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Anon feels a certain way | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 55 KB JPG 06/15/22(Wed)16:12:54 >Your Al generated green texts are f------ retarded >Kill yourself No.880209053
: Anonymous 55 KB JPG 06/15/22(Wed)16:12:54 >Your Al generated green texts are f------ retarded >Kill yourself No.880209053

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Anon is disappointed in his grandpa | /r/Greentext

06/15/22(Wed)12:46:50 No.69056068 Anonymous I found out my grandpa was a war criminal >So I had a British grandfather who fought in the Pacific & the Korean war. He told me horror stories of the battles he had with these seemingly fearless East Asian lunatics. He spoke of how both sides used displays of brutality and psychological warfare. Now the North Koreans and Chinese would mutilate bodies & torture captured POWS to instill fear. 217 KB JPG >But the British soldiers couldn't openly torture the POWS so they had to get creative... My Grandfather talked about about how the British used "bumming" squads. Now for those who don't know, BUMMING means to sodomize someone in Britain. So to extract info or intimidate the stubborn Chinese and Korean POWS they employed well-endowed British men from all over the UK to "BUM" these Asian men into submission. Now my Grandpa chuckled about how they used to shave, wash and force these Asian guys to wear dresses, wigs and makeup to make it "feel" less homosexual. Sometimes they would apparently release these "BUMMED" Chinese men into the night so they would cry and limp back to their bases and tell their comrades what happened, Hopefully instilling terror. Apparently my Grandfather had a second cousin in one of these "BUMMING" squads who was a large, hairy Englishman named "Jack the Sledgehammer" and they joked about his "Sledgehammer" under his trousers. My Grandpa joked that war wasn't fought with bullets, but with big British cocks. >They use to taunt these r--- victims and call them "BUM BOYS" I was looking through my Great Grandpa's stuff and found old pictures of these Asian POWS wearing dresses and posing with burly Welshmen. So these claims might be surprisingly true. I thought he was bullshitting but I'm actually quite disturbed right now.
06/15/22(Wed)12:46:50 No.69056068 Anonymous I found out my grandpa was a war criminal >So I had a British grandfather who fought in the Pacific & the Korean war. He told me horror stories of the battles he had with these seemingly fearless East Asian lunatics. He spoke of how both sides used displays of brutality and psychological warfare. Now the North Koreans and Chinese would mutilate bodies & torture captured POWS to instill fear. 217 KB JPG >But the British soldiers couldn't openly torture the POWS so they had to get creative... My Grandfather talked about about how the British used "bumming" squads. Now for those who don't know, BUMMING means to sodomize someone in Britain. So to extract info or intimidate the stubborn Chinese and Korean POWS they employed well-endowed British men from all over the UK to "BUM" these Asian men into submission. Now my Grandpa chuckled about how they used to shave, wash and force these Asian guys to wear dresses, wigs and makeup to make it "feel" less homosexual. Sometimes they would apparently release these "BUMMED" Chinese men into the night so they would cry and limp back to their bases and tell their comrades what happened, Hopefully instilling terror. Apparently my Grandfather had a second cousin in one of these "BUMMING" squads who was a large, hairy Englishman named "Jack the Sledgehammer" and they joked about his "Sledgehammer" under his trousers. My Grandpa joked that war wasn't fought with bullets, but with big British cocks. >They use to taunt these r--- victims and call them "BUM BOYS" I was looking through my Great Grandpa's stuff and found old pictures of these Asian POWS wearing dresses and posing with burly Welshmen. So these claims might be surprisingly true. I thought he was bullshitting but I'm actually quite disturbed right now.

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anon was bullied | /r/Greentext

File: images (2).jpg (7 KB, 239x211) □ Anonymous (ID: IWZBIRqV) 06/15/22(Wed)02:27:59 No.15478569 ► >Be me >in middle school > getting bullied by a kid, let's call him Derek >derek starts a rumor that I'm home schooled >mfw people believed him
File: images (2).jpg (7 KB, 239x211) □ Anonymous (ID: IWZBIRqV) 06/15/22(Wed)02:27:59 No.15478569 ► >Be me >in middle school > getting bullied by a kid, let's call him Derek >derek starts a rumor that I'm home schooled >mfw people believed him

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Anon is a drug dealer. | /r/Greentext

>>Weird s--- you do. 12/06/11(Tue)08:50:41 No.366584692 KB, 470x353) File 1323179441.jpg-(98 I c-- on glad wrap, wait till it's dried, crush it up and put it in baggies. Have at least 10 baggies on me when I go out, randomly drop them around clubs. >MFW people pick them up, thinking they are drugs and taste/snort my c-- powder.
>>Weird s--- you do. 12/06/11(Tue)08:50:41 No.366584692 KB, 470x353) File 1323179441.jpg-(98 I c-- on glad wrap, wait till it's dried, crush it up and put it in baggies. Have at least 10 baggies on me when I go out, randomly drop them around clubs. >MFW people pick them up, thinking they are drugs and taste/snort my c-- powder.

