to kitchen, get beans >tfw no can opener >idea.jpg >go to shed, find tools >only sharp tool is pickaxe >back to kitchen >place beans on counter >line up pickaxe >hit beans >ohshit.png >beans all over the counter and on the floor >mfw I spilled the beans

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Anon gets a Chromebook | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/15/21(Tue)09:10:21 No.64153920 Screenshot_20210525-101621.png 1.36 MB PNG >be Chromebook user >doesn't wanna learn how to use windows, Mac or Linux >retarded enough to think that a good computer can be bought with $200 >"oh but it does so much stuff!" >literally does the same s--- as another computer can do if you're signed in to Gmail >"Virus protection" means you can't download s--- other than play store >6 second boot time turns to 2 hours >advertises that it can play games, just s----- pay to win games >can't run any professional software at all >Still in denial as chrome takes 3 minutes to load >need to be online to use advertised selling point features >tries justifying removal of the caps lock key then jumps through arduous loops to enable caps lock for the search key which is the windows key >offers bottom line specs for the price of a low end computer that does the same s--- >Literally doesn't have enough processing power to run a zoom meeting and open another tab >Majority of clients are s----- public schools that don't care about the kids Chromebook users are f------ retarded.
: Anonymous 06/15/21(Tue)09:10:21 No.64153920 Screenshot_20210525-101621.png 1.36 MB PNG >be Chromebook user >doesn't wanna learn how to use windows, Mac or Linux >retarded enough to think that a good computer can be bought with $200 >"oh but it does so much stuff!" >literally does the same s--- as another computer can do if you're signed in to Gmail >"Virus protection" means you can't download s--- other than play store >6 second boot time turns to 2 hours >advertises that it can play games, just s----- pay to win games >can't run any professional software at all >Still in denial as chrome takes 3 minutes to load >need to be online to use advertised selling point features >tries justifying removal of the caps lock key then jumps through arduous loops to enable caps lock for the search key which is the windows key >offers bottom line specs for the price of a low end computer that does the same s--- >Literally doesn't have enough processing power to run a zoom meeting and open another tab >Majority of clients are s----- public schools that don't care about the kids Chromebook users are f------ retarded.

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Anon stays a virgin | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/14/21(Mon)08:27:03 No.856809936 >be me >never fapped in my life >that means i did the nofap challenge my whole life >later Coomers 123 KB JPG 2 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 06/14/21(Mon)08:27:03 No.856809936 >be me >never fapped in my life >that means i did the nofap challenge my whole life >later Coomers 123 KB JPG 2 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon looks deformed | /r/Greentext

