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Anon has a water melon | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: GKaNVGpd ) 02/26/14(Wed)21:05:52 UTC-8 >be 20 >heard you can f--- watermelons >buys personal watermelon >cuts a round hole >starts f------ watermelon >took like 40mins >not much better than fapping >felt shame >buried melon in a shallow grave >come summer time melons grew in the backyard >family eats them >"you don't want any melon anon?" >no Never had watermelon since
Anonymous (ID: GKaNVGpd ) 02/26/14(Wed)21:05:52 UTC-8 >be 20 >heard you can f--- watermelons >buys personal watermelon >cuts a round hole >starts f------ watermelon >took like 40mins >not much better than fapping >felt shame >buried melon in a shallow grave >come summer time melons grew in the backyard >family eats them >"you don't want any melon anon?" >no Never had watermelon since

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anon plays chess | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/11/22(Mon)11:23:53 No.876080450 M4RS4L (998) * III 8 Capture.jpg 5 KB JPG >play chess against bri'ish f----- >make huge blunder >he sends :/ emoji to rub it in COMEBACK TIME >make huge comeback >send :/ at him 5 times >spam BO'OH O WO'AH 15 times SUCK MY D--- UK YOU FAT W---- IM BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU AT CHESS!!! THIS IS WHY WE WON THE REVOLUTION!!!
: Anonymous 04/11/22(Mon)11:23:53 No.876080450 M4RS4L (998) * III 8 Capture.jpg 5 KB JPG >play chess against bri'ish f----- >make huge blunder >he sends :/ emoji to rub it in COMEBACK TIME >make huge comeback >send :/ at him 5 times >spam BO'OH O WO'AH 15 times SUCK MY D--- UK YOU FAT W---- IM BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU AT CHESS!!! THIS IS WHY WE WON THE REVOLUTION!!!

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Anon exchanges his life | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/14/17(Fri)15:49:12 No.38371043 >uncle was dying of cancer >on hospital bed >doctors said he had 1 day left to live >sad, go to my room and lock the door >radomly decide to do a blood sacrifice by sacrificing my life for his >drew a pentagram on a piece of paper 19 KB JPG and then cut my palm with a knife and soaked the paper with blood >prayed that my uncle gets better in exchange for my life >next day uncle makes a miraculous recovery This was just a coincidence r-right?
: Anonymous 07/14/17(Fri)15:49:12 No.38371043 >uncle was dying of cancer >on hospital bed >doctors said he had 1 day left to live >sad, go to my room and lock the door >radomly decide to do a blood sacrifice by sacrificing my life for his >drew a pentagram on a piece of paper 19 KB JPG and then cut my palm with a knife and soaked the paper with blood >prayed that my uncle gets better in exchange for my life >next day uncle makes a miraculous recovery This was just a coincidence r-right?

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God over hoes | /r/Greentext

Apparently women are forcing men to pick her or God Apparently women are forcing m(...) 04/10/22(Sun)17:53:39 No.14923211 my man said i can't see him cuz he has to go to mass? i told him he needs to pick it's either me or god 12/20/18, 4:26 PM 6 Retweets 40 Likes '3-3h he picked god unknown-6-1.png 82 KB PNG Spoiler:God wins. 177 Replies / 32 Images View Thread
Apparently women are forcing men to pick her or God Apparently women are forcing m(...) 04/10/22(Sun)17:53:39 No.14923211 my man said i can't see him cuz he has to go to mass? i told him he needs to pick it's either me or god 12/20/18, 4:26 PM 6 Retweets 40 Likes '3-3h he picked god unknown-6-1.png 82 KB PNG Spoiler:God wins. 177 Replies / 32 Images View Thread