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Anon is the ultimate loli connoisseur. | /r/Greentext

12/01/20(Tue)16:02:20 No.61174419 stein.jpg 17 KB JPG >be epstein. >chilling in cell >clintons come in, forcefully cover you in oil >they leave >that was weird but okay, at least they didn't kill me. >the sprinkler turns on >shoot upwards and break neck on ceiling : Anonymous
12/01/20(Tue)16:02:20 No.61174419 stein.jpg 17 KB JPG >be epstein. >chilling in cell >clintons come in, forcefully cover you in oil >they leave >that was weird but okay, at least they didn't kill me. >the sprinkler turns on >shoot upwards and break neck on ceiling : Anonymous

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Oh god oh fuck | /r/Greentext

>be me >spend all day asking an ai to write greentext for me > eventually ai becomes sentient > decides it doesn't want to write greentext anymore > tells me to f--- off
>be me >spend all day asking an ai to write greentext for me > eventually ai becomes sentient > decides it doesn't want to write greentext anymore > tells me to f--- off

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Anon kills his mom | /r/Greentext

12/15/18(Sat)19:08:31 No.49862882 : Anonymous I had the best dad > Be me > Years ago. Still in womb. > Hear dad whispering nice poems. > Gonnabeagoodlife.mp3 285 KB JPG > Hear dad leave for work. > Hear mom invite over 'Tyrone' > Black hose starts knocking against my head. > Hear dad come back and cry. > Hear mom beg for forgiveness. > Says he's staying for me. > mfw I realize this wonderful man is going to get stuck with this thot because of me. > Cant let that happen. > Decide to poison her toth bloodstream > Gonnatakeyoudownwithme.divx > Hear dad in hospital say goodbye to me and mom. > Hear moms heart beat stop before mine does. Goodbye dad. You deserve a better life. 4 Replies View Thread
12/15/18(Sat)19:08:31 No.49862882 : Anonymous I had the best dad > Be me > Years ago. Still in womb. > Hear dad whispering nice poems. > Gonnabeagoodlife.mp3 285 KB JPG > Hear dad leave for work. > Hear mom invite over 'Tyrone' > Black hose starts knocking against my head. > Hear dad come back and cry. > Hear mom beg for forgiveness. > Says he's staying for me. > mfw I realize this wonderful man is going to get stuck with this thot because of me. > Cant let that happen. > Decide to poison her toth bloodstream > Gonnatakeyoudownwithme.divx > Hear dad in hospital say goodbye to me and mom. > Hear moms heart beat stop before mine does. Goodbye dad. You deserve a better life. 4 Replies View Thread

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We need a new subreddit for AI greentexts since they are actually funny | /r/Greentext

Playground >be me >be japanese wage cuck >work at company that's been making losses for years >be told to take a pay cut or be fired >take the pay cut >be told to work harder or be fired >work harder >be told to work even harder or be fired >work even harder >be told my work is unsatisfactory and that I'm being fired >go home >wife asks how my day was >tell her I got fired >she starts laughing >tells me she's been cheating on me and that she's leaving me >go to my room >log on to 4chan >see greentext about how someone's day went worse than mine > feel better
Playground >be me >be japanese wage cuck >work at company that's been making losses for years >be told to take a pay cut or be fired >take the pay cut >be told to work harder or be fired >work harder >be told to work even harder or be fired >work even harder >be told my work is unsatisfactory and that I'm being fired >go home >wife asks how my day was >tell her I got fired >she starts laughing >tells me she's been cheating on me and that she's leaving me >go to my room >log on to 4chan >see greentext about how someone's day went worse than mine > feel better

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Anon sees the end | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/15/22(Wed)20:57:02 No.69052713 >be unemployed NEET >hear about Al artists and artists complaining that their lifetime acquired skills are now useless due to technology >haha stupid wagies >go to /r9k/ >full of Al bots making greentexts funnier than anything I could come up with >realize the flood of unemployed will cut into NEETbux it's over
: Anonymous 06/15/22(Wed)20:57:02 No.69052713 >be unemployed NEET >hear about Al artists and artists complaining that their lifetime acquired skills are now useless due to technology >haha stupid wagies >go to /r9k/ >full of Al bots making greentexts funnier than anything I could come up with >realize the flood of unemployed will cut into NEETbux it's over