! Anonymous 09/20/20(Sun)20:32:51 No.57532039 Anonymous 09/20/20(Sun)20:47:30 No.57532286 >>57532168 # >>57532195 # Put me in the fuggin screencap OVERSOOO keks 24 KB JPG E Anonymous 09/20/20(Sun)20:47:32 No.57532287 6 KB JPG : Anonymous 09/20/20(Sun)20:39:38 No.57532159 >>57532039 (OP) # You think getting swole will help you get the Chaos Emeralds huh? 2,72 MB PNG »57532191 u p57532195 # 2257532317 >»57532855 I Anonymous 09/20/20(Sun)20:54:06 No.57532402 46D4C3D1-D277-4431-AF7B-BD5C3E3951E6.jpg 1600598706630.jpg 165 KB JPG 153 KB JPG >>57532168 # Someone edit this and tint his skin green. PLEASE >>57532055 # Give me a routine to fix this s---. >>57532191 # >>57532195 # 2257532214 # >>57532221 # : Anonymous 09/20/20(Sun)20:33:45 No.57532055 25 KB JPG >>57532235 # >>57532265 # >>57532286 # >>57532317 # mike??? mike wazowski is that you??? : Anonymous 09/20/20(Sun)20:54:06 No.57532403 >>57532402 # >>57532439 # >>57532495 # >>57532644 # : Anonymous 09/20/20(Sun)21:14:52 No.57532740 >>57532168 # 2a57532191 # >57532855 # >>57532039 (OP) # >hands down to knees >n------ halfway down torso What actually are you OP? >>57532039 (OP) # Get your arms and legs ripped and train yourself to sprint on all fours : Anonymous 09/20/20(Sun)20:55:07 No.57532420 >>57532039 (OP) # no amount of lifting will cure your cursed genetics. your only hope at getting any romance at all in your clown life is to find a blind gf Anonymous 09/20/20(Sun)20:45:53 No.57532265 >>57532761 # >>57532195 # >>57532168 # : Anonymous 09/20/20(Sun)21:16:25 No.57532761 598 KB JPG >>57532740 # 11 KB JPG The only helpful advice in this thread 2>57532456 # 2257533029 # I Anonymous 09/20/20(Sun)20:41:37 No.5753219 Anonymous 09/20/20(Sun)20:57:11 No.5753245 >>57532055 # >>57532069 # >>57532071 # >>57532089 # >>57532129 # : Anonymous 09/20/20(Sun)20:55:08 No.57532421 >>57532039 (OP) # >>57532420 # Built for BBC Blind gf with no arms >if she put her hands on it, >>57532135 # >>57532159 # >>57532168 # F--- you guys im just going to rope >>57532855 imagine the shock and disgust >any girl with arms would mog this creature to death EZ : Anonymous 09/20/20(Sun)20:56:27 No.57532439 295 KB JPG >>57532168 # 2257532211 # >»57532231 2257532256 # >57532272 : Anonymous 09/20/20(Sun)21:04:26 No.57532581 >>57532558 # | Anonymous 09/20/20(Sun)20:41:48 No.57532195 >Square body >hands down to knees >>57532159 # >>57532166 # >>57532168 # >>57532129 # >n------ half way down body >pot belly Is this photoshopped? If not then rope yourself and then the only other people who will laugh at your body will be the pathologists doing your autopsy ! Anonymous 09/20/20(Sun)21:54:39 No.57533329 >>57532168 # guys he'd look f------ awesome if he was jacked, like a weird ass dbz character 157 KB JPG НАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАН АНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНА : Anonymous 09/20/20(Sun)21:02:53 No.57532558 НАНАНАНАНАНАНАН АНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНА НАНАНАНАНАНАНАН TOp >>57532191 # neck pulls are an excellent idea. You could really use some neck gains kekquita НАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАН АНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНА НАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАН АНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНА НАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАН >>57532589 # AHAHAHAHA
! Anonymous 09/20/20(Sun)20:32:51 No.57532039 Anonymous 09/20/20(Sun)20:47:30 No.57532286 >>57532168 # >>57532195 # Put me in the fuggin screencap OVERSOOO keks 24 KB JPG E Anonymous 09/20/20(Sun)20:47:32 No.57532287 6 KB JPG : Anonymous 09/20/20(Sun)20:39:38 No.57532159 >>57532039 (OP) # You think getting swole will help you get the Chaos Emeralds huh? 2,72 MB PNG »57532191 u p57532195 # 2257532317 >»57532855 I Anonymous 09/20/20(Sun)20:54:06 No.57532402 46D4C3D1-D277-4431-AF7B-BD5C3E3951E6.jpg 1600598706630.jpg 165 KB JPG 153 KB JPG >>57532168 # Someone edit this and tint his skin green. PLEASE >>57532055 # Give me a routine to fix this s---. >>57532191 # >>57532195 # 2257532214 # >>57532221 # : Anonymous 09/20/20(Sun)20:33:45 No.57532055 25 KB JPG >>57532235 # >>57532265 # >>57532286 # >>57532317 # mike??? mike wazowski is that you??? : Anonymous 09/20/20(Sun)20:54:06 No.57532403 >>57532402 # >>57532439 # >>57532495 # >>57532644 # : Anonymous 09/20/20(Sun)21:14:52 No.57532740 >>57532168 # 2a57532191 # >57532855 # >>57532039 (OP) # >hands down to knees >n------ halfway down torso What actually are you OP? >>57532039 (OP) # Get your arms and legs ripped and train yourself to sprint on all fours : Anonymous 09/20/20(Sun)20:55:07 No.57532420 >>57532039 (OP) # no amount of lifting will cure your cursed genetics. your only hope at getting any romance at all in your clown life is to find a blind gf Anonymous 09/20/20(Sun)20:45:53 No.57532265 >>57532761 # >>57532195 # >>57532168 # : Anonymous 09/20/20(Sun)21:16:25 No.57532761 598 KB JPG >>57532740 # 11 KB JPG The only helpful advice in this thread 2>57532456 # 2257533029 # I Anonymous 09/20/20(Sun)20:41:37 No.5753219 Anonymous 09/20/20(Sun)20:57:11 No.5753245 >>57532055 # >>57532069 # >>57532071 # >>57532089 # >>57532129 # : Anonymous 09/20/20(Sun)20:55:08 No.57532421 >>57532039 (OP) # >>57532420 # Built for BBC Blind gf with no arms >if she put her hands on it, >>57532135 # >>57532159 # >>57532168 # F--- you guys im just going to rope >>57532855 imagine the shock and disgust >any girl with arms would mog this creature to death EZ : Anonymous 09/20/20(Sun)20:56:27 No.57532439 295 KB JPG >>57532168 # 2257532211 # >»57532231 2257532256 # >57532272 : Anonymous 09/20/20(Sun)21:04:26 No.57532581 >>57532558 # | Anonymous 09/20/20(Sun)20:41:48 No.57532195 >Square body >hands down to knees >>57532159 # >>57532166 # >>57532168 # >>57532129 # >n------ half way down body >pot belly Is this photoshopped? If not then rope yourself and then the only other people who will laugh at your body will be the pathologists doing your autopsy ! Anonymous 09/20/20(Sun)21:54:39 No.57533329 >>57532168 # guys he'd look f------ awesome if he was jacked, like a weird ass dbz character 157 KB JPG НАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАН АНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНА : Anonymous 09/20/20(Sun)21:02:53 No.57532558 НАНАНАНАНАНАНАН АНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНА НАНАНАНАНАНАНАН TOp >>57532191 # neck pulls are an excellent idea. You could really use some neck gains kekquita НАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАН АНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНА НАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАН АНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНА НАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАНАН >>57532589 # AHAHAHAHA