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anon is home | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 2 hours ago 876079329 >feeling down all week because I feel like all my friends have moved on >look at discord to see who's on >all servers are empty >f--- >see lone fren in dead vr pregame server >join >shoot the s--- for half an hour then notif sound >owner pops in >"what are you f--- doing here? we switched servers months ago" >sends invite >join >literally everyone in the group is there >it's active like it used to be, no one left >hang out daily for weeks now I'm home /b/ros 2 REPLIES
Anonymous 2 hours ago 876079329 >feeling down all week because I feel like all my friends have moved on >look at discord to see who's on >all servers are empty >f--- >see lone fren in dead vr pregame server >join >shoot the s--- for half an hour then notif sound >owner pops in >"what are you f--- doing here? we switched servers months ago" >sends invite >join >literally everyone in the group is there >it's active like it used to be, no one left >hang out daily for weeks now I'm home /b/ros 2 REPLIES

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Anon gets a new job | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/11/22(Mon)09:38:33 No.68166672 >first day as busboy >black guy asks for orange juice >I say "you know you have to pay for that, right?" >he says "yeah, of course" >l get the juice >his friend asks "what did you 10 KB JPG mean by that question?" >try explaining I thought he was asking for a refill >they don't get it and complain to my manager >fired for racism 11 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 04/11/22(Mon)09:38:33 No.68166672 >first day as busboy >black guy asks for orange juice >I say "you know you have to pay for that, right?" >he says "yeah, of course" >l get the juice >his friend asks "what did you 10 KB JPG mean by that question?" >try explaining I thought he was asking for a refill >they don't get it and complain to my manager >fired for racism 11 Replies View Thread

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Anon reconnects with a friend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/11/22(Mon)09:17:12 No.876078870 >>876077247(OP) # >reconnecting with friends from highschool >whole crew is together, except one >remember him being the easy going, soft spoken, big dude of the group >he didn't have social media, no one knew his number >we all decide to do some investigating >trying to find relatives when someone brought up his ex >leads us down a rabbit hole of talking to various people about him >hearing them talk about him and all the stuff he got up to after graduation >joined the French Foreign Legion >came back, got cancer, beat cancer >fell in love, lost her in a car accident, got disfigured in the same accident >became a recluse, only talked to immediate family >they said he started talking about metaphysics and esoteric stuff >eventually, out of the blue, sold his place and moved into his dad's old cabin in the woods >no clue where this is but catch up with his mom who has a vague idea as to where >roll up to find him on the porch, in a rocking chair, dead >apparently the cancer came back and we're guessing he wanted to let it take him rather than possibly undergo treatments again >place was full of books, deep freezer filled with processed venison >had a henhouse, veggie garden, everything >according to the autopsy we were actually only a few hours late >still think back to it, wondering how it might've gone if we found him sooner or if maybe it was good we found him when we did >>876079443 #
: Anonymous 04/11/22(Mon)09:17:12 No.876078870 >>876077247(OP) # >reconnecting with friends from highschool >whole crew is together, except one >remember him being the easy going, soft spoken, big dude of the group >he didn't have social media, no one knew his number >we all decide to do some investigating >trying to find relatives when someone brought up his ex >leads us down a rabbit hole of talking to various people about him >hearing them talk about him and all the stuff he got up to after graduation >joined the French Foreign Legion >came back, got cancer, beat cancer >fell in love, lost her in a car accident, got disfigured in the same accident >became a recluse, only talked to immediate family >they said he started talking about metaphysics and esoteric stuff >eventually, out of the blue, sold his place and moved into his dad's old cabin in the woods >no clue where this is but catch up with his mom who has a vague idea as to where >roll up to find him on the porch, in a rocking chair, dead >apparently the cancer came back and we're guessing he wanted to let it take him rather than possibly undergo treatments again >place was full of books, deep freezer filled with processed venison >had a henhouse, veggie garden, everything >according to the autopsy we were actually only a few hours late >still think back to it, wondering how it might've gone if we found him sooner or if maybe it was good we found him when we did >>876079443 #

