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Anon daydreams about high school again | /r/Greentext

>be me >last day at school >decide to do some dumb s--- >class and teachers stand outside for a group picture >I am in the classroom directly above them >idea.jpg >fill up trashcan with water >dump all of it out the windows onto the teachers >The force of the water takes the top and the skirt of one of the female teachers down >mfw I f------ stripped a teacher naked and everyone saw it, she basically only had her panties left on >Adrenaline rush I f------ bail >They wouldnt catch me if some of the f------ snitches girls who saw me didnt say anything >becoming a legend in the eyes of the boys, get in trouble with everyone else >Thankfully I already had my graduation papers >Cringe every time I remember that s---
>be me >last day at school >decide to do some dumb s--- >class and teachers stand outside for a group picture >I am in the classroom directly above them >idea.jpg >fill up trashcan with water >dump all of it out the windows onto the teachers >The force of the water takes the top and the skirt of one of the female teachers down >mfw I f------ stripped a teacher naked and everyone saw it, she basically only had her panties left on >Adrenaline rush I f------ bail >They wouldnt catch me if some of the f------ snitches girls who saw me didnt say anything >becoming a legend in the eyes of the boys, get in trouble with everyone else >Thankfully I already had my graduation papers >Cringe every time I remember that s---

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Man fuck that guy | /r/Greentext

131 KB PNG >be me >in science class >class is getting off track because it's the end of the day >somehow in the middle of the conversation this one girl absolutely roasts the s--- out of me >I'm embarrassed and try to just be cool until the conversation moves on >teacher looks at me and goes "you can tell he's trying to think of a comeback" >I say I'm not but the teacher has the whole class be silent and stare at me expecting a comeback >I spit out something and everyone pity claps I still remember this years later. Mr. Jenkins if you're reading this, f--- you.
131 KB PNG >be me >in science class >class is getting off track because it's the end of the day >somehow in the middle of the conversation this one girl absolutely roasts the s--- out of me >I'm embarrassed and try to just be cool until the conversation moves on >teacher looks at me and goes "you can tell he's trying to think of a comeback" >I say I'm not but the teacher has the whole class be silent and stare at me expecting a comeback >I spit out something and everyone pity claps I still remember this years later. Mr. Jenkins if you're reading this, f--- you.

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Many such cases | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Picky eaters 37 KB JPG 11/08/22(Tue)10:26:18 No. 18554988 >Oh, I can't eat that. I've got Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder. Really? Does that mean you can only eat a select few foods? >Yes, that's right! Everyone with ARFID has their own "safe foods"! Trust me bro, it's completely different from being a picky eater! Interesting. What are your "safe foods" then? >Chicken nuggets, cheese pizza, fries, and choccy milk! Uh huh.
Anonymous Picky eaters 37 KB JPG 11/08/22(Tue)10:26:18 No. 18554988 >Oh, I can't eat that. I've got Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder. Really? Does that mean you can only eat a select few foods? >Yes, that's right! Everyone with ARFID has their own "safe foods"! Trust me bro, it's completely different from being a picky eater! Interesting. What are your "safe foods" then? >Chicken nuggets, cheese pizza, fries, and choccy milk! Uh huh.

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Anon warns his friend | /r/Greentext

19 KB JPG >be me >Tuesday at school >it's 5th period and I'm bored as s--- >turn to my friend and say "don't come to school on may 2nd lol >next day I get called into the guidance counselors office >start talking about how they think I'm dangerous and that I'm gonna shoot up the school >mfw May 2nd is a f------ sunday
19 KB JPG >be me >Tuesday at school >it's 5th period and I'm bored as s--- >turn to my friend and say "don't come to school on may 2nd lol >next day I get called into the guidance counselors office >start talking about how they think I'm dangerous and that I'm gonna shoot up the school >mfw May 2nd is a f------ sunday