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Anon sniping a fly | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/14/21(Mon)19:28:02 No.856821809 >be me >having a piss >fly come near me >brilliant idea >after 10 seconds of trying, piss on it mid-air 16 KB JPG >piss everywhere on walls come to think of it, never seen a fly when it's raining
: Anonymous 06/14/21(Mon)19:28:02 No.856821809 >be me >having a piss >fly come near me >brilliant idea >after 10 seconds of trying, piss on it mid-air 16 KB JPG >piss everywhere on walls come to think of it, never seen a fly when it's raining

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Anon tries to get laid | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/09/21(Tue)10:03:19 No.849174362 >step mom moving stuff in the house >shelf falls over and traps her arm >she yells for my help >"anon, please, help me. I'm stuck." 420 KB JPG >l know exactly where this is going >whip my d--- out >she yells what the f--- >my dad walks in >flips out >they call the cops, I get arested W-- BangBros, you lied to me
: Anonymous 03/09/21(Tue)10:03:19 No.849174362 >step mom moving stuff in the house >shelf falls over and traps her arm >she yells for my help >"anon, please, help me. I'm stuck." 420 KB JPG >l know exactly where this is going >whip my d--- out >she yells what the f--- >my dad walks in >flips out >they call the cops, I get arested W-- BangBros, you lied to me

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Anon is sus | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/15/21(Tue)00:09:13 No.856846308 >Be me >14 yo >In Boy Scouts >At the Elks >Doing flag ceremony >Hears "among us" >Laughs >Happens during 911 part of speech 84 KB PNG >F---
: Anonymous 06/15/21(Tue)00:09:13 No.856846308 >Be me >14 yo >In Boy Scouts >At the Elks >Doing flag ceremony >Hears "among us" >Laughs >Happens during 911 part of speech 84 KB PNG >F---

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Anon gets suspicious | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/14/21 (Mon)11:07:48 No.856817236 >me, 20, F, dating my bf for 2 yrs >one day i try to use his phone to google something >he gets super nervous and takes the phone away from me 75 KB JPG >at first i think hes messing with me but as i try to get the phone back he becomes increasingly more angry and flustered >i get suspicious and ask him to show me his texts and search history >he shows me his texts but refuses to let me see his search history >i assume hes been on dating apps which he denies but he stil wont tell me what hes hiding >we scream at one another for hours >at one point he leaves the fight to drink a diet coke, i take the cup, and throw it at him >im completely convinced hes been cheating and break up with him >bf breaks down and starts hysterically crying >"ok, i fess up ill tell you what was on my phone" >it was trap p--- 21 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 06/14/21 (Mon)11:07:48 No.856817236 >me, 20, F, dating my bf for 2 yrs >one day i try to use his phone to google something >he gets super nervous and takes the phone away from me 75 KB JPG >at first i think hes messing with me but as i try to get the phone back he becomes increasingly more angry and flustered >i get suspicious and ask him to show me his texts and search history >he shows me his texts but refuses to let me see his search history >i assume hes been on dating apps which he denies but he stil wont tell me what hes hiding >we scream at one another for hours >at one point he leaves the fight to drink a diet coke, i take the cup, and throw it at him >im completely convinced hes been cheating and break up with him >bf breaks down and starts hysterically crying >"ok, i fess up ill tell you what was on my phone" >it was trap p--- 21 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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