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Anon speaks the truth | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: (ktgkEeys 04/10/22(Sun)16:44:15 No.372128474 >Be Slovakia >Give its only form of AA defence (ONE S-300 launcher) to Ukraine for free, which is 100% of all Slovakia's AA capability >3 patriot defense systems arrive, fourth one is promised but not here yet 女 95 KB JPG >Patriot is inferior to S-300, does not have the same range or capabilities >Slovaks cannot use Patriot, they are manned by Dutch, German and US soldiers who are now stationed in Slovakia >Patriots are here on a temporary basis, they dont belong to us and can be removed at any moment if Netherlands or German decide to withdraw them, we cant do anything to stop it >Guberment did this in secret and lied about it so "russians do not know our top secret plans" Our government is so retarded that it physically hurts
: Anonymous (ID: (ktgkEeys 04/10/22(Sun)16:44:15 No.372128474 >Be Slovakia >Give its only form of AA defence (ONE S-300 launcher) to Ukraine for free, which is 100% of all Slovakia's AA capability >3 patriot defense systems arrive, fourth one is promised but not here yet 女 95 KB JPG >Patriot is inferior to S-300, does not have the same range or capabilities >Slovaks cannot use Patriot, they are manned by Dutch, German and US soldiers who are now stationed in Slovakia >Patriots are here on a temporary basis, they dont belong to us and can be removed at any moment if Netherlands or German decide to withdraw them, we cant do anything to stop it >Guberment did this in secret and lied about it so "russians do not know our top secret plans" Our government is so retarded that it physically hurts

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This generation is doomed | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: CYaRqWDp 07/28/17(Fri)08:3 >>135275894 >>135276090 >>135276165 >>135277069 >>135278 >>135286564 >>135286951 >>135289136 >>135289396 >>135290 >Brother is a history teacher for kids in 5th grade >Told me he brought up 9/11 to his class >Said kids went instantly insane >They didn't know it was real >One kid said he thought it was just a meme
Anonymous (ID: CYaRqWDp 07/28/17(Fri)08:3 >>135275894 >>135276090 >>135276165 >>135277069 >>135278 >>135286564 >>135286951 >>135289136 >>135289396 >>135290 >Brother is a history teacher for kids in 5th grade >Told me he brought up 9/11 to his class >Said kids went instantly insane >They didn't know it was real >One kid said he thought it was just a meme

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Anon hates his life | /r/Greentext

| Anonymous (ID: W3MH5DD8 )E 03/10/20(Tue)20:48:40 No.9716266 eipysty.jpg 15 KB JPG i hate my life : IBritGoreUg (ID: 46SGONI ) E3 03/10/20(Tue)20:49:53 No.9716268 1622882D07CC649EF95C40554A556DDCE.jpg 29 KB JPG No you dont
| Anonymous (ID: W3MH5DD8 )E 03/10/20(Tue)20:48:40 No.9716266 eipysty.jpg 15 KB JPG i hate my life : IBritGoreUg (ID: 46SGONI ) E3 03/10/20(Tue)20:49:53 No.9716268 1622882D07CC649EF95C40554A556DDCE.jpg 29 KB JPG No you dont

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Anons brother is trans | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/10/22(Sun)21:53:50 No.876070227 So today my little brother decided to come out as "trans" and told the whole family he's a "woman". My mom is a raging d------- libshit and seemed to be happier about him being a f------ t----- than when I graduated high school. My dad didn't really give a f--- cuz he just does what my mom says. I told him he's not a woman he'll never be a woman and mom got in my f------ face and started screaming at me that I'm a bigot and "she's your sister you need to respect her". So I called him a d------- libshit t----- and just kill him self now cuz he'll 41% eventually. So he got up like the man he is f------ knocked me down and pummeled by face until dad pulled him off. I got up and swung at the t----- f--- and my dad held me back. Then t----- f--- comes back and bashes me upside the head with an umbrella and knocked me down. Now my mom is throwing my s--- outside and saying she can't tolerate all my "s--- anymore" (they they know I'm a wignat) and my dad gave me $100 and said good luck. So where the f--- do I go from here after getting my ass beat by a t-----. I have no job no car and no savings and I'm 25 f------ years old. I'm literally going to jump off the bridge tonight anons. Someone give 1.24 MB GIF me hope 13 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 04/10/22(Sun)21:53:50 No.876070227 So today my little brother decided to come out as "trans" and told the whole family he's a "woman". My mom is a raging d------- libshit and seemed to be happier about him being a f------ t----- than when I graduated high school. My dad didn't really give a f--- cuz he just does what my mom says. I told him he's not a woman he'll never be a woman and mom got in my f------ face and started screaming at me that I'm a bigot and "she's your sister you need to respect her". So I called him a d------- libshit t----- and just kill him self now cuz he'll 41% eventually. So he got up like the man he is f------ knocked me down and pummeled by face until dad pulled him off. I got up and swung at the t----- f--- and my dad held me back. Then t----- f--- comes back and bashes me upside the head with an umbrella and knocked me down. Now my mom is throwing my s--- outside and saying she can't tolerate all my "s--- anymore" (they they know I'm a wignat) and my dad gave me $100 and said good luck. So where the f--- do I go from here after getting my ass beat by a t-----. I have no job no car and no savings and I'm 25 f------ years old. I'm literally going to jump off the bridge tonight anons. Someone give 1.24 MB GIF me hope 13 Replies View Thread