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Grass is greener | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Having a girl in your life SUC(.. 249 KB PNG 03/08/24(Fri)11:00:40 No.19756364 >have to take her out regularly >have to gas her up and tell her constantly she's beautiful and amazing >have to remember every gay holiday/anniversary/trivial date about her life/random encounter from 2 years ago >have to deal with her emotional garbage >have to watch terrible tv and movies >have to buy expensive stuff like stanley cups and name brand tampons/make-up/cookware/you name it because normal stuff just isn't good enough >every time she's wrong (she always is because she's a girl), you have to spend 2 hours explaining to her she's wrong >have to guess what she's feeling and what's wrong (there's never a reason) >have to watch stupid tiktoks and retarded youtube videos she sends or she'll get upset you don't care about her interests >get shot down for sex >get in dumb arguments constantly because the cashier called you "honey" >have to answer every text in timely manner >can't miss a single call >have to buy everything >lost all my counter space, goofy s--- all over my walls and my space >nothing you do is ever good enough, you are always the bad guy in her mind until you explain to her she's being insane >all you get in return in p----... sometimes >have to work an ACTUAL job with real responsibilities on top of everything >still have to help with household b------- in addition to that bros i cant do it anymore. it's only been over a year and im slowly dying and eroding to nothing. all of my friends who are engaged or married are telling me to save myself and run and i'm starting to understand it. i feel like im raising a child. i just wake up sad. i dont want to do this for the rest of my life
: Anonymous Having a girl in your life SUC(.. 249 KB PNG 03/08/24(Fri)11:00:40 No.19756364 >have to take her out regularly >have to gas her up and tell her constantly she's beautiful and amazing >have to remember every gay holiday/anniversary/trivial date about her life/random encounter from 2 years ago >have to deal with her emotional garbage >have to watch terrible tv and movies >have to buy expensive stuff like stanley cups and name brand tampons/make-up/cookware/you name it because normal stuff just isn't good enough >every time she's wrong (she always is because she's a girl), you have to spend 2 hours explaining to her she's wrong >have to guess what she's feeling and what's wrong (there's never a reason) >have to watch stupid tiktoks and retarded youtube videos she sends or she'll get upset you don't care about her interests >get shot down for sex >get in dumb arguments constantly because the cashier called you "honey" >have to answer every text in timely manner >can't miss a single call >have to buy everything >lost all my counter space, goofy s--- all over my walls and my space >nothing you do is ever good enough, you are always the bad guy in her mind until you explain to her she's being insane >all you get in return in p----... sometimes >have to work an ACTUAL job with real responsibilities on top of everything >still have to help with household b------- in addition to that bros i cant do it anymore. it's only been over a year and im slowly dying and eroding to nothing. all of my friends who are engaged or married are telling me to save myself and run and i'm starting to understand it. i feel like im raising a child. i just wake up sad. i dont want to do this for the rest of my life

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Anon on the Fallout Tv show | /r/Greentext

1/7 ZQNIUQS4 (OP) AT 4h (3/8 7:23). 461085758 258 Re - 55 Img PNG 2MB (1024 × 1024) · Fallout.png 54 Replies Fallout >woman lead >r →in power armour >only remotely white person portrayed as a zombie On a scale of 1-10, how much is it going to suck? 1/1 z8Aw+wyT RO · | 4h (3/8 7:26). 461085948 1 Reply >>461085758 (OP) 1 is it even a question at this point? 1/1 5cj5a9tj. PR . 4h (3/8 7:28) 461086081 36 Replies >>461085758 (OP) >brotherhood of steal
1/7 ZQNIUQS4 (OP) AT 4h (3/8 7:23). 461085758 258 Re - 55 Img PNG 2MB (1024 × 1024) · Fallout.png 54 Replies Fallout >woman lead >r →in power armour >only remotely white person portrayed as a zombie On a scale of 1-10, how much is it going to suck? 1/1 z8Aw+wyT RO · | 4h (3/8 7:26). 461085948 1 Reply >>461085758 (OP) 1 is it even a question at this point? 1/1 5cj5a9tj. PR . 4h (3/8 7:28) 461086081 36 Replies >>461085758 (OP) >brotherhood of steal

