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Anon lacks a good sense of humor | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/04/21(Sat)23:13:46 No.868000131 >be me >autistic 6th grader >friend sends me edgy 9/11 meme where the Little Einstein theme song cuts to the first plane hitting the World Trade Center 239 KB JPG >thought it was funny enough to show my parents >mfw my parents knew people who died in 9/11 I was f------ retarded
: Anonymous 12/04/21(Sat)23:13:46 No.868000131 >be me >autistic 6th grader >friend sends me edgy 9/11 meme where the Little Einstein theme song cuts to the first plane hitting the World Trade Center 239 KB JPG >thought it was funny enough to show my parents >mfw my parents knew people who died in 9/11 I was f------ retarded

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People Are so Dumb It's Sad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/02/20(Thu) 16:37:28 No.824291612 >*person gets killed* >... >*dog gets hurt* >NO00000 NOT THE DOGGO >NOT THE WOOFER >NOT THE BORKIN BOOFER 241 KB PNG >SAVE THE PUPPER >DONT HURT THE GOOD BOY
: Anonymous 04/02/20(Thu) 16:37:28 No.824291612 >*person gets killed* >... >*dog gets hurt* >NO00000 NOT THE DOGGO >NOT THE WOOFER >NOT THE BORKIN BOOFER 241 KB PNG >SAVE THE PUPPER >DONT HURT THE GOOD BOY

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revelation | /r/Greentext

I just... I just cannot believe this is it. This is life. There is no magical third act where I am the star in some fantasy adventure. I won't suddenly gain superpowers and fight cartoonish villains. This is it. This is all it will ever be. 50 more 164 KB JPG years of quiet, drab misery. Our one shot at consciousness is spent on something so unimaginably boring. My "gift" of sentience is spent wageslaving, consuming media, messing around with hobbies that will never fill the void, eating, s-------, cleaning. And that is all there is.
I just... I just cannot believe this is it. This is life. There is no magical third act where I am the star in some fantasy adventure. I won't suddenly gain superpowers and fight cartoonish villains. This is it. This is all it will ever be. 50 more 164 KB JPG years of quiet, drab misery. Our one shot at consciousness is spent on something so unimaginably boring. My "gift" of sentience is spent wageslaving, consuming media, messing around with hobbies that will never fill the void, eating, s-------, cleaning. And that is all there is.

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Joe learns | /r/Greentext

: test 09/27/20(Sun)08:35:11 No.139903097 Joe Rogan is like some barbarian Khan from the steppes that took an interest in intellectual things and his show is basically him bringing slightly nervous scholars and magicians to come before him to explain how the world works "glasses man, you explain to Joe why sky big, and how tree grow" but he will also believe almost anything you tell him, and only recently (in the past few years) does he clap back like "Tiny hat man say otherwise, do you lie to Joe? Tiny hat man say fat not bad for you, that sugar is enemy, so which is truth? Joe thinks you are wrong" and people just nervously go "oh-oh ok h-Haha yah I guess so" 83 KB JPG "Joe spend many moons on horseback and training with bow and sword, but joe also wonder why skyfire rise from mountains every morning, you will explain this to Joe."
: test 09/27/20(Sun)08:35:11 No.139903097 Joe Rogan is like some barbarian Khan from the steppes that took an interest in intellectual things and his show is basically him bringing slightly nervous scholars and magicians to come before him to explain how the world works "glasses man, you explain to Joe why sky big, and how tree grow" but he will also believe almost anything you tell him, and only recently (in the past few years) does he clap back like "Tiny hat man say otherwise, do you lie to Joe? Tiny hat man say fat not bad for you, that sugar is enemy, so which is truth? Joe thinks you are wrong" and people just nervously go "oh-oh ok h-Haha yah I guess so" 83 KB JPG "Joe spend many moons on horseback and training with bow and sword, but joe also wonder why skyfire rise from mountains every morning, you will explain this to Joe."