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Anon is a good friend | /r/Greentext

>>62912980 (OP) # i'm already married but when i hang out with my single friends, to help them hook with some beautiful chicks, i spot the classic couple of good looking girl with fat friend and go for the fat friend, offering her a drink etc. while i'm busy distracting the whale i send my friend to the hot chick, that is now demoralised because she thought the guys would hit on her and not on the whale and most of the time my friend succeeds. when i see they succeded, i tell the hambeast that i was just pretending to be interested because i wanted my friend to have a chance with the beautiful girl, and then leave her alone, go back home to my beautiful wife and laugh with her at the fat chick who is now alone and probably binge drinking so she'll be even fatter the next day. never thought life could be this good
>>62912980 (OP) # i'm already married but when i hang out with my single friends, to help them hook with some beautiful chicks, i spot the classic couple of good looking girl with fat friend and go for the fat friend, offering her a drink etc. while i'm busy distracting the whale i send my friend to the hot chick, that is now demoralised because she thought the guys would hit on her and not on the whale and most of the time my friend succeeds. when i see they succeded, i tell the hambeast that i was just pretending to be interested because i wanted my friend to have a chance with the beautiful girl, and then leave her alone, go back home to my beautiful wife and laugh with her at the fat chick who is now alone and probably binge drinking so she'll be even fatter the next day. never thought life could be this good

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Anon doesn’t understand sex | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/16/20(Sun)07:23:22 No.56974348 Imao I used to think that women 'didn't like sex' because my gf was never into sex and never wanted it. Of course she cheated on me with chad and I found out I was doing multiple things wrong in bed 9 KB PNG >l assumed the clitoris was like a button, so instead of rubbing it, I held it down firmly in place, I thought when it was held down it caused pleasure like a car pedal or something >l assumed she enjoyed it when I trimmed her nose hair during sex because when you pull a nose hair it makes your eyes water so I thought it was a pleasure zone >l assumed that threatening to s--- the bed during sex was erotic because it made her feel dominated >l bought a really long rope, tied my feet to the washing machine door (the rope was ong enough to stretch from kitchen to bathroom), and during sex would pull my leg and say 'the washing machine is pulling me in! f--- me before i go for a spin!"
: Anonymous 08/16/20(Sun)07:23:22 No.56974348 Imao I used to think that women 'didn't like sex' because my gf was never into sex and never wanted it. Of course she cheated on me with chad and I found out I was doing multiple things wrong in bed 9 KB PNG >l assumed the clitoris was like a button, so instead of rubbing it, I held it down firmly in place, I thought when it was held down it caused pleasure like a car pedal or something >l assumed she enjoyed it when I trimmed her nose hair during sex because when you pull a nose hair it makes your eyes water so I thought it was a pleasure zone >l assumed that threatening to s--- the bed during sex was erotic because it made her feel dominated >l bought a really long rope, tied my feet to the washing machine door (the rope was ong enough to stretch from kitchen to bathroom), and during sex would pull my leg and say 'the washing machine is pulling me in! f--- me before i go for a spin!"