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Svenska Anon | /r/Greentext

81 KB JPG and to loiter >Be Svenska >Car to Soup Trader >Find to island with world crispy >No Cornfed goose honey for milk and sleepn't >Saddens >Horse island scrubber for goose honey for milk and sleepn't >Personal say he will look in ass >Personal never comes back >Me confuses >March To ass >Personal is hidden >Jog the store and be sad region : Anonymous 03/08/24(Fri)23:01:30 No.915053497 wasted as f--- and didn't laugh or even giggle. you aren't funny retard
81 KB JPG and to loiter >Be Svenska >Car to Soup Trader >Find to island with world crispy >No Cornfed goose honey for milk and sleepn't >Saddens >Horse island scrubber for goose honey for milk and sleepn't >Personal say he will look in ass >Personal never comes back >Me confuses >March To ass >Personal is hidden >Jog the store and be sad region : Anonymous 03/08/24(Fri)23:01:30 No.915053497 wasted as f--- and didn't laugh or even giggle. you aren't funny retard

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Anon reminisces | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 38 KB PNG 03/08/24(Fri)01:35:40 No.263837355 >ever since i was 7 i had some involvement with Toriyama >Played dragon quest games when i was a moronic child >When i became a teen i started getting into dragon ball >Entire life trajectory changed with battle of gods and super >Have themed my entire online persona around dragon ball z, super, and gt >Turned 24 a few months ago and spent the whole day watching the cell saga finale and eating junk food >Just a week ago, when he died, i was playing modded XV2 and making s----- what if fanfics with friends F------ hell this hurt me to no end, bros how the f--- do i cope with this He's literally been a guiding figure with s--- i like, to the point i love to speculate on every little minute detail of his masterwork story
Anonymous 38 KB PNG 03/08/24(Fri)01:35:40 No.263837355 >ever since i was 7 i had some involvement with Toriyama >Played dragon quest games when i was a moronic child >When i became a teen i started getting into dragon ball >Entire life trajectory changed with battle of gods and super >Have themed my entire online persona around dragon ball z, super, and gt >Turned 24 a few months ago and spent the whole day watching the cell saga finale and eating junk food >Just a week ago, when he died, i was playing modded XV2 and making s----- what if fanfics with friends F------ hell this hurt me to no end, bros how the f--- do i cope with this He's literally been a guiding figure with s--- i like, to the point i love to speculate on every little minute detail of his masterwork story

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Anon tries a new approach to IT Security | /r/Greentext

program Got a formal warning at work just for being good at my job. F--- these guys. >be me work in IT Security for big company >currently working on IT security awareness >we send fake emails to our staff to see if they click on links >link goes to IT security page telling staff to be more careful >staff becoming smarter, only 15% failing tests >boss gets angry and asks me to improve program >"isnt it a good thing our staff are identifying the scams?" >"no anon, the scammers adapt so we should too" >brainwave.exe >use admin rights to get staff next of kin names from HR database >make fake emails from local hospital using their logo and real name of doctor >"Dear Mr/Mrs Staff, your relative <name> has been in a serious accident and is about to be taken to surgery" >"please click on this link to open to our secure video portal" >100% success rate!!!! all our staff click on the link >IT starts receiving calls, distraught people shouting at us >numerous complaints presented to senior management >Boss gives me formal reprimand >removed from IT Security program
program Got a formal warning at work just for being good at my job. F--- these guys. >be me work in IT Security for big company >currently working on IT security awareness >we send fake emails to our staff to see if they click on links >link goes to IT security page telling staff to be more careful >staff becoming smarter, only 15% failing tests >boss gets angry and asks me to improve program >"isnt it a good thing our staff are identifying the scams?" >"no anon, the scammers adapt so we should too" >brainwave.exe >use admin rights to get staff next of kin names from HR database >make fake emails from local hospital using their logo and real name of doctor >"Dear Mr/Mrs Staff, your relative <name> has been in a serious accident and is about to be taken to surgery" >"please click on this link to open to our secure video portal" >100% success rate!!!! all our staff click on the link >IT starts receiving calls, distraught people shouting at us >numerous complaints presented to senior management >Boss gives me formal reprimand >removed from IT Security program