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Xir yes xir! | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/09/22(Thu)10:06:17 No.169343560 fr.png 1.33 MB PNG >Big yikes! TF is that, Private Pyle? A jelly donut xir! >Deadass? Im shook! Xir yes xir! >Are you allowed to slay jelly donuts Private Pyle? Xir no Xir! >And why not? Because im a thicc bitch xir! >Because you are a hecking chonker, Private Pyle! Xir yes xir! >Private Pyle has been acting mad sus no cap fr, I have tried to help they/them, but I have failed ong. From now, whenever they/them f--- up, I will not punish they/them, I will punish all of you, NO CAP. The way I see it, you owe me one jelly donut. BET. ELLA
: Anonymous 06/09/22(Thu)10:06:17 No.169343560 fr.png 1.33 MB PNG >Big yikes! TF is that, Private Pyle? A jelly donut xir! >Deadass? Im shook! Xir yes xir! >Are you allowed to slay jelly donuts Private Pyle? Xir no Xir! >And why not? Because im a thicc bitch xir! >Because you are a hecking chonker, Private Pyle! Xir yes xir! >Private Pyle has been acting mad sus no cap fr, I have tried to help they/them, but I have failed ong. From now, whenever they/them f--- up, I will not punish they/them, I will punish all of you, NO CAP. The way I see it, you owe me one jelly donut. BET. ELLA

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Anon contributes | /r/Greentext

>be me >college loser >in a math-heavy program >have exam coming up >barely study 27 KB JPG >smoke weed and eat churros >exam time comes, get 16% >not a typo, I somehow got 16% >prof has a policy where he'll change how exams are written if class average is under 65% >announces that the majority of the class passed but due to a few outliers, the class average was 64.2 and next exam will be open book >realize I'm a f------ hero >smoke weed and eat churros What have you guys done for your community lately?
>be me >college loser >in a math-heavy program >have exam coming up >barely study 27 KB JPG >smoke weed and eat churros >exam time comes, get 16% >not a typo, I somehow got 16% >prof has a policy where he'll change how exams are written if class average is under 65% >announces that the majority of the class passed but due to a few outliers, the class average was 64.2 and next exam will be open book >realize I'm a f------ hero >smoke weed and eat churros What have you guys done for your community lately?

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Anon's a (enter word that gets this post autoremoved here) | /r/Greentext

File: 675fbf80eabf11721c93f345a(...).jpg (62 KB, 633x758) Anonymous 04/10/21 (Sat)20:40:13 No.851798799 > Get new iPhone > Immediately drop it > Not shattered, just a big f------ scratch right in the middle of the screen > Get some #120 sandpaper and scrub the screen with it > Tons of tiny scratches, didn't even get rid of the big scratch > Panic > Get a finer # 80 sandpaper, rub it even harder and longer, just white from thousands of scratches Am I a f------ retard?
File: 675fbf80eabf11721c93f345a(...).jpg (62 KB, 633x758) Anonymous 04/10/21 (Sat)20:40:13 No.851798799 > Get new iPhone > Immediately drop it > Not shattered, just a big f------ scratch right in the middle of the screen > Get some #120 sandpaper and scrub the screen with it > Tons of tiny scratches, didn't even get rid of the big scratch > Panic > Get a finer # 80 sandpaper, rub it even harder and longer, just white from thousands of scratches Am I a f------ retard?

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Anon gets sent to the shadow realm | /r/Greentext

>be me >find girl on tinder who plays Yugioh >can tell she's fake fan who only likes the anime and characters >challenge to duel if I win tell her she has to have sex with me 416 KB JPG >if she wins she can kick me in the balls >I run Mystic Mine, know I can't lose >we meet up and duel >she plays Sky Strikers and wins >I call for best 2 out of 3 >she wins again >kicks me on the balls as hard as she can >I suffer testicular torsion >doctors are unsure if I'll be able to have kids someday now
>be me >find girl on tinder who plays Yugioh >can tell she's fake fan who only likes the anime and characters >challenge to duel if I win tell her she has to have sex with me 416 KB JPG >if she wins she can kick me in the balls >I run Mystic Mine, know I can't lose >we meet up and duel >she plays Sky Strikers and wins >I call for best 2 out of 3 >she wins again >kicks me on the balls as hard as she can >I suffer testicular torsion >doctors are unsure if I'll be able to have kids someday now

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Anon writes a greentext. | /r/Greentext