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Gets me every time | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/03/21(Wed)23:57:48 No.542988776 >dad watching me play vidya >woah anon how did you know how to do (insert incredibly obvious thing here) >repeat x100 are boomers literally f------ retarded? 47 KB PNG : Anonymous 02/04/21(Thu)00:05:52 No.542989510 stop being a f-----, your dad is trying to connect with you >>542990391 # >>542990521 # >>542990724 # >>542990810 # >>542991437 # >>542991550 # >>542991956 # >>542992068 # >>542992151 # >>542992412 # >>542992605 # >>542993739 # >>542994051 # >>542996095 # >>542997281 # >>542998590 # >>543000324 # >>543000453 # >>543000617 # >>543000746 # >>543000841 # >>543001083 # >>543001335 # >>543001389 # >>543004779 # >>543005792 # >>543006553 # >>543007247 # >>543007582 # >>543008745 # >>543008851 # >>543008910 # >>543010419 # >>543010828 # >>543010934 # >>543010961 # >>543011220 # >>543011526 # >>543012078 # >>543014701 # >>543015032 # >>543015721 # >>543015803 # >>543015917 # >>543019926 # >>543020443 # >>543022048 #
: Anonymous 02/03/21(Wed)23:57:48 No.542988776 >dad watching me play vidya >woah anon how did you know how to do (insert incredibly obvious thing here) >repeat x100 are boomers literally f------ retarded? 47 KB PNG : Anonymous 02/04/21(Thu)00:05:52 No.542989510 stop being a f-----, your dad is trying to connect with you >>542990391 # >>542990521 # >>542990724 # >>542990810 # >>542991437 # >>542991550 # >>542991956 # >>542992068 # >>542992151 # >>542992412 # >>542992605 # >>542993739 # >>542994051 # >>542996095 # >>542997281 # >>542998590 # >>543000324 # >>543000453 # >>543000617 # >>543000746 # >>543000841 # >>543001083 # >>543001335 # >>543001389 # >>543004779 # >>543005792 # >>543006553 # >>543007247 # >>543007582 # >>543008745 # >>543008851 # >>543008910 # >>543010419 # >>543010828 # >>543010934 # >>543010961 # >>543011220 # >>543011526 # >>543012078 # >>543014701 # >>543015032 # >>543015721 # >>543015803 # >>543015917 # >>543019926 # >>543020443 # >>543022048 #

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Anon is mentally challenged | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/11/22(Mon)00:48:28 No.68159975 >be me >join charity >at this orphanage >deliver food and toys >one of the orphans asks me how it feels to have parents >tell him they both got killed by my 163 KB PNG older brother whom I swore to destroy >"so you're just like me mr. anon" the kid said >"no, im not, and if you stand in my way i will destroy you aswell" >he starts crying and run to his teachers Guess he wasn't strong enough
: Anonymous 04/11/22(Mon)00:48:28 No.68159975 >be me >join charity >at this orphanage >deliver food and toys >one of the orphans asks me how it feels to have parents >tell him they both got killed by my 163 KB PNG older brother whom I swore to destroy >"so you're just like me mr. anon" the kid said >"no, im not, and if you stand in my way i will destroy you aswell" >he starts crying and run to his teachers Guess he wasn't strong enough

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Anon is an eurotard | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/28/21(Mon)14:52:01 No.857854052 >highest number of prisoners PER CAPITA >highest violent crime rate in the western world >highest number of mass shootings of any developed country 140 KB JPG >no universal healthcare >super high tuition, high student loan debt >richest corporations pay exactly $0 in taxes >2 party political system that produces nothing >staggering amounts of homelessness >has been at war every decade >opioid and prescription pill addicted youth Be sure to celebrate it all on July 4th.
: Anonymous 06/28/21(Mon)14:52:01 No.857854052 >highest number of prisoners PER CAPITA >highest violent crime rate in the western world >highest number of mass shootings of any developed country 140 KB JPG >no universal healthcare >super high tuition, high student loan debt >richest corporations pay exactly $0 in taxes >2 party political system that produces nothing >staggering amounts of homelessness >has been at war every decade >opioid and prescription pill addicted youth Be sure to celebrate it all on July 4th.

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