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Anon leads a surprisingly normal life | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/05/21(Sun)02:12:31 No.868008307 >be me >wake up >not obsessed with nfts >not transphobic >not a nazi >not a tankie >not obsessed with male hierarchy 136 KB JPG >don't have twitter >don't worship some mediocre pop star >don't watch annoying s-------- on youtube >life is good Just dont be a dumbass anons, it's that easy.
: Anonymous 12/05/21(Sun)02:12:31 No.868008307 >be me >wake up >not obsessed with nfts >not transphobic >not a nazi >not a tankie >not obsessed with male hierarchy 136 KB JPG >don't have twitter >don't worship some mediocre pop star >don't watch annoying s-------- on youtube >life is good Just dont be a dumbass anons, it's that easy.

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Virgin airlines | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/04/21(Sat)21:24:21 No.66430760 >25yo >go to strip club with friends >one girl implies im a virgin (i am) >one girl calls me out for being nervous (i was drunk and chilling, felt like i was acting the same as everyone else) 103 KB JPG its actually crazy how fast they can detect autism and virginity bros, might as well embrace it : Anonymous 12/04/21(Sat)21:39:16 No.66430906 >>66430760 (OP) # what you need to embrace is some bitches
: Anonymous 12/04/21(Sat)21:24:21 No.66430760 >25yo >go to strip club with friends >one girl implies im a virgin (i am) >one girl calls me out for being nervous (i was drunk and chilling, felt like i was acting the same as everyone else) 103 KB JPG its actually crazy how fast they can detect autism and virginity bros, might as well embrace it : Anonymous 12/04/21(Sat)21:39:16 No.66430906 >>66430760 (OP) # what you need to embrace is some bitches

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Anon is going partially insane | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/19/21(Mon)19:50:32 No.153846558 1624203821204.jpg 126 KB JPG SILENCE! SILENCE! I SAID FUUUUCKING SILENCE!!! I WON'T BE OUTSHOUTED BY A HOUSE OF F------ LOSERS! NEGATIVE 500,000 POINTS TO SLYTHERIN! HOW'D YOU LIKE THAT YOU F------ MONGRELS, YEAH YOU LIKE THAT!??! SHUT UP! SHUT THE F--- UP! YOU DON'T GET TO WIN! I CHOOSE WHO WINS THE HOUSE CUP, ALLL THOSE POINTS YOU AQUIRED THROUGHOUT THE YEAR MEAN F--- ALL! GRYFFINDOR WINS! GRYFFINDOR WINS!!! F--- YOU SLYTHERIN! 6 MILLIONS POINTS TO GRYFFINDOR, BECAUSE I F------ SAID SO!! MR. FILTCH ESCORT EVERY SNIVELING SLYTHERIN STUDENT TO THE DUNGEONS AND HAVE THEM SEPARATED BY PENIS SIZE AND VAGINAL INTEGRITY, I'LL BE VISITING A LITTLE LATER. YOU HEAR THAT SLYTHERINS, I'M GONNA F--- EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU, MAYBE YOU CAN EARN SOME POINTS BACK IF YOU'RE WILLING TO SWALLOW SOME OF MY HEADMASTER LOAD! NOW MR. FILTCH GET THESE MONGRELS OUT OF HERE!! NO000000OWWW!
: Anonymous 07/19/21(Mon)19:50:32 No.153846558 1624203821204.jpg 126 KB JPG SILENCE! SILENCE! I SAID FUUUUCKING SILENCE!!! I WON'T BE OUTSHOUTED BY A HOUSE OF F------ LOSERS! NEGATIVE 500,000 POINTS TO SLYTHERIN! HOW'D YOU LIKE THAT YOU F------ MONGRELS, YEAH YOU LIKE THAT!??! SHUT UP! SHUT THE F--- UP! YOU DON'T GET TO WIN! I CHOOSE WHO WINS THE HOUSE CUP, ALLL THOSE POINTS YOU AQUIRED THROUGHOUT THE YEAR MEAN F--- ALL! GRYFFINDOR WINS! GRYFFINDOR WINS!!! F--- YOU SLYTHERIN! 6 MILLIONS POINTS TO GRYFFINDOR, BECAUSE I F------ SAID SO!! MR. FILTCH ESCORT EVERY SNIVELING SLYTHERIN STUDENT TO THE DUNGEONS AND HAVE THEM SEPARATED BY PENIS SIZE AND VAGINAL INTEGRITY, I'LL BE VISITING A LITTLE LATER. YOU HEAR THAT SLYTHERINS, I'M GONNA F--- EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU, MAYBE YOU CAN EARN SOME POINTS BACK IF YOU'RE WILLING TO SWALLOW SOME OF MY HEADMASTER LOAD! NOW MR. FILTCH GET THESE MONGRELS OUT OF HERE!! NO000000OWWW!