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Anon gets a female coworker | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: Pq5aKS9D) M >>460658885 (OP) # 03/04/24(Mon) 17:44:37 No.460667117 Most of them are useless. Driving s---, yeah, they're alright. Though any brain-dead retard can drive a rock truck. It's usually a requirement. >Be me, leadhand >Work in ironwork >S----- prefab plant, structural concrete. >Pays s---, labours backbreaking >Plant hires 4'11 90lb woman >Sticks her on my crew >Engagelawsuitseeker.exe >Can't pull cable, can't haul rebar. >Can't even move end plates. >Steel ties looser than vag. >Why lord? Why? >Relegated to sweeping/scraping. >Morale booster watching her t--- bounce. >Comps out after she hurts herself picking up something. >Thank god. >Plant hires jeet next that's even weaker. >Fml.
Anonymous (ID: Pq5aKS9D) M >>460658885 (OP) # 03/04/24(Mon) 17:44:37 No.460667117 Most of them are useless. Driving s---, yeah, they're alright. Though any brain-dead retard can drive a rock truck. It's usually a requirement. >Be me, leadhand >Work in ironwork >S----- prefab plant, structural concrete. >Pays s---, labours backbreaking >Plant hires 4'11 90lb woman >Sticks her on my crew >Engagelawsuitseeker.exe >Can't pull cable, can't haul rebar. >Can't even move end plates. >Steel ties looser than vag. >Why lord? Why? >Relegated to sweeping/scraping. >Morale booster watching her t--- bounce. >Comps out after she hurts herself picking up something. >Thank god. >Plant hires jeet next that's even weaker. >Fml.

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Why are they like this | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/08/24(Fri)16:44:51 No.194610382 20sino-materialism-tmagArticle[1].jpg 62 KB JPG >Try to turn an entire culture communist >They become the most materialistic culture on earth Someone explain
: Anonymous 03/08/24(Fri)16:44:51 No.194610382 20sino-materialism-tmagArticle[1].jpg 62 KB JPG >Try to turn an entire culture communist >They become the most materialistic culture on earth Someone explain

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Anon goes to a bar. | /r/Greentext

96 KB JPG >have commercial pilot friend >going out to a bar together, he's driving >both get in the car, he starts it up >"hey it's pretty cold out tonight, maybe you should grab a jacket" >he goes back inside to get a coat >quickly pair my phone to his car's bluetooth >he comes back, starts driving >pull up a YouTube video of the terrain warning alarm >Terrain! Terrain! *whoop whoop* Pull up! Pull up! starts blasting from the car stereo >he instinctively yanks back on the steering wheel >swerves off the road a little, hits someone's trash bin >pulls over, kicks me out of his car, and tells me he's never driving me anywhere again Lol worth it though
96 KB JPG >have commercial pilot friend >going out to a bar together, he's driving >both get in the car, he starts it up >"hey it's pretty cold out tonight, maybe you should grab a jacket" >he goes back inside to get a coat >quickly pair my phone to his car's bluetooth >he comes back, starts driving >pull up a YouTube video of the terrain warning alarm >Terrain! Terrain! *whoop whoop* Pull up! Pull up! starts blasting from the car stereo >he instinctively yanks back on the steering wheel >swerves off the road a little, hits someone's trash bin >pulls over, kicks me out of his car, and tells me he's never driving me anywhere again Lol worth it though

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It was all just a bad, bad dream... | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/01/24(Fri)19:46:05 No.914738305 I accidently lost my virginity to a dog. Long story short. At night I would have a bath or shower and just throw on a big night shirt. Sometimes I wouldn't put underwear on. One of those times I was in my room when our dog came in. I played with him for a bit and then went back to what I was doing. At this point he mounted me and it slipped in. It hurt and there was blood so I told my parents. They refused to take me to the doctors and refused to believe it was an accident and told me to forget it ever happened.
Anonymous 03/01/24(Fri)19:46:05 No.914738305 I accidently lost my virginity to a dog. Long story short. At night I would have a bath or shower and just throw on a big night shirt. Sometimes I wouldn't put underwear on. One of those times I was in my room when our dog came in. I played with him for a bit and then went back to what I was doing. At this point he mounted me and it slipped in. It hurt and there was blood so I told my parents. They refused to take me to the doctors and refused to believe it was an accident and told me to forget it ever happened.