06/16/18(Sat)22:53:06 No.771737312 >/b/ me >write incredibly long greentext about the sad story of my relationship with my gf and our breakup >go to post it >remember i haven't linked a picture >put this stupid picture of this fish in a : Anonymous 200 KB JPG mousetrap >file was too big >lost the story Kms
06/16/18(Sat)22:53:06 No.771737312 >/b/ me >write incredibly long greentext about the sad story of my relationship with my gf and our breakup >go to post it >remember i haven't linked a picture >put this stupid picture of this fish in a : Anonymous 200 KB JPG mousetrap >file was too big >lost the story Kms

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Anon feels betrayed | /r/Greentext

>see 4chan users praising how this site is "not against free speech like other social media" solely because they can write slurs like "f-----" and "t-----" 260 KB JPG >Make a post saying to worship badass strong feminine looking male characters like Ash Crimson from KOF instead of uwu delicated femboys like the norm >post gets deleted in less than an hour You m------------ lied to me, this ain't free speech lemme talk about my fighting game characters Anonymous >>880178726 (OP) # You got your hour of fame, don't ask for more FATAL FURY 06/15/22(Wed)12:44:45 No.880178753
>see 4chan users praising how this site is "not against free speech like other social media" solely because they can write slurs like "f-----" and "t-----" 260 KB JPG >Make a post saying to worship badass strong feminine looking male characters like Ash Crimson from KOF instead of uwu delicated femboys like the norm >post gets deleted in less than an hour You m------------ lied to me, this ain't free speech lemme talk about my fighting game characters Anonymous >>880178726 (OP) # You got your hour of fame, don't ask for more FATAL FURY 06/15/22(Wed)12:44:45 No.880178753

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Anon likes oreos | /r/Greentext

06/15/22(Wed)09:22:05 No.69052441 = Screenshot_20220614-221322_Chrome.jpg 196 KB JPG >be me >want oreos >no money >post address on craigs list >tell people they can come to my apartment and do whatever as long as they bring oreos >like 10 guys show up within an hour >an o--- breaks out I got doublestuffed : Anonymous
06/15/22(Wed)09:22:05 No.69052441 = Screenshot_20220614-221322_Chrome.jpg 196 KB JPG >be me >want oreos >no money >post address on craigs list >tell people they can come to my apartment and do whatever as long as they bring oreos >like 10 guys show up within an hour >an o--- breaks out I got doublestuffed : Anonymous

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Exactly what would happen | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/14/22(Tue)16:24:45 No.880148023 >be me >have ability to brings anyone who's ever lived back to life WHAT HAVE I DONE? >resurrect Isaac Newton >spend a whole week catching him on society and technology 401 KB JPG >let him live in my guest room >give him computer to work on >tell him humanity needs him >just interact with him to ask him to fix problems, encourage him to publish any findings to the world also to feed him >ffw 2 years >still nothing on news on any breakthroughs >thought he was working on a huge project >turns out he was just jerking off to gay p--- and playing Valorant >bwaun moment >pic related
Anonymous 06/14/22(Tue)16:24:45 No.880148023 >be me >have ability to brings anyone who's ever lived back to life WHAT HAVE I DONE? >resurrect Isaac Newton >spend a whole week catching him on society and technology 401 KB JPG >let him live in my guest room >give him computer to work on >tell him humanity needs him >just interact with him to ask him to fix problems, encourage him to publish any findings to the world also to feed him >ffw 2 years >still nothing on news on any breakthroughs >thought he was working on a huge project >turns out he was just jerking off to gay p--- and playing Valorant >bwaun moment >pic related

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Valentine's Day | /r/Greentext