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Anon has a good friend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/29/19(Sun)21:47:04 No.817301715 >Mother got extremely sick on Christmas >She gets hospitalized >Doctor tell us she will be here until January 2 >I take care of my mother and I have to stay on the hospital every 195 KB PNG night taking care of her >Tell my girlfriend I have to cancel our plans for new year's party at a friend house because l'll be staying with my mom >She tells me she is still going without me >I think to myself "well I don't want her to have a s----- New Year so it's ok" >Later today best bro calls me >"hey buddy, I heard that you are staying at the hospital for new year, I canceled my plans and will bring you food to the hospital so we can celebrate"
: Anonymous 12/29/19(Sun)21:47:04 No.817301715 >Mother got extremely sick on Christmas >She gets hospitalized >Doctor tell us she will be here until January 2 >I take care of my mother and I have to stay on the hospital every 195 KB PNG night taking care of her >Tell my girlfriend I have to cancel our plans for new year's party at a friend house because l'll be staying with my mom >She tells me she is still going without me >I think to myself "well I don't want her to have a s----- New Year so it's ok" >Later today best bro calls me >"hey buddy, I heard that you are staying at the hospital for new year, I canceled my plans and will bring you food to the hospital so we can celebrate"

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Anon works at the slots | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/21/18(Fri)13:36:49 No.780428621 >be me 11 60114 >be working as a slot machine tech in some casino >one night i got called because a guest has a problem with pic related >onmyway.jpg >the guest is an enormous black lady BLEAING 326 KB JPG with sass smelling like baby powder >dressed all sexy even though she isnt >apparently she put in a 100$ bill and the machine did not process it for her to play >it actually happens sometimes so okay >tell her to move back so i can open the machine >*doesnt move* >"maam I need you to move so I can open the machine to verify if your bill is in here!" >"I told you i put it in there!!! Just gimme my money back!!!" >"i understand but i need to do some verifications before giving you 100$" >"are you calling me a theif??you think cuz im black im trying to rob you?!?" >ohhhboy.gif >call in my supervisor since its starting to get violent >supervisor is a cool black dude >we check the machine cashbox, there is no 100$ in it >"maam we're sorry but no 100$ was inserted in the machine in the last 2hours" >"you calling me a liar, you is a racist im no liar my father wuz a police officer blabla!!!" >black supervisor interrupts >"maam i worked with this guy for 10 years and i assure you he's not racist you just a broke ass n---- tryna hustle a couple bucks here today, so now get yo black ass out of here before i call security!" >she leaves with big eye like black women usually do >sup looks at me >"f------ n------" >black people hate n------ just as much as we do.
: Anonymous 09/21/18(Fri)13:36:49 No.780428621 >be me 11 60114 >be working as a slot machine tech in some casino >one night i got called because a guest has a problem with pic related >onmyway.jpg >the guest is an enormous black lady BLEAING 326 KB JPG with sass smelling like baby powder >dressed all sexy even though she isnt >apparently she put in a 100$ bill and the machine did not process it for her to play >it actually happens sometimes so okay >tell her to move back so i can open the machine >*doesnt move* >"maam I need you to move so I can open the machine to verify if your bill is in here!" >"I told you i put it in there!!! Just gimme my money back!!!" >"i understand but i need to do some verifications before giving you 100$" >"are you calling me a theif??you think cuz im black im trying to rob you?!?" >ohhhboy.gif >call in my supervisor since its starting to get violent >supervisor is a cool black dude >we check the machine cashbox, there is no 100$ in it >"maam we're sorry but no 100$ was inserted in the machine in the last 2hours" >"you calling me a liar, you is a racist im no liar my father wuz a police officer blabla!!!" >black supervisor interrupts >"maam i worked with this guy for 10 years and i assure you he's not racist you just a broke ass n---- tryna hustle a couple bucks here today, so now get yo black ass out of here before i call security!" >she leaves with big eye like black women usually do >sup looks at me >"f------ n------" >black people hate n------ just as much as we do.