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HR wants to have a word | /r/Greentext

6 KB JPG once you arrive >be me >21 f-- >works in an office as paperwork slave >pic related >office have a weird habit of handshaking every soul present >am hardcore do not do it >tired of this s--- >every time someone arrives, rub the s--- out of my hand on my junior balls >handshake >basically everybody on my office have touched my d--- And balls >basically had a o--- at 21 >ami a good boy?
6 KB JPG once you arrive >be me >21 f-- >works in an office as paperwork slave >pic related >office have a weird habit of handshaking every soul present >am hardcore do not do it >tired of this s--- >every time someone arrives, rub the s--- out of my hand on my junior balls >handshake >basically everybody on my office have touched my d--- And balls >basically had a o--- at 21 >ami a good boy?

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Anon was super cool | /r/Greentext

: Greg 03/08/24(Fri)14:19:37 No. 197017399 >spider-man turns black >this makes him good at dancing but bad at impulse control What the f---? 2.71 MB PNG : Anonymous 03/08/24(Fri)14:22:15 No.197017441 >>197017482 # : Anonymous 03/08/24(Fri)14:25:17 No.197017482 : Anonymous 03/08/24(Fri)14:28:18 No. 197017525 >mfw spent the first 2 years of high school emulating evil spiderman because I thought he was being portrayed as a super cool guy in these scenes 8 KB JPG >>197017544 # >>197017622 #
: Greg 03/08/24(Fri)14:19:37 No. 197017399 >spider-man turns black >this makes him good at dancing but bad at impulse control What the f---? 2.71 MB PNG : Anonymous 03/08/24(Fri)14:22:15 No.197017441 >>197017482 # : Anonymous 03/08/24(Fri)14:25:17 No.197017482 : Anonymous 03/08/24(Fri)14:28:18 No. 197017525 >mfw spent the first 2 years of high school emulating evil spiderman because I thought he was being portrayed as a super cool guy in these scenes 8 KB JPG >>197017544 # >>197017622 #

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International woman's day is canceled | /r/Greentext

1/1 aK9RsFc2 (OP) • US 22m (3/8 1:42) 461066234 - 8 Re - 2 Img JPG 222KB (1024 × 1024) · RIP.jpg 7 Replies International Women's Day is cancelled - - on account of the death of Akira Toriyama. Women, please understand Men need this time to mourn. Thank you. ..
1/1 aK9RsFc2 (OP) • US 22m (3/8 1:42) 461066234 - 8 Re - 2 Img JPG 222KB (1024 × 1024) · RIP.jpg 7 Replies International Women's Day is cancelled - - on account of the death of Akira Toriyama. Women, please understand Men need this time to mourn. Thank you. ..

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Anon's going to have a serious discussion | /r/Greentext

Anonymous You think your morning is bad? 59 KB JPG 03/05/24(Tue)10:09:51 No.34915734 >been reading a ton of erotica lately >Eventually find a bunch of i----- stuff on literotica >Begin reading some of it, find the father/ son i----- stuff especially hot >today I come home >sitting on the my laptop is a printed page of my internet search history with a note from dad saying "we're going to have a talk about this when I get home" Guy... am I gonna get disowned?he comes home in an hour
Anonymous You think your morning is bad? 59 KB JPG 03/05/24(Tue)10:09:51 No.34915734 >been reading a ton of erotica lately >Eventually find a bunch of i----- stuff on literotica >Begin reading some of it, find the father/ son i----- stuff especially hot >today I come home >sitting on the my laptop is a printed page of my internet search history with a note from dad saying "we're going to have a talk about this when I get home" Guy... am I gonna get disowned?he comes home in an hour