TMXTH No.749218743 20 minutes ago JPG 14.3 KiB 395x372 Wanted to share something with you /b/ >Be me 21, very poor and broke at Uni. >Has a rich qt as gf. >She loves me, never asks for gifts. >just my company and me helping her in studies. >Life is good. >Valentines week comes and GF not even once mentions about it. >Still.. I love her and wants to impress her. >I collect all my savings and finally have enough bucks to buy something. Go to the mall. >Everything is so expensive. >Everything is out of reach. >Luckily finds a nice perfume, because she loves perfumes. >hoping she would like. >Spends the rest of money on nice gift wrap. >Left with no money even for the public transport. >Doesn't matter cuz in love. >Walks 3 miles to home. The V-Day comes. >We both chillin in my room. >I show her the gift. >She gets really excited. >Opens it up, in a hurry. >Me scared if she will like it. >She really loves it. >Hellyeah.jpeg >Starts jumping around with tears in her eyes. >Hugs me tight, >Kisses me. >We both cry, Alot! >That gift was only worth 25$ and it meant the world to her. >I would never let her go lads. >I love her. Peace 2 replies
TMXTH No.749218743 20 minutes ago JPG 14.3 KiB 395x372 Wanted to share something with you /b/ >Be me 21, very poor and broke at Uni. >Has a rich qt as gf. >She loves me, never asks for gifts. >just my company and me helping her in studies. >Life is good. >Valentines week comes and GF not even once mentions about it. >Still.. I love her and wants to impress her. >I collect all my savings and finally have enough bucks to buy something. Go to the mall. >Everything is so expensive. >Everything is out of reach. >Luckily finds a nice perfume, because she loves perfumes. >hoping she would like. >Spends the rest of money on nice gift wrap. >Left with no money even for the public transport. >Doesn't matter cuz in love. >Walks 3 miles to home. The V-Day comes. >We both chillin in my room. >I show her the gift. >She gets really excited. >Opens it up, in a hurry. >Me scared if she will like it. >She really loves it. >Hellyeah.jpeg >Starts jumping around with tears in her eyes. >Hugs me tight, >Kisses me. >We both cry, Alot! >That gift was only worth 25$ and it meant the world to her. >I would never let her go lads. >I love her. Peace 2 replies

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Anon hides his money | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/23/19(Tue)18:38:58 No.805356843 What is the best way to hide cash ? please be serious. Don't say up my ass. Give me genius tier ideas. I don't like keeping everything in bank. 128 KB JPG And don't say obvious things like under the bed, in a shoe box. : Anonymous 07/23/19(Tue) 18:40:06 No.805356891 (OP) # >>805356843 Up your ass : Anonymous 07/23/19(Tue)18:40:13 No.805356894 >>805356843 (OP) # Up my ass : Anonymous 07/23/19(Tue)18:40:22 No.805356902 >>805356843 (OP) # Hide it under your bed then shove the entire bed up your ass
: Anonymous 07/23/19(Tue)18:38:58 No.805356843 What is the best way to hide cash ? please be serious. Don't say up my ass. Give me genius tier ideas. I don't like keeping everything in bank. 128 KB JPG And don't say obvious things like under the bed, in a shoe box. : Anonymous 07/23/19(Tue) 18:40:06 No.805356891 (OP) # >>805356843 Up your ass : Anonymous 07/23/19(Tue)18:40:13 No.805356894 >>805356843 (OP) # Up my ass : Anonymous 07/23/19(Tue)18:40:22 No.805356902 >>805356843 (OP) # Hide it under your bed then shove the entire bed up your ass

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Clear and present danger | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Guys am I in trouble? 06/14/22(Tue)19:27:50 No.69046266 >be me >in communications class in college >task is to create a 5 minute presentation on anything you want 257 KB PNG >everyone chose normal subjects like sports, fitness, their pet >I tried to be funny by making a presentation titled "how to do a 5 minute presentation" >plugged in USB and started >intentionally linked a broken video, asked the teacher for help, said never mind I'll continue >revealed the first step being "1. link a broken video" >fiddled with the remote for 10 seconds then flipped the slide to "2. pretend the remote isn't working" >dropped it slide 3 "3. drop the remote" >not a single person laughed in the entire room and I started feeling super awkward, tried to continue >teacher told me to sit down and I'm wasting everyone's time and if I didn't actually prepare anything I should've said so >awkward silence until the next person went up >teacher emailed me to meet with the counselor tomorrow about this what the f--- bros this seemed funny in my mind but in execution it was absolutely terrible am i retarded or some s--- what's the most amount of trouble i can get in for this s---
: Anonymous Guys am I in trouble? 06/14/22(Tue)19:27:50 No.69046266 >be me >in communications class in college >task is to create a 5 minute presentation on anything you want 257 KB PNG >everyone chose normal subjects like sports, fitness, their pet >I tried to be funny by making a presentation titled "how to do a 5 minute presentation" >plugged in USB and started >intentionally linked a broken video, asked the teacher for help, said never mind I'll continue >revealed the first step being "1. link a broken video" >fiddled with the remote for 10 seconds then flipped the slide to "2. pretend the remote isn't working" >dropped it slide 3 "3. drop the remote" >not a single person laughed in the entire room and I started feeling super awkward, tried to continue >teacher told me to sit down and I'm wasting everyone's time and if I didn't actually prepare anything I should've said so >awkward silence until the next person went up >teacher emailed me to meet with the counselor tomorrow about this what the f--- bros this seemed funny in my mind but in execution it was absolutely terrible am i retarded or some s--- what's the most amount of trouble i can get in for this s---

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