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Anon is a businessman | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/18/21(Sun)06:53:11 No.64616362 >Be Coomer >Randomly get horny and fap to Hentai whenever I'm alone. >Realize this is a giant waste of my sperm. >Get depressed after making the 27 KB JPG Coom. >Suddenly remember Sperm Banks are a thing >The very next week i go to the bank of coom >Nervous because this place is literally a building where people congregate to fap and mildly grossed out sitting in waiting room. >I sign some docs, be shown to a private room, and told by nurse helper lady to commence the coom. >i literally did not fap for one whole week prior to this. >pull out phone, load up fav pics & video clips of Yukiko Minase & Hiroko Takashiro from Bible Black. >The coom commences. >Blow giant load into cup. >Walk out, get paid $150. I now make $1,500 a week, why the f--- are you staying home wasting your life away?
: Anonymous 07/18/21(Sun)06:53:11 No.64616362 >Be Coomer >Randomly get horny and fap to Hentai whenever I'm alone. >Realize this is a giant waste of my sperm. >Get depressed after making the 27 KB JPG Coom. >Suddenly remember Sperm Banks are a thing >The very next week i go to the bank of coom >Nervous because this place is literally a building where people congregate to fap and mildly grossed out sitting in waiting room. >I sign some docs, be shown to a private room, and told by nurse helper lady to commence the coom. >i literally did not fap for one whole week prior to this. >pull out phone, load up fav pics & video clips of Yukiko Minase & Hiroko Takashiro from Bible Black. >The coom commences. >Blow giant load into cup. >Walk out, get paid $150. I now make $1,500 a week, why the f--- are you staying home wasting your life away?

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Anon's mom knows | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous She knows 12/03/21(Fri)22:30:24 No.23437507 images (1).jpg 7 KB JPG >come out as bi to mom >she is surprised but supportive >asks a lot of questions >asks if I'm a top or a bottom >I don't answer for a sec and nervously say that it's private >She knows that I'm a bottom :
: Anonymous She knows 12/03/21(Fri)22:30:24 No.23437507 images (1).jpg 7 KB JPG >come out as bi to mom >she is surprised but supportive >asks a lot of questions >asks if I'm a top or a bottom >I don't answer for a sec and nervously say that it's private >She knows that I'm a bottom :

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The face we reveal to the world | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/04/21(Sat)11:58:09 No.66424382 >made a tinder account 5 minutes agoO >my real face and body no chadfishing >already got 4 likes 12 KB JPG THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN : Anonymous 12/04/21(Sat)11:58:44 No.66424386 >>66424382 (OP)# Say goodbye to your kidney : Anonymous 12/04/21(Sat)12:06:22 No.66424457 >>66424382 (OP)# you're popular with bots and scammers too, huh?
: Anonymous 12/04/21(Sat)11:58:09 No.66424382 >made a tinder account 5 minutes agoO >my real face and body no chadfishing >already got 4 likes 12 KB JPG THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN : Anonymous 12/04/21(Sat)11:58:44 No.66424386 >>66424382 (OP)# Say goodbye to your kidney : Anonymous 12/04/21(Sat)12:06:22 No.66424457 >>66424382 (OP)# you're popular with bots and scammers too, huh?