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Distant Front | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/04/24(Sun)15:18:41 No.76347972 image2.png 253 KB PNG robots i'm sorry for being a normalfag, but i need some s----- life advice >current gf >was depressed, even suicidal before meeting me >get in relationship >she is overly obsessed and attached to me >one time she said >"anon, my life was worse and will be even worse if you were to leave me" >i just want to be alone and out of a relationship right now >mfw if i leave her she might unironically kill herself >i dont want someone to get hurt because of me i am forcily in a relationship right now, what do i do bros.
: Anonymous 02/04/24(Sun)15:18:41 No.76347972 image2.png 253 KB PNG robots i'm sorry for being a normalfag, but i need some s----- life advice >current gf >was depressed, even suicidal before meeting me >get in relationship >she is overly obsessed and attached to me >one time she said >"anon, my life was worse and will be even worse if you were to leave me" >i just want to be alone and out of a relationship right now >mfw if i leave her she might unironically kill herself >i dont want someone to get hurt because of me i am forcily in a relationship right now, what do i do bros.

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Anon spots an alien at the SOTU | /r/Greentext

File: wtfguy.png (616 KB, 1106x444) LIVE CAPITOL HILL SOTU W-- Anonymous (ID: SK3gd3z7 | 03/07/24(Thu)18:40:43 No.461040532 >>461041027 >>461041553 >>461041682 >>461041691 >>461042364 >>461042455 >>461042477 >>461042701 >>461043090 >>461044656 >>461046104 >>461047814 >>461048155 >>461050039 Did anybody see this f----- guy before the SOTU? >This guy is an ACTUAL ALIEN >w-- >no seriously w-- >EAR LOOK AT HIS EAR >HEAD >NO DUDE This guy is an alien
File: wtfguy.png (616 KB, 1106x444) LIVE CAPITOL HILL SOTU W-- Anonymous (ID: SK3gd3z7 | 03/07/24(Thu)18:40:43 No.461040532 >>461041027 >>461041553 >>461041682 >>461041691 >>461042364 >>461042455 >>461042477 >>461042701 >>461043090 >>461044656 >>461046104 >>461047814 >>461048155 >>461050039 Did anybody see this f----- guy before the SOTU? >This guy is an ACTUAL ALIEN >w-- >no seriously w-- >EAR LOOK AT HIS EAR >HEAD >NO DUDE This guy is an alien

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Anons new neighbour | /r/Greentext

File: IHATEMYNEIGHBOUR.png (53 KB, 1028x366) ☐ Anonymous 03/07/24(Thu)21:43:55 No.76710981 > Live in p------------ terrace house >>76711017 > New Neighbour (single mother with 6 failed-abortions of children because of f------ course) >She plays late 2000-2010s pop music on a s----- chinese speaker at fall volume so her kids can sing along in some short of vile home schooled karaoke situation late at night >I'm too autistic for an actual confrontation and it's useless anyway because my other neighbours have spoken to her but she keeps doing it. I know some of you are probably feeling sympathetic to her but I want you to think about how insanely inconsiderate this is. If she has to do this to keep her children happy why can't she do it out of a phone speaker? Why does it have to be the JBL L1989? I'm here to vent but I'm open to advice/revenge/troll suggestions
File: IHATEMYNEIGHBOUR.png (53 KB, 1028x366) ☐ Anonymous 03/07/24(Thu)21:43:55 No.76710981 > Live in p------------ terrace house >>76711017 > New Neighbour (single mother with 6 failed-abortions of children because of f------ course) >She plays late 2000-2010s pop music on a s----- chinese speaker at fall volume so her kids can sing along in some short of vile home schooled karaoke situation late at night >I'm too autistic for an actual confrontation and it's useless anyway because my other neighbours have spoken to her but she keeps doing it. I know some of you are probably feeling sympathetic to her but I want you to think about how insanely inconsiderate this is. If she has to do this to keep her children happy why can't she do it out of a phone speaker? Why does it have to be the JBL L1989? I'm here to vent but I'm open to advice/revenge/troll suggestions

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