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Anon goes to Subway | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: AQSOVUCR ) 09/27/17(Wed)22:00:32 No.143164421 >stop at Subway to get a sandwich on my way home from work >sandwich maker asked if I was getting off or going 120 KB JPG in >l forgot to take my work vest off >Tell her I'm getting off >She says "That's good. Getting off is always good." >I replied with, "yeah, until you get asked to leave the playground" I can never go back there >>143164510 # >>143164623 # >>143164642 # >>143164735 # >>143164809 # >>143164997 #
: Anonymous (ID: AQSOVUCR ) 09/27/17(Wed)22:00:32 No.143164421 >stop at Subway to get a sandwich on my way home from work >sandwich maker asked if I was getting off or going 120 KB JPG in >l forgot to take my work vest off >Tell her I'm getting off >She says "That's good. Getting off is always good." >I replied with, "yeah, until you get asked to leave the playground" I can never go back there >>143164510 # >>143164623 # >>143164642 # >>143164735 # >>143164809 # >>143164997 #

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Anon is American | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/16/21(Tue)14:08:34 No.866808217 >be me >american >wake up next to my sister as usual >ask her to wake up the kids >wife is overdosing on xanax so she doesn't say anything >whatever.jpg >order doordash cause my bitch sister 7 KB PNG didn't make breakfast >tip mandatory 500% >take one of my 45 glocks and go to work with it concealed >see the neighbors kid trying to collect his football from my lawn >dump my whole 33 round mag into him for trespassing >realize I used hollow point >realize I wasted 33 dollars on this stupid f------ kid >go back inside and shoot myself due to crippling debt and obesity >wake up in a hospital bed >doctor hands me a bill for 750k dollars God I love this country
: Anonymous 11/16/21(Tue)14:08:34 No.866808217 >be me >american >wake up next to my sister as usual >ask her to wake up the kids >wife is overdosing on xanax so she doesn't say anything >whatever.jpg >order doordash cause my bitch sister 7 KB PNG didn't make breakfast >tip mandatory 500% >take one of my 45 glocks and go to work with it concealed >see the neighbors kid trying to collect his football from my lawn >dump my whole 33 round mag into him for trespassing >realize I used hollow point >realize I wasted 33 dollars on this stupid f------ kid >go back inside and shoot myself due to crippling debt and obesity >wake up in a hospital bed >doctor hands me a bill for 750k dollars God I love this country

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Anon is pathetic | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/04/21(Sat)15:26:54 No.867959346 aight story time >be me >be 21 >meet up with old friend group i havent seen in a long while >old crush shows up with new bf >her bf has long messy hair and piercings, 170 KB GIF and those earrings that are like black circles that are in his ears(dunno how to better describe them) >looks absolutely hideous >has no car >s--- job man that s--- was hilarious cant believe what bf she picked up, its to good to make up what are some of your schadenfreude stories 4 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 12/04/21(Sat)15:30:24 No.867959465 >>867959346 (OP) # >be op >be virgin and single since birth >have a crush on girl in friend group >meet up with friend group and hope to get in with crush >she shows up with some guy >get upset and go home and write on 4chan about him so your anonymous buddies will back you up You're pathetic OP
: Anonymous 12/04/21(Sat)15:26:54 No.867959346 aight story time >be me >be 21 >meet up with old friend group i havent seen in a long while >old crush shows up with new bf >her bf has long messy hair and piercings, 170 KB GIF and those earrings that are like black circles that are in his ears(dunno how to better describe them) >looks absolutely hideous >has no car >s--- job man that s--- was hilarious cant believe what bf she picked up, its to good to make up what are some of your schadenfreude stories 4 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 12/04/21(Sat)15:30:24 No.867959465 >>867959346 (OP) # >be op >be virgin and single since birth >have a crush on girl in friend group >meet up with friend group and hope to get in with crush >she shows up with some guy >get upset and go home and write on 4chan about him so your anonymous buddies will back you up You're pathetic OP

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Anon ran a marathon | /r/Greentext

#1, No. 64596057 17 minutes ago 613A9COB-A4DE-47D2-A417-4ABF1E4BD1F0 JPG 1220x2381 663.9 kB >be overweight >get gf >she convinced me to run the half marathon >train together >I finish in under 2.5 hours >she breaks up with me that night At least she left me in the best shape l've ever been in & she didn't decide to get me super into baking bread lol
#1, No. 64596057 17 minutes ago 613A9COB-A4DE-47D2-A417-4ABF1E4BD1F0 JPG 1220x2381 663.9 kB >be overweight >get gf >she convinced me to run the half marathon >train together >I finish in under 2.5 hours >she breaks up with me that night At least she left me in the best shape l've ever been in & she didn't decide to get me super into baking bread